Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Ibu bapa

"Apabila seorang anak lahir,dia membawa sekali hati ayah dan ibunya...walau kemana dan sampai bila-bila pun,hati ayah dan ibunya berada bersamanya--dan kalau dia mati,hati ayah dan ibunya akan mati bersamanya"

Quoted from

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


I know a Jew for three years. I guess, in that three years, it never crossed his mind that I am a Muslim. Blame me, it is my fault.

A conversation led to this.

Him: So are you a Muslim?
Me: Yes, I am.
Him: So, why don't you wear the hijab?
Me: Well, a lot of Muslims don't wear the hijab!
Him: No, no, I mean, I am glad that you decide to get rid of the hijab to become equal to the men.
Me: I am not getting rid of the hijab! It is just, well, it is my upbringing.

Offence 1: Not explaining the actual reason of not wearing the hijab. No, it is not the religion. It is me, who is so stubborn to follow God's rules. I am a bad Muslim.

Offence 2: Blaming my upbringing because I was too lazy to explain into such depth on why I don't wear the hijab, hence, my upbringing was the simplest answer I could think of at that moment.

Offence 3: How could I know a person for three years but he never knew I am a Muslim! He was not exactly a friend, and we rarely talked to each other except for the past 6 months, but we know each other, and I damn well know he is a Jew! It is probably my lack of commitment towards the religion. I am guilty.

I actually was a bit offended when he said he was GLAD that I didn't wear the hijab. I felt so bad, so sinful.

I probably should start to wear one.

In two years time.

Monday, August 20, 2007


My boyfriend wanted to buy a Dopod for me.
I declined.
My friend said I am foolish.
My mobile phone is still working just fine.
Besides, I'd rather him buying me an iPhone.
Has iPhone arrived in the Malaysian market yet?


My boyfriend is a big spender. I am not.
Sometimes, it is quite disturbing to see my boyfriend splurge, but at the same time, I am happy to have a boyfriend who knows brands. He is the person who introduced me to designer labels, some I never even heard of before.

Unlike him, I don't know how to appreciate the brands. The way I show my appreciation is to save the clothes/ shoes/ handbags/ watches for really, really special occasions, but, I don't see the point of keeping your expensive items. Wouldn't you want to display your expensive clothes/ shoes/ handbags/ watches?

I like to buy bargains because I like to have many things in my closet. And if I find new things I like, I won't feel guilty to throw away the old, less nice-looking clothes/ shoes/ handbags/ watches.

I don't like to go shopping with my boyfriend. I don't like him insisting to pay. Well, actually, I like him to pay, but I would feel very guilty. I don't want people to think me as a razor (pisau cukur). Besides, it is wrong to spend someone else's money!

Shopping with him makes me feel small. He has nothing to do with this, it is just me. I would feel like, 'Does he think this is an ugly bag?' or 'Does he feel embarassed to shop with in this cheap shop?' or 'Does he think this is too cheap?' or 'Does he think I am being too picky to buy something this cheap?'.

Now that my boyfriend has observed my spending habits, he wants to be more like me.

Of course I am happy that he now has realized that you could buy similar products for much more less expensive.

But I like him the way he is! I like to see him in nice clothes and shoes, looking well-groomed most of the times. I like his high-maintainence, metrosexual behaviour. That's one of the reasons why I fall in love with him in the first place.

How do I tell him to keep buying designer labels but for himself alone, and not for me? How do I tell him in this relationship, only I can be the bargain girl, only I can be the poorer one, only I can be the partner who is always so careful with her money?

God, this is awkward.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

My bestfriend's wedding.

A few years back, one of my bestfriends got married. I didn't attend her engagement ceremony because I was abroad, and I did not attend her wedding because again, I was not in the country. I was sad, but I coaxed myself, "I do this for my future".

Another bestfriend is getting married soon. I will not be able to attend her wedding. Last night was horrible, I cried myself to sleep because I so miss my teenage years. Her words, "You have to come! You are my bestfriend!"

Yes, I am her bestfriend, she is my bestfriend. But I come and go often, missing bits and pieces a lot. I no longer know her deepest secrets like I used to. We no longer chat for hours because we just don't have the time.

I felt lonely last night. Even my boyfriend failed to make me feel better. I whined, "I don't have best friends!" and sobbed. He said I could find new ones. How could he?!

Best friends are hard to find, and to find new bestfriends is even harder. I am at the stage where everybody has developed their sets of close friends. Besides, I want my bestfriends to know how my life was when I was little, when I was in school, I don't want to tell my NEW bestfriends from A to Z, bestfriends just simply have to know! It is not like I want to erase my childhood, my teenagehood, or my past, that lead me to start fresh and hunt for new bestfriends!

And my old and current bestfriends are just fine, I don't need to find a new one and steal someone else's bestfriends!

The problem with me is, I am not always here! I want to be in my bestfriends' wedding pictures so when we are old, we could laugh and recall the times we had together! And my bestfriends could show the pictures to their sons and daughters, and the children would scream, "That's you, Auntie!" and they would say nice things like, "You are so pretty! And you look even prettier now!" Hehehehehe...Okay, I got a bit carried away, but you get what I mean!

I am worried if my friends from school would forget about me, and not come to my wedding, because I don't attend their weddings, why should they come to mine.

I am so depressed...

So, today, I ate bananas with Hersheys chocolate syrup! Manyak sedap! I think it helped, kot...

In my opinion, local bananas taste different than the ones from the western countries, don't you think? The local bananas are yummier because they are sweeter and cuter! Tak kelat...

I used to avoid bananas because they are rich in carbohydrate and I hated carbohydrate! But bananas are good. A tips from Dicovery Home and Health: mash the bananas and put them on your face...

I am thinking of quitting.
But that's not me, it is not even possible, I must be really, really crazy to quit.
Quit what I am doing now to enjoy life in Malaysia. No more travelling.

A wedding is life changing, no matter whose wedding it is!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Entri luahan perasaan dengan penuh perasaan berlagak dan perasan hebat! Biarlah aku perasan sekejap, ini blog aku.

Waahh!! Aku tension!
Silap besar chat dengan ex-fling yang tak dapat menerima kenyataan.


Right now, he is accusing me being materialistic.

I do not not choose my boyfriend because his salary is higher than yours, you moron! I choose my boyfriend because he is mature, unlike you, he understands the concept, "Duit boleh cari, rezeki di mana-mana...I may make one million ringgit today, but I may lose 2 millions tomorrow, I don't know".

This ex-fling of mine asked me why I choose my boyfriend, so there you go, I gave him my answer, "He is mature, financially and EMOTIONALLY stable".

Oh, and you know what? Because he is smarter than you, but I am too polite, I couldn't say it to your face!

Do you know my parents have a problem accepting him just because he is not a professional even though he is making more than I do?
My parents want a doctor, an architect, an engineer, a lawyer, an accountant!
And to compare him to you, do you think my parents would even give you a chance? And plus the fact that I don't love you, I never loved you, and I never will love you!


Stop threatening me! I don't care if you want to kill yourself. You've hurt yourself too many times before but never succeeds anyway in taking your own life. I don't care if you want to jump off buildings, I don't care! If you want to do it, just do it, you don't have to tell me what you are going to do. So, now, go DIE!

Now I know why I should hang out with intellectual people.
Now I know what my boyfriend means when he says, "Nak cakap dengan orang yang tak berpelajaran ni lagi susah...Sebab mereka ni tak pandai fikir, mereka ni lambat nak paham".

Memang tak pandai nak pikir pon! Akal pendek! Bile aku kata financially stable, terus cakap aku ni materialistik. Gile! Skop pemikiran tak luas! Mungkin aku perlu cakap Bahasa Melayu dengan kau baru kau tahu! Kewangan yang stabil!

Lepas tuh, kau tuduh aku, aku belajar tinggi-tinggi, sebab tu aku pandang hina dekat orang. Hei, jantan! Kalau kamu tuh hina pada pandangan aku, aku tak kawan dengan kau, bongok! Tapi sekarang kau memang hina.

Sudah lontar kutukan dan tohmahan kepada aku, tapi last-last sekali menangis-nangis pada aku minta terima kau.


Sorry is not enough.

Kau belum jumpa orang yang takmau bersuamikan lelaki yang tidak belajar overseas. Waktu tu, baru kau tau, aku ni berlagak ke tak, pandang hina dekat kau ke tak.

Sekarang, berambus dari hidup aku!

Kamu orang yang panas baran. Emosi kamu tidak stabil. You are not good for me.


Dah 3 tahun kau tunggu aku, tak boring ke ha? Aku dah bagitau straight to the point, aku tanak kau, dah dekat setahun aku ade boyfriend, kenapa kau tunggu aku lagi?!

Kau ni psycho, kau tau tak!

You and you.

At last, I am here.

I have been in out and the country, in and out of the state, busy.

A vacation with friends, a visit to my boyfriend's hometwon, and most importantly, my first meeting with his parents, which by the way, went well.

I was even given gifts! I like gifts, I like free things, so I was happy, and still am happy.

The best thing is, I stayed in a five-star hotel, with a room with two king-sized beds, and for me and only me alone! Macam anak raja! And again, I like free stuffs, so I took the opportunity to take all free soaps, shampoos, pens, paper, everything available for free!

Kiasu betul. But that's me!

Right now, at this very moment, I am chatting with my ex-fling who is still hoping to have me.

He complimented me on how great I look and he told stories about his family who adores me, about his grandmother who always ask about my well-being.

I am touched.

I told him, "They like me because of what I am doing, right? They wouldn't like me if I was just a waitress".

He denied. He said the real reason is because of my attitude: humble and respectful.

And all I did when meeting with his family was laughing.

Strange. Because my boyfriend always say that he likes me so much because I am so humble.

I don't think I am humble, cuma biasa-biasa saja, not even likeable, because I do have enemies of my own. I have cold wars with people, I sense they are many people who don't like me, I just know.

Anyway, I am glad I have been lucky. I charm parents. But for men to impress my parents, that's hard. Really.

It didn't bother me much because I never had the strong urge to settle down. It used to be, even I was happy that they disagreed, because they helped me add another reason to 'why I cannot marry you' speech.

It is different now. Now I've met the one, I have become braver to oppose my parents. I shouted like when I was a kid. I defended my boyfriend, I fight for him.

I hope my parents will understand on how important my boyfriend is to me, and how much I want to make it official.

To mother and father, please don't make me choose between you and my boyfriend.