Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Sementara anak tengah tidur ni...

I think my last post have made some of you have false imagination about me, haha. I am so sorry, tapi I rasa I ni berskala 5/10 saja. Like seriously. Paling tinggi pun 6.5/10, and that was during my university days. The only thing why that kid thought I look like Elsa is probably because nobody in her family has long hair kot. Haha. To prove this, I asked my own niece, she's 6

Me: Rina...Ade budak cakap I look like Elsa? Is that truuueeee???
Rina: (look at me some kind) Rambut jeeeeeee!!!

Sabar je lah aku! Hahaha...

My niece ni kan, just now she watched High 5, tema hari ni adalah The Sea.

One of the girls pakai a spike on the back macam shark, tapi dia nyanyi mengatakan dia tu dolphin.

My niece terus kata, "Dolphin mana ada macam tu! Kenapa dia pakai macam shark? Apalah High 5 ni!"

Haha, smart girl...Tak payah lah tengok High 5 tu, Auntie Ectopy dah boring tau!

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I dah ada maid...And she's good. Ala, bukan ada kerja sangat pun dia tu...Mother boleh kawan dengan dia. And she can layan my son and my son pun has no problem dengan dia.

I hired her to help out around the house. Tapi sekarang ni, when I arrive home, my son dah siap siap mandi and makan. I macam, hey, that's my job! I nak mandikan anak, I nak suapkan anak I!

Lepas tu, on weekends kan, biase lah my baby tu asyik nak melekat dengan I je. We miss each other! Around me, dia jadi sombong dengan orang lain. But sometimes Mother wants me to give my son to my maid so I can have some rest. Well, I don't think I need to rest, I am a mother after all. Mana ada rehat rehat ni...

I overheard Mother said that I balik rumah pun tak dapat nak rehat sebab Baby K wouldn't let me go, cuti tapi tak macam cuti, no wonder lah makin kurus mak dia. Eh, I really don't mind him not wanting to let me go. Lagi I suke adalah...I don't want him preferring someone else over me!

Even masa buka puasa ke, masa sahur ke, my maid would take him so I can eat in peace. Pastu nanti my son nangis nangis, I rase macam, why can't he eat with me. I have one hand free here...

Emosi betul lah I ni!

Okay, sekian kisah perasaan hari ni. Kesimpulannya, I ni nak hire maid sebab nak dia tolong, tapi bila dia nak tolong, rasa nak buat semua benda sendiri pulak. Gilosss...

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Honestly, since I had a baby, I don't remember the last time I actually made up myself. I did attend a few weddings and formal events, but as far as I can remember, even if I intended to wear make up properly, I ended up going bare faced because I had no time. My husband would usually take the baby to the car and wait for me. I pulak, cepat cepat bersiap because I hate making them wait for me.

Basically, it's been a very long time since I last felt pretty. Kesian kan? I've always told myself not to let myself be one of those moms. Bila tengok blog mak mak cantik, I just don't know how they do it lah ok...Terus rasa inferior sebab I ni comot je...Pergi kerja lagilah comot!

A few weeks ago, I was busy with admin stuff, pergi sana sini, then I stopped by a friend's house during lunch hour to tumpang solat. Her mother was home with her 2 nephews and 1 niece aged between 2 to 6 years old.

I took off my tudung for wudhu. Her niece saw me and said, "Waahhh...Macam Elsa!"

Hahahaha! Omg, me, Elsa?! That's probably the most flattering physical compliment I've ever had from a child!

I buat taktau je. But the next time I saw my friend, she excitedly told me the story because she thought I didn't hear her niece.

Again, hahahaha!

Just what I needed to hear after months and months of feeling comot! Bless the child.

Maybe there's still hope for me to beautify myself again.



Just last week, I saw a client and she said, "Wahh...You are so young!"
Me: No lah, auntie. I am already 3* years old!
Client: Still young lor...And you look younger than that!

Score! Yeay!



More good news in this post: I won three prizes from the SMS contests I entered a few weeks ago! Terus bersemangat nak masuk contest lagi. Haha! Thank you Samsung Galaxy Life sebab bagi 3 magazines free for 1 year! (I mestilah takkan beli beauty magazines, my Reader's Digest pun tak terkhatam sejak ada Baby K ni...)

Me: Saya nak claim hadiah saya menang.
Receptionist: Contest dari magazine mana ye?
Me: Oh, saya menang 3 hadiah dari 3 magazines.
Receptionist: Tiga! Banyaknya!
Me: Hehehe (Kita pulak yang malu menang banyak)

Hari ni kita cerita happy happy je...Bye!

Monday, June 30, 2014

I feel restricted. Like, I feel I am not supposed to say I miss my husband too often, like I am not supposed to insist him to move for me although having him by my side would be fab.

I am sure my husband won't mind me saying what I really want to say. After all, he never once mentions about my decision that changed our lives and its dynamics. But

1) I think deep down, I have an ego. I don't want to give the slightest chance for my husband to use it against me. Eg: "It's all your fault. You are the one who decided to go and now you can't stand it and you want me to go there and leave my life here like it's so easy to do!"

2) I don't want to become his burden. I want to be the pleasant wife. I don't want our phone calls consist of me whining and trying to make him feel guilty.

3) By not mentioning too much about it, I hope I  could suppress my guilt of wanting to advance in my career.

4) I have to be understanding and less selfish. He can't attend to my needs all the time. He has other responsibilities too. This is a known sacrifice that I am willing to take ever since the decision is made.

Really, all I want to say is
Abang, I miss you so much. I am sorry I am the reason you cannot see and touch your son every day. I really want you to move with me if you can. Can't you just drop everything and be with me? Please?

The traffics in Klang Valley are really bad lah, I am so mad at the government for not having a proper plan for public transport. It's never getting any better. Come on, the Londoners have a great transport system since the 60s and we are still so left behind, it's ridiculous lah.

I spent a total of 3 hours in my vehicle every single week day! Bila kita di awang awangan like that, mulalah teringat pada anak. Pastu mulalah rasa nak quit.

Pergi kerja, anak nangis. Balik kerja, main 2-3 jam je dengan anak. Kalau anak tidur lambat, rasa macam, Mommy penat, and why aren't you sleepy yet? Mak jenis apa ni penat sangat sampai tak larat nak layan anak yang innocent, dahagakan kasih sayang, anugerah Tuhan, amanah yang perlu dijaga?

I question every single day when I am stuck in the traffic, "Is it really worth it?"

Sunday, June 22, 2014

My parents have always said us, the siblings, have nothing in common. This is quite true.

One is reserved, another is outgoing, one is sensitive, one likes to travel, another prefers only beach vacations, one is gamer who is rather spends his free time at the comfort of his own home, and the list goes on.

I don't know what Mother did during each pregnancy which makes us so different from each other!

So, I've been getting help from this Indonesian lady. She is an illegal immigrant, stays quite near to Mother's house and previously, Mother had used her husband's labour to wash the car or mow the lawn, doing odd jobs like that.

Since we are desperate, we wanted her to help Mother to take care of my son. Easy! Come at 9am until 5pm, 5 days a week, lunch is provided, she only has access to the ground floor (we don't trust her to go upstairs), probably, sweep the floor, mop every other day, kupas bawang, siang ikan, siram pokok bunga, sidai baju and things like that. My son totally refuses her, so, her job scope is mainly confined to house chores je lah. Tak penat pun...She even gets her own room in case she wants to rest a bit and she doesn't have to cook. I am paying her weekly. If I were her, I would be happy! It's flexible, you still can work elsewhere over the weekend and at night, no rules like no mobile phone or no outings, and it's not tiring.

Thing is, she likes to ask money in advance! My mom would give her extra RM10 a week, and she takes a lot of leaves. She would text Mother that she is sick so she won't come to work, most of the time, she comes like 4 days a week.

Last week, after she left, she returned to Mother's house sobbing, saying she wanted money because her husband hit her. According to her, her husband is a gambler and he hit her all the time.

I, mestilah kesian dengar cerita tu. I pun ikhlas lah nak provide her the job. Tapi at the same time, agak menyusahkan because she is no committed. Due to this sad story of her, I feel bad to find a replacement because nanti dia tak ada kerja, how? I also don't mind so much giving her extra. Because I could afford it, and niat sedekah and tolong orang susah. Lebih lebih lagi nak puasa ni.

My brother, on the other hand, thinks she is lying. He wants us to get another helper because this lady comes with too much baggage. He is a pessimist, so he scares Mother, "What if the husband comes with a parang?"

His points are valid too.
I, too, sometimes, doubt this lady but I tolak jauh jauh sebab nak bersangka baik punya pasal.

My brother pulak, he said, "Jangan masuk campur rumah tangga orang." Memanglah taknak masuk campur rumah tangga orang, tapi takkan nak simply close one eye? What if it happens to your daughter? I don't want to be that headline in the news, "Kanak-kanak maut didera." Then, people would ask, neighbour dia tak buat apa apa ke? Same case like this lah, if we were to decide not to get involved, we are simply irresponsible and selfish. That's my argument.

However, I can see what my brother is standing up for. He is worried of our children's safety. He doesn't want this helper to pijak kepala. Later, the husband finds out it is easy to get money from us using adegan air mata, and it will become a habit. And we don't even know whether she's telli g the truth.

Mother pulak, kejap she sides on me, kejap she sides on my brother. Pastu last last dia kata, "You guys are so different!" Then, she cannot decide.

What say you?

Friday, June 20, 2014

Arrived sooo late to work today, I am so embarassed, taktau mana nak letak muka. I sesat okay! I tried to use another route to skip the unusually heavy traffic but my plan backfired.

My boss didn't say anything but I know she is unhappy. I did not want to come to work late, I wanted to take an emergency leave, but my colleague wanted me to come because we are short of people today.

So, I came, apologized, lost for words and did my work. But I felt so bad and not in the mood of doing anything. Sigh.

Mulalah datang bisikan bisikan...
Siapa suruh pindah! Dah elok elok kerja tempat dekat, gatal pergi pindah.

Such a depressing day.

Then, I wanted to book an appointment for my first ever facial treatment in my whole life, but my credit card is with my husband, so how can I redeem my Maybank birthday gift! (Cheapskate, don't want to pay)

And it was our third year anniversary but I completely forgot about it. My husband actually flew down to see me but he said he had a meeting. I pun buat biase je lah. I didn't realize until it was 3pm but he was already back on the plane.

Teruknye I ni!!!

My resolution is to plan for something special for our next anniversary. Dah 3 tahun miss.

Maybe I should start booking for a vacation for next year, like, hmm, now!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

To make up for the lack of posts for the last couple of months...

This time I want to tell you about my husband's good friend.

He used to go to school with my husband, then he moved to KL and become a government servant. He is married and has 4 children.

Previously, he had a living brother but he died (can't remember why) so he became the only child of his family.

Since he lives in KL, he always asks my husband to tengok-tengokkan his parents di kampung, which my husband does regularly. Petang-petang, when my husband is not bringing my son to the playground, sometimes he would bring him to see his friend's parents.

Of late, my husband's friend's mother's health deteriorated and she was in and out of the hospital. This guy, being a government servant with limited number of leaves, with his school-going children, can't simply take off from his work. So, he would ask my husband to uruskan his mother's hospitalizations whenever he couldn't be there.

And, he's not a rich a guy, so he has to travel by car if he wanted to come back to his kampung, which can be quite taxing with his 4 small children and all.

Subsequently, his mother passed away.

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Sometimes, I use my husband's phone when mine is charging. Saje je lah, kalau the TV is boring...So, I amik peluang baca my husband's message.

He sent my husband a message, nak gadai rantai emas for RM500...He said he is embarassed because he has asked a lot of favours and loans from my husband.

Masa I baca tu, I rasa sedih sangat. To some people, RM500 is nothing. But this guy, he doesn't even have RM500. His wife sells karipap, and he also sells stuff on ebay to make extra income.

Kalau I, I bagi je duit tu, tak payah bayar balik pun tak apa kalau belum ada duit. Because I know, this guy is baik and he needs the money. Bukan dia buat berfoya-foya pun dengan duit tu.

Unlike my husband's other 'friends' yang pinjam ribu ribu, pastu buat tak tau je...Tu I marahlah, sebab bongok bagi pinjam kan...

This humbles me a lot. Kadang-kadang, kita rasa susah, tapi orang lain lagi susah daripada kita.

Kadang-kadang, kita tak perasan orang yang susah tu adalah orang yang rapat dengan kita.
And it's always more afdhal to help those closer to us.
Sedih tau because it's somebody yang kita kenal.

Oleh itu, I doa semoga keluarga dia akan mendapat rezeki yang baik, anak-anak dia belajar pandai supaya dapat tolong keluarga satu hari nanti.

I have cooled down a bit after staring at my beautiful sleeping baby. So, tonight's post is dedicated to my son, Baby K.

The best motherly quote that I absolutely adore is something like this:
God makes babies in heaven and they live with their angels. Then, God would send them to Earth to be born. The babies are worried, "Who would take care of us? Who would play with us? We won't be seeing the angels anymore..." God says, "There will be angels waiting for you on Earth. The angels are your Mothers."

Aww...I am my baby's angel... :)

But I can't understand people who would harm a child lah! How could they! Tak kesian ke haaa!

Anyway, back to my baby...

He's currently 9 going to be 10 months old. He only started crawling at about 8 months old, which got me a little bit worried at first.

My son is so young but he takes up so much space. Whenever I pack for us, his stuff would be more than mine, my handbag is no longer mine, more like his, since inside are his items. When he sleeps, I have to squeeze (because his dad wouldn't), it's funny. Haha.

And not to mention his size. I love his body. Chubby and tall, like a handsome, young man. Muka tu dah kurang baby, rambut je baby lagi ie: botak.

His toothless (still) smile lights up my entire world. He can be demanding and can express his emotions better, it's exciting figuring out what he wants. He is extra clingy with his daddy. The sight of my husband can make him stop whatever he is doing at that time just to be with his daddy. Even when daddy passes by the living room to go to the bedroom, he would cry for attention wanting to follow. Daddy's boy sangat!

Baby K doesn't care about me so much. I am the less fun parents. I don't bring him to the playground (daddy's job), I don't bath him or change his diapers (daddy's job)...He only searches for me when he is sleepy or hungry, hehehe.

But I don't really mind. I am proud he has that special bond with his daddy. On the other hand, that's one of the reasons why I must continue to give him my boobies, he wouldn't care for me if I can be subtituted!

I know I should teach him to sleep on his own, don't pamper him too much, instill discipline as early as possible, teach him ABC and 123...But, Baby K is just a baby, he is my baby, and I always make excuses for him, let him be a baby, there are years more to come to scold him, "No!" --> I hope I don't regret this soon!

I may not be the mother I wanted to be. I let my baby eat food with sugar and salt (I can't control this when I am at work, especially when he's being fed  by his grandparents), I let my baby eat preservatives, from Heinz food and processed food. I don't always cook for him but I am the best I can be, or at least I try the best that I could.

My baby deserves a perfect life. It's so heart breaking when I have to separate him from his daddy. It's all because Mommy wants to learn and work and learn and work...

Soon, there will be no more sloppy kisses from Daddy on a daily basis. Although my husband has given me his blessings for taking this route, although there are a lot other couples who survive LDR, I couldn't help but feels like a damn selfish human being.

We could've it easy but I would not settle. I hope God will ease our quests and soon, we will be reunited again, because we deserve it. Amen.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

1) I spent a lot of money participating in different SMS contests from 5 different magazines. I hope I would win at least one. Hehehe...It's fun.

2) I am fed up. I am fed up with the vaccination issue, demanding for female doctors issue, Dayana and her manifesto, Cadbury and pig DNA...Seriously, the responses from some of you people really embarass me lah! Stop embarassing me, stop embarassing my religion, my race, stop insulting our intellectuality.

I selalu rasa macam nak dissect the issue satu per satu, but I always feel like I am an unfit person to do so, since I am not an expert in those matters. Karang takut salah cakap pulak...

And I always feel some of the issues are really one-sided. Like, for example, they demand for female doctors, but nobody demand for male doctors, or male nurses.

Hu ha about the Cadbury chocolates, but never said anything about the smokers who do it in public, even when fatwa deems it haram.

Lepas tu nak buat pemindahan darah lah, apa lah, eh cakap macam takde otak sangat tau! Macam tak belajar agama langsung tapi nak masuk TV.

Pastu, ada orang samakan vaccination tu macam makan babi juga.

I malu tau, walaupun orang tak cakap depan muka I, tapi I malu bila orang tak respect orang Melayu Islam sebab kenyataan kenyataan bodoh macam ni.

Ataupun I je yang perasan bila kaum lain semua rasa orang Melayu Islam ni masyarakat yang mundur dari segala aspek. Bila orang suruh menimba pengalaman, luaskan pandangan, berapa ramai yang sanggup terima seruan tu? Terlalu selesa sangat di tempat sendiri. Pastu mulalah tak dapat terima idea baru dan melenting.

Geram tau, tapi taknak cakap banyak banyak sangat...

3) Kena rogol dengan 38 orang lelaki? Budak didera sampai mati? Orang gaji lari tak habis habis menyusahkan orang? Arrgghhh...! Apparently, I am still mad at the world! Nantilah sambung balik.

Monday, May 19, 2014

ayat cover line

Lisa: Bos Rokiah tu asyik tersilap panggil aku Minah je...Dia confuse kot. Dia tu sebenarnya kenal aku ke tidak? Sikit-sikit Minah. Aku Lisa lah, bukan Minah!

Minah: Haa? Dia panggil kau Minah? Macam mana boleh silap nama pulak? Aku gemok jugak ke?

Awkward silence.

Minah: Heee...Oops...Eh, taklah, maksudnya Lisa kuruslah...Macam aku...Sebab tu Bos Rokiah tak dapat bezakan...Betul tak?

Errr...I would have died embarassed if I utter those words to my colleague.
I hope I will never offend someone intentionally, especially on physical appearance.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

As usual, I have been busy.

But here's something short and rather important!

My husband has a horrible singing voice. Despite that, he has the confidence to sing in front of complete strangers. Well, one time, my department had an outing, so I brought my husband along. Dengan muka tak malu, my husband sang and sang the karaoke...Well, I give him credit for being such a good sport though. But, still, a terrible singer, no doubt about that.

Today was the second time he sang to our son in the car. And again, our son mencebik bibir, his smile turned upside down and he looked like he was on the verge to burst out tears, just like the last time he sang to him (we initially thought my son was simply in a foul mood). My husband stopped. Then, he sang again, and my son gave similar reaction. With that, it was confirmed, this is no coincidence, my son really hates my husband's singing, which means, not only my husband is a terrible singer, he might even be a scary one!

Haha!

OMG, how can that not be funny! We laughed and laughed, and my husband repeatedly sang to my son and he frowned every single time.

Worst singer ever!

Husbad: I rase, baby ingat I marah dia kot...
Me: Suara you betul betul buat dia takut.