Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Sometimes, I meet people and I go like, "That used to be me."

When I meet the bad ones, I am embarassed. Wow, why was I like this before, oh my God!

If I meet the good ones, I would be all missing my previous self. Where are you now, young and fun Ectopy?

I guess, I am old enough to appreciate that people change. I now hate less and I don't mind a lot more now. So much cooler...

Am I a better person now? Well, not necessarily, I can never be perfect.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

People say it's difficult to love your children equally.

But so far, I love both my children equally, just longer for my firstborn (d

When Baby H was born, I gave extra attention to Big Brother K so he wouldn't get jealous or feel left out. I didn't want to scar him like I was scarred when I first received my baby sister.

Thank God, Big Brother K loves his sister. He is always kissing her, I think it's because she's so cute, he can't resist himself. He never tries to hurt Baby H intentionally. Although, sometimes he plays too rough, when he covers her sister with a blanket (playing ghost/ monster/ hide and seek), or puts his butt at his sister's face because he wants to pretend fart Baby H...

Initially, I think I ignored Baby H most of the time. She was just a baby, she didn't react, except when she was hungry and wanting to sleep. Other than that, my time and attention went to Big Brother K.

But now, she is growing up so fast. Independent and cheerful. How can I not love this baby who is not as fussy as her brother, gives in a lot, gentle and has to let her Mother work before she was even 3 months old.

Just now, Baby H was already sleeping and Big Brother K was about to fall asleep when Baby H suddenly cried. Big Brother K quickly joined me to hush her. I nursed Baby H and Big Brother K hugged both of us and stroked Baby H's head, half asleep.

My heart melted.

Big Brother K- so loving and kind.
Baby H- so patient, gentle and cheerful.

Baby H has giggled several times since she turned 3 months old. So far, the only reason she giggles is watching Big Brother K doing something silly.

I pray they would have the best sibling relationship until they die. :)

Friday, July 22, 2016

I don't want to get angry but I am angry. I don't know who should I be angry at.

I'm angry at my maid. She said she would come back. We were so nice, she received a lot of money, renewed her permit, let her go home before her contract ends (she was with us only for a year). I thought we treated her well, out of mercy, because she too have children, and it would be cruel if we forbid her from seeing her children. Mother gave her an android phone, even bought new clothes from her children.

She didn't come back. I am angry because to me, it is pecah amanah. Serve me right, for trusting her too much. We just started to feel comfortable with her. Sure, we let her go bearing the risks. And now, padan muka sendiri lah kan.

Jadi, nak marah diri sendiri ke? Eh, maid yang buat hal, kenapa kena marah diri sendiri pulak. Maid tu yang patut kena marah!

This will be my third year hiring a maid. One for each year. Beribu-ribu each time. Eh, bazir betul lah. Baik I duduk rumah je. Gatal sangat nak kerja. Nak harapkan orang tolong jaga anak kita, tapi sendiri yang sakit hati.

And I was so confident that if we treat people right, Allah akan mudahkan. What does this mean? There's something wrong with the way we treated her? Eee...Geram betullah. I taknak marah diri sendiri, I don't deserve this. But I am so angry!

Sunday, July 17, 2016

We let the helper go back to Indonesia for 2 weeks.

She was due to come back yesterday. She didn't show up.

We trusted her. She received so much incentives. It is her loss if she didn't come back. But why can't she let us know?

My heart is still praying for a miracle.

When we called the Indonesian number, a lady answered.
"Saya tak kenal sama dia...Saya jumpa telefon ini, tadi ada kecelakaan, jadi saya ambil telefon ini."

Accident --> missed flight
Lost phone, perhaps even Passport and permit card.
No cash to buy a new ticket.
No phone to contact us.
Did not jot down our numbers.

Where are you, Bibik!

If the accident was true, I hope she is fine and not dying or something.

But, if she made things up, I hope she's in hell.

The worrying part is: I don't want to burden Mother.

We don't care about finding the a new maid. Duit boleh dicari. Bibik is replaceable. In the meantime ni macam mana?

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Selamat Hari Raya!

Truthfully, I've been trying to search for a proper baju raya this year, but to no avail. Tak ada yang berkenan dan yang paling penting, kena breastfeeding friendly.

So, no baju raya for me this year.

Yesterday was the day I packed my baju for 7 days, including for Baby K and Baby H, in the span of 2 hours. I simply rummaged my wardrobe for old baju kurung. I really do have some nice ones that I haven't been wearing for some time.

But, today morning, when I tried one on, I can only zip it up halfway! Oh, my God...Mommy has gone fat! My husband laughed at me...I also wasn't expecting I was that skinny before...I mean, I think I am not so fat for someone who just gave birth 4 months ago, second pregnancy body some more, right?

So, my little family has no theme colour, whatever...

I'll be wearing the same handbags and shoes for the next 6 days, how boring...This is the downside of celebrating not in your hometown.

Nevertheless, I am blessed, Alhamdulillah. No baju raya, but my husband bought a new phone for me. Also, new cars for me, him and his company. Most importantly, a new baby! Great health and family...

I am even more grateful when I met a father, whose wife is sick, and has to take care of his 7 children, the youngest is a Down's Syndrome baby, by doing odd jobs.

And, when someone told me about an Indonesian father, whose kid was ill and did not survive. The father couldn't afford the van jenazah, so he carried his dead kid from the hospital on his motorcycle, for a couple of hours before reaching home.

And the Masjid Nabawi incident...

I am crying as I am typing this.
I wish I could help them all...

I couldn't stop thinking about them, that's why I write, despite this post should be about the joyful Eid.

Again, Selamat Hari Raya! I truly ask for your forgiveness kalau I ada silap and salah...I'm always scared if I sound boastful, or, konon baik sangat in my writing. Seriously, I am not. But if you think I do, sorry sangat-sangat, I don't mean to...Sila jangan menyampah dengan I, hehe.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

I was at Mothercare when a gown on display caught my attention. I couldn't find it on the racks, so I asked the salesgirl for help.

It was just a simple polka dot gown, with scenery of London cartoons at the hem.

The salesgirl found it, I was happy, but then she said, "Kak, baju ni ada gambar anjing," as she pointed at the 3cm cartoon picture.

I...I didn't know how to react to that.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I put it back. But, when she was not looking, I grabbed it again and brought it to my husband, haha.

"Abang! Orang tu bagi warning baju ni ada gambar anjing. Sejak bila tak boleh pakai baju gambar anjing?"

I dulu-dulu pakai je baju Snoopy, tak ada masalah pun, gambar besar pula tu. And those people who wear Hush Puppies...

Well, Malay people nowadays...We all should stop to overanalyze little little things like this... (-___-")
Yesterday, I interviewed a client with a rare illness. Most people fail to understand the illness, because it is a type of sleep disorder.

Oh, my, I felt like giving him a hug.

He told me how he prefers to be lonely, because when he's around people, he has to bear listening to the accusations of him simply being lazy and kuat tidur, despite him explaining that he has a disease. Even his marriage fails.

All I could say is, "Maaf."

"Maaf," to me, sounds so fake. It's more natural to say, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce."

Since the interview was conducted in Malay, I said, "Maaf." Couldn't find other words to console him.

He was pleasant and coorperative though, enthusiastic to answer my questions even, as if he was happy that I was trying to understand his life.

Driving back home, I almost cried. I feel so lucky to be blessed with health. That man must be special, because he was chosen by God to endure it. Even listening to his experience is depressing.

It also make me realize, not to quickly judge a person. A lazy, sleepy man, might appear to be one, because he has an actual debilitating medical condition.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Someone told me:

When you see dead children, they don't look lifeless. They look like they are sleeping. So peaceful. But then, you see their parents crying.


Saturday, June 18, 2016

When my daughter was born, my niece looked at her little feet and said, "Kaki baby ni macam udang!"

Udang?!

After a while, I understood what she meant: udang kering. Small, curled up, wrinkly and pink. She was referring to her little toes.

Haha. The reference that she made!

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Both children are sleeping.
My firstborn is still in recovery state, he had high fever and suffered the third episode of febrile fit. I am praying the baby won't get infected.

The febrile fit occured when we balik kampung. It was the first time my husband witnessed it.

My MIL said she used to put a spoon inside my husband's mouth everytime he had a seizure. I was like, "Laaa!!! Genetic rupanya!"

At first, I was a little bit angry. My husband took my son a day earlier to kampung. He told me my son was feverish. I asked him to give him Panadol. But my husband said my son was crying, so he didn't serve the medicine to him.

But, I refrained myself from talking about it. I know my husband must had felt equally bad. Besides, he has been wonderful. My son is two and half years old and my husband has been bringing him balik kampung for a couple of times without me. I know there are not many men who can do that. Even Father and my brothers won't be able to do it.

Anyway, yesterday, my husband asked me, what do I wish for my birthday.

Surprised, I told him I hadn't thought about it yet because my birthday is in June. Then, he made me realize that now is already end of May.

I think that it's sweet of him to remember, unlike me who has forgotten many things. I haven't even given him anything for his birthday this year, not yet.

The truth is, I didn't expect anything. He just bought a new car, which he claims to be an early anniversary gift (actually, we bought a new car just because our family is expanding). I also treated it as a 'Thank you for giving birth to our daughter' gift. Haha.

I told him that I wanted a ring, or a necklace. But, I think he is buying me a watch. He bought a new watch and he thinks I should get a matching one. I told him, I prefer Omega, but he said the men's designs from Omega are not nice.

But, to me, the watch would be an expensive gift. A ring would be cheaper. Tak payahlah membazir...Haha, I ni, perasan je nak dapat jam, entah-entah tak dapat pun, ataupun dapat benda lain...

I also told him about the Diorama bag. Saw someone carrying it and quickly showed it to him. But the bag is absolutely, purely a 'want' item. I still have bags I haven't used yet in the wardrobe!

Anyway, whatever it is, I am currently content with my life. It's not perfect, but I am good. As long as I have this family, I am happy.

Nah, belanja gambar. I tak reti rotate gambar pakai phone, sorry.