Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Here's the chronology:

When I first found out about the I Want to Touch a Dog event, first thing that came to my mind:
What a stupid event! Why do we even need such event! I am not scared of the dogs. I love the dogs. I know what to do if I accidentally touch a wet dog. Dogs are nice like cats.
Why do we need an event specifically to touch a dog? How stupidddd...
Why so jakun one?!!!

Then, event happened. Read the stupid comments.
Here's what I think:
The dog issue has been blown out of proportion.
Only in Malaysia.

"Haram sebab pegang anjing saja-saja."

What do you mean pegang saja-saja? The event was created to promote awareness. Tolonglah jangan pendek akal. The event was created to kill the stigma among non-Muslims have toward the Muslims. They think we are dangerous, we are terrorists, we hate the dogs!

Well, you know what? Islam doesn't hate the dogs. We love and respect all animals. We just can't touch them as freely as we want.

And you know what I hate even more?

That we needed to create an event just to prove this!

Arrgghhh!!! Tarik rambut...!

"Posing with the dogs is like posing with your own shit. Because dogs are najis. Would you like to peluk cium najis sendiri?"

OMG, no wonder we just had to organize an event like that!
Because of this kind of mentality lah.

I still can't believe this is happening in Malaysia.

When I was young, Father used to bring us visit his friends, the non-Muslims, and some of them had dogs. The dogs were their pets. When we arrived, sometimes, the dogs were running freely, but they would quickly restrain them and let us into the houses.
We respected each other.

My uncle and aunt have many cats. There were dogs in the neighbourhood. My uncle and aunt feed them sebab kesian. The dogs end up guarding the house for them. My uncle and aunt doesn't let the dogs inside the house compound, but the dogs think they are their masters. Some people call animal control to catch/ shoot the stray dogs. But my uncle wouldn't let them. He even paid the animal control people to not shoot the dogs!

I thought it was normal. Aren't those things normal to you, as well?
Apparently, not, sampai kena buat event besar-besaran gitu...

You kata, you live in the city. Takkan kawan you semua Muslim? You tak ada non-Muslim friends?

You kata, you live in the kampung. Orang dekat kampung kan are usually lebih mesra and neighbourly. Kampung you tak ada non-Muslims yang bela anjing ke?

Then, I went overseas and most of the dogs are very well-behaved (they are very smart indeed). No problem there. Tak pernah pulak ada complaint, there are too many dogs in the park, therefore, I won't sit on the grass. Tak pernah pulak, saya tak mau pergi rumah orang putih tu sebab rumah dia ada anjing, dia makan babi, rumah dia ada simpan arak. Pandai pulak dekat negara orang, duduk senyap senyap.

I don't understand us, Malaysians. Why are we okay with the dogs when we are overseas, but not okay with the dogs when we are in our own country? Because we like to show who's the boss?

And we always pride ourselves for the fact we live "dalam masyarakat majmuk". Tapi kenapa tak ada toleransi? Majmuk apa ni kalau some individuals don't even have friends from other races!
(True story. I once met an Indian girl who said, "Hi! What's your name, again? It's so difficult to remember your name. I never had a Malay friend before this!" We were 25 years old)

(Oh, and I remember I wrote here about the time I went hiking. And there was a dog. My friend and I didn't mind the dog, bukannya anjing tu kacau orang pun. And the Chinese auntie was like, "You are different. You aren't like the typical Malays." I was stunned by her comment, and I thought, "Well, it shows that you don't have enough Malay friends". Now, I am ashamed and now I understand what she meant by that!)

And why must we judge people?

"Mereka yang pegang anjing tu, belum tentu pernah pegang Al-Quran dan belum tentu pernah mengusap kepala anak yatim."

This upsets me so much! Kenapa sampai sebegitu hina sekali your assumption to those who touch the dogs?

I have a friend from the Borneo, whose parents are the first generation in the family to revert to Islam, and they still have dogs. The dogs live under his kampung house.

How would he feel after reading all of your stupid comments?

And the press photos! Why do they only show photos of Muslim women in their tudungs with the dogs? Weren't there Muslim men as well? Saja je kan nak tunjuk perempuan pakai tudung dengan anjing? Saja je kan nak bagi provokasi?

I'm glad my husband is with me in this case.

And together, we will teach our children, not to be afraid of dogs. Dogs are God's creatures.
Anjing bukannya haiwan yang hina.
Yang menjadi najis itu adalah apabila ia basah.

Buat apa nak lari bila nampak anjing? Kenapa nak tergedik gedik bila nampak anjing? Ada ke mak bapak ajar anak pukul anjing? Kalau dah terkena, tak ada hal, bukannya tak ada cara nak menyucikan!

And, I wrote here before too...About hunting dogs.

"From Ibn Qayyim- Dogs generally do not have a high status in Islam. Even the saliva of a dog is najis. However, God allows hunting dogs and consumption of animals hunted by the hunting dogs. Obviously, when the hunting dogs catch the prey, the saliva of the dogs will get stuck on the prey. How would this work then?

The difference between the hunting dog (al-mukallib) and the regurlar dog is the ilm of the dog. There are three prerequisites for the dog to be al-mukallib
- when the owner tells the dog to go, it goes
- when the owner tells the dog to stop, it stops
- it doesn't eat from the prey that it catches

The only difference between a dog and a hunting dog (al-mukallib) is the knowledge, and Allah even raises a dog in status because of its knowledge. So, what about human being?

Adapted from a tazkirah by Sh Omar Suleiman."

So, yeah.
As much as I hate all the stupid comments, I also hate that we had to come to this: Create a stupid event when we don't have to in the first place!
Sayangi semua haiwan. Common sense lah weih...
Yes, we have restrictions toward the dogs, tapi tak payah lah besar-besarkan hal kecil macam ni.
I malu lah!
Please don't embarass me...Don't embarass my religion.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Hello, hello!

Setiap kali nak tulis, tiba-tiba jadi busy, or, tiba-tiba takde mood.

And I just recovered from a bad case of diarhhoea and vomiting.
Even vomited in my car and on my bed, I tell you!
Braced the symptoms for 2 days. Came to work on the third day, feeling all weak, and finally decided to see the doctor for a well-deserved MC.
Weighed myself and I am now 44kg!

OMG! Terkejut badak I!

Patutlah semua seluar dah longgar londeh.

When was the last time I weighed this much? When I was 14, maybe. It had always been around 50kg, yo-yoing between 48 to 52kg. And I was happy with that weight. My husband was very happy when I was 52kg.

Badan memang sedap-sedap gebu gebu gitu...Pipi plump and full gitu...(Or maybe because I was firmer due to the fact I was younger at that time?)

44kg tinggal tulang rangka je lah oiiii...Thank you breastfeeding, it's all your fault Baby K...

Kena makan banyak banyak.
But my appetite hasn't fully recovered yet. Lapar, memang lapar. Tapi tak lalu makan...

Oh, well...
The important thing is, thank God it was me who suffered from the infection instead of my baby!

Just now, my staff asked me, "Miss, macam mana nak jadi kurus?"

Me: Breastfeeding.
Staff: Tak ada baby lah...
Me: Anak umur berapa?
Staff: Anak umur 5 tahun.
Me: Haaa...Kena tambah lagi lah tu...
Staff: Tak ada rezeki lah, Miss...Saya dah berpisah dengan suami saya...
Me: Ooohhh...Anak duduk mana?
Staff: Anak duduk dengan suami dekat Kedah.
Me: Haaa...Jauhnya...Bila boleh jumpa?
Staff: Jumpa setahun sekali je...

Oh, sebaknya! Okay, mula-mula tak sebak sebab tak nak emo. But, when I was taking a shower just now, I kept thinking about it and it made me cry...

Like, eh, how come the child is with the husband when the mother carried the child for 9 months and gave birth to the child!

Then again, it is not really my place to judge lah. Perhaps, it is better that way. Susah jadi single mother. Lagi susah bila berjauhan dengan anak. Dah lah anak kecikkkkk lagi...

So, I doakan, agar anak my staff tu sentiasa sayang and hargai mak dia, and grow up to be understanding walaupun dapat jumpa setahun sekali je...

Ah, sedihnya...

Anyway...I tak pernah take as long as this to recover. Usually, 3 hari maksimum. Ni dah nak masuk seminggu, I am still not 100% myself.

Is there a possibility I'm pregnant?

Low. We've used precautions and it's not like we do it regularly (LDR sucks).

I can check...But I'm scared...

I'm scared if I am indeed pregnant. Am I ready?
And I'm also scared if I am not! Because I'd be disappointed. And that's why I've been delaying the pregnancy test...Esoklah okay? Tak ada masa nak pergi pharmacy nak beli the pregnancy kit lah...!

And...I'm also scared if I am pregnant and I might offend my sister who is still not pregnant yet.
We are not very close but I do care and I don't want to hurt her feelings lah okay.
I know she wants a child really bad...
She's been having medical check-ups and stuff...
And as much as I know she shouldn't be stressing too much about it because, alaaaa...Baru 2 tahun kahwin! Relax lah dulu...
But I know she couldn't help but be bothered about it (of course, because I was in her shoes before!)
And...The fact the guy who used to really fancy her and really went after her and really won Mother's heart (but not my sister's) got married and they too just had a beautiful baby and flaunting her on Facebook.
It must be difficult for my sister.

Oh. And last but not least...Bridesmaids...


So, there's this girl who's getting married and she recruited her entourage of bridesmaids...And, I so happen to know that some of her bridesmaids are, well, not worthy to become her bridesmaids.
Because, her bridesmaids don't even like this girl!

They even bad mouthed her bla bla bla...You know, that sort of things...

I didn't have bridesmaids.
Mainly because my wedding was very low-key. And, I don't have too many girlfriends...
My sister was my pengapit.

And I always thought bridesmaids are supposed to be, you know, the bride's BFF, through thick and thin!

Berlakon je semua tu eh? It's just for show?


Ataupun, my other theory is, it's a one-way relationship. The bride thinks they are her BFF, and has no idea what's going on behind her back. But, still, if you're not a hypocrite, just turn down the invitation lah kan...

I'm too old for the drama lah.

And I am never a bridesmaid! Can you believe it? A prove that I live in my own world...

Kesian pulak I rasa diri I ni...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I work with a lot with people. People from the lower class, people from the upper class...Some are really humble and thankful, some are arrogant and tak sedar diri...

There was this one client, who claimed he was poor and unable to afford the bills, so he was funded by Zakat. However, he demanded like he was a paying customer. Of course, my staff denied his requests, then, he made an official complaint, claiming that just because he was poor, he was not respected, he was looked down and the service he received was different.

My staff was so angry. She told me,

"Miss, Miss tau tak apa perasaan saya? Saya rasa macam, setiap bulan saya tolak gaji saya untuk Zakat, tapi duit tu dapat pada orang yang tak guna macam tu. Dia guna duit tu beli rokok. Lepas tu tak bersyukur langsung. Tak sedar diri pakai hasil Zakat."

I pun terkedu bila staff cakap macam tu. My staff don't make a lot of money. Jadi, mestilah ada rasa terkilan bila orang yang menerima Zakat tu langsung tak appreciate.

Sebenarnya, bukan Zakat je. Tax pun sama juga.

Sometimes, I meet people who are well-off but refuse to pay because "I know someone someone." Sometimes, I meet people whose "Father used to be someone someone," then suddenly, we received a call complaining pasal hal yang terlalu remeh temeh eg: "My son doesn't like your canteen food" or "My son finds it boring that you use that curtains."

How do we respond to that when we obviously have better things to do...

I think, it is mandatory for every individual to go through a period of hardship. At least, being taught to live in gratefulness.

I often wonder...I grew up fine, tak adalah kaya sangat, but comfortable. But, my parents never taught me that we can afford things or we are above everyone else. I only knew we lived a comfortable after Father chucked me into a boarding school which opened up my eyes to other types of people.

Then, I went abroad. People always think we would come back arrogant, but I think, I became more humble. I got to experience how to live as a minority, I learned how to shop for second-hands, I didn't have my own car, so I mostly walked, waited for the bus and slept at the airports/ train stations, worked part-time jobs, my education wasn't spoon-fed (like Malaysian style- don't know how it is now) and I think that's where most of my Malaysian friends became side-tracked: nobody monitored your activities, you can skip classes all you want, no attendances, no surprise I sometimes met coursemates I never knew existed on the day of the exams...

People think it was easy for us, but they don't know the different kinds of hardships we had to face.

Jadi, I selalu cannot digest lah kalau ada orang yang tak paham kesusahan orang lain ni. Because people always say, ikut resmi padi, semakin berisi, semakin tunduk.

I understand, once you reach a certain level, you want to use that power to speed things up, for example. But every single time? Come on...I faham kalau you Perdana Menteri ke (ada masalah negara yang perlu diselesaikan stat), tapi kalau setakat VIP sipi sipi tu...Sigh...Lepas tu, dahlah nak cepat, servis tip top, tapi tak nak bayar! OMG!

Ada seorang client ni, dia okay je, tak banyak kerenah. Tapi anak dia yang over tau...Very demanding, and disrespectful. She treated my staff like slaves...Some of the things she demanded, were not even within my staff's job scopes. Lepas tu, cakap kasar. One time, she yelled, "Eh, aku boleh bayarlah! Aku bayar!" Like, please, kalau kurang ajar macam tu, boleh bayar pun kitorang tak hairan. And in the end, dia tak bayar pun!

It's very sad kan?

Paling sedih kalau jumpa orang miskin yang baik hati...Walaupun sedih, they are my favourite clients to work with. They could be inspiring.

Kenapa tah tiba tiba nak tulis pasal ni hari ni.

Mungkin pasal politik kot...I strongly believe a politician should be a successful person who is close to the rakyat. Baru dia boleh paham kan...Tak kisahlah kalau dia anak orang kaya pun, asalkan dia faham there are so many poor people in the society that need help...

Sebenarnya anak I tengah sakit. Kesian sangat. Batuk batuk, lepas tu muntah.

Lepas tu, dia frust sebab tak boleh tidur. He still suckles on me, tapi macam mana nak menyusu kalau hidung tersumbat dengan hingus.

Which leads to lack of sleep and becoming very whiny and clingy and irritable...Kesian sangat...Last last I tak tidur sebab nak letak Vicks dekat hidung dia. Last night, he was awake from 5pm until 2am. Menangis macam kena rasuk hantu...I knew he was sleepy but he couldn't even lie down.

Makan pun kurang, jadi banyak susu badan je. Tak sampai hati nak bagi susu botol kalau hidung tersumbat. Dah dua hari tak kerja. Hopefully he will recover by tomorrow.

And, hopefully he learns to slowly self soothes. Mommy tak larat lah sayang, awak dah big boy, dah 13 bulan dah, it's time to sleep on your own and no more nipple fiddling okay...Malulah!

Cerita anak sakit tak ada kaitan dengan cerita kerja.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Today, my friend had some issues with an airline company regarding her tickets. As she was telling me about it, it reminded me that I too needed to write an official complaint letter.

Anyway, write I did, and just now, I saw a reply in my e-mail. And here I am, too embarrassed and scared to read the e-mail. So, I procrastinate here instead.

I am always like this. Rasa berdebar debar nak baca reply, padahal sendiri yang berkobar kobar mengarang panjang lebar tadi. It's like looking at an important exam results. Nak tengok, taknak tengok, ah, nanti dulu!

I think, my e-mail just now, although sounded upset, was also funny at the same time. I imagined being at the receiving end, I would have chuckled a bit. I thought I was funny, I even called my husband just to tell him that he should read what I wrote once he's home.

Oh, yeah, I am spending one week with my husband, woot woot. Sad part is, he's working late tonight, and blogging it is!

So...Okay, maybe a little peak on what my complaint was about...Basically, I am unhappy because I was seated next to a gentleman on one of my recent flights. They should understand that I am travelling with an infant of below 2 years old and at any time, he would want to nurse. It would make us very uncomfortable if my son demanded for my boobs. Luckily, he was so well-behaved. But still, why can't they put me next to a woman in the first place?


I was talking to a close friend whom I've known since I was 19 years old. I was asking for his opinion since he had been to Japan for a number of times.

Me: Hey, adik you tinggal mana? Boleh tak nak tumpang letak luggage masa kitorang jalan-jalan nanti?
Friend: Boleh. Tapi dia tinggal jauh sikit, dekat University X. It takes one and half hour by train. Go Google it!
Me: Haa??? Let me Google for luggage storage instead!
Friend: Hahaha. You're still the same...

You are still the same.

I don't know what he meant by that. Have I changed so much? Why did he think I am not the same person?

We were very, very tight. I'd like to think we still are, but no, we can't be as close as before. I have a husband and a son.

I thought he would talk to me like we used to. Especially when he's going through big moments. I remember meeting him one day, and I asked, "Amir, bila nak ada girlfriend ni?"

He just laughed and said I should have an Instagram. Our other friend was there, and she was like, "OMG, you and Siti are together?"

I was offended a bit. I'm not a busybody friend, but given our history, yeah, I thought I should be informed about his love life. I don't even know her name! Hello, we had always tell each other about this kind of stuff, now suddenly I am a stranger?

No wonder he thinks I am no longer the same.

I feel like in the ending of How I Met Your Mother, except we were never romantically involved with any of the gang. Haha. Strictly platonic.

Still, isn't it sad that friendships drift away?

I am the type who cherish friendships because I don't have a lot of friends. But, I've gone through so many friendship drift-aways. Don't think I will ever forget all about our good times together. Come on, we practically grow up together!

And that's why I am trying to make my husband and my son my new best friends. I've ran out of friends. Tapi husband I malas nak layan I, and Baby K is still a baby.

Which means, I have a sad, sad life.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Hello, hello!

Been busy for the past 2 days, but was compensated by the presence of Boss Z. Heeee...

Gedik lah!

It's been long since I last had an innocent crush on someone. Now that I am feeling it again, rasa youthful pula! Hahaha, sila lempang diri sendiri!

The story was, I had to take care of the whole level because a colleague had to take an emergency leave. It was sweet of him noticing that I was all alone, so he asked how I was, have I had my lunch, did you have a busy day, you know, small things that somehow can make me happy because someone actually noticed!

As I have mentioned before, he is very soft-spoken. Seriously, everytime he opens his mouth, I have to stand right next to him to hear what he is saying. Mesti dia ingat I ni pekak badak agaknya. Haha. Well, I do tell him to speak louder. Sometimes, when he forgets, and I ask to repeat what he said, he does a gesture, turning up the imaginary volume button. I pun malu lah, hari hari nak kena cakap, "Haa??? Apa dia? What did you say?"

Chewaahhh...Macamlah hari-hari I jumpa dia. Padahal dua minggu je...

Anyway, on Friday, I was all alone, but we had some work together. Then, I continued my work and he went out.

Suddenly, my staff said

Staff: Miss, dia tu husband Miss ke?
Me: Haa??? (I ni memang ada masalah pendengaran kot)
Staff: Tu suami Miss ke?
Me: Siapa?
Staff: Boss Z tu suami Miss ke?
Me: Takkkk!!! Oh, my God!!! Suami saya orang lain!!! (Terkejut badak lah masa ni) Kenapa akak cakap Boss Z tu suami saya?
Staff: Tak de lah, macam lain macam je...
Me: Lain macam macam mana?
Staff: Macam rapat je tadi.
Me: Laaa...Hahahaha! Boss Z tu kan cakap perlahan, saya tak dengar apa dia cakap!
Staff: Ha ah lah...Dia tu lemah lembut betul!
Me: Kenapa akak tanya? Ada orang berminat ke dengan Boss Z?
Staff: Tak adalah! Tanya je...
Me: Saya tak tahu Boss Z tu dah kahwin ke belum. Tapi dia ada pakai cincin.
Staff: Tak apa. Nanti saya tanya!

Oh, my God, was I too close to him?

Anyway, the reason my staff mistakenly thought Boss Z and I were a couple is because...
There are many couples in my department. And both of us are new in the department.
Haha. So, before they want to mengumpat other bosses, they must clarify things first lah. Karang terkutuk pula depan isteri/ suami orang tu.
I did exactly the same thing when I first came here, I asked my colleagues, who's with who here!

Tapi kan, yang bestnya, I rasa macam dapat tempias tempias compliment lah kan.
Sebab, Boss Z tu kan comel, so, bila orang ingat we are together, mesti diorang ingat I pun comel jugak!
Oh, sungguh perasan! Hahaha...Entah-entah nak kutuk yang kita ni tak sesuai langsung!

Okay, okay, back to reality.

I think I've written about this before. I want to be like that. You know, somebody who can make someone else's day just by being nice. You never know, even small, little deeds can make a difference. Just smile...Ask how are you doing...Wishing someone to have a nice day or have a good night...It's so easy to do...

Lepas tu kan, hati dah berbunga-bunga kan.

Bila buka Facebook, ada cerita kanak-kanak malang. Pastu sedih balik...

Pastu terbaca tazkirah dekat Facebook- pasal menjaga pandangan. Tapi tazkirah tu suruh menjada pandangan daripada baca Whatsapp yang bukan-bukan, pandangan daripada nak shopping yang bukan bukan, bukan menjaga setakat menjaga pandangan lelaki/ perempuan...

Okay, I akan cuba untuk menjaga pandangan I. Tak boleh cuci mata lebih lebih!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Hari ni, hari tak puas hati dengan bos. Eeee...! Geram tau!

Semoga I tak jadi macam dia lah satu hari nanti...

I don't agree with some of his ways. Fine, I respect you bringing back knowledge from where you were from, but please, I think you need some serious adjustments to apply things locally.

You tak pernah kerja pun dekat sini, you don't even understand how the system works, so don't you dare comparing what we are doing with what you did. Lepas tu, he said things like: There's no excuse for bla bla bla.

Lagi sekali dia cakap macam tu, I will be very tempted to reply, "Yeah, I won't compromise my family time. I will come to work on time and go back home on time, I will make sure my work is done, but I won't do anything extra just to please you. My family is my priority."

Eh, I shouldn't be there pun in the first place lah. But of course, nobody realize I am just doing a favour for them!

Konon macam bagus, but his management is mostly macam entah apa apa jugak. Inilah padahnya bila you recruit orang yang tak pernah merasakan kesusahan. He should learn from my previous bosses, lebih makes sense to me.

Come on lah, all this shit pasal this is for your own good bla bla bla, I am over it. It's just not worth it. I've learnt my lessons. I tried doing extra work, but look where I am now, nowhere, and simply let others make me the victim. Enough lah.

And my boss, well, he should know we are living in a small world. Macam lah I tak tahu cerita lepas dia. Macam lah I tak tahu personal history you. Eleh, wife you tu pun apa kurangnya...

Tengok, kan dah jadi emotional sampai I rasa nak attack dia personally.
Seriously, I rasa, kalau I tak tahan sangat, I will make an official complaint.

Oh, lagi satu, he obviously don't remember my name, pastu nak buat buat caring pulak. He called me by my second name. Nobody calls me by my second name. The only reason you address me by my second name is because it's written on my ID card (stupid ID card person who didn't even bother to ask my preferred name and simply put my second name because it's easier for him to spell and pronounce. When I asked him to change it, he said I need to pay. Bodoh sangat!)


Kenapa dia tak boleh jadi macam boss lain?

For the past 2 weeks or so, I've found a new muse...Hehehe...Dah lama kan I tak ada a crush on somebody.

Let's call him Boss Z.

Comel sangat, soft spoken, I think he's good looking and he has a nice set of teeth. Bila bercakap tu, tenang je. Pastu murah dengan senyuman. Rajin bertegur sapa pula tu.
He would be almost perfect if he's not short. Haha! Tinggi sikit je daripada I.

I tak tau lah single lagi ke belum. Ada orang cakap he's a bachelor, but I see him wearing a ring.

Bila Boss Z is around, hati rasa berbunga-bunga. Haha. Gedik sangat!

Nasib baik I dah kahwin, so boleh control sikit perangai tu. Haha. Ala, tak apa, won't be working for long under him...Setakat penghibur hati dekat kerja untuk 2 minggu. Jadilah kan...Daripada tengok boss sorang lagi tu!


Ada seorang lagi boss ni pun best jugak. A lady boss.

Someone I wish I could become one day. A good career, job scope is not very demanding, and having time to do stuff spiritually.

Ada satu hari tu, I knocked on her door, but nobody answered. As I left, she opened her door in her telekung. Solat dhuha.

Terus rasa inspired gitu.

I don't want to be a busy person for the rest of my life!

A friend of mine shared her experience with her boss. Boss dia cakap,

"Cukup-cukuplah tu baca buku dan belajar. Dari kecik sampai besar kita asyik belajar. Luangkan masa pula belajar Quran."

Betul jugak kan? Dari kecik belajar je,exam je, sometimes I wonder, when will this end? It's time for aktiviti keagamaan pula. I am not getting any younger and I am still not prepared for my death.


Monday, August 25, 2014

Just got back from the clinic for Baby K's 1st year jab. In the morning, we collected the prizes that I won (again), haha, exciting, but embarassing at the same time because I think the receptionist has started to recognize me. Seriously, people, I think the reason I keep winning because nobody else is entering the contests?

Anyway, this will be a short post. Some quotes I would like to remember:

- "Information is not knowledge."
Many people mistake the things the read on the Internet would make them smarter. No, you will be informed, but knowledge is power. How do you acquire knowledge? Not by Googling, of course.

- I always like to say- I hope everyone will get what they deserve.
However, my Facebook friend posted something like this: To hope for someone would get what they deserve is cruel. Even we, the servants, get to enter Paradise by God's mercy. I don't think we get to go to heaven just because we deserve it.

Hhmm...What she says is quite true up to a certain point. God is the Most merciful, but I believe God is fair too. Life would be quite pointless if He is not fair, like, those who got away from this worldly crimes, I am sure there will be punishments await them one day.

Am I cruel to hope for a bad person to get punished? Sure, sometimes, we are not happy with the type of punishment he gets because we think it's not heavy enough. That's why I'd like to think, probably he deserves a lighter punishment because he did some goods in his life, not necessarily something that I know of.

And that's why God promise there will be Judgement Day. And that's why, there are things such as Taubat.

Wow, philisophy me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Actually, I wanted to post about this earlier but I was too sleepy. The next day, it had gone viral. Terus mati semangat nak tulis.

Tapi, malam ni rasa nak tulis balik. It's about domestic violence. Personally, I haven't encountered or know anyone who has been abused by their spouse. Somehow, I think it happens commoner than we think.

I always consider myself as a strong person. Until today, I don't depend too much on anybody else but myself. So, when I was younger, I thought if it ever happens to me, there'd be no thinking twice, I'd leave.

Which, made me wonder why those women can't do the same, I did not understand.

Now, having a family I call my own, I think there is a tendency for me to allow myself to become a victim, if it occurred to me.

Of course, you tend to give chances after chances to the man you used to love, the man who you think still loves you. How can you not believe his apology when he used to be your sweetheart. When you married him, you swore to be by his side, whether when it's up or down. How can you lose hope that this man will never stop hitting. Perhaps, when he sees his baby, he'd change.

And by the time you realize that he's dangerous, it's getting harder to leave. You've given up everything. You are too old. You don't have the heart to make your children grow up without a father. Perhaps, you teach yourself to accept it, because it is normal  now for you. He makes you believe it's your fault.

It's not as simple as packing your bags and leave, just like my younger, naive self would have thought.

Father was a strict, serious, fierce man, especially toward his team. When I was a small kid, he always received texts from his pager. He was always on the phone. Most of the time, he was yelling over the phone, scolding whoever he thought deserved, sometimes, using foul language.

One time, I was old enough to follow his conversation about work, he told Mother about one of the men under him who had marriage problems. He was being unfaithful, so his wife came to him.

Father was a strong believer that once your personal life interfere with your work, you are deemed unqualified. He used to say, if you can't be a leader of your own family, how can you lead others?

So, he carried out an investigation on that man, then, he produced a warning letter for him. He didn't get him sacked, but Father did not let him naik pangkat.

Now, before you think Father was biased against polygamy, he was not. He had another man under him with two wives, but the wives got along okay and sometimes, he brought both to attend events (which made Mother feel a little bit uneasy). No drama there.

So, when I first stumbled upon that FB post, I thought she should go to his boss. I mean, I've seen how Father dealt with it, and I thought most bosses would, you know, do something similar.

If AirAsia has not taken any action against that man yet, it is a shame.

When I read about the insensitive remarks about she membuka aib suami etc, it makes me sick in the stomach. At the same time, I am so glad there are other commentators who gave such strong hujah to defend that woman.

I can only hope I would never have to go through what she is going through. Can't say too soon that I have a wonderful husband, can I? People change, you know.

Mother was initially concerned about us having to do LDR. "Awak tak takut ke suami awak seorang dekat sana?"

I chuckled.

I have confidence in my husband, in me and in our relationship. If it happens, it happens. I don't know how I would react to it, but I don't want to think about something that might not even happen in the future.

As you all probably know, Baby K prefers him over me. When I balik kampung recently, Baby K would not let my husband go at all. Many commented on how rare it is for a child to be attached more to his father. I think, deep down, they must think how I suck at being a mother because when my husband is around, my husband would play with him, bathe him, tukar pampers etc...My job is to feed him and make the baby fall asleep when my husband fails to do it.

Anyway, just now, my husband and I were exchanging text messages about how cute our baby is.

Husband: Baby K tu manja sangat dengan Abang. Kalau dah besar sikit, Abang nak bawa dia balik, biar dia duduk 4-5 hari dengan Abang. Mesti dia  nak ikut.
Me: Ha ah, tak nak lepaskan Abang langsung. Manja sangat!
Husband: Abang kena sayang dia lebih. Abang dulu tak tinggal dengan ayah kandung, so Abang tahu perasaan tu.

With that message, I know Baby K and I are very lucky.

(On the other hand, I feel bad for my parents-in-law. My husband ni jenis pendendam kot...Dah 40 tahun oiii...! And he still can't get over the fact that his biological parents gave him away. And to not just anybody, to their relative, who was childless at that time, and who still treats my husband like their own! Sudah sudah lah tu...And yet, when you think it's harmless to a child, you don't know how much it scars your child for life, sampai ke tua husband I tu trauma)

Monday, August 18, 2014

Stumbled upon a blog of my junior from university and ashamed with what I have here. Hehe. Her language is of better quality, well, I really shouldn't compare because I simply am not an eloquent person lah.


Reminds me of the years I was away from home. I remember being dependant on public transports and my own to feet to commute. When it got too cold, I'd be bitching about how easy and warm my life would be if I just stayed local.

My perception completely changed after I saw so many professionals using the service, unlike Malaysia at that point of time.

I had this one vivid memory, a young, cool, sophisticated mother, dressed in skinny jeans, a bubble jacket, a scarf around her neck, wearing a pair of sunglasses, pushing a child in a stroller in her high heels, and an older child around 4 or 5 years old next to her.
She was energetic and beautiful.
I remember telling my friend, that's just the kind of mother I would like to be.

I guess I was able to briefly live the dream.

I was on a flight with my son. He was so well-behaved, I am so proud!

We landed at Subang Airport and we were the last to leave the plane. Then, I put my son in his stroller and I quickly pushed him to minimise the exposure to the loud sound.

While I was pushing him, I saw our reflections on the mirrors. Me, in jeans, my nice shirt, and flowy shawl, one hand pushing the stroller and another hand holding his sippy cup and a handbag on my shoulder. I didn't wear high heels though, but I had my nice pumps on.

Then, we waited at the conveyor belt and my other hand was pulling our hot pink luggage now.

I must have looked so good, too bad nobody was around to take a photo of us in action...(Bagi can dekat I nak perasan, boleh tak?)

For a while, I was that young, cool, sophisticated, energetic supermom!

And my moment could not be made possible without my stroller which I am so glad I purchased. It's not perfect but the fact I easily manoeuvred it single handedly makes it a winner.

My perfect stroller would be
- can be used since birth
- can be reclined to at least almost flat
- allows forward and rear facing
- light weight
- fold to stand
- small to fit a compact car
- cheap
- tyres that glide for easy manoeuvring
- easy to fold (one hand)
- not flimsy
- cantik
- doesn't need too many accessories
- etc

Well, mine doesn't fit a compact car. Wasn't a problem before until I moved back to Klang Valley and had to buy a MyVi because no way am I going to spend so much on petrol just to go to and fro work...

Anyway, initially, my dream stroller was all other nice strollers which are too expensive for my budget. I kan kedekut sikit, I just don't want to invest thousands in something I don't know whether I will be using much or if my son even wants to sit in it quietly. Mine is not even RM1k and it fits most of my requirements.

So yeah, when I saw our reflections, I know I've made the right purchase. I was so confident, I thought we should be in an ad...Haha!

(For a split moment, then I was back to being a plain lady.)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Mommies, have you watched the Pampers appreciation video ad for the Japanese mothers?

Well, happy first birthday to Baby K, which means I am already a Mom for a year...

We went to visit my parents-in-law. They helped to take care Baby K for about 5 months before I moved back to Klang Valley. And as expected, my MIL got emotional that I feel guilty she doesn't feel the same way towards her granddaughter who's only 4 months younger than Baby K (and my SIL was there at that time!)

I am not like my MIL, she's comfortable in showing and telling how she feels. Me? I only tell you guys lah in my blog, haha. Or I'd tell my husband. Or my really close friends, in a joking manner, after it had long past by...

So yeah, MIL was like, "Ma nangis hari hari...Hari hari tengok gambar Baby K...Ma cuci gambar dia banyak banyak. Setiap kali lepas sembahyang, Ma mesti tengok gambar dia. Ma asyik teringatkan dia...Ma tengok TV9 pukul 12.30 ada budak macam Baby K...Kenapa balik 4 hari saja?"

Then, Baby K refused her. Gaaahhh...! (Actually, Baby K also refuses me if he's happy with his Daddy, but it's an unacceptable explanation to my MIL)

I've seen my MIL cried a number times before this (she even cried when my husband told her not to feed Baby K with too much milk). In contrary to my own Mother, who, for the record, had only cried 3 times in my presence in my entire life...
1) When I was 9 and I had been really naughty (or maybe she was extra stressed?)
2) When I was 14 and she and Father had a huge fight for something so silly (we got lost in the car in Penang and all hotels were fully booked!)
3) The day Father passed away.

I am so inexperienced in dealing with an emotional elderly, I don't know how to react to it...

Actually, I too cry a lot, in front of my husband or privately. Haha. But I have an ego lah okay...Which type are you?

Time really flies...Baby K is walking more than crawling. Demanding...Wants me all the time, except when Daddy is around. Sleeps better nowadays, thank God, but still addicted to my boobs. I keep telling him boobies are for nighttime only, malu lah, dahlah baby I tu size tak macam 1 year old, it's difficult to hide him under my tudung. Dah setahun dah I defaulted from wearing normal clothes, always buttoned for the sake of my little one...

I haven't gotten him a proper birthday present. He's fascinated by sticks of any kind. Ruler sticks, brooms, kayu penyodok, mop, tongkat, tu semua memang pantang nampak. Sekali pegang, tak mau lepas. So I nak beli apa?

We've booked a trip to Japan in January. I was reluctant to bring Baby K (selamba betul, haha) but my husband insists. So, Baby K, you better behave yourself or you don't follow!
Which means, no overseas trip for us this year...Awww...I really want to make it a tradition of a yearly overseas trip, but tak cukup fund lah...Singapore, Thailand and Indonesia don't count okay! I really want to go to Italy, tapi tak kan lah two months after nak pergi Japan pulak kan? Lagipun, annual leave tak cukup lah. Plus, my husband and I are bounded to very specific available dates. Sigh...That's why it's more fun to be rich enough, you don't have to work/ take time-off when you want to!

I am committing myself to furthering my education, which never ends btw, so I can get better pay in the future, but by that time, mesti I dah tua sakit kaki, or, I kena fikir siapa nak hantar anak sekolah...I can never win, y'know...

Okay, now I am rambling...While recovering from diarrhoea actually, and now you know what's still keeping me awake at this hour. I should be studying instead!

To my dearest son, Happy Birthday. I hope we can give you more siblings! Haha!