Saturday, January 26, 2008

I let go.

I was transported to my past when I told my friend about my first love. After so many years, I couldn't believe the thought of him brought so many emotions in me. I composed myself well, controlled my trembling voice and held back tears. I repeatedly told myself, "I am okay. I am happy with my new man," but it still hurt.

Whenever my friends are reminded about him, all they can say is, how mean he was to me. I say the otherwise. He is a good man, he is simply not for me. He is the man who taught me many things. We just don't end up with each other. He did many nasty things to me, but he built one part of me that I am today, and I thank him for that. I don't blame him. I wouldn't find my current boyfriend if I was still with him.

But the emotions surprised me. I thought I've let him go.

After my friend left, I rummaged through his stuff which I still keep after all these years. I looked at mainly, his pictures, our pictures. We were young.

And I smiled. From time to time, I laughed. I laughed because I thought, "How could I possibly live with this guy if I ever married him! I must be crazy."

It was such a relief. Now, I am sure that my current boyfriend is the right guy for me.


The irony thing was, the guy I dated before this sent me an SMS just now. He said he was looking at my cards and he was so sad because I am no longer with him.

I am aware he is still hoping for me, that's why I distant myself from him.

I don't know why he is so much in love with me, I've always treated him so badly. Apparently, according to him, he was in an emotional wreck after I commit myself to my current boyfriend, he feels suicidal and has to attend psycological therapies.

I'd like to think he attends the therapy sessions because he has mental problems.

I believe he will let me go.

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