Friday, February 27, 2015

Jumpa sepasang couple. Ada anak perempuan seorang.

Malangnya, anak yang berumur 13 tahun itu diserang penyakit. Sekarang terlantar macam sayur. Hari-hari ibu bapa budak itu menjaga dia. Masih sayang macam menatang minyak yang penuh.

Bila saya tengok, hati saya jadi sayu.

Saya tak dapat bayangkan perasaan ibu bapa budak itu, sewaktu mereka mengusap kepalanya, mesti mereka terkenang saat-saat anak mereka sedang sihat, ketawa dan gembira.

Anak yang dilahirkan sihat, tapi sekarang, dah dekat 4 bulan tak dapat memberikan eye contact.

Kalau terjadi pada saya? Kuatkah saya?

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As much as I want to remain neutral in this blog, there's one thing I can't refrain myself from: announcing that I am pro vaccination.

It just saddens me to see the rising number of parents who refuse vaccination, especially when they claim it's a big conspiracy from Jews. Ironically, they also fitnah the doctors that vaccinations are given simply for the doctors' profits.

No, there's no hidden agenda other than we all want all of us to be healthy. As I drove from work this evening, I tuned in IKIM.fm and the Ustadz was talking about 'buruk sangka'. Janganlah berburuk sangka, nanti Syaitan baja perasaan tu.

Anyway, be careful of what you wish for.

I have a 'friend' (we went to school together) and she is so against vaccination- I can tell from her Facebook status.

She recently gave birth and the baby is still being admitted. I don't know what's the problem, but the baby is pretty ill.

It got me thinking. You can't give vaccination to the ill patients. Herd immunity is to protect the people who fall under this category.
Her baby is currently sick and I'm sure, is not eligible to receive vaccinations, yet.

This is what she had wished for. She didn't wish for her child to fall sick, but she did wish that her children go unvaccinated (she wouldn't allow- haram katanya, nak ikut makanan Sunnah semata).

Never in my heart to intend or think that the situation shall serve her right, but I guess, in the end, she really got what she wish for. Her child might never receive any vaccinations, because he just can't.

And I hope we all believe in Hikmah.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

After my son purposely threw my breastpump on the floor and laughed about it, it stopped to function properly.

I asked my husband to look for the convertible manual kit, but he couldn't find it at our previous home.

And that's how my breastfeeding journey ended...

Actually, the more accurate term is, bye bye pumping days. I still have a month's stock left in the fridge.

18 months.

My son is a big boy now. But still sleeps while suckling -__-

Still haven't said a word.
Not trying to be a kiasu mom but I read it's important for babies to communicate well or they'll end up frustrated (because they are not understood).

I hope my child is happy because I always understand him. Magic betul how I can figure out from the grunts and points and cries.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

I need to do some work but right now, I decided to have a little break.

And...Think about the weird dreams I had last night.

First dream:
Well, I dreamt that my husband had two wives! I am his first wife. Somehow, in that dream, my relationship with the second wife was quite good. I knew her and we were having a conversation like normal 'madu' (???!!!)
Suddenly, my husband entered the picture. He started to talk to the second wife. I don't remember what he did, but he did something that made me sad out of a sudden. And jealous at the same time, but more sad than jealous.
Then, I started to tell him how unfair he was to me. I told him that he always prioritized the second wife. "And that's why he's not supposed to marry the second wife because I knew he wouldn't be able to be fair to both of us."

Weird eh?
Adakah ini satu petunjuk?
A wife's instinct?

Second dream:
Okay, the second dream is quite scary. This is not the first time I dreamt about Hari Kiamat. I think Allah loves me because He keeps reminding about Hari Kiamat to me. But I am still not a good Muslim! Teruk kan I ni...Bilalah nak sedar...I want to be a good Muslim, I really do...

So, in this dream (or more precisely, nightmare), I was inside a tall building when we noticed the Sun rose from the West. Then, the Earth started to swallow itself, with comets pouring down and destroying everything.

I was panicking, of course. I could see it all clearly. And I thought, "I never imagined I would live to witness the Kiamat. Kenapa cepat sangat Kiamat ni?"

I kept having thoughts, "OMG, I am going to hell. I nak bertaubat. I nak bertaubat. Tapi dah nak Kiamat ni, Taubat dah tak diterima dah! I don't want to go to Hell. But I will go to Hell. Oh, God, please forgive and let me enter Heaven eventually. Please count all the little deeds I did, even though I am not a good Muslim."

Scary weih...!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Mother was a housewife. When I was 14, Father had to work away from home. But we mostly saw each other on weekends. I was already a teenager and was busy with school activities, so I never really missed having him around.

I had a completely different childhood than what my son is experiencing now.

Now that I am a Mother myself, I often wonder, how do kids feel when
- their Moms have to go to work very early in the morning, and arrive home at 9pm the earliest
- they have long distance relationships with their Fathers
- sometimes they don't even get to see their Moms everyday

I want to understand what's going on in their minds and how this will impact them when they grow up.

Do they grow up sad?
Too independent?
Not talking to their parents?

I asked a friend, whose parents are in the same profession as mine, how did he feel when he was just a child?
He said, his parents sent him to the kampung to be taken care by his grandparents. Then, his parents took him back. During lunchtime, he stayed at his babysitter's house. Then, he went to the boarding school...

But how do you really feel?
Have you ever felt neglected? Sad? Simply give up on your parents?

Am I just overreacting? My son won't remember all this, yet.

But I will. And I pray not to be haunted by this decision, ever.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Once I moved back to Mother's house, my son and I slept on a mattress on the floor in my room, just because I was scared he might fall off the bed. Previously, he slept in the middle between my husband and I, so I wasn't really worried about that.

Slowly, as my back couldn't take it anymore, my son and I started to sleep on our bed.

Being the boy that he is, tidur berguling guling, pusing sana, pusing sini, sometimes, he ended up with only his body on the bed, while his waist down hanging by the bed. Funny, I tell you.

Just now, when he was already fast asleep, I was getting ready for Isyak. Suddenly, he woke up. Then I smiled at him and he fell back to sleep. So, I started my solat, but I heard him falling!

Terpaksa batalkan solat.

Anak bertuah ni, boleh pulak sambung tidur dekat atas lantai. Haha!

It's midnight now. Time yang tak best. Because this is the only time that I'm free (because Baby K dah tidur), but I couldn't do the important stuff like banking and pay my bills.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Today, I found out someone is jealous of me.
Aiyo...Itu pun nak dengki ke?

My work is pretty flexible now, so I want to take the opportunity to go for a 2-week course. Bukan bercuti pun, kursus okay!

I asked my boss for permission. This colleague of mine overheard, and he quickly said it would be unfair if Boss let me go.

Huh?

If I were him, I would be glad because my colleague will return with more knowledge to share!
Lagipun, I bayar sendiri!

And it's not like it will be affecting his work! And he soon will be getting his opportunity when I can't.

And to think that I was already cheated to cover for him for other stuff! I feel used!

He's so childish and negative.

When faced with this kind of situation, I always wonder how the spouse handles people like this. Then, I think, agaknya spouse pun perangai sama, sebab tu sepadan sangat. Haha!

I pray I will pass my exam. Doa orang yang teraniaya should makbul.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Today, I met a truck driver who works with Alam Flora, and he and his wife were able to collect RM400k cumulatively. They have 7 children.

Nothing is impossible, right?

Then, he complained about the rising cost of living. I could feel him. Makan bukannya murah pun sekarang.

My son will soon reach 18 months old and I want to stop pumping already! My milk stock probably could last him 3 months. That should be enough lah kan...

My routine now is pumping once during lunchtime. Lebih kurang 3oz je dapat. But I think my son pun minum sikit. Sometimes, he could survive without drinking milk at all. Mother and bibik give him Vitagen, Ribena and water instead. I really hate it when bibik gives him Ribena to drink with during mealtime. Rosak gigi lah nanti...Dahlah bibik tu ada kencing manis. Because of this type of unhealthy lifestyle lah. Her permit gets rejected because she fails the urine test. Anyone knows what to do next? Dah habis ribu ribu dah ni.

Anyway, since I just got back to work, I have more milk from the all the direct feeding for the last 2 weeks. So, kita pump dulu selagi ada. After it diminishes in a few weeks time, I will reduce the amount of time pumping to 10 minutes once a day, and finally, go pumping free.

I really thought my cheapo breastpump wouldn't last, but it does...Yeay, cheapo! Win!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Again, it breaks my heart that tomorrow I will start my usual boring routine of going to work. My son fell asleep on my arm, and I love it when I catch him smiling, sometimes, giggling in his sleep. Sweet dreams, my dear. Mommy loves you.
Back from the long holiday and definitely not looking forward for work tomorrow.
Dreading the fact I will have to leave my son so early in the morning and probably comes back late at night.
Thinking of quitting and becoming a housewife yet again...Sigh.

Holiday was great. It was a success even though I didn't get to do all the things I wanted, but you know, in marriage, you just have to compromise. Unless you marry the person who has the same interests as you!

Because I compromised, my husband bought two new handbags for me. Well, I am not really crazy about them, but that means at least two years of fasting from getting any new one.

It's funny how I don't like to shop anymore. Actually, I probably still do, I just don't like to buy expensive things. And the holiday reminded me of how I used to love dressing up. And I remember how my friends used to drag me to shop with them because they needed my opinions. Like being a personal shopper/ stylist for them. Great time, I tell you... :)

Sometimes, I wish I had stayed instead of coming back. But I know, if I did, it'd be difficult to cover myself. How do you show up to work suddenly with a scarf on your head? Me and my logic. Boleh? Hahahaha.


Tengok, budak perasan, he refused to sit down and insisted my husband to dukung him so he could grab those things.



Many people commented that he looks older than 17 months old. Memang pun, kan?

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Had a meeting with a client. He is an elderly gentleman, a retired school principle.

He interrogated my background: where was I raised, who are my parents, how many siblings do I have, and what do they work as.

He then told me, Father must be a great man, who worked sincerely, using honest money. Why do you say that, I asked. Because all of his children are successful. And we were fed with 'air tangan ibu', my mother, who is a housewife.

Then, he shared his experiences, teaching his students, who were the sons and daughters of this profession of my father- "Jahat, nakal-nakal! Pakcik rasa, mesti sebab bapa dia ambil rasuah! Sebab tu dapat anak macam tu!"

I am proud of my parents.

But I don't think it's fair to blame the children's behaviours solely on the parents lah...

Stress pulak aku nak jadi Mak ni. Haha.