Thursday, December 18, 2014

Not many people know I am furthering my studies.
Because I am scared if I fail.

Exam is getting near.
I told my friends who know about my worry.

Funny how they have more confident in me than myself
- you're a genius
- you're smart
- you'll pass surely

This has put even more pressure on me! Now, I need to meet everybody's expectations!

My exam has probably 25-35% passing rate. 40% at most. Definitely not 50%.

I wish they underestimate me. Then, if I passed, I'd surprised everyone.

And I really, really don't want to fail because I don't want to prolong this journey and I need to get out from there as soon as possible.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

An 80 year-old gentleman with his 76 year-old wife, both using walking sticks, hand in hand.

That's the kind of Makcik I want to be.
The kind who instantly warms other people's hearts for doing nothing but being me.

I hope my husband and I will grow old together and we will always holding hands.


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

If sometimes you are not happy with your work or you're lazy to come for work, remember
- be thankful that you have a job. There are so many people out there who wish they had jobs
- be thankful that you are healthy to be able to do work. There are so many people out there who wish they are healthy so they can work

And, if you're unhappy because you have to work when you're not supposed to, remember
- at least you can claim those extra hours
- if you can't claim, hopefully your work will benefit other people. Sesungguhnya, orang yang disukai Allah adalah orang yang bermanfaat pada orang lain

Because I found out I will be called tomorrow. Gaaahhh!!! Sabar, sabar. Sleep well tonight and don't mind tomorrow. Ikhlas.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Hari ni, asyik gaduh je dengan colleagues/ bosses/ clients...

The worst I had today, happened just now.

My staff told me that I have a pending work to do. So, I said okay, and had my meal first.
Then, my boss arrived.
Suddenly, he accused me for being lazy and calculative because he said I refused to help me.

Me: (WTF!) Saya tak ada pun kata saya tak nak buat.
Boss: Ada staff cakap you tak nak buat.
Me: Which one?
Staff 1: Akak tak ada pun cakap Miss macam tu.
Staff 2: (Shaking her head)
Boss: Yang itu, you have to sort it out between you and your staff.
Me: I baru je tahu pasal case ni 15 minit lepas. Tadi, I baru settle kan another case. I planned to help you after I had my meal. That's why I went to eat first. I never said I did not want to clerk this case. Masa staff inform I pasal case ni, I langsung tak ada buat muka ke, naik suara ke...

Then, he changed topic. And he started to cool down a bit. (Ciri-ciri orang guilty)

When he left, I turned to my staff:

Me: Siapa yang bagitahu saya  tak nak buat kerja tu?! Saya nak bunuh dia!
Staff 1: Saya baru je keluar toilet masa Boss datang tadi. Saya langsung tak cakap apa-apa. Saya bersumpah atas anak saya!
Staff 2: Akak pun tak cakap macam tu.
Staff 3: Bukan saya...Saya faham masa tu Miss nak makan dulu...

Staff 2: Miss, Boss tu penat tu...Sebab tu dia macam tu.
Me: Ye...Saya tahu dia penat. Tak apa lah...Tapi, tak baiklah buat macam tu. Kalau tak, tak pasal pasal, kita pula yang bergaduh. Dah lah tadi saya kena maki dengan client. Tapi saya sabar je. Sebab saya fikir client saya tu tak sihat, sebab tu dia maki saya.

I went into my room and called my husband.
Then I cried. But he didn't know, of course. I maintained my usual cheerful self. I'm a damn good actress!

Biasa lah kan, kerja memang macam ni.

Over last weekend, I met a friend over lunch.

She told me the story when a client of hers spat on her. The saliva hit her her shoe.

She said, "Ectopy, I didn't study for years to be spat like that..."

Men...Why do they get so irritable when

- hungry
- tired
- lack of sleep

Kalau husband mula menunjukkan ciri-ciri nak cari gaduh tu, all I have to do is:
- Look at the time
- Realize it's his mealtime
- Cepat-cepat feed him before it gets worse

I had a great week last week.
My little family spent precious time together for 7 full days!
I just need to write this down so I can direct my mind to a happier place.

I know my boy was very happy to have both of his parents by his side. Clingy to my husband, as usual. Loves the swimming pool. Acted like a big kid when he wanted to jump into the pool.

I was happy too. And I'm so glad to be married to my husband. He's a great man. May we have a blessed life.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Actually, I have tons of things to write.

But, what's on my mind right now is...

Well, I just had a client, an ex-engineer, and whose one of the children is also an engineer.
So, I thought, okay, should have no problem is terms of payment.
Then, the daughter was talking about the possibility of asking help from Baitulmal.

I was surprised, of course. On the surface, I get the impression that they come from a quite well-to-do family. The father speaks English very well. He even had an iPad and a smart phone next to him while talking to me!

I don't know lah whether I am a shallow person, but to me, it's quite hard to believe that you don't have RM10k when you can afford an iPad .

This has made me thinking:

- When I get the impression that you should not have financial problems based on your appearance, are you telling me that you are actually broke? Does that mean you spend your money just to look affordable when in actual fact, you are not? Why do you that?

- You are an engineer. Don't you have RM10k in your bank account? Okay, you don't have RM10k. RM5k, maybe? And certainly your children can chip in to top up to required the amount?

- I'm glad I don't work with donated money/ zakat. Don't you thing it's a huge responsible? You have to be jujur, telus dan amanah. I once met a lady who works in this department. She's in charge in distributing the money to the needy. Sometimes, it's quite difficult to fully assess the financial situation of a family. She told me, before she gives out the money, she always asks the recipient,
"Pakcik, duit yang saya nak bagi ni, hasil kutipan Zakat. Pakcik rasa, Pakcik layak tak dapat Zakat?"

When she explains it that way, most recipients would pause and think for a moment, reassessing back their status. Sometimes, the reply she gets is,
"Pakcik rasa tak payahlah. Anak Pakcik ada kerja...Boleh tolong..."

But of course, this only applies to people who truly understands the weight of accepting something you are not eligible to.

- Same goes to my client. I mean, wouldn't you question yourself until you cannot sleep at night, thinking, my iPad is RM1k, my phone is RM1k, my laptop is RM1k, I watch Astro, I use the Internet 4G, I dine at nice restaurants, but I don't have any savings...

- The same lady, told me about her dilemma she once faced. She received a call from Somebody to give the donation money to a YB. He's a YB, pangkat Dato', he was surely not eligible for the Welfare money! But, if she didn't use up the allocated fund for that year, the amount would be reduced in next year's budget. Nanti kesian pulak dekat orang tahun depan.

- I mean, if I was that Dato', (and even as rakyat jelata) I wouldn't even request for it in the first place! Itu kan duit Welfare. Okay, it might not necessarily be donated to the fund, the Government gives the money to the Welfare. But, one of the sources of the Government's income kan from the tax payers. Which means, it's also my money, and I don't want to give my money to you lah, Dato'! Oh, don't tell me the BS of- I pay the tax, so why can't I use the tax money...How much do you actually pay per year?

- Of course, one could argue that Zakat money can be distributed to those who are in debts. But I strongly think are certain conditions for that. I pun ada hutang juga (and am so not proud of it) tapi I don't think I fall under the category of one of the Asnafs.

- I once read my friend's status on Facebook (bless my friends, most of them always share informative and beneficial status updates): One of the reasons why those in debts should be helped with Zakat money is because Allah doesn't like His slaves to be in debts. Hence, we should try our best to avoid being in that situation. Jika berhutang, langsaikan cepat-cepat. Orang yang banyak berhutang itu sebenarnya orang miskin.

- Many people condemn our Zakat centre. Macam-macam kata. Makan duit Zakat lah, tak distribute duit Zakat lah...
Honestly, as a person who's never worked there, I, myself can't imagine doing their work. How do you choose? Man, it's hard work to work there! I'll be fearing my life every night thinking whether I've made the right decisions. Ini duit Zakat weih...

Lepas tu, kalau tak bagi, orang mulalah nak mengutuk.

But, how do you really assess? There so many people falsifying their statements these days. Come on, it's quite common to see parents lowering their household income just so their children can get the PTPTN loan, right? (Lepas tu, tak bayar balik...Another story!)

I see them giving out the money, no problem. But sometimes, I see people who I think are not eligible, bringing letters to the Zakat centres, and also receive the money.

The people yang benar-benar layak? Possibly don't even know how to get to the Zakat centre! Just waiting for house visits at their home...

- To be fair, this subject is relative. A single person who earns RM3k might be enough to sustain herself. But a father with 3 kids who's living in KL, RM3k is not enough.

- When I see more and more clients requesting help from NGO, I am wondering, is our country really that poor? When our country keeps trying to convince us that we are in prosper, I keep getting more and more people needing financial aid.

- You know the saying, 'Beggars can't be choosers?'
Haha. Could no longer apply it in today's world. From what I encounter, some beggars can be choosers!
When we offer them a cheaper option (and of course, comparable! Eg: Cheaper but lasts longer, compares to pricier but faster), many opts for the more expensive option.

They think, expensive is better (despite our extensive explanation). So, they demand for the more expensive option.

"But, we have to wait for the funds from the Welfare. Perhaps you can pay half?"
"No. I don't have money. Can't you help me get it sooner? I've been waiting for so long, I can't wait anymore!"
"We are trying our best."

Since you have been waiting for so long, shouldn't you have a little bit of savings to help yourself?
What have you done all this while? Just sit and wait and demand like you're the only one applying?

- Do people have become more and more unwilling to pull money out of their own pockets? Have we become so spoiled? Are we becoming a lazy nation?

- I hope I could teach my children to save. And to set their priorities straight. If you don't have money for something important, eliminate all of your unnecessary expenditures!

- Please pray for me so I'll be debt free soon! Hutang duit lebih senang nak langsai daripada hutang servis ni...

Okay. Dahlah tu. Sekian essay hari ni.
Sebenarnya banyak lagi cerita lain yang best yang nak ditulis.

Why did I choose this topic in the first place! Grrr...

Monday, October 27, 2014

Today, I am gonna talk about my son.

I think, my son is mostly a quiet little person. You rarely hear his voice. He grunts when he wants something, knows how to cry when he doesn't get the things he want.

And when the crying happens, boy, could he cry for a very long time...So, terpaksalah pujuk or distract him.

I am always amazed that despite the lack of words, somehow I could understand him.
I think, compared to his father, I'm just a little more observant.

For example, when I look at him, I can see his eyes are fixated on something, which means he will eventually want it. So, when he starts to grunt, I know exactly what he's asking for. And now, he knows how to point at things with his index and middle fingers.

Every time I correctly guess his wants and needs, I instantly feel a rush of satisfaction, as if, we have a special bond between us (which we do!). Haha. Padahal all you need is to watch and learn his body language lah...

I remember the times when he was just learning to walk.
He fell down many times, and he picked himself up over and over again. And look at where he is now, walking, almost running and growing up healthily.
I remember thinking, my own son is reminding me about life- Never give up. You need to fall down before learning to walk. Even a baby could do it, so why can't you?

So, I hope, in the future, whenever I feel all hopeless, I would remind myself about the time my baby was learning to walk (and soon, the time when he learns how to ride a bicycle etc).

I tend to ignore him when he falls down. Simply because I think he needs to toughen up a little. Also, I realize he is usually fine when he thinks I am not watching. Kalau I tegur sikit, mulalah nak melalak. Alahai...

When we first moved back to Mother's house, he was very fascinated by the cats.
Sekarang, dia dah tak heran. Malah, kuat mengacau kucing-kucing.

Sometimes, I find scratches on his hands and legs. Tapi, tak ada pulak dia menangis pulak. Bila kucing tu cakar dia, dia buat selambe je...Memang tak serik serik.

One time, I was feeding with fish crackers. Tapi dia buang buang. So, the cats came running eating the bits off the floor. Pandai pulak si kenit tu nak dengki dengan si kucing. Dia pukul kepala kucing tu tak nak bagi makan. Dia pulak pergi kutip masuk mulut.


Last February, my colleague showed a video of her 10-month-old daughter swaying her little body while listening to the nursery rhymes. My boy was 6 months old. I remember being excited for my son to turn 10 months old so he would develop his dancing skills.

Nope. It did not happen. Yet.
Body keras kot anak I ni...

Kalau tengok Hi 5, mak dia yang terlebih excited berjoget joget. Baby K tu duduk tercegat je...
Why you no fun!

Mother said, "Cucu-cucu lain tak ada pun macam ni...Time Baby K ni, habis pasu pecah! Barang tak boleh letak rendah-rendah."

Susah sangat nak ambil a proper smiling picture. Tak reti duduk diam. Aktif betul.
Nanti I letak gambar dia okay!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Here's the chronology:

When I first found out about the I Want to Touch a Dog event, first thing that came to my mind:
What a stupid event! Why do we even need such event! I am not scared of the dogs. I love the dogs. I know what to do if I accidentally touch a wet dog. Dogs are nice like cats.
Why do we need an event specifically to touch a dog? How stupidddd...
Why so jakun one?!!!

Then, event happened. Read the stupid comments.
Here's what I think:
The dog issue has been blown out of proportion.
Only in Malaysia.

"Haram sebab pegang anjing saja-saja."

What do you mean pegang saja-saja? The event was created to promote awareness. Tolonglah jangan pendek akal. The event was created to kill the stigma among non-Muslims have toward the Muslims. They think we are dangerous, we are terrorists, we hate the dogs!

Well, you know what? Islam doesn't hate the dogs. We love and respect all animals. We just can't touch them as freely as we want.

And you know what I hate even more?

That we needed to create an event just to prove this!

Arrgghhh!!! Tarik rambut...!

"Posing with the dogs is like posing with your own shit. Because dogs are najis. Would you like to peluk cium najis sendiri?"

OMG, no wonder we just had to organize an event like that!
Because of this kind of mentality lah.

I still can't believe this is happening in Malaysia.

When I was young, Father used to bring us visit his friends, the non-Muslims, and some of them had dogs. The dogs were their pets. When we arrived, sometimes, the dogs were running freely, but they would quickly restrain them and let us into the houses.
We respected each other.

My uncle and aunt have many cats. There were dogs in the neighbourhood. My uncle and aunt feed them sebab kesian. The dogs end up guarding the house for them. My uncle and aunt doesn't let the dogs inside the house compound, but the dogs think they are their masters. Some people call animal control to catch/ shoot the stray dogs. But my uncle wouldn't let them. He even paid the animal control people to not shoot the dogs!

I thought it was normal. Aren't those things normal to you, as well?
Apparently, not, sampai kena buat event besar-besaran gitu...

You kata, you live in the city. Takkan kawan you semua Muslim? You tak ada non-Muslim friends?

You kata, you live in the kampung. Orang dekat kampung kan are usually lebih mesra and neighbourly. Kampung you tak ada non-Muslims yang bela anjing ke?

Then, I went overseas and most of the dogs are very well-behaved (they are very smart indeed). No problem there. Tak pernah pulak ada complaint, there are too many dogs in the park, therefore, I won't sit on the grass. Tak pernah pulak, saya tak mau pergi rumah orang putih tu sebab rumah dia ada anjing, dia makan babi, rumah dia ada simpan arak. Pandai pulak dekat negara orang, duduk senyap senyap.

I don't understand us, Malaysians. Why are we okay with the dogs when we are overseas, but not okay with the dogs when we are in our own country? Because we like to show who's the boss?

And we always pride ourselves for the fact we live "dalam masyarakat majmuk". Tapi kenapa tak ada toleransi? Majmuk apa ni kalau some individuals don't even have friends from other races!
(True story. I once met an Indian girl who said, "Hi! What's your name, again? It's so difficult to remember your name. I never had a Malay friend before this!" We were 25 years old)

(Oh, and I remember I wrote here about the time I went hiking. And there was a dog. My friend and I didn't mind the dog, bukannya anjing tu kacau orang pun. And the Chinese auntie was like, "You are different. You aren't like the typical Malays." I was stunned by her comment, and I thought, "Well, it shows that you don't have enough Malay friends". Now, I am ashamed and now I understand what she meant by that!)

And why must we judge people?

"Mereka yang pegang anjing tu, belum tentu pernah pegang Al-Quran dan belum tentu pernah mengusap kepala anak yatim."

This upsets me so much! Kenapa sampai sebegitu hina sekali your assumption to those who touch the dogs?

I have a friend from the Borneo, whose parents are the first generation in the family to revert to Islam, and they still have dogs. The dogs live under his kampung house.

How would he feel after reading all of your stupid comments?

And the press photos! Why do they only show photos of Muslim women in their tudungs with the dogs? Weren't there Muslim men as well? Saja je kan nak tunjuk perempuan pakai tudung dengan anjing? Saja je kan nak bagi provokasi?

I'm glad my husband is with me in this case.

And together, we will teach our children, not to be afraid of dogs. Dogs are God's creatures.
Anjing bukannya haiwan yang hina.
Yang menjadi najis itu adalah apabila ia basah.

Buat apa nak lari bila nampak anjing? Kenapa nak tergedik gedik bila nampak anjing? Ada ke mak bapak ajar anak pukul anjing? Kalau dah terkena, tak ada hal, bukannya tak ada cara nak menyucikan!

And, I wrote here before too...About hunting dogs (as quoted from a Facebook friend of mine).

"From Ibn Qayyim- Dogs generally do not have a high status in Islam. Even the saliva of a dog is najis. However, God allows hunting dogs and consumption of animals hunted by the hunting dogs. Obviously, when the hunting dogs catch the prey, the saliva of the dogs will get stuck on the prey. How would this work then?

The difference between the hunting dog (al-mukallib) and the regurlar dog is the ilm of the dog. There are three prerequisites for the dog to be al-mukallib
- when the owner tells the dog to go, it goes
- when the owner tells the dog to stop, it stops
- it doesn't eat from the prey that it catches

The only difference between a dog and a hunting dog (al-mukallib) is the knowledge, and Allah even raises a dog in status because of its knowledge. So, what about human being?

Adapted from a tazkirah by Sh Omar Suleiman."

So, yeah.
As much as I hate all the stupid comments, I also hate that we had to come to this: Create a stupid event when we don't have to in the first place!
Sayangi semua haiwan. Common sense lah weih...
Yes, we have restrictions toward the dogs, tapi tak payah lah besar-besarkan hal kecil macam ni.
I malu lah!
Please don't embarass me...Don't embarass my religion.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Hello, hello!

Setiap kali nak tulis, tiba-tiba jadi busy, or, tiba-tiba takde mood.

And I just recovered from a bad case of diarhhoea and vomiting.
Even vomited in my car and on my bed, I tell you!
Braced the symptoms for 2 days. Came to work on the third day, feeling all weak, and finally decided to see the doctor for a well-deserved MC.
Weighed myself and I am now 44kg!

OMG! Terkejut badak I!

Patutlah semua seluar dah longgar londeh.

When was the last time I weighed this much? When I was 14, maybe. It had always been around 50kg, yo-yoing between 48 to 52kg. And I was happy with that weight. My husband was very happy when I was 52kg.

Badan memang sedap-sedap gebu gebu gitu...Pipi plump and full gitu...(Or maybe because I was firmer due to the fact I was younger at that time?)

44kg tinggal tulang rangka je lah oiiii...Thank you breastfeeding, it's all your fault Baby K...

Kena makan banyak banyak.
But my appetite hasn't fully recovered yet. Lapar, memang lapar. Tapi tak lalu makan...

Oh, well...
The important thing is, thank God it was me who suffered from the infection instead of my baby!

Just now, my staff asked me, "Miss, macam mana nak jadi kurus?"

Me: Breastfeeding.
Staff: Tak ada baby lah...
Me: Anak umur berapa?
Staff: Anak umur 5 tahun.
Me: Haaa...Kena tambah lagi lah tu...
Staff: Tak ada rezeki lah, Miss...Saya dah berpisah dengan suami saya...
Me: Ooohhh...Anak duduk mana?
Staff: Anak duduk dengan suami dekat Kedah.
Me: Haaa...Jauhnya...Bila boleh jumpa?
Staff: Jumpa setahun sekali je...

Oh, sebaknya! Okay, mula-mula tak sebak sebab tak nak emo. But, when I was taking a shower just now, I kept thinking about it and it made me cry...

Like, eh, how come the child is with the husband when the mother carried the child for 9 months and gave birth to the child!

Then again, it is not really my place to judge lah. Perhaps, it is better that way. Susah jadi single mother. Lagi susah bila berjauhan dengan anak. Dah lah anak kecikkkkk lagi...

So, I doakan, agar anak my staff tu sentiasa sayang and hargai mak dia, and grow up to be understanding walaupun dapat jumpa setahun sekali je...

Ah, sedihnya...

Anyway...I tak pernah take as long as this to recover. Usually, 3 hari maksimum. Ni dah nak masuk seminggu, I am still not 100% myself.

Is there a possibility I'm pregnant?

Low. We've used precautions and it's not like we do it regularly (LDR sucks).

I can check...But I'm scared...

I'm scared if I am indeed pregnant. Am I ready?
And I'm also scared if I am not! Because I'd be disappointed. And that's why I've been delaying the pregnancy test...Esoklah okay? Tak ada masa nak pergi pharmacy nak beli the pregnancy kit lah...!

And...I'm also scared if I am pregnant and I might offend my sister who is still not pregnant yet.
We are not very close but I do care and I don't want to hurt her feelings lah okay.
I know she wants a child really bad...
She's been having medical check-ups and stuff...
And as much as I know she shouldn't be stressing too much about it because, alaaaa...Baru 2 tahun kahwin! Relax lah dulu...
But I know she couldn't help but be bothered about it (of course, because I was in her shoes before!)
And...The fact the guy who used to really fancy her and really went after her and really won Mother's heart (but not my sister's) got married and they too just had a beautiful baby and flaunting her on Facebook.
It must be difficult for my sister.

Oh. And last but not least...Bridesmaids...


So, there's this girl who's getting married and she recruited her entourage of bridesmaids...And, I so happen to know that some of her bridesmaids are, well, not worthy to become her bridesmaids.
Because, her bridesmaids don't even like this girl!

They even bad mouthed her bla bla bla...You know, that sort of things...

I didn't have bridesmaids.
Mainly because my wedding was very low-key. And, I don't have too many girlfriends...
My sister was my pengapit.

And I always thought bridesmaids are supposed to be, you know, the bride's BFF, through thick and thin!

Berlakon je semua tu eh? It's just for show?


Ataupun, my other theory is, it's a one-way relationship. The bride thinks they are her BFF, and has no idea what's going on behind her back. But, still, if you're not a hypocrite, just turn down the invitation lah kan...

I'm too old for the drama lah.

And I am never a bridesmaid! Can you believe it? A prove that I live in my own world...

Kesian pulak I rasa diri I ni...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I work with a lot with people. People from the lower class, people from the upper class...Some are really humble and thankful, some are arrogant and tak sedar diri...

There was this one client, who claimed he was poor and unable to afford the bills, so he was funded by Zakat. However, he demanded like he was a paying customer. Of course, my staff denied his requests, then, he made an official complaint, claiming that just because he was poor, he was not respected, he was looked down and the service he received was different.

My staff was so angry. She told me,

"Miss, Miss tau tak apa perasaan saya? Saya rasa macam, setiap bulan saya tolak gaji saya untuk Zakat, tapi duit tu dapat pada orang yang tak guna macam tu. Dia guna duit tu beli rokok. Lepas tu tak bersyukur langsung. Tak sedar diri pakai hasil Zakat."

I pun terkedu bila staff cakap macam tu. My staff don't make a lot of money. Jadi, mestilah ada rasa terkilan bila orang yang menerima Zakat tu langsung tak appreciate.

Sebenarnya, bukan Zakat je. Tax pun sama juga.

Sometimes, I meet people who are well-off but refuse to pay because "I know someone someone." Sometimes, I meet people whose "Father used to be someone someone," then suddenly, we received a call complaining pasal hal yang terlalu remeh temeh eg: "My son doesn't like your canteen food" or "My son finds it boring that you use that curtains."

How do we respond to that when we obviously have better things to do...

I think, it is mandatory for every individual to go through a period of hardship. At least, being taught to live in gratefulness.

I often wonder...I grew up fine, tak adalah kaya sangat, but comfortable. But, my parents never taught me that we can afford things or we are above everyone else. I only knew we lived a comfortable after Father chucked me into a boarding school which opened up my eyes to other types of people.

Then, I went abroad. People always think we would come back arrogant, but I think, I became more humble. I got to experience how to live as a minority, I learned how to shop for second-hands, I didn't have my own car, so I mostly walked, waited for the bus and slept at the airports/ train stations, worked part-time jobs, my education wasn't spoon-fed (like Malaysian style- don't know how it is now) and I think that's where most of my Malaysian friends became side-tracked: nobody monitored your activities, you can skip classes all you want, no attendances, no surprise I sometimes met coursemates I never knew existed on the day of the exams...

People think it was easy for us, but they don't know the different kinds of hardships we had to face.

Jadi, I selalu cannot digest lah kalau ada orang yang tak paham kesusahan orang lain ni. Because people always say, ikut resmi padi, semakin berisi, semakin tunduk.

I understand, once you reach a certain level, you want to use that power to speed things up, for example. But every single time? Come on...I faham kalau you Perdana Menteri ke (ada masalah negara yang perlu diselesaikan stat), tapi kalau setakat VIP sipi sipi tu...Sigh...Lepas tu, dahlah nak cepat, servis tip top, tapi tak nak bayar! OMG!

Ada seorang client ni, dia okay je, tak banyak kerenah. Tapi anak dia yang over tau...Very demanding, and disrespectful. She treated my staff like slaves...Some of the things she demanded, were not even within my staff's job scopes. Lepas tu, cakap kasar. One time, she yelled, "Eh, aku boleh bayarlah! Aku bayar!" Like, please, kalau kurang ajar macam tu, boleh bayar pun kitorang tak hairan. And in the end, dia tak bayar pun!

It's very sad kan?

Paling sedih kalau jumpa orang miskin yang baik hati...Walaupun sedih, they are my favourite clients to work with. They could be inspiring.

Kenapa tah tiba tiba nak tulis pasal ni hari ni.

Mungkin pasal politik kot...I strongly believe a politician should be a successful person who is close to the rakyat. Baru dia boleh paham kan...Tak kisahlah kalau dia anak orang kaya pun, asalkan dia faham there are so many poor people in the society that need help...

Sebenarnya anak I tengah sakit. Kesian sangat. Batuk batuk, lepas tu muntah.

Lepas tu, dia frust sebab tak boleh tidur. He still suckles on me, tapi macam mana nak menyusu kalau hidung tersumbat dengan hingus.

Which leads to lack of sleep and becoming very whiny and clingy and irritable...Kesian sangat...Last last I tak tidur sebab nak letak Vicks dekat hidung dia. Last night, he was awake from 5pm until 2am. Menangis macam kena rasuk hantu...I knew he was sleepy but he couldn't even lie down.

Makan pun kurang, jadi banyak susu badan je. Tak sampai hati nak bagi susu botol kalau hidung tersumbat. Dah dua hari tak kerja. Hopefully he will recover by tomorrow.

And, hopefully he learns to slowly self soothes. Mommy tak larat lah sayang, awak dah big boy, dah 13 bulan dah, it's time to sleep on your own and no more nipple fiddling okay...Malulah!

Cerita anak sakit tak ada kaitan dengan cerita kerja.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Today, my friend had some issues with an airline company regarding her tickets. As she was telling me about it, it reminded me that I too needed to write an official complaint letter.

Anyway, write I did, and just now, I saw a reply in my e-mail. And here I am, too embarrassed and scared to read the e-mail. So, I procrastinate here instead.

I am always like this. Rasa berdebar debar nak baca reply, padahal sendiri yang berkobar kobar mengarang panjang lebar tadi. It's like looking at an important exam results. Nak tengok, taknak tengok, ah, nanti dulu!

I think, my e-mail just now, although sounded upset, was also funny at the same time. I imagined being at the receiving end, I would have chuckled a bit. I thought I was funny, I even called my husband just to tell him that he should read what I wrote once he's home.

Oh, yeah, I am spending one week with my husband, woot woot. Sad part is, he's working late tonight, and blogging it is!

So...Okay, maybe a little peak on what my complaint was about...Basically, I am unhappy because I was seated next to a gentleman on one of my recent flights. They should understand that I am travelling with an infant of below 2 years old and at any time, he would want to nurse. It would make us very uncomfortable if my son demanded for my boobs. Luckily, he was so well-behaved. But still, why can't they put me next to a woman in the first place?


I was talking to a close friend whom I've known since I was 19 years old. I was asking for his opinion since he had been to Japan for a number of times.

Me: Hey, adik you tinggal mana? Boleh tak nak tumpang letak luggage masa kitorang jalan-jalan nanti?
Friend: Boleh. Tapi dia tinggal jauh sikit, dekat University X. It takes one and half hour by train. Go Google it!
Me: Haa??? Let me Google for luggage storage instead!
Friend: Hahaha. You're still the same...

You are still the same.

I don't know what he meant by that. Have I changed so much? Why did he think I am not the same person?

We were very, very tight. I'd like to think we still are, but no, we can't be as close as before. I have a husband and a son.

I thought he would talk to me like we used to. Especially when he's going through big moments. I remember meeting him one day, and I asked, "Amir, bila nak ada girlfriend ni?"

He just laughed and said I should have an Instagram. Our other friend was there, and she was like, "OMG, you and Siti are together?"

I was offended a bit. I'm not a busybody friend, but given our history, yeah, I thought I should be informed about his love life. I don't even know her name! Hello, we had always tell each other about this kind of stuff, now suddenly I am a stranger?

No wonder he thinks I am no longer the same.

I feel like in the ending of How I Met Your Mother, except we were never romantically involved with any of the gang. Haha. Strictly platonic.

Still, isn't it sad that friendships drift away?

I am the type who cherish friendships because I don't have a lot of friends. But, I've gone through so many friendship drift-aways. Don't think I will ever forget all about our good times together. Come on, we practically grow up together!

And that's why I am trying to make my husband and my son my new best friends. I've ran out of friends. Tapi husband I malas nak layan I, and Baby K is still a baby.

Which means, I have a sad, sad life.