Sunday, March 22, 2015

Heard the doorbell rang, so went to check and someone claimed, "Minta derma untuk sekolah Tahfiz..."

Took a few ringgit and brought Baby K to the gate.

Saw that girl wearing a nose ring.
And she didn't even offer a receipt (they usually do, right?)

I mean, katakanlah, kau dulu sesat, and now you are raising money for a sekolah Tahfiz, shouldn't you at least take off your nose ring?

Felt cheated.

Reminds me of the time when I was at a petrol station.

Paid RM50 and the attendant helped to fill up the tank. When he indicated that he was done, I peeked and saw it stopped at RM45 plus. Got out from the car,

Me: Saya bayar RM50 lah tadi.
Attendent: Saya tak tahu.
Me: Try lagi sekali.
Attendant: Mungkin dia tendang balik sebab minyak dah full.
Me: Mana ada full!
Attendant: Boleh minta balik duit lebih dari dalam.

Went inside and given RM5. Without me even explaining the situation to the cashier. Datang counter terus dapat duit, as if trying to shut me up.

Started the engine and realized there were 2 empty bars. (Kepala otak kau bagi aku teori minyak tendang sebab tank dah full)

So angry!

I suspect the attendant and the cashier purposely plot to cheat the customers. Those who don't know notice would've probably drove away without detecting anything wrong.

RM5 per car. If there were 10 cars that hour? If they were 50 cars that day?

So, please, always check the meters.


Sunday, March 15, 2015

This is why I don't allow myself to own too many social media platforms.

I just stalked some people on Instagram and they were talking about designer clothes, individually tailored for you, big names that would cost you thousands of ringgit.

Then I felt bad for myself because I never had the chance. Or, maybe, I am just too calculative and careful to let myself have a chance. Sigh.


This sick thought began to drag my mind to blame my husband- kesian dia, mangsa yang tak bersalah langsung. I thought, if he could buy expensive jeans, why can't I?

(For the record, he is a good husband and he does offer to buy me expensive things, stupid me always decline his offers)

I quickly slapped my mind back to reality. I am not like them. I am not one of them. Sila sedar diri!



Somebody thought my husband is a millionaire.

Then, that person wondered why my husband can't be as generous as that person expects a millionaire would be.

Well, the most logical explanation to that is: Because my husband is not a millionaire. Not yet.

Bodohlah. Millionaire apa ke bendanya kalau kereta pun tak beli cash...Banyak loan lagi tak habis bayar tau!

I started to dig around to find out why that person has a fixed perception toward my husband.

Turns out, somebody in our family has been telling that person that my husband is quite successful and has been purchasing this and that. That family member was telling in a I-am-so-proud-of-you-I-want-you-to-know kind a manner.

I have mixed feeling towards this rumour.

At first, I find it funny. Like, what the hell! If we were rich, I would've lived in a nice, big, house, wearing nothing under RM 50, and driving a sports car.

After I found out the root of that person idea, I was quite disturbed. That person doesn't know how significant is my role towards my husband's success.

That person and that family member are under the impression that my husband made it all by himself. They don't know the sacrifices I made for him. They think my husband has been supporting me. What about, me supporting my husband?

Don't I look like someone who contributes too? Apa dia ingat, I simply kerja and don't give a damn about my husband's business? They think it's easy for my husband? What kind of business if you didn't experience naik turun adat resam orang ber business. And, and, and, when my husband was at his low point, who do you think he turn to for help? I even stayed up at night and filled numerous forms for him.

I really think my husband owes me big time. And if he ever hurt our marriage, I'll make sure he nicely gets what he deserves. Haha. Sampai ke situ pulak.

Emo gila I malam ni...

Ini bukannya nak mengungkit. But I am offended.

It's definitely not my husband's fault. Takkanlah my husband nak cakap, "Isteri saya banyak menolong bla bla bla," or maybe...He should start now! Heee...

In his defense, my husband has helped me tremendously too. Siapa yang selalu doakan untuk kerjaya I? Siapa yang offer nak buat solat hajat untuk I? Siapa yang selalu bagi semangat pada I? Who has always believed in my ability? Who has always fetched me to and fro my workplace when I just didn't have the mood to get there myself? Who has always entertained my cravings and gave me lots of my favourite chocolates? Syukur sangat.

The point is...
In marriage, you help each other.

Let this be a lesson.

When you compliment a person, don't forget the partner. Do not offend the partner. Even if the wife is a housewife, don't you dare thinking that the wife did nothing to contribute to his success.

And men should always mention the wife in their 'Oscar acceptance' speech. And make their wives feel appreciated. Do not forget.

Last but not least, dear husband, I hope you will become a true millionaire one day.
To that person, thank you, hopefully the things that are spoken in the rumour will be taken as a doa for our family. Amiin.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

My lecturer was talking about pain.

"Studying for this is painful. You whine every day, wanting to die every day, complaint every single time, but yet, you still die die want to finish this off. Why? Why put yourself through something so difficult and painful? You know it's hard, you know you don't like it, but you still do it! Whose fault is that?"

I was silent.

"Because you want the satisfaction. Because it's your ambition. Because at the end of the day, completing this course means something so much to you, that you are willing to go through the hardships, because perhaps you think it's worth it."

Then, I question myself. Really? Does becoming an expert in a field means so much to me?

One of the major reasons I continue my study is because I'm a type A kind of person, and I can't be left behind in this rat race, especially when I compare myself to other people, it drives me nut. If they can do it, why can't I?

Never thought how it would make my life more meaningful. Heh.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

My son, he's going to be 19 months old this coming Friday.
He missed his appointment for his jab at 18 months because he had fever.

Anyway, since my husband is around, I asked my husband to bring him instead.
My husband hates the needle. He couldn't stand seeing blood.
He didn't even accompany me in the labour room!
And all this while, I was the one who held my son down when he received his injections.
My husband? He felt too kasihan for my son, he couldn't even bear to be in the same room.

According to my husband, my son screamed and cried...4 people needed to hold him down...
Then, he salam-ed all the nurses after the ordeal.


What I like about my local government clinic is, the nurses remember us.
- the same nurse who did the home visit after I delivered the baby
- the same nurse who greeted us at the clinic when they thought my baby had jaundice (he didn't)
- then I returned to my husband's hometown and had regular follow ups there
- but once I am back to Mother's place to further my study, I transferred all my baby's record to the local clinic, and again, we saw the same nurse.
I remember she said, "Eh, dah setahun ke?" Ya, dah setahun. And I'm so surprised she actually remembers us.
- and recently, still the same ever so friendly nurse

Anyway, since she knows us (not personally though), she was a bit concerned that my son hasn't said a word. Yet.

My husband called me and passed the phone to her

Nurse: Miss Ectopy, anak Miss ni tak pandai cakap lagi ke?
Me: Ha ah...Dia tak pandai cakap lagi...Tapi dia paham, tunjuk telinga, tunjuk hidung, tunjuk mata...
Nurse: Mama ke? Nenek ke? Air ke?
Me: Tak lagi...
Nurse: Sebab kalau ikut betul-betul, saya patutnya kena refer doktor ni...Budak umur macam ni kena cakap 3 perkataan.
Me: Errr...Dia ada cakap "Bye bye" --> I lied.
Nurse: Mama?
Me: Tak ada lagi...Tapi dia ada cakap "Nana". Nana tu cousin dia. --> I don't think he meant it when he said na na na na na na.
Nurse: Lain? Hai ke? Hello ke?
Me: Dia lambat sikit...
Nurse: Jadi, macam mana Miss?
Me: Bagi masa sebulan dua boleh tak?
Nurse: Tak apa?
Me: Kalau tak boleh juga, kita refer doktor.
Nurse: Okay, Miss...

So, that's how I dodged the referral to the doctor for his delayed speech.

Actually, I don't mind being referred to the doctor lah...It's just that I prefer if I was there when the doctor assesses him.

So, lepas ni kena buat intensive course untuk anak I ni...

Friday, February 27, 2015

Jumpa sepasang couple. Ada anak perempuan seorang.

Malangnya, anak yang berumur 13 tahun itu diserang penyakit. Sekarang terlantar macam sayur. Hari-hari ibu bapa budak itu menjaga dia. Masih sayang macam menatang minyak yang penuh.

Bila saya tengok, hati saya jadi sayu.

Saya tak dapat bayangkan perasaan ibu bapa budak itu, sewaktu mereka mengusap kepalanya, mesti mereka terkenang saat-saat anak mereka sedang sihat, ketawa dan gembira.

Anak yang dilahirkan sihat, tapi sekarang, dah dekat 4 bulan tak dapat memberikan eye contact.

Kalau terjadi pada saya? Kuatkah saya?


As much as I want to remain neutral in this blog, there's one thing I can't refrain myself from: announcing that I am pro vaccination.

It just saddens me to see the rising number of parents who refuse vaccination, especially when they claim it's a big conspiracy from Jews. Ironically, they also fitnah the doctors that vaccinations are given simply for the doctors' profits.

No, there's no hidden agenda other than we all want all of us to be healthy. As I drove from work this evening, I tuned in and the Ustadz was talking about 'buruk sangka'. Janganlah berburuk sangka, nanti Syaitan baja perasaan tu.

Anyway, be careful of what you wish for.

I have a 'friend' (we went to school together) and she is so against vaccination- I can tell from her Facebook status.

She recently gave birth and the baby is still being admitted. I don't know what's the problem, but the baby is pretty ill.

It got me thinking. You can't give vaccination to the ill patients. Herd immunity is to protect the people who fall under this category.
Her baby is currently sick and I'm sure, is not eligible to receive vaccinations, yet.

This is what she had wished for. She didn't wish for her child to fall sick, but she did wish that her children go unvaccinated (she wouldn't allow- haram katanya, nak ikut makanan Sunnah semata).

Never in my heart to intend or think that the situation shall serve her right, but I guess, in the end, she really got what she wish for. Her child might never receive any vaccinations, because he just can't.

And I hope we all believe in Hikmah.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

After my son purposely threw my breastpump on the floor and laughed about it, it stopped to function properly.

I asked my husband to look for the convertible manual kit, but he couldn't find it at our previous home.

And that's how my breastfeeding journey ended...

Actually, the more accurate term is, bye bye pumping days. I still have a month's stock left in the fridge.

18 months.

My son is a big boy now. But still sleeps while suckling -__-

Still haven't said a word.
Not trying to be a kiasu mom but I read it's important for babies to communicate well or they'll end up frustrated (because they are not understood).

I hope my child is happy because I always understand him. Magic betul how I can figure out from the grunts and points and cries.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

I need to do some work but right now, I decided to have a little break.

And...Think about the weird dreams I had last night.

First dream:
Well, I dreamt that my husband had two wives! I am his first wife. Somehow, in that dream, my relationship with the second wife was quite good. I knew her and we were having a conversation like normal 'madu' (???!!!)
Suddenly, my husband entered the picture. He started to talk to the second wife. I don't remember what he did, but he did something that made me sad out of a sudden. And jealous at the same time, but more sad than jealous.
Then, I started to tell him how unfair he was to me. I told him that he always prioritized the second wife. "And that's why he's not supposed to marry the second wife because I knew he wouldn't be able to be fair to both of us."

Weird eh?
Adakah ini satu petunjuk?
A wife's instinct?

Second dream:
Okay, the second dream is quite scary. This is not the first time I dreamt about Hari Kiamat. I think Allah loves me because He keeps reminding about Hari Kiamat to me. But I am still not a good Muslim! Teruk kan I ni...Bilalah nak sedar...I want to be a good Muslim, I really do...

So, in this dream (or more precisely, nightmare), I was inside a tall building when we noticed the Sun rose from the West. Then, the Earth started to swallow itself, with comets pouring down and destroying everything.

I was panicking, of course. I could see it all clearly. And I thought, "I never imagined I would live to witness the Kiamat. Kenapa cepat sangat Kiamat ni?"

I kept having thoughts, "OMG, I am going to hell. I nak bertaubat. I nak bertaubat. Tapi dah nak Kiamat ni, Taubat dah tak diterima dah! I don't want to go to Hell. But I will go to Hell. Oh, God, please forgive and let me enter Heaven eventually. Please count all the little deeds I did, even though I am not a good Muslim."

Scary weih...!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Mother was a housewife. When I was 14, Father had to work away from home. But we mostly saw each other on weekends. I was already a teenager and was busy with school activities, so I never really missed having him around.

I had a completely different childhood than what my son is experiencing now.

Now that I am a Mother myself, I often wonder, how do kids feel when
- their Moms have to go to work very early in the morning, and arrive home at 9pm the earliest
- they have long distance relationships with their Fathers
- sometimes they don't even get to see their Moms everyday

I want to understand what's going on in their minds and how this will impact them when they grow up.

Do they grow up sad?
Too independent?
Not talking to their parents?

I asked a friend, whose parents are in the same profession as mine, how did he feel when he was just a child?
He said, his parents sent him to the kampung to be taken care by his grandparents. Then, his parents took him back. During lunchtime, he stayed at his babysitter's house. Then, he went to the boarding school...

But how do you really feel?
Have you ever felt neglected? Sad? Simply give up on your parents?

Am I just overreacting? My son won't remember all this, yet.

But I will. And I pray not to be haunted by this decision, ever.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Once I moved back to Mother's house, my son and I slept on a mattress on the floor in my room, just because I was scared he might fall off the bed. Previously, he slept in the middle between my husband and I, so I wasn't really worried about that.

Slowly, as my back couldn't take it anymore, my son and I started to sleep on our bed.

Being the boy that he is, tidur berguling guling, pusing sana, pusing sini, sometimes, he ended up with only his body on the bed, while his waist down hanging by the bed. Funny, I tell you.

Just now, when he was already fast asleep, I was getting ready for Isyak. Suddenly, he woke up. Then I smiled at him and he fell back to sleep. So, I started my solat, but I heard him falling!

Terpaksa batalkan solat.

Anak bertuah ni, boleh pulak sambung tidur dekat atas lantai. Haha!

It's midnight now. Time yang tak best. Because this is the only time that I'm free (because Baby K dah tidur), but I couldn't do the important stuff like banking and pay my bills.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Today, I found out someone is jealous of me.
Aiyo...Itu pun nak dengki ke?

My work is pretty flexible now, so I want to take the opportunity to go for a 2-week course. Bukan bercuti pun, kursus okay!

I asked my boss for permission. This colleague of mine overheard, and he quickly said it would be unfair if Boss let me go.


If I were him, I would be glad because my colleague will return with more knowledge to share!
Lagipun, I bayar sendiri!

And it's not like it will be affecting his work! And he soon will be getting his opportunity when I can't.

And to think that I was already cheated to cover for him for other stuff! I feel used!

He's so childish and negative.

When faced with this kind of situation, I always wonder how the spouse handles people like this. Then, I think, agaknya spouse pun perangai sama, sebab tu sepadan sangat. Haha!

I pray I will pass my exam. Doa orang yang teraniaya should makbul.