One of my clients today happened to be a senior from highschool. We only knew each other because of familiar faces, but we never talked.

After I started working, we acknowledged each other. He was friendly, yeah, like, okay, I know you, didn't we use to go to school together sort of thing.

Before this, he used to compliment on my looks. I was like, okay, yeay, thankssss...But, I was always uncomfortable around him and pretty much avoided him. Then, I changed workplace, and forgot about how creepy this guy can be, until...I returned here.

What I like about this pandemic is I get to wear a face mask all the time. I can pretend people couldn't recognize me or pretend that I don't know them!

But this guy...He recognizes me. For the past one year, he came to my department perhaps 4-5 times. Every time he came, he either got to see my colleagues (thank God) or I managed to reject his requests to see me by giving valid excuses. And during all the very short encounters, he still commented on my appearance.

He did it subtly, so kita ignore saja lah. Nobody noticed this, of course, except for me.

Todayyy...It was so unexpected to receive him as my client. My colleagues were not around and I didn't have a reason to not see him.

During the short session, I maintained my professionalism. I was nice, polite and straight to the point. The session was efficient so no time was wasted. However, towards the end, he repeatedly said that I was cute, I even have a cute name. And he did it in a creepy kind of way, definitely not the flattering kind. He also told me about his sprained ankle and asked me to touch it, so he can show me his tender point.

I hanya mampu smiled sheepishly behind my face mask, pretending not hear what he was saying. Like, how do you respond to that! He is married and he knows I am too. Please lahhhh...Is this what harrassment feels like?

Then, he said he might come again tomorrow...

Creepy betul lah!

I tulis je lah dalam ni.

Sebab, I taknaklah my colleagues or my staff or my husband cakap I ni perasan je. Orang dah puji comel, terima je lah. How do I explain to people that he is creepy? He's friendly so he's creepy? He was just telling stories, so he's creepy?

The most I can do is doing what I already did before. Avoid him. If he comes to my department, ask my colleague to see him instead.

So, yeah, he is probably the only person in my entire life whom I wish will never give me any attention/ compliments.

That's how much I am repulsed by him because I do enjoy compliments because they are so hard to come by for me, okay!!!

Not pregnant. Phew.

Must be all the diet aka calories counting and the work out that I've been doing.

Oh, God, baru turun 1kg je punnn...

I am 4 days late. Hope I am not pregnant. I can't be. We are not ready. We are already done.

Gonna test myself this evening. Please be negative.

I want to support my friends' business. So many hyped up reviews about Norwex. They are all seem overly excited about it. So, it's not a surprise that I have high expectation about it.

Bought the dust mitt. Received a free Enviroscrub.

Meh.

I knew it, okay...It's expensive just because it's from the US. So, the price has to follow the US market lah. In the end, still made in China, so I can roughly guess the huge profit margin they are getting. Effectiveness? Sama je macam Kao Magiclean (been using it for a few months already). At least, when I use Magiclean, I know it would do its jobs as advertised. No overclaims.

Norwex. Catch dust? Sure it does, tapi tak adalah melekat gilaaa...

Am actually quite disappointed because my hope was really high!

Am I converted? Nope.

Tapi tak sampai hati tulis review macam ni dekat kawan kan, so tulis dalam blog je lah...

Son is excited for December. Because it means it's Christmas season and his favourite online games will have pretty Christmas themed decorations.

He asked me, "Mommy, Santa Claus real kan?"

Since he asked...I told him the truth, and it shouldn't matter anyway. We don't celebrate Xmas and we don't have close friends who celebrate it.

But, he didn't accept my answer. Hahaha. He simply said, "Nope. Santa is real!"

I wonder what's going in his mind. If Santa was real, why had he never come to visit our house and bring you presents, huh!

P/s: My son also still believes in tooth fairy.

Home today. Had migrain, so asked for a leave from work.

Anyway.

I've been on a shopping spree and have not really stopped yet. Do I feel guilty? Not really. I am not much of a big spender, so when I do spend, it usually feels deserved. Haha. Excuses, excuses. It's not like I've achieved anything big...

So, been looking at Louis' old pictures and his denim jacket looked so cosy! I was never a fan. When I lived overseas, I thought it is not warm enough for me, so might as well buy a proper warm jacket. Read: Student, no money for anything only fashion (must be fashion AND function). But, now, I thought I could rock it. Hahahaha! Am so wrong!

Good thing, I always do my research. I actually wanted the Planet Holltwood one, but it is discontinued, and the thrifted ones are expensive! So, I think the Levi's ex-boyfriend trucker jacket would be my next choice. Suddenly, I realized, hey, wearing tudung now, I wonder how I would style it.

Thank God I did go online to look for inspirations and...I tak jumpa any hijabi that could style it to my liking! So, nope, couldn't pull it off. Cancel purchase. Money saved.

Next would be bag, shoes and jeans. Things I have mentioned before...

Today, I did finish a novel- Firefight by Brandon Sanderson. Since life is less hectic now, I want to read again, other than children's books. Haha.

It's quite hard to find his books. Sold out or you need to pre-order. Rather pricey too. Bought two of his books during the recent Big Bad Wolf sale. Itu pun, not the popular ones. Tapi, 10 ringgit saja, murah sangat! I really want the The Final Empire, they say it's a good book to start with.

Anyway, could you believe they are people out there who question the validity of reading fiction books! They think it's time wasting and non productive. Say what! That never ever crossed my mind, I thought reading novels are already nerd enough! Haha. These people are another whole new level of nerd.

Reading is relaxing and my imaginations run wild when reading fictions. I don't like motivational/ self-help books. I don't know why, maybe because I think they are all the same. Ah, well, whatever, you feel smarter whenever you read, fiction or not. That's my opinion.

Indifferent. That's how I feel tonight.

Looking through my feeds, seeing other people accomplish big things in their life, and then, there's me. Not jealous, happy for them, but wishing I could have them all too...

I've come to terms that my life is not so bad after all. I mean, I always believe that we have our own hurdles in life. If you are on top all your life, in all that you do, then, well, you are the chosen one. Even Nabi pun didn't have it easy. Don't forget that.

Anyway...I always try to motivate my friends instead. Using myself as an example. Never give up! Don't stop! Your time will come soon! You are not as bad as meeee! Hehehe...

Okay. Let's talk about dumb things. Like...It's Black Friday, did you buy anything?

I'm eyeing on this Tory Burch bag, but the colours I am after are not on sale. Tory Burch is not so expensive kan, but still, I want to buy it at discounted price. Because I am like that!

I also need a pair of black jeans. But jeans are difficult to buy online. I'm going to try the Zara and Uniqlo ones, once it's safe to shop again. I haven't been back to see Mother in a loooonnggg time...

Aahh...And lastly, the thing that I might be revealing here only...My current crush is Louis Tomlinson yang comel...Good thing I ada blog ni kan...I can always write stuff like this on the blog. No judgement. Hahaha...I nak tengok dia live this 12th December...Lets!

My husband came home at 10.30pm just now and asked me, "Malam ni tak exercise ke?"

Well, well, well. I work out when I feel like it. And now that my husband is asking...Should I get my ass up and sweat?

Ugh. I know some people like to have someone who reminds you, motivates you, be your training partner...But why do I feel like I am being judged and criticised instead?

Sebok je kan...(Rolls eyes)

My male friend told me this-

He knows a lady, whose is so depressed, because she felt neglected after her husband got a second wife.

Of course, as a woman, I could feel her pain.

But my idiot friend said-

Her husband is rich. When you look at her, you could see the huge gold bangles she's wearing. She even told me that her husband bought her gold jewelleries just last month. So, terabai macam mana tu?

See? Idiot, right?

What about, emotionally neglected? You think you can simply buy our feelings? The world would be much less complicated if it's that easy!

If money can really make us happy, why do we fall in love with poor men, sometimes?

Men...They always think they are being fair to their wives, when in actual fact, most likely, they are hurting perhaps all of their wives!

Sigh.

I pray for happiness for all deserving wives in the world.

Orang selalu cakap, sabarlah...Fine, I pray God will grant us all with patience. And please, please, please have faith. There will be ease after every hardship.

Most people with body image problem-

See themselves fat, but as a matter of fact, they are not fat.

My problem-

Looks in the mirror and think I am not that fat. See photos of myself- damn, what was I thinking!

I feel ridiculous. I need to change the mirror.

Inferiority complex. Depression. Low self-esteem.

When you are supposed to shop and make yourself happy, but instead, feeling like a total loser, because the people who used to go to school with you are a bunch of over achievers.

I am nobody. Can't even be pretty!

Booked a hotel room for a short holiday yesterday in the afternoon. A few hours later, we found out we had to cancel our plan.

Decided to keep my annual leaves. I need to spring clean the house, then, I looked forward to doing nothing. Suddenly, I was notified that school would be closed too! So, I will be stuck with them kids! Ugh. I love them so dearly, but I need my alone time.

Looking at them just now, without knowing how would I entertain them and educate them at the same time, I suddenly remembered that, maybe now, I need to focus on my son going for circumcision. My son agreed, and he said he's ready. So, tomorrow, I need to survey for khatan doctors. Hopefully, they can do it without the COVID-19 test. I don't want him to be traumatised twice!

Also...I managed to spend a lot within these 2 days. I think it is because I am stressed out that we could not proceed with our vacation lans. Hahaha.

Was buying books from Big Bad Wolf when I came across Dr. Seuss Learning Library book set. Almost purchased it but, luckily I found out that they are not written by Dr. Seuss himself. The review is all great, but, they are not the classic classics, you know what I mean?

I think I've mentioned before, how it is so amazing that Dr. Seuss wrote those books so long ago, even way before I was born, but my kids and I still enjoy reading them. Hebat, kan? Because I am aware of how old the books are, I sometimes imagine myself being at that time- the time when they consider 7 pounds for a pair of shoes is rather expensive!

Anyway, tiba-tiba je rasa nak cakap pasal buku hari ni. You might think it is so boring...Sometimes, I feel like I am on a mission that I want my kids to be more cultured. That's why I am always looking out for classic books.

I bought Billy Goat Gruff a few months ago. Kids love it. My pick when I need to bring books for dinner. They love it when I changed my voices to suit the characters.

I still haven't found the satisfying version of The Little Match Girl, yet. I like it to be age-appropriate for the kids (7 and 4 years olds). Please share, if you know!

Well, okay lah. Dah pukul 2. Nak tidur. Esok nak shopping for acrylic stuff pulak. Haha. And Zalora. Mogok punya pasal sebab PKPP/B. Hope to write again, soon...Bye!

Girl. 8 years old. Lost father when she was a toddler. Lost her mother this year. Her world totally changed. Even lost her old friends. Moved country.

Grandmother asked her to pray for her parents.

Upset, she said- Why do you always asking me to pray to God? You said to pray for mommy to get better! But she didn't get better, she died!

Oh, my heart. I can't imagine the burden she has to bear at such young age...

Remember, I made a confession that I recently like One Direction? Hahaha...No shame.

Yesterday marked their 10th year as a band. Boyband. But, somehow, it made me super melancholic and after I read Niall's, Liam's, Louis' dedications, I cried a little after I read Harry's post. Like, guyssss. And I am a new fan!

It started with me enjoying their old songs. Then, the Internet brought me to their stories, how they were formed, what happened to Zayn and Louis, watching their old silly videos, I grew to love them. Hahaha...OMG, why am I saying thisssss! I am nit obsessed, but I am like, a proud friend/ sister, watching them made it this far. And also, a little sad to what hapoened to their group. A little mad at Zayn, just post something to these people who obviously still love you!

And annoyed and disappointed at their 10th anniversary gift. So pathetic. That's it? So, it really must be over.

Also, Louis ni comel lahhhh...Once bubbly and so much fun. But, that's what happened when you grow up, right? We change. It's okay. It's time to move on...



Anyway, today is a post about celebrities, I guess.

I also am interested to follow Johny Depp's court case. Basically, he is suing The Sun newspaper for labelling him 'Wife beater'. From what I've read so far, Amber Heard is crazy. I am on Depp's side.

I liked Johny Depp before, then I found out he uses drugs, so he's not on my top list anymore. I mean, I am inclined to someone who is clean, so that person can be worth my attention, you see...

Anyway, Johny Depp is not perfect, plus, he's old now, but his say vs her say about their marriage, it's entertaining to me! I hope he wins the case and we get to cancel Amber Heard. Psycho lah minah tu...




And lastly, from our local scene. Kes si Sugu Pavithra tu. I remember like maybe, a month ago, punyalah viral- Di belakang setiap kejayaan wanita, ada lelaki yang baik. Something like that.

Pandailah korang punya cerita! Nasib baik I tak pernah like. Why? Because orang yang tulis cerita tu, tulis berdasarkan andaian. Nampak dalam video sweet sweet, terus puji melambung. Nothing against the couple, I swear, I am happy with what they have achieved so far. But I am disagreeing with writings without credibilities.

And to give Sugu the benefit of doubt, maybe, this is the first aggression that he had caused toward his wife. So that, we could forgive him. If not, I want to tell all women in the same shoes- to run. Protect yourself and your kids.

Hi...Lama tak tulis.

Well, basically I've been busy at home. You know, being domestic, doing Mom's job. I come home from work, I cook, kemas dapur, ask my eldest to do his revision, on most night we read the Muqaddam, if not, I just ask my eldest to recite from memories...Then, it's almost compulsory to read them bedtime stories...Still sticking Dr. Seuss, they have new favourites. My son likes Green Eggs and Ham, my daughter likes The Cat in the Hat.

Then, after they fall asleep, I lipat baju. Sometimes, I exercise. Still not losing weight though. What is thisssss...Weight fluctuates 53-55kg. I am alarmed if it hits 55kg, oh, please, my aim is 52kg...Just 52kg okay, why is it so hardddd...

I used to try to blog at my workplace, but the aircond is so cold, I can barely move there! Besides, quite busy lah...And no privacy.

Anyway...
My son has been rating my Mom's performance for the past few days. I mostly get zero star because I argue with him or force him to do his homework. He hates my instructions.

But tonight, when I was putting him to sleep, I read a book for him and I talked to him, telling him stories, massaged his hands as he wished, and he rated me as 4 stars. 4 stars! Why not 5? But he said he loves me.

Budak-budak zaman sekarang...Haha...

My son also has learned a new trick. Whenever I am angry or upset, and I look like I am going to scold him, he would quickly hug me and tell me he is sorry. Amboi, pandainya...Of course lah, tak jadi marah.

And funny thing just now, I was annoyed at my husband because he forgot to close the refrigerator's door properly before he went out. Ugh. I was so irritated, I went to my son's room and told him that he had to finish his homework, and he even tried to pull his trick on me even though it was not his fault. Hahaha.

I didn't realized I needed it. Because whenever he does that, I cooled down really quick, and I guess it's actually healthy for me. I hope they continue to do it. Forever. Yes, my daughter does it too, she did it first for a long, long time.

You know another thing that annoys me?

This ad randomly appeared on my FB and I thought it's ridiculous to claim 'Get a gorgeous box for free'.

Like, what the hell. That is a box, it's a part of your packaging, it's not even gorgeous, and you tell me it's a gift. Ikhlas ke tak ni? What's wrong with just giving only one gift- the scrunchie. But nooo, two is better than one, and what gift would cost you nothing extra but you think would be a good marketing ploy?

*Rolls eyes*

Please! So stupid. I am repelled just by reading this ad.

Puasa hari ini.
Nak masak something fast for dinner.

Trout fish.
Searched for trout recipes on Youtube.
Semua macam involve bahan yang I tak ada. Lemon lah, thyme leave lah etc
Geltting frustrated because it was already late, until I read a comment that you can actually cook trout fish with just lemon, salt and pepper. May add any spice. Hahaha...Noob.

Ganti lemon dengan limau nipis (because siakap boleh masak dengan limau nipis, so I thought that should do it). Garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper. Plus, Chinese 5 spice, because that's the only spice (other than blackpepper) that I had around.

Turned out good and kids enjoyed dinner. Haha, success!

Bedtime-
Me: Sedapnya Mommy masak tadi...
Son: Ha ah lah. Sedap. Mommy masak apa tadi? Crab ke?
Me: Tu ikanlah...Ikan trout.
Son: Ohhh...Rasa macam crab yang kita makan dekat London. Ingat tak? Sedap...
Me: Mana ada kita makan crab! Kita makan lobster lah...

Ya'll, my son compared my cooking to the dish that we had at Burger&Lobster!
Best compliment of the day!

Disclaimer- trout do not taste like lobster. My son was talking nonsense. Hahaha...!

Okay, sekarang ni kan trend Black Lives Matter. If I didn't say anything on social media, it doesn't mean I don't support it, okay...
I know how it is like to be a minority, because when I studied abroad, I was a minority, and they used to suspect Asians like me to overstay in their countries and will likely become immigrants in the hope of better future.

Well, a lot of Asians do become illegal immigrants there, so, it's not entirely wrong of them to generalize. But, it still hurts, okay. Like, terguris hati gitu. Even when you visit them as tourists, masih di treat like that, but maybe, it's just me yang oversensitive sikit-sikit.

When my friends and I worked there, or when we were doing attachments there, we also faced discriminations. But, not too bad lah. Generally, we had happy experiences.
But, whenever I faced these kinds of negativity, when people simply assumed I was stupid or incompetent because I was an Asian who worked as a waitress, I rasa macam...If they only knew that I scored higher than most of them in my exams, or my father was probably making more money than you! Tapi, cakap dalam hati je lah kan...Hahaha...

So, the moral of the story is- Be nice to everybody and don't look down on other people. You never know...


Anyway.
I read there are so many celebs and social media influencers doing it wrong. Hahaha...How hard can it be to support a cause, because they are all doing wrong! Cringey...

Maybe, some of them are trying to be original, trying to start a new trend, by doing black make-up tutorial! No! No, no, no! OMG, I hanya mampu geleng kepala.

Or, photoshopped their photos so they look African. So ridiculous!
Completely missing the message!
You are supposed to be proud of your heritage, celebrate diversity in the human race, demand for better treatment irregardless of how you look on the outside, because it's what in the inside that matters! Yang you pergi menghitamkan diri tu apesal, so stupid!

And what about those who posed happily during rallies. Wear a sexy black outfit, so fashionable and stylish, perfect Instagram photos with the background of people who actually participated in the cause.

On the other hand, netizens can be quite mean too. Like, semua benda nak criticise. Letak border dekat Intagram gambar hitam tu pun tak boleh. Macam-macam lah yang tak betul.

Or, maybe, I am the one who's been reading too many crappy news. Oh, well...

There is this guy, who used to be my classemates when I was 16 and 17. We were close like normal boarding school classmates should be, like okay lah, tak adalah close gila, but we joked around and we talked.

He ended up marrying our classmate too. So, we all are, okay lah, biasa, rapat masa sekolah, tapi dah tua ni tak adalah rapat.

Anyway, now, we all work together. His wife is in a different department. This guy ranks higher than my position.

In March, this guy did something to me. Because of his ranks, he has the power to order me around, but what he did made me so upset because

- his order was too sudden, he should've asked me personally first. I mean, if it was the other way round, I definitely would have given him a heads up, for old time sake.

- it's not like he doesn't have my number, we all are in the same Whatsapp group for goodness sake! Dan bukan group tidur ye...Acceptably active.

In the end, I bypassed his order because my direct boss, which ranks higher than him, made the ultimate decision for me.

But, still...Sakit hati. Terasa sangat dengan how he treated me. No courtesy at all .

Since then, I naik menyampah dengan dia.

Adalah terserempak, but very professional conversation only and nobody else knew about our prior relationship (as classmates) except for a few people.

My husband knows how I feel about him.

I forgot to tell you that my husband was friends with him too. I introduced them and they would bump into each other every now and then.

Today, my husband bumped into him, but he didn't say 'Hi' to my husband. My husband is the type of person who always, always says 'Hi' first (unlike me), so, just now, he was testing whether this guy would acknowledge my husband's presence if my husband didn't say 'Hi' first.

When my husband arrived home, suddenly my husband declared his dislike to this guy. He said, this guy sombong lah, berlagak lah, perasan bagus lah...

Women are complicated.

As much as I menyampah dengan this ex-classmate of mine, I don't want to turn my husband against him too. I am sure I am not the one who influenced my husband to be less fond of him, but when my husband talked bad about him, I felt the need to defend him pulak.

Because I know he isn't that bad, it was just that one time that got me really upset.

And, it annoys me that my husband has developed a dislike to him, why can't I be the only one who don't like him now!

Ugh.

Now, I am confused. Shouldn't I be glad that my husband is on my side?

Haha. Apalah yang I fikir malam-malam ni...Complicated lah jadi perempuan ni!

I tucked my boy at 9.30pm and as soon as I saw my daughter was already in dreamland, I left the room. Went to the kitchen, and my son came out of the room, telling me he couldn't fall asleep.

I thought I could repel him by saying- Well, do you want to do your homework, then?

He said okay.
(He's been missing a lot of his online class and has accumulated a number of homework which I planned to catch up over the weekend)

And so, we finished the Science and 8 pages of Maths!

It was 11pm, and he requested to sleep with me. Awww...My sweet, sweet boy yang dah besar panjang.

I let him. Because I still enjoy this sometimes. My son, who hugged me to sleep tonight. Mommy doakan semoga jadi anak yang berjaya di dunia dan di akhirat.

My depressed colleague that I mentioned previously, has now improved. I am so happy for her!
And she is more open about it too. She shared a little bit of what she experienced, hearing voices, losing 6 kgs because she wasn't eating at all... She said the meds are helping, making her sleep better and stabilizes her mood.

So, guys, if you are not feeling yourself for a long time, please don't be shy to reach out. I hope you'll feel better.

Watched a Youtuber Q&A, and one of the questions was- Are you rich?

And the Youtuber defined financially rich as having not to worry about the necessaries, such as paying for utilities, able to afford nice things in your life, and when you reach the point where there's nothing that you want that you couldn' afford.
It depends on your definition, because you usually have a goal on how much you want to make.
Then he said, "Then, I guess, I am rich."

Hhhmmm...I think I agree with him. As long as you have everything you want, then, Alhamdulillah, you are rich.

I feel rich today because since yesterday, I've had the realization that there's nothing that I want currently. I haven't shopped for myself in a long, long time. Not because I can't, I just didn't have the desire to add more stuff in my life. (And I don't think books and kitchen stuff count in this statement)

Yesterday, I finally bought jewelry for myself and for a couple of my friends. It's titanium with a lifetime warranty. It would be my first titanium jewelry, do you think it would be any good?

And one of the main reasons why I bought it is because- I wanted to buy gifts for my friends, so might as well I buy for me too. I am also old and boring. Haha.

So, I consider myself financially rich. I want nothing more in my life, Alhamdulillah!

Somehow, at this age, I dislike when people say that I am smart.

We do change over time.

I remember when I was younger, it was something I was proud of. Like, it was the only thing that I knew I was good at. I was not pretty, but I was kinda smart. Definitely not the smartest, but academic studies were not very difficult for me. I used to get good grades even though my efforts were so-so.

Well, not anymore. I don't feel smart now. I've had failures, you see. And it crushed me. I am grounded because of this. If I was really intelligent, I wouldn't fail, again and again, right?

My husband thinks I am smart. I know he thinks so, but it's weird when he said it out loud the other day. We disagreed with someone whom we sought professional opinion from, then he said, "You pandai. You tengok sekali, you dah boleh suspect."

I got a compliment, indirectly, but why wasn't I happy? In my heart, I replied- I bukannya pandai. I observant je.

Same thing today. Had a chat with a friend. She was feeling down, and we talked, then we got to a particular topic, and she said- You memang pandai pun. She mentioned it twice.

Then, why don't I feel like I am!

I feel so ordinary.

There so many others who are way smarter than I am. I am not smart enough.

I wish I can fake it 'til I make it.

I have so many things to talk about.

About the major illness in the family and the different ways of coping.
About cheekbones.
About food.
About books.
About movies.
About blessings, studies, etc.
About how some people think where you graduated from is still important even after 10 years of leaving university.

Okay, maybe something short for now. Because I am sleepy.

My friend kept an ancient self-made Raya card that I gave him in 2005. That is freaking 15 years ago, and the condition is great, I am so amazed! I printed it out and the colour is still vibrant. It's either I used a high quality paper, ink and printer or my friend really knows how to care for his things.

Anyway, because it is such a rare item, like opening a time capsule, I showed it to my newer friends. The group that I've known for the last 3-4 years.

One of them said- Ectopy, you look a little bit chubby there...

Oh, yeah! All of our weights yo yo-ed at first, we were still adapting to the weather, food ration and stuff, so yeah. I don't mind a little bit of chubby when they are in their supposed taut places. Heeee...

Then, it was my ex-housemate birthday, so I wished her, and also, forwarded the photo of the said card.
"My other friends said I look chubby here."

And, my sweetest friend said- "Chubby? You've always had high cheekbobes."
Awww...That is such a nice way to put it. Thanks.
She said- But it is true!

Aaahhh...The forgotten cheekbones...I never knew I had high cheekbones, until my niece asked me, "Auntie Ectopy, apa tu?"
She pointed at my cheeks, my cheekbones to be exact.
Me: What?
Niece: Kenapa bila Auntie Ectopy smile, ada tu...(Little niece demonstrated the apples of my cheeks popping out)

Hahaha...I was in my early twenties, got back for summer, and my young niece asked me questions that made me feel like an alien. Because I didn't know what she meant!

I looked in the mirror for a good few hours, when I finally rationalized myself, perhaps, it was about my cheekbones indeed (because there wasn't anything else there!)

Okay, so that's the story about how I was reminded of my high cheekbones. It's not something I associate myself with, but it's nice. It's nice to be reminded that once upon a time, a few people thought I had high cheekbones. The good old days...

My girl asked for a book. A pop-up Alice in Wonderland book by Robert Sabuda that she saw on Yoube. It's expensive and I said- No, nanti Baby H koyakkan!
She promised she won't.
And the book looks so pretty, so I decided to buy it. Still waiting, it's been two weeks.

I thought I wanted to wait until the book arrived before I write this, but, lama sangatlah!

I also wanted to buy other pop-up books for my son, you know, I am trying to be fair here, if my daughter gets one book, my son should get one too. But, all the pop-up books I think is suitable for a boy, is not available locally. And I've checked multiple websites. Most are pre-order. Don't want lah pre-order.

Anyway, I also bought A Classic Case of Dr Seuss, a collection of 20 books. I bought it with my kids in my mind, but actually, I also want to read them, because I've never read a single Dr. Seuss book, so I want to know what's the hype is about.

We haven't finished all of them but each of us have our own favourite. Haha.

I like Oh, The Places You'll Go. It's so real. It's the kind of story that I would read if I'm feeling down or if I need a lift up.

My son likes The Sneetches and I Wish I Had Duck Feet.

My daughter likes There's a Wocket in My Pocket.

Because of their favourites, we've been reading the same books over and over again before bedtime. That's why we haven't finished reading the whole collection yet. That's okay. I want them to enjoy it. That's the purpose.

I also wanted to buy
Charlie and The Chocolate Factory
The Little Prince
but I guess, not now. I don't think my kids are ready for these yet.

And for myself, maybe someday I will buy all Robert Sabuda's pop-up books and just admire his work up close. Cantik sangat!

I ran out of things to watch. Can you believe it? Even though there are a million movies out there that I haven't watched yet...It's just that I am quite picky, because I want to watch the movies I know I would appreciate and worth my time.

Suddenly I remember watching Bestdressed's top movies on Youtube a while back.

So. Gone girl. Spoiler alert.

Are you surprised that I like the ending? I like the fact that the husband couldn't put his wife in jail. I am surprised that even though the wife is psychopathic criminal, I still want the husband to be punished, just because of his infidelity.

I hate disloyal people. Especially in marriage, because marriage is sacred.

But it's funny how I couldn't side to the husband's absence of justification of cheating AND menghabiskan duit bini, I actually was thinking padan muka all the while. And it is surprising how I feel about the whole thing- psychopathic manipulative control freak/ murderer vs unfaithfulness, that I actually like the ending where the husband is stuck with the wife.





From the comments. I scrolled for other recommended movies, and now I have a list of films to watch, yeay!

I watched the The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. It is pretty slow but the movie picked up at the second half. It's a movie you'd appreciate if you are like me, older and calmer. I know I wouldn't like it if I watched it in my 20s. Haha. The cinematography is great. So cantik. It makes me to go to these exotic places and just be absorbed in the beautiful nature.





Ahhh...and before I forget. Love, Rosie. Oohhh...Love it! The ending could've been better. I mean, I imagine they finally get together when they are older, like in their in 40s, instead of so soon after Alex's marriage. I mean, I wouldn't want to be with someone who just got married for a few months. It clearly shows a lack of commitment. Otherwise, it's a feel good movie about the not so perfect life of Rosie.






And here is my list of movies to watch
The Theory of Everything
Time Freak
The Edge of 17
Her
Call Me by Your Name
Booksmart
The Science of Sleep
Ghost World
Insidious
Stranger Than Fiction
The Farewell
Sorry to Bother You
Brooklyn
Fantastic Mr. Fox
About Time
Hunt for the Wilderpeople
Perfect Blue

You can recommend your favourite movies to me too...

Some of my favourites that I can recall now
Inception
Stardust
The Greatest Showman

My friend introduced me to 7 minute work out. To be honest, it was my first time I heard about it.

So, I watched the Youtube video. It looked intense, I told them- Well, it will probably take me an hour for me to complete this.

Because of this fear, I didn't start right away. I was preparing myself in case I failed. I did a quick research whether it will be worth it.

Some people think it doesn't exert them too much. I encountered one person who actually did it 3-4 times per day because he didn' sweat too much.

He also thinks it doesn't help with weight loss (which is my goal actually), but another person thinks it helps with inch loss.

Tonight, I felt like I was up to it. Follewed the Tabata pace, and guess what, it wasn't that bad! I could never do the push up, but I did the rest of it, and it was actually okay! I didn't even sweat that much. So, I guess, I agree with the online reviews, it shouldn't be your only work out, and this would be good if you are busy and maybe, you are on a holiday etc.

Anyway, I think my mind still thinks I am weak. The work out I've been doing so far, which I don't even do daily, actually have improved my stamina. I realize it, but I keep underestimating my current abilities. The work out I did before would take about one hour long, and usually by the end of it, all I want to do is to lie down (because I'd be so tired). This 7 minute work out is like a baby sister, and I am so surprised that I think that way now. Me before PKP would have just collapsed.

There are several possible reasons why I haven't lost weight yet (I read this online)
- I don't drink enough water (Ramadhan)
- I don't get enough sleep (well, yeah, I like to watch movies after kids are asleep)
- I am gaining muscle mass instead
- I still don't eat healthy

As we all know, prices of designer brands are increasing. Which is so sad, because our Malaysian currency is not doing better for the past few years, and that already makes the products so expensive!

And now, price increment! Banyak pula tu! And I agree with some of the comments that I have chance upon- we don't really mean the price increase if you could offer a better quality, or improvement of some sorts...But, why we should pay more for the exact same items! It's not fair, it is distasteful, and why don't they consider that people are losing money worldwide! Maybe, that's what they are going for: to keep it exclusive, only for the elites to purchase. Ugh.

Okay. So, my plans now are

- buy handbags that I really, really like, strictly classic looking, in only neutral colour. No more paying crazy expensive for stupid canvas, only leather, and to make sure I buy something very durable

- buy good quality leather from small businesses, preferably local

- REALLY considering fakes for shoes. Or not. I don't know. I am torn. I rasa berdosa kalau beli fake. But, I am not going to pay that much anymore for something that might not even comfortable for my feet! Or, just buy Clarks. I love Clarks. Because of the textile linings. I have sweaty soles, so, I love textile linings. But it is so hard to find. I would buy more Bata shoes if they use textile linings, I swear

- boycott Chanel. Paling ridiculous, I tak hingin. I wouldn't be able to justify myself, ever! I want only if it's not so expensive. Hahahaha. Sebenarnya, memang tak mampu. (T ___T)

- to care less about designer brands. Whatever.

Geramnya! Geram, marah and I rasa macam, they do not appreciate their customers. I can foresee the fake industry will become the next big thing. Will I fall for it, though?

If you were depressed, would you want people to find out, or would you want to keep it a secret?

Okay, more specific. Would you want your colleague to know about your depression?

I am new at this place. My team is small. Only 8 people.
There's this girl who is not herself lately.

Well, I am not too affected by it because I thought that's how she is. I don't know how she was before. I don't mind her being distant, quiet and moody, because well, I really don't care as long as nobody disturbs me.

The others started talking about her.
Why is she like that? Did we do something wrong to her?
But, when it  goes on and on, they started to get annoyed.
Why is she like that? She should get a husband. She should find someone who can stand her behaviour.

Anyway, I really can't comment. I just listened.

But, I accidentally saw her records. She has depression and anxiety, and she's on meds. Aahhh...That explains it. There is something wrong with her, but she doesn't do it on purpose (because really, who wants to be depressed?)

I witnessed her becoming anxious one time. She was sitting at her desk, when she suddenly couldn't breath and her hands felt numb. I managed to ask her, and she told me that she panicked.
A few days later, she told me that she was thinking about our colleague's father who recently passed away, maybe she imagined the same would happen to her.

I thought it was best to let the others know. So that we go easy on her.

I have a soft spot for mental illness because so many stigma about it, I feel like I have a responsibility to be extra supportive.

Anyway, I told my other colleagues about her condition
- it's not her fault that she is depressed. And the most important thing is, she recognized that she is not being herself and she is actually getting professional help for herself
- so, maybe, we can show more empathy towards her and don't stress her out so much

That night, I received a text from her closest friend in the department: Please keep this a secret. Don't tell anyone else.

I was a little bit offended. I mean, did he think the reason I told people was to humiliate this girl? No, I want we all to leave her alone. Stop asking why is she like this and like that. There's no answer, she is just depressed. Tapi sekarang, my niat telah disalah ertikan.

Salahke I?
Should I ask her first before disclosing this information?
I really thought if we all knew, we could help her feel better...

Today's Pandai App's questions for BM are better. Not all about digraf and konsonan bergabung, more like the kinds I approve.

Question 5.
Orang utan tinggal di ____
a) hutan
b) rumah
c) kebun

Son answered a.
Good.

Me: Tau tak orang utan tu apa?
Son: Orang asli.
Me: Bukanlah! (Googles pictures of orang utan). Ni ha, orang utan!
Son: Mommy tipulah! Ni bukan orang! Ni animal!
Me: Errr...Tapi nama dia memang orang utan lah...

----

Daughter woke up for sahur. Didn't want to give her screentime so early in the morning. Asked to come closer so she can help me making tea.

Me: Okay, we are going to make tea. Come, help me take out the teabag and put it in the mug.

Daughter followed as intructed.

Me: Look...The teabag is in the mug...
Daughter: Macam kubur je...
Me: Apa dia? Macam kubur?
Daughter: Haa...Macam tempat orang mati tu...

I think what she meant was- the teabag looks like a tombstone.
Oh, my daughter!

----

Part of my son's schoolwork is to watch a Prophet story everyday during month of Ramadhan. One day, one prophet.

Yesterday was the story of Prophet Musa. His teacher gave us the links of Youtube video to watch. So far, the story of Nabi Musa is probably the longest, almost 50 minutes long, it took us two days to finish watching.

Towards the end of the story, Nabi Musa climbed Mount Sinai and God gave him two tablets (of stones).

Upon hearing this, my son said- Ohhh...Allah bagi dia iPad...

Me: Errr...No...Allah bagi dia, macam tablets (lost for words on how to describe things to kids)
Son: Ye lah, tablet tu yang macam iPad lah kan..
Me: Zaman dulu- dulu mana ada iPad! Eh, dah lah, dengar cerita ni sampai habis! Lepas ni kena jawab Quizzizz pula! (Successfully evading from having to explain what tablets of stones are!)

----

Esok I kerja halfday!

I've been lazy. Three days in a row without exercising. What happened to my resolution, eh?

And I also have been putting off my chores of bringing the blankets to the laundry downstairs. Maybe, I will do it tomorrow...

Yesterday, I found out my son couldn't grasp the task of writing Jawi properly. He could read it like a 7 year-old would do (I mean, to me, okay lah, boleh baca surah lazim sikit-sikit), but writing is horrible.

I was thinking of teaching him Jawi, I know it will definitely test my patience, but I always put myself as the standard. I khatam Quran when I was in standard 2, went to sekolah agama when I was 9. Sucked at Jawi, couldn't read and write very poorly, I got number 17 in that class, okay. But picked myself up very quickly when I was 10, always in top 3 of the class after that.

So, okay. Perhaps, I don't need to be so harsh on him.



You know, I downloaded the app Pandai. Haha. Mengharap IQ anak I setaraf genius. -___-

Kangaroo Math- sometimes my son could answer but it took a long time and a lot of explaining.

Beaver computational- Questions are usually very long, even I could lose interest halfway. I usually ask my son to skip the question because it is too advanced for him (and sometimes for me also, I am ashamed to admit, haha).

And I didn't know BM can be tough! Do they really learn these 'digraf', 'konsonan bergabung' and whatnots in school? Okay, I understand maybe they do teach them in school, but do they put them in the question papers like that? So strange and to me, irrelevant.
For BM, I would just leave my son to answer by himself, and wouldn't get too annoyed if he got the wrong answers. Whatever.



Ahhh...Last but not least, my lovely daughter. She usually would automatically stop whatever she was doing whenever I go to 'teacher mode' to her brother. As if, she expects me to pay as much attention to her as I do to her brother. Sometimes, she even asks for homework too.

Still couldn't recognize ABC or 123, but I know she has so much potential in her. I can tell she has a sharp mind.

Anyway, I was feeding her dinner/ buka puasa just now. But, she's a slow eater. So, I rushed her.

Me: Baby H, cepat sikit makan tu. Slow lah awak ni! Mommy pun nak makan juga! Nak kemas dapur lagi!

Baby H: Mommy kan puasa, mana boleh makan!

-___-

Dia nak I puasa sampai ke malam ke...

Wanted to try a recipe
Puding Caramel Guna Blender and No Oven by youtuber limau nipis.

Got all the ingredients ready in the blender.

Lepas tu, blender rosak!

Great. Just great.

Watched a Malay drama with my daughter.
A senile mother calling for her daughter-in-law.

Senile mother: Nak Mira! Nak Mira! *crying like a baby because she's demented*



Daughter: Dia nangis...
Me: Haa...Kenapa dia nangis?
Daughter: Dia nak berak...


Nak Mira! Nak Mira!
Nak berak! Nak berak!

Okay, sounds legit.

One of the things that I am glad we practice in our family is- the act of kissing and hugging are natural.

Something I didn't grow up with.

My family, with Mother, Father and my siblings, we don't show our love...Physically and verbally. Dysfunctional? Maybe not kot...

Two times I remember Father kissed me. One, before PMR, second, before I flew overseas for my tertiery education.

I feel like writing this because my 7 year-old son willingly hugged me just now before his bedtime.

He went through a phase when he didn't like me kissing him or hugging him. But I persevered, you see. One time, I was watching TV, and I called him to come to me. He asked me what I wanted, and I declared that I needed a cuddle, which he reluctantly gave me. Haha.

But he is back to hugging for past 2 weeks, and I really enjoyed it. He doesn't hug his sister though. Typical brother and sister relationship. But Baby H always wants to hug him. They even had a game of kejar-kejar- Baby H chases after him to hug him, while Abang K runs away from her.

I hope we will always hug each other, even when I am old and wrinkly...

Was about to write about my disappointment of not losing weight even after 1 week of exercise, before I realized, it hasn't even been 1 week yet. Hahaha...Sabarlah, Ectopy!

Anyway...

Me during MCO: Yeay, happy no need to buy baju Raya. Besides, I still can't fit into my intended baju Raya. Plus, they are at Mother's house. Even my son's samping. Obviously couldn't go back to take them...

Me when the Government announced shops will be opened: Oh, no...Now, I have to buy baju Raya. I don't want to spend more money on something I already have...

Me when some states decide not to proceed with the conditional MCO: Yeay! Back to not having to shop!

Haish...What is this...Memperkotak-katikkan perasaan I!

Progress is...

Doing a 30-second plank. Success!

Then, collapsed on the floor for 30 seconds.

Haha.

Anyway, would like to recommend you guys to watch Friday Night Dinner on www.soap2day.com

Netflix sucks.

I don't know why I enjoy British humour more lately.

Maybe around last week, I found out some people actually lose weight during MCO.

I was so shocked! Guys, I thought we were in the same boat, we were supposed to gain weight during MCO, together! Because we do nothing and we can't go out.

But the people who lost weight said
- they don't eat junk food anymore
- they cook healthy options now
- they drink more plain water
- they have more time to do exercises now, whereas when they are working, they wouldn't be able to go work out or would be too tired to work out

Say whatttt!!!

Okay, so, I have figured out my problem. Definitely not overeating.
Which is so sad...Because I am already not eating much, guys, but why do I still can't lose weight?

And we all know the answer, I just need to burn the calories by working out.
So obvious, but so hard to do. I prefer to reduce my calories intake.

Since last week, I've tried dancing again.

Backstory.
I gained weight when I was in boarding school. Obviously, because we ate 6 times per day, and I always finished my food. Hey, I was taught not waste rezeki.

When I was waiting for my SPM results, I had so much time in hand, I tried jogging around the lake, bringing my niece out to play. Because I have this silly thought that some guy would notice me and would try to get my number. Hahahaha! Just like in the movies...Me and my stupid fantasies...
Anyway, noone ever did. Then I got lazy. But I knew I was chubby and needed to lose the kilograms.
I needed to sweat.

So, I never switch on any fans in the house (unless they are other people around and they complain that it's hot), until now. I also started to dance in my room. Back then, I had a radio in my room, and I would dance to whatever songs they are. I would sweat so much...
Besides, I am always the dancer, not the singer. And it worked for me! (Plus, the fact that Mother did not cook 6 times per day for me)

Yeah, so, dancing again. Sure, I was sweating and tired, but I didn't get any sore muscle.
Good sign? Maybe not, because I am not a fit lady to begin with, so any kinds of exertion should cause me some sore. I had fun dancing to my favourite songs, but it doesn't mean I am doing it right, or burning enough fat!

Then, I changed my approach. Maybe, I should do a high intensity proper workout.

I came across a celebrity IG, and she showed some of her home workout. I decided to try it. Three parts. Each part, maybe around 4 or 5 different exercise. 15 times x 3 for each.

I watched it, and it looked doable, so challenge accepted! I even said to myself- I will even add a one-minute plank to this set of exercise. Smug.

Last night, I only did one part guys! One!
And I planked for 10 seconds for 6 times. That's one minute in total.
But, I was so sore, that is how out of shape I was!

I will get better. Right?



I bought this last year. It was on sale. Only RM150.

I bought the S size. But it took me a lot of squeezing! Like, why do you do this to me! Shouldn't you warn us the buyers that the size runs small for this particular design! (Because I could fit the other designs, no problem) And, I couldn't return the item because it was on sale, and couldn't swap with size M because there's no more stock. (I just checked, there are stocks now, but price is RM350)

Because of that, I made a resolution, that I would lose weight before next Raya, which will happen in less than 30 days, boohoo! And I thought I would naturally lose the weight during Ramadhan, but  MCO occurred and that totally messed with what I had in mind.

I remember when I was in my early 20s, I didn't mind being at the weight I am currently at. But, it is just not the same anymore.

Then, I was montok and perky at the right places. Now, gravity works (as if it didn't work before, hahaha, that's a silly way to put things, Ectopy!). Everything is pulled down. Menggelebeh.

I only want to lose 3-4kgs! Come on! I should be able to do this! And I want to become stronger. The workout video looks so easy, because I used to be able to do it! That's why I was so confident, like, yeah, sure, I could do that. But I was wrong! (Rolls eyes at myself)

What have I become during MCO?

A Directioner.

I am maybe 10 years late, but, whatever, if they are going to do a reunion soon, I am definitely going to their concert and acting and feeling like a teenager.

MCO made me so! Even watched their concert and TV Special on Youtube and watched This Is Us on soap2day.com.

I have no shame!

Love Niall and Louis. Harry is the pretty boy and Liam is so kind. Neutral feeling for Zayn, because he has issues, don't want to be involved with someone like that. I avoid baggage.

Niall is so active on IG too, been following him and watched his Live IG. Oh, my God, this is what I have become during MCO...

Assisted my son in his Hafazan. He got it, so I said, "Pandaiiiii."

It's a compliment. A form of positive enforcement. An encouragement.

But, you know how he responded?

Son- Pandai je?
Me- Ye lah. Dah hafal tu, pandai lah.
Son- Pandai je?
Me- Okay...Clever boy, you are a genius!

Amboi, amboi, budak zaman sekarang ni...Is pandai not good enough?

I feel like I want to continue writing about what I've watched.

1- Inbetweeners UK. Go watch the series if you haven't. It's the only series that had made me laugh out loud for every single episode except one. Seriously.

The appeal for this series
. Only 3 seasons, with 6 episodes for each season
. Relatable characters. They are so average
. When I say 'relatable', I didn't mean that it reminded me of my own teenage years. I didn't grow up in the UK, my friends and I weren't trying to lose our virginities or anything like that. But, I definitely remember the talk that my guy friends and I had about female stuff. Like, the different kinds of bras and about periods, and it was hilarious.
We also would ask questions like- have you ever masturbated before? And I particularly remember this one boy said never. We were 18 years old. Now, I know he was lying!

I got spanked one time by a classmate and I didn't know that was inappropriate until years later. I remember the parties we attended, how it was so exciting to go to KL on Merdeka eve and New Year eve, go clubbing and came home at 3-4am. Urgh. I could only do that if I slept over my friend's house. Her mom was quite cool about it because her older cousins would bring us out and drove us wherever, and we can trust her cousins. Questionable... (-___-)
One of her older cousin introduced us to porn also!

And by morning, her mom would prepare brunch for us. Haha. Life was easy and so much fun, then.

So, relatable to me in that sense.

2. Watched La La Land and love it. More like, I love how the film make me feel. I travelled back in time while watching it. Brought memories how in love I was with my boyfriends, some less than the others, but those happiness...The feelings of falling in and out of love...I like that. <3 p="">
3. My friend suggested The Fault In Our Stars. Because of his recommendations, he said, "I like the lines used in the film," I expected it to be Wow. It wasn't for me. In fact, it was a little bit annoying.

They are a bit too young for real love. Augustus is too good looking and charming to be someone who never had sex before, let alone no girls would fall for him. Ridiculous.

And the travelling to Amsterdam, meeting your favourite writer, and suddenly havr terminal cancer stage 4, when you look so fine, not even pale, skinny or fatigue...Come on...

And also, this cancer boy went to Amsterdam without his parents. And it was his first ever flying experience. No parents!

I really don't understand why you people like this film so much.

4. I also watched many futuristic films. But they are mostly depressing. Can you imagine being in outer space, all lonely and back. Floating in nothingness...

5. Andddd...Did you guys manage to see The Phantom Of The Opera by The Shows Must Go On on Youtube? It was up for 48 hours only. What a way to spend your time in isolation!

I've always liked theatres, started when I was in college, introduced by a friend who went to SSP (Sekolah Seri Puteri). Apparently, these elite girls were exposed to the culture since they were very young. Been hooked since. I've also watched theatres and ballet performances in a few European countries, and when my kids are a little older, I am going to force them to watch with me (because my husband doesn't enjoy it).

I've brought my kids to Siti Di Alam Fantasi and they certainly enjoyed the show, especially my eldest. He laughed and laughed...Good times.

And a great excuse to dress up, my favourite part of going to theatres. Haha.

I have to confess-

The only reasons why I watched Dunkirk

One: I was bored, not that many movies that attract my interest

Two: Found out Harry Styles acted in it. Like what, since when did he become a professional actor?

Hahaha...I know, I know, I am lame. I am busy with work and my family and I stopped following celebrity news a long time ago.

Anyway, I hate war movies. I find them boring. Like, Saving Private Ryan, or any other serious war movies I had watched.

Once, in University, I watched this war movie, I can't remember what it was called, but it was so boring. The only thing I remember was saying- Well, this is the first movie I that I watch with no women in it. No romance or kissing too.

I expected the same for Dunkirk. It took me 2 days to finish watching the film. The first half was boring, maybe because I was still getting used to the storyline and figuring out who's who. Like, who is French, who is British? Mind you, I watched it even without the synopsis or trailers.

So, yeah, first half of the movie was boring and I was getting sleepy. I actually contemplated whether to continue watching the second half. But because I didn't get enough of Harry, what the hell, just finish the movie. True story.

But tonight was different. I cried watching that film. Because by now, I can feel their desperation and fear, how uncertain life is, I understand how the father feels. I also noticed the soundtracks by the incredible Hans Zimmer, and how the sounds actually build up the suspense. Genius, don't you think? He consistently delivers, if not all, at least for the past 10 years or so...

And it's a film by Christopher Nolan. He's an amazing director. All of sudden, I now appreciate the director. He managed to make a war movie to be emotional and interesting, in a tasteful way too. No light comedies, no ramance, no inspiring dialogues...Yup, not much talking in this one.

In summary, I am surprised that I did enjoy it. Maybe, it's because I am older and I am now able to appreciate the little details. Like, I can see myself, 60 years in the future talking about today's war against COVID-19. If my 20 year-old self watched it, I am pretty sure she would think it's boring. I had different views and priorities then.

Just for the records

18 April 2020- my son complained that it's boring to stay at home, for the first time ever since the lockdown...

Jemu jelak. This is our life now. Who would have thought, eh?

I laughed out loud watching Inbetweeners on Netflix. Hahaha...It's immature (about average teens trying to get laid), it's gross, and they use adult language (I wouldn't even let teenagers watch this show), but it is ridiculously funny!

Only 3 seasons, 6 episodes each season. The first time I didn't laugh out loud was while watching Episode 4 Season 3, so...Yeah, another 2 episodes to go.

And...I just bought 12 tudungs, some of them in different sizes but same colours. Am I tamak, membazir or what!
But, they are pretty...

What does 'dititik' mean?

Halia dititik. Does it mean chopped finely until it looks like dot dot dot?

But that doesn't make sense because I heard 'serai dititik' too and nobody chops serai finely...Or do they?

I want to learn how to cook but I don't know what it means...

This is just like 'pecah minyak'. What the hell! But I watched Youtube, so now I roughly know what it is...I think.

Good thing about MCO-
I can tell the hairdresser why I have bad hair.

So unruly, frizzy, breaks easily, might have dandruff problems, uneven lenghth, unhealthy and it's getting too long!

If I was a teacher, I would be the garang type. I could be patient, but when I see my student is slow to pick things up, my voice would be louder and louder.

And this particular student of mine, responds better when I am strict. I am still figuring out whether he is a visual, auditory or kinestetic learner.

I worry lah. Is it wrong to worry? Is worrying about my son's ability means that I am not proud of him? Does this mean that I don't believe in his capabilities? Is it because he's a boy? Or maybe he's a late bloomer? Am I worried for nothing? I mean, he is just 7 years old.

I was angry at my son because he's slow to memorize the surah, not fast enough in Maths, has bad handwriting, piano skills have not improved yet, still bumpy when reading Iqra', not a good speller.

Sigh.

I keep comparing him to myself. Because I remember how I was when I was 7. And I hate this thought that I have- why can't you do it like I did.

You know, maybe I am just a bad parent. Me, a mother, who doesn't even know how to make her own son shine.

I've been avoiding the words 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend', when talking to my kids. I just want them to see the opposite genders as friends, it's okay to like them or not, because they are people. And if you like them, it doesn't mean you are a couple. I never tease my kids with any girls/ boys.

When we watch TV ir cartoons, I'd just say
- Oh, boy tu suka dekat girl tu...
- Dia dah kahwin dengan boy tu...

Hehe. So, my daughter has this perception that: if you kiss somebody on the mouth, it means you are married to that person.
(She'll say something like this: Nak kahwin dengan Daddy!- when she insists to kiss her dad on the lips)

Just now, I watched a funny Youtube video, and my son was asking what was it about, and why was it funny. When explaining, I said- Girlfriend dia jealous, bla bla bla.

And he understood. I guess he knew the word from the Internet.

Then he said, "Abang K tahu siapa girlfriend Daddy. Girlfriend Daddy is Mommy lah!"

Good boy.

My daughter ni pulak, when she was 3 years old, she said she had 4 friends. Amira, Athilash, Sofia and Adam.
Adam was a new kid. She never mentioned Adam before.
She said, "Baby H suka Adam. Sebab Adam handsome. Adam handsome macam Abang K."

Haha. Baby H adores her brother. Whenever she compliments someone on her looks, she'd compare them to Abang K or my husband.

Baby H is 4 this year. And for past 1 week, she has been enjoying Teen Titans.

I like Teen Titans too! It's funny.

I just think 4-year-olds shouldn't be watching Teen Titans. You are a toddler, not a teenager! Dia tengok sampai tergelak-gelak, macam faham sangat je...Faham ke?

You are important.
You are significant.
You are here for a reason.
You are here with a purpose.
You do contribute something to the society.

To all of you and us.

Responding to the people who might have been hurt by certain statements made from certain people.

People are mad, but what do they expect? She is human and make mistakes too. Nobody is perfect.

Anyway, she said she didn't say it.
We forgive and move on, okay?

When I am at work, I have high ambition. Like, if I was at home, I could cook more often, mop the floor, teach the kids...

But, when weekend comes, like today, all we did was- play. No lessons at all.

We pretended we were in the aeroplanes (my son wants to be in first class seats only, not even business class, okay, first class!), and we played police and robbers, we had a running race...Watched TV and the tablets in between and ate lots of chocolates. We didn't do any painting today, though.

I don't know whether I should feel guilty or not.

I'm guilty because I should've used the time to teach my kids Maths, or forced them to practice their piano, or read Iqra'.
But, on the other hand, some people say that playtime is when they learn too. I don't know what they get to learn when they play those games though.

But you know what I tell myself? Even if they didn't get to benefit anything from all of it, at least it did me good. We were creating memories. The ones that I would cherish when I am old. I guess, the playtime benefits me best.

1. I question the integrity of the Malaysian reporters who wrote the story of how Pornhub is now free. Perlukah cerita?

2. And I pray for those unfortunate kids who might have to live with
- ill-tempered parents
- bersempit-sempit dalam rumah kecik
- domestic violence
- sexual abuse

3. I wonder what happened to them robbers and drug addicts. Business is good as usual?

4. And I hope the addicts can finally withdraw from their addictions.

5. I am excited to see our Earth healing.

6. The animals must have been so weirded out to see less human. Can you imagine being one of the animals?
Monkeys won't be so happy though. They can't steal our food anymore. Hehe.

7. It could get boring to stay at home. But it is not too bad for me. For that, I am grateful for everything.

Was in the toilet one morning before work when my daughter called for me.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommyyyy!!!"

Sounded urgent. So I replied and opened the toilet door slightly. "Mommy dekat sini. Apa dia?"

She peeked inside to look at me sitting on the toilet bowl, "I love you. I love you, Mommy!"

Okaylah, my sweetest Baby H, pagi-pagi orang nak kencing bersiap pergi kerja pun dia nak ber love love bagai. So cute, and I feel so loved.

I've done something right. I am a great mother!

Tonight, I recall 3 great advices I received when I was working.

1. This was about 10 years ago. I was a fresh graduate and naive. I was about doing something at work. To get my client prepared, I usually said something like this- Okay, Mr A, ready, one, two, three.

One day, my client told me, "Miss Ectopy, Miss Ectopy patutnya cakap- Bismilllahirahmanirrahim, bukannya 1, 2, 3.

I think since that day, I've tried to remember that. Start with Bismillah. Besar pahala dia.

2. I attended a course, not work related, but about wasiat, hibah, etc. It was good, because it is about something I am not very familiar with.

At the end of it, it was time for Q&A.

The question from the floor went like this-
Saya ada enam orang adik-beradik.
Kakak saya tidak berkahwin dan tidak mempunyai anak.
Sebelum dia meninggal akibat sakit kanser, beliau telah menyerahkan semua harta beliau kepada saya, dan menyuruh saya menggunakan harta tersebut untuk tujuan amal kebajikan seperti menderma.
Patutkah saya beritahu adik-beradik lain pasal hal ini, dan adakah patut saya memberi sikit harta itu kepada adik-beradik saya?

One of the speakers said-
Ya, berilah sikit kepada adik-beradik. Sebab, kalau beri pada adik-beradik pun dikira jariah. In fact, sebaik-baik sedeqah adalah kepada keluarga.

So wise.

3. A client told me he had knee pain. I said to him, "Sakit sangat ke pakcik? Biasalah orang tua, sakit-sakit. Pakcik pun dah tua, dah tak buat kerja berat."

"Tak adalah sakit sangat. Memang tak buat kerja berat. Tapi tak boleh solat dengan sempurna. Kita dah tua-tua, kalau boleh, solat tu biar sempurna. Jadi, beringatlah, masa sihat tu, kena solat yang sempurna. Nanti jadi macam pakcik."

Value your health, people.

My husband commented- Bontot you makin besar.

I didn't know whether it was a compliment (because he's a booty kinda guy) or he was saying that I am gaining weight.

I knew the answer tonight when he said- I nampak kaki you besar. You should go jogging.

-___-

A few things worrying me tonight

- Obviously, the COVID-19.
- And the fact that my risk of exposure is rather high.
- And if I contract the virus, I don't want to spread it to my family.
- With this disease, you can be well one day, then die in the next few days. I am completely not prepared for death.
- I don't want anybody to die without their loved ones by their death beds or their bodies being handled by their families; without families touched and kissed them for one last goodbye.

- Famous people should be responsible of their actions.
- Like, I don't care if you are confident that you have taken all the precautions to avoid being infected while you are on holiday overseas, the least you could do is not post photos about you ignoring all of our advice to postpone your overeas trip.
- Why? Because I am sure most of your audience are these young girls, who got influenced so easily, sometimes, they don't even read the captions.
- Social resoonsibility is not even trying to suggest that vacations outside Malaysia is possible.
- There's a reason why you are called an influencer. So, please be socially resposible.

- What do I cook tomorrow?
- I don't have chillies.
- I have many vegetables left.
- I want to cook only 1 main dish.
- My kitchen is a mess.
- Some of the stuff I ordered only are not being posted yet.
- Should I fast tomorrow?

- The economy is so bad, I can feel there will be a recession after all this.
- I hope our family will survive.
- I should not be buying any designer bag this year.
- I should do my tax filing by next week.
- Not a good time for vacations overseas if we indeed go into recession :'(

- Kids will have online classes. How will I manage when I have to work and do house chores?
- My husband will be staying at home but I doubt he will help the kids with their work.

- When can I see Mother?

A quick one today...

My husband made me blush because he said I am pretty. Hihihi...

You know, I've been married for almost 9 years now, and I don't hear direct compliments from my husband anymore. Do I mind? It's not something I think about until today...

He called me while at work, because his business partner wants to find a girlfriend for his son. So, he called me, and said, "You ada kenal tak siapa- siapa yang single? Anak dia 28 tahun, baru habis buat TESL. You carikan eh? Nak yang comel-comel macam you..."

You guysssss...
My husband still thinks I am comel *blush*
And he said this in front of his partner...
Can't believe something so trivial like this can make so happy!

Hahaha...In case you didn't know, I never consider myself pretty. Maybe, okay looking. A little bit over average? *self love* But I am aware where do I stand in the hierachy. Never on top. I am quite presentable IF I want to. Otherwise, I can be very bibik looking. Comot. Plain Jane. I go to work bare faced, so, can you imagine?

But...I know I have good fashion sense. When I was in University, my friends would come to me for advice. I often guide them to pose with their best angles for better photos. I remember I was not rich, my clothes were cheap, but I somehow was always in trend.

That was more than 10 years ago.

Last week, I was talking to my friends and one them said, "I tak pandai dress up macam you."

Wahahaha! I immediately chuckled, "Wait, what? Ada orang cakap I pandai dress up? Hahaha."

I thought I've lost my fashion sense. Seriously. All I wear to work now is baju kurung. I'm so glad someone still notice my love of fashion, although, I rarely wear trendy now. I still enjoy watching fashion Youtube channels though. Watch je lah...Nak melebih- lebih pun, nak pakai pergi mana? Kan dah pakai tudung sekarang ni...

Am I superficial because I am happy when somebody compliments me on my looks? Or am I happy just because I rarely get this type of compliments, and when I do...Let me enjoy my moment lah...Let me enjoy feeling a little bit pretty. Hihihihi...

Guys, I would like to remind you, ladies love it when you guys say we are pretty. Please say it often!

I am happy and extremely grateful that my life is becoming more and more stable, less unpredictable. Although, it is boring, but I like that I can provide some sort of routine to my children. I read that kids like routine.

True. Because I remember, when I was little, my routine was going to school, then sekolah agama/ mengaji, a visit to the playground, watched TV before I went to bed. I remember how Mother always prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner and I never really did skip a meal but I was tiny.
Anyway, I didn't feel the burden even though Mother said my life was busy.

Kids are resilient. They cope.

So, for now, the only routine I've managed so far is making them eat dinner by themselves with minimal help from me, quick shower, brush their teeth and go to bed by 9.30pm. Recite some ayat hafazan before bed (I doubt this helps, but at least I am trying)

And I already feel accomplished. Haha!

I still give them screen time, guilty.
After this, I am trying to include mengaji, piano practice and a little bit of Maths.

I wish I could include outdoor activities in the routine but we now live in an apartment and there's no park within walking distance. The apartment playground is a pity.

I am tired, maybe because I am old, but I feel like I am settling down. It's so sad that I've lost so much time already. My eldest is 7 and will only be around for another 10 years, or less if he ends up in a boarding.

Oh, my God, this is not the ending I am expecting. I am gonna be alone... :(

1. Last week, I watched this Malay drama, and the dialogue went something like this

Girl A: Eh, apesal kau muntah-muntah ni? Kau tipu aku eh? Kau kata kau tak minum. Tapi ni muntah-muntah ni...

Girl B: Aku tak minum lah...Kan aku cakap, aku tak minum.

Girl A: Habis tu, kalau kau tak minum, kenapa kau macam ni? Entah- entah...Kau pregnant! Bila kau period?

2. I was quite shocked. And I am glad that my kids didn't really listen to what was said.

First of all, since when drinking alcohol has become a norm in our community? Because it was casually mentioned on TV, so I guess, it is more common than I expected?

And I remember in those days, we usually associate those who drink with the antagonists, the bad guys...(Not talking about P. Ramlee those days here)

3. Okay, so I am not that naive, I am fully aware of people drinking and sleeping around, but to popularize the behaviour on TV? Especially during these days, when we can see more school kids wearing tudung to school.
When I was small, I could count with one hand who went to school in tudung.

4. While I was giving the show critiques, I too, had an internal debate within myself.

Me vs my defence.

: Eleh, tak payah nak hipokrit, memang ramai macam tu sekarang. You pun bukan baik sangat dulu.

Defence: Okay, tapi takde lah sampai buat benda haram. Minum minum and sleeping around. And if some of us did, we did them in discrete.

: So, whatever you did before is not haram?
Not wearing tudung is not haram?
Go clubbing is not haram?
Going over the boys' house is not haram?
Inviting boys to your place is not haram?
Having a boyfriend and going on dates is not haram?
Holding hands is not haram?
Sleeping together is not haram?

Defence: We all slept in one room because we were students and it was expensive. We were only friends.

: Still...

Defence: Plus, we were overseas. We would never stay in one room if we were in Malaysia.

: Sebab takut kena raid...What if your kids did the same thing?

Defence: I would be concerned, but if they don't go overboard like I did back then, I guess it should be okay...

: (Questions own parenting skills) Hhmm...But you are judging other people...In the end, you sama je dengan orang lain. Let's face the reality.

5. I have a colleague who is known to be a player. He'll try to hit on any women, I tell ya!

So, one day, we saw him in a bazaar Ramadhan with this newbie, whom we thought was oblivious of his true colours.

My friend, S, was overly concerned and felt the need to warn this newbie.

I said, just stay out of it, because they might just go out because, you know, buka puasa, biasalah bawa your juniors explore sikit...

"Maybe, that girl dah ada boyfriend kot...Or tunang, mana tau!" Said I.

"Ectopy, kalau you dah ade boyfriend ke, tunang ke, you keluar ke dengan lelaki lain?" My friend asked.

That was the moment I realized, that my friend S was a goody two shoes.

If only she knew what my actual answers would be:
Yes, S, I would still go out with other men, especially if I consider that guy is nothing more than a boss/ colleague/ friend. Going to a Bazaar Ramadhan is not dating. I go out with my co-workers all the time.

Don't you guys do this too?

Adakah cerita ini berkaitan?
Ya, berkaitan.

Kenapa I ni bukannya baik sangat, tapi i tak dapat terima drama-drama yang openly cakap pasal minum minum ni semua?

Am I that sensitive Malay?

One of the things that I'm grateful of in my life is- I am married to a wonderful man.

He is not perfect, of course, but since the mood is here now, so I will write about all the nice things he had done for us, which obviously outweighed the numbers of times he had annoyed me.

I rarely talked about how nice he is, just because I want to avoid riak, but since I am anonymous, so why not. Haha...Does this count?
Anyway, pelik betul I ni, such a loser nak riak on behalf of suami pulak. Like, what the hell, my husband can leave me anytime! But, I guess, it's the same concept as being proud of your children, kot...

Okay, back to the main topic, the things my husband recently did that deserve the Sweetest, Most Amazing and Wonderful Husband award:

1) He's a good father who plays often with my kids.

I wonder if my dad was like that to me. I guess he was, but slowly becoming more strict as we get older. I still have hazy memories of me carrying me and him bringing me and my sister out, just the three of us.

I hope my husband continue to be loving to us and my kids will always remember how my husband treats them bagai menatang minyak yang penuh.

One of the reasons why my husband is so extra is because he is an adopted child and he always feel unloved by his biological parents. And I hope my son remembers when my husband told him, "Bila daddy dah tua nanti, Abang K pula bawa daddy naik kereta pergi masjid, okay..."

Oh, my heart was so full when he said that.

And tonight, I saw him getting out of bed, just to kiss my daughter in her sleep and admire her.
What a sweet sight... =)

Oh, and I think I had mentioned before, how he always bathed/ washed the kids and changed their diapers when he had the chance (because we were in a long distance relationship). So, whenever my husband was around, I got to do nothing. Hehehe.
In fact, he still does this.

2) Nowadays, my husband sends me to work and fetches me home. I live nearby, it's possible to walk.

Every day, when he fetches me from work, he would be rushing to catch the Jemaah prayer at the mosque. And it makes me feel bad like I'm the reason he has to drive so recklessly. He will be in a bad mood if he's late to the solat berjemaah.

So, last week, with good intentions, I told him that he didn't need to fetch me, I would walk home, besides it will be good for my fitness level.

But I guess he thought I merajuk and he didn't allow me to walk. Aiyo.
But it was sweet nonetheless.

3) His birthday is coming up and he arranged something for his celebration!
Am I a bad wife or what...Sigh...

He asked me to choose the menu. I was quite excited because the menu sounds delicious. So I asked, which restaurant is this?

And he said, "Surprise lah." What is this! It's his birthday, but he wants to surprise me instead?

Then he told me how exclusive the restaurant is, because the chef only takes orders by appointments, no walk-ins.

Wow, I am already impressed. Never been to such settings before. I always wanted to go the ones in KL, but I have nobody to go with me.

So, now, I am excited to go to this restaurant and I hope it will meet my expectations!

----

Okay, so that's three recent amazing acts by my husband. Again, I would like to remind you guys, he is not perfect.

Whenever I see him being so kind, I still remember this is why I chose him.

Kindness is important. It will always be my number 1 in my book. Kindness over intelligence and wealth. Over everything.

Daughter is going to be 4 this year and she loves her stroller. Like, she loves her stroller like it is one of her dolls/ toys, have you ever seen a kid loving her stroller like that?
She talks to her stroller.

One time, the car was too full, so we had to put the stroller on the passenger seat next to her, and she got really excited. She kissed her stroller like, three times. She sat and hugged her stoller every now and then during the journey.

So weird.

Sometimes, when we leave the house without the stroller, she would pat on the stroller, saying goodbye to it. Kisses again. When asked, she would confess her love for it, "Sayangggg stroller!"

She's also quite protective of it. Like, her brother cannot do anything funny with it, or she'll get mad. When they were little, she didn't even allow my son to sit in it. No sharing. (My son had his own stroller that we used so much too)

She's so big now, but she still requests to sit in her stroller when we go to the malls. And she naps in it really well, for hours...Sometimes if I see her too tired, I just leave her sleeping in the stroller inside of our house.

Yeah, so that's the story of my daughter and her stroller. I don't use baby carriers, I am the the stroller momma.
Probably one of the best investments ever! We use it so much...

Son will be 7 this year, daughter will be 4.

They are so different.

Child A
- likes pizza, meatballs
- more athletic. Able to balance on his 2-wheel bike at 2 years old, able to ice skate after onky second visit
- merajuk style: scream loudly, cry, throw tantrum
- pujuk style: let cool down by ownself, then you can talk
- still likes poo talk, butt talk etc
- asks for sweater after having ice water in shopping malls
- prefers berries and sour candies
- likes screentime. Wouldn't mind not buying if there's nothing to like
- sensituve skin. Hated brushing teeth. Was such a trouble beforeeee
- garang
- sensitive when watching movies/ dramas. Semalam tengok cerita Sir Alvin dekat TV3 pun boleh nangis

Child B
- asks for nasi for every single meal!
- still scared to learn riding the bike and just stood frozen on the ice
- merajuk style: isolate self and refuse eye contact and talking
- pujuk style: lots of compliments and hugs
- mature for age
- complains about the heat, only covers self when outside of the house. Otherwise, wearing underwears only
- sweettooth. Prefers chocolate flavour
- likes shopping. Asks for expensive toys
- likes showering and brushing teeth
- pleasant
- still doesn't understand storylines

----

Kids say the darnest things

My son was watching Boboiboy.
Fighting scene, dialogue: Kau ajar dia!!!
Laughed unexpectantly.
Me: Kenapa ketawa?
Son: Orang tengah lawan, nak suruh ajar pulak! *Laughs*
Me: Oh, 'ajar dia' tu maksudnye, kena fight dengan enemy!
Then me answering many questions why they are like that!
Well, 'kurang ajar' means rude, so...




Husband told kids there are ghosts on 7th floor.
Waited for lift. Lift opened. Nobody was inside. But 4th floor button was red.

Me: Oh, my God. Ada hantu ke dalam lif ni?
Son: Mana ada!
Me: Habis tu, siapa tekan 4th floor...
Son: *Hides behind me, frightened*
Daughter: Mana ada hantu! Orang yang tekanlah!

So , yeah, daughter is more realistic here.

Hello...I am in a new working place. I asked for transfer mainly because I couldn't stand my old workplace, it was too toxic for my mental health.

This new environment is waaaayyyy less busy than my previous workplace, it's almost toooo boring for me, as someone who is so used in a fast pace, highly demanding job.

But, it's okay. The benefits far outweigh the cons. We just need to settle down as a family so I can become more domisticated, ehem.

Anyway,
I have an embarassing story to tell.

I caught someone redhanded talking bad about me, behind my back- literally/ figuratively!

So, I was at my desk, so he didn't realize I was there, as I was facing the PC. Yes, it's a guy yang membawang! And this happened on my second day of working here!

It wasn't long, because I think another guy was signalling that I was in the room, and he quickly left. I could hear what he was saying, spreading rumours about meeeee...

Initially, I was embarassed, because people might believe his story. So, I scolded my husband (poor guy). But, at the end of the day, I decided- why should I be embarassed. I didn't do anything wrong. He was the one who should be embarassed and apologize to me!

And if people want to believe his story, let them be. I will prove them wrong over time. I'm not here to make friends anywayyyy...

I am already at that age when I don't care what people think about me anymore.

Initially, I was hoping not to bump into that guy ever again. But, actually, he was the one who should be avoiding me! Dia dah malu kan sebab mengumpat I? Ke memang tak tau malu?

I wish I was like this 10 years ago.

Note- teach my kids not to care so much what people think about them and be happier.

Current mood: Obsessed with Niall Horan.

Was feeling melancholic after my last post, so decided to listen to the catchy songs I used to sing. Didn't realized I knew most of One Direction songs! (I knew the songs, but didn't know the singer)

Felt like a teenager and decided to have a crush on Niall, because he's just my type. He just makes me smile, for someone way younger than me. Haha.

Explored his solo songs and discovered I enjoy his latest songs too! Been singing them without knowing the artist. It is just meant to be, he and I...

So, yeah, I'm so late to be a fan, but whatever, I love him, mmuaah!

4th day of 2020 and suddenly I'm feeling all depressed.

Depression is bad because it makes you forget about all the good things had happened and you should be grateful of.

The thing about me is- I think I can be better than I am. Like, I was once so good  at my job, it's just sad to see me ending up like this. I couldn't help but feel all those pity eyes looking at me- how could she end up like this. I had a bright future ahead of me. But other people have passed me, I'm so left behind now...

And nothing I can do about it. Because I am traumatised and I'm that person who you should not idolised, because I don't have the grit in me. I am not successful enough.

Sigh.

Anyway, on the other hand, because of all this, I have a lot more time to spend with the kids. I am always, always thankful of that. (But all other successful people also get to spend time with their kids, so I am not that special, you see. They can do it all, but not me).

Oh, well, this is my life. No complaints. It's okay. It's not that bad.

And for 2020,
I pray and wish
- to become a better Muslim
- to read more books (I've stopped reading leisurely a long, long time ago because I thought I needed to put my priorities straight. What a big mistake)
- to read Quran regularly, if possible, every day
- to understand the content of Quran. I never read the Quran translation, what a shame!
- to learn how to cook properly
- to make sure the house is complete

So, okay. That was short.

Writing is always good. It shifts your focus. Now, I am less depressed.