Thursday, January 31, 2008

i am a bitch.

I am so weird.
I can't sympathize people I personally know easily.
But I could cry a river seeing/ reading about poor people in the newspapers, blogs or on the streets.

My friend's mother's cancer is probably coming back.
I can't sympathize her, I don't know why!
I'm such a bad friend.
What if the same things happen to me? Wouldn't it hurt if nobody sympathized me?

It's worse because deep down I think she is exaggerating things and asking for sympathy.

I hate these feelings.

To justify my feelings, I tell myself
- the cancer is only a probability. it has not been confirmed yet. Why stress and be all negative to something not certain yet?
- stop being negative. It's a doa if you have an optimistic thinking!
- they are many other people have it worse than you (eg: the people I read about), but do they complain? Why do you think the world revolves around you?
- those people can't even afford treatments, but you could.
- and it is not like the cancer is totally incurable!
- Mother has the same tumour, although not as advanced as her mother had, but I never want to be sympathized.

I am such a bitch, ain't I?

I should just sympathize her but I can't make myself to, why am I so abnormal!!!

I know different react differently to the same situation, I should keep an open mind and stop judging people.
And it's not like the way I handle mother's condition is any better. I refuse to believe Mother is sick, that's why I don't tell people about it?

Shoot me to death.

5 comments:

Sarclover said...

hi there,

i believe the correct term is empathy and not sympathy. most people who told other people of things like that dont actually expect any kind of sympathy, only empathy, for them to understand their condition.

on my part, i cried like a baby watching Hotel Rwanda, because i was imagining how it would be if i was in their shoes.

maybe rating yourself as a bitch is an overstatement dear. humans are individuals. caring is not sympathizing. understanding their plight and to be agood listener is caring.

sorry for this long comment yeah... just felt like penning it.. hahaha

zayck said...

my mom had cancer. according to the doc she only has few months. if only i believed it... maybe sometimes optimism is not really a good thing.

if i knew the doc was right i'd treated her way much better =(

Irregularities said...

Masing masing ada cara masing masing menghadapi situasi yang sama. setiap individu adalah unik. tak boleh samakan setiap orang

the ectopy said...

sarc: i cried watching hotel rwanda and many other movies too...yeah, maybe i should empathize.

zayck: sorry to hear about your mom. see, i could feel sorry and cry about you and your mom, complete strangers, but not to my friend. what's wrong with me!
anyway, im sure your mom was happy and wouldnt want it any other way...i deal with patients all the time and some of them dont want to be treated differently. although diseased, they are strong and believe they are not disabled. perhaps your mom belonged to that group.

irregulaties: ye, saya tahu masing-masing ada cara tersendiri. i wish cara saya lebih normal.

Anonymous said...

you just said it dear.. there are people who have health problems but they don't act like invalids.. they have positive attitudes, they don't fish for sympathies; we hardly notice they are unwell...
these people we are able to empathy with... not the other kind!