Saturday, May 29, 2010

berlawan = bahaya

I feel extremely guilty. Because lately I have been keeping secrets from my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is not very happy because I spend so much time with a male friend.

I see nothing wrong with it. I know he is not interested in me, and he knows I am so in love with my boyfriend, so I figure the relationship is harmless.

Since my friend and I live in the same neighbourhood, isn't it logically convenient (financially and socially) to go everywhere together?

Because of my boyfriend's disapproval, I, sometimes, had to lie that there's someone else in the car/ restaurant (insert- wherever we may be at that time).

I strongly believe in karma. Currently, I am so scared that sooner or later, my boyfriend may be keeping secrets from me too!

But I don't want to lose my friend and I want my boyfriend to lose his insecurities. Doesn't he know that good friends are hard to find, they don't come along very often and especially the ones who are as crazy as you!

And most of the time, it is not our faults. We would be planning an outing with a whole bunch of friends, but somehow, one by one would decide to ditch us, something came up la, last minute emergency la, bangun lambat la, so in the end, the two of us again.

Bf: You tak boleh rapat sangat dengan dia. Orang tua-tua dah kata, lelaki dengan perempuan tu berlawan!
Me: Tapi mana ada I gaduh-gaduh dengan dia!
Bf: You faham tak maksud 'berlawan' tu? Maksudnya, bahaya, tau tak? Lelaki bila dah bersama dengan perempuan tu bahaya!

Haha. Berlawan = bergaduh. Mana I tahu!


I don't know why, but I get overly sensitive when somebody say things like this to me:

"Don't just stand there looking pretty and doing nothing," or something parallel along that line.

Although, sometimes, I like to pretend that I am bimbo, or I like people to underestimate my capabilities, but when they find a connection between how I look with my intellectuality; I get very, Very, VERY offended.

First, because it is sooo untrue.

I grew up believing I was not pretty. Boys did not fancy me. I work my best to get to the where I am now. Physically, I was lacking, so, when these people imply that I am simply selling my face while I work, I wish I could say- Fuck off.

So far, two of my FEMALE bosses had said the exact same thing to me in two different occasions, which I feel like waving my middle finger in their faces.

How dare you. How dare!

You can comment on my looks, you can comment on the way I dress, you can comment on my intellectuality, you can comment on my work ethics, but NEVER ever mention them together in one sentence.

I am not stupid. I just don't want to show off, you idiot.
Because the more you know, the more humble you should be, you idiot.

And so, I was left a little bit more confused than usual.

Because I have got people, staffs to be precise, on numerous numbers of times, coming up to me, to tell me that I should change my appearance for the greater good.
They say things like, "Kalaulah saya boleh make-over Cik Ectopy..." or "Cik Ectopy patut masuk rancangan bla bla bla (some local makeover TV programmes that I have never heard of), mesti cantik..." or "Cuba kalau Ectopy pakai macam ni, buat rambut macam tu, lepas tu letak celak sikit..."

I got to think it over and I have come to a simple conclusion:

Grumpy, old, women will always be forever jealous to the younger generation, no matter how ugly they are.


Me: You rasa I cantik tak?
Bf: Mestilah cantik...
Me: Habis tu, kenapa orang selalu komen pasal rupa I?
Bf: Diorang tu tak tahu menilai kecantikan...
Me: Kenapa takde lelaki suka dekat I?
Bf: Sebab diorang tahu you dah ada I.
Me: Tapi I suke je dekat lelaki walaupun diorang dah ada girlfriend/ tunang/ isteri.
Bf: Tu sebab you gatal.
Me: (Laughs)
Bf: Ada lelaki minat you, tapi diorang minat senyap-senyap...
Me: Yeke?
Bf: I tahulah, sebab you cantik.

My boyfriend always makes me happy at the end of the day.
Just because he says things that I want to hear!


Sunday, May 9, 2010

I had a bad day at work, around two weeks ago.
With me getting sick, physically, I mean, causing a little drama in the lobby with the people present at that time are mostly the people I know.


Sometimes, I take more than one bag to work. But my friends were so sweet, they actually accompanied me to the eight floor, brought my bags on their shoulders (despite of them being guys) and made me safe and sound.

After we parted, one of them actually had the courtesy to message me and asked how I was doing.

I needed that. Someone who cares about me.

I spent the whole day crying and not crying and crying again. I needed my boyfriend but I didn't feel like talking, so I didn't tell my boyfriend what had happened. I only told him briefly and he thought I was fine.

I wasn't fine. I was very irritable at that time. I was sensitive, that any wrongdoing that was inflicted onto me, I took it to the heart and I felt horrible.

I was extremely scared and fragile. I was losing myself.

I had to work late that night. I thought couldn't, but I must. Two of my friends came looking for me, but I was having shower at work. Then, there they were, asking me how my day was and they suggested for pizza.

As I couldn't leave, they brought pizza for me. :)

I always consider myself lucky because I always have these wonderful friends.

Remember when I said, I only have colleagues, not friends at work?

I was wrong. I've made some really good friends.

The other day, I was at work when a friend decided to check me out at work.

My boss asked, "What is Raymond doing here?"

I thought my boss meant another Raymond, his Raymond.

I looked around, I didn't see anybody, so I continued with my work.

A few days later, my Raymond confessed that he came looking for me but he saw me busy doing work so he left without me even noticing.

Now, tell me, is that sweet or what!

The only explanation that I have for my fortune is: This is what God return to me in favour of me being so patient with my clients and staffs. My clients and staffs might be rude to me, but hey, at least I have the greatest friends on earth.

So, good deeds do make fruitful profits afterall...

The thing is, most of my good friends are guys. Not that I am very picky or tomboyish, it's just that, most of my girl friends are married and the activities that I can do with them are limited.

The sad thing is, I really want some girl friends so they can sleep over at my house the night before I get married.

It must be weird if I were to have my guy friends filling up my living room before I get married. (Imagine the situation). Haha! Lawaklah pulak...

I desperately need my boyfriend.
Me: Sekarang ni, bapa I cakap, kena kahwin tahun depan.
Bf: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab bapa I nak pergi Mekah dulu. (Laughs) Semangat gila bapa I, nak pergi Mekah minta petunjuk...
Bf: Apalah bapa you ni...Kalau nak jodoh nak buat macam mana...Betul tak?
Me: Habislah you...Kalau bapa I mimpi nampak laki lain depan Kaabah macam mana?
Bf: Takkan punya...
Me: Mana you tahu...
Bf: You ni, cakap macam tak sayang I!

:) I sayang you lah...