i dont

First and foremost, thank you for the comments, sorry I couldn't reply them individually, nor could I pay a visit to your blogs, as you know, I am having some problems with the Internet. What I can tell is, they are very much appreciated.

So, there is this guy, who expressed his interest in me since a year or more ago. We started off as distant friends because I am attached and he is not that interesting to me.

One day, due to some circumstances, I decided to change my contact numbers. I only gave my new numbers to the people who are significant in my life, you know how sometimes we store numbers we never bother to dial or numbers we wish we never got, well, that's why only a handful selected people know my new number.

However, this guy, let say his name is Amin, e-mailed and even searched on Facebook because he wanted my number. Because he asked me personally, I gave him my new number.

One morning, I received a call and it was him at the end of the line. He asked me how was I doing, he asked me about my job and he told me how I disappeared. About five minutes into the conversation, he asked, "Bila you nak kahwin dengan I? Kahwinlah dengan I..."

"Huh!" Truthfully, I was surprised by the sudden proposal. Sure, he had jokingly asked my hand in marriage many times before, but I wasn't expecting this since I warned him to stop and he had not been doing it in a while. Besides, I just woke up from my slumber.

"Tak kot..." I gave my answer, loud, clear and firm.

Did I mention this guy is twice my age! This is crazy.

Amin: So, bila you nak kahwin?
Me: Belum ada plan...
Amin: What happened to your boyfriend?
Me: We are still together, we are happy.
Amin: Habis tu? Dulu cakap nak tunang?
Me: Memang pun, tapi tunggu dulu, kumpul duit. Semuanya masih tengah discuss.
Amin: Cakap dengan dia, cepat-cepatlah masuk meminang. Kalau dia tanak, I nak. I bukan setakat saja boleh bagi you berapa banyak dulang hantaran, I bagi you 9 trolley hantaran!

Tipulah kalau I cakap I tak suka. I dapat bahan for my own amusement. And, no surprise, the next person I called is my boyfriend, just to make him threatened.

Come to think of it, I should've just agreed to marry him. Let him come to my house and let Father and Mother be shocked to see a guy who can be as old as my father, is my future husband.

That situation will surely put my boyfriend as the best candidate by comparison.

"Ma setujulah dengan boyfriend kamu, janganlah kamu kahwin dengan si tua tu! Kus, lemah semangat Ma!"

Haha.







Sekarang ni, musim kahwin and musim tunang.

I have two true stories.

1)
A couple was married without duit hantaran, just mas kahwin. Why? Because the bride's family is very wealthy, they didn't need the extra money, they can afford everything that was involved in that wedding. Noble people...

2)
A father thought the man his daughter was going to marry is no match to her. He instructed him to provide an expensive duit hantaran. The man worked hard to grant the father's wish. On the wedding day, the father's heart softened after seeing his happy daughter and his new son-in-law, he returned half of the duit hantaran back to the son-in-law.







I used to think giving Quran as hantaran is cool. It is, afterall, The Holy Book and it is perfect to signify the day you embark the new journey as a humble wife. But from my observation, I've changed my mind. To me, the Quran is too sacred to be placed on a decorative pray, where sometimes ignorant people accidentally step over it or kick it. Besides, you have to make sure you have your wudhu' everytime you want to touch it.

From my basic knowledge, even when you are reading the Quran, the best place thing to do is to raise the Book above your belly button as a sign of respect. So, I prefer if the Quran is not a part of my hantaran. I like telekung better. :)

kahwin kahwin

Makcik and auntie had a conversation. They wanted to matchmake me with a doctor.

"Doktor tu in his thirties, anak Dato', masa lapang suka tanam cendawan," said one of them trying to promote him to me.

I didn't look very impressed.

"Dia tanam cendawan tu bagus...Buat business...Maksudnya di situ, dia tak suka buang masa. Ada je benda dia nak buat. Bagus lah tu!" auntie said.

Makcik was trying to be funny, "Patutlah agaknya dia single lagi. Orang lain, masa lapang, cari girlfriend. Dia tanam cendawan. Entah-entah muka pun macam cendawan!" she chuckled away.

"Mom, there must be something wrong with that doctor," in the car, I told Mother what I thought.

I continued giving her my reasons, "Ma tahu tak, doktor laki ni banyak yang lembut-lembut. I rasa, mesti dia jenis lembut punya!"

"Ma tak pernah pun jumpa doktor yang lembut-lembut..." Mother tried to defend that stranger.

"Ma, dia tu doktor, bujang pula tu. Kalau dia tu bagus sangat, confirm dah ramai nurse grab dia awal-awal...Mesti ada something wrong! Dahlah hobi tanam cendawan! Tak cool langsung! Lembut, I rasa dia lembut."

"Alah, maybe dulu dia lembut, sekarang dah berubah kot..."

"Taknaklah! Nanti orang cakap, 'Eh, dulu aku ingat kau suka lelaki, akhirnya kau kahwin juga dengan perempuan...'" I laughed. No way I'm going to marry a guy with such history.

Of course, I wanted my boyfriend to hear about this. He must know that I'm hot on the market and I am not securely his. I have many 'eligible' suitors ready for me. Haha.





Makcik: Mengikut pengalaman kita kan, bila difikir-fikirkan balik, pilihan orang tualah yang paling bagus sekali. Kan?
Auntie: Eh, tak juga, cuba tengok Faridah* dengan Farid* tu. Keluarga juga yang pasang-pasangkan, tapi bercerai juga...

I agree, auntie!






Father thinks the reason I am with my current boyfriend is because I have no other option, ie: noone else is interested because of my attitude: "Kasar sangat, tak pernah berlemah lembut, laki pun lari..."

This is who I am, a lady with many flaws, and I am with a guy who loves me the way I am.

I am happy, shouldn't Father be happy for me too?

gathered info over last few weeks

A few days ago in the news: Unmarried woman and baby found dead on campus believed to be due to blood loss while giving birth.

I have seen women giving birth. Although I haven't experienced it myself, but to watch the process is already a sore. I also have a couple of friends who had to go into labour with strangers, without their husbands or parents by their sides, so I pretty much know how sad and painful it is to go through such beautiful significant moments in your life all by yourself.

Woman A: Kasihan dia...Cuba bayangkan lahirkan anak sorang-sorang dalam bilik, tak ada siapa pun tahu...(Sigh) Tak apa, at least dapat masuk syurga...
Woman B: Baby tu memanglah dapat masuk syurga, mak dia tu?
Woman A: Mak dia pun dapat masuk syurgalah juga. Mati masa beranak kan dikira jihad kecil.
Woman B: Ye ke?
Woman A: Ye lah. Tuhan nak ampunkan dosa dia. Sebab tu Tuhan ambil nyawa dia masa tengah beranak. Masa tu kan semua dosa dia Tuhan dah maafkan...

How lucky she is...Her taubat must have been accepted...

On another occasion, I overheard a boy crying, "But mom, it is not fair!"
The mother then pulled her son's hand and said to him, "Well, life is not fair, get used to it!"
The boy was about 5 years old.






A guy who is into fashion loves to make small talk with the salespeople.

Guy: Saya kalau boleh, dah tak nak pakai jeans Replay. Tapi bila saya tengok jeans lain, contohnya, jeans 7 for all Mankind, harap je mahal, tapi tak cantik macam barang Italy. US nak lawan Italy, US mana boleh menang! Kecuali jeans True Religion, itu memang cantik gila...

Salesperson: Kenapa you dah tak suka Replay?

Guy: Banyak sangat tiruan. Saya tengok mat rempit pun dah pakai Replay, Paul Smith...Kita yang biasa pakai ni, bolehlah kenal yang tiruan ke tak. Tapi orang lain tak tahu...

Salesperson: Betul. Replay punya sales pun dah banyak turun. Especially since recession ni. Tapi Malaysia, okay lagi sebab Singapore punya butik pun dah tutup. Jadi, orang Singapore pun datang Malaysia juga. Sekarang memang banyak orang tiru, ramai dah kena tipu. Orang beli dekat internet lah, tak boleh percaya semua tu. Kalau nak betul-betul real, datang sendiri ke butik.

Guy: Betul. Saya tengok LV pun, ramainya orang pakai...Kasut LV boleh dapat RM100 dekat Thailand tu...

Salesperson: Saya tengok LV sekarang, saya tak fikir Louis Vuitton dah, saya fikir Lost Vision. Hahaha...

Guy: Jahat betul orang China ni. Dioranglah yang banyak buat barang tiruan ni!

Salesperson: Jahat, memang jahat. Tapi kalau T-shirt biasa, saya pilih yang Made In China. Memang kalau orang tengok, cikainya Made In China. Tapi saya rasa, cotton China memang bersesuaian dengan kulit saya. Kalau saya pakai cotton Made In negara lain, tak sedaplah. Sebab orang China memang tahu cuaca Asia macam mana...T-shirt cotton memang saya cari Made In China. Yang lain, saya ban!





My boyfriend spent one whole day at Ducati showroom. He is in love with Desmosedici.

Boyfriend: You tahu, salesman tu cakap, harga dia RM600,000. Dah ada 2 orang beli dari dia. Dua-dua orang melayu...
Me: Ooohhh...Kayanya...Orang tua ke muda?
Boyfriend: Sorang tu dah tua...Dia tak beli number plate pun...Motor ni tak boleh bawa jalan, sayang, orang buat simpan dekat rumah je...
Me: Huh? Kalau macam tu, baik tak payah beli...Buat apa kalau tak boleh guna!
Boyfriend: Tak, sayang, maintenance dia tinggi...
Me: Ah, I tak kesah, kalau you beli motor, I nak naik juga!
Boyfriend: Hahaha, baiklah, sayang...Salesman tu cakap, orang tu siap bayar in cash...
Me: Kayanya orang tu...Kalau I tahu siapa, confirm I tinggalkan you....Dapat anak dia pun, jadilah...
Boyfriend: You tu memang mata duitan!
Me: (Laughs)

Current mission: Merempit to find that rich guy who paid in cash for a Desmosedici. Haha.

berterabur

I am home. It's difficult to connect with the cyberworld here in this house.

My niece who is 10 wears hijab to school now.

Me: Sejak bila?
Niece: Sejak awal tahun ni.
Me: Kenapa?
Niece: Dipaksa. Cikgu suruh.
Me: Kalau tak pakai?
Niece: Cikgu marah. Kita cuma tak pakai waktu sukan.
Me: Cikgu ke ustazah yang paksa?
Niece: Ustazah, guru agama.
Me: Ustazah garang ke?
Niece: Garang. Ada budak tak pakai, asyik kena perli dengan ustazah.

Me: Cakap dengan ustazah, ustazah mana boleh garang-garang!
Niece: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab ustazah tu guru agama. Kalau nak mengajar kena secara lemah lembut. Tak boleh paksa paksa orang.

I strongly think a teacher should teach the students by example. Kalau nak mengajar, biar secara berhemah dan berhikmah. Apa guna bertudung kalau perangai suka marah dan perli pelajar sendiri?




Still on the matter, it seems like beginning next year, JPA scholars will be chosen entirely on merits, meaning only the best students will get the opportunity.

I object.

Some students are late bloomers.
Some students could not afford tuition classes.
A good student doesn't necessarily need to score all As, some have talents in extra curicular activities.
Etc.

There are many other8 reasons to be considered when choosing the best candidates, not just what is presented on paper.




I know a lady, who, for some reason, received two MARA offers and one JPA offer to sponsor her to study the same course.
She was in a dilemma, of course. So, she consulter her mom. Her mom helped her to scratch one offer off and now, it was between one MARA offer and one JPA offer.
Her dad, without hesitation, pushed her to take the JPA offer.
Her dad said, "Reject the MARA offer, so other poor Malays could make use of it. Don't waste the placement by JPA. Kita kena tolong bangsa kita, jangan jadi tamak."




Sorry for the jumbled up post, I've been thinking all sorts of things to be written here. I'd be more organized if the Internet is more accessible.

It looks like Mother has given me green light to be with my boyfriend. After three long years of patience, something is actually progressing.

1.
Mother: Kamu dengan dia macam mana?
Me: We are good.
Mother: Dah fikir masak-masak? Nanti tersilap pilih.
Me: Sudah. Kesian dia. Dulu, dia nak bawa family datang rumah, mak tak bagi...
Mother: Mak bukan tak bagi. Mak cakap, nanti dulu...

2.
Mother: Kenapa tak ajak dia masuk rumah? Ajaklah dia makan dekat rumah sekali sekala.
Me: Alah, kalau dia masuk rumah pun, bukan ada orang layan dia.
Mother: Macam kamu tak tahu perangai your father. Dia memang macam tu, tak berapa nak layan orang sangat...

3.
Mother: Kamu tu, kalau jumpa orang, senyum-senyumlah sikit.
Me: Memang selalu senyum pun.
Mother: Kamu pandai-pandailah pujuk, cakap, "Mak ayah saya dah tua, nanti dia sakit, saya kena jaga. Kena tinggal dekat-dekat sini..."
Me: (Laughs) Memang tinggal dekat sini pun nanti!

4.
Mother: (Flips through my forms) Sejak bila kamu ada tunang?
Me: (Laughs) Senang nak dapat kerja kalau mengaku ada tunang. Kalau tak, dia hantar jauh-jauh. Alah, kawan-kawan pun tipu ada tunang juga!

cukuplah.

A part of me, likes it if my boyfriend stays at where he grew up. Everything is simple and modest and I want to raise my children in that kind of environment:

In a neighbourhood where you learn how to handle the jenazah since you were hardly a teenager, where gotong royong is still widely practised, where young boys and their friends go to the mosque and are trained to become Imam and Bilal, where you are surrounded by humble lives that make you hugely grateful even though you are not that rich, where little children get excited over a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, where nobody cares what brand of clothes and handbags you are wearing because they have never even heard about it, let alone know how to pronounce it.

I'd like to live there too. Helping out people. Giving out money instead of getting too caught up with work because whatever you have is never enough for you. Presently, we simply have to have more, don't we?

I'm glad that I've experienced both worlds of near extremes.

I know many people who never ride a plane before, people who got excited because it was their first time being on LRT, people whose dream is to go to Sunway Pyramid and buy something from that shopping mall.

Most of these people are nice, hardworking kind. The type who always have a dictionary in one hand, and whenever they watch an English drama, they would pause at certain times to search for the foreign word they've just heard in the dictionary for its translation, and then continue to enjoy the show.

The kind who swaps telur bistik for telur dadar because telur bistik is quite expensive for them.

The other extreme? Family owns a helicopter and bought 7 LV bags at one go.

When you put the two types of people side by side and I ask you, "Who is the more successful?" What will your immediate response be?

In my opinion, a success is a success and cannot be measured by how much you make every month. How shallow can you be if you judge the degree of a success by looking at the brand of the car one is driving.

Sometimes, I just want to tell these young people, "Walaupun kita miskin, tak semestinya kita tak boleh berjaya dan kita bukan orang berjaya."

Some people choose to live humbly like the Prophet. Right now, I choose to be just comfortable.

(Right now lah, in a few hours, I might change my mind and I want to be rich again. Haha. Nafsu.)

under one roof.

Sometime last week, Father made me cry and then he cried as well.

After that, he accused Mother for being such a 'lalang' because sometimes she is on my side, sometimes she is on Father's.

My sister received a scolding too because she defended me during the ordeal.

So, there we were in a room, parents and daughters crying.

In the end, I left the place just to avoid further arguing and I didn't want to listen to the hurtful words coming out from Father's mouth, most of them were inaccurate anyway.

I walked and walked untul I saw a bakery shop and asked for a hot chocolate and a pastry to accompany me on a cold night. I thought of how my life will be doomed forever because Father had labeled me as anak derhaka. I came to accept that I will suffer in this life, tapi tak apalah, biar Tuhan balas anak derhaka ni dekat dunia, rather than He saves the punishment masa akhirat.

A text message from Mother was received, "Kamu dekat mana? Baliklah cepat. Jangan ikutkan hati yang marah. Baliklah. Lepas tu, minta maaf walaupun kita tak bersalah." I arrived back half an hour later, took a long shower and cried until I fell asleep.

I was supposed to move in with my parents but after that incident, I am determined to avoid home as much as possible.

Mother knew as I told her the day after.

My reason is simple: We can't live under the same roof. We'll end up fighting, as always.

That's why whenever I call home, I only talk to Mother.

Mother tried to coax me, "You know how your Father is. Takkan tak kenal lagi perangai dia...Dengan Abang kamu pun dia selalu bising, tapi Abang kamu senyap saja, buat tak tahu."

"Ma, mana boleh semua anak-anak Ma perangai sama. Salah seorangnya mesti kena berani bersuara!" And in this family, I am the condemned one, the black sheep, the rebel, the one who is brave enough to stand up for myself.

"Abang kamu pun kadang-kadang bersuara juga. Kadang-kadang dia tak ikut juga kata bapa kamu," Mother said.

We spent a few days later unusually quiet.

I asked my sister to be the middle man but she also gave up. "Biarlah dia. Bila dia tahu dia silap, nanti dia senyaplah," my sister smiled.

ponder.

My friend and I were talking about this other guy who always invite my friend and his friends to solat jemaah. Somehow, they find it annoying.

One day, my friend confronted him and told him, "Hey, I am not that kind who solat jemaah. I pray, but I just don't solat jemaah, okay?"

After numerous rejected persistency, this guy decided to go to the mosque to achieve his desirable solat jemaah.

But, he has a problem with the car pulak dah...

So, my friend said, "Nak buat baik memanglah banyak dugaan. Kalau sabar, baru dapat pahala lebih-lebih lagi!"

Eh, yeke? I thought nak buat baik lah paling senang...

I asked my boyfriend, "Do you love me? Even though I'm ordinary? Even though I'm an average person?"

He answered 'Yes' to all questions.

"Even though I cantik biasa-biasa? Pandai biasa-biasa? Baik biasa-biasa? Alim biasa-biasa? Masak biasa-biasa? Kaya biasa-biasa? There's really nothing special about me, nothing extraordinary...I'm not the best in anything and I don't standout."

Truthfully, I was feeling intimidated and inferior because I am really a biasa-biasa person. I know so many other people who have better lives than me, who I thought are way more perfect than I am.

My boyfriend told me something I needed to hear, "Sayang, semua tu hak Allah."

I felt a lot better after hearing his elaboration on that. Yes, all the things that sometimes we are proud of, even our parents, husbands, wives and children, they all belong to God and to God everything and everyone is returned to.

Tak apalah walau jadi an average Jane pun.

the guidebook

My boyfriend was in Kelantan when nature called and he desperately needed to find the loo. The nearest loo he could think of was the hotel and he rushed there to dump his faeces.

Haha. Pergi hotel semata-mata nak berak.

Anyway, to enjoy his relief, he hung out at the lobby reading the newspaper. He saw an elderly white couple and he quickly said 'Hi'. (My boyfriend is very friendly and he could strike a conversation to just about anybody. I think I wrote before how he sent a couple of Germans he met on the plane to their hotel, just because...).

So, it turned out, the couple were from the Netherland and they were on a holiday. They were stopping in Kota Bharu for a few days before heading to Pulau Perhentian.

The lady asked my boyfriend, "Should I cover my hair when going around the city (of Kota Bharu)?"

"No...Where did you get the idea?"

The lady pointed her finger to the guidebook she was holding, "I read somewhere that I should."

Haha! Kitab mano mu baco nih!

hello.

Hello. I've been busy. Busy and happy and grateful. Hence the absence from this blog.

There are so many things I wish I could share here, but I can't. There is nothing major, though.

I am actually in the mood to write but there's nothing particular in my mind right now.

Let me think...

Aha.

1.

I asked my niece whether she wants to study in England when she grows up. She rejected the idea. The reason being, "Ada selsema babi. Takutlah!" Laaa...

2.

I complained to my boyfriend that I owe God about 10 days of puasa nazar and I don't think I can complete it soon.

My boyfriend said, "Lain kali, ubahlah niat tu...Buat makan-makan untuk orang miskin ke..."

I thought about it for a while before concluding, "Mana I nak cari orang miskin? Sini tak ada, dekat kampung you banyaklah!"

And I'm glad he takes the advantage to do charity work every now and then in his hometown.

3.

Last week, I received the most flattering and sincerest compliment from a trusted friend regarding on my voice and looks. I thought about this for days before realizing how vain I am. Why did I get excited about something physical which will fade over time? I refuse to let myself be shallow!

4.

My friend told me about his married friend, B, who is having an affair with a married woman. B thinks it's not an affair.

Me: If it's not an affair, why does he have to make it a secret?

Friend: Good point.

The woman he is seeing, is his ex-girlfriend, now with two kids. The affair extends up to the point where the woman tells him where she will be for her family outing. B would be waiting in the same mall. The woman would then excuse herself from her family (basically, lying to her husband, leaving him with the two kids) to go to the loo but in the matter of fact, she makes a detour to see B.

The meetings usually last only for a few minutes.

To make matters worse, the woman claims that she's not happy with her marriage and B only recently got married. And the few-minute-meeting has now been upgraded to a lunch date.

Me: I feel sorry for B's wife. Bayangkanlah, baru setahun kahwin, husband pergi ada affair. I don't like this. I'm scared.

Friend: This is now very common in Malaysia, don't you know?

Me: I know. But that doesn't make it right. In that case, I'd rather belong to the uncommon group. Berdosa besar tau kalau tipu suami.

Friend: But B said it's nothing. They just talk.

Me: Sekarang ni, talk only lah. Lama-lama nanti...

Friend: That's what I told him. Get yourself out of this mess before it even starts.

Me: I know lah we don't ask for things like this to happen, but I am scared...I am scared that I'll become like that one day...You never know kan? Minta-minta dijauhkan...

Friend: Hmm...

Me: And we know I have the potential to become like that...

Friend: Yes, you do have the potential. Career kita ni memang ada huge risk not to survive marriage, especially when you are not with somebody who doesn't understand your work. I remember my mom's friend who got divorced because the guy said she didn't spend enough time with her family. Soon afterwards, she married her colleague.

Me: I don't like this kind of stories. Tukar topik lah!

5.

Where are all the good blogs out there? You are my inspirations to write, so don't go missing!

remember

Money issue hadn't resolved yet.

According to him, it's not so much about the amount of money (because, during the conversation, I told him: Eh, I thought you don't mind about your moolah), what bug him the most are

- why me? The same thing over and over again!

- I'm so nice to other people, I don't deserve this

- he is a friend that I've known for so long, I trusted him

- what's wrong with me, even your parents are against me (I'm sure you know how sometimes when you feel the world is out to get you, you start to list all the bad things that are going on in your life)

I knew he just wanted to talk and he didn't need a lecture from me so I lent him my ears. After he calmed down, we hung up. I, then, typed a super long SMS, to remind both him and I, and I hope it would remind some of you as well.

Challenges come in many forms and one thing we can do to face them is by staying positive and patient about it.

Lets admit it, in our lifetime, we have committed many sins, intentionally or not. So, why don't we treat the unfortunate things that come in our ways as punishments or challenges from God.

1) As a punishment.

I know sometimes, we question, "Why me? I'm better than him, but why doesn't he get punished?"

Dear, how would you know he doesn't have his own sets of problems? He might be like you as well, who keeps everything inside because we refuse to let others see our weaknesses.

Be glad that God chooses to punish you now. God makes life difficult now because he wants to ease our lives afterwards. Have faith in God is fair, and those who have not yet received their punishments, theirs are waiting in Hell. If you were to have the options, wouldn't you rather be sentenced this way than be burnt?

So, don't think that being kind is not worth it. It always is.

And if you are really sincere in the things that you do, you shouldn't expect any kinds of rewards from anybody, even from God.

2) As a challenge.

I think we all know the same old, same old reasonings behind this. We have to face the challenge because God wants to know whether we would still love Him even when we are at difficult times in our lives. Be patient and by having the experience of overcoming challenges in our lives, we will become better people, the experiences will aid us in manouvering our lives in the future bla bla bla, I think I wouldn't bore you guys by elaborating more in this topic.

The core is: The better a person is, the more challenges he get. Tengok Firaun yang kejam tu, tak pernah sakit pun...

3) I also told him the stories I read in keretamayat.com under the title Apa itu tasauf? (Part 2):

One part of the post is about a man who had a worker. When the worker decided to quit, he didn't take his last pay. The man used the money to invest in a business and the business boomed. One day, the worker came to him to claim his salary, so the man gave the money and all the profits from the business and the worker left him with nothing. The man remained redha with the situation and because of that, God helped him when he was stuck in a cave with two other men.

Redha (acceptance).

4) Sometimes, we forget that as unfortunate as we think we are, there are other people who are way more unfortunate than us. But they don't whine about it, so why should us?

Let me tell you a true story about me.

In college and university, I had failed several papers. Early on (when I first got the results), I felt stupid and I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve that because I always attended classes unlike some of my classmates who skipped classes but still passed. After a while, I began to accept it and as the day of repeat exam was approaching, a friend and I (who had to repeat the exam as well) decided to practice for the exam together.

Just by watching her, you'd know she worked hard, you could see the amount of written notes she had (unlike me, I prefer to read what's available and do nothing extra- No wonder I was not an excellent student, haha). During that session, I told her that sometimes I felt like quitting the course because I wasn't prepared with the amount of work we had to do, nobody told me what to expect before entering the programme. (Actually, there were people who told me about it but they never sat me down and told me seriously into my eyes. Perhaps, they didn't want to dampen my spirits) She, on the other hands, said she never felt like quitting because that was her interest and she was still interested in becoming a and she kept telling herself that nobody would care about our results once we enter the professional world.

So, on the day of the exam, a handful of us sat for the exams. We, much or less received our results on the same day (not the marks, but we knew whether we passed or failed) and I passed but she did not.

I quickly left the waiting area together with the few other guys who passed the exam because we wanted to give some privacy to those who didn't to talk personally to the examniers. As I was walking with another candidate, he said something like, "Poor Jennifer, she looked like she studied hard for the paper..."

I cannot imagine being in her shoes.

On a happy note, during those occasional repeat exams I had sat, I even managed to get the highest mark a repeat exam could get. (We were not allowed to get Honours on repeat exams). To soothe my heart, I told myself that if it was not a repeat exam, I would have scored and beat others. Too bad I screwed up the first one. And mind you, it's not easy to study for repeat exams because the exams are usually not isolated from the usual papers we had to take every semester. So, instead of studying for, lets say, 4 papers, we had to study 5 papers or 6 papers (depending on how many subjects you had failed previously)

5) Sometimes, we just cannot control everything in our life. No matter how organized we are, no matter how much effort we have put in the planning, sometimes we just can't make things go as we like, because the world does not only revolve around us, it depends on other external factors too, external factors that we cannot control.

Therefore, if sometimes we feel like we had done everything correctly, we had done our best, but things still fail to go accordingly, we just have to tell ourselves that: Things happen.

And 'Things happen for a reason.'

Don't dwell ourselves too much into our problems. Look forward, let the past be the teacher, and live in the present. Hold your head high but keep your feet on the ground. Aim for the stars, if the stars are out of reach, at least you'd land yourself on the moon.

And for that, my boyfriend thanked me and issues are finally let go.