Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Free time.

I am quite free nowadays and I am still not used to the spare time I'm having right now. The free time makes me things of random, unnecessary things such as:

1) A month ago, I saw a TV programme about 3 men venturing the States. They were in San Francisco and found a shop called Good Vibrations. The shop also runs sex classes. The one they decided to join was a class on threesome. So, there they were, being taught on how to touch the women, how to divide their attention equally to two women, how to connect emotionally and physically etc...
And you don't need me to tell you what was their homework/ assignment for that course...

2) When I was small, Father used to have a driver for himself. The driver was never meant for us which means, he would only drive us if Father was in the car with us and except for a few times when Mother couldn't drive us while Father was working or under certain circumstances such as going to the stadium to watch a football match and nobody would drive us there because the roads were congested, Father or Mother didn't want to be stuck in the traffic.
So I was never close to any of the drivers except for this pakcik because he was employed the longest.

I was raised in a pretty modern family. My siblings and I were never taught to salam my parents when going to school or kiss their cheeks or anything like that. I must say I was pretty much a brat back then. So, during the very few times when the driver drove us to places, my sister and I would just get off the car without thanking him.

One time, Father scolded us for not saying 'Thank you' to the pakcik. I was scolded the most because I was the elder sister and I needed to show a good example to my sister. This pakcik was very nice, because he would talk to us and make us laugh, unlike the previous ones, he would also put on songs he liked and sang loudly. Until now, I still could recite one of the paragraphs of the song he used to sing:

Baju ketat, seluar belang, dan kasut tumit tinggi
Begitulah iramanya, irama enam puluhan...

Being eleven and shy, I never uttered the words 'Thank you' because I was so not used to it, even after Father scolded us. I thought Father made a huge deal out of it. He was paid to drive. Father told us, "Pakcik works for me, he is paid to drive only me. What he did for you is only a favour, therefore you should thank him!"

Now, years later, everytime I get off a bus or taxi, I make sure to thank the driver. I don't always thank the cashiers, but I make sure to thank them with at least a smile unless if they really piss me off. In those occasions, I would roll my eyes sampai juling. :)

3) We, Malaysians, take the pride of being a community penuh dengan adab sopan santun dan ramah mesra. The truth is, the culture is beginning to erode and I think the Westerners are probably more civilised in terms of adab jual beli.
First, they, the customers or the cashiers, always greet you.
The cashiers also always thank you after each transactions. How many Malaysian cashiers thank you after you receive the receipt?
And the best thing in developed countries is: the customers are indeed always right!
You could return any goods you bought without being asked, not even judged by the sellers.

And I like how they, the elderly especially, randomly greet you with 'Good morning' and I could greet them back without looking stupid.

In Malaysia, if somebody did that to me, I must have thought he was a pervert with a very lame pick-up line. I would probably pretend not to hear it and show the grumpiest expression on my face.

This give me an idea. I think I would start to greet strangers with 'Good morning'. That would certainly brighten up somebody's day.

4) I want a classic/ retro Casio watch for my birthday. I don't know why but I am so in love with this watch. I think it is because it looks different and not many people would want to wear it. Don't you think it's stylish? The best part is I could wear it to work or if I wear it with a pretty dress, it would definitely tone down the glamour.

My boyfriend already bought me a watch for my last birthday. I would only admit it here: I don't really fancy that watch he chose for me! Too predictable, it doesn't really suit my style, I am more into unpredictability (if there's such a word).

So, presenting my cheap dream watch (I want the one in gold):

Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic

It would be even greater if I could find the one which was manufactured in Malaysia/ Japan, preferably Malaysia lah. I read somewhere the quality is excellent if it was manufactured in Japan, equally good if it was manufactured in Malaysia, in the eighties/ early nineties, but since I am biased I would love to own a classic Casio watch made in Malaysia! Then I could pass it to my children turun temurun.

I think over time, my style has truly changed. I used to only aim for the latest gadgets but now, I've gone sentimental.

single and old.

The man who is more than 20 years older than me is really, not that bad. I will definitely recommend him for anyone who is looking for a decent man.

Ah, am I always this optimistic or is he really good? Hmm...

I never go out with him (because I don't want to mislead him) so I really don't know how he is like in private.

But after a year or more of knowing him, he gives me good advice and is not too persistent in dating me. I like his mature approach.

He is single, has never been married and he avoids the subject whenever I ask him for the reason. That's one of the many reasons why I am turned off by him: he should have just be honest with me if he wants a relationship with me.

I also respect him for having a good religious foundation. I know whoever he ends up with, he will take care of her. How many people do you know who listens to zikir while driving, huh? The funny thing is, he gives me subtle signs of interest by making me listen to songs that he selects. (Except recently, when he started to be forward about his feelings) When asked, "Oh, you like to listen to this kinda songs in the car?", he said he only listens to music on his computer because he prefers to listen to zikir in the car.

I don't know whether this kind of answer was intentional, as a way of saying, 'I am a religious man', or it was just an innocent slip of the tounge.

I said he is not too persistent because he never calls me in the middle of the night saying the creepiest thing. And he never directly calls me Sayang, Dear, Darling, only in SMSes. The most he would do is just an SMS once or twice a week, usually asking how am I doing. A typical SMS is like this, "How are you, dear? I hope you are doing fine. Eat properly, don't miss a prayer and take care. Miss you. *Kiss pipi* Sleep well."
Sometimes, I think he is so bapak-bapak. I tak reply la, of course, nanti boyfriend marah. I only reply if his SMS is clean ie: no kiss, no darling, no sayang.

But if he was indeed a decent man, that means I must be a decent girl too, because he wouldn't consider me if I wasn't decent for him! On the other hand, I don't think I am that decent, so, maybe, he is just an act.

He owns a company somewhere in Ampang. Yes, he is very stable. He is good with his nieces and nephews which means he likes children and we, women, like men who like children.

Anybody wants his number?

I spoke to many older (or would you prefer if I use the word 'wiser'?), single men out there and one of the frequently asked question is: Why are you still single?

This will eventually lead to: "Jodoh belum sampai" or some shit like that.

I love to provoke them with, "Perempuan kan ramai...Pilih satu. Bukan susah! You ada everything, tapi buat apa kalau you lonely."

At first, the usual reply will be, "I perlukan keserasian. Yang penting ialah hati dan perasaan!"

Yeah, right.

I know your reason. Because someone confessed this to me:

"Alang-alang dah kahwin lambat, baik I ambil yang muda, yang cantik...Sia-sia je la I tunggu lama-lama, tapi last-last I dapat yang kerani umur 30an. Buat apa! Buat kena gelak je...Kalau I nak isteri yang umur 34 tahun, baik I kahwin dengan dia masa I umur 24 tahun! Kalau I dapat yang muda muda, badan masih bergetah, bila I dah 60 tahun, I masih boleh guna dia lagi...Baru kawan-kawan I yang kahwin awal-awal tu jeles dengan I! Menyesal diorang kahwin awal!"

I see the logic behind that. Besides, it is easier for them to manipulate younger women.

So, I think, this man likes me not because of my personality or looks. He probably desires me because I am youngest girl in his phonebook. Soon, he will meet someone younger and he'll leave me alone.

["Kenapa you tak kahwin lagi? Girlfriend pun takde..."
"I rase sebab you gay. You mengaku sekarang, cepat!"]

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

20+ years

"Saya tetap sabar menanti awak," he who is more than 20 years older than me, said.


Sabarlah kau, dah nak mati dah...

I wondered did he feel humiliated when I didn't give him a response? (Mode: Malas nak layan)

I guess not, because just now, he said, "Assalamulaikum, sayang. Apa khabar?"

Told you men couldn't get the hints even though they are obvious. Bodoh. He knows I am getting married soon! Okay, I lied, but he doesn't know it was a lie!

I feel worse than Siti Nurhaliza. At least her husband is exactly 20 years older than her and he is mega rich.

Pengsanlah mak bapak aku kalau si tua ni masuk meminang. *Crossing my fingers* Si Tua ni jangan diacah-acah, nanti dia buat betul-betul.

Sunday, April 27, 2008


I watched Persepolis just now. It is about an Iranian girl surviving the war in Iran. The animated film won several awards.

I don't know whether I liked it or not.

It is an honest dark movie. It reminded me of Emily The Strange.

I guess, Muslims everywhere in the world are the same.

I want to be a true believer.

Friday, April 25, 2008


I feel guilty because

I thought my friend's fiance was too good-looking for her.
They are no longer together.

I feel like my evil thoughts had contributed to their failed relationship.

It must be difficult for her because she took one-year-off from everything she was doing that time before deciding to tell me.

I am never really jealous with friends who score good-looking guys, more like, "Oh my God, he is so hot! How do you manage to get this fine creature!" kinda thing. Come to think of it, it is quite normal to see couples we often think do not suit each other physically. It makes the world go round, doesn't it?

If good-looking women only stick to good-looking men and vice versa, our offsprings will consist of two extremes only, the gorgeous ones and the ugly ones. God is wise, He pairs us up so the world will be balanced.

When I was in my teenage years, I always wonder how ugly some people are, I don't think anybody will marry them. I was afraid nobody will marry me.
Sometimes, I looked at the older people and imagined how they must have looked like when they were younger. Most of them were not good-looking, but they ended up spending most of their lifetime with their other-halves anyway. That was how I told myself I will be alright and I need not to worry about my future. I will find somebody who adores me just the way I am.

I was being the typical teenager, I had too much time day-dreaming and thinking craps on the unnecessaries.

Like now, suddenly I am reminded of one of my bestfriends' father.
He was so good-looking (and still is), most of us drooled saliva just by looking at him. We were 14 or 15 years old and he was 40+ when we started to vote him as the most desirable father.

We fell in love with him even more because he used to drive the latest Mercedes sports car and a Porsche. So bergaya.

My friend was pretty and had a mature look, so people always mistakenly thought she was her father's mistress because her father would pick her up in a sports car.

Her father was the main reason I always dream of marrying an architect. Whenever I think of an architect, I would think of her father and automatically, I would have the finest impression on architects. No, you don't have to show his face to me, I just know architects are good-looking and will definitely be my type. Tell me, have you ever seen an ugly architect? A short architect, maybe, but never ugly! :)

It's funny because I never really had a crush on a teacher, but on my bestfriend's father instead!

Wait, I did have a crush on my ustadz when I was in standard five. I remember the day he showed me a picture of his fiance, I thought she was too ugly for him. Haha!

I just talked rubbish, didn't I?

Saturday, April 19, 2008


My baby he don't act like himself no more
he lost that smile i used to adore
he spent his nights slapping his veins
he lost that glow he used to have in his face
empty burned bottle on the carpet
my baby lying beside it
tin foil and melted sugar everywhere

he said his provider was his
pharmicist friend Ben
i swear i'm gonna kill him because
i swear i'm gonna kill him because

the poppy took my baby away from me

my baby used to repeat the news
and now he talks about dragons on the walls
he used to love german expressionism films
now he drinks until he falls

i was confused
didn't know what to do
so i called his mama
have her come on over

she got him off the ground
started slapping him around
and as she cried she said,

the poppy took my baby away from me

Pernah tengok a newborn infant shaking vigorously because he/ she was hungry for coccaine? The mother didn't even want to hold her baby.


Friday, April 18, 2008

You and your life.

I am a big fan of Youtube. So, here goes:

Question 1: Describe yourself in one word or one phrase.

My answer:
- Pleasant
- Bubbly
- Vibrant
- Altruistic
- Love doctor
- Ordinary

Pleasant: After I watched the video below, I would describe myself as pleasant or bubbly. At present, I am more pleasant than bubbly. More mature than I used to be.

Bubbly: I was definitely bubbly when I was younger, no doubt. Dengan muka tak malunya, I admit I was bubbly, I was!

But, if I were to find words that aren't used in the Youtube video below, I would describe myself as vibrant or altruistic.

Vibrant: About 5-6 years ago, a friend gave me a testimonial in Friendster. I only met her once. She described me as bubbly and vibrant. I believe her. :) She might think I've lost contact with her but the truth is, I stumbled upon her blog and became a loyal reader ever since. She doesn't know this.

Altruistic: A friend said this word to me when I was 18 or 19 or 20 years old. I fell in love instantly with this word because it is so me!

Love doctor?: Okay, okay, I'm kidding.

Ordinary: Sometimes, I do feel ordinary. Normal. Nothing too special about me.

How would you describe yourself?

Question 2: My life in 6 words.

My answer at the moment: Can't wait for the next level.
In terms of relationship, career and physically.

Now, it's your turn to describe your life in 6 words. You could read the comments on the second video. I like.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Being the love doctor

A friend, D, cannot decide with whom he'd rather be with. He is in dilemma between three girls, so he sought for my opinion.

First of all, I don't know why men would want my opinion. If you are in love with her, you don't have to take my approval into account because your love is superior than my piece of mind. You don't need to know whether I think who is prettier than who or who do I think would be a better match for you.

"Why not you get to know all of them first and see who you are most comfortable with. You know, find the chemistry," I suggested.

"But isn't that like giving false hopes? I want to decide now so I will only pursue one. I don't want to break their hearts," he said.

"Eleh. How could you break their hearts? Entah-entah, they don't even have any feelings for you in the first place! Kawan je..." lelaki ni memang kadang-kadang suka perasan.

"Err...Girl Number 1 is definitely waiting for me. I think Girl Number 2 is hoping for me as well," he said.

"It's your fault! Who told you to layan layan them sampai they think they are special huh! Sekarang, you choose whoever pun, it will still break one of their hearts," I scolded him, I felt like giving him a smack in his head.

"There's nothing going on with me and Girl Number 3 though!" he said as if that would make the situation less complicated.

"Kalau there's nothing going on between you and Girl Number 3, why are you even considering her! If you decide to go for her, you don't know whether she will like you back or not, and what if she doesn't, then you have to start all over again because you already dumped the other two," was my opinion.

"So, tell me, which one should I choose?" he asked.

"Eh, I don't even know any of them. You pikir sendiri lah...Why are you in such a rush, anyway? Let love come to you...Just go with the flow. When the right person and the right time come, you will know, tak payah pening-pening kepala macam ni," I spoke like a love doctor.

"Yes, I think so too. But, I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to play with their hearts because I don't want to feel guilty if things don't work out between us. These ladies are not getting younger. Girl Number 2 is 24, so, if something happens between us, she still has the time to find someone else to replace me. Girl Number 1 is 26, it's kinda late for her if I leave her halfway in the relationship, don't you think?" he said.

He continued to say, "I want to decide now because I don't want to be accused of making them wait for me."

Eh, boleh pulak this guy think of the possibilities of leaving his girlfriend halfway in the relationship if things don't work out. Belum a couple lagi, dah think too much, such a pessimist summore!

Wah, hebat sangat ke sampai boleh main pilih pilih perempuan macam tu?

And who says when a woman reach 26 years of age, it would be difficult for her to find her soulmate. Tua sangat ke sampai tak laku?

Anyway, my final advice to him was, "Don't over-analyse things. Kenapa you fikir jauh sangat ni? Complicated la! Suruh mak you carikan je, senang!"

"Dah suruh, my mom tanak carikan!" sempat lagi dia nak menjawab.

Monday, April 14, 2008

untuk irregularities :)

If one of my loved ones leave, I want him/ her to sing this song to me before he/ she goes:

So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone
Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong
The long December rain is falling now
Running down on streets to nowhere
Music is my life - you're my sweetest nightingale
But I can't hear it here no more
And I go...
Hush now, don't shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadows by the tracks upon your face


A couple of days ago, I chatted with a guy who still has a crush on me, let's call him Harrold.

He said he watched a video of someone who looks like me, he was shocked when he saw it, he fainted. (I don't believe he really fainted, by the way, even though for the five years I've known him, he had fainted at least 5 times. Now you tell me, how could I like back a guy who tends to faint when shocked or too sad or when he doesn't get enough sleep or nutrition. Weak!)

He knows I would never do anything like that so he punched his friend who insisted it was me.

I persistently requested him to send the video to me. It turned out to be a video of a Malay girl giving a blowjob to her boyfriend/ friend/ fiance/ husband.

I can't believe I look like her because well, I seriously thought I was way hotter than that. And you know la the typical homemade video...Perempuan berwajah kampung, lelaki berwajah rempit...


I asked Harrold whether he seriously thought I look like that girl in this video and he quickly said, "Of course, you are better-looking than her."

"Then, why did you say you fainted when you saw this video?" I asked. I am not stupid, don't tell me lies and don't sweet talk me, it won't work.

Now I am upset because I am not pretty and I look like a whore and I am afraid of people accusing me giving a blowjob to a rempit and allowing him to record 'our' intimate activity.

Bodoh lah.

Sunday, April 13, 2008


I read somewhere the father of Sufiah Yusuf made her smart by freezing her. It could work. The theory is to increase the number of brain cells, I think. Just like the way athletes train in the mountains to increase their lung capacities.

"Sebab tuh la orang putih pandai eh, duduk negara sejuk," a friend said.

I disagree because I don't think the Caucasions are smarter than us.

Fine. If they were smarter than us, I don't think it's because of the climate, it is mainly because of the food, the nutrition they consume.

That's why they used to be bigger and taller than us. We are slowly catching up. The Japanese have long matched up the heights. Tengoklah lelaki Jepun, tinggi, handsome, gagah perkasa, gigi pun cantik tersusun rapi, aku cair.........

"Tapi diorang memang pandailah...Tengoklah cara diorang belajar, suka membaca, cara diorang bercakap, cara diorang buat presentation..."

If they look and act smart, that doesn't necessarily mean they are actually smart. It all depends on how we were brought up. In Malaysia, we are so used to be spoon-fed with knowledge (I am ashamed to admit it is still my favourite way of learning), we don't have the confidence to speak up. However, I think we are fast-learners. We just need to learn how to be confident so to look, act and be smart altogether.

Anyway, I always have a strong believe that everybody has the same amount of rezeki, just in different forms. And the story of Sufiah has further strenghten my believe. She is smart, but she isn't happy.

This believe will protect me from feeling envious towards other people whom I think have everything.

It will protect me from feeling too sad for skinny, ill Africans.

It will protect me from looking down at other people whom I think worth less than me.

It will protect me from thinking I am not good enough.

It will protect me from being angry at God for making my life difficult.

Friday, April 11, 2008

A hateful statement.

Sometimes, I hate what I do because it takes too much time and energy out of me. I am mostly at my work place for about 10 hours this whole week and I won't even be getting a day off for two weeks straight. Yes, even on Sundays! Next week, I need to be there on the night shift from 11pm to 8am, probably until 10am. Plus, I need to bring work home with me too!

I don't eat and sleep properly too, so, let's hope I won't be getting any severe migraines to survive the coming weeks.

Right now, I am so full of hate.

Because right now, I hate men. Everytime we give a chance to men, men somehow manage to prove the fact that they love to give empty promises.

Heartless creatures.

My friend is devastated after finding out her boyfriend, now, ex-boyfriend, is already engaged with someone else two weeks ago, by accident. Within that two weeks, this guy still saw my friend regularly, never mentioned about his engagement and still gave my friend false hope about how he was going to marry her one day.

And all this while, there we were, thinking how sweet her boyfriend was. We even told our boyfriends to be more like him.

One year of lies.

Maybe, this is a just phase. I remember how depress I was when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. I was almost blinded by tears. I thought I would never heal because the pain was too much.

I think of myself as a realist. Before the experience, I always wondered, why do people say their hearts ache? Or why when expressing our emotions, we would rest our hands on the chest? I thought emotions are really, all generated by the brain. The heart only does the pumping of blood, supplying oxygen to the rest of the body. But why do we still relate emotions with the heart?

So, during my major depression, I felt a strange sensation of hurt. I literally felt pain on my chest that I kept rubbing my chest for comfort. Within all the sadness, I asked myself, "Why does it hurt so much? Why? I shouldn't be hurt. I am physically okay but why does it hurt, on my chest?"

Then, it hit me. It is true, my heart was broken, because I could feel it there.

I felt weak. I hated the feelings, I wanted to cut open my chest and threw the pain away. I needed something to numb my pain, up to a point I wish I was allowed to drink alcoholic beverages.

I cried day and night thinking, 'Why me, am I not good enough?' I tried to distract myself by doing the usual things, but it didn't work. I cried while watching the TV, I cried while eating ice creams (which by the way, tasted a bit salty because of my tear drops), I even cried while performing my prayers despite telling myself- Batal sembahyang kalau menangis. I held back my tears hard and when finished (solat), I broke down again.

I felt really lonely because I am good at masking my emotions. Whenever with friends, I'd act as if I was not that affected by the whole situation. My ego insisted, "I never really loved him anyway!" but my concious wondered why did it hurt. I refused to be perceived as weak or let myself to be defeated, that's why I put on a strong, brave face to the world, but behind close doors, I was fragile and broken.

From sadness led to anger. The concious crept into me slowly: I am beautiful, smart and I am a nice person. Therefore, I deserve someone so much better. I am glad I know his true colours now, my life will be over if I actually married this sly and found out about him then.

I told my boyfriend about what had happened to my poor friend. I got so emotional and started to accuse him of neglecting me. I said he was showing signs of uselessness, so, before he cheated on me, it was better for me to get rid of him first.

I hate men.

And no, we did not break up, but almost. :)

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The egg.

Image credits:

The friend occasionally gets panic attack and sometimes when she becomes really nervous, she freezes. Or, the friend would simply leave without excusing herself.
One day, she decided to ask the friend, "I hope you don't mind with me asking, but what happened to you? Do you have a problem? Why do you skip work, why are you not paying attention like you used to, why do you get panic attacks over the slightest thing?"

She took a deep breath and waited a few minutes before constructing her sentence.

"Remember last year, you told me about your friend who was having an abortion?" the friend ask.

She nodded. Of course she remembers. It was last year that she helped another girl to abort her bastard child.
The friend continued, "Well...I went through the same thing."

The friend is going to hit 30 soon and her biological clock is ticking. She wanted to keep the child she was carrying but her boyfriend was not ready yet. She admitted it was traumatising for her. It affects her life completely and she doesn't know when she will recover from it.

"Nobody knows about this. Please don't tell anyone," the friend pleaded.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Girl power.

Below are some of the things I did to avoid boys/ men.

- When I was about 14, I went out with this boy from another school. I brought my friends with me but they went to catch a movie to give us the privacy. We didn't have mobile phones back then, so, we just set a time, like, "We'll meet here at half four," or something like that. So, off my friends went and things between this boy and I became so awkward, I needed to get rid of him.

After a while, I pretended to see my friends and started to wave. (Hahahaha, this is so embarassing, why am I telling you this!)

Smiling, I said very politely, "Oh, my friends are already waiting. So, nice to meet you, I guess, I need to go now..."

He turned his head to look into the direction I was waving at and he said he didn't see any of my friends there. Desperate to leave, I lied, "I saw them, behind the wall! I think they are shy with you....So, yeah, need to go, bye!"

I thought I was a pretty good actress. I knew my friends were still in the cinema, so I window-shopped for a while. At half four, I was relieved and glad when I saw my friends. It was a bad date for me.

My friends came up to me, "Oh my God, Ectopy, where have you been? We have been searching for you! We saw G just now and he said you already left. We told him you are not with us and he is now searching for you! What happened to you?"

Shit. Shit shit shit. I quickly told my friends about my desperate escape that I had to make up stories. My friend suggested to pretend I already met my friends but we got separated because some of us wanted to buy clothes and others wanted to buy food.

Then, I saw G, my date, was watching us from the top floor. I gave him a quick wave. It was sweet of him actually, to make sure I was safe and found. I thought he already left when I said goodbye.

I never contact him back.

- There were a bunch of schoolboys who verbally harassed me. I ignored them at first but they kept harassing. Some of the men in the shop heard them too but they did nothing to rescue me, so I raised my voice and acted all dramatic, "Oh my God, you guys are completely harassing me right now!" before I could say, "Do you want me to call the police?" they already left the shop.

I think, they didn't expect me to speak up.

- My friends and I watched a movie and I was seated besides this man. In the middle of the movie, he introduced himself to me and being the mischievous teenager that I was, I told him my name was Sarah. My real name is not Sarah. I passed on the message to my friends, "Okay, guys, my name is not Ectopy, my name is Sarah, call me Sarah."

This guy, lets call him Aaron (not his real name, but I still can't believe I could still remember his actual name), is a Chinese guy, way too old for a teenage girl.

After the movie, he kept following us around. My friends kept telling me to get rid of him, but I didn't know what to do. If he was normal enough, he could tell from our obvious body languages and facial expressions that he was unwelcomed.

A few times, my friends forgot about my pretend name, they called me by my actual name, and I would give them the 'look'. I told him, my full name was Sarahectopy, that's why my friends called me Ectopy sometimes.

My friend, the only one who had a mobile phone that time, received a call and pretended the caller was her mother. "Yes, mom, we'll meet you there!" Then, she turned to me and said, "Ectopy, my mother is picking us up now. So, Aaron, we got to go now, bye!" but Aaron wouldn't let us leave him without exchanging contact number. Naturally, we lied to him again!

The person who was calling my friend was actually not her mother, the caller was our friend. Throughout the conversation, "Yes, mom, we'll meet you there!", my friend shouted at the end of the line, "You crazy, are you mad? Why are you talking like this? Hey!"

Hahahaha...Poor Aaron...He was such a lonely sailor...(According to him, he was a sailor)

- One guy was totally in love with me but the feelings never reciprocates. I did give him a chance. No matter what I did to him, I shouted at him, I scolded him, I cursed him, I looked down on him, I was being ridiculously annoying but he still adored me. I was perfect in his eyes.

I think, when men fall in love, they fall hard, no? I know I am just an average looking lady, I have no idea why this guy liked me so much.

I love cartoons and animation movies. One time, he took me out for a movie, Monster House.

I can't remember why we were running late, but when we arrived at the cinema, the movie was already starting. I got so mad at him, I cried. Yes, I repeat, I cried. I blamed him for missing the first five minutes of the movie.

And when we left the cinema, I was still mad at him because I didn't enjoy the movie, it was a stupid cartoon movie. I blamed him for that too!

Imagine, me, scolding him like this, "You knew I really wanted to watch this movie but you made me missed the first five minutes! I hate you! I hate you! Now, I have to watch it all over again, but I can't, because you know I don't like to do things twice! And that movie is stupid anyway! I hate you! Why did you have to choose this movie! Go away, I hate you!" All that while I was crying.

I admit it was unreasonable of me, but I purposely acted that annoying for him to hate me!

And for your info, I am not that dramatic, I am a very reasonable person but I was that desperate to get rid of him.

It did not work. I respect the love he had for me though.

- The relationship with my then boyfriend was getting nowhere. I just lost interest in him. I am never good at dumping people, that's why I'd rather guys to dump me instead. To achieve that, I have to get them hate me.

So, I started to act really grumpy over the slightest thing. I started to accuse my then boyfriend of many things and I told him not to contact me when I am busy with my friends. And when he followed my instructions, I got mad at him because he was ignoring me.

Many times, I pretended to send SMSes meant for my friends to him by mistake. Like, "I really hate my boyfriend right now, I wish things are over between us. Tell me what should I do."

Now, come to think of it, it was actually a mean way to tell your boyfriend that you are not into him anymore.

But, my boyfriend was a sweet person. He would then ask me what went wrong, what did he do to upset me and he apologized making me feel un-loved.

My plans always backfire on me.

We broke up eventually.

- When I was about 21, a white man approached me and asked for my number. I don't know why did I agree to give him my number, I usually don't. I regretted it and hoped he would never call but he did. One of the funniest SMSes I had ever received, "Hi, I am the constable that you met just now." Constable?!

I asked him his age. Way too old for a 21-year-old. "Do you want to have a drink or something?" he asked.

I told him I don't drink. "Okay. Lets meet for coffees instead, lets say, on Monday?" he asked again.

"I couldn't make it on Monday. How about some time later in the week? I am sorry," I said.

Good man, he got the message and never asks me out again!

I wish all men are easy to handle.

- I went out with a romantic Frenchman. Yes, they are romantic. "Close your eyes," he said. "Why?" I asked. Naive. "Just close your eyes and I'll show you," he said.

I seriously thought he wanted to do magic tricks on me. I am a girl who likes cartoons and magic tricks! So, I closed my eyes, and he gave me a quick kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes, surprised, and there he was, right in front of my face, smiling.

Now, I thought being romantic is the normal French culture, I didn't know he was trying to woo me.

In the end, he dropped the bomb, "I want to have sex with you. No, no. I said it all wrong. I want to make love with you." As if I was gonna fall for that!

"I am flattered but no." I don't know why was I so polite. I guess, I was afraid to offend him. I don't want to be raped!

"Why not?"

"We just met. I am not attracted to you. I have no intention to have sex with you. And I am still a virgin!" I truthfully told him.

He seemed to respect me but he soon began to touch me all over. I didn't like it, so I told him to stop. He said he'd try but I couldn't stand him anymore, so I pushed him and headed to the door.

He ran after me but I said I just want to go home. He then properly sent me home.

(A bit drama-like, because I ran then he ran after me. Hahahaha)

If I was a guy, I would say this Frenchman is stupid. I mean, if you wanna fuck an Asian chick, pilihlah yang cantik-cantik sikit...

Orang putih ni memang tak pandai nak menilai kecantikan orang Asia. Do you agree? Yang buruk pun mereka cakap exotic. Ye la tu...!

All in all, I was not that bad, eh? I never slapped, I never threw water, I never kick their balls, I never spread nasty rumours about them and I never ruined anyone's relationship just to get my revenge.