Tuesday, June 19, 2018

How was your Raya?
I got to spend it with my husband and children for 5 days! Without my helper, without our moms, and my kids really enjoyed it because we let them stay up and play all day...

This Raya, I am reminded why I fell in love with husban. I can see why my jodoh is with him. His side keeps my children and I grounded. Teach us how to behave and appreciate the things that we have. Alhamdulillah.

For example, I was quite restless because we didn't have a proper family picture. I was seeing Facebook and Instagram and saw all those pretty, happy pictures, and felt pressured to keep up. I didn't want my friends to think my marriage was in trouble!

But, my husband brought us to visit his relatives and friends. Mostly the elders in the family.

One of his aunts suffers from diabetes and going to be blind due to cataracts. It's a simple procedure, but she didn't have money for the lens. Oh, my, why didn't you tell earlier? - my husband asked. She's living all by herself, how can she function if she cannot see.

Anyway, that's settled. And suddenly, I don't mind anymore if we didn't have a proper family picture.


I am mostly known for my career in his family. It's quite embarassing though. They would usually introduce me like- this is Abang's wife, she works in bla bla bla.

It makes me wonder what if one day, I wanted to quit. Imagine me like: (Sheepishly smiles) No, no, no...I don't work anymore...

Surely, there will be a lot of questions...That I don't want to answer...Because I am just tired of working??? Is that even acceptable?
Because people quit their jobs to take care of the family, usually when their children are young, or if they have many children.

I only have 2, and they are no longer babies, and my husband is not a millionaire (yet, hehehe), so, really, I don't have any reasons to stay at home...I do envy you guys who do and can be! Sigh...

Anyway, this has become about me wanting to be a housewife. Haha. The other day, I had a dream that I changed my career and it didn't go well for me. Now, it's just haunting me. Like, I don't want to make a major mistake.

I was supposed to write about my Raya and there's a lot of stories. But I think this post will do for now. Byeee!

Sunday, May 27, 2018

So many things to tell you guys...Some of the stories dah backdated dah, but, whatever...I'll start with the most recent ones

- We were shopping for the kids' baju raya in KLCC. It was very quick. My husband then went to Oakley to fix his sunglasses, and left me wandering with my son who was sleeping in the stroller. Yes, he's almost 5 and still uses the stroller. My daughter didn't follow because she was napping at home.

I randomly went inside a shop to try glasses. Saje je...Making small conversation with the salesman...Then my husband arrived, and he layan-ed me trying on the sunglasses.

Him: You nak ke? Kalau you nak, ambillah.
Me: Memanglah cantik...Tak apalah. I nak yang reflective lenses. Yang ini hitam. I dah ada hitam. Lagipun 20% discount je.

Talked, talked, talked.

Him: Betul you taknak?
Me: Nak beli ke?
Him: Ambil je lah kalau suka.

My husband is the type yang...if you like it, just buy it.

So, don't be stupid. Use the opportunity when your husband is already offering! Haha!

This is me today.

And I sent the picture to my husband.

Me: Cantik. Ingat nak pakai today, tapi hujan. Thank you for the early birthday present! Ke birthday present I lain? Haha...

Him: Hahaha...Birthday present you is the road tax. I dah bayarkan...

Me: Okaylah...Tak romantic betul bagi road tax as birthday present. Nasib baik I sayang you!

Nevertheless, Alhamdulillah...

- Suddenly, I have a thing for the Kelly bag. But I would still say No even if my husband wanted to gift me. I'm trying to make myself like Hamano now. Haha...

- I've been meaning to write about Queen for quite some time now, perhaps almost a year already. Suddenly, I heard there will be a movie about them. Terus tak jadi tulis. I don't want to be that girl that became a fan just because of a movie/ documentary. I am genuine, people!

Anyway, I still think I prefer British music than the American. Coldplay is also a great band, right! Love them!

- I didn't go for KRU concert. When I almost bought the ticket, I browsed the Youtube and found out that, I only love the songs from their earlier albums. Some, I didn't ever heard before. So, that was the dealbreaker and I'm not regretting it.

- Somehow, I ended up in Cari forum and learned a few abbreviations such as
BBNU- budak baru nak up
MBNU- mak baru nak up
Anak ORKA- orang kaya
And they use all sorts of nicknames for celebrities/ instafamous people.

Wow. This is like the time when I just found out what was PJJ almost 10 years ago.
Me: PJJ tu apa?
Staff: Perhubungan jarak jauh.
Me: (There's a term for LDR in Malay!?) Ohhh...LDR...
Staff: LDR tu apa?
Me: Long distance relationship.

- And a few months ago, I was browsing IG and came across Azah Aziz the ex- actress who married the Canadian guy.

I used to love her. I remember, even as a child, I always thought she was pretty, has really good teeth, even though she was not fair.

I grew up thinking I wasn't fair, so to have a dark, pretty heroine gave me hope. (In the end, I found out I was actually quite fair. I used to buy dark coloured make up because I really thought I was not fair! True story! I also thought I wasn't slim, and I used to buy a lot of M size which didn't fit me well)

Anyway, I loved Cinta Antara Benua and Cinta Korporat, both made me wanna go study and live abroad and have my own version of love story- didn't happen, no love story except that I met my husband there...

Now, I'm determined to re-watch the series as soon as i have free time. Saja, nak menggamit kenangan lalu...Berangan sungguh! Haha!

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

I've got somebody calling me from the UK for 2 days in a row but I'm scared to pick up the phone. Haha. Boleh ke takut dengan phone call? I'm pretty sure it's not somebody I know, because, well, they can Whatsapp me instead, right? Tried googling, but nothing came up.
So, any of you know whether this is a scam or something?

And, I have another question.

Anyone of you have extra tickets to go to KRU concert at Istana Budaya in May? Tickets to let go? I'm willing to pay RM500 max...

You see, I was excited to go but none of my friends did! So uncool, right? But they think I'm the uncool one. *Rolls eyes*

The replies I got

- I didn't know you're a big fan...
Well, I'm not. But it's one of the local bands that had caught my attention and I can sing along with! I don't want to go to a concert where I don't know the lyrics...

- I'm saving for Perhentian trip

- I'm already going to see Bruno Mars

- I'm working that weekend because I want to avoid working during Ramadhan

- I'll be busy with the election's coming up

You see, when I was overseas, whenever I missed Malaysia, I would listen to KRU. My favourite is Apa Saja because I think it is so romantic.
I also like Flop Poppy.
I listened to other songs too, but they are usually a one-hit-wonder.
And I already missed Sheila Majid's performance before!

And our gang usually would find a reason to go to Istana Budaya whenever we're back in Malaysia. Because we liked to dress up and pretend we were posh. Haha!
And...It was not so hard to secure a ticket back then. Plus, it was not that expensive too.

Anyway, KRU is so for 90s kids! And it's going to be in Istana Budaya, where it's not gonna be hot and sweaty! But I failed to convince everybody!

My husband had the best reply:

Him: But KRU ni macam budak-budak lah...
Me: What!!! They are my abang-abang!

So, I knew he wasn't interested and no way I am going alone like a freak!
Then, I gave up.

But, my super sweet husband asked me last weekend,

Him: You pergi ke konsert KRU?
Me: Tak...Semua kawan I tak nak pergi...
Him: Bila tu? You nak pergi kan...You belilah. I temankan.
Me: *Mata bersinar-sinar* Yeay!
Him: Tapi, kesian lah budak berdua ni...
Me: Ala, tinggal je lah! 3 jam je pun...(Susahnya nak tinggal anak. Perhaps I should write a separate entry on my theory why he is the way he is)

Checked for tickets- all that's left is the really expensive ones.

Me: Ala...Dah sold out...
Him: Wow, KRU pun sold out?
Me: Ye lah...Ramai orang suka KRU okay...Tinggal tiket mahal je...RM1300...
Him: Kalau tengok Mariah Carey, I sanggup.
Me: Ala...I hafal tau lagu dia...*Disappointed*

Him: Kalau Saleem buat concert, I nak tengok. I suka suara dia.
Me: Saleem?
Him: Ala, yang drug addict tu. Walaupun dia drug addict, suara dia sedap. I sanggup bayar.
Me: Buat apa you bayar dia! Dia drug addict. Nanti, dia beli dadah!
Him: Dia dah tua dah...Takkan tak insaf insaf lagi...

Hahaha...My husband and I from totally different worlds...
Saleem? He likes Saleem! And Amy Search. And Awie.
Euw. Hahahaha...

I remember one time when we were shopping, he saw Amy Search and asked for a picture together. Hahahaha...

I have a picture with Jason Mraz and I don't think my husband knows him.

I searched on Carousell too, but they are all reserved. I'm so saddddd!!!

Okay. So, yeah, I'm scouting for a pair of tickets. Please email me if you have! I'm willing to risk my anonymonity to get them.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

I am gaining weight- not a good sign.

I don't mind if I was in my early 20s, even though I was heavier, but I was not flabby. I was montok.
Now, gaining weight just means that I am not fit.

I stopped breatfeeding a few months ago. As expected, my body is suddenly so sensitive with the amount of food that I take. Previously, I was hungry and ate and I would still be 49-50kg.
Not anymore.

If I don't control my weight now, I'm pretty sure, soon, I will not fit into my zold clothes anymore. They are already tight now!

I know I need to control my appetite. But, you know lah, food nowadays, they purposely give you a bigger portion so you just have to pay more and they can make easy profits.

So cunning right? End up I'd feel guilty for spending and not finishing...

Anyway, when I see people praising new mothers who get back in shape, I'll be like- hey, I do too! It is not that hard...
Haha...Berlagak kan...
I mean, you can see all over Instagram, all these mothers rupa macam anak dara.
At least, I'm not that pretty.
I mean, those people, dahlah slim, cantik pula tu, pandai dressing, siap ada masa nak mekap mekap, lepas tu, pandai posing ambil gambar! So not fair!

Sometimes, I tell myself, I can be like that too if I were that rich, or if I were a housewife.
But, noooo...

Did I ever tell you about the time when I was so depressed, I stayed home for about one month? I was really not in the mood to go out at all, I avoided people and just be with my kids.

When they napped, I did too...I basically didn't need to move around so much...I was in ny PJs the whole day...

Yeah, so I was comot and gaining weight.

See, staying at home made ME, not everyone, but ME, lazy.

So, that pretty much made me realize, I can't even make myself beautiful even if I stayed home.
So pathetic. Haha.

At least my husband thinks I am beautiful. I hope.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

I dreamt that somebody had a crush on me and flirted with me. Haha.
I told him I have 2 kids and am happily married.
I wanted to tell my husband- Ada orang mengorat I!
But I wrongly sent the text message in the office whatsapp group and got majorly embarassed.

I woke up feeling pleasant, haha, what a funny dream!

However, I pray to God that our loyalty and love towards each other will never get challenged or compromised.

It's scary, especially when you hear a lot of stories of unfaithfulness nowadays.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Actually, I am writing this to tell you that...
I am no longer a facial spa virgin! Yeay!

So, after work, my friend sort of forced me to follow her...

I never really asked her about her facial treatment, except that I told her I never had one, and she got married recently, so she is all into this beauty thing...

What I learned/ not learned

- I don't know why we need to strip down when the beautician only concentrates on the face, neck and shoulder areas

- I got really bad review about my skin. Luckily, I am older now, so no hard feelings

- I finally found out the type of skin I have! Dry skin!

- sakit lah time dia picit picit tu! But so good...Because you don't have to do it yourself. It can be quite tiring, especially if you have skin like mine.
And my face didn't turn red. How did she do it!

- I like the eye massage because I instantly could see the difference

- my friend excitedly told me that the beautician can do my eyebrows too. I'm like, "No, it's fine, maybe next time..."
And she said, "Okay, I trim saja lorh..."

Me- frozen.
The first time anybody touched my eyebrows was on the day I got married. I didn't know how to say No at that time. I pray God wil forgive me and promised I won't do it again.
Then, yesterday, somebody trimmed my eyebrows

- now I understand why some celebrities become prettier and fairer, and why some look so timeless...
The amount of time and money they spend to maintain the youthful looks...


So, would I do it again? Yes. But maybe at a different place. Just because of the eyebrow incident. Perhaps I should try the normal Muslim facial spa next.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

I was upset for the past few days. Actually, I still am sad about it because whenever I think about it, I cry or almost cry.

Basically, *Aliah told me about what *Betty and *Celine think about me. They are not good opinions. Betty and Celine have never even met me in person and they already have bad impressions on me.

So, Betty called Aliah, probably about other matters, but she mentioned me, so I guess they must have been talking a great length about me, exchanging views and digging my history that I don't want people to know. I'm sure they all know now.

Aliah herself, is not a great person to be close with. Sometimes, she's nice, or acting nice, you just don't know. We just have to be careful.

Anyway, now that I'm upset, I keep thinking- why are some people so mean?

As I'm trying to analyse this, I asked myself not to jump into conclusions. Perhaps it's a small matter, but I'm just being extra anxious.

Is Aliah mean?
Is Betty mean?
Is Celine mean?
I don't know.

Then, who's fault is it? Is it my fault?

Do they even know how hurtful it is to me? I am a 30 plus year old lady, with 2 kids, and I still cry about work (or it's the PMS).

This is pathetic.


Because of this episode, I want to remind myself and my children that God is fair.

I truly believe He is fair, that He makes everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses.

Aliah may be successful, but she has problems in her marriage.
Betty may think she's smart, but she's unmarried and doesn't have children (it may be her own choice, but whatever, let me have my moment, okay?)
Celine- well, I don't know much about her, but maybe, a lot of people don't like her too? Who knows. Yang penting, she's not perfect either.

So, the lesson here is- Stay humble.

Do not think you are above anyone else.

Have I seen an almost perfect person? Sure, I have. But they do not offend me, so, I'm happy for them, maybe they really deserve all that blessings.

But hey, to those who think I am stupid and cannot do my job properly-
At least I am happy at home.

If all my efforts go unappreciated, it's okay, because I do it with ikhlas.


I also realized I'm not really good in expressing myself other than to write about it.

I told my friend that I was upset and she asked me out, but I just can't bring myself to tell her what exactly happened.

I cried in the loo, washed my face, had lunch and talked about everything else, as if I was unaffected, as if I was joking about it.

I really need to get professional help. Am I depressed? Am I bipolar? Do I need to quit my job? Maybe I should migrate.

Sigh. I just want to have a stress free life.

Monday, January 22, 2018

In the 90s, I was a kid and a teenager.
Boy, it was a great time. Especially when I was in secondary school.
I kearned a lot, discovered a lot of things, went out with my friends almost monthly to Sunway Pyramid (we were just 14 and our parents let us! How cool was that!)...
Also, we laughed a lot. I remember always looking forward to school so I could meet my friends and gossip. And we continued talking at home via the landline.
I began to listen to music and memorising the lyrics. Those days, you could just listen properly and it will stuck with you forever- I know because I can still sing along to the music, even now :)

Whenever I listen or watch certain music/ videos from that era, I always, always feel very nostalgic. I would smile, not because I can remember all the details of my life back then, but because I could remember how I felt- pure happiness.

No heartbreaks, no struggles, very minimal obstacles...Life was awesome!

Then, college and university...This was the time when I watched a lot of movies. I frequented the cinemas because...I didn't really go clubbing or bars...So, the cinema was the entertainment I could afford.

I watched all kinds of movies. I even went alone sometimes, early in the morning.
I realized I didn't mind doing things alone.

Now, I haven't set a foot in the cinema for many, many years, it's pathetic.

No lah, it's not really pathetic. I have a gorgeous family, what more can I ask for.
I pray my children would have awesome memories too growing up.
Please include me in your good memories. Be good to me. Love me like I love you both now and forever...

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Dida told me about our friend, Yana, who said, "My life would have been perfect if I had a child."
She does have everything else except that.

Dida told her off. "You should be grateful!"

Dida's sister had a son, the only child. He was 9 years old when the parents brought him to Indonesia. It has been a yearly ritual, to bring him overseas, and return on his birthday's eve, so he could celebrate his birthdays with his other family members.

During the trip, he got sick. When he arrived, he was so weak, he couldn't walk. They rushed him to a hospital. (They went to a GP in Indonesia, and was given anti diarrhoea)

Dida was at the hospital too. He said, "Auntie Dida, you are here."

Dida saw him fitting on the hospital bed. Dida and the child's parents witnessed the CPR.

He passed away on his 9th birthday.
His last words were, "I'll be okay."


Dida's sister had a maid. She was nice, but she made a mistake. She ran away and got pregnant. She returned, asking Dida's sister to adopt the child.

Since the boy had no siblings, he begged his parents for a brother. They agreed.

2 weeks after Dida's nephew died, the maid ran away again as she couldn't bear living in a house without him (she loved the boy like her own). 

The baby was about 2 months old.
Now, the baby is 2 years old.


But life is not perfect.
My life would have been relatively perfect too, if I had that one thing that I really want, but I don't know whether I will ever get.

However, I'm happy that I have a comfortable life.

I respect people who survived tragedies.
They must have been special to go through it.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Both children are already asleep and I am excited to update this pathetic blog.
But, what shall I write about?

Do I write about my husband's tantrums/ mid-life crisis?
Someone pressed a police report against him because they got into a physical fight and he whacked him first, and he didn't tell me until a few days later!
OMG, so drama. I just told him that he really shouldn't be involved in fights because umur dah 40 lebih, puh-lease!!!

Because of that, it reminded me the time when he told me that he slapped a Tesco worker because the trolley carts hit my son. According to him, what made him really angry was, my son was just standing there, he wasn't running around or anything, when the trolley carts (yes, trolley carts in a long line) hit my son and he bled, but the worker didn't even say sorry.

I guess it was so scary, my son terus tak jadi menangis when he saw my angry husband.

I advised my husband to have more patience, but in my husband's defense, he said that man hurt our son. I couldn't say anything more.

Oh, my...Even though I wasn't there during both occurence, I still feel embarassed. I can't believe I married someone who has this kind of temper.
I mean, I didn't even know he can be like that! I know him as a chill guy, very loving and gentle...

And that's why I'm telling you, he's going through a mid-life crisis. What else can explain it?