Thursday, September 4, 2008

half of my story

My mother has always been the medium of communication between Father and I.
Maybe because I inherit some of his traits, one of them, temperamental, that's why it is difficult for us to sit down and talk, without screaming or shouting at each other.
Besides, he is old and sensitive, while I could let go whatever mean things he says to me (knowing he doesn't really mean it), he, on the other hand, remembers and takes the mean things I say to him to the heart.

It's nice this way because Mother would tell me whatever he has to say to me in a calmer manner, sometimes, extracting out what I don't need to hear. I notice I am more accepting if Mother was the one who spoke to me.

Maybe, it is because Mother is closer to me, so she has every right to try to 'fix' me. For me, Father is the distant one, how could he fix me when he doesn't even know me? (I-mind-my-own-business, -you-mind-your-own, -I-don't-interfere-in-your-life, -you-don't-interfere-mine kinda way.)

So, it's better to stay in silent. I don't see him all the time, anyway.

Truthfully, I don't hate Father. The feeling towards him in neutral. I don't love him either. That's kinda harsh. What I was trying to say is, I love him for being my father, without him and Mother, I would have never been born in the first place, so I owe my life big time to him. Other that that, I don't really have any TLC moments with him. Of course, there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me too, he just lacks the expressions and that's who he is. I don't have a secret wish to have a Father whom I could call a friend or anything like that, I am fine with him and who he is.

The downside of this, however, Mother would always end up the victim of him (because I could never victimise my own mother).
Everytime Father disagrees with me, he would voice it out to Mother and everytime Mother tries to defend me, he declares war to both of us.

I pity Mother. She is innocent.

Here are some of what Father said to me, via Mother, of course:

1- He is disappointed in me. He used to be very proud of me, but now, I am no longer his pride.
2- He thinks my boyfriend sleeps around with prostitutes in Thailand.
3- He wants my boyfriend's IC so he could conduct an investigation on his background.
4- He said we don't know his backgroud, we shoudn't blindly believe what my boyfriend says. He might not even a university graduate. He should show us his certificates.

Like I said before, I am more accepting if Mother was the news bearer. So, I managed to control my emotions and not to wail/ protest right there and then.

On news number 1, I never expected him to say that. I am his daughter and I thought no parents would ever be disappointed in their children no matter how bad their children are. After what I've achieved so far in my life, he still could be disappointed in me. Well, I guess he just sets very high expectations on his children.

Sure, I felt sad. I even had tears in my eyes but I didn't want Mother to know how much that one sentence affected me, so I held back my tears by looking away and continued to do the dishes. I quickly thought of happy things and not to dwell too much in that.

I smiled and thought of it as a joke.
I said, "Mother, I knew from the very beginning what I do is nothing above other careers. It is overrated, it is nothing to be proud of". Mother replied it is not easy to get into the field. Then, I gave an evidence to Mother- how some of us could not even speak proper English, we are just ordinary people, nothing special.

On my boyfriend and prostitutes; it was laughable. Father sure has wild imaginations. Just because my boyfriend travels a lot and his marital status is still single, Father labels him so lowly.

The third statement was a shocker. I thought dads like this only appear in movies like, 'Meet The Parents' or 'Meet The Fockers'.
Mother said, "Menyusahkan orang betul, kamu ni. Satu kerja pula nak menyiasat dia!"

In my defence, I said, I've visited his hometown, I've met his parents and his many, many friends, I even went to his workplace, there wasn't anything suspicious about him. I trust my boyfriend completely. After years of being in a relationship with him, I know he is a good person, at least, good enough for me.

I'm not stupid. Soon after he revealed his interest in me, I already google-d his name, his IC and the company he is working with!

Half of me is glad Father wants to take this action actually. If that could satisfy him, I'll let him do whatever he wants because I know, there is nothing to hide from him. Perhaps, after the investigation (if he actually wants to proceed with it), Father would find out the good stuff about my boyfriend. The truth which is the complete opposite of Father's impression on my boyfriend.

I said, "Fine, I'll get his IC number. Wait, even better, I'll photocopy his IC for you!" Why not you do a search on his car too. Have you written down his plate number?

So, on the fourth matter, Father wants my boyfriend to laminate his old certificates and probably display them whenever they meet, huh? Outrageous! A piece of paper won't prove anything, it won't reflect someone's intelligence and success!

Me and my ortodox, conservative parents.

I really can't talk about this with anybody else other than my boyfriend. It's personal. It's kinda embarassing, don't you think? That's why I resort to writing in a blog, anonymously. I don't want you people to have wrong impressions on my parents. They are good people. This is just my point of view. I am not crying for help or sympathy. I just have to let it all out of my chest.

I know the all classic motivations- Setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya, There's a rainbow after the rain, Look at the bright side, See the glass half-full, The grass looks greener on the other side, Hujan emas di negeri (kehidupan) orang, hujan batu di negeri (kehidupan) sendiri, This is just another obstacle in life, Sabarlah menempuh dugaan, Sabar itu separuh dari iman, Tuhan hanya memberikan apa yang terbaik untuk diri kita, Kalau jodoh tak ke mana, Hidup ibarat roda, kejap di atas, kejap di bawah, etc.

I told you I know them all. I've planted them all in my mind. But I am only human, Setiap manusia pasti melakukan kesilapan, To err is human, Nobody is perfect, You shouldn't bottle up everything inside you (seriously, I could go on).

Luckily, I have my sister. If I disappointed Father, my sister will surely make him proud. She carries that responsibilities.

It's ironic. They let me live independently all this while and now when it comes to choosing my husband, my love, they suddenly become very protective of me.

Most of the time, they are afraid if my boyfriend could not support me. They don't want me to get hurt, physically, emotionally and financially. But they won't listen to my explaination. How should I tell them that money is not everything? How should I tell them and make them believe, that my boyfriend is very capable of taking care of me? How should I tell them that we fit? Tiada perbezaan status. Sekufu.

They are just being careful, I know.
My boyfriend and I are patient.

But credits should really go to my boyfriend. He has developed a very thick face. If I were him, I would never set a foot in my parents' house ever again. But I like his persistence. That must have annoyed my parents very much. Haha.

Yeah, I won't let all this stress the hell outta me!


Miss aiza said... situation same with yours. MY father dint like my boyfriend. He said to me. " Tak menyesal ke?"... and i said tak menyesal. He always said that my boyfriend selalu kikis duit i. But things is different, dia yang selalu bagi duit masa i kesempitan duit. My dad always said that i will not happy if i marry with him. I said to him, i need urs bless. If im not happy u juz pray to god and wish me happy. I felt sad coz suddenly my dad tak suka pilihan sendiri, sbb die takut nnt kena dera la, apa la all the negative thinking. Haih..u still hav sis, but im alone.

O my love said...

I know my mom a lil bit frustated of my Mr.B because he refuse to have children.


phantom said...

Don't forget his borang J.

qahina said...

when I told my mom that my husband (previous a boyfriend status! :)) was the One, she asked for his ID number and checked on him! Just because she works at Bukit Aman, she knew everything - from how much saman he got to was hillarious! My brother thought he was gay - he told me - Yong, single men in their 40s don't go to gym unless they're gay. He's just using you cover his identity! LOL

Looking back - I had to laugh at all the idiot stuff I went thru but heck...this is my jodoh eventually. I feel that this guy of yours is your jodoh too if he feels as strongly for you..but just brace the motion easy. Ur parents, at the end of the day, are just being protective, for themselves (reputation-wise) AND for your future..:)