Monday, August 25, 2014

Just got back from the clinic for Baby K's 1st year jab. In the morning, we collected the prizes that I won (again), haha, exciting, but embarassing at the same time because I think the receptionist has started to recognize me. Seriously, people, I think the reason I keep winning because nobody else is entering the contests?

Anyway, this will be a short post. Some quotes I would like to remember:

- "Information is not knowledge."
Many people mistake the things the read on the Internet would make them smarter. No, you will be informed, but knowledge is power. How do you acquire knowledge? Not by Googling, of course.

- I always like to say- I hope everyone will get what they deserve.
However, my Facebook friend posted something like this: To hope for someone would get what they deserve is cruel. Even we, the servants, get to enter Paradise by God's mercy. I don't think we get to go to heaven just because we deserve it.

Hhmm...What she says is quite true up to a certain point. God is the Most merciful, but I believe God is fair too. Life would be quite pointless if He is not fair, like, those who got away from this worldly crimes, I am sure there will be punishments await them one day.

Am I cruel to hope for a bad person to get punished? Sure, sometimes, we are not happy with the type of punishment he gets because we think it's not heavy enough. That's why I'd like to think, probably he deserves a lighter punishment because he did some goods in his life, not necessarily something that I know of.

And that's why God promise there will be Judgement Day. And that's why, there are things such as Taubat.

Wow, philisophy me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Actually, I wanted to post about this earlier but I was too sleepy. The next day, it had gone viral. Terus mati semangat nak tulis.

Tapi, malam ni rasa nak tulis balik. It's about domestic violence. Personally, I haven't encountered or know anyone who has been abused by their spouse. Somehow, I think it happens commoner than we think.

I always consider myself as a strong person. Until today, I don't depend too much on anybody else but myself. So, when I was younger, I thought if it ever happens to me, there'd be no thinking twice, I'd leave.

Which, made me wonder why those women can't do the same, I did not understand.

Now, having a family I call my own, I think there is a tendency for me to allow myself to become a victim, if it occurred to me.

Of course, you tend to give chances after chances to the man you used to love, the man who you think still loves you. How can you not believe his apology when he used to be your sweetheart. When you married him, you swore to be by his side, whether when it's up or down. How can you lose hope that this man will never stop hitting. Perhaps, when he sees his baby, he'd change.

And by the time you realize that he's dangerous, it's getting harder to leave. You've given up everything. You are too old. You don't have the heart to make your children grow up without a father. Perhaps, you teach yourself to accept it, because it is normal  now for you. He makes you believe it's your fault.

It's not as simple as packing your bags and leave, just like my younger, naive self would have thought.

Father was a strict, serious, fierce man, especially toward his team. When I was a small kid, he always received texts from his pager. He was always on the phone. Most of the time, he was yelling over the phone, scolding whoever he thought deserved, sometimes, using foul language.

One time, I was old enough to follow his conversation about work, he told Mother about one of the men under him who had marriage problems. He was being unfaithful, so his wife came to him.

Father was a strong believer that once your personal life interfere with your work, you are deemed unqualified. He used to say, if you can't be a leader of your own family, how can you lead others?

So, he carried out an investigation on that man, then, he produced a warning letter for him. He didn't get him sacked, but Father did not let him naik pangkat.

Now, before you think Father was biased against polygamy, he was not. He had another man under him with two wives, but the wives got along okay and sometimes, he brought both to attend events (which made Mother feel a little bit uneasy). No drama there.

So, when I first stumbled upon that FB post, I thought she should go to his boss. I mean, I've seen how Father dealt with it, and I thought most bosses would, you know, do something similar.

If AirAsia has not taken any action against that man yet, it is a shame.

When I read about the insensitive remarks about she membuka aib suami etc, it makes me sick in the stomach. At the same time, I am so glad there are other commentators who gave such strong hujah to defend that woman.

I can only hope I would never have to go through what she is going through. Can't say too soon that I have a wonderful husband, can I? People change, you know.

Mother was initially concerned about us having to do LDR. "Awak tak takut ke suami awak seorang dekat sana?"

I chuckled.

I have confidence in my husband, in me and in our relationship. If it happens, it happens. I don't know how I would react to it, but I don't want to think about something that might not even happen in the future.

As you all probably know, Baby K prefers him over me. When I balik kampung recently, Baby K would not let my husband go at all. Many commented on how rare it is for a child to be attached more to his father. I think, deep down, they must think how I suck at being a mother because when my husband is around, my husband would play with him, bathe him, tukar pampers etc...My job is to feed him and make the baby fall asleep when my husband fails to do it.

Anyway, just now, my husband and I were exchanging text messages about how cute our baby is.

Husband: Baby K tu manja sangat dengan Abang. Kalau dah besar sikit, Abang nak bawa dia balik, biar dia duduk 4-5 hari dengan Abang. Mesti dia  nak ikut.
Me: Ha ah, tak nak lepaskan Abang langsung. Manja sangat!
Husband: Abang kena sayang dia lebih. Abang dulu tak tinggal dengan ayah kandung, so Abang tahu perasaan tu.

With that message, I know Baby K and I are very lucky.

(On the other hand, I feel bad for my parents-in-law. My husband ni jenis pendendam kot...Dah 40 tahun oiii...! And he still can't get over the fact that his biological parents gave him away. And to not just anybody, to their relative, who was childless at that time, and who still treats my husband like their own! Sudah sudah lah tu...And yet, when you think it's harmless to a child, you don't know how much it scars your child for life, sampai ke tua husband I tu trauma)

Monday, August 18, 2014

Stumbled upon a blog of my junior from university and ashamed with what I have here. Hehe. Her language is of better quality, well, I really shouldn't compare because I simply am not an eloquent person lah.


Reminds me of the years I was away from home. I remember being dependant on public transports and my own to feet to commute. When it got too cold, I'd be bitching about how easy and warm my life would be if I just stayed local.

My perception completely changed after I saw so many professionals using the service, unlike Malaysia at that point of time.

I had this one vivid memory, a young, cool, sophisticated mother, dressed in skinny jeans, a bubble jacket, a scarf around her neck, wearing a pair of sunglasses, pushing a child in a stroller in her high heels, and an older child around 4 or 5 years old next to her.
She was energetic and beautiful.
I remember telling my friend, that's just the kind of mother I would like to be.

I guess I was able to briefly live the dream.

I was on a flight with my son. He was so well-behaved, I am so proud!

We landed at Subang Airport and we were the last to leave the plane. Then, I put my son in his stroller and I quickly pushed him to minimise the exposure to the loud sound.

While I was pushing him, I saw our reflections on the mirrors. Me, in jeans, my nice shirt, and flowy shawl, one hand pushing the stroller and another hand holding his sippy cup and a handbag on my shoulder. I didn't wear high heels though, but I had my nice pumps on.

Then, we waited at the conveyor belt and my other hand was pulling our hot pink luggage now.

I must have looked so good, too bad nobody was around to take a photo of us in action...(Bagi can dekat I nak perasan, boleh tak?)

For a while, I was that young, cool, sophisticated, energetic supermom!

And my moment could not be made possible without my stroller which I am so glad I purchased. It's not perfect but the fact I easily manoeuvred it single handedly makes it a winner.

My perfect stroller would be
- can be used since birth
- can be reclined to at least almost flat
- allows forward and rear facing
- light weight
- fold to stand
- small to fit a compact car
- cheap
- tyres that glide for easy manoeuvring
- easy to fold (one hand)
- not flimsy
- cantik
- doesn't need too many accessories
- etc

Well, mine doesn't fit a compact car. Wasn't a problem before until I moved back to Klang Valley and had to buy a MyVi because no way am I going to spend so much on petrol just to go to and fro work...

Anyway, initially, my dream stroller was all other nice strollers which are too expensive for my budget. I kan kedekut sikit, I just don't want to invest thousands in something I don't know whether I will be using much or if my son even wants to sit in it quietly. Mine is not even RM1k and it fits most of my requirements.

So yeah, when I saw our reflections, I know I've made the right purchase. I was so confident, I thought we should be in an ad...Haha!

(For a split moment, then I was back to being a plain lady.)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Mommies, have you watched the Pampers appreciation video ad for the Japanese mothers?

Well, happy first birthday to Baby K, which means I am already a Mom for a year...

We went to visit my parents-in-law. They helped to take care Baby K for about 5 months before I moved back to Klang Valley. And as expected, my MIL got emotional that I feel guilty she doesn't feel the same way towards her granddaughter who's only 4 months younger than Baby K (and my SIL was there at that time!)

I am not like my MIL, she's comfortable in showing and telling how she feels. Me? I only tell you guys lah in my blog, haha. Or I'd tell my husband. Or my really close friends, in a joking manner, after it had long past by...

So yeah, MIL was like, "Ma nangis hari hari...Hari hari tengok gambar Baby K...Ma cuci gambar dia banyak banyak. Setiap kali lepas sembahyang, Ma mesti tengok gambar dia. Ma asyik teringatkan dia...Ma tengok TV9 pukul 12.30 ada budak macam Baby K...Kenapa balik 4 hari saja?"

Then, Baby K refused her. Gaaahhh...! (Actually, Baby K also refuses me if he's happy with his Daddy, but it's an unacceptable explanation to my MIL)

I've seen my MIL cried a number times before this (she even cried when my husband told her not to feed Baby K with too much milk). In contrary to my own Mother, who, for the record, had only cried 3 times in my presence in my entire life...
1) When I was 9 and I had been really naughty (or maybe she was extra stressed?)
2) When I was 14 and she and Father had a huge fight for something so silly (we got lost in the car in Penang and all hotels were fully booked!)
3) The day Father passed away.

I am so inexperienced in dealing with an emotional elderly, I don't know how to react to it...

Actually, I too cry a lot, in front of my husband or privately. Haha. But I have an ego lah okay...Which type are you?

Time really flies...Baby K is walking more than crawling. Demanding...Wants me all the time, except when Daddy is around. Sleeps better nowadays, thank God, but still addicted to my boobs. I keep telling him boobies are for nighttime only, malu lah, dahlah baby I tu size tak macam 1 year old, it's difficult to hide him under my tudung. Dah setahun dah I defaulted from wearing normal clothes, always buttoned for the sake of my little one...

I haven't gotten him a proper birthday present. He's fascinated by sticks of any kind. Ruler sticks, brooms, kayu penyodok, mop, tongkat, tu semua memang pantang nampak. Sekali pegang, tak mau lepas. So I nak beli apa?

We've booked a trip to Japan in January. I was reluctant to bring Baby K (selamba betul, haha) but my husband insists. So, Baby K, you better behave yourself or you don't follow!
Which means, no overseas trip for us this year...Awww...I really want to make it a tradition of a yearly overseas trip, but tak cukup fund lah...Singapore, Thailand and Indonesia don't count okay! I really want to go to Italy, tapi tak kan lah two months after nak pergi Japan pulak kan? Lagipun, annual leave tak cukup lah. Plus, my husband and I are bounded to very specific available dates. Sigh...That's why it's more fun to be rich enough, you don't have to work/ take time-off when you want to!

I am committing myself to furthering my education, which never ends btw, so I can get better pay in the future, but by that time, mesti I dah tua sakit kaki, or, I kena fikir siapa nak hantar anak sekolah...I can never win, y'know...

Okay, now I am rambling...While recovering from diarrhoea actually, and now you know what's still keeping me awake at this hour. I should be studying instead!

To my dearest son, Happy Birthday. I hope we can give you more siblings! Haha!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

I wanted to scold, but I didn't know how to scold without yelling.

I haven't been really angry in a looonngg time. I managed to get myself together ever since I found out I was pregnant. I controlled myself just so my son would grow in a healthy environment.

And usually, I get mad at work, not at home.

Just now was probably the first time Mother saw me got really angry in my adulthood. I guess I was really scary that Mother chose to stay out of it.

I was yelling to my maid, then to my maid and her daughter. My maid's daughter, who is also a maid, ran away from her employer and suddenly appeared in front of my house tonight.

This problem is way petty compared to the problems they are facing in Gaza. I am considered lucky. But still, I can't sleep. I thought I can have my weekends for rest, but now, this!

Anyway, while trying to think of a solution to my problem, I thought of what other people would do if they were in my place.

I quickly thought of Father.

Then, it occurred to me, he would have been super angry too. And I realized how I can be so like him sometimes; serious, stern, ill-tempered, scary, tough, fierce, straight-to-the-point.

I don't talk to my maid unless I need to, hence I don't listen to her story. I know I will pity easily, so that's why I am determined to make her job as professional as possible. I don't care about your sad life, as long as you do your job, you will get paid. I am not your counsellor, not even your friend, I am your boss.


I am my father's daughter afterall. And probably the one who inherits the bad/ good of his character (as mentioned before)  the most. Al-Fatihah.