1) The people who know Father, almost had the exact same content of speech whenever they congratulated me for my bundle of joy- Your Father would've been proud/ so happy!

Indeed, he would have, if he was still alive. He would call my son all sorts of nicknames that are mainly words of compliments and doas for him. He would stare at him and hug him and kiss him and play with him. He was an awesome grandfather. My 5-year old niece still remembers him and asks about him from time to time.

And it breaks my heart everytime I am reminded of his absence. I really want him to see/ know that I am doing well and my husband is taking really good care of me. All his efforts to make sure that I had the best he could provide me with, is paid off.

Sometimes, I envy those people who have grandparents. I envy those people whose grandparents pass away when they are in their thirties, whose grandparents are present in their weddings etc.

My son, he doesn't get to see his granddads. Well, at least he still has his adopted granddad. And we can't be sure whether Mother will still be around when my son starts schooling. Mother looks healthy, alright, but age is catching up, I hope I will be mature enough to face the day when it comes.

2) Speaking of envy, I also envy those who can cook.

This started after I got married. (I used to envy people with other skills)

I used to think cooking is easy, look at Masterchef, even ordinary people can cook, you don't need culinary schools to teach you how to cook! If they can do it, so can I!

I can't cook. I masak tak sedap. I think I should take a month off, konon macam an extended maternity leave, but instead, using the spare time to enrol myself for cooking lessons.

I am hopeless. They say you get better if you practice. Well, I've been practising for almost two years, I still suck!

4) I managed to puasa penuh! Syukur I was never too lethargic to fast despite being heavily pregnant.

5) I am happy with the progress of my body.

I never really care about my appearance, I refuse to obsess about how I look like, but I guess that means I really don't mind whether I gain weight and not losing as fast as I wish, or probably, I am just in denial, in my mind, I look okay, but actually, I am not. Haha.

1 month aftet the delivery

Me: Abang, I nampak gemuk tak? Ke sama je macam dulu? (Feeling confident I had nearly achieved my pre pregnancy weight)

Husband: Ha ah, nampak gemuk.

Me: (Shocked) Ye ke! I ingatkan dulu I memang dah buncit sikit macam ni.

Husband: Taklah, lain...

Me: (Annoyed) You ni kan, isteri you dah slim macam ni pun you cakap gemuk! Belum lagi dapat isteri yang betul betul gemuk!

Husband: Hahaha!

The next day, we went for our 1 month check-up. I am currently 52.5kg. My pre pregnancy weight was 50kg, the lightest probably 48kg, no less. I was 60kg before the delivery.

Me: Abang, mana ada I gemuk! Okay lah ni, baru sebulan bersalin, tinggal 2.5kg je!

Annoying tak! Macam ni pun dia kata kita gemuk! And even if I were fat, it's so justified because a baby came out of me just a month ago!

6) Someone put this for her Facebook status: Pergi Umrah dah 10 kali, tapi kenapa masih tak tutup aurat ye? (Can't remember the exact sentence but the essence was this lah- bersangka baik, perhaps she was really wondering!)

The replies were: Ha ah, aku pun tengok Nona hari tu. Sebenarnya dia nak riak je tu...Dia pergi Mekah beli kurma je kot...etc etc

Hish, why?

I didn't watch Nona and I don't know who they were talking about. But, why can't they pray for her to change for the better? Ada ke Tuhan cakap, buat Umrah selalu dijamin jadi alim, so why question? How can you judge her level of Iman just by watching Nona? Do you know her personally? Why must you accuse her of riak? Is that truly her intention? Lepas tu perli dia pulak tu, pergi Mekah bukan sebab nak beribadat, sebab nak shopping, beli buah kurma hence tak dapat hidayah lagi.

I am ashamed of myself, I am ashamed of Allah, and I know the reactions above would be directed to me too. And that's why I rarely tell people, I too have done Umrah (tapi takde lah sampai 10 kali, sekali je baru...)

Bukannya tak nak pakai tudung, I nak pakai, tapi slowly...Ni pun baru nak belajar, so nanti tak payahlah kutuk I pakai tudung on and off pula ye?

People are hard to please!