Tuesday, December 28, 2010

(Note: The previous post was written one day after his death. This was written about two weeks after)

Today is only a few days after 2 weeks of Father's passing.

I went back to work three days after is burial. I was strong. Like I said before, I keep telling myself that probably it was better for him to go when he was at home.

I was at the hospital the other day. I stood by a client's side when the doctor told the patient's family the devastating news.
"Orang, kalau dah lebih usia 50tahun, jantungnya akan jadi lemah."
Immediately, my eyes were filled up with tears. 'But this patient is still young. Father was still young!' I thought to myself. I excused myself and gathered the courage to face the day.

The next day, I learned that that particular client of mine passed away. For the first time of my life, I felt so attached to her, that I sobbed uncontrollably = she just reminded me so much of Father.

One lonely night, I laid on my bed. At the end of the line, was my ever faithful boyfriend, who accompanied my sleepless night. Softly, I told him my many regrets,

I was half-convinced that Father hated me.

"Abang, Abang rasa Father lebih sanggup mati daripada nikahkan I dengan you?"
Probably that was his wish. He was against us so much, probably that was Father's doa in front of the Kaabah.

My boyfriend said: "Sayang tak boleh fikir macam tu. Semua kerja Tuhan. Awal atau lewat mati. Father doa yang terbaik untuk anak dia. Supaya awak dapat suami yang soleh. Father dah restu perkahwinan kita. Family you pun dah boleh terima Abang. Mestilah dia nak nikahkan kita tapi tak kesampaian kerana panggilan Ilahi."

"Abang ingat sebelum Father pergi Mekah, Abang jumpa dia dan makan sekali dengan dia."

I became even more sad because, "Abang dapat duduk and makan dengan dia but I tak sempat nak berborak before dia pergi Mekah. Lepas balik dari Mekah pun tak sempat bercakap."

Oh, my God. It is so hard to type all this.

Many things ran through my mind like
How my children woundn't get to know their grandFather
Who would kiss me on my forehead on the day of my nikah
etc etc

Up to the point that it made me so angry that my boyfriend didn't wed me earlier!

Me: Kenapa cepat sangat pergi?
People: Sabar, Ectopy. Orang baik memang Tuhan sayang, mati cepat. Dia meninggal pun tak susah.

Dear Father,
Even if you hated me, I love you and I hope you forgive me even though I probably had hurt you for so many times before.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Him: Tadi I jumpa Abang Amir, dia tanya pasal you. I cakap, I dah lama tak jumpa you sebab parents you pergi Mekah, kita tak boleh jumpa.
Me: Uh-huh...
Him: Abang Amir cakap, "Alimnya kau ni..." Abang cakap, "Mestilah kena jaga, ni nak buat bini ni!"

(Love love)

Him: Tengah buat apa?
Me: Boring...Tak tahu nak buat apa...Abang, Majalah Tiga cerita pasal kucing...
Him: Yeke? Abang nak pergi tengok lah...
Me: ...(Phone disconnected)...

He chose the cats over me!

3) I know my boyfriend so well that I noticed he called me more frequent than usual- three times during lunch time, and a few more after that.

After work, he called me again. This time, I was alone in the car and not surrounded by my colleagues, so I asked him straight, "What happened today? Kenapa you call I banyak kali hari ni?"

Bf: You ni, I call pun salah, I tak call pun salah!
Me: Tak de lah...Kenapa you ni? Lain macam je...
Bf: Rindu girlfriend sendiri pun tak boleh ke?
Me: Eleh, rindu ke? Semalam I hantar gambar, you terus tidur, tak cakap apa-apa pun!

The night before, I sent an MMS to my boyfriend wearing a traditional costume. I just bought it and was so excited to let my boyfriend see it.

Bf: I suka lah you pakai baju tu. Comel gila...Tadi I siap tunjuk gambar tu dekat kawan I, dia cakap awak cantik, muka manja.

Then he laughed.

Bf: Sebab tu I call you banyak kali hari ni, sebab takut ada orang nak tackle you. Biar diorang tau you dah ada suami dah!
Me: Kan I dah agak dah! You lain macam hari ni sebab kawan you puji I, lepas tu suddenly you nak sebok-sebok call I pulak! Hahaha! Takutlah tu!

4) My boss is having a scandal with my colleague and I don't like it.

Not because I am jealous, but because my boss is married with kids and the whole department knows about it because they are not being discrete at all!

I used to respect him because I thought he was a nice, good-looking, decent boss. Now, I question his credibility.

Another colleague tried talking to the mistress, but she said, "He's all worth it."


Eee, I tak suka betullah! Kesian wife dia! I hate them both! I hate men. Lelaki jahat!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Message received:
"Salam, just want to share starting next month Jan 2011 all the foreign workers "maids, restaurant waiters, cleaners" will get privilage to admit at PRIVATE HOSPITAL payable by their employers insurance company. If your company provide room sharing with 2 or 4 or 6 ppl in a room and u plan to upgrade plan to SINGLE ROOM cuz don't want to share room with those kind of ppl...do contact me by today..tq"

I am so annoyed when I got the message, I wish I had the nerve to tell her off. And the way she emphasized her words, siap buat capital letters lagi...Please lah!

How could you label foreign workers, the maid, the restaurant waiters and the cleaners, as 'those kind of people' as if they don't deserve to live!
What kind of mentality is this!

Hina sangat ke diorang tu sampai tak mahu share sebilik dengan diorang dalam hospital!

Well, you know what, I will never buy any insurance policy from you, Miss You-think-you-are-so-great!

I don't like it when we are treated different from each other just because of our social status. No matter how insignificant a person is, that person must have at least do some contribution to our society.

You downgrade your maids, your restaurant waiters and you cleaners, I want to see how you survive without them. Probably one of your family members will become one and I want to see how you handle it.
And you are so stupid, you have no idea how some of these foreign workers actually contribute to generate our economy, don't you?

I don't know why I am so emo about this.

Oh, yes, probably because I have been in foreign countries and I have seen how my smart friends who did odd jobs to support themselves. I have seen how some employers think we had very low IQs but for the matter of facts, we were studying to become professionals who automatically ensure us to earn way more than them!
I have seen how some employers treat us so badly but guess what, we come very good families, our parents can afford way more than our employers could, but we did what we did just because...

Humans are all the same!
And it is not so bad to share a hospital rooms with 'those kind of people'.

Karma will hunt you one day.

My friend and I were talking the other day. He was in distress because he was having some issues with a colleague. He said the only thing that held him back from committing a revenge is the advice he received from our boss.

Our boss said, "Just remember, never be a bad person. Not even to your staffs. Because you don't know, someday, your staff will become your boss. As for me, for example, I used to coach *Jenny. Now, *Jenny is working as my colleague, and she is even doing our schedule. Could you imagine what she can do to me if I was bad towards her years ago?"

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Me: So, how are things?
Bf: Everything's okay.
Me: How's Adam?
Bf: Okay.
Me: Andrew?
Bf: Okay.

(Okay this was getting boring, so I returned my focus to Adam, my boyfriend's good-looking bestfriend :) )

Me: Adam bagi apa untuk birthday girlfriend dia?
Bf: Entah, I tak tanya.
Me: Girlfriend dia bagi apa untuk birthday Adam?
Bf: Perfume kot.
Me: Boring lah girlfriend Adam ni! Baik I yang couple dengan Adam! Hehehe...
Bf: I ketuk kepala you karang!
Me: Hahahaha...You tau tak, orang cakap, 'Jikalau sayangkan burung, biarkan burung itu terbang bebas. Kalau burung itu memang untuk mu, burung itu akan terbang kembali kepadamu'.
Bf: Mana boleh! Kalau ada orang lain tangkap burung tu, macam mana dia nak terbang dah! Falsafah mana you ambil ni. Salah! Tak boleh guna pakai! Biarlah burung tu mati dalam sangkar Abang, jangan mati dalam sangkar orang lain!
Me: Hahahahaha!
Bf: (Laughs) Pandai-pandai je you berfalsafah ye...
Me: I baca dalam blog orang lah!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

As much as sometimes, I wish to leave the country and work somewhere else, last night and today made me glad that I had not. I don't like the Malaysian working mentality, but I guess I have to make it tolerable.

1) Even though my aunt is nearing her 7th decade, she knows how to use Facebook. Ehem. Auntie moden ni...And so, she uploaded the photos of her and her spouse, touring Europe because I have a cousin who married a local and lives there.

Nice. I want to go there someday. Then, I saw the photo of another aunt (let's name her aunt number 2) who lives 24 hours away from Malaysia, also in Europe together with my aunt and uncle. But aunt number 2 is with a Mat Salleh. So, I guess, the Mat Salleh is her new boyfriend.

Aunt number 2 has two children, the first is even older than me. And now she has a new boyfriend, I didn't even know she was divorced because Mother told me she was not. I guess, the correct term to use is aunt number 2 and her husband bukan Melayu is separated.

Giving the state I am in right now, in terms of faith, I don't think I'd be able to resist all the temptations there are overseas. For me, the people who can survive far from their comfort zones, and still have their feet grounded, are the strongest people around. Their foundations are so strong that you could put them anywhere and they will still be the same.

I am fortunate to be protected by a familiar environment. Kalau tak, mesti dah sesat juga.

2) Last night, I received a call from Peter.

"Buat apa? Jom keluar minum?"
I asked, "Dengan siapa?"
"Dengan orang biasa lah..."

Orang biasa would be Peter, Zainal, Joe and I. We were classmates when we were in highschool. We were together for only two years, but I am so glad that we are still in touch after more than 10 years.

We used to be really close, but after school, we went separate ways. Peter were kicked out from school even before SPM (he sat for SPM in another school), Zainal went to Japan and Joe studied in a local university.

Peter is the one who always get people together. And he also includes me most of the time. Like last night. We meet up probably once a year, or once every three months, but our phone numbers never change and it is always easy to contact them.

See, I could never join the late night sessions if I were abroad.

However, I don't understand with the girls in my class. A couple of them are getting married in December and they don't even bother to ask for my address. Sure, their status says: "Please leave your address in my message box" but that's not enough! It's so not personal, so distant, so ajak-ajak ayam.

Don't ever do that! It's rude!

I've shared a couple years with them, they were like my sisters back in school. Maybe that's why it hurts me. If they had invited me properly, I would have taken a leave and willingly go as far as I have to just to be a part of their big days.

I won't do that to any of my guests. I would personally message them via phone or Facebook and say something like, "Hi. How are you? Just to let you know that I am getting married and it will be a great pleasure if you can come. It's a good excuse to see you after a very long time. I really hope you can make it" or something like that.

I wouldn't care if my fingers break for typing it to so many people as long as people can sense my sincerity in having them at my special ceremony.

I know Peter, Joe or Zainal will never do that to me. They will even ask me out for minum-minum before they tie the knot. I know this because Joe did ask us out the night before his engagement and we actually sat down and talk until 4am.

Entahlah. Perhaps girls just don't like me. I better stick to my male friends.

Or I should start growing up and learn not to care. It's just a stupid wedding. Tak payah la nak amik hati sangat.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Lately, financial issues have become very sensitive for my boyfriend. Honestly, I don't mind at all, but somehow, he would get offended with what I said even though I meant it differently.

Apparently, we are not the only couple who fight about this.

I have a married friend who one day, came to work looking glum.
Then, she told me that her life after marriage is not all flowers and candies.
I asked her what was wrong, so she spilled to me about her stingy husband.

Her husband makes, on average, 6 digits monthly salary. He's young and successful but he is very protective about his money. My friend wants her husband to buy her this and that, but her husband said, "Why can't you use your own money? You are working and make good money as well."

How could he compare, someone who makes less than RM10k per month, with someone who earns hundred thousands of ringgit per month!

Anyway, this husband sometimes left a RM50 not to my friend in the morning, which my friend commented, "My father also gave me RM50 when I was 17! I feel like a schoolkid! He is so rich, but RM50?!"

I understand where she's coming from. It's not about the amount of money that he gives, but the generosity. Why does he let his wife ask when he can simply give without being asked to?

My friend however feels bad herself, "Perhaps I am tamak. It's probably my fault. I am asking too much, am I?"

I tried to be diplomatic, I really don't want to take sides, so I said, "Come on, I'm sure your boyfriend spends on something. My boyfriend always spends on his jeans and clothes."

"He spends on his gadgets. Our house is very canggih one. But that doesn't count."

"What about cars? You can choose whatever car you choose to drive, right?"

"Yes, but there are all under his names."


"Next time, when you go shopping, you just ask. Maybe he's the type who needs to be asked."

"I ask many times. He does buy me things, but after much of nagging and eventually reluctantly buy the designer handbags I want. He could afford them, but why is it so hard for me to get them?"

"Maybe he was raised not to spend so much. He wasn't all the time rich, I assume?"

"Yes. His family wasn't very well-off until he started this business."

"See...That's why...Look, why don't you ask for something that you guys can do together. Like go have vacations or something."

"I tried! He doesn't want! I don't mean to brag, but we could go to London every week if we want to, but nak pergi sekali setahun pun dia taknak! We could have stayed in a nice hotel, but he'd choose a simple 3-star hotel."

I finally gave up and said, "Next time, you tell your husband, you simpan duit banyak banyak nak buat apa hah!!!"

She smiled a bit. "It's not so much about the money, you know. It's just that he is the husband. He has the responsibility to take care of me. He is the one who is supposed to support me. I don't feel like I am married. I love him. But...I don't know lah. Maybe we got married too young."

"What about your birthday?"

"I don't get anything for my birthday. And our anniversary is coming up. I don't whether I have the mood to celebrate it. Why must I buy him a present when he doesn't buy me anything? I don't care, next time, I am going to ask for the most expensive diamond ring and he better buys it to me!"

Isn't it ironic that people who have loads of money, fight about money?

I hope my boyfriend realizes that I love him whether he is rich or not. I hate it to be extra careful in my conversation just so he doesn't get overly sensitive if I talk the material world.


Sunday, November 14, 2010


I love just sitting at home doing nothing. Er, if surfing the Internet is considered nothing.

My boyfriend called just now,
Him: Hai, Sayang!
Me: Hai, Sayang!
Him: Hai, Sayang!
Me: Hai, Sayang!
Him and I screaming: Hai, Sayanggggg!!!

(Laughs) I love it when we act silly together!

Me: You ni, layan je I...Cuba sekali sekala tu you tak layan I...
Him: I rasa you sayang I sebab I selalu layan you kan?


Him: Tengah buat ape?
Me: Tengok gambar orang kahwin. Abang, jom lah kahwin.
Him: Kita kahwinlah, Sayang...
Me: Cantiklah diorang ni kahwin. Mekap cantik, baju cantik...Tapi mahal lah...
Him: Agak-agak kita kahwin nanti, cantik tak?
Me: Mestilah I cantik! You, I tak tahulah...


Him: You ni, dari dulu sampai sekarang suka kenakan I! Walaupun I tak handsome, I tetap suami you tau!


I am in love.

Last week, I befriended with a colleague. She asked a lot about my boyfriend, and I willingly told her about him

Friend: Boyfriend you sounds like someone who is baik hati.
Me: Memang dia baik pun. I rasa kalau dia tak baik, mesti I dah tinggalkan dia. Because he
doesn't have anything else. He's not rich, not handsome, he is just so kind-hearted. (Smiles)

Friend: Why aren't you with Brad P? You guys would make a great couple.
Me: Because, if me and him were to happen, it's like bertepuk sebelah tangan. Eh, no, mana-mana tangan pun tak bertepuk. Besides, Brad P has too many admirers. He's genuinely nice to everyone.
Friend: Yes, I understand what you mean. I know he doesn't do it intentionally to play with their hearts, but some girls might take it wrongly.
Me: I can never imagine my boyfriend treating all girls the way Brad P does. Kalau dia buat jugak, siap dia!

Yesterday, I received a call from my good friend, Jack.
Jack: Cuti?
Me: Yes.
Jack: Plan apa hari ni?
Me: Tak ada plan lagi. Tengah tengok TV ni.
Jack: I baru balik kerja ni...Nak lepak kejap. Tak tahu nak ajak siapa.
Me: Your girlfriend?
Jack: Yeah lah! I totally forgot about her! Dah lama I tak contact dia!
Me: Oh, my God! Jack, tak baik lah buat macam tu!
Jack: Dia pun tak contact I jugak...Jom keluar.
Me: Pergi mana? I nak makan! I dah lama tak makan yang sedap-sedap!

And so, we decided to meet at Pavillion.

Jack: Hari tu, Samsul belikan chocolate Godiva ni untuk girlfriend dia.
Me: Oh, my God! Bencinya diorang ni! Bestnya jadi girlfriend Samsul!
Jack: I rasa, Samsul tu tak patutlah...
Me: What do you mean tak patut? Diorang bukannya ada problem pun kan...
Jack: Yeah, but I think Samsul is pampering his girlfriend too much. He's always buying things for her and she rarely buys him things...
Me: Biarlah!
Jack: I think, and this is not only me thinking, Samsul je yang gives all the efforts to make their relationship works.
Me: Samalah macam you and your girlfriend kan!
Jack: (Laughs) That's because she wants me, bukan I yang nak kat dia!

I don't know how else to advice this dear friend of mine.

Too many mistakes since the very beginning.

His girlfriend has been waiting for him for so long. Until one fine day, they went out, and the girl poured her heart out about liking him.
Jack was touched, but being the typical guy that he is, he was unable to refuse her. I mean, she is a girl, he is a guy, there was girl who was throwing herself at him!

The girl even cried in tears of joy/ gladness when he said that he would give it a try.


Once I found he is already in a relationship and the fact the girl cried in front of him, I told Jack that he better not breaks this girl's heart.

I know Jack and I know he is not so serious about this girl. I told him to take it slow and be truthful.

Jack said, "I am taking it slow. I told her this is a trial."

Yeah, right. He is not even being a good boyfriend to her so far.

I don't want to be a bad friend and lead him to a break-up, but I know sooner or later, things are going to get ugly. That's why I encourage him to call her, meet her, but he is always delaying it. I don't know whether he is intentionally doing it so that the girl would call it off instead of him.

I don't believe it will last and it will only cause pain.

And I don't understand why people want to rush into being in love just because "That person is nice, comes from a good family, has a good job."
People should wait until they meet someone who makes their hearts spark, not just because someone is there, so better grab him/ her.

You should be with the person who makes you truly happy. It's worth the wait.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

This morning, I received an early morning call from my boyfriend. With his obvious just-woke-up-from-sleep voice, he asked me, "Do you love me?"

He asked whether I love him or not, at the wrong hour. It was 7am! Perlukah?

"Kenapa setiap hari you mesti tanya soalan yang sama?"

Him: Sebab Dato' Fadzilah Kamsah kata, nak tambah kasih sayang kena cakap 'I love you' hari-hari. Kena tanya selalu. Kalau dah malas nak jawab tu, maksudnya ada problem.

Me: I tanak ikut cakap Dato' Fadzilah Kamsah!

Seriously, I don't know why people would listen to his motivational talks. So not cool.

As most of you have probably know, I deal a lot with third class citizens. These are the people I wouldn't know existed if I didn't accept this job.

So, I met with this one family whom I pity so much. They are so poor.

"Kasihannya..." I said, regretting the poverty and cruelty that we have in this world.

"Boss, tak payah nak kasihan dekat orang macam ni...Diorang cukup sifat, boleh bekerja, antara rajin atau malas je..." said of my staffs.

Though I have to agree with her, but I also feel that the world could be unfair and with all the selfish rich people around, it must be so hard to come out from the bottom and beat the odds with the limited sources that you have.

I never deny that I am at where I am now, just because I am blessed with a good family with good connections and I went to good schools my entire life. I grew up in a controlled environment, so I turned out okay and fortunate. Even with that, sometimes, I feel that it is so difficult to keep up.

One person asked me, why I didn't go all out to capture the snatch thief who hit me and broke my car. There were CCTVs, I could have done the 'kawad cam' or described him to an artist. But I did not. I made a police report, I slept and I went back to work as usual.
I never gave my answers.

Actually, I really don't care if a person is a drug addict, a criminal, or simply plain lazy, because I just cannot believe a person is born evil. They just got on the wrong foot, mixed with the wrong crowd, grew up in a broken family. Deep down, they are good, it's just that we have to dig in into their rotten souls to find it.
Some people are desperate. I probably would have done the same if I were in their shoes.
I am trying not to judge these people. I don't want to punish them without knowing, ignoring the, 'What about the good things they have done in their lives, do we ever acknowledge those?' I let the justice to be done by God, because afterall, the hardest thing is to be a just leader.

Come on, even the prostitute who fed water to the dog in the desert is forgiven by God, why can't I?

I wish we can do more to help, no matter what nationality or race or faith we believe in. We are all human.

From experience, I always want to help but I don't know where to start. I have a lot of clothes that I don't want to wear anymore.
Previously, before my family moved to this current residence, I live in an open, friendly neighbourhood where donations could be collected freely. Beggars would come knocking on our doors asking to buy silly things (keropok lah, sticker ayat-ayat Quran lah) and Mother would serve them with water (because they are usually so tired from walking under the scorching hot sun) and then, open up our shoe rack and ask the kids to pick pairs of shoes, or Mother would bring down used clothes and give them away.

I don't get people doing that anymore. It's probably because now we live in a guarded community, gates are closed and I don't think they are allowed to go up the apartments. It's so sad.

So, please, I urge my readers to contribute. The easiest that I've found so far is

Or maybe, the next time you decide to bernazar, why not bernazar to donate some money instead of fasting for a change?

Have I ever told you how much I love Amazing Race? I even sometimes imagine myself in the race, winning! But who would I choose to be my partner? Definitely not my boyfriend. He is not very competitive and I don't think he has what it takes to win, haha, sorry, boyfriend, but it's true!

Besides, friends as a team is so much more fun than couples on a team. Couples are usually too emotional.

Having watched the latest Amazing Race on AXN makes me feel like going to Sweden and Russia. I also want to go Norway, Japan, Egypt, Italy etc.

I wish I have the money and ample of time to enjoy myself there.

Money. Tadi baru ajak suruh menderma, sekarang dah nak belanja pergi jalan-jalan pulak.

Aku manusia yang tak pernah puas. Heh.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I love vacations.
Because I can dress up.
People give compliments on my look.
And take photos with me because I have style.


The nice people make me believe I still have it.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

in pursue of a purse

Yeay! On a happier note, I am no longer sad, because, well, I shall not dwell on the past. I've already accepted the fact that it's simply parts and parcels of life and I am currently in the phase of mending myself back to my usual.

So, I am wondering whether we have a River Island store in Malaysia.

I thought I've seen it once, probably about two to three years ago. I remember the items were sold expensively but I can't remember the location.

I thought it was in Pavilion but when I looked through the directory, the store was nowhere to be found. I know there's none in KLCC, so, I think lah, the store is somewhere in the building opposites of KLCC. I can't recall the name of the building! Grr, it makes me so angry, even my boyfriend can't help.

I've tried to Google it but to no avail.

I am in need for a new purse. My old purse is a favourite. Why? Because it's cheap, small, unique and so pretty (superb combination, I must say)! It's a kiddy purse and I bought it for about RM25, could you believe it? However, because it is cheap, I think, the material has kinda already fallen to places.

My next one has to be small, unique and pretty, too, but not necessarily cheap. My friends, the two guys that I keep mentioning, especially the new one, keep pushing me to increase my shopping budget because he thinks I am being too cheap. Haha. I am not stingy, I am simply careful with my expenditure.

He is always like, "Ectopy, buy it! If you like it, just buy it. Don't think. You will never buy anything if you think. Ectopy, buy! Buy! I am buying more than you!"
Why can't he just offer, "If you don't buy, I'll buy it for you!" Haha, dream on...

My purse has to be small so that it can easily fit into my pocket. Sometimes, I don't like to carry my handbag just for a movie or dinner. Just my purse and mobile phone. Do you know how much stuffs they are in my handbag? It's so heavy, I tend to chuck everything in it hence the avoidance of carrying my heavy handbag every time I get the chance. So, that's why my purse has to be small and presentable.

A purse is a good investment, no?

Actually, they are not too expensive lah, probably a little over a hundred bucks, but I like it just because it is small, pretty and I know the brand is not very well recognized in Malaysia. I don't like seeing people having the same stuffs as mine. That's why I don't go ga-ga over Guess, MNG, LV and Gucci. Too many imitations and too popular that everybody wants them. (No offense, but that's just how I am)

Kalau ikutkan hati, I nak beli online je, but River Island don't ship to Malaysia! :(

Which one of the above shall I buy? Personally, I like the first one better but it's not so convenient as it can be easily stained. The second one is nice too, it is bright, happy and daring.

But first, I need to find the River Island store in Malaysia! Gah.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Thank you for thinking my posts have calming effect at least to one of my readers.

But you are not alone, because writing in this blog brings some sort of calmness to myself too. Like today, I stay up late, just so I could write my soul down.

Sunday was yesterday's news and I am so glad that the week is over. I had such a bad week, very bad week that my eyes are all puffy. I've never cried so much since...two years ago? Everyone seemed to notice too:

- Are you okay? You look tired.
I smiled, I lied, I said, "Yes, I am a bit tired."

- You cried?
I smiled, I lied, I said, "No, I took a nap just now."
She asked, "You sure? Because your eyes are red."
I smiled, I lied, I said, "Yes, I just woke up from my sleep."

- You look terrible. You should go home and have some rest.
I smiled, I lied, I said, "I am okay."

- Ectopy, how are you?
I smiled, I lied, I said, "I am fine."

I used to think I was really, really good in hiding my emotions. Guess I have lost the talent. I don't know what happened to me. I used to possess this great confidence, that I actually believed nothing could break me, no matter what.

When I was young, things are much simpler. I believed that all I needed to do is to smile and I will be alright. I still smile now, but I carry a lot of stories behind my smiles that people actually can detect if I am not being myself.

Outside this cyber world, I am this funny, cheerful, carefree person and I maintain good relationships with a lot of people. I don't judge people too quickly. I don't really mind if many people hate the same person, as long as he/ she has never done a foul onto me, I am okay and I treat them the same.

Because of this, a lot of people don't know that I can be depressed too. And I don't like to be depressed.

I had a morning walk just today. It was impromptu, my heart told me me too. Just walk. Be outside, not home, not in the car, not at work, not online, but outside.

I walked for a good 20 minute, which reminded me of college. I used to walk so much back then. Alone. But college was different, it was safer and it was normal because so many people walked.

Anyway, I have good friends, even though I don't tell absolutely anyone about what really happened. One of them actually left me a note and some food while I was gone. I don't know if he knew I wouldn't have the appetite to eat.
That was nice. It made me smile a little bit longer.

Nowadays, I get to know myself better, I find that I don't eat when I am sad. I just don't have the appetite. Actually, I don't have any mechanisms whatsoever to overcome my sadness. I was never the impulsive shopper or binge eater. When I am sad, I avoid to cry but always surrender to crying in reality.

I called my boyfriend. He doesn't know what's going on (I told you that I don't tell anyone at all about my current problem) but the great thing about him is he did not push me into telling him.

Him: Sayang selsema ke?
Me: Kenapa? Suara I lain ke? (Force laughs) You tengah buat apa?
Him: (5 minutes of meaningless conversation). Okaylah, abang kena kerja.
Me: Abang...
Him: Ya, sayang?

I was so sad that I had tears in my eyes.

Me: You tak ada cerita ke? (I like stories)
Him: Pagi lagilah...Mana ada cerita sekarang. Petang nanti baru ada cerita...
Me: Tell me something funny.
Him: Hm...Semalam Abang mandikan Snow White (the cat). Abang pakai shampoo Abang. Lepas tu, Abang letak dalam sangkar, pasang kipas bagi kering.
(More happy conversation)

I finally let him go after I was satisfied.

That afternoon, I called him again. This time, I admitted that I was sad. He said that I should be patient and stay sincere. He said everybody has his/ her own obstacles and he knows that I am smart and strong enough to solve my problems.

Abang: Sayang jangan sedih-sedih. Nanti Abang sembahyang hajat untuk Sayang okay?

I don't care whether he executes what he said or not. But I like the way he reminds me to be the best person I can/ should be, always. Stay grounded and ingat Tuhan selalu.

Sometimes, at times like this, I wonder why I chose this path.

So, I look at happy/ beautiful pictures to cheer me up!

Oh, I just received a text from my boyfriend:
I tak nak tengok you sedih lagi. I nak tengok you sentiasa gembira and abang tak suka orang yang menyakiti hati you.

Thank you. :)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

These past few weeks have been crazy for me. Work pace is increasingly quicker and I am filling my time with so many activities, home has become a place for me to sleep and have showers.

As usual, my post will be about random things I have encountered and manage to remember and translate them into writings.

1) To achieve civilization, think civilized.

I was busy over the weekend, so tired but needed to come to work. I met a client who asked a lot of questions. I politely answer them, standing by the rules: Kerja kena ikhlas. Besides, my clients don't deserve my bad mood just because I had a long, tiring day.
Then, she told me about her financial problems, she said, "Suami ada masalah kewangan sikit. Hari tu, anak sakit masuk hospital, kena bayar RM200..."

RM200 sounds little to me. In fact, I just spent RM180 on a water activity on the very same day. And there I was, meeting someone who had a difficult time to even pay for her daughter medical bills.

I should do more to contribute, kan?

This reminds me of the time when I had a Mat Salleh friend. At that time, the tax salary was hiking up due to the recession. 45%-60% would be deducted from their salaries (according to professions) to cover for the country losses.

While, us, Malaysians, would have completely flipped over this matter (if it ever happened to Malaysia), my Mat Salleh friend actually was supporting his government move. According to him, the more tax deduction, the better, because he wants his countrymen to share his wealth and he understands that the tax will be used to improvise the country as a whole.

My boyfriend argues that some advanced/ Western countries can afford to become welfare countries because they are rich.

But my boyfriend and I both agree that in order to achieve a great country status, the citizens need a paradigm shift. We have to think like civilized people think.

Bukannya berfikir, "Perdana Menteri ni jahat nak makan duit rakyat."

Sebenarnya, kita sendiri yang kedekut.

If we really think far, we can actually use the money to help poor people, the people can have free education or health service or free water, don't we all want that?

And we also whine that the petrol price is expensive, why can't the government subsidize just everything, sugar, rice, petrol, cars, everything lah! 'Kerajaan ni tak pandai jaga rakyat lah...'

I think, at the moment, we are quite okay because we only have to pay RM1 per visit to see the government doctors. It is very cheap to pay RM3 per night at the hospital, meals included!

We are being discharged with MCs and free medications! And how many of us actually use this privilege to get free medications for the rest of the families (even extended ones and neighbours) even though we could afford to pay for them.

I've seen it too many times. We like free stuff, who doesn't? But when it comes to giving back, we are quite a stingy society.

Tolong jangan kolot.


Sorry for being emo up there.

I couldn't wait for the vacation I desperately need, a break from the hectic work life.

My friend, Jack, is quite weird. He's single and going out with Flora and Gina.

When I asked, which girl he likes, he said he likes Gina better.

Obvious choice, Gina is prettier.

Me: Are you bringing anybody to our vacation?
Jack: I am thinking of bringing Flora.
Me: But I thought you like Gina better.
Jack: So? Flora is a friend. Is it wrong to bring a friend to a vacation?

Men are weird. They keep sending us mixed/ wrong signals. And when we misinterpret, kita juga yang malu.



My boyfriend is getting more and more jealous as the days go by.

Since my good friend Farid came back to Malaysia, we have been really clingy. Well, not so, I am just exaggerating.
I meant, we spend a lot of time together because that's what good friends do!

I used to think my boyfriend is more jealous of Rahim. Rahim is a new friend but we are like best friends now, so that makes my boyfriend suspicious. That's understandable, but to be jealous with Farid, that's hilarious!

Now, I can proudly say I have three men in my life, my boyfriend, Farid and Rahim.
Please note that these 3 men are the people who know me THE MOST. I don't know la, somehow I open up easier with them than with girls.
I love my boyfriend the most, of course.

And I am so happy that when I introduce Farid to Rahim, they click really well!

The other day, the plan was to go shopping with Farid. So, I picked him up and decided to beraya at Rahim's house. Rahim wanted to join so he followed.

Me: Abang, I tengah shopping dengan Farid and Rahim.
Bf: You ni...Kalau kawan-kawan I tahu girlfriend I keluar dengan lelaki lain...
Me: Ala, you tau tak, I rasa macam Farid dengan Rahim tu pulak couple. I dekat women's section ni, dioang entah mana tah, tinggalkan I!


The other day pulak, Farid asked me out twice but I rejected him both times. At around 6pm, on the same day, he called again and insisted to meet, so I finally said Yes. He must have been really bored to invite me for a dinner after two rejections.

Text received: Abang nak main bola ni...
Text sent: I nak keluar ni...

Call received:
Bf: You nak keluar pergi mana ni?
Me: Keluar makan dengan Farid.
Bf: Tak bagitau I awal-awal pun...
Me: Dia baru je call ajak keluar. Lepas tu dia kata nak datang in 15 minutes.

Call ended.

Text sent:
Boleh tak I keluar ni? It's nothing lah, kan Farid tu kawan je...

Another text sent:

"You kena faham. Farid, even Rahim, are like brothers to me. You tau kan I memang tak berapa rapat dengan family. I tinggal jauh sejak kecil. So, I make my friends my family. They know me so well for so long. I sayang diorang, but I love you more because I am going to marry you. I may look like sometimes I don't care about you, but I do. I don't know how to convince you that I love you."

And that's exactly how I feel.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

People are often surprised of how cool is my relationship with my boyfriend.

He is the guy I am going to marry, hence I don't find any problem to open up to him about absolutely nothing/ anything/ everything.

Lately, I have been talking about Brad P a lot, ain't I? I'm sure a lot of you guys have the perception that I am falling for him.

The sure thing is, I am not. Phew, that is such a huge relief.

Just now, by accident, Brad P told me something I didn't know about Vivien. It made me furious, because, yes, Vivien is my friend first, I've known her for about 10 years already, but why didn't she tell me the things she told Brad P?

I have the right, the priority to be the first person she turns to.
Why Brad P?
Am I not fun anymore? Am I no longer an understanding friend?

So, quickly, I sent a text message to my bestfriend (who is also my boyfriend),
"Abang, setiap kali I dengar pasal Brad P dengan Vivien, mesti I jealous. Kenapa ha?"

This is what he replied, "Biasalah tu! Jangan you ada hati dekat Brad P tau. Lumrah manusia memang macam tu."

I love my boyfriend so much. He didn't get angry at me at all. He didn't even suspect me to have flings on Brad P. He told what I feel is quite normal and it's okay.

I love him. Love, love, love. I hate Vivien and Brad P.

Women are complex. I can hate Vivien and Brad P, but my boyfriend can't. I can be angry and throw harsh words to Brad P and Vivien, but not boyfriend. Because, "How could you say that about my friends! They are my friends! I know them first before I know you! Well, I even see them more often than I see you!"

I mean, no matter what, they are still my friends and I don't want anybody else to hate them except for me.

Besides, I won't hate them for long. Sooner or later, I will need them back in my life. Who am I kidding?

And my boyfriend completely understands his role in this love-hate triangle between Brad P, Vivien and I. He never crosses the line. He is always supportive. Whenever I hate Brad P and Vivien, my boyfriend doesn't make me to hate him too.

Sure, sometimes he says the wrong thing, but it would be minor and he learns from his mistakes.

That makes me a very happy, loving, appreciative girlfriend.

I think my boyfriend doesn't realize the little things he does for me which makes me all warm, fuzzy and loved. True enough, some of you might find his acts I just described above are insignificant.

I couldn't explain it verbally, especially to my parents, that this is why he is the one. He is the man I am willing to spend the rest of my life with.

Every now and then, he does things like this, that always make me comes back to him, things that he doesn't know which reminds me of why I fall in love with my boyfriend in the first place.

It's neither about his material nor physical attractions. It's the values that he holds onto.

It's unexplainable, indescribable.

But when I met him, I just knew. I forgot along the way but I always know noone can beat him so far.

It's funny I am quite sentimental today.
It's all because of the SMS which I received from Mother a month ago, dated on 30th July 2010:

"Apa hal dengan kamu ni? Tak semena-mena melencong ke situ pulak. Alah, jangan takutlah, Si X tu tak akan lari. Dia tahu, satu hari nanti dia akan bergantung pada kamu. Percaya cakap Mother. Dia bukannya ada kerja. Entah-entah dah kahwin agaknya dekat sana tu."

I don't know what was wrong with me, but I forwarded the text to my boyfriend.

Oftentimes, I was told that I am being mean for not considering his feelings when sharing stuff like this. He shouldn't have to know about it. I could just stay quiet and spare him some mercy.
But to my defense, I need him. He is my future husband. Whatever hurts him will hurt me too.

There we were, comforting each other, being patient together.

And I can imagine, in fact, I know, on the day we tie the knot, tears would be rolling from my eyes as I remember how my boyfriend has stuck with me all this while. I will be in tears of joy and gladness that finally, he is mine and I am his, officially.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"Muda-muda lagi dah -bekerjaya-," said one of my clients. Well, I edited Pakcik's quote, the -bekerjaya- part was actually the name of the profession I am doing for a living.

"Tak lah, Pakcik...Nampak saja muda..." I gave him a polite smile.

He laughed, "Jangan tipulah, tengok tangan pun Pakcik dah tahu, awak ni muda lagi..."

I was writing at that time. So I looked at hands.

I look at my hands all the time. I notice that my blood vessels are getting more visible. Ugly hands, I thought. A lady's hands should be soft and smooth. I work too much sampai urat timbul.

Obviously, Pakcik is not a fortune-teller because he gets it all wrong.

I have a few gay friends, one of which always included in our circle of friends.

On one of the occasions during the early time when we were still getting to get to know each other, he said farewell to us after a midnight movie,
"Bye, gorgeous, except you, Ectopy!" with flying kisses and all.

We laughed.

At home, I moaned to my boyfriend how he didn't think I was one of the gorgeous, I didn't care whether it was intentional or not.

I mean, I know I am not, but, there's no need to add salt to my wound.

Today, I looked through my photos on Facebook, and I thought, I am not actually bad-looking lah! Biasa-biasa saja, and I am grateful because God could have given me an uglier face.

I am writing this now because it's so funny of me, I can be shallow sometimes. Looks are not everything and why did I still get offended?

Carol asked me the other day, "Are you and Brad P related?"
If you follow my blog, you would have known who is Brad P. I always give different nicknames for him, but he is always the same guy, my good friend/ colleague which I spend time a lot with.

I denied.

"Oh, I thought you guys were. I won't be surprised if you guys were related because you guys have the same features," she said.

Wow, that was the first time I get that. I was really expecting something like, 'You guys talk alike' or 'You guys think alike'.

Too much wey, now we are morphing to look like each other.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

What I like about this blog is, I could talk about anything.
Things that I couldn't really talk in real life.

Like, I really couldn't tell people why I don't buy CDs, for fear people would think I am weird, or they'd say things like, "Stop trying to be pious coz you are so not!"


Almost every night, before I go to sleep, I would tell sad stories that I encounter during my working hours to my boyfriend.
In return, he has to tell me happy stories before I go to sleep. I treat them almost like my bedtime stories. And it really works because sometimes, I fall asleep before the stories end. My boyfriend would create fantasies, about princes and princesses, dragons and genies. And of course, the princess would be me. :)

Sometimes, he would tell me funny stories.

Since we talk about everything,

Boyfriend: Kawan I baru pergi besarkan konek dia.
Me: Hah? Dekat mana?
Boyfriend: Dekat private clinic dekat *****
Me: Dia operate ke?
Boyfriend: Taklah. Injection je...
Me: Berapa lama boleh tahan?
Boyfriend: Entah, I tak tanya la pulak...
Me: Jadi ke?
Boyfriend: I tengok, besar lah jugak...I tak tengok lah konek dia, tapi I tengok seluar dia terbonjol je...
Me: Dia dah kahwin?
Boyfriend: Dah.
Me: Dia ada berapa bini?
Boyfriend: Seorang je...
Me: Dia plan nak tambah bini ke? (Laughs)
Boyfriend: Entah dia...Tak lah kot...
Me: Sebelum ni memang konek dia kecik kot... (Laughs)

Dia ajak I pergi inject jugak, I cakap, "Apa aku nak buat? Langgar dinding?"


Monday, August 2, 2010

Jane: I have a question. Are you and Brad P going out?
Me: No.
Jane: Why? I think you should.
Me: Why?
Jane: Because you guys look so cute together.
Me: (Polite smile)
Jane: Why aren't you together?
Me: Because I already have a boyfriend.
Jane: But not here, right?
Me: He's far.
Jane: Well, maybe you should dump your boyfriend. Oh, my God, that is so mean for me to say! But, I think you should. (Laughs)
Me: (Laughs)
Jane: Seriously, you guys would be perfect together.
Me: Maybe, we are two individually, separately cute people.
Jane: True. But you guys are cuter when together. You know, sometimes, two cute people, when together, they turn up wrong!

Brad P? Nah...

Vivien: Leo ajak keluar. He and his girlfriend. Let's meet up.
Me: Jom.
Vivien: Ajak Tom C jugak tau.
Me: Okay. (A moment later) I dah text Tom C, he said, he'll confirm tonight. Kalau takde hal, he'll join.
Vivien: Nak jumpa dekat mana? And ajak Brad P sekali.
Me: He can't. Ada hal.

After a few minutes.

Vivien: Ectopy...How about kita jumpa lain kali? Since tonight tak ramai orang boleh datang?
Me: Okay.

Me: Abang! Vivien tu suka dekat Brad P lah! Bila Brad P tak dapat datang, she cancelled our meet-up!
Boyfriend: Biarlah. Asalkan Brad P tu tak suka dekat you...
Me: Tapi I rasa Vivien tu gunakan I lah...

Thank God there is no more jealousy in me.
I have accepted and if they are meant to be together, I don't mind.
Yeay to this!

Still about it.

Come, let me tell you my secret.

Why I don't have an MP3 player.
Why I don't have CDs in my car.
Why I don't download songs.

Okay, first, it is because I have this very mild OCD to treat everyone/ everything fairly.

I think things have feelings too. So I will wear them the same amount of time. Or in this case, even though I have favourite songs, but highly unlikely I'd listen to them over and over and over again because
- I don't want to hurt other songs' feelings (if they ever have). Or more realistically, I don't want to hurt the creators/ singers of the not-so-nice songs.
- And that is why I prefer to listen to the radio. The songs are by random. Not my fault if I don't listen to it!

- I am aware that by getting into any vehicle, there is always chance that I'd get into a freak accident and lose my life, WHILE listening to songs.

Don't want that to happen.

If you follow my blog long enough, you would know that I am not a perfect Muslim.
So, whenever there's an opportunity for me to get free pahala, I would try my best to practise it.
Like, staring my steps with my right leg.
Or, never judge a person.
Pakai tudung will earn me free pahala too, but that's a little bit complex for me, okay?

And that's why, I love the sea. Free pahala.


That's why I prefer the radio while driving, so, whenever there's nothing good on the station, I can flip through the channels, and at least, I would listen to IKIM.FM.

I seldom recite the Quran nowadays, so listening to it would at least make me less worst.

(Faint smile)

I read a blogger's post one day, about an unfortunate accident. The vehicles were on fire, burning the driver, and according to the witnesses, the driver recited the Syahadah before the car she was driving blew up.

Which, brought to tears.

I was driving, calmly, feeling safe, while listening to the beautiful recitation of the Holy book.
Then, assaulted.
I shouted and I cried.
Then, I realized the radio was still on.

But did I remember to say my Syahadah? I did not. What if I died that day? I'd be sinful, dying without clarifying that 'There is no god but God, and Prophet Muhammad SAW is His messenger'.

Even with a reminder ringing in my ears, I still didn't do it.
(Huge sigh!)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


It was 8pm. I was at the petrol station.

A man was approaching.

I had palpitations.

I started to panic.

One step away from him.

I panicked so much that my reflex was to look around me for people, people who might witness what was going to happen, or better, those who might save me.

Stranger kept on moving forward.

I startled this time. Another step behind.

I used all my might to control myself from running like a mad woman.

Stranger: Assalamualaikum.

He saw me very uncomfortable, he should have just left me.

Me: Waalaikumussalam. Kenapa eh?

Stranger: Saya ni berjalan jauh. Tak ada duit nak makan...

Me: Ermm...Tak apelah, eh?
I shook my head.

Stranger: Terima kasih.

He finally turned his back and left.

I quickly sat in my car, my heart skipped so fast, about 200 per minute (I actually counted), it pounded so hard and I just had to cry.

My boyfriend called.
Boyfriend: Kenapa you nangis?
Me: Ada orang minta duit.
Boyfriend: You okay tak?

I cried harder when realizing he was not a bad man who was trying to harm me. He was a traveller, and I denied him a donation.

A donation I usually would have simply gave without much thought.
What have got into me?


At the airport.

Eating alone.

Purse on the bench, next to me.

Enjoying a meal.

Suddenly there was a waiter next to me.

Too surprised. My heart jumped immediately.

Purse gone missing.

Quickly looked for my purse.

Purse on my lap.

200 beats per minute. I took a deep breathe to calm me down.

Too slow. I needed myself to calm faster.

Hands gave an obvious shake. Uncontrollable tremors.


Mother once said I have too much gut.

Flashback to the time when I nearly got robbed.

Car window smashed.

Skin wounded.

Head hit.


And having witnesses around me who were all too shocked/ scared to rescue me.

Mother and Father are so worried about me nowadays.

The repeated, "Tak serik-serik lagi ke?" is becoming sickening to hear.

You know what?

I refuse to be traumatised.

I refuse to be afraid.

Berani kerana benar, kan? Then why should I be afraid? I was not the robbers. The robbers are the ones who should be afraid for their wrong doings!

What the hell is wrong with the world now?

Just because they attack at night, we, the innocents should not go out at night?


No, no, no!

I wouldn't allow it to happen.

I shall stay strong and life would go on, I would carry on like usual.

But guess what? Even with me strongly denying myself from being traumatised, there's a little part of me which was scarred.

Fast heartbeat.
Shaky limbs.
Cold sweats.

The worst part is, I hate the way it makes me judgemental.

I can no longer stop at a traffic light, without cautiously scanning for any suspicious bikers.
I can no longer open up myself to strangers thinking they are harmless.

I hate myself for constantly thinking those who ride the motorcycles are villains, untrustable citizens.

I am sorry.

Probably they are desperate for money, for their dying parents, caught in the middle of a situation I probably would never understand (because I am probably fortunate enough, will never experience it).

But, to hurt someone, to hurt me, in the desperate attempt to get the instant cash, well, that's what I call, desperate for some drugs, desperate to get high.


I am sorry.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I don't know whether this entry is going to be long or short.
I have a lot of things on my mind now, but lets see whether I'll be able to jot down all of them.

Anyway, first thing first.

Last year, I lost my favourite watch. Not that I have many watches, but that particular watch was new and the most expensive I had owned/ bought. So, yeah, things happened and I redha.

Because we already planning to get married, I thought, why not he gets me a nice watch for my hantaran. Yes, I am very practical, I want things that I don't have or things I really need as my hantarans.

In the meantime, I'm using a kiddie watch, you know, the kind that is sold for RM10. I have no problem wearing it, in fact, I am happy because it is cute and if it gets lost, I can always get another one without regret.

Remember I used to drool over the Casio gold classic watch? Well, I am well over it because I've seen quite a number of people wearing it! (Sigh)

Again, because we already planning to get married, may I add to be more specific, not anytime soon, one day, after surveying a few watch shops, I called him up and said something like this,

"I am going to buy a watch! I don't care if we already agreed to wait for you to buy me a watch for my hantaran, but I cannot wait anymore. We are not getting married this year, so I am buying one!"

It just that, I still haven't found a dream watch.

The next day, I received a birthday present from him.

The background colour of the wrapper was brown, with scattered teddy bear prints and the words Happy Birthday all over.

We were in the car. He couldn't wait to give it to me (hence in the car), and I couldn't wait to un-wrap my present.

And in the car I shrieked and repeatedly said, "Oh, my God, oh, my God," upon seeing the box underneath the wrapper.

I totally didn't expect it because he said he already bought my present a while back, just waiting for the right time to give it to me.

Out of the car, I inspect the watch and saw something odd about the leather strap: it doesn't have the brand name stamped on it. Pointed this out to my boyfriend, but he said it's probably the latest design.

The next day, we went to a watch shop to add holes to my leather strap. There was no intention at all to check the price of my watch, I just want to make sure whether leather strap was original. To my amazement, the brand name was there!

Me: Sayang, I tengok jam tadi ada brand lah dekat tali dia...
Bf: Yeke?

By now, I thought my boyfriend bought me a fake watch. I didn't want to add salt to the wound, so I stayed quiet. I love my boyfriend so much, I would never embarass him, I would love his gifts, even if they are fake. He shouldn't have to buy me a fake watch, really, I would love him and the gift even if it is not expensive at all...

Bf: Tak apa, nanti Abang check...

He pulled out the receipt from his wallet and started dialling the shop number.

I saw the receipt, and I thanked God it is not fake. Haha.

Silly me. It couldn't be fake. I already saw the warranty card and I actually registered myself and the watch on the Internet the night I received the watch.
What was I thinking!

My boyfriend basically told the shopkeeper that he went to this other shop and saw that leather strap is not similar to the one he bought for me.

The shopkeeper profusely apologized over the phone, saying that he forgot that he already removed the original leather strap, and forgot to switch it back again!


After the whole incident, my boyfriend, being paranoid, forced me to bring my new watch to a watch shop, and asked the sales lady to confirm whether the watch face is at least original.

It is. Alhamdulillah.

I think it an honest mistake. My boyfriend is his regular customer. Besides, the shopkeeper called my boyfriend for a number of times to apologize, over and over again.

My boyfriend used the opportunity to torture him, "Apa ni, malu saya bagi hadiah untuk isteri saya. Saya beli jam mahal-mahal, awak buat macam ni..."

I pinched him for talking like that.

After he hung up the phone,

Bf: I boleh saman dia, jual barang tipu.
Me: Dia tak tipulah, dia lupa...
Bf: Kalau I buat aduan, dia boleh tutup kedai!
Me: Ala...Kadang-kadang you pun buat silap kan...
Bf: Hish, mana ada I buat silap, especially kalau barang mahal. I tak kisah kalau barang murah, tapi I beli mahal ni!
Me: Tapi dia minta maaf kan?
Bf: Mestilah, sebab dia takut! Lesen dia boleh kena tarik balik. Kalau I sebarkan hal ni dekat kawan-kawan I, dia boleh hilang customer! Nasib baik you ni prihatin. Kalau you tak perasan leather dia tak original? Rugi je...

The moral of the story is, always inspect your goods.

My boyfriend ni pun pelik. It is so unlike him not to inspect his purchases. My boyfriend said it is because they already wrapped the box, so he couldn't open it again and inspect for any flaws.

The next day, my boyfriend called and said,

Bf: I already got your original leather straps! Cantik gile...
Me: Really? How does it look like?
Bf: Lebih kurang macam you punya, tapi ada brand name under the strap.
Me: So, straps yang sekarang ni, kena pulang balik ke?
Bf: Ah, tak payah. Dia bagi free je. Dia dah malu...
Me: Dia tak bagi free gift lain ke?
Bf: Dia bagi I discount sebab kebetulan I ada hantar my watch to him for a service...

I love my watch so much, I wish I could sleep with it but my boyfriend doesn't allow that... :(

This is the best material gift I have ever received in my life so far! Yeay!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The sparks I thought the surgeon and I had, were shortlived.

Nampak sangat I didn't really fall for him.

"Come. Lets have a Q&A. I am not happy, your work is slacking."

I got so offended by his statement despite just the day before,

Me: Why do you like to imitate me?
Surgeon: Because I think you are cute.
Me: Am I? Awww...I am cute!
Surgeon: You are cute. You are cute like a kanak-kanak.

I hate him now.

Cute + Slacking = I am officially a bimbo, thank you.

I was surprised when my boss asked my colleague, Johny,

Boss: You ni...Ectopy dah bertunang pun, masih nak kacau lagi...
Johny: Mana ada saya kacau...Saya jaga dia...
Me: I am not engaged yet! Who says I am engaged!
Boss: Masih tak mengaku dah bertunang...
Me: No, really. I am not engaged! I am booked, but not engaged yet.
Johny: It's the same!
Me: It's not the same. I should be given another ring if I am engaged. Mana boleh senang-senang nak bertunang kalau takde cincin!

The point here is: If boss knows I am engaged/ committed, surgeon would have known too because they are good friends, and guys talk!

This explains surgeon's cold beaviours.

This is all Johny's big mouth's fault!

Talk about my boss, the other day, he innocently and loudly ask Johny and I a question,

"So, how was Team A?"

I didn't get it until Johny looked him in the eyes, "It's The A-Team, boss, The A-Team, not Team A."


Sunday, June 27, 2010

kenapa possesive?

It took me long, after years of living, to realize that I probably am possessive over my friends.

Do you remember my latest acquired male best friend, lets name him Kasim this time around?

Without actually realizing it, it has been almost a year since the first day I met him. Sometimes, we still joke how came to my house for Hari Raya, and got a shock when he found out my 'brother' was actually my boyfriend.

Well, we are becoming closer and closer, and somehow, he is also well-accepted by my little group of friends (I think by now, he has known each and every one of them with bits of their history which I provide from time to time to facilitate him to know who's who).

Little did I know that I would be bothered when his bond with my friend, Rokiah, blossomed.

I know I sound childish, I keep brushing off the uneasy feeling, but I couldn't help but feel- disapproving their relationship.

Which then led to the questions:
1) Am I in love with him?
2) Is this what we call jealousy?
3) Why the hell would I be jealous?!

I remember when a close friend of mine asked me, "If you haven't met your boyfriend, would you go for him?"
My answer was, "No. Because he is just a friend. Like a fun brother. He reminds me of Rashid."
Rashid is my other close, long-time male friend who lives far, far away that I seldom get to see him, but when we do, we do lots of fun things together and we would talk and talk non-stop. For the matter of fact, I am due to see him in a month or two, and we can't wait to have our yearly vacation! (Oh, he is so not gay, in case you are wondering)

Because of this mix feeling I am having, I had to talk about it to someone. So, I chose someone outside from the group, Lizzie. Lizzie, Kasim and I do spend a lot of time together. All the three of us have known each other at about the same time and then, we hit it off nicely (although not, initially-- long story).

Me: Do you think I am childish?
Lizzie: Are they going out?
Me: No. But I don't know why I am feeling like this! Because Kasim is my friend first. Why can't Rokiah find her own friend? And Rokiah should consult to me, if anything, not to Kasim! And how come they are going out together when I am working? I know Rokiah. She never visits me. But when suddenly Kasim suggested to bring her to see me, she jumped into the opportunity, even though she is working tomorrow! It's nice for them to visit me, she said she came by because she missed me, but I think, Rokiah did that just so she could spend more time with Kasim! Am I bad for thinking this way? I shouldn't think like this. Both of them are my good friends! And it is so nice of them to visit me and bring me food. Why do I feel like this? I don't like this feeling. It's not that I like Kasim, I mean, I have my own boyfriend, but they just can't!

Lizzie listened attentively. I thought she would have laughed, but she didn't.

Lizzie: I understand. I used to feel like this as well. And you know what I did, I am now not close to neither one of them.
Me: Oh. But I don't want to lose any of them. Am I a bad friend? I don't know why I feel like this, all I know is, I don't like them to be too close! I want Rokiah to find her own friends, and I want Kasim to find a girlfriend on his own.

I got so moody that day.

Over time, I found out that they have been regularly texting each other. As usual, I tried to ignore the feeling. But why? I introduced Rokiah to Rashid too, but Rokiah hasn't been texting him much. And why is it always me who brings new people into our group. Why can't she contibute and stick to her friends instead?

I mean, I don't mind my friends being friends with my other friends, but I should always be the priority. I should always be the closest friend, the first one to be updated if anything, because I know them first! They couldn't and shouldn't skip my role as the person who brought everybody together!

Kasim: Rokiah ajak keluar.

(Aha! Caught again! Why is Rokiah asking us out, by texting him, but not me!)

Me: Bila?
Kasim: Bila-bila lah yang kita free.


(Trying to ignore the feeling)

(Can't help myself but exploded)

Me: Do you like her?!
Kasim: What! Nooo...Why? Did she ask you to ask me this?!
Me: Nooo...Saja tanya...
Kasim: Why? What made you ask that question?
Me: Takdelah...Saje tanya...
Kasim: Do I look like I'm showing interest in her?
Me: Yes...
Kasim: Nooo...

His answers calmed me down a bit. I felt relieved, but only for a while, because- he could be hiding his true feelings.


Nearing my big three-O and I still have friend issues.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

None of my readers corrected me! (You guys are not really football fans too, huh?)

Continuation from my last post:

The next day, I told my boyfriend, and he was like, "But Italy did not win!" It was a draw match!

Oh, my God. Now I am so ashamed because he paid for the food even though the bet was- If Italy won.

Why did the surgeon played along with me?

So, anyway, if time is permissible, I will treat him lunch tomorrow. Because I don't want to owe him anything.

At work, my staffs were talking bad about their boss, who is my colleague.
According to them, she is bossy and likes to order them around (ironic, how can a boss be not bossy?), they even give her a nickname.

I just smiled. Fariz, another colleague of mine came to our desk, and he overheard the conversation. Being the typical nice guy, he didn't want to take side, like me, however, he was vocally implying it.

"Saya tak kisah dengan dia sebab walaupun dia agak mengarah, tapi dia buat kerja dia..." he said.

I said, "Oh, korang ni, bila dia takde, mulalah nak sebut-sebut nama dia. Rindu ke?"

One of the staffs responded, "Tak rindu langsung! Tapi kan, kalau kita suka dekat seseorang, kita akan puji-puji dia. Kitorang tak kesah, nak kutuk depan-depan, nak puji pun depan-depan."

My boss, who was around, interrupted, "Tapi patutnya, kalau nak puji kena belakang-belakang, sebab setiap pujian itu adalah satu langkah ke neraka. Nak kutuk tak boleh belakang-belakang. Sebab nanti jadi mengumpat."

Not many people know that. That's why, I don't mind if I don't receive compliments.

Then, I attended a client with Fariz. The client was an elderly lady who didn't converse well in our national language, so her husband did most of the talking. I felt it was better if Fariz and the husband talked while I listened and jotted down notes.

As usual, sometimes during an interview, there would be silence as Fariz and I need some moments to think over the information that has been extracted from them.

This uncle, upon seeing me quiet, asked Fariz, although I was at present at that time, my racial root and commented, "Banyak cantik."

Damn it, mesti aku nampak macam bimbo lagi. All the, 'Don't just sit there and look pretty' comments haunted me back.

20 minutes later, I was back to my desk, my staff sat next to me, "Boss, boss ni cantik tau sebenarnya. Pakailah mekap...Nanti saya bawa pergi saloon, nak?"

Nooo...! Not the rebonding advice again!

"Ala, nak buat macam mana. Kerja busy. Tak sempatlah...Tidur pun tak cukup..." I smiled politely.

"Nanti clients pengsan tengok boss," they laughed.

"Ala, diorang banyak perempuan. Bukannya nak mengorat diorang pun..."

"Takpe, takpe, nanti saya bagi lipstick dekat boss."

"Yeay! Bestnye nanti dapat hadiah...Thank you!" I didn't mean to be sarcastic. I do enjoy free gifts, because the best things in life are free.


I have decided that: I don't care whether Malaysian women think that I can be prettier. As long as 70 year-old uncles with visual impairment can appreciate my beauty, I am happy.

Oh, and thanks uncle for bringing me one step closer to hell.

My friend is going out with a divorcee with two children. I don't mind. To me, as long as he is single and available, it is okay, I don't care about his status. Over the years, I have taught myself that some things in this world are not perfect and I am not here to be judgmental.

The eldest child is 6 years old. I don't know how long ago since he uttered the word, "I divorce you," but, what I know is, it has been 2 years, at least.

Anyway, my friend, Fariz and I were talking about it in the car.

I, obviously defended the couple. Jodoh sudah tak lama, nak buat macam mana.

"But a divorce, after, not one, but two children is a big deal!" he said.

Basically, to him, to divorce the wife, the women you once loved, is not an easy thing to do, there must be a really, really good reason that triumph the fact that she is the mother of your childREN.

Yes, people stay in marriages, sometimes, even though they are not in love anymore, because they love their children so much, they want to provide a stable environment for them. It's for the kids.

"Tapi besar sangat ke silapnya sampai nak bercerai?" he questioned.

According to my friend, it is okay to divorce earlier on in the marriage because the things that you have shared together is minimal. Without kids, it's easier to consider whether to separate or not.

Well, yeah, he got his points across, and now, I am slightly agreeing with him.
Intrigued, even, what is exactly the really, really good reason, to get a divorce, even after years of marriage and two children?

Is the reason truly justified?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

"Italy vs Paraguay. Which team do you think will win tonight?"

"Italy!" I said.

He, not my boyfriend, asked me why. I don't know much about football, so, I said, "Because they are more good-looking. They are taller, nice bodies and all..." This is speaking from experience, in real life, even the normal citizens in Italy are to be drooled over.

"But football is not about who is taller or not. It is about how you play the game," he obviously know by now, I don't know shit about football.

"Uh-huh...But I still think Italy would win."

So, he made a bet with me. He was on Paraguay's side. "Do you know why? Because Italy is giving Paraguay half point if they draw."

Yeah, I don't even bother to know what that means.

The next day, I found out very early in the morning, that Italy won.

When we sat down together for work, he started to tell me how he overslept, when I suddenly interrupted him, "Italy won!" with a big smile plastering on my face, together with a victory sign.

"How do you know? Did you Google for the result?"

Yes, as a girl who doesn't know much about football, how can I know the result of the match so quickly?

"I have contacts, you know..." was my answer.

Later on, he left.

At 1pm, he picked me up for lunch. I invited my friend to join us, but my friend refused.

I chose the most expensive food on the menu, not because I was ripping him off, I just wanted to try the lamb shank. Besides, I was hungry, so I felt like having a big meal.

During lunch, I don't know whether it's just me, or, he was really, really flirting with me.

First, he winked at me.

Then, upon seeing me having difficulties cutting up my meat, he volunteered, "Do you want a surgeon to cut the meat for you?"

He is a surgeon. I didn't know he was, until he broke the news to me during the lunch.

And he did other things that flattered me!
It was nice. I mean, the things that he did for me. I wouldn't deny I was happy.

I don't know whether he did flirt, or I seorang je yang perasan lebih.

Lastly, he bought me two slices of cake, before dropping me off at my workplace.

At work, I jokingly told my friend that I had a date and told him the things that we did. "Tolonglah, nak termuntah okay!" he said.
"Come on, this is my side of story, which I exaggerated. It was not a date. It was completely professional. I je yang perasan. Besides, sangat coincident Italy menang..." I said.

"That was the trick he used on you to ask you out! Of course lah Italy yang menang!"


I quickly used my contacts. I found out the surgeon is going with with a pharmacist. Okay, so it was only me who overintepret the things that he did all along! Haha. Malu saya.

When I reached home, I called my boyfriend.
I wanted to tell him but he was on his way for his daily dose of football.

I told him not to go.

He promised me he would play for only 20 minutes.

I slept and woke up at 4am. Nobody woke me up for dinner. I don't remember whether my boyfriend did call or not. I think he didn't and assumed that I collapsed after a tiring day at work.
He is always like that. He lets me sleep when he knows I am tired.

So, I still haven't told him about my lunch.

It's 5am now and I am still writing.

I couldn't help but feel happy about my lunch date!

Actually, I am just happy that, finally, there's someone who would flirt with me!
(Wait, he was not flirting with me! I just THINK that he was)

Saturday, May 29, 2010

berlawan = bahaya

I feel extremely guilty. Because lately I have been keeping secrets from my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is not very happy because I spend so much time with a male friend.

I see nothing wrong with it. I know he is not interested in me, and he knows I am so in love with my boyfriend, so I figure the relationship is harmless.

Since my friend and I live in the same neighbourhood, isn't it logically convenient (financially and socially) to go everywhere together?

Because of my boyfriend's disapproval, I, sometimes, had to lie that there's someone else in the car/ restaurant (insert- wherever we may be at that time).

I strongly believe in karma. Currently, I am so scared that sooner or later, my boyfriend may be keeping secrets from me too!

But I don't want to lose my friend and I want my boyfriend to lose his insecurities. Doesn't he know that good friends are hard to find, they don't come along very often and especially the ones who are as crazy as you!

And most of the time, it is not our faults. We would be planning an outing with a whole bunch of friends, but somehow, one by one would decide to ditch us, something came up la, last minute emergency la, bangun lambat la, so in the end, the two of us again.

Bf: You tak boleh rapat sangat dengan dia. Orang tua-tua dah kata, lelaki dengan perempuan tu berlawan!
Me: Tapi mana ada I gaduh-gaduh dengan dia!
Bf: You faham tak maksud 'berlawan' tu? Maksudnya, bahaya, tau tak? Lelaki bila dah bersama dengan perempuan tu bahaya!

Haha. Berlawan = bergaduh. Mana I tahu!


I don't know why, but I get overly sensitive when somebody say things like this to me:

"Don't just stand there looking pretty and doing nothing," or something parallel along that line.

Although, sometimes, I like to pretend that I am bimbo, or I like people to underestimate my capabilities, but when they find a connection between how I look with my intellectuality; I get very, Very, VERY offended.

First, because it is sooo untrue.

I grew up believing I was not pretty. Boys did not fancy me. I work my best to get to the where I am now. Physically, I was lacking, so, when these people imply that I am simply selling my face while I work, I wish I could say- Fuck off.

So far, two of my FEMALE bosses had said the exact same thing to me in two different occasions, which I feel like waving my middle finger in their faces.

How dare you. How dare!

You can comment on my looks, you can comment on the way I dress, you can comment on my intellectuality, you can comment on my work ethics, but NEVER ever mention them together in one sentence.

I am not stupid. I just don't want to show off, you idiot.
Because the more you know, the more humble you should be, you idiot.

And so, I was left a little bit more confused than usual.

Because I have got people, staffs to be precise, on numerous numbers of times, coming up to me, to tell me that I should change my appearance for the greater good.
They say things like, "Kalaulah saya boleh make-over Cik Ectopy..." or "Cik Ectopy patut masuk rancangan bla bla bla (some local makeover TV programmes that I have never heard of), mesti cantik..." or "Cuba kalau Ectopy pakai macam ni, buat rambut macam tu, lepas tu letak celak sikit..."

I got to think it over and I have come to a simple conclusion:

Grumpy, old, women will always be forever jealous to the younger generation, no matter how ugly they are.


Me: You rasa I cantik tak?
Bf: Mestilah cantik...
Me: Habis tu, kenapa orang selalu komen pasal rupa I?
Bf: Diorang tu tak tahu menilai kecantikan...
Me: Kenapa takde lelaki suka dekat I?
Bf: Sebab diorang tahu you dah ada I.
Me: Tapi I suke je dekat lelaki walaupun diorang dah ada girlfriend/ tunang/ isteri.
Bf: Tu sebab you gatal.
Me: (Laughs)
Bf: Ada lelaki minat you, tapi diorang minat senyap-senyap...
Me: Yeke?
Bf: I tahulah, sebab you cantik.

My boyfriend always makes me happy at the end of the day.
Just because he says things that I want to hear!


Sunday, May 9, 2010

I had a bad day at work, around two weeks ago.
With me getting sick, physically, I mean, causing a little drama in the lobby with the people present at that time are mostly the people I know.


Sometimes, I take more than one bag to work. But my friends were so sweet, they actually accompanied me to the eight floor, brought my bags on their shoulders (despite of them being guys) and made me safe and sound.

After we parted, one of them actually had the courtesy to message me and asked how I was doing.

I needed that. Someone who cares about me.

I spent the whole day crying and not crying and crying again. I needed my boyfriend but I didn't feel like talking, so I didn't tell my boyfriend what had happened. I only told him briefly and he thought I was fine.

I wasn't fine. I was very irritable at that time. I was sensitive, that any wrongdoing that was inflicted onto me, I took it to the heart and I felt horrible.

I was extremely scared and fragile. I was losing myself.

I had to work late that night. I thought couldn't, but I must. Two of my friends came looking for me, but I was having shower at work. Then, there they were, asking me how my day was and they suggested for pizza.

As I couldn't leave, they brought pizza for me. :)

I always consider myself lucky because I always have these wonderful friends.

Remember when I said, I only have colleagues, not friends at work?

I was wrong. I've made some really good friends.

The other day, I was at work when a friend decided to check me out at work.

My boss asked, "What is Raymond doing here?"

I thought my boss meant another Raymond, his Raymond.

I looked around, I didn't see anybody, so I continued with my work.

A few days later, my Raymond confessed that he came looking for me but he saw me busy doing work so he left without me even noticing.

Now, tell me, is that sweet or what!

The only explanation that I have for my fortune is: This is what God return to me in favour of me being so patient with my clients and staffs. My clients and staffs might be rude to me, but hey, at least I have the greatest friends on earth.

So, good deeds do make fruitful profits afterall...

The thing is, most of my good friends are guys. Not that I am very picky or tomboyish, it's just that, most of my girl friends are married and the activities that I can do with them are limited.

The sad thing is, I really want some girl friends so they can sleep over at my house the night before I get married.

It must be weird if I were to have my guy friends filling up my living room before I get married. (Imagine the situation). Haha! Lawaklah pulak...

I desperately need my boyfriend.
Me: Sekarang ni, bapa I cakap, kena kahwin tahun depan.
Bf: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab bapa I nak pergi Mekah dulu. (Laughs) Semangat gila bapa I, nak pergi Mekah minta petunjuk...
Bf: Apalah bapa you ni...Kalau nak jodoh nak buat macam mana...Betul tak?
Me: Habislah you...Kalau bapa I mimpi nampak laki lain depan Kaabah macam mana?
Bf: Takkan punya...
Me: Mana you tahu...
Bf: You ni, cakap macam tak sayang I!

:) I sayang you lah...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

pretty shoes make me happy

Listening to:
Their Cell by Girl in a Coma.

Life has its ups and downs.

The best part about it is when you compared what happened during your bad times with the good times you are having.

Like yesterday, I knew I was going to have a very difficult time at work, so many things to do, but as usual, tak cukup kaki tangan, and with so many petty complaints that I need to look into (sometimes, they are not even my job, but I don't want to be calculative), I casually asked a close friend of mine:

"How long do you think before I explode? Wanna bet? 1 month? 2 months?" I said while giggling.

"I'd say...By this Friday!"

Little did I know, I had my mini explosion last night itself.

I cried to my boyfriend. I have the best, most understanding boyfriend ever. He listened and gave me encouragement. And even though he was not next to me physically, I could feel him stroking my hair trying to calm me down.

I'm glad I have my sweet friends around too. I seldom tell them what's bothering me, but sometimes I wish they know how much I appreciate it when out of nowhere, they send me SMSes to ask me out for supper or things like that. They don't know how much they've done to save me.

Do you know that it's difficult to be a nice person? Because, to be a true, genuinely nice person,
1) you shouldn't expect anything in return.
2) you shouldn't mind doing the nice things. You must always willingly to do them.
3) you have to have patience.
4) tak boleh nak mengungkit.
5) kena persistent, atau dalam Bahasa Arabnya, kena istiqamah.
6) kena consistently have a pure heart, tak boleh evil.

See...Susah okay!

Lepas tu, nanti kena pijak pijak, tapi you still have to be patient and put a smile on your face.

Whenever I feel angry at someone, I try to find a good thing about that person so I can't blame him/ her,
like, "Sejahat-jahat mulut dia pun, at least dia pakai tudung, tak macam I ni...Pahala dia lagi banyak dari I, so jangan ingat diri I ni bagus sangat nak benci-benci orang!" Lepas tu terus insaf, tapi apakan daya, diri masih nak ber'skirt'. Haha...

Oh, well, but today, I am happy. Way happier than yesterday!

I decided to wear my new, cutest shoes ever to work.

Early in the morning, I was greeted with compliments of my pretty shoes.

Heeee! I can be such a girly girl sometimes even at this age!

Seriously, those shoes have magic, everytime I look at them, I smile like a little kid getting a new toy. I'm so happy with my purchase, dah lah comel, cheap and comfortable pulak tu! Cukup 3 Cs!

The day went so well today, I can even list down the things that make me happy:

1) less work because I was stationed outside my usual workplace. Celebrate!

2) was greeted by a guy from Brunei, who said,
"Hai. Saya selalu nampak awak. Awak siapa nama?"
And then he asked me where I lived and etc.
I told him I needed to go, but he said, "Agak-agak bila awak boleh bagi number telephone?"
My answer was, "Nanti-nantilah eh?"
Heee...Then terus telefon boyfriend and excitedly told him I kena ngorat. (Giggles)

3) Was reminded by something that happened a few days before:
A crazy person, like a real crazy person, was hanging around at my workplace. So as I was doing my work, he said, "Awak banyak cantiklah!"

Jangan layan.

I went home, I told my boyfriend that I was sad because a crazy man thought I was pretty. Maksudnya, mestilah I tak cantik because if he knows what's beautiful and what not, he would have taken care of himself better and wear proper attire!

My boyfriend said, "Crazy men are honest."

I refused to listen to him, until today, I teringat dekat Alice in Wonderland. :)

4) One of my bosses actually noticed my hard work, like finally!

5) Can I mention shoes, again?

P/S: I lost RM500 today. So sad. Could have given Mother the money instead. But I am still happy. Duit cuma. Lainkali cari lagi. Even though it was totally not my fault, but I redha. I hope, whoever has MY money now, will use them wisely for good deeds.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

A few weeks back, I read a blog. The blogger talked about the assignment he/ she had been given by his/ her lecturer: Write 10 words that best describe about you. Then choose the best three, and elaborate.

According to him/ her, the assignment is more difficult than it sounds. I don't have to try it to agree, but anyway, I am going to do it now, spontaneously, I promise.

Oh, my, this is going to be loooong.

Time start 0017.

1- optimistic
2- cheerful
3- split
4- adventurous
5- reasonable

Time finish 0055.

Okay, I give up. I need more than one word to describe me. Like 'Split'. I am actually trying to say that I have a split personality. I couldn't find another word which carries the same meaning. The closest is 'indecisive'. But I am not really indecisive, I just have a split personality! Happy now, sad the next moment, like a bipolar person, but I don't really suffer from a bipolar psychotic behaviour disorder. I just have a split personality, understand?

Anyhow, this is an assignment. We usually have one week to complete one assignment. I'll continue later, okay?

I wrote 5 words already. But if I were to choose only 3, I don't which of them are best to describe me. I don't have the slightest idea!

This is to describe who I am. I am me, so I must know how am I like, ain't I?

The lesson here is, 'The hardest lesson is to know thyself'.

Work is crazy. Despite the craziness, I am still inspired, on random days.

Someone at work is constantly scolded. I adore her patience and her determination.

My friend told me, she once said, "Kerja tu ibadah. Biarlah orang nak marah kita pun."

Ibadah. I like that word.

Next time, whenever I feel shitty at work, I just have to remind myself, "Kalau nak buat ibadah, hati kena ikhlas."

I'm surrounded by many new colleagues and I have to bear with their myriad attitudes!

I especially hate those whose jobs are to assist me but they don't even attempt to assist me at all. Dah lah refuse to do their job, being rude to me pulak tu.

Sometimes, I feel like, "Hello, I am your boss, tolong respect sikit boleh tak?" Geram tau. I am polite to you, I even call you 'Kak', not by your pangkat (yang lebih rendah from mine), and it's not like I don't have better work to do, can't you be at least civilised to me back!

The other day, I was really hurt by this one 'Kakak'. I was in charge for other clients, but she assumed I was in charge for her clients as well. She told me that this one client was a little bit fussy. So? What am I to do? I have my clients to attend to as well.

And I wasn't like being rude to her at all. I told her, "Kakak, siapa yang in charge sini? Saya tak in charge sini lah..."

Do you know what she did next? She intentionally said this loudly, "Aku benci betullah kerja dekat sini!"

At first, I wasn't bothered at all, because I thought she directed her anger towards someone else. So, I ignored her. Besides, I thought tak baik lah nak eavedrops orang punya conversation.

Then, she began to slam the drawers, hempas-hempas files semua, while I was still there.

I kan agak optimistic, so I thought, 'Jangan perasan that she's angry with you. Entah-entah dia marah orang lain.' I tried to coax myself not to mind her attitude. Tak baik bersangka buruk.

As I was about to leave, she called me and asked to sort out her client, and she rudely asked me to. So, memang confirm lah kan...

It's either I was really patient, or I was just too tired to acknowledge her problematic behaviour.

So, I attended the client, gave some pep-talk, and the client agreed. Tak sampai dua minit pun.

Seriously, nampak sangat 'Kakak' tu was not even trying to talk to the client. Client was agreeable after talking to me. Susah sangat ke? And she dared to throw tantrums toward me, some more.

Tapi, kerja kan ibadat. Kena ikhlas.

Mungkin, suami kakak tu baru minta cerai the day before kot. Tu pasal meroyan macam orang nak menopause. Who knows kan?

I continued to do my work, keeping quiet. Sampai rumah, I malas nak cerita dekat my boyfriend, nanti bertambah tak ikhlas dan menyakitkan hati, tapi before I went to bed, I fikir, "Patutlah kau kerja sebagai orang bawahan. With attitude like that, you will never improve."

I hate to generalize sebenarnya. Because I've had very efficient assistants before, I even adore them!

I guess, that Kakak is one rotten fruit. Busuk, basi! Good thing I don't even remember your face to hold grudges on you. Kalau tak, buat tambah dosa I je.

I hope my offsprings and I will never have that kind of attitude.