Thursday, October 21, 2010

I love vacations.
Because I can dress up.
People give compliments on my look.
And take photos with me because I have style.


The nice people make me believe I still have it.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

in pursue of a purse

Yeay! On a happier note, I am no longer sad, because, well, I shall not dwell on the past. I've already accepted the fact that it's simply parts and parcels of life and I am currently in the phase of mending myself back to my usual.

So, I am wondering whether we have a River Island store in Malaysia.

I thought I've seen it once, probably about two to three years ago. I remember the items were sold expensively but I can't remember the location.

I thought it was in Pavilion but when I looked through the directory, the store was nowhere to be found. I know there's none in KLCC, so, I think lah, the store is somewhere in the building opposites of KLCC. I can't recall the name of the building! Grr, it makes me so angry, even my boyfriend can't help.

I've tried to Google it but to no avail.

I am in need for a new purse. My old purse is a favourite. Why? Because it's cheap, small, unique and so pretty (superb combination, I must say)! It's a kiddy purse and I bought it for about RM25, could you believe it? However, because it is cheap, I think, the material has kinda already fallen to places.

My next one has to be small, unique and pretty, too, but not necessarily cheap. My friends, the two guys that I keep mentioning, especially the new one, keep pushing me to increase my shopping budget because he thinks I am being too cheap. Haha. I am not stingy, I am simply careful with my expenditure.

He is always like, "Ectopy, buy it! If you like it, just buy it. Don't think. You will never buy anything if you think. Ectopy, buy! Buy! I am buying more than you!"
Why can't he just offer, "If you don't buy, I'll buy it for you!" Haha, dream on...

My purse has to be small so that it can easily fit into my pocket. Sometimes, I don't like to carry my handbag just for a movie or dinner. Just my purse and mobile phone. Do you know how much stuffs they are in my handbag? It's so heavy, I tend to chuck everything in it hence the avoidance of carrying my heavy handbag every time I get the chance. So, that's why my purse has to be small and presentable.

A purse is a good investment, no?

Actually, they are not too expensive lah, probably a little over a hundred bucks, but I like it just because it is small, pretty and I know the brand is not very well recognized in Malaysia. I don't like seeing people having the same stuffs as mine. That's why I don't go ga-ga over Guess, MNG, LV and Gucci. Too many imitations and too popular that everybody wants them. (No offense, but that's just how I am)

Kalau ikutkan hati, I nak beli online je, but River Island don't ship to Malaysia! :(

Which one of the above shall I buy? Personally, I like the first one better but it's not so convenient as it can be easily stained. The second one is nice too, it is bright, happy and daring.

But first, I need to find the River Island store in Malaysia! Gah.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Thank you for thinking my posts have calming effect at least to one of my readers.

But you are not alone, because writing in this blog brings some sort of calmness to myself too. Like today, I stay up late, just so I could write my soul down.

Sunday was yesterday's news and I am so glad that the week is over. I had such a bad week, very bad week that my eyes are all puffy. I've never cried so much since...two years ago? Everyone seemed to notice too:

- Are you okay? You look tired.
I smiled, I lied, I said, "Yes, I am a bit tired."

- You cried?
I smiled, I lied, I said, "No, I took a nap just now."
She asked, "You sure? Because your eyes are red."
I smiled, I lied, I said, "Yes, I just woke up from my sleep."

- You look terrible. You should go home and have some rest.
I smiled, I lied, I said, "I am okay."

- Ectopy, how are you?
I smiled, I lied, I said, "I am fine."

I used to think I was really, really good in hiding my emotions. Guess I have lost the talent. I don't know what happened to me. I used to possess this great confidence, that I actually believed nothing could break me, no matter what.

When I was young, things are much simpler. I believed that all I needed to do is to smile and I will be alright. I still smile now, but I carry a lot of stories behind my smiles that people actually can detect if I am not being myself.

Outside this cyber world, I am this funny, cheerful, carefree person and I maintain good relationships with a lot of people. I don't judge people too quickly. I don't really mind if many people hate the same person, as long as he/ she has never done a foul onto me, I am okay and I treat them the same.

Because of this, a lot of people don't know that I can be depressed too. And I don't like to be depressed.

I had a morning walk just today. It was impromptu, my heart told me me too. Just walk. Be outside, not home, not in the car, not at work, not online, but outside.

I walked for a good 20 minute, which reminded me of college. I used to walk so much back then. Alone. But college was different, it was safer and it was normal because so many people walked.

Anyway, I have good friends, even though I don't tell absolutely anyone about what really happened. One of them actually left me a note and some food while I was gone. I don't know if he knew I wouldn't have the appetite to eat.
That was nice. It made me smile a little bit longer.

Nowadays, I get to know myself better, I find that I don't eat when I am sad. I just don't have the appetite. Actually, I don't have any mechanisms whatsoever to overcome my sadness. I was never the impulsive shopper or binge eater. When I am sad, I avoid to cry but always surrender to crying in reality.

I called my boyfriend. He doesn't know what's going on (I told you that I don't tell anyone at all about my current problem) but the great thing about him is he did not push me into telling him.

Him: Sayang selsema ke?
Me: Kenapa? Suara I lain ke? (Force laughs) You tengah buat apa?
Him: (5 minutes of meaningless conversation). Okaylah, abang kena kerja.
Me: Abang...
Him: Ya, sayang?

I was so sad that I had tears in my eyes.

Me: You tak ada cerita ke? (I like stories)
Him: Pagi lagilah...Mana ada cerita sekarang. Petang nanti baru ada cerita...
Me: Tell me something funny.
Him: Hm...Semalam Abang mandikan Snow White (the cat). Abang pakai shampoo Abang. Lepas tu, Abang letak dalam sangkar, pasang kipas bagi kering.
(More happy conversation)

I finally let him go after I was satisfied.

That afternoon, I called him again. This time, I admitted that I was sad. He said that I should be patient and stay sincere. He said everybody has his/ her own obstacles and he knows that I am smart and strong enough to solve my problems.

Abang: Sayang jangan sedih-sedih. Nanti Abang sembahyang hajat untuk Sayang okay?

I don't care whether he executes what he said or not. But I like the way he reminds me to be the best person I can/ should be, always. Stay grounded and ingat Tuhan selalu.

Sometimes, at times like this, I wonder why I chose this path.

So, I look at happy/ beautiful pictures to cheer me up!

Oh, I just received a text from my boyfriend:
I tak nak tengok you sedih lagi. I nak tengok you sentiasa gembira and abang tak suka orang yang menyakiti hati you.

Thank you. :)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

These past few weeks have been crazy for me. Work pace is increasingly quicker and I am filling my time with so many activities, home has become a place for me to sleep and have showers.

As usual, my post will be about random things I have encountered and manage to remember and translate them into writings.

1) To achieve civilization, think civilized.

I was busy over the weekend, so tired but needed to come to work. I met a client who asked a lot of questions. I politely answer them, standing by the rules: Kerja kena ikhlas. Besides, my clients don't deserve my bad mood just because I had a long, tiring day.
Then, she told me about her financial problems, she said, "Suami ada masalah kewangan sikit. Hari tu, anak sakit masuk hospital, kena bayar RM200..."

RM200 sounds little to me. In fact, I just spent RM180 on a water activity on the very same day. And there I was, meeting someone who had a difficult time to even pay for her daughter medical bills.

I should do more to contribute, kan?

This reminds me of the time when I had a Mat Salleh friend. At that time, the tax salary was hiking up due to the recession. 45%-60% would be deducted from their salaries (according to professions) to cover for the country losses.

While, us, Malaysians, would have completely flipped over this matter (if it ever happened to Malaysia), my Mat Salleh friend actually was supporting his government move. According to him, the more tax deduction, the better, because he wants his countrymen to share his wealth and he understands that the tax will be used to improvise the country as a whole.

My boyfriend argues that some advanced/ Western countries can afford to become welfare countries because they are rich.

But my boyfriend and I both agree that in order to achieve a great country status, the citizens need a paradigm shift. We have to think like civilized people think.

Bukannya berfikir, "Perdana Menteri ni jahat nak makan duit rakyat."

Sebenarnya, kita sendiri yang kedekut.

If we really think far, we can actually use the money to help poor people, the people can have free education or health service or free water, don't we all want that?

And we also whine that the petrol price is expensive, why can't the government subsidize just everything, sugar, rice, petrol, cars, everything lah! 'Kerajaan ni tak pandai jaga rakyat lah...'

I think, at the moment, we are quite okay because we only have to pay RM1 per visit to see the government doctors. It is very cheap to pay RM3 per night at the hospital, meals included!

We are being discharged with MCs and free medications! And how many of us actually use this privilege to get free medications for the rest of the families (even extended ones and neighbours) even though we could afford to pay for them.

I've seen it too many times. We like free stuff, who doesn't? But when it comes to giving back, we are quite a stingy society.

Tolong jangan kolot.


Sorry for being emo up there.

I couldn't wait for the vacation I desperately need, a break from the hectic work life.

My friend, Jack, is quite weird. He's single and going out with Flora and Gina.

When I asked, which girl he likes, he said he likes Gina better.

Obvious choice, Gina is prettier.

Me: Are you bringing anybody to our vacation?
Jack: I am thinking of bringing Flora.
Me: But I thought you like Gina better.
Jack: So? Flora is a friend. Is it wrong to bring a friend to a vacation?

Men are weird. They keep sending us mixed/ wrong signals. And when we misinterpret, kita juga yang malu.



My boyfriend is getting more and more jealous as the days go by.

Since my good friend Farid came back to Malaysia, we have been really clingy. Well, not so, I am just exaggerating.
I meant, we spend a lot of time together because that's what good friends do!

I used to think my boyfriend is more jealous of Rahim. Rahim is a new friend but we are like best friends now, so that makes my boyfriend suspicious. That's understandable, but to be jealous with Farid, that's hilarious!

Now, I can proudly say I have three men in my life, my boyfriend, Farid and Rahim.
Please note that these 3 men are the people who know me THE MOST. I don't know la, somehow I open up easier with them than with girls.
I love my boyfriend the most, of course.

And I am so happy that when I introduce Farid to Rahim, they click really well!

The other day, the plan was to go shopping with Farid. So, I picked him up and decided to beraya at Rahim's house. Rahim wanted to join so he followed.

Me: Abang, I tengah shopping dengan Farid and Rahim.
Bf: You ni...Kalau kawan-kawan I tahu girlfriend I keluar dengan lelaki lain...
Me: Ala, you tau tak, I rasa macam Farid dengan Rahim tu pulak couple. I dekat women's section ni, dioang entah mana tah, tinggalkan I!


The other day pulak, Farid asked me out twice but I rejected him both times. At around 6pm, on the same day, he called again and insisted to meet, so I finally said Yes. He must have been really bored to invite me for a dinner after two rejections.

Text received: Abang nak main bola ni...
Text sent: I nak keluar ni...

Call received:
Bf: You nak keluar pergi mana ni?
Me: Keluar makan dengan Farid.
Bf: Tak bagitau I awal-awal pun...
Me: Dia baru je call ajak keluar. Lepas tu dia kata nak datang in 15 minutes.

Call ended.

Text sent:
Boleh tak I keluar ni? It's nothing lah, kan Farid tu kawan je...

Another text sent:

"You kena faham. Farid, even Rahim, are like brothers to me. You tau kan I memang tak berapa rapat dengan family. I tinggal jauh sejak kecil. So, I make my friends my family. They know me so well for so long. I sayang diorang, but I love you more because I am going to marry you. I may look like sometimes I don't care about you, but I do. I don't know how to convince you that I love you."

And that's exactly how I feel.