Sunday, September 29, 2013

I think I have an easy baby.

I am blessed, except when it comes to making him go to sleep! My husband said it's because I had frequent late nights when I was pregnant with him.

My baby passes motion once every three days. At first, I was worried, but he does not fuss, so, I guess he simply takes after me. Heee...I was prepared with my nappy liners, because I was told newborns may soil up to 6 times per day! But in the end, I never use any. Mudah kan...My cousin's baby had the same problem and her paediatrician told her not to worry (in breastfed babies). Apparently, the tummy would absorb all the nutrition from the breastmilk that sometimes, they leave nothing behind to be expelled out from the body!

But now, it's just my husband, baby KR and I. The second day we arrived, baby KR berak sampai 3 kali! But he was his usual self. Good lah, now Daddy is used to handling poop. Tak boleh nak geli geli lagi.

Initially, I planned to spend just 2 weeks at Mother's place. But my husband being superstitious with obeying pantang larang, he wanted me to come back with him after my confinement. I am totally fine with it! But, I got used to spending time in Mother's house, it became hard for me to leave :(

The bright side is, now, I can let my baby cry without anybody picking him up to soothe him. This is important because my baby always sleeps on my breasts. As much as I love how my baby is so dependent on me, at the same time, I want him to stop, for his own good! I'm going back to work soon and bad habits must stop.

Now, I am trying to sleep train my baby, the no-crying method. Ironic, one of the tips is to let the baby learn to soothe himself, which will involve crying no matter what (just not to let him cry for a very long time).

The thing about babies is, when you let them cry even just for 5 minutes, it feels a lot longer than that! I keep fighting with myself, "Am I doing this right?" "Am I a bad mother?" "Will he be scarred for his life?" "Are we bothering the neighbours?" "Why is the clock moving so slow?" "Is five minutes up yet?"

Lima minit pun susah. Hish, my husband lagi teruk! Ek sikit, terus kena angkat! Ek, okay, that's not even a cry! So, my progress has been slow because I can only do the training when my husband is not around.

And, despite having settled down for a few days, my house is still in a mess. Yeah lah, baby asyik nak sleep on my chest, macam mana nak bergerak? Kejang I! But I love, love the feeling of him needing me... Tapi tak best because I tak ada gambar dia banyak banyak...Takkan I nak ambil gambar my baby and my breasts pula kan?

And if I finally have my mojo to clean the house, I need to sacrifice my sleep pula!

I cannot win this battle...

Other than my breasts, my baby loves to sleep in his baby carrier. Seriously. One time, he was crying so bad for HOURS because he was so tired and sleepy, even my experienced Mother AND aunt cannot calm him down. I finally took the baby carrier and poof, like magic, within two minutes he was asleep. Another time, the same thing happened, and the baby carrier saved the day! I refuse to let him associate sleep with the baby carrier though. But at least now I know what to use as the last resort.

We all (Mother, my husband and I) agree- Tak sia-sia I beli baby carrier mahal-mahal weih...

I am also must start to teach baby KR to bottle feed. This is what I worry most. I am now waiting the stuff I ordered from Little Whiz to arrive. Little Whiz is having Warehouse Sales until this Sunday. The items are limited though.

Mula-mula ingat tak payah beli bottle warmer, pakai hot water je...But then, I wouldn't know how 40 degrees should feel like. And since the bottle warmer is cheappppp........

And mula-mula ingatkan tak payah a drying rack, pakai paper towel je and air dry je. (Masa pregnant jatuh cinta dengan Boon Grass drying rack, so pretty!) But since the OXO Tot drying rack is on sales and prettyyyyyyyy........

Ni baru Little Whiz punya sales. Belum lagi pergi Baby Expo yang beribu ribu item tu (still a virgin, somehow never managed to participate in any)...

So far, I am happy with MOST of my purchases I carefully thought and calculated for baby KR. Tak adalah membazir. Kira, not bad lah as a first time parents, I didn't go mad and bought all the unnecessary stuff. (Pats self on the back)

I nak letak gambar but I don't want to wake the baby up. The wire is next to him! Next time lah.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

1) The people who know Father, almost had the exact same content of speech whenever they congratulated me for my bundle of joy- Your Father would've been proud/ so happy!

Indeed, he would have, if he was still alive. He would call my son all sorts of nicknames that are mainly words of compliments and doas for him. He would stare at him and hug him and kiss him and play with him. He was an awesome grandfather. My 5-year old niece still remembers him and asks about him from time to time.

And it breaks my heart everytime I am reminded of his absence. I really want him to see/ know that I am doing well and my husband is taking really good care of me. All his efforts to make sure that I had the best he could provide me with, is paid off.

Sometimes, I envy those people who have grandparents. I envy those people whose grandparents pass away when they are in their thirties, whose grandparents are present in their weddings etc.

My son, he doesn't get to see his granddads. Well, at least he still has his adopted granddad. And we can't be sure whether Mother will still be around when my son starts schooling. Mother looks healthy, alright, but age is catching up, I hope I will be mature enough to face the day when it comes.

2) Speaking of envy, I also envy those who can cook.

This started after I got married. (I used to envy people with other skills)

I used to think cooking is easy, look at Masterchef, even ordinary people can cook, you don't need culinary schools to teach you how to cook! If they can do it, so can I!

I can't cook. I masak tak sedap. I think I should take a month off, konon macam an extended maternity leave, but instead, using the spare time to enrol myself for cooking lessons.

I am hopeless. They say you get better if you practice. Well, I've been practising for almost two years, I still suck!

4) I managed to puasa penuh! Syukur I was never too lethargic to fast despite being heavily pregnant.

5) I am happy with the progress of my body.

I never really care about my appearance, I refuse to obsess about how I look like, but I guess that means I really don't mind whether I gain weight and not losing as fast as I wish, or probably, I am just in denial, in my mind, I look okay, but actually, I am not. Haha.

1 month aftet the delivery

Me: Abang, I nampak gemuk tak? Ke sama je macam dulu? (Feeling confident I had nearly achieved my pre pregnancy weight)

Husband: Ha ah, nampak gemuk.

Me: (Shocked) Ye ke! I ingatkan dulu I memang dah buncit sikit macam ni.

Husband: Taklah, lain...

Me: (Annoyed) You ni kan, isteri you dah slim macam ni pun you cakap gemuk! Belum lagi dapat isteri yang betul betul gemuk!

Husband: Hahaha!

The next day, we went for our 1 month check-up. I am currently 52.5kg. My pre pregnancy weight was 50kg, the lightest probably 48kg, no less. I was 60kg before the delivery.

Me: Abang, mana ada I gemuk! Okay lah ni, baru sebulan bersalin, tinggal 2.5kg je!

Annoying tak! Macam ni pun dia kata kita gemuk! And even if I were fat, it's so justified because a baby came out of me just a month ago!

6) Someone put this for her Facebook status: Pergi Umrah dah 10 kali, tapi kenapa masih tak tutup aurat ye? (Can't remember the exact sentence but the essence was this lah- bersangka baik, perhaps she was really wondering!)

The replies were: Ha ah, aku pun tengok Nona hari tu. Sebenarnya dia nak riak je tu...Dia pergi Mekah beli kurma je kot...etc etc

Hish, why?

I didn't watch Nona and I don't know who they were talking about. But, why can't they pray for her to change for the better? Ada ke Tuhan cakap, buat Umrah selalu dijamin jadi alim, so why question? How can you judge her level of Iman just by watching Nona? Do you know her personally? Why must you accuse her of riak? Is that truly her intention? Lepas tu perli dia pulak tu, pergi Mekah bukan sebab nak beribadat, sebab nak shopping, beli buah kurma hence tak dapat hidayah lagi.

I am ashamed of myself, I am ashamed of Allah, and I know the reactions above would be directed to me too. And that's why I rarely tell people, I too have done Umrah (tapi takde lah sampai 10 kali, sekali je baru...)

Bukannya tak nak pakai tudung, I nak pakai, tapi slowly...Ni pun baru nak belajar, so nanti tak payahlah kutuk I pakai tudung on and off pula ye?

People are hard to please!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Okaylah. Standard delivery story first.

I delivered 6 days after my EDD (expected due date). Pain started 5 days after EDD.

I was unwell before that, had a bad case of cough. Been coughing so bad, until my left rib hurt. It lasted more than a week. At first, I tahan only with medications bought at the pharmacy. But it persisted, so I resorted to real medicines, obtained from the clinic, was given antibiotic.

At the same time, I anticipated for labour. But I guess it's good that I didn't deliver when I had the cough, didn't want the baby to get infected, and, I didn't want to push while I'm coughing! Koyak rabak nanti...Hehehe...Been telling myself not to feel depressed, at least my body would stock up the antibodies, good for the baby! God's plan is pretty cool...

Hari-hari fikir, is it today? Will it be tomorrow? Tapi bila weekend datang, please God, don't let me deliver over the weekend. The doctor said I would be induced if I still don't deliver 6 days after EDD and advised me to come to the hospital if baby doesn't move as much. Masa ni I depressed because I didn't want to be induced...(Takut sakit teramat)

Should I lie (doctor, baby doesn't move as much) so that I could deliver earlier? Decided against it because didn't want to deliver based on a lie, bad omen nanti to baby...Hehehe...Kang betul-betul reduced fetal movement kang, menyesal dulu pendapatan...

Initially planned to deliver at another hospital, but ended up in the hospital nearer to Mother's house. Best decision ever! I can't imagine how someone can travel while having the pain. And my husband got the sleep he needed (dia memang mengada-ngada, tidur wajib cukup!).

So, pain started at 6.30am. Sembahyang Subuh pun cepat-cepat sebab rasa nak terkencing je..."Yes! Nabi pun lahir hari Isnin!" as I thought I would deliver on Monday.

Wasn't so bad at first, still managed to continue sleeping afterwards. Had only tea and biscuits for breakfast. Pain becoming more regular, so I started to finish up packing my hospital bag: things like handphone charger etc etc.

Went online to buy flight tickets for my husband. Was supposed to buy it earlier but biasa lah, kerja last minute. Lepas tu ada problem with the transaction process, kena contact the customer service pulak...I am superwoman okay! Boleh cakap-cakap sambil tahan sakit.

At 12pm, told my husband that we would go to the hospital after 2pm (hoping that I would have show or my water would break by that time). I didn't want to go earlier because well, malas nak duduk hospital lama-lama...Then, we had visitors (datang nak beraya), but they didn't stay long as my husband politely told them, my aunt and uncle, that I was having labour pain. Vomited because was in so much pain. Basically, perut sudah jadi kosong. Nak lunch pun tak lalu...

At 2.30pm, baru terhegeh-hegeh nak fikir baju apa nak pakai. Seriously, takkan I nak pakai baju cantik-cantik, nanti kena darah etc. So, I pakai selekeh gila, which were a knee-length pyjama (one of the few clothes that still fit me at that time) with a pair of yoga pants. Haha! Sempat lagi asked my husband to remove all jewelleries from my body.

On the way, singgah ATM because my husband didn't have any cash. Tak larat nak marah, swipe card je tak boleh ke... But I guess, cash is important kalau nak beli food etc...

Sampai hospital at 3.30pm, immediately was asked to change to hospital gown. Thank God! Takde lah buruk sangat...

Pain since 6.30am and I was only 2cm at 3.30pm. Ugh, so annoying. That was the first time I experienced VE (vaginal examination) and it was not as bad as I thought it would (based on what I read on the Internet). Just inhale deeply and relax...

CTG took longer that it should be because I kept moving and squirming because of the pain and the sensation that I needed to pee so badly...! Finally, CTG was normal but discovered blood all over the bed.

Scan was done and my amniotic fluid was more than it should be. Nak deliver dah baru dapat detect. They decided to wait for the water to spontaneously break.

Was given a painkiller injection called Nubain. Okaylah, ada kurennggg sikit aje...

Wheeled to the ward.

Scolded my husband for not bringing food or drinks for me. (Itu pun nak kena ingatkan ke?!!!) When he wanted to buy, scolded my husband for wanting to leave me. Haha!

My husband has low pain threshold. Seeing me and other women in pain made him dizzy. Ugh, annoying lagi. I tengah sakit, dia pulak nak ngada-ngada pening. Focus on ME, please!

He bought me mee goreng! Who the hell have the appetite for oily food at times like that! Luckily, I have energy bars with me. Well, tak de lah energy bar sangat, setakat Chewy by Quaker tu je...And Vitagens.

Friends called randomly, didn't have the mood to talk. Didn't tell anyone I was in labour, tapi diorang ni macam tau tau je tau...

Everytime the contraction came, memang sakit, but only for that time frame. After it went away, rasa okay je. So, agak annoying di situ because the contraction became longer and more frequent (naturally)! The nurse came, told that it was now moderate to strong contraction (I felt no different whatsoever, it had always been moderate to strong!). VE again, 5-6cm.

What!!! It's nearly 10pm and I was only 5-6cm. I was hoping to deliver on Monday, guess that was not going to happen.

Since I thought my progress was slow, with no food for the whole day, I could feel that I won't have the energy to tahan, so, requested for epidural.

While waiting for the doctor, siap masuk toilet and I was on my all fours to try to tahan the pain. Discovered that it helped, so I tried doing it on the bed. Haha. Buruk perangai. Suka hati lah...Selawat je...Drifted in and out of sleep trying to pass the time.

Wheeled to the labour room. Was told too late for epidural. WTF! Doctor said don't need epidural since she thought I would dilate pretty fast after she break my water. Why didn't you break my water earlier thennnnnnnn!!!

Oh, because at first, wanted to wait until my water spontaneously break by itself.

Then, she did break my water, controlled ARM (artificial rupture of membrane). Special procedure, not the normal ARM, but controlled ARM because my amniotic fluid reading was 23 (which is more than normal).

Became 8cm. Given another painkiller injection (Nubain). Tak ada perubahan pun!

Perut kempis. Baby's kicks became more palpable.

1am, called my husband to come to the labour room. Sedaplah dia dah tidur siap-siap dekat rumah.

Midwife asked my husband to urut my pinggang/ belakang. I didn't appreciate it because
- don't like people to touch me when I am in pain
- I tak sakit pinggang atau sakit belakang pun! I sakit perut okay, perut!!!!

Tried the gas...Only minimal relief, but kept using it in hope that the chemical would somehow build in my body and will finally have some effect. Sungguh hopeful masa ni.

But, I can still smile smile at that time. Ye lah, jumpa suami kena smile smile. And must smile smile to the midwife too, barulah suasana ceria...Sempat lagi borak kejap...Midwife siap cakap, "Eh, Miss Ectopy ni siap senyum senyum pulak." Then, siap cerita I was supposed to deliver around Raya time, how was Labour Room during Raya? They said, "Busy gilaaa!!!" Eh, saya ingatkan time Raya ramai orang balik kampung? "Tak, Miss Ectopy...Banyak yang kena emergency caesar pulak tu! Nasib baik Miss bersalin hari ni, tak adalah busy sangat..."

My husband complained that the labour room smelled funny and excused himself. I know, pening nak pengsanlah tu...

I had very minimal handling by the staff. They checked me once or twice and simply said, "Ha, kalau rasa nak teran tu, teran je lah..." Masa baby nak keluar tu baru diorang siap-siap put on their gowns and gloves. Very experienced people...

I thought I would be 10cm in 30 minutes, but it passed...Thought it would be in 1 hour, but 1 hour passed...Dua jam jugak lah nak tunggu 10cm tu!

"Kak, lepas baby keluar dah tak sakit kan?" I asked (sempat lagi nak bercakap). "Haa...lepas tu dah tak sakit dah..."

So, well, I was 10cm, my husband was waiting outside. The midwife asked, "Miss, Miss nak panggil suami?" Urgh, tak payahlah...Dia tu masuk labour room pun dah pening-pening kepala. "Miss, Miss nak saya panggil doktor?" Urgh, tak kisahlah, midwife deliver pun dah tak kisah!

The usual pushhh, curi nafas sikit, and pushhh...Yeah, you try doing that! Nafas I pendek kot...I don't know how I'm supposed to curi nafas.

My motivation was, lepas baby keluar, dah tak sakit! So, please keluar cepatttt!!!!

"Miss, sikit lagi! Good, good...Dah nampak kepala baby...Push lagi...! Kalau boleh taknak episiotomy!" said the midwife.

Hish, I cannotlah...Last-last episiotomy. She didn't tell me but I was aware lah.

At 3.02am, baby is out! Baby is cantik! Yeay!

"Miss, baby rupa husband!"

Peluk peluk kejap...Injection was given to me, pastu tunggu the placenta...Pastu baru midwife tu cakap, "Miss, tadi saya buat episiotomy, so kena jahit ni..."

Buatlah apa yang nak...She was so experienced, I didn't feel any pain at all. Siap tidur-tidur lagi masa kena jahit tu. But I was sooo thirsty. Never felt THAT thirsty in my entire life, seriously! And I felt soooo sooooo tired! Exhausted, memang pancit habis!

Tapi lepas baby keluar tu, I thought the pain was not so bad lah...Still boleh tahan what...Terus fikir nak baby lagi! Oh, tamak haloba!

"Miss nak air kosong ke Milo?" I opted for Milo. Even though I was so thirsty, didn't finish the drink. Then, saw my husband and was wheeled to the ward...

Okay, end! (I think the way I've written pun dah boleh tahu I am in a rush, hehe...Oh, my baby!)