Thursday, July 26, 2007

Berlagakkah saya?

In university, a senior told me this, "When you do your practical in Malaysia, you have to be extra extra extra friendly and humble, just because you study abroad".

We, students who study/ studied abroad, especially for undergraduate programmes, especially if we study/ studied in the Western countries, are constantly watched. For the slightest mistakes, we hear hurtful statements like, "Berlagak belajar overseas!"

Most graduates from local universities often feel threatened by us. They think we think we are superior than them, believe me, most of us, do not!

We are under pressure all the time.

People expect us to be fluent in English when we return. The truth is, I know a few who still suck at the language (eg: me!).

An innocent statement like, "Panasnya!" make the local students glared at us.

Or, "Dulu belajar dekat mana?" "Ala...Tak belajar oversease macam you..." (Tak berniat nak berlagak pon soalan tu sebenarnya.)

One time, someone got a scolding, "Awak ingat awak belajar overseas tu bagus sangat? Ingat, mak bapak kami semua yang tanggung perbelanjaan awak belajar dekat sana!"

Harsh, I know.

Maybe that someone made a mistake too, maybe.

From my observation, Malaysian students/ workers feel like they need to justify themselves most of the time in the presence of 'overseas' students.

"Kau orang dekat sana tak dapat buat macam ni kan?"

"Final year baru kau orang dapat buat kan? Kami dah buat sejak kami second year!"

It is hurtful to read a blog which expressed the blogger unsatisfaction and many replied to her blog, making statements like, "Budak overseas memang berlagak pon, susah nak jumpa yang elok..."


My Malaysian friends from university are all kind, how could you say nice overseas students is a rare breed?

Don't you know there are some of us who come from poor families, and living abroad is/ was really difficult? We work/ed to get extra income.
We are/ were the international students who have to compete with other students ALL OVER THE WORLD just to be accepted in the universities.

Do you think it is all leisure?

Oh, and for your information, I have a friend who works as a lecturer and he is biased towards Malay students, especially those who come from the same state as he is!

Tak senonoh.

Why can't we be treated the same?

Why are these people become so sensitive when dealing with the 'overseas' students?

We actually look up to the local students sometimes, because they have many opportunities they do not realize.

For example, the local students graduate sooner than us.

Then, why are you so jealous of us?

Is it simply because some of us speak with an accent?

Okay, that's probably a little bit annoying but there are local students who speak with an accent too!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

My ex-boyfriend, left me for someone better, and is now married to her.

My boyfriend always remind me that: You are a good person. God will pair you up with a good person too. Tuhan dah cakap kan...

My ex-boyfriend told me he never touched his then girlfriend because his girlfriend doesn't allow him. I conclude, she must be a really, really good person.

Now that she is married to my ex-boyfriend, doesn't that make him a good person too?

(God pairs a good person with another good person.)

So, if he is a good person, but he doesn't end up with me, I wonder, what the hell is wrong with me, I must be not good afterall!

Thinking about my ex-boyfriend is depressing. Our relationship ended in a horrible way, but we stayed friends until the day his wedding invitation arrived.

Even though I hate him, I also despise him for not choosing me over his new woman. It is the ego in me, I guess.

After much thinking, I decide that I should not be hating my ex-boyfriend. Whatever happened, is really not his fault, isn't it? Because she is his jodoh, and jodoh is fixed by God. Why should I blame him for causing this heartache, when God has planned everything for us?

But, is it fair? Is it fair to play with people's hearts, and when things don't work out, all you say is, "Tak ade jodoh..." Are you not guilty?

And why am I not good?

Monday, July 23, 2007

Teman tapi mesra

I attended a wedding ceremony with a friend.

He is my good friend, and we have known each others for more than five years. I still remember the first time we talked, and we clicked instantly. We even went for vacations together. Many people have mistaken us dating, but we are just close, very close, not more than that. I could tell him almost about anything, and he would be the first one to know most of the time, until I found my boyfriend.

Everywhere we go, people would associate him with me. I know his friends, and he knows my friends. Those whom I haven't met, would greet me by, "I always see you in his pictures," or, "So, this is you...I finally meet you, he talks a lot about you".

Even his parents thought we are dating and keep asking about me.

Anyway, sitting besides him, as comfortable as always, we watched the glorious bride and groom. He said,

"When is our turn?"

"Huh?" I responded. "Oh, you mean getting married? I am just a step away! I already have a boyfriend," I tried to hide the awkward way the sentence was constructed.

"You la! Two steps away...Because, you must find a girlfriend first," I continued.

My boyfriend, until today, still is convinced that my friend has a crush on me, but he does not feel threatened at all because my boyfriend trusts me.

Friday, July 20, 2007


My mother said, "Why don't you date doctors?"

"Which doctor?" I asked.

"Your friends, Doctor 1, Doctor 2 or Doctor 3"

The four of us used to be close, but I guess, we drifted apart. We are busy with our works, we don't see each other often anymore.

Besides, two of them are not in talking terms, so that's sad. It is another reason why we are no longer close.

My answer to my mother was:

Doctor 1 is only a friend. He is too sensitive, emo sometimes, not my type.

Doctor 2 is younger than I am, he is like a brother to me, I know him too long to get romantic suddenly. Euw!

Doctor 3 has a girlfriend. And he drinks. And he does drugs. No way!

My parents, although wise in some things, still naive in others: Eh, doktor pon hisap dadah ke?

"Mak ingat doktor-doktor ni baik sangat? Ala...Diorang stress kot..."

"Habis tuh, kerja macam mana?" my mother asked.

"Mana la orang tau...Pandai lah die..."

My questions:

1- Why do parents like doctors? I do not like doctors except for that astronout doctor. I like architects! And pilots! And my boyfriend...Haha!

2- Why does mother not forbid me from meeting Doctor 3 even after I told her that he is on drugs, but she accused my boyfriend for dealing drugs instead? Just simply he is a doctor and my boyfriend is not? Prejudice!

3- When are my parents going to accept the fact that I am going steady with my boyfriend, my relationship with him is serious, and I am not going to date anybody else because I am happy with what I have? So, please stop suggesting because I have found him.

P/S: I am not a doctor.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Kulit khinzir

My boyfriend and I went to the Versace boutique.

He was eyeing on a pair of Versace shoes in the glass shelf and wanted to try them on.

"Berapa harga ni?" my boyfriend always speak in Malay when shopping in Malaysia. He likes it when Malaysian sale assistants speak in Malay ni matter how posh the shop is.


"Ohh...Boleh try?"

"Ini kulit babi."

"Ohh...Yeke..." my boyfriend continued to view the shoes. "Ade orang Melayu beli?" my boyfriend asked.

"Ade yang tak kesah...Kite pon serba salah nak jual....Mase minta tunjuk, kita cakap ini kulit babi, tapi diorang tak kesah...."

"Hish, Melayu ni...Sanggup eh diorang nak pakai style punye pasal..." my boyfriend commented.

I like to think positive, so I defended them, "Diorang pakai stokin kot..."

The sale assistant then said, "Pakai stokin pon...Tapi...Masih babi kan..."

My boyfriend agreed with her, "Ha ah...Kan ade kulit lain, nak jugak pakai babi!"

I have friends who wear shoes made of pig skin leather. She is very careful not to wet it and wear socks with the shoes everytime.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Mean mother

It is confirmed. The main reason mother does not like my boyfriend is because his house is so far from mine and the prejudice towards certain people from certain states in this country.

My outings with my boyfriend have never been peaceful.

My parents would pester me to come home quick.

Sometimes I wish I don't even live here.

My mother even sent an SMS: Kenapa suke keluar dengan dia? Dapat berlian emas ke kalau tengok muka dia tu? Menyampah!

I could not hide the humiliating SMS from my boyfriend because I was driving.

He was hurt, I know, but he did not say anything, because the sender was my mother, the person he shall respect, always.

We will make this work.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


This is the topic I came across with my boyfriend the other day.

He talked about his rich friends who have scandals with Malaysian celebrities.

"Why do they after celebrities? They are other people in this world who are pretty and better than the celebrities. The celebrities are not even THAT pretty!" I argued.

"Because they are pretty on television, well-groomed...They are the ones who are sexy and stylish," my boyfriend answered.

"Okay, fine. I don't care about those businessmen, because sometimes they don't care, they don't have the values, but what about those politicians? They are public figures, shouldn't they choose someone decent? Doesn't that reflect who they really are? I mean, they are supposed to be smart but why do they choose these women? You know what, I always think, if these people can't get decent, normal people to fall in love with them, there must be something wrong with them!"

"Well...You know what? They are probably smart in what they are doing, politics or business, but when it comes to women, they are not. Just look at the youngest Datuk in Malaysia, sure, he is smart in running his business, but he was caught in bed with that woman. A Datuk doesn't get caught of khalwat! That shows how stupid he was because he doesn't know how to cover up his act by using his power thus they got caught!"

"How did they get caught?"

"I think somebody called JAIS. And that's why that woman was divorced by her then husband!"

"Why is he with that woman anyway? She had a husband!"

"Thus, twice the stupidity. Dah lah kena tangkap khalwat, dapat janda pulak tuh!" my boyfriend made fun of him.

"But...Wasn't she just got married? It was not even a year, right? Why did she go with that other man? Didn't she love her then husband?"

"She loves the money...Look at EF, she even dumped that good-looking HI for the rich TE..."

"But TE is good-looking as well!"

Silence. Then, I continued saying, "Jodoh kot..."

My boyfriend agreed.

"Mati dan jodoh ketetapan Tuhan kan? Tak boleh tukar-tukan kan?"

My boyfriend nodded.

"Then, those people yang kahwin cerai kahwin cerai tuh, dia tu banyak jodoh lah ye?"

"Memang betul pon".

"I once read, those people who are still not married, their jodohs are probably already dead...Anyway, so, those people yang kahwin cerai kahwin cerai, you cannot blame them la for not behaving ke, or tak pandai jaga suami is their jodohs afterall!"

"Iye lah kot...Agaknye..." my boyfriend was confused as well.

I sighed.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Nak kahwin lagi

From my last entry, you know father and mother suspected my boyfriend to be a drug dealer. Then, they suspected him to be a cook in his aunt's restaurant. Now, he is accused to be one pendakwah who travels from one country to another to spread Islam, tak kerja.

Shall I tell you guys why?

My boyfriend and I met not in Malaysia. My parents said, "What is he doing there? He doesn't cannot even find a job in Malaysia, that's why he was there."

I told him about his business but mother and father refused to believe, "It is not his own business! It must be his aunt's, and he is just a cook at his aunt's restaurant".

Then, I told my mother about his good family background which led to them thinking he must be some sort of ahli dakwah who doesn't work or something.

Anyway, an old flame pestered me, and my boyfriend found out. He was hurt, and he said things he never told me before:

"Do you love me? Kenapa tak jaga hati I? I told you not to give your new number to him, tapi you degil! You tengok I suke-suke depan you, tapi you tak tau macam mana hati I. And with your parents accusing me macam-macam...You ingat I tak sedih ke? Apa salah I? I terase hati tau...Tapi I nak buat macam mana...I kerja baik-baik, parents you tuduh I macam-macam. Rokok pun I tak sentuh! I tak pernah buat jahat...That's why I am with you. Tuhan dah kata, orang yang baik jumpa orang baik."

Sayu hati saya mendengarnya.

Father and mother probably think there is no man is good for their daughter. "What degree does he have?"

I am not that good, really.

He may not have a super duper degree, but he is good at what he is doing.

Haish, bile orang perempuan belajar tak pandai, cakap kite bodoh, bile dah belajar tinggi-tinggi, nak cari suami pun susah!

Thank you, boyfriend, for being patient with this whole scenario.

Kawan saya kata, "Jagalah hati mak bapak, nanti Allah jaga hati kite".

Thursday, July 5, 2007


Now, father accused me of loving my boyfriend just because he likes to shower with expensive gifts. First of all, he rarely gives me anything. Second of all, doesn't that show he has a stable job?

Father even suspected him to be a drug dealer because at that age, he doesn't believe my boyfriend could own a company.

Went out with boyfriend and friends.
Received a call from mother.
Went home.
Shouted by father, "Duduk rumah ini, kena ikut peraturan rumah ini!"
He shouted a few other words at me too, but I couldn't hear/ remember what he said as I walked into my room.
Locked myself in my room.
Mother unlocked my room.
Locked myself in the toilet for three hours.
Received and sent SMS to mother and father.

Father said sorry for losing his temper.
Mother asked me to come out.

I said, "There is nothing to say".

I said, "I haven't done anything wrong. I am not guilty. What do you want from me? I always fulfill your wishes. I am a good daughter. You want me to study, I always excel in my studies. I am not spending your money, I only ask when I most need it. I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't even smoke."

I said, "Saya hidup tak menyusahkan mak bapak. Why are you not thankful to have me? I am 20++ years old, I have been taking care of myself for three years living abroad, I travel outside the country by myself all the time, some of the people my age have their own children, why do you still treat me like a child?"

Mother said, "It is not that we don't allow you to go out, it is the people you are with."

I said, "I told you with whom I hang out with, you know them, you know them since I was small!"

Mother said, "It is not them, it is your boyfriend."


When I was little, whenever I had fights with my parents, I wished I was a cat. A cat is not controlled by their parents. I even thought of where would I sleep and where would I find food.

I wished how nice it would be if life was much simpler.

I never told my life behind my house door to anybody. You are the first one to know. (Other than my boyfriend).

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


Mother and father do not like my boyfriend.
I am sad, very sad. Right now, I so hate them. There is nothing wrong with my boyfriend!

Mother and father still likes my ex-boyfriend, who is now, a married man. Until now, they blame me for our failed relationship. I hate my ex-boyfriend, they do not know how bad he treated me! And how could my parents betray their own daughter by defending my ex-boyfriend?!


My boyfriend may not be as good looking as my ex-boyfriend, but he is kind. My boyfriend may not look financially stable, but that's because he is humble! Do my parents really want him to show all proves of properties he owns?!

My boyfriend may only drive the national car, but he far could afford a fancier car than that! Hey, Syed Mokhtar pun pakai Proton Perdana saje tau!

Why can't my parents take a chance on a businessman? Why must they think all businessmen will meet bankruptcy later in their life?

Itu semua businessmen yang kaki judi, kaki perempuan, kaki mabuk, kaki ganja, tak sembahyang!

I know my boyfriend, I know his friends, I know his relationship with his family, he is not any of that!

And I do not care if he meets some difficulties later in his life, that's why I am here for, to be his wife, susah dan senang bersama!

I will marry my boyfriend, no matter what.