Friday, April 24, 2015

I want to do something that can cheer me up.

Tried to do online shopping. Too many choose from. I ended being too lazy to browse them all.
Tried to book for a holiday for the long weekend. But seems like many places are all booked.
Tried to read. But some of the short stories/ articles are so sad.
Maybe I should get a new phone since my current's screen is cracked, abused by Baby K. My phone is only one year old! Sheesh...
Or, get a new jewellery, but my husband just surprised me with a necklace two weeks ago.

I searched online on how to be happy. In one of the articles, it mentioned that money helps. But only temporary. So, yeah, whatever I wanted to try above, actually won't make me happy, but will definitely temporarily cheer me up. I'll do whatever I can lah, okay, temporary pun okay what...

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Work is not too busy currently. But, I am overwhelmed with personal issues and...Well, work.
As I wrote earlier, I had a bad 2 weeks, been dreaming about work, clients and other stuff I don't want to think about when I am sleeping ie: resting. I have headaches so often...

Anyway, last night, I dreamt I was back at the place where I completed my tertiary education. I was shopping, meeting my old friends and it was a great dream!

I went to work as usual. In between, I texted my husband about my dream. Then, I told him that we should go for a holiday. Or for a karaoke at least. I haven't screamed in a very long time. Maybe it would help. He didn't reply.

At about 4.30pm, I decided to perform Asar before heading home. I was all alone and suddenly, I cried. Just a little. I don't know lah. I thought about my past sins and everything.

After I finished my doa, I grabbed my phone. My husband had sent me a reply, telling me he's at the house waiting for me to come home. Surprise!

Alhamdulillah! My mood turned 360 degrees. I instantly became happy! Thank you, God, for still loving me, and thank you God, for this surprise gift.

It was indeed a miracle. Within 5 minutes, I was all smiles, recovering from my tears.

Allah is here, looking after me afterall...I feel so loved...

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Damn, sometimes I feel like I just want to quit this rat race. I just want to chill, and focus on something else, something new.

I talk to myself a lot, not out loud, but in my head. It makes my head hurt. Sometimes, all I want to do is to fall asleep so I can get some rest and think about other things, but I wake up tired because I've been dreaming the stuff I want to avoid in the first place!

So annoying.

I wish I can tell my husband more about what's going on in my mind/ life. I'm sure he will be wonderful about it, but I prefer to keep quiet. I have this fear that his replies won't satisfy me. Or, he won't understand and I'd end up explaining more to him about my situation than me expressing myself --> it'll defeat the purpose of telling him in the first place.

I just want a peaceful mind. Like, please, voices in head, just shut up and stop thinking too much.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

My friend, a teacher, shared his experience with one particular pupil.
This boy asked him when "hari masuk gaji" because he was waiting for the day so that his father can give him some pocket money.
A few days later, he got the chance to talk to this pupil and found out the family was kicked out from their rented house (because his father lost his job) and had been living in a budget inn.

I'm proud that he is such a dedicated, concerned teacher, I wish my son would have wonderful teachers like this when he grows up.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Will be sitting for an exam very, very soon but I was at Midvalley Megamall to shop for a watch. Because I am sitting for an exam, I need a watch.

Coincidently, there was a property expo going on. I was all alone and decided to be the adult that I am, to survey the market. Since I came without an expectation, without a target and no budget in my mind, I was quite happy to browse...

"Ooh, how much for this house?"
"4.7 million..."
"Hhmmm...4 storeys...Got lift ah?"
"Of course...You want to register? Register lah..."
"My husband is not around now...Nanti I call dia okay..."
"Come, come, gimme your contact number. Kerja apa?"

So, yeah, I got to pretend like I was a rich person. It was fun. RM 4.7 millions, you said? Very good price horrr...

Sunday, March 29, 2015

My niece has a lot of questions I can't answer. For example

- While breastfeeding Baby K, "Macam mana susu keluar? Tina tak nampak pun lubang dekat tetek Auntie Ectopy..."

- While watching Ellen, "Dia boy ke girl?"

- While dressing Baby K, "Kenapa Baby K warna macam tu?" "Sebab Baby K punya kulit sama macam Uncle Ectopy" "Tapi Uncle Ectopy lagi hitam!"

Niece: Comellah Baby K ni. Tapi masa dekat hospital (when Baby K was born), Tina malu nak tengok dia...Dia kecil je masa tu. Auntie Ectopy, macam mana Baby K keluar dari perut?

Me: Kan Auntie dah selalu cerita masa bedtime story...Baby K liked to kick me. One day, he kicked me too hard, so he came out from my tummy.

Niece: Ye lah. Tapi dekat mana?

Me: Dekat sini lah (points to my stomach)

Niece: Ye ke...Perut Auntie tak ada bekas jahit pun!

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Heard the doorbell rang, so went to check and someone claimed, "Minta derma untuk sekolah Tahfiz..."

Took a few ringgit and brought Baby K to the gate.

Saw that girl wearing a nose ring.
And she didn't even offer a receipt (they usually do, right?)

I mean, katakanlah, kau dulu sesat, and now you are raising money for a sekolah Tahfiz, shouldn't you at least take off your nose ring?

Felt cheated.

Reminds me of the time when I was at a petrol station.

Paid RM50 and the attendant helped to fill up the tank. When he indicated that he was done, I peeked and saw it stopped at RM45 plus. Got out from the car,

Me: Saya bayar RM50 lah tadi.
Attendent: Saya tak tahu.
Me: Try lagi sekali.
Attendant: Mungkin dia tendang balik sebab minyak dah full.
Me: Mana ada full!
Attendant: Boleh minta balik duit lebih dari dalam.

Went inside and given RM5. Without me even explaining the situation to the cashier. Datang counter terus dapat duit, as if trying to shut me up.

Started the engine and realized there were 2 empty bars. (Kepala otak kau bagi aku teori minyak tendang sebab tank dah full)

So angry!

I suspect the attendant and the cashier purposely plot to cheat the customers. Those who don't know notice would've probably drove away without detecting anything wrong.

RM5 per car. If there were 10 cars that hour? If they were 50 cars that day?

So, please, always check the meters.


Sunday, March 15, 2015

This is why I don't allow myself to own too many social media platforms.

I just stalked some people on Instagram and they were talking about designer clothes, individually tailored for you, big names that would cost you thousands of ringgit.

Then I felt bad for myself because I never had the chance. Or, maybe, I am just too calculative and careful to let myself have a chance. Sigh.


This sick thought began to drag my mind to blame my husband- kesian dia, mangsa yang tak bersalah langsung. I thought, if he could buy expensive jeans, why can't I?

(For the record, he is a good husband and he does offer to buy me expensive things, stupid me always decline his offers)

I quickly slapped my mind back to reality. I am not like them. I am not one of them. Sila sedar diri!



Somebody thought my husband is a millionaire.

Then, that person wondered why my husband can't be as generous as that person expects a millionaire would be.

Well, the most logical explanation to that is: Because my husband is not a millionaire. Not yet.

Bodohlah. Millionaire apa ke bendanya kalau kereta pun tak beli cash...Banyak loan lagi tak habis bayar tau!

I started to dig around to find out why that person has a fixed perception toward my husband.

Turns out, somebody in our family has been telling that person that my husband is quite successful and has been purchasing this and that. That family member was telling in a I-am-so-proud-of-you-I-want-you-to-know kind a manner.

I have mixed feeling towards this rumour.

At first, I find it funny. Like, what the hell! If we were rich, I would've lived in a nice, big, house, wearing nothing under RM 50, and driving a sports car.

After I found out the root of that person idea, I was quite disturbed. That person doesn't know how significant is my role towards my husband's success.

That person and that family member are under the impression that my husband made it all by himself. They don't know the sacrifices I made for him. They think my husband has been supporting me. What about, me supporting my husband?

Don't I look like someone who contributes too? Apa dia ingat, I simply kerja and don't give a damn about my husband's business? They think it's easy for my husband? What kind of business if you didn't experience naik turun adat resam orang ber business. And, and, and, when my husband was at his low point, who do you think he turn to for help? I even stayed up at night and filled numerous forms for him.

I really think my husband owes me big time. And if he ever hurt our marriage, I'll make sure he nicely gets what he deserves. Haha. Sampai ke situ pulak.

Emo gila I malam ni...

Ini bukannya nak mengungkit. But I am offended.

It's definitely not my husband's fault. Takkanlah my husband nak cakap, "Isteri saya banyak menolong bla bla bla," or maybe...He should start now! Heee...

In his defense, my husband has helped me tremendously too. Siapa yang selalu doakan untuk kerjaya I? Siapa yang offer nak buat solat hajat untuk I? Siapa yang selalu bagi semangat pada I? Who has always believed in my ability? Who has always fetched me to and fro my workplace when I just didn't have the mood to get there myself? Who has always entertained my cravings and gave me lots of my favourite chocolates? Syukur sangat.

The point is...
In marriage, you help each other.

Let this be a lesson.

When you compliment a person, don't forget the partner. Do not offend the partner. Even if the wife is a housewife, don't you dare thinking that the wife did nothing to contribute to his success.

And men should always mention the wife in their 'Oscar acceptance' speech. And make their wives feel appreciated. Do not forget.

Last but not least, dear husband, I hope you will become a true millionaire one day.
To that person, thank you, hopefully the things that are spoken in the rumour will be taken as a doa for our family. Amiin.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

My lecturer was talking about pain.

"Studying for this is painful. You whine every day, wanting to die every day, complaint every single time, but yet, you still die die want to finish this off. Why? Why put yourself through something so difficult and painful? You know it's hard, you know you don't like it, but you still do it! Whose fault is that?"

I was silent.

"Because you want the satisfaction. Because it's your ambition. Because at the end of the day, completing this course means something so much to you, that you are willing to go through the hardships, because perhaps you think it's worth it."

Then, I question myself. Really? Does becoming an expert in a field means so much to me?

One of the major reasons I continue my study is because I'm a type A kind of person, and I can't be left behind in this rat race, especially when I compare myself to other people, it drives me nut. If they can do it, why can't I?

Never thought how it would make my life more meaningful. Heh.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

My son, he's going to be 19 months old this coming Friday.
He missed his appointment for his jab at 18 months because he had fever.

Anyway, since my husband is around, I asked my husband to bring him instead.
My husband hates the needle. He couldn't stand seeing blood.
He didn't even accompany me in the labour room!
And all this while, I was the one who held my son down when he received his injections.
My husband? He felt too kasihan for my son, he couldn't even bear to be in the same room.

According to my husband, my son screamed and cried...4 people needed to hold him down...
Then, he salam-ed all the nurses after the ordeal.


What I like about my local government clinic is, the nurses remember us.
- the same nurse who did the home visit after I delivered the baby
- the same nurse who greeted us at the clinic when they thought my baby had jaundice (he didn't)
- then I returned to my husband's hometown and had regular follow ups there
- but once I am back to Mother's place to further my study, I transferred all my baby's record to the local clinic, and again, we saw the same nurse.
I remember she said, "Eh, dah setahun ke?" Ya, dah setahun. And I'm so surprised she actually remembers us.
- and recently, still the same ever so friendly nurse

Anyway, since she knows us (not personally though), she was a bit concerned that my son hasn't said a word. Yet.

My husband called me and passed the phone to her

Nurse: Miss Ectopy, anak Miss ni tak pandai cakap lagi ke?
Me: Ha ah...Dia tak pandai cakap lagi...Tapi dia paham, tunjuk telinga, tunjuk hidung, tunjuk mata...
Nurse: Mama ke? Nenek ke? Air ke?
Me: Tak lagi...
Nurse: Sebab kalau ikut betul-betul, saya patutnya kena refer doktor ni...Budak umur macam ni kena cakap 3 perkataan.
Me: Errr...Dia ada cakap "Bye bye" --> I lied.
Nurse: Mama?
Me: Tak ada lagi...Tapi dia ada cakap "Nana". Nana tu cousin dia. --> I don't think he meant it when he said na na na na na na.
Nurse: Lain? Hai ke? Hello ke?
Me: Dia lambat sikit...
Nurse: Jadi, macam mana Miss?
Me: Bagi masa sebulan dua boleh tak?
Nurse: Tak apa?
Me: Kalau tak boleh juga, kita refer doktor.
Nurse: Okay, Miss...

So, that's how I dodged the referral to the doctor for his delayed speech.

Actually, I don't mind being referred to the doctor lah...It's just that I prefer if I was there when the doctor assesses him.

So, lepas ni kena buat intensive course untuk anak I ni...