Monday, January 30, 2012

My husband told me about the story of a woman whose total asset is worth 300million. I forgot to ask 300million in which currency, though. RM or USD? Whatever currency it is, it is a lot of money.

Unfortunately, she passed away at the age of 50 plus due to cancer.

She has no children and all her relatives refuse the assets, saying that they have received enough when she was still alive. Bless them.

Now, if there is noone to claim what is left, all of the money will go to Baitul Mal.

Before she passed away, she returned to Malaysia more frequently than usual. After further investigations, she had actually built about four mosques.

Me: Apa perasaan jadi orang kaya, Abang? What would you do with the money?
Husband: I'd be like her. I akan buat masjid, derma banyak-banyak dekat orang...
Me: Boringlah you ni!
Husband: Apa pasal pulak?
Me: Kalau I, I nak swimming dalam duit tu. Sambil jerit, "Aku kaya!" Lepas tu, I nak beli macam-macam! (Laughs)

But seriously, what would you do with that amount of money?

I would buy/ build my dream house, that's for sure. Then, I'd buy a nice car. That's about it.

Last night, before I fell asleep, I wonder whether she was happy. She worked abroad, her husband passed away earlier, she had no children, but she had the money. Do I really want to be in her shoes, just to taste how it is like to have 300 millions?


I usually sing in the car. Surprisingly, I know most song chorus well, that I can sing along to. My niece still beats me in memorizing the lyrics though. I pun tak tahu macam mana budak tu boleh ingat.

If I wasn't singing, I'd talk in the car. Talk, talk, talk.

If I wasn't singing or talking, I'd be sleeping or on a strike mode. Haha.

Usually, this is how it goes:

Me: Abang, ceritalah! Asyik I je yang cerita!
Husband: Nak cerita apa?
Me: Ceritalah apa-apa! You ni boringlah. I dah cerita macam-macam dah dekat you. Penat dah I. You lah pulak cerita!
Husband: Okay...Hari tu...Bla bla bla (boring stuff, no gossip at all)
Me: Boringlah cerita you! Dahlah, tak payah cerita lagi! (Merajuk)

5minutes later...I start to sing just to entertain myself.

Anyway, last week, we were in the car. I had no story, my husband lagilah confirm memang tak ada story...Entah macam mana, I teringat-ingat the time I used to travel with my friends.

I did a lot of travelling back then. Since being anywhere, with your favourite people, is the best thing in life, we did have super much fun! Whetever mishaps we encountered (eg: stranded at the airport because there was a bad storm), we'd turn it into something memorable.

Usually, we would play a lot of riddles and tell jokes.

Suddenly, I chuckled because I was reminded of an old joke.

Husband: Kenapa?
Me: Abang, Abang pernah tak dengar cerita pertandingan tetek.
Husband: Haha. I tahu...Tapi dah lupa sikit-sikit. You cerita baliklah.
Me: Okay. Cerita dia macam ni. (Siap buat mimik gaya pertandingan cerita penuh keseriusan, guna slang Bahasa Indonesia)

Dalam sebuah kampung, diadakan satu pertandingan buah dada terbesar.
Maka, ramailah perempuan-perempuan yang berbuah dada cantik berebut-rebut mempamerkan diri di atas pentas.
Setelah keputusan dibuat oleh para hakim, tibalah masa untuk mengumumkan pemenang buah dada terbesar. Lalu, si pengacara pun berkata,

"Tempat ketiga, jatuh kepada, Dara Suriati! Buah dadanya bersaiz buah honeydew!"

*Clap clap clap*

"Tempat kedua, dengan kebesaran buah dada bersaiz buah tembikai, jatuh kepada, Haritasari!"

*Huiyo, besarnya, clap clap clap!*

"Tempat pertama...Dengan bersaizkan buah oren...."

*Eh, apa ni! Keciknya tetek dia! Boo...Boo...*

"Sabar tuan-tuan...Sabar! Itu baru PUTINGNYA!!!"

Husband: (Laughs as if it was his first time hearing the joke)

Sekarang ni, bolehlah cerita macam ni, because it's just the two of us. Nanti, bila dah ada anak, takkan nak cerita macam ni lagi. Bad parenting pulak dah...Haha...


In a shopping mall.

I was hungry, we were passing McDonald's.

Me: Oooh...Laparnya...I nak makan berger-mbira!
Husband: Makan apa?
Me: Berger-mbira!
Husband: Apa?
Me: Burger lah! Itu pun tak tahu...Berger-mbira tu burger! Ber-ger-m-bi-ra!
Husband: (Laughs) Apalah bini abang ni...Macam budak-budak!
Me: You tak pernah dengar ke? It can be bergegar, bergelora...Any 'berge'...

Actually, semua benda-benda bodoh macam ni, I dapat masa I travel with my friends lah...


Q: Dalam banyak-banyak pen, pen apa masuk air keluar buih?
A: Pantene!
The above is actually from my niece. Haha.
Told this to my friends but they rejected it because, "Kena kocak-kocak dulu baru keluar buih!"

Q: Apa beza kereta baru dengan isteri baru?
A: Kereta baru, bila nampak lubang, kena mengelak. Isteri baru, bila nampak lubang, suka!

Q: Buka baju, ada bulu. Selak bulu, ada batang. Apakah dia?
A: Jagung.
Everytime I nampak batang jagung, mesti teringat teka-teki ni.

And many more! Some are even mind-boggling smart kind of riddles!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Kesian my husband. I think I can be difficult to live with.

My mood is labile. I can be shouting, crying and laughing within minutes. I am so blessed that I have a husband who is very patient and able to tolerate my nonsense.

I also can be insensitive and sometimes, too frank regarding my opinions.

Living with someone who is of a different social background than you is challenging.

Sometimes, my husband says I am spoilt.

The thing is, I expect my husband to give me what Father used to provide me with. Actually, better things than Father, because that's how I was raised to believe in. Life must be constantly improved. For me, that's success.

I have learned to mind my words and my husband has learned to not mind so much the things I don't mean to say.

I can't remember the last time we went to bed angry. I am glad that he now knows that a kiss and an apology (even though he's not wrong) are the things I really want whenever we are in an argument. Haha. Perempuan lemah. Senang betul kena pujuk.

However, I still couldn't help but to refuse from riding a Kancil or a motorcycle.

Fine, I don't mind so much the motorcycle because the helmet covers my face. But the fact that I am getting used to it, the fact that I am no longer scared of the 'kona baring', the fact I can now not hold onto my husband as a pilllion rider, it changes me. I am now a minah rempit/ bohsia. Haha.

As for the Kancil/ Viva, that's because of health issue. I am simply allergic to the car. Whenever I am in it, I'd feel nauseated. It might be the poor suspensions which cause vibrations to my brain that my body could not take. It's real. I do not make up the symptoms. So, in order to avoid me from having throbbing, painful headaches, no small cars for me, please! Not even a five-minute ride.

It's good to have somebody who is 'sekufu' as your partner.

I have to tolerate people who do not use the same plate and saucer set to serve their guests (how can you jumble everything and put them on display for your guests!), I have to give up wearing high heels to weddings (I'd end up ruining my shoes or simply terpeleot di tengah jalan), always eat the same type of food for lunch/ dinner because nobody knows how to cook/ eat proper Western/ Japanese/ Chinese food (must eat nasi pagi petang siang malam baru boleh kenyang) but I swear I'll learn to satisfy myself in this matter, etc etc.

My marriage requires a hell lot of gives and takes.

Even though, physically, my life is at a plateau or probably, worse (?) but spiritually, this is still considered a progress.

Ah, this reminds me of a conversation my husband, my friend, *Hassan, his brother, *Hassanudin and I were having. (Haha. Hassan and Hassanudin? Pandai-pandai je I ni buat nama)

We were talking about Japan and tsunami. How animals are reliable signs for a natural disaster to occur.

Husband: Sebelum tsunami jadi, banyak ikan dekat tepi pantai. Orang pun suka. "Rezeki Tuhan ni. Murahnya rezeki!" Padahal dia orang tak tahu, ikan sebenarnya lari dari ombak besar.

Hassanudin: Hahahaha. Kalau rezeki datang dulu, baru datangnya kesusahan, itu namanya bala! Kalau kesusahan datang dulu, lepas tu baru rezeki datang, tu baru namanya ujian Tuhan...

So, to conclude, be patient of your harships. InsyaAllah, kesenangan akan menyusul.

Chewaahh, ending baik punya! Haha.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Kesian kucing I. The last time I saw her, she was fat and healthy.

Me: Why is she so thin?

Niece: Auntie Ectopy tak tahu ke dia kena kidnap?

Me: Bila pula dia kena kidnap?

Niece: Ada satu hari tu, dia hilang tiga hari. Lepas tiga hari, dia balik rumah. Takut dengan orang...

Me: Yeke? Lepas tu jadi kurus?

Niece: Ha ah. Memang kurus. Lepas tu, seminggu dia tak nak makan. Nampak orang je terus lari.

Me: Ala, dia okay je dengan I...

Niece: Tu sebab orang dah sayang-sayang dia...Dia dah belajar manja-manja balik!

Some people can be so mean! If you saw something you like so much, the least you could do is to take care of that thing!

Even an animal can be traumatised. Apatah lagi manusia.

I have said this many times before, but I am going to mention it again, I am still traumatised by motorcyclists.

I no longer put my gear at N (Neutral) when the traffic lights turn red, especially when I am at the front with the motorcyclists surrounding me. I even become suspicious towards the security guard who walked behind me when I am walking to my car at the parking lots. I am extra cautious nowadays and I kinda like and hate it at the same time.

I like it because people can't mess with or I'd give them my flying kick. I hate it because I've become quite jumpy.


One day, I was rushing to finish my work. I ended up working extra hours.

Me: Abang, I rasa I workaholic.

Husband: Kenapa?

Me: Sebab walaupun I penat, walaupun I banyak kerja, walaupun I sepatutnya kena balik awal, tapi I habiskan juga kerja I. And I rasa puas sebab dapat habiskan kerja tu. Kalau tak ada kerja, I jadi boring pula.

Husband: I faham apa yang you rasa. I pun suka kerja I juga. Biarlah tak banyak duit pun. Tapi I happy.

If we think about it, there's actually nothing to love about my job. Long hours and I deal with quite a lot of shit.

But then again, this is the job that taught me about life.

It has been long since I feel good about myself. This job, this is something I am really good at. I am glad.


I know a politician who has 13 children.

5 of them are drug addicts.

True story.

I can't understand how people can idolize him or vote for his party. If I were the leader of the party, I won't even consider him to be my secretary.

Come on, you can't even control your own family and you want to protect the Rakyat's rights?

If you are that responsible, why don't you send your problematic children to get the proper help instead of just feeding them away?

Sure, iman tak dapat diwarisi, we all have black sheeps and bad apples in the family, you are not all to be blamed for your chidlren's bad behaviours, but five of them? Really? There has to be something wrong with you as well.

Paling tak tahan tu, one of the sons sibuk nak saman orang. Konon nak menegakkan keadilan, nak guna mahkamah lah, patutnya kitorang yang guna mahkamah sumbat adik-beradik kau tu masuk jail. Tak malu betul!

Speaking about people who encourage addicts...There this one Dato' whose son is now has gone cuckoo after overdosing God-knows-what-drugs.

Sometimes, this son of his got away from the house and acting all weird, scaring the people at that neighbourhood. Not only he is acting weird, he is dangerous too! Sometimes, he carries an axe or a dagger, and stopping passer-bys and harassing them. Crazy!

Dato' ni pun bodoh ke apa, first, he denies the crazy man lives at his house. Then, he bribes people to keep their mouths shut. When the victims want to make a police report, he tells them, "Awak cakaplah awak nampak satu lembaga...Kalau awak cakap awak nampak orang, saya tak nak bayar!" Laaa, if the lembaga was not your son, why would you want to pay in the first place!

If I were the victim and he said something like that to me, I'd go ballistic. Or...I'll ask for a large amount of money. Haha. Nak bribe I pun, bagilah ribu-ribu...Dah awak tu Dato' yang sayangkan anak kan...

Monday, January 9, 2012

The Hajj will always be significant in my life. It the one big event that Father went to before he passed away. During his funeral, my aunt said to me, "I am sad. But I am also very, very happy sebab dia pergi bersih lepas Haji."

My other aunt and uncle went for Hajj recently. Back from Mekah, the couple visited Mother. My uncle swears to God he saw Father in Masjidil Haram.

According to him, he wanted to say Hi but Father was praying. So, my uncle prayed right next to him. Just as he was about to finish his prayers, after the last sujud, Father disappeared.

My uncle said he wouldn't lie because, "Orang baru balik Haji, tak akan lah nak menipu!"

It's probably some pelanduk dua serupa. I don't care, one day, when I get to perform Hajj, I wish I could see the sight of someone who looks like Father, peacefully praying there.



I am back at Mother's house for a few days. I like it when everybody gathers here, especially my nieces.

When they saw my husband, let's address him as Uncle Ectopac, they immediately got all excited. They would scream and make him their horse. My husband ni pulak jenis yang melayan, ais krim, playground, zoo, habis...!

After a long drive, naturally my husband would get tired. But he just can't say "No" to the children. He asked me to take over the kids, I was too tired myself, I told him to pretend to sleep and not to react and the kids would take the hint and leave us alone.

But, my husband stubbornly submitted himself to the children. "Kesian diorang boring..." he gave his excuse.

Niece: Uncle Ectopac! Nak tengok tiger!
Husband: Pergilah ajak Mama and Papa...
Niece: Mama and Papa tak nak pergi. Mama and Papa nak kerja je...

Words coming out from a three-year-old. Patutlah husband I kesian.


My husband received a call from a distant relative.

He told my husband that his son-in-law, a doctor, was being accused of molesting one of his patients.

Me: Why would he tell you that?
Husband: I don't know.

Anyway, basically, his son-in-law was examining the patient. He was supposed to have a chaperon, but this doctor was too nice to wake the nurses up.

Me: OMG.
Husband: Tu lah! Baik tak kena tempat.

My husband asked who the 'victim' was and he said a Malay girl.

The point is, I pity that young doctor. Kau tu baik sangat...Lain kali kejut je lah nurse yang tidur tu, memang dah kerja dia. Jangan biar orang pijak kepala kita. Secondly, bersabar je lah dengan dugaan...Thirdly, perlukah kau bagitau bapa mertua kau pasal ni sampai bapa mertua kau telefon orang yang setakat bau-bau bacang dengan dia?


I am sure your superiors can tell which accusation is true and which is false. Don't worry, Doctor.


One night, after a nice dinner, my husband and I were browsing the local radio channels in the car. I stopped when I heard this song

I loved this song, I memorize the lyrics. So, when I heard it was playing on the radio, I pun nak karaoke lah...

The problem is, it was a weekend night, so it was a remix, the song was cut short.

I was unsatisfied and got angry, I instantly switched off the radio and started to sing myself! (Ye lah, orang tengah syok-syok menyanyi...)

My husband thought it was funny of me. "Marah dekat radio, lepas tu nyanyi sendiri...Hahaha...Apalah isteri abang ni..."

Okay, I never behaved in such way, but I guess I really wanted to sing.

So, I continued singing for two minutes. Once I finished, I pretended that I was in a concert and people adored me, so I shouted, "Yeay! Woohoo! Phewwwiiitt!" and my husband joined in by clapping and cheering along the imaginary crowd.


It was a funny scene in the car.

My husband always says that I make him look silly. For some reason, he would just go with whatever I say, even though, in actual, jangan haraplah dia nak buat.