Wednesday, June 17, 2015


I've been talking about the Mischa Mini Bucket bag for quite some time now. How I wanted it for weeks, specifically in Champagne colour. How suddenly Vivy made it popular (and I was like, stop advertising the bag! It's for me...!) . How it went sold out. How the official website ( restocked the colour I wanted. And how it went sold out again in just a few days! And how I accepted the fact, it's not my rezeki to own it.

But, God has fated for me...To buy the design in Lily, which is the yellow and fuschia colours. I think it is my next best option, since I don't have a yellow bag.

And the best part is...

*Drum rolls*

I bought it at 30% off! Woot woot!

Mischa official website is having a 3 day summer sale! (OMG, it's summer already?!)

RM491.11 is such a steal! Haha...Look who's laughing now!
Initially, I wanted to include the monogram service, since it's also on sale, but that means having to add RM50, so I passed the idea (I know, I'm so kiasu, couldn't help it).

At last, a happy ending to my bag hunt.
My patience paid about RM200 off. Hahaha...

Now, waiting for the parcel to arrive. I hope the Champagne colour will never be back in stock, because I would definitely want to buy that one instead. Can't have two colours in the same design...Or, can I?

Can't believe it took me weeks to spend RM500. Macamlah handbag idaman kalbu sangat! Mesti husband I gelakkan nanti. He doesn't know yet.

Anyway, selamat berpuasa!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Remember that bag I wanted? Last weekend, it was back on the official website. Decided to ask FV if I can order through FV instead.

Today, poof, gone again...

Why have I not learnt my lesson yet? Kalau dah suka, terus beli!!! Paham tak Ectopy?!!!

Bukan rezeki I lah tu...*Cries again*

Anyway...Work has not been better. I am still on a war with this certain colleague. I thought, I already let it go. But just now, another colleague of mine came and reported her comments about me. She said I was lazy.

First, she accused me of being insincere. Now, lazy?

Okay, I need to remind myself not to take it too seriously. Because, as long as I didn't witness what she actually said, this all could still be a rumour/ miscommunication. So, why crowd my mind with it?

Secondly, I hope there 's a hikmah behind all this. Like, perhaps, Allah will answer all my prayers. Let me make my prayers as my weapon.

My next strategy is to avoid all direct contact with her. Not that I'm scared, berani kerana benar, but I don't want to make things worse. Biarlah Tuhan yang tunjuk, I'm in no position to prove her wrong.

And, I hope people would stop telling me what she thinks of me. Everytime I started to forget about her and enjoy my work again, somebody would come and tell me news that would spoil my mood. So, I want to forget and don't want to know. In this case, ignorance is definitely bliss!


Tadi, I baca a Malaysian gossip blog. The visitors are bitching about this actress. I think it's unrealistic when we expect public figures to be friendly, happy and ready all the time! Like, hello, you yourself wouldn't be friendly, happy and ready for a photo session with your fans all the time too!

Susah jadi orang famous ni.
Buat baik pun, ada je yang tak kena...

Lepas tu, every single photo nak kena komen. I pun ada juga gambar dengan anjing. Ada juga gambar dengan non Muslims who are holding alcohol. Ada juga gambar dalam church.

To me, shouldn't be an issue. Tapi, bila celebrities yang buat, mulalah ada komen komen yang dot dot dot. Like, seriously?

Like that gymnast lah. Kesian dia...

To me, the best way to preach is by showing good examples. Setakat nak komen-komen ni, please lah, sometimes you yang nampak bodoh.

When you show good examples, orang sendiri yang tertarik dengan you. You tak payah susah susah nak berdebat.

I've never told anyone how I decided to wear tudung. I think my previous boss played a big part of it, I wish to tell him how I respect him and look up to him so much, that he really did leave a mark in my heart.

See? My boss is a guy, dia tak pakai tudung and dia tak pernah sekali pun komen about my appearance. He never indirectly or sarcastically tried to judge me or change me. He just did his work, talked about his experiences and taught me.

But I sendiri yang malu. And after my confinement, I came to work with a headscarf. He just smiled at me. Nothing more or less.

I don't know about you, but that's the kind of people I want to idolize.

Until now, whenever I thought about my hijrah, I thought about my boss. I selalu rasa he should know what he did to me, tapi I malulah...Haha.

Dulu-dulu, I selalu rasa pakai tudung ni won't define your heart. Sebab I selalu encounter orang yang I tak respect tapi pakai tudung. But my ex-boss managed to change my perception, even without him even knowing.

Dan itulah dakwah yang terbaik.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

I am in the middle of a conflict.

It's good that I am not taking sides and I get to listen to both parties. It really opens up my eyes as there are many ways to view a matter. I can understand the frustrations of both A and B, and truthfully, it's really nobody's fault and everybody's fault.

Anyway, I, myself become a victim of rumours.

There's nobody to blame, except for the people who choose to believe the rumour.

It hurts so much because
- it's not true, duh...
- my work goes unappreciated
- people end up hating me for no reason
- I am not even given the chance to explain things or defend myself or convey my side of the story

I cried because people even question my sincerity of doing my work, when in fact, ikhlas tak ikhlas tu adalah between me and God.
Sometimes, sometimes...I lose respect to orang konon-konon alim, pakai tudung labuh, sebab mulut mulut yang celupar. In my case, bukan mulut, tapi type dekat Whatsapp secara celupar. Lagi bahaya, sebab ada evidence.

Mentang-mentang I ni tak cantik, muka pun ala-ala tak suci, tak ada cahaya terpancar, senang-senang je nak lempar fitnah dan menuduh I melulu. Sampai a colleague of mine warns me that I am being targeted. Sedih sangat.

Sometimes, I question why God tests me in such way. Tapi macam kelakar pula, I ni, baru kena jentik sikit, dah nak mogok and quit my work. Lemahnya...

Whenever I feel upset because I need to work and leave my family, I think about my maid.

Maid I, anak-anak dia kecil lagi. Beza setahun dua je dengan anak I. Tapi, sebab nak mencari rezeki punya pasal, dia tinggalkan anak-anak dia. Handphone pun tak ada, nak bercakap ke, nak Whatsapp ke, nak tengok gambar ke...

If she's good to my family, I hope I can help her family too, InsyaAllah.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

I was so overwhelmed by work, I was thinking about quitting.

"I rasa nak quit lah! Sokong ke tak?"

Friend 1:
No no no no noooo!!! Never give up!
"Tapi I penat. I nak kerja office."
Office boring! Kenapa dengan you ni?

Friend 2:
Well, kalau ikutkan hati, aku sokong. Tapi kalau fikirkan masa depan kau, I can't answer that.
"I penat!"
Aku faham. Aku sangat kagum dengan perempuan, especially ibu-ibu yang buat ni. Sangat hebat.
"Or perhaps, I should take unpaid leave."
Kenapa ni?
"On the other hand, I shouldn't hate my job so much kan? Kesian orang-orang MAS yang kena laid off tu."

You janganlah quit. Rugi. You belajar mahal mahal. Kena teruskan tolong orang.


Then, I encountered some clients who are way more unfortunate than me. But there I was, whining about my life.

My life is pretty awesome actually.

I have a stable job and income.
I have a loving husband.
I have a son who is able to cheer me up.
Mother is healthy.
My previous maid lasted for a year,and this new one seems like a nice person too.
And even though my husband is far, I have reliable people around me to take care of my family. And I'm so glad that my husband is able to travel to visit us whenever he feels like it.



It was my birthday weekend!

Initially, my husband was thinking of buying me a watch that matches his.

But I want an Omega watch instead. Haha. So, my smart husband has learnt his lesson, why buy me something I don't really like? So, no watch for me... :( Boohoo...

No handbag. No jewellery. No shoes. No tablet.

You nak apa?

I wasn't craving for anything in particular. In the end, I told him to buy some Patchi chocolates. And we had dinner at a fancy restaurant.

It felt great nonetheless!

Gonna do some online shopping for a treat to myself. Bucket bag warna apa nak beli ni...!!! Definitely, not red, not black, but other colours are too vibrant for me! My old self would've rocked it, no problem, but my current mature me is more demure...Ecececeh...Haha!

I've decided to become more ladylike and demure after I find that I have many baju kurung, jubah, dresses that I rarely wear. It's time to wear them, even to a casual occasions. Besides, I kan nak jadi a better Muslim, so baju longgar longgar ni memang sesuai. It's time to buck up. Nak masuk syurga...

Sunday, May 24, 2015

I wanted this for the past 6 weeks.

I held myself from buying because
- there were more important things to do at that time
- I had two brand new handbags that I hardly use

After I was done with the important thing, I went for a holiday. So, couldn't shop. Besides, my rationale told me not to waste money because I've just spent for a holiday.

Then, the owner of FashionValet posted a picture of this bag in a different colour on Instagram.
I was like, "Ohhh, awesome taste!"

I just needed to get this. I had received the ultimate hint. It was meant to be mine...
First of all, it's really hard to find a bucket bag that I like and I don't have a bag in this design!
Secondly, it's white. Everybody needs a white bag.
Third, it's kinda cheap. The last time I fell in love with something similar, it cost like, RM14k, and that was way back when I was still a university student.

Then, 2 days ago, it was no longer on FashionValet. I panicked. Went to the official website, and it's sold out. SOLD OUT!

I was like, so sad and disappointed and and and, I just couldn't get my mind off it lah okay...I've been thinking about it for 6 weeks and suddenly, it's gone....Like, forever gone....

Whined about it to my husband for 2 days already...

Me: Abang, bag yang I nak tu dah sold out! (Siap tunjuk website to prove it)
Husband: Hahahaha...Tu lah, hari tu I suruh you beli je, you tak nak...
Me: Dah lah cantik...And murah...
Husband: Sebab dia murahlah tu habis cepat!
Me: :(((((((((((
Husband: Lain kali, jadi macam I. Kalau dah suka, tak payah fikir panjang. Beli je...
Me: T_______T

Perhaps, I should just buy it in another colour. What do you think?

Excuse me, I nak berkabung...
Being careful with my spending pun, akhirnya, I yang kecewa...


Friday, May 8, 2015

Actually, I ada tulis banyak. Semua dalam drafts. Tak publish sebab, they are incomplete. You know why? Because I wanted to write so many things, that towards the end, I became sleepy while writing them.

At this age, I've learned not to stay up late unnecessarily. Once, you're sleepy, just go to sleep! Don't fight it, or you'll end up regretting the decision. Last-last sendiri yang stress sebab tak dapat tidur.

My sleep is so precious!

Have you heard of 4 7 8 breathing exercise? It's amazing! It sure helps me to go to my slumber when I find it difficult. Just google or youtube it, okay. Make sure you recite your doa before you shut your eyes.

Well, I can't say I have a terrific sleep quality as what the many testimonials say about the breathing exercise. I kan tidur dengan anak. Pastu anak I tu light sleeper. Which means, I've never had a proper uninterrupted sleep in a long, long time, as long as the abscence of my period! Haha! Yup, I masih belum period, yeay!

Speaking of periods, talked with my bosses, and they were saying about how vague symptoms can mean you are pregnant. You are not feeling yourself? Check your urine! You are not feeling well but can't exactly pinpoint what? Check your urine! You have mysterious headches, fever, cough? Check your urine!

Of late, I've been depressed. I mean, I know exactly what makes me so unmotivated, but I usually handle it well, lasting for 1 week, at most...Then, I think I gain a bit of weight, but that's probably I am no longer actively breastfeeding...Perhaps I should check in case I'm pregnant? Haha, besar harapan! Desperate nak anak lagi!

Anyway...Deviating from the topic, why ah I always get distracted in my prayers? Short term memory ke apa? Sometimes, can't be certain of what rakaat I am in. Like, what the hell! Tak sampai 5 minit kot!
So, betullah setan ni suka mengacau! Confirm!

If an atheist don't believe in God and benda-benda ghaib, we should ask them to perform solat. Mesti diorang rasa why ah, I can't remember, why am I unsure of what I just did. So weirddd...

Friday, May 1, 2015

I enjoyed my time in Nepal. It was my last trip with my friends before I got pregnant and soon afterwards, my two friends got married.

I went there unprepared. I never hit the gym, and the only exercise I did was the walking/ jogging I did was during work, and I tried to use the stairs as much as I can.

We arrived in the dusty city, which felt like I was transported back to 1970s. Well, I never really experienced the 70s, but it felt like it, like I was one of the extras in the classic movies.

We rode the bus, cruising along the narrowest roads, saw the deepest valleys, breathed the freshest air. We jungle trekked and climbed the mountain (I whined under my breath all the time). We drank water from the river (seriously, we survived on water purifying tablets- double the recommended dose, just in case).

The locals are mostly nice and friendly. We met someone who was not very fond of us Malaysians, probably because of the ill treatment he received when he visited Malaysia and Singapore. Most of them have relatives working in Malaysia. You know, he might be that waiter who serve you at Oldtown Kopitiam...

Their stories are sad and poor. Children, being children, got excited to see tourists, with English better than most Malaysian children (and they don't even go to proper schools!), they asked for simple things like chocolates and sweets. We sacrificed our energy bars to them. They even appreciated the little boxes of raisins!

It is a beautiful country. Poor, but beautiful. A part of us wanted Nepal to remain untouched, so we can enjoy the nature for years to come. But the people need progress. They have to catch up years of developments.

I returned to Malaysia with a better attitude towards the foreigners, now that I know how difficult their lives are. They come for a better future, and better is what I want to give to/ share with them.

Nepal is in a very unfortunate state currently. Tak kesahlah walaupun bukan negara Islam, tapi I really feel for her. It's like, sudah jatuh, ditimpa tangga.

To those who share the video of them killing the buffalos, well, please have some hearts. Tak payah nak kait-kaitkan benda tu dengan musibah sekarang. How insensitive! That's like, saying Kelantan deserved to be flooded for God knows why.

Stay strong, Nepalis. I wish I could do more to help...

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I met an asnaf.
He has two wives and 17 children.
I was so upset. Like, "Dahlah kau tu tak ada duit! Lepas tu kahwin dua, pastu anak ramai, pastu pandai pula kau minta zakat! Kalau dah tak mampu tu, buatlah cara tak mampu!"

I whined to my colleague. "Inilah lelaki!"
"Wait, wait...Bukan nak defend dia, tapi dia kaya masa dia kahwin dua tu."
"Oh, okay. Kalau macam tu, I tak sakit hati sangat. Hehehe..."

According to this man, I don't know how true it is, he used to own a chain of restaurants. Then, he fell ill and he was told that he only had a few months to live. So, he sold all his property, I assume, to pay all his debts, and now, he's left with nothing.

Ehem, kalau dah banyak hutang tu, tak kaya lah tu kan...Benci betul dengan orang yang mengaku kaya tapi sebenarnya banyak hutang ni.

"Habis tu, kenapa dia buat business balik? Dah 3 tahun, tak mati lagi," I asked my colleague.
"I asked him the same thing. Dia cakap, lepas ni dia nak buka restoran balik."

Ala, you guys pun tahu kan imagination I ni macam mana.
I started to think maybe he was not a good husband, lepas tu diuji Tuhan, lepas tu dia insaf.
Seriously, my mind can make drama...

Anyway, below is such a good article. I agree 100 percent! I highly encourage you guys to read it. :)
I am still emotionally unstable, but I am better now.
My son is asleep and I decided to browse the Internet like I used too. You know, wasting time...

Anyway...So, there's this guy who people might perceive him as an all-rounder. He has a good career, earn a good income, manages to do side business, looks like he has a decent family and he even has time to explore his artsy side.

I worked with him before he quit and pursued better things in life.

If you ever worked with him before...Phew...What a horrible character. He never did things directly to me (I joined shortly just before he resigned), but my staff hated him so much.

They were all invited to his farewell party.
I saw the invitation card. But none of them went.

"Kenapa korang tak pergi makan-makan?" I asked.
"Kitorang tak hingin...Lagi suka dia berhenti kerja. Cepat-cepatlah keluar dari sini!"
"Apa yang dia buat sampai korang tak suka sangat dekat dia?"

All of them sat around me and told me
- Dia pernah baling barang dekat kita, Miss...Barang tu dah lah kotor, melekit-lekit...
- Dia suka maki kitorang, Miss...Macam-macam dia kata...Tau lah dia tu boss, kitorang ni staff biasa je...Tapi kita ni manusia juga...
- Basically, they told me that he's such an egoistic, arrogant person.

I have a confession.
Whenever I see terrible attitudes, I always wonder how can that person be married. Like, how can someone fall in love with a person like that! And, I always imagined, the spouse must be equally bad...That's why they belong together. Or, I would sympathize the spouse because he/ she is so unfortunate to end up with someone like that. Hehehe...Me and my imagination!

The reason I am writing is...
I found his blog. If I was a stranger, I would totally envy his success.

But, I know his story and I wouldn't glorify someone with that kind of attitude, no matter how successful he is.

Which makes me feel a little bit better about myself.
I keep reminding myself that I shouldn't compare myself with other people. I don't know what's going on behind closed doors. Nobody is perfect. Being me is okay too, with flaws and all...I'm not as successful, but at least I have better relationship with my staff.

This is a dark secret.
It's bad...
For me to find faults in other people to make myself feel better.
I am no saint because I've got a hint of happiness when I find out someone is less than perfect.
Like, 'I win! You are no better than me...'
My heart is not pure for feeling like this.
Ustadz would say saya ni busuk hati sikit.
That's the truth, and that's how I am feeling right now, that's my Postsecret and I am not proud of it.