Sunday, September 28, 2008

family gathering.

There will be a big family gathering in Putrajaya in December.

There are about 1600 of us, but the places are limited to 600 people only.

If you received the invitation letter- Hello, I guess we are related. :)

I am the ninth generation, by the way.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

epal busuk

I was in the kitchen. I opened the refridgerator door and saw 5 red apples.

5 red apples left from the time I bought a bag of them two weeks ago. I thought, 'I better eat them now while they are still crunchy'.

One apple was in my palm as I settled in my fluffy bed. The TV was switched on. Only then, I took my first bite.

Second bite, third bite, I chewed and swallowed the natural sweetness.

As I was reaching to the core of the fruit, I smelled something unpleasant.

I sniffed and wondered where it was coming from.

*Sniff sniff sniff*

To my horror, it came from the apple itself!

To my horror horror, it was actually the smell of my bad breath, transferred to the fruit!

Euw. I laughed at myself.

I have bad breath.

Tak apa. Puasa punya pasal. Syukur sajalah...

I finished the whole apple ignoring the smell.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

plagiarised joke.

Because it is the holy month of Ramadhan...


Suatu petang selepas pulang dari kuliah agama di surau, si isteri menceritakan apa yang didengarnya dalam kuliah tersebut kepada suaminya.

"Abang, abang nak tau tak, ustaz kata bila suami dan isteri itu bersatu/ bersetubuh kan bang kann dengan cara yang betul dan menjaga syarat yang betul maka pasangan tersebut akan mendapat pahala sama seperti membunuh 10 ekor atau beberapa ekor syaitan".

Kata si suami, "Yerr kerr. Tak apa, malam ni malam Jumaat, masa yang sesuai utuk bunuh syaitan kann, betul tak sayanggg" sambil ketawa. Isteri hanya tersenyum panjang.

Selang dua hari kemudian, si isteri berkata, "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan...Bang...". Si suami tersenyum panjang.

Selang dua hari kemudian, si isteri berkata "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan...Bang...".
"Takpe...tunggula malam," jawab si suami.

Esoknya si isteri berkata "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan...Bang...".
Si suami diam sambil mengangguk lemah.

Esoknya si isteri berkata "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan... ".
Si suami tiba-tiba marah dan berkata
"Ayang nie nak bunuh syaitan ke nak bunuh abang!!"


Click below if you are interested in the topic:

Poligami Rasulullah SAW Bukan Ayat-ayat Cinta.

Friday, September 19, 2008

don't break your fast before maghrib unless necessary.

Most of the time, I don't feel comfortable to give advice on religious matters. Especially in the case where the person is not asking for it. This is mainly because of my physical appearance (the way I dress).

So, whenever I see someone is doing something I know is wrong, I wouldn't dare to correct him/ her.

Today, I want to advice my Muslim readers not to break fast as you wish to. I see many people do this common mistake and never once I said anything to educate them.

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang maksudnya: "Sesiapa yang berbuka puasa Ramadhan bukan kerana rukhsah (kelonggaran) yang dirukhsahkan oleh Allah, tidak dapat diqadha’kan dengan puasa setahun walaupun ia betul-betul (melakukan) puasa setahun itu.”
Riwayat Abu Daud, Ibnu Majah dan at-Tirmidzi

Which means, you cannot decide not to fast tomorrow because you have to cook, therefore you need to test the meals first, for the buka puasa gathering you are hosting.
You also cannot refuse to fast just because you forget to bersahur on the night before.

In simple terms, you cannot break your fast ikut suka hati sendiri, thinking you can always replace the days you miss in the year to come.

You are only allowed to break fast, or skip a day of puasa wajib under certain conditions (rukhsah or kelonggaran berpuasa) such as musafir (travelling) or it will compromise your health, etc.

The same applies when you are fasting for any puasa wajib such as qada' puasa or puasa nazar. After you already intend to fast the next day (dengan niat berpuasa qada' or nazar), you are expected to fast for a full day.
You cannot break your fast in the middle of the day just because you colleagues are throwing a surprise birthday party for your boss and you are tempted to taste the moist chocolate cake.

It is permissible if you are fasting with niat puasa sunat. A big no-no for puasa wajib.

Afterall, fasting is about controlling yourself from temptations!

Sekian sahaja tazkirah hari ini.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

cabaran bulan ramadhan.

I am no longer interested in Malaysian current news, I decide to be an ignorant bitch.

Anyway, after I heard what happened to F, I just can't understand why is the world cruel.

F found a video of her husband, having sex with another woman, and she is married too!

I wrote about F some time ago. Yes, F's husband's infidelity is no secret to us, but this time, it has gone too far.

F called the woman in the in the video and asked her to leave her husband and she threatened her to send the video to the Kementerian Pelajaran (that woman is a teacher) if she doesn't do as what she had been told to.

"Betapa besarnya dosa seorang isteri yang berzina, sehinggakan Allah memberi keizinan pada suami- tidak berdosa jika suami membunuh isterinya dan lelaki tersebut."

F thinks a child would fix the problem.
I think, there must be a reason God is not making her pregnant.
Run now before your child becomes a victim of neglect/ abuse!

If I were F, I would have asked for a divorce before I become crazy.
F and her 'but divorce is the most hated halal thing in the eye of God! I will try to avoid it and save this marriage no matter what'...

I respect that, but Girl, you've given your 'no matter what'.
I am advising her to go for marriage counselling.
If her husband makes no effort to turn up at the sessions, it's clear he has no intention to be married to F.

I hope she knows how special she is, that's why she is tested by God and I pray she will receive a big reward in Heaven. Keep on having faith, my dear.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

i smile

I flipped through my niece's book and saw disturbing drawings:



Kissing. Birds?

Kissing. Mice? Perhaps they are eating spaghetti.

Fashionable Red Indian?


Design a jacket.

Having sex? Phew, false alarm. I was about to get a heart attack there. Both boy and girl are chained to be forced to kiss each other as punishment. With a cruel someone laughing at them.

Kissing. People?

Design a dress. Boobs!

Boobs are supposed to fit in there, I guess.

Boobs. Fill up those cups!

Finally. A good school girl image. I was getting worried just now.


Haha! Too cute.

Kids nowadays...Darjah satu, dua, tiga dah pandai lukis sexual stuff. They watch too much anime. I was not like this at all! I was embarassed even to draw sexy-looking ladies!

A pair of nice, leather heels, which initial price was RM2000+, now reduced to RM800 only, are now being sold at Calvin Klein, Pavillion.

Sadly, I still can't bring myself to fork out RM800 just for a pair of shoes.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

orang tua yang duduk dekat kampung ingat semua makanan orang putih masak adalah haram.

I brought home cakes and cookies from abroad. GrandMa liked them all.

"Mana beli?" she asked.
I told her the name of the country I went to.
She looked a bit disturbed.

"Orang putih Islam kot..." she said to herself.

Haha! Okay...

Maybe she thought the cookies and cakes were not halal.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

half of my story

My mother has always been the medium of communication between Father and I.
Maybe because I inherit some of his traits, one of them, temperamental, that's why it is difficult for us to sit down and talk, without screaming or shouting at each other.
Besides, he is old and sensitive, while I could let go whatever mean things he says to me (knowing he doesn't really mean it), he, on the other hand, remembers and takes the mean things I say to him to the heart.

It's nice this way because Mother would tell me whatever he has to say to me in a calmer manner, sometimes, extracting out what I don't need to hear. I notice I am more accepting if Mother was the one who spoke to me.

Maybe, it is because Mother is closer to me, so she has every right to try to 'fix' me. For me, Father is the distant one, how could he fix me when he doesn't even know me? (I-mind-my-own-business, -you-mind-your-own, -I-don't-interfere-in-your-life, -you-don't-interfere-mine kinda way.)

So, it's better to stay in silent. I don't see him all the time, anyway.

Truthfully, I don't hate Father. The feeling towards him in neutral. I don't love him either. That's kinda harsh. What I was trying to say is, I love him for being my father, without him and Mother, I would have never been born in the first place, so I owe my life big time to him. Other that that, I don't really have any TLC moments with him. Of course, there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me too, he just lacks the expressions and that's who he is. I don't have a secret wish to have a Father whom I could call a friend or anything like that, I am fine with him and who he is.

The downside of this, however, Mother would always end up the victim of him (because I could never victimise my own mother).
Everytime Father disagrees with me, he would voice it out to Mother and everytime Mother tries to defend me, he declares war to both of us.

I pity Mother. She is innocent.

Here are some of what Father said to me, via Mother, of course:

1- He is disappointed in me. He used to be very proud of me, but now, I am no longer his pride.
2- He thinks my boyfriend sleeps around with prostitutes in Thailand.
3- He wants my boyfriend's IC so he could conduct an investigation on his background.
4- He said we don't know his backgroud, we shoudn't blindly believe what my boyfriend says. He might not even a university graduate. He should show us his certificates.

Like I said before, I am more accepting if Mother was the news bearer. So, I managed to control my emotions and not to wail/ protest right there and then.

On news number 1, I never expected him to say that. I am his daughter and I thought no parents would ever be disappointed in their children no matter how bad their children are. After what I've achieved so far in my life, he still could be disappointed in me. Well, I guess he just sets very high expectations on his children.

Sure, I felt sad. I even had tears in my eyes but I didn't want Mother to know how much that one sentence affected me, so I held back my tears by looking away and continued to do the dishes. I quickly thought of happy things and not to dwell too much in that.

I smiled and thought of it as a joke.
I said, "Mother, I knew from the very beginning what I do is nothing above other careers. It is overrated, it is nothing to be proud of". Mother replied it is not easy to get into the field. Then, I gave an evidence to Mother- how some of us could not even speak proper English, we are just ordinary people, nothing special.

On my boyfriend and prostitutes; it was laughable. Father sure has wild imaginations. Just because my boyfriend travels a lot and his marital status is still single, Father labels him so lowly.

The third statement was a shocker. I thought dads like this only appear in movies like, 'Meet The Parents' or 'Meet The Fockers'.
Mother said, "Menyusahkan orang betul, kamu ni. Satu kerja pula nak menyiasat dia!"

In my defence, I said, I've visited his hometown, I've met his parents and his many, many friends, I even went to his workplace, there wasn't anything suspicious about him. I trust my boyfriend completely. After years of being in a relationship with him, I know he is a good person, at least, good enough for me.

I'm not stupid. Soon after he revealed his interest in me, I already google-d his name, his IC and the company he is working with!

Half of me is glad Father wants to take this action actually. If that could satisfy him, I'll let him do whatever he wants because I know, there is nothing to hide from him. Perhaps, after the investigation (if he actually wants to proceed with it), Father would find out the good stuff about my boyfriend. The truth which is the complete opposite of Father's impression on my boyfriend.

I said, "Fine, I'll get his IC number. Wait, even better, I'll photocopy his IC for you!" Why not you do a search on his car too. Have you written down his plate number?

So, on the fourth matter, Father wants my boyfriend to laminate his old certificates and probably display them whenever they meet, huh? Outrageous! A piece of paper won't prove anything, it won't reflect someone's intelligence and success!

Me and my ortodox, conservative parents.

I really can't talk about this with anybody else other than my boyfriend. It's personal. It's kinda embarassing, don't you think? That's why I resort to writing in a blog, anonymously. I don't want you people to have wrong impressions on my parents. They are good people. This is just my point of view. I am not crying for help or sympathy. I just have to let it all out of my chest.

I know the all classic motivations- Setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya, There's a rainbow after the rain, Look at the bright side, See the glass half-full, The grass looks greener on the other side, Hujan emas di negeri (kehidupan) orang, hujan batu di negeri (kehidupan) sendiri, This is just another obstacle in life, Sabarlah menempuh dugaan, Sabar itu separuh dari iman, Tuhan hanya memberikan apa yang terbaik untuk diri kita, Kalau jodoh tak ke mana, Hidup ibarat roda, kejap di atas, kejap di bawah, etc.

I told you I know them all. I've planted them all in my mind. But I am only human, Setiap manusia pasti melakukan kesilapan, To err is human, Nobody is perfect, You shouldn't bottle up everything inside you (seriously, I could go on).

Luckily, I have my sister. If I disappointed Father, my sister will surely make him proud. She carries that responsibilities.

It's ironic. They let me live independently all this while and now when it comes to choosing my husband, my love, they suddenly become very protective of me.

Most of the time, they are afraid if my boyfriend could not support me. They don't want me to get hurt, physically, emotionally and financially. But they won't listen to my explaination. How should I tell them that money is not everything? How should I tell them and make them believe, that my boyfriend is very capable of taking care of me? How should I tell them that we fit? Tiada perbezaan status. Sekufu.

They are just being careful, I know.
My boyfriend and I are patient.

But credits should really go to my boyfriend. He has developed a very thick face. If I were him, I would never set a foot in my parents' house ever again. But I like his persistence. That must have annoyed my parents very much. Haha.

Yeah, I won't let all this stress the hell outta me!

evil thong

The last person who e-mailed me regarding with the G-string post I did some time ago, was last week. Some of them wanted to 'berkenalan' and exchange photos. Sorry, you guys, I don't entertain strange requests from strange strangers.

Anyway, here's a Q&A on Sex in Cleo September 2008 issue.

'While there have been no studies that have proven the connection between wearing thongs and UTI (urinary tract infection) or yeast infections but incidentally, some gynaecologists have reported that an increasing number of thong wearers suffer from recurrent urinary tract and vaginal infections.
For the most part, they think that a thong could be a conduit for bacteria.
Since a thong is a long and close-fitting strip of fabric, it can easily pick up faecal matter and bacteria from the anus, and if the thong moves, can carry the matter forward to the vagina and urinary tract.
One gynaecologist likened a thong to a subway car transporting bacteria from the rectum to the vagina.
UTIs and some types of vaginitis (although not yeast infections) are caused by bacteria, often from faecal matter.
And perhaps that's why t hongs are to blame.'

See...More reason not to wear thongs.

And not to to be involved in anal sex.

No matter how clean you think your rectum is, there is always shit in there! Don't believe me? Wear a latex glove and insert your finger in your rectum and see and smell and taste yourself lah.
Just accept the fact, people, God created the rectum not for sex.

And stop those dirty fantasies to try anal sex. Vagina lagi best sebab boleh kemut-kemut.

Tips: The best kegeal is by sneezing while you are being penetrated, it guarantees maximum satisfaction for your partner (I read this in a magazine and haven't tried it myself. But I believe this is true. Logic what!). Just one problem, how do you force yourself to sneeze? While having sex?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

the malay vs evian

I like to speak in Malay when shopping or ordering food or even in hospitals, no matter how posh the place is. Entah, I like to test people, because I don't like it when you call yourself a Malaysian but you cannot speak Malay (and I don't even expect you to speak proper Malay, Manglish is also accepted). And when someone who is not a Malay but speaks fluent Malay, I get all excited. Or, if they struggle to speak the national language and end up talking funny instead, I get all excited and gigglish too. (Hah, should include this in my 10 Greatest Joys. Okay, I'll make this my number 6 of my 10 Greatest Joys tag by bangkai which I haven't completed yet. Haha.)

Unfortunately, many people who work there can't understand Malay. When this happens, my boyfriend has the habit of asking their country of origin. They are not to be blamed, though. Most of them are foreigners, from Myanmar, Philippines, etc, mencari rezeki di bumi Malaysia.

Why are there so many of them now serving food in restaurants?
Not that I mind, I am just curious, because it used to be Indonesians and Bangladeshis flooding the country!

At a kinda posh cafe:
I was hungry and I asked my boyfriend to accompany me to eat. I ordered fish and chips and "air".
"Mineral water?" the waitress asked.
I was busy studying the menu (still) so my boyfriend confirmed the order for me.
"Okay. One orange juice, one fish and chips and one Evian," she repeated our orders before she went.

Did she say Evian? I wanted water! Just water! Plain water! Free water!

Eyes widened, I glared at the suspected culprit, who else if not my boyfriend. "You ordered Evian? I want water! What did you say to her!" I whispered in anger, trying not to make a big scene. Thank God I still had the menu in hand, to cover my voice and facial expression from public.

"You said you want water," my boyfriend said in defence.
"I said I want "air"!"
"I don't know. Then, she said, "mineral water?""
"Then, you said "Yes" to that?" I wanted to scold my boyfriend for spending RM8 just for a 500ml of water.
"Dekat sini mana ada orang minum tap water," he said.
"Depan mata tu apa?" I pouted my lips to the direction of a counter situated in front of us, with jugs of water and lemons.
"Orang putih tak minum air paip dekat Malaysia..."
"I bukan orang putih!"

I eventually calmed down. We decided that the best way was to cancel the order, but none of us wanted to do it. Don't want to drop our water faces lah! "Excuse me, I want to cancel the Evian, I only want tap water please." or "Hoi! Saya nak air paip lah!" Yeah, right. And all other customers would look at us- Poor you, because you are poor.

I hate it when miscommunication like this happens. I especially hate it when I talk in Malay and the waitress is Malay but insisting to continue to speak in English, then get my order wrong!

It's like when a patient talks to a doctor in Malay, does the doctor continue to talk in English? If the doctor does, he/ she is definitely not a good doctor. Because a patient is the doctor's client/ customer, hence, he/ she must make the client/ customer happy by going with the flow (in terms of language, in this case)!

And it is not so much about being able or not to afford 16 sen for every 10ml of water.

Now, I present to you, why I don't like Evian.

1) I don't want to be seen as I-am-great-I-only-demand-Evian-as-my-plain-water.
2) I don't want other people to think the above and say, "Tapi muka tetap berkawah macam bulan, tak licin pun..."
3) And to avoid "And she doesn't look rich too. She even looks like she could not afford it. Look at the way she dresses!" (gasps)
4) I could have used that RM8 to pay for the parking fees!
5) Or donate it to a charity.

My boyfriend took a sip of my drink and said, "Sedapnya air ni! Patutlah 8 ringgit!" smiling sheepishly.
"Ye la tu! I rasa sama je!" and we laughed.

If I could, I would have licked the glass just because I paid RM8 for that freaking bottled water.

And you guessed it right, I minum sampai ke titisan terakhir just to make the most out of that RM8.

Then I felt like peeing and went to the toilet to empty my bladder and flushed the RM8 away.

to forget complications...

I like the new Tiffany & Co. collection, Tiffany Notes, especially this one (shown below). It's not too expensive, if you don't mind spending RM 500+ on a sterling silver. I tried on two, this and another one, (I cannot find its picture in the official website though), something similar, a heart-shape pendant, engraved with 'Tiffany Dreams'.

My boyfriend said the latter looked nicer on me, which contradicted my preferance, this one below.

Did you notice the necklace knot? It's designed that way.

Me, being me, I like to spend my money wisely. The price should reflex its complexity (or is it complexicity?) and the item must be unique so others could not replicate it easily.

I really hate it when I see something similar to what I already have, much cheaper than what I paid. I'd feel like scolding myself even after a sale, "You, fool! If you waited a little while longer, you wouldn't need to waste so much money on this thing!"

And, I'd rather spend my money on something long-lasting like a watch or a piece of jewelry.

See, I am complicated.

That's why I like this piece of jewelry. In my opinion, it's unique, I've never seen anything similar to it and for some reason, I really like the idea of an address on a pendant. The idea is fresh and new. And I like the font too. And the curvature of the plate.

Since my boyfriend and I are a couple of complicated people...Wait, let me rephrase it, since my boyfriend and I are in a complex relationship, we both love Frank Muller's Master of Complications.

I especially like the Secret Hours collection. The watch always shows it's 12 o'clock. "So how do you tell the time then?" we asked the sale assistant. Simply press the dial on the left and it will show you the actual time.


The price is RM 80k ++ after 35% discount. (If anyone interested, check out the shop next to Salvatore Ferragamo in Pavillion)

The Crazy Hours however, is more popular and affordable (relatively) retailing at RM 20k ++.

"Siapa orang famous pakai Frank Muller?" my boyfriend asked.
"Frank Muller tiada ambassador tapi banyak orang pakai. David Beckham pun pakai. Artis pun banyak beli," the sale assistant explained in his Chinese accent.
"Oh, artis beli? Artis mana?" I was curious too. Which Malaysian celebrity bought and wears a Frank Muller?
"Artis Hong Kong," he replied.

Mati-mati I ingat artis Malaysia yang kaya raya tu!

So, we have decided, my boyfriend's dream watch is a Frank Muller's Crazy Hours while mine is a watch from Chopard's Happy Diamond.


The names of Frank Muller's collections are interesting: Secret Hours, Crazy Hours, Colour Dreams...
Then, we walked away from the shop and arrived at Gucci and saw Gucci's new collection's big ad on the window store- Hysteria.

Bagai nak gila jadinya!

We didn't buy any of the items featured in this post. Hanya mampu pandang, admire, dan cuba-cuba tengok how it looks and feels like wearing them. It felt good.

I was nominated by dazzledalie for Brilliante Weblog Premio- 2008 (whatever that is). Thank you for the nomination and then...? I'm not sure what to do next. Anyway, my blog is not brilliant, I was nominated just because (as quoted from dazzledalie):

1) I frequently update
2) A few selected posts published in this blog are interesting. Only a few! Some! Not all!

Okay, I'm offended and embarassed! Haha! Why did you nominate my blog even though this blog doesn't fit the criteria of a brilliante weblog!

I'm turning a simple statement into a complicated one. Sorry. Told you:
a) I'm complex
b) I like to complicate things
c) I like complex situations
d) all of the above

You choose.

P/S: Just kidding. Thank you for the nomination. :)