Thursday, January 31, 2008

i am a bitch.

I am so weird.
I can't sympathize people I personally know easily.
But I could cry a river seeing/ reading about poor people in the newspapers, blogs or on the streets.

My friend's mother's cancer is probably coming back.
I can't sympathize her, I don't know why!
I'm such a bad friend.
What if the same things happen to me? Wouldn't it hurt if nobody sympathized me?

It's worse because deep down I think she is exaggerating things and asking for sympathy.

I hate these feelings.

To justify my feelings, I tell myself
- the cancer is only a probability. it has not been confirmed yet. Why stress and be all negative to something not certain yet?
- stop being negative. It's a doa if you have an optimistic thinking!
- they are many other people have it worse than you (eg: the people I read about), but do they complain? Why do you think the world revolves around you?
- those people can't even afford treatments, but you could.
- and it is not like the cancer is totally incurable!
- Mother has the same tumour, although not as advanced as her mother had, but I never want to be sympathized.

I am such a bitch, ain't I?

I should just sympathize her but I can't make myself to, why am I so abnormal!!!

I know different react differently to the same situation, I should keep an open mind and stop judging people.
And it's not like the way I handle mother's condition is any better. I refuse to believe Mother is sick, that's why I don't tell people about it?

Shoot me to death.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Once, in Istanbul, Turkey, father, mother, my sister and I were stucked in an elevator.
They began panicking but I started to laugh.
Father scolded me for laughing.

'Lighten up, we are not going to die in the lift!' I thought.
I was mad at him for being so serious. Chill la...Why can't he see the humour in that situation?

Sure enough, a few minutes after that, the elevator began to work again.

no head, no heart, no hurry, no hate, no fun, no muss, no city, no state,
no card, no kid, no call, no kiss, no book, no bread, no hit, no miss,
no tears, no laugh, no love, no sin, no hand to put my handshake in
no header, no footer, no girl, no boy, no good, no better, no touch, no toy

there is only air
where i used to care

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Due to the side effects of the current meds, the doctor prescribed me two compeletely new, stronger meds.
"Do you find the meds help?" to which I answered yes.
"Too bad we can't continue it," she said.
However, I refused to take it and continue with the old meds. I can still handle the side effects.
They were working so well on me. Now that I have to stop them, I don't have other alternatives to treat my condition. I need to treat my condition.

Bila kawan pulang, saya tinggal berseorangan.
Naik kenderaan awam.
Secara tiba-tiba, perasaan sangat sedih datang. Sedih sangat sampai mata berkaca-kaca.
Air mata jatuh berderai-derai sebaik sahaja melangkah masuk dalam kenderaan awam.
Saya sedaya upaya mengawal diri. Malu nanti passengers lain nampak.
Samada mereka pura-pura tak nampak atau memang suasana sudah gelap.
Ramai orang baru pulang dari kerja.
Wajah expressionless tapi air mata tak berhenti mengalir.
Cuba menahan kedipan mata untuk mengeringkan moisture di mata tapi tak berjaya.
Beritahu diri untuk ignore the pain, think of happy times.
Sesi berinteraksi dengan teman lelaki pula gagal.
Dia sedang melobi orang penting.
Telefon bimbitnya kehabisan bateri.
Bertambah sedih. Kira-kira sejam. Lama tu...
Saya tak paham kenapa saya menangis.
Saya tak paham kenapa saya sedih.
Depresi salah satu kesan sampingan ubat juga ke?
Tiba-tiba teringat semua dugaan hidup dan mungkinkah ini balasan Tuhan untuk dosa-dosa yang banyak?

Saya benci beremosi sebegitu.

Masuk ke rumah, tunaikan kewajipan dan matikan telefon.
Apabila terjaga, si teman lelaki beri SMS terakhir pada pukul 7 pagi.
"Baru sampai rumah. Penat gile. I call you nanti."
Melobi apa ni pukul 7 pagi baru sampai rumah!
Projek berapa juta sampai kena bincang tak tidur!

Concious cakap: Harap teman lelaki dapat projek tu. Dia kerja kuat.

Perasaan tenang kembali.
Jom makan.

Cepatlah menstruasi sekarang.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

I can't cook.

I will be much happier if I knew my way around the kitchen.
No matter how much I try to follow the recipe, it won't turn out good as it is supposed to be!
I'm so sad, my boyfriend is a better cook than me!

Maybe I am not good in cooking, but I'm good in baking! Or so I thought...

I tried to bake kek jagung. The freshly baked cake tasted okay, I thought it was a success attempt! Before letting others to taste it, before distributing it among friends (yes, I actually wanted to celebrate my so-called successs dengan penuh perasan), I let it cool down first.

After it cooled down, it was very hard! Hard like...Not as a rock, but I don't know, it was hard and yucky!

Riwayatnya ditamatkan dalam tong sampah.

My boyfriend always encourages me to practice to polish my skills.

But why can't anybody understand I simply CANNOT cook!
I can cook for myself but that's because I don't mind to eat tasteless cookings and I couldn't bear the thought of letting others to have a taste on my meals. It is not this nor that, it is recently invented by moi, and it is too plain.

The irony thing is, my mother is a housewife and why oh why I didn't possess the her talent? Yes, to me, cooking is a talent. She could have opened a restaurant if she wanted to. She single-handedly did all the foods for our raya open house. My mother is a superwoman, I tell you! And our open house is not the small-small type, siap ada khemah bagai! Tapi itu zaman dulu-dulu la...Masa father was still working...Now, they don't bother to maintain good relationships with their 'friends' who only seek for Father when in troubles, and time finally gets to them. Mother doesn't enjoy cooking anymore, she wants to rest. She always says, "Dari zaman kamu semua sekolah, sampai sekarang anak kamu pulak sekolah, Mother juga yang kena masak! Mother sudah penat!" lalu dia pergi mogok tak mahu masak. "Pandai-pandailah cari makan sendiri," she said.

The boyfriend pula, is very natural in the kitchen. The thing is, he likes to cook in big portion. Siapa kena paksa habiskan? Moi. Siapa yang bakal gemuk? Moi juga. (Tapi memang sedap pun, I don't mind pun...Hehe)

I hope my future mother-in-low won't be bothered too much about me lacking cooking skills.

I could tolong-tolong potong sayur and basuh pinggan!
I potong sayur very halus, I swear. Seriously. Tak percaya, boleh tengok sendiri.

Remember my boyfriend's company is sponsoring a soccer team?
Last night, the team players received new jerseys.
Eh, bukan hari tu baru bagi jersey ke?
"Ni yang lain punya...Biar bagi diorang semangat sikit main bola."
Amboi-amboi, tak lama lagi kena bagi kasut bola pula ke...
"Haaa...Malam tadi, diorang dah request dah pun! Siap request nak pergi bercuti dekat mana tah kalau menang!"

Amboi-amboi mereka ni! Pijak kepala nampak!

"One of them saw I was writing an SMS to you," my boyfriend told me.
"Dia cakap: Guna English dengan girlfriend?" he continued his story.
"I dalam hati cakap: Eh, eh, dia ingat girlfriend kita ni kerja kilang ke!" he finished his story at that.

"You ni...Dekat luar merendah diri, tapi dalam hati, berlagak gile!" I teased him.

"Tak apa...Asalkan orang tak tahu...Hahaha..." he defended himself.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


Saya nak kahwin.
Tapi KENAPA............
Bila nak kahwin ni lah, banyak benda nak buat?

Contohnya, panjat gunung.
Contohnya, jadi sukarelawan di Darfur.
Contohnya, gain some working experience in California.

Now, I can't only think about myself, but I have to think about my other half too. Decisions must be made together because he is going to be a part of my life.

The ugly side of this is, sometimes I think the 'I-need-to-think-about-him-too' is tiresome. Tedious. It's making life more complicated.

I would've just said, "Yes, I am definitely going!" instead of, "I need to think about it first."

Sure, I've always tell people I hate living abroad. But I am not stupid to let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity slip away. And the money is pretty good.

Hmm...Is this an alarm going off? Is this a sign? Should I re-think about marriage?

I'm pretty sure I want to get married. It is just that I WANT MANY THINGS AT THE SAME TIME and WHY CAN'T I HAVE ALL THE THINGS I WANT NOW?

Oprah said, "You can have all the things you want, just not at the same time."

As tempting as it sounds, I hope I will do just as well in Malaysia. Who says my CV won't stand out, who says I can't be successful if I didn't have the California work experience!

At least, I'll get paid in the same amount. I must think of how much money I could spend with the same amount of money in Malaysia!

I let go.

I was transported to my past when I told my friend about my first love. After so many years, I couldn't believe the thought of him brought so many emotions in me. I composed myself well, controlled my trembling voice and held back tears. I repeatedly told myself, "I am okay. I am happy with my new man," but it still hurt.

Whenever my friends are reminded about him, all they can say is, how mean he was to me. I say the otherwise. He is a good man, he is simply not for me. He is the man who taught me many things. We just don't end up with each other. He did many nasty things to me, but he built one part of me that I am today, and I thank him for that. I don't blame him. I wouldn't find my current boyfriend if I was still with him.

But the emotions surprised me. I thought I've let him go.

After my friend left, I rummaged through his stuff which I still keep after all these years. I looked at mainly, his pictures, our pictures. We were young.

And I smiled. From time to time, I laughed. I laughed because I thought, "How could I possibly live with this guy if I ever married him! I must be crazy."

It was such a relief. Now, I am sure that my current boyfriend is the right guy for me.


The irony thing was, the guy I dated before this sent me an SMS just now. He said he was looking at my cards and he was so sad because I am no longer with him.

I am aware he is still hoping for me, that's why I distant myself from him.

I don't know why he is so much in love with me, I've always treated him so badly. Apparently, according to him, he was in an emotional wreck after I commit myself to my current boyfriend, he feels suicidal and has to attend psycological therapies.

I'd like to think he attends the therapy sessions because he has mental problems.

I believe he will let me go.

Monday, January 21, 2008

When you see a broken clock, it still reads the correct time at least twice a day.

Long time ago, I could cheat my way through and pretended I was okay when I met people I didn't like.
I can't do it anymore.
Now, whenever I am around them, I become quiet and I avoid looking them in their eyes.
I guess, I've learned that it is okay not to like everybody because not everyone like me.
And it is better not to talk than talk thrash about them afterwards, like a hyprocrite, bringing myself down to the same level as them.

Saturday, January 19, 2008


I know someone who was married to a hotel owner.
It makes me wonder what's the chance of me meeting and marrying one. It sure sounds like fun!

Bila pikir-pikir balik, tak mahulah...Hotel mana yang tak jual arak...Nak ke suami terlibat dengan alcohol?

My friend told me to be engaged is a very difficult time. She and many people believe it.

So, they are a few guys approaching her even though they know she is engaged and she is quite tempted and at the same time, clueless on what to do.

Okay, I admit, I am no angel but I can preach like an ustazah when I feel like it, especially when it comes to giving advice to my friends. And this friend of mine has a good Islamic foundation, so, it is easier to put things into perspective.

Her: Macam mana kita nak tahu, siapa sebenarnya jodoh kita. Mana tahu, Tuhan nak tunjuk yang dialah jodoh sebenarnya I, bukannya tunang I...Sebab itulah dia datang sebelum I kahwin...
Me: Memanglah kita tak tahu, tapi at least you have to fight for your relationship, you have to resist all temptations...Kalau dah buat semua tu, tapi hati masih ragu-ragu, barulah boleh nak putus tunang. You jugak yang cakap, bertunang ni banyak cabaran, masa ni lah Tuhan banyak bagi ujian.
Her: Tapi, bukan I yang cari lelaki tu, dia yang cari I!
Me: Kalau dia lelaki yang baik, dia takkan ganggu pertunangan you. Islam kan dah cakap...
Her: Betul...Tapi kalau nak bandingkan dia dengan tunang I sekarang, dia jauh lebih baik, dari segi career...Even ilmu agama dia pun lagi tinggi.
Me: Tak semestinya orang yang banyak tahu ilmu agama tu, orang yang baik...Contohnya macam *Hafiz. *Iza tu pun, nampak je alim, tapi banyak menyakitkan hati orang lain...
Her: Kalau betul-betul dia baik macam mana?
Me: Tanyalah dia, kalau bersungguh-sungguh nak dekat you, dia sanggup tak nak nikah terus dengan you?
Her: I rasa, dia okay aje. Dia mampu. Kenapa?
Me: Kadang-kadang, lelaki ni suka saje-saje...Memanglah dia mampu, tapi dia sanggup tak? Then, you compare with your fiance. If you ask him to marry you next week, will he do it? Mesti dia sanggup kan...You kata you nak tahu siapa jodoh you...Bila dah kahwin, lelaki tuh la jodoh you...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The tastebud.

You taste:
- sweet things with the tip of your tounge
- salty foods are tasted mainly at the front of the tounge
- sour taste buds sit at the edges
- bitter tastes are at the back of the tounge.

Semen doesn't just contain sperm, but fluids secreted by several glands during ejaculation.
During sexual arousal, and close to the point of climax, semen travels from the epididymis through a tube called the vas deferens. Here, it picks up a fluid rich in fructose - a sugary substance that acts a bit like rocket fuel.
Other fluids kick in along the way to the urethra (the tube that runs the length of the penis). This comes from the prostate gland, the Cowper's glands and the seminal vesicles. Some secretions are designed to neutralise acids (such as urine traces in the urethra), others provide vital enzymes).
The finished product contains approximately just 10% sperm. The rest consists of enzymes, vitamin C, calcium, protein, sodium, zinc, citric acid and fructose sugar.

A joke I read somewhere:

Woman: Professor, if the semen contains sugar, why doesn't it taste sweet?

The class broke into laughters.
The professor thought about it for a while.

Professor: Well, that's because you don't taste it with the tip of your tounge, but at the back of your throat!


Dolls and beers.

Semalam baca blog kawan.

She collects dolls.

Suami dia cakap, berhentilah simpan anak patung dalam rumah, nanti malaikat tak masuk.

Dia jawab, kalau ada arak dalam rumah pun, malaikat tak masuk.

Terus suami dia diam.

I find it funny. Hahaha.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Biase la, Melayu...

"Oh, my soccer team will play in the tournament at 5pm today," my boyfriend informed me.

Since my boyfriend does play football regularly, I just wished him good luck. He used to play everyday, or every other day, to keep fit. He had an ankle injury, which stopped him from playing so he concentrated on his work. Now that he is getting better, I support him to do sports whenever he can. Dah tua kena jaga kesihatan.

That night, I asked my boyfriend, "Did you win?"
He said, "No, it was a draw. *Fariz requested for it. So I told the players not to win. But we are still qualified for the next round!"
I was confused with this little arrangement and I demanded an explaination.

It turned out that my boyfriend didn't play for his team. 'His' team actually the team the company is sponsoring. *Fariz is our friend, who is the boss of the other company sponsoring *Fariz's team.

"What's your team name?" I asked.
"No name. Nama team ikut nama DUN kawasan. We are competing for Piala UMNO," he said.

Didn't I tell you not to be involved in politics?

"Abang bukan nak join sangat...But it is for the company's sake. Kena buat promotion sikit, biar orang kenal and percaya company ni. You jangan risau sayang, I behind the scene saja. Yang dekat Putrajaya, I tak masuk campur, I suruh *Lan yang turun padang," was my boyfriend's answer.

It's his job, I shouldn't interrupt too much, he knows what he is doing. My speciality is not in business or finance or marketing or PR anyway, so, what do I know?
Well, as long as I am not marrying an actual politician...

I changed the topic, back to the game.

My boyfriend said he enjoyed the tournament very much because his players played really well.
"I cakap dengan diorang, kalau menang, dapat RM100, kalau seri, dapat RM50 sorang. Terus main bersungguh-sungguh lepas tu," he said.

Macam professional football players pula ada gaji.

How did you select the players? Are they teenagers?

"We held a try-out. They are in their 20s and 30s. I used to play alongside with them. But since I am busy now, I need to take care of my health. I can't risk an injury, I need to attend many meetings," he said.

He continued to tell me,

"Team Abang ni...Kena sogok dengan duit baru rajin nak main! You tau tak, masa datang training pun mintak RM10 sorang! Kalau tak bagi duit, tak mahu datang. Biase la, Melayu..."

Biase la, Melayu...

The pills 2.

The doctor prescribed me with two medicines which costed me around RM120.

Okay lah, not a bad price, I hope they work to heal me. But I hate the fact that I have to wait for 3 to 6 months to actually see some improvements.

She said, "Are you sexually active? You cannot take it if you are pregnant."

I should've just requested for the contraceptive pills then, right? Bodohlah.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I was not in the mood to talk to my boyfriend after I came to know about the third party that will make it difficult to get married.

He was trying to cheer me up, "I sebenarnya dah beli cincin untuk you".

Why does he always spoil the surprise!

"You nak cincin emas kan?"
"I cakap I nak platinum lah!" I raised my voice, annoyed and still upset.
"Oh, yeke? I lupa...Bukan hari tu you cakap you nak emas, senang nak gadai?"
"Hey! Buat apa nak gadai cincin kahwin I pulak!"
"Silap, silap! Sorry! Bukan you nak gadai...Sorry, sorry...Bodohlah Abang ni..." my boyfriend apologized profusely.
"I cakap, I nak platinum, tapi sebab platinum tu mahal, I cakap, you boleh beli emas," I tried to calm down.
"Ye...Baru Abang ingat...Betullah...You cakap, untuk kahwin kali ni, beli emas saja, tapi bila kita kahwin sekali lagi, baru beli platinum..."

Kadang-kadang, this boyfriend of mine, boleh menambahkan lagi ke-upset-an saya yang sememangnya dah upset.

Somehow, my mood was lifted again. Before we bid our goodbyes,

"Abang lupa nak bagitau...Mulai esok, I mula masuk kelas Feqah balik...Tapi janganlah bagitau orang ye..."

I am not telling anybody, I'm anonymous in this blog. :)

"Dah tua-tua baru nak belajar...Dulu masa kecik, malas belajar," I teased him.
"Hey, I dulu belajar, tapi stop kejap sebab busy kerja..." he said. "You ni, suke kenakan I...Nanti lepas kahwin, kita tengok siapa lagi pandai baca Quran. I nak lawan you," he continued.
"You mana boleh lawan I baca Quran!"
"Kenapa pulak tak boleh?" he thought I was challenging him.
"You tak boleh lawan I baca Quran, you kena AJAR I baca Quran..." I said in my sweetest voice.
He smiled.

The pills.

I have an appointment with the doctor after this.

I don't know, whether, should I or should I not, at the same time, request for contraceptive pills.
I am going to be married soon, and I don't want to become pregnant. You want me to beheaded by my parents?!

I told a friend about this. I said I want the pills simply because it's good for the body. It improves problematic skin and it regulates the period cycles. She doesn't know I want it as a contraceptive.
Her response was: "It'll make you fat"

I know that some people complains the pills make them fat, but I don't know whether to believe it. Fat. They complain donating blood make them fat too, but I know that is a total bullshit.

I've talked to my boyfriend and he said he doesn't want me to take the pills. Simply because he believes it is not good for me because I've never been pregnant before.
"What if I get pregnant?"
"I won't ejaculate inside you"
"Condoms are not 100% effective," I argued.

Deep in my heart, I want to get pregnant. I love babies. It is probably my time, my maternal instinct has kicked in. But, my rational says I should have some sort of family planning.

Ooohh...And I want to know how it feels like when my husband ejaculate inside me!

Our scheduled marriage is being postponed again. My boyfriend is busy and there's a third party who makes it more difficult for us to be discrete about our 'niat suci murni' (getting married is niat suci murni, right?)

I've improved my doa: Ya Allah, permudahkanlah amal kebaikanku, jauhkanlah aku dari kemaksiatan.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


Teacher apologises for tapping girls’ cheeks

KUCHING: A teacher had to apologise to two students for tapping their cheeks with a diary when they turned up at their former school without wearing their headscarf (tudung).

He was cautioned for his action and was advised to be tactful when discharging his duties as the school's disciplinary teacher.

The students, Nadya Islyanna Othman and her friend Taqwatul Zaffrinie, both 17, claimed that they were slapped with a diary by the discipline teacher for turning up at their former school without their headscarf on Tuesday.

The two girls, together with Nadya's father, Othman Maidin, 48, lodged a report at the Kuching police headquarters at 11.30am the same day.

However, the matter was settled amicably after the students' parents accepted the teacher's apology at a four-and-a-half-hour meeting yesterday.

At the meeting which was also attended by school principal Hasanah Junaidi, state Education disciplinary officer Georgina Apphia Ngau and several officials from the state Education Department, it was found that the teacher had only tapped the two girls on the cheeks with a diary.

State Education deputy director Mortadza Alop said there was no criminal intention in the actions of the teacher, who had acted in good faith.

Othman told the New Straits Times that he accepted the teacher's apology and understood his duty as a disciplinary teacher.


My comment:

Stupid father and stupid students.

1- This is a small matter, you don't have to go to the newspaper/ police to tell the world your daughter was 'tapped'.

2- The students should learn how to respect the school. Bodoh. Sengaja cari pasal.

3- Biaselah...Budak kampung yang baru nak kenal dunia memang rebel tak tentu pasal macam tu...Tambah pula ada bapak memanjakan anaknya...

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Suka kaya.

Saya suka bila dengar cerita pasal orang-orang berjaya.
Pasal dia yang kerja di syarikat insurans baru setahun dah pakai BMW.
Pasal dia yang kerja di luar negara dengan syarikat besar-besar.
Pasal dia yang mempunyai kerja cool dan gaji besar.

Saya suka.

Terutamanya bila orang itu lelaki Melayu.

Semoga lebih berjaya!

Tapi, tak semestinya orang yang tidak bergaji besar, tidak memakai kereta besar, tak berjaya. Mungkin dia saja merendah diri kan?

Macam seorang kenalan saya. Dia amat berjaya. Tapi sekali pandang, nampak macam biasa sangat. Kereta tak mewah langsung, rosak sana sini.

Sekarang masih bekerja kuat untuk memenangi hati ibu bapa si gadis.
Lelaki cakap pada kawannya, "Aku bukan sengaja nak kerja kuat-kuat untuk dapat duit juta-juta, tapi aku mahu si gadis bangga dengan aku. Aku tak mahu famili dan kawan-kawannya pandang rendah pada dia kerana memilih aku. Dan aku mahu memberi apa yang layak untuknya".

Mengharukan. Tapi, ketahuilah lelaki, si gadis tak kisah dengan itu semua. Biarlah hanya berdua yang tahu betapa kayanya nikmat hidup apabila berdua bersama.

Sebab, kalau tak kaya pada harta, tak semestinya tak kaya dari segi lain, kan?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Besarnya tanggungjawab pemimpin

"Hey. Can I tell you something? I am expanding my prospects. The election is next year. I need to be involved with politics so I could get my hands on the government projects easily. I need to know the right people. It is the only way," he told her.

He is getting friendly with politics. She was alarmed by this because she doesn't want to be married to a busy man.

"I am not becoming a politician, I am training *Lan to be one," he explained.
She was relieved when she heard this, her boyfriend won't become like 'them'!
Out of curiosity, she asked, "Why didn't you try to compete for the post?"
"Oh, I am too old for it. Besides, I don't have the look and he is the son of a Datuk. *Lan would be more suitable for the post, I am sure many will vote for him," he said.

It got her thinking: They are competing not because they genuinely want to help the society but for the benefits of themselves!

She disgusted. Thank God, her boyfriend is not the front man. She would have persuaded him to step down if he was.

"Good, it's not you. You make the right choice," she tried to be supportive. Hey, at least he won't be competing. "I tanak you busy lepas kahwin nanti. Takut tak ada masa untuk anak-anak," she expressed some of her concerns.
"I pun fikir macam tu juga. Sebab tu, I takkan bertanding," he said.
"Aren't you afraid becoming a politician? Tanggungjawab besar. Pemimpin kalau buat kerja tak betul, berdosa..."
"Memang betul," he agreed. "Tapi *Lan baik. I yakin dia boleh buat," he said.

When I was little, I already had a vision: I will be successful in life, I will be rich, my husband will be a great, well-known, adored leader.

Because my mind was being implemented with the ideality of life at such tender age, my immature self thought the best husband candidate would be a successful politician slash businessman slash doctor or engineer.

But as I grew up, I found out politics are dirty. I learned that with fame there comes responsibilities.

[ A popular singer plays a role to set a good examples because many people are influenced by that singer. He/ she is an icon. He/ she cannot do whatever she wants like normal people! People are looking up to the singer. The teenagers, especially, wear what the singer wears and do what he/ she does! Why do advertisement companies hire them to sell products, you think?
"But hey, am I not entitled to lead my life the way I want? It is my life! Why am I being judged all the time? Just because I am famous, it doesn't mean I am not human, it is not fair!" the singer wondered.
Because nothing is free. You have the looks, you have the wealth, you have the fame, so, you have to sacrifice this part of life of yours. It is only fair. ]

Kalau seorang celebrity pun sudah mempunyai tanggungjawab sebegini, apatah lagi seorang pemimpin masyarakat.

With knowledge, a good leader knows it is difficult to become a leader. It is risky. You have to balance between your personal/ family life from work/ society.
A leader belongs to the society because he is voted by them. Because of this, we, the voters too, have the responsibilities to choose the best candidate to represent us.
(Jangan sebab anda tak undi, masyarakat dapat pemimpin yang kurang baik. Jangan cakap tak tahu nak undi yang mana, jangan duduk atas pagar, anda dewasa dan cukup matang untuk mengundi pemimpin yang paling baik, anda tak bodoh)

In Islam, to summarize
- bekerja perlu ikhlas
- pemimpin bertanggungjawab menjaga kebajikan anak-anak buahnya dan jangan sesekali menyeleweng. Ini bermakna, bila berpolitik, niat perlulah untuk menjaga kebajikan maslahat, bukan untuk senang dapat perjanjian-perjanjian jual beli, bukan kerana tertarik dengan gaji dan elaun yang tinggi, bukan untuk menambahkan contacts
- jangan mencampur adukkan soal peribadi apabila bekerja. Ini bermakna, jangan gunakan masa bekerja untuk chatting, untuk balas e-mail peribadi atau untuk tulis blog. Anda dibayar dan dipertanggungjawabkan untuk bekerja, jadi jangan jadikan sumber pendapatan anda setiap bulan menjadi haram

[ A headmister slash businessman. When you are at school, you do your headmister job. You can't make business calls using the school telephone. It is wrong. Melanggar etika. When you want to have business talks, you can't do it during your working hours. You can't mencuri tulang.
Wisely, the headmister has business talks outside the working hours ie: after dinner.
Which means, he has less and less time for his family, he is seldom at home. ]

Itu baru pemimpin sekolah (headmister), inikan pula ahli politik/ pemimpin negara!

Jadi, saya ingin nasihatkan di sini, dalam politik, tidak kiralah politik dalam kelas, sekolah, pejabat atau negara, yang paling utama ialah:
NIAT. Apabila niat anda salah, anda boleh jadi berdosa.

Saya harap, pemimpin negara akan lebih berhati-hati apabila memegang jawatan sebagai seorang pemimpin.
Dan kepada anak-anak dan para isteri seorang ahli perniagaan slash pemimpin slash itu dan ini, harap bersabar dan memahami dengan kesibukan mereka.

I am not ready to become the woman behind a pemimpin masyarakat yet. I am not ready to share my husband with the society yet.
Biarlah setakat ini, berkongsi dengan keluarga dan Tuhan.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My resolution is to be humble

A woman, in a black jubah, with three children and her husband around her, approached my boyfriend.

She called out my boyfriend's name. My boyfriend didn't recognize her at first. She said, "Saya, *Wanie...Ingat tak?"

My boyfriend needed to go to the toilet badly, so he explained to her that he had to go. In the toilet, he scanned his memory for her face. She was his schoolmate many, many years ago.

After cleaning himself up, he saw *Wanie was still there waiting patiently for him.

"Saya nak pinjam duit. Saya tak ada duit nak balik rumah," she explained herself. Her thin, red-eyed, scruffy-looking husband watched from afar, almost hiding from my boyfriend.

Looking at the drug addict, my boyfriend was reluctant to loan her money because he knew the husband will use it to get more drugs. But, how could anybody not pity the children?

My boyfriend just did some shopping for his work, and all was left in his wallet was RM10. He gave it to her.

*Wanie thanked him. She said, "Saya tinggal di *****. Awak tahu kan rumah saya? Nanti awak datanglah ke rumah saya, saya akan ganti balik".

"Tak ape...Saya sedekah, untuk anak-anak awak," my boyfriend told her.

"RM10? What could she do with RM10?" I asked.
"I seriously didn't have money in wallet. You know me, I can't have cash in my wallet or I'd spend it," my boyfriend defended himself.
"Kesiannya...." it kinda haunts me.
"Dah tahu drug addict, lagi mahu dijadikan suami!" my boyfriend was half-mad. "Entah-entah, suami dia yang amik duit tu beli dadah".
"That cheap? RM10 boleh beli dadah ke?" I honestly don't know.
"Boleh...Dadah yang murah...Ada..."

I wanted to protest. He maybe was not a drug addict, maybe he was someone who genuinely had a rough time and needed some help.
Because I really want to believe he was not another drug addict.

What a humble reminder to start off the new year...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

secret party

If according to plan, we'll be official in a few months.
A few months.

Have you ever attended a secret marriage before?
Someone whom I am not really close with, had a secret marriage last year. From what I heard, he always speak ill of his wife.
They do not live together due to geographical factor.

One of our friends went to see his wife, a muallaf, and told us differently. His wife was kind and warm, and she took care of all of their children alone.

This man met a woman from the internet. The woman insisted of getting married, so he complied. The first wife never knows.

A few days before the marriage, he did not seem to be enthusiastic at all. No preparation was made, not even a ring was bought. In the end, one of our friends bought the ring for him to give to her.

He was searching for witnesses for the solemnization. He asked for my friend's help, but he was turned down. My friend didn't want to participate or had anything to do with it because he thought it was wrong. He put himself in the situation: what if the same thing happens to my mother or my sister?

Well, I only wish for the best. I hope there's something good behind all these, like, him getting help for his gambling problems.