Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Written on 24 June 2011.

They say, the first couple fight, is the worst among all.

Right this moment, I am on a strike with my husband.
Benci betul.

So, as to remind how much a wonderful man he is, I reminiscence his wise words.

My neighbour is currently renovating his house. His house is brand new and very beautiful. At first, I thought he only wanted to tweak a bit here and there for the house. I was wrong. Tengok-tengok, it is a major revamp, which is still undergoing.

Me: Abang, rumah dia dah cantik dah. Tapi apa lagi dia nak renovate?

Husband: Itulah pasal...Dia tak puas hati lagi lah kot...You tau tak apa orang cakap kalau kita selalu tak puas hati?

Me: Apa dia?

Husband: Duit yang kita guna tu tak berkat...

He elaborated that a berkat rezeki should always makes us feel contented.

"Kalau duit tu tak berkat, kalau orang tu kaya pun, orang tu jadi suka membazir sebab selalu tak puas hati. Last-last, sebab dah banyak membazir, orang tu punya duit sama juga," he said.

He furthermore gave an example, "You tengok pelacur. Memang banyak duit. Satu malam dapat berapa? Tapi diorang tak kaya pun..."

So, think twice before you say, "I am not satisfied!"

"Yang, kita kahwin juga akhirnya. Kita ni banyak betul dugaan. Kita kena kahwin betul-betul yang, sampai mati I sayang. Sebab susah sangat nak dapat awak."


Dah, jangan nak perasan suami kau seorang bagus sayang isteri. Memanglah suami sayang isteri! (Padahal sekarang tengah cold war)

Have you read July issue of the Reader's Digest?

On page 8, there's a letter from a reader telling her story being left by her husband only after two years of marriage.

God forbid that ever happens to me.

I can imagine the woman's joy when she got married. After two years, they are all just sad memories.

If I were in her shoes, I don't know, I'd probably kill my husband. I'd hate him forever. I'd stop blogging. I'd run away and live in another country. I don't know.

On my wedding day, a close friend gave a nice gift together with a card. In it, written something "Bla, bla, bla. You're and inspiration to me that despite all the hardship, TRUE LOVE will prevail!"

Alamak, pressure lah pulak!

My husband left me for work. I was trying to be tough but he saw the sadness.

I knew he felt guilty for not being able to spend more time with me.

He hugged me and said, "Abang pergi bukan tinggalkan you. Abang pergi sebab nak kerja, nak cari rezeki, nak jaga awak baik-baik. Nanti kita dah kaya, Abang bagi semua yang you nak, okay?"

Ish. Sebak lah time tu.

I know he's so hardworking and trying his best to make me happy. But I keep on demanding for more.

Okay, better apologize to him now.

Monday, June 27, 2011

My friend who is currently abroad, gave me a 'holla' just now, to say sorry for missing the wedding.

The usual question would be, "How's life after marriage?"

Honestly and truthfully, I said, "I don't feel much different."

Seriously. I don't feel different. I am not happier or sadder than before. I am pretty much the same person doing the same routine. You know, the usual.

Is there something wrong with me? Is this unnatural and abnormal for a newly-wed?

The only difference, which I also told to Brad P, is, "Sekarang dia makan, dia minta I ambil. Dulu sebelum kahwin, pandai ambil sendiri. Sekarang, tiba-tiba tak pandai dah..." They responded by laughing and giving the exact same reply, "Dia saja nak manja-manja tu."

"Ectopy, you ni kan, sempoi gila!" my friend said.

I was very laid back about my wedding, that my colleague told me two weeks before the event, "Ectopy, you are the coolest bride I have ever seen."
This is after she asked me whether I was nervous or excited about the wedding. I said, "Nope. I am okay. Not nervous and not very excited. I am just worried if there will be people attending my wedding."

Orang lain tak macam ni ke weih!

I am so sempoi, I have yet to pester my photographers for pictures. Tak excited pun nak tengok gambar.
Sebenarnya, more to fear of muka tak lawa masa wedding tu. Tu pasal tak excited.

(Prays to God for pretty photos)

Friday, June 24, 2011

I received two surprises post wedding.

During the short merenjis ceremony, there was this stranger woman who blessed us. My husband introduced her as "Kakak I".

After she was out of audible range, right there and then jugak, atas pelamin, while maintaining my smile, I asked him, "Sejak bila you ada kakak ni!"


I kan memang jenis otak geliga, I can't settle until I get what I want, "Siapa tu? Cepat bagitahu!"
"Tunggu lepas ni lah I cerita. Orang tengah merenjis ni. Senyum!"

That night, I asked him again. He told me she was his kakak angkat. Kakak angkat?!

Mesti tipu lagi. I dah cakap dah I am not stupid.

Nak jadi isteri mithali punya pasal, I waited until the next day.

This time, we were in the car on the way to a friend's party.

I was membebel about something else which led to this whole kakak angkat thing.

Husband: Itu pun you nak jealous ke? Dia kakak I, dia dah kahwin dah pun, dah ada anak.

Me: You ingat I jealous ke dengan perempuan tua tu? Please lah. I bukan bodoh lah nak jealous-jealous dengan orang tak lawa. Kalau you nak scandal dengan dia pun, tak kuasa I nak jealous.

Husband: Habis tu, apa masalah you?

Me: Masalah I is you rahsiakan benda ni dari I! Kenapa? Kalau tak salah, tak payah berahsia, kan? I tak jealous, tapi I dah ada syak wasangka. I tak nak ada rasa syak wasangka pada suami I sendiri!

Husband: You nak tau perkara sebenar?

Me: You dah kahwin ke sebelum ni?

Husband: Dia memang kakak I!

Me: Macam mana? Bapa you ada dua isteri? I dah agak dah family you ni!

Husband: Bukan. I ni anak angkat. Mak betul I serahkan I pada Ma. Ma tak ada anak, jadi masa Mak betul I mengandungkan I, dia janji akan bagi I pada Ma. Ma yang bela I sejak dari kecik, tapi I bukan anak dia. Kakak I tu, memang kakak kandung I.

Me: Kenapa you tak beritahu I sebelum ni?

Husband: I nak bagitahu lepas kahwin.

Me: Kenapa!

Husband: Sebab I malu!

Me: Apasal nak malu pula? Auntie I pun dibela saudara juga!

Husband: Family you memang asal orang kaya. I ni orang susah. Mak kandung I tinggal kampung. Kerja dia sembahyang je. Kakak I tu kerja dia bela ayam. Kalau I ni tak diserahkan pada Ma dulu, I takkan ada peluang sambung belajar. I tak tahu apa jadi dengan I sekarang.

Me: Habis, kenapa you tak jemput parents betul you datang?

Husband: Ayah kandung I dah meninggal sebelum I kenal you lagi. Mak kandung I tu dah tua, tak boleh jalan jauh. Nanti I kenalkan you dengan diorang.


So, after this, I have to go to his hometown and start to get to know his actual family members.

And I thought I married a straightforward no hassle guy.

"Lepas ni, no more secrets. I am educated, I am a straight-As student, I am not stupid. I tak nak jadi isteri-isteri yang tak tahu apa-apa pasal suami dia. I nak being able to explain what my husband does. You kena beritahu semua pada I sebab I sekarang isteri you!"

"Okay," my husband took a deep breath. "Sebenarnya, kitorang rugi RM500k hari tu. Kerja-kerja I selama ni, separuh kena bagi dekat kawan I sebab I kena tolong dia juga, sebab tu sekarang ni I tak ada duit."


My husband, and some of my friends, always think my family is rich.

Okay, I have been dying to explain this to people (but I can't, because it's weird lah nak explain pasal family wealth tiba-tiba je) so I'll just say it here.

I am not rich. My parents were not rich. We started our life very modest. We climbed our way up because Father was a stingy man. Eh, no, the better words to use to describe him are he was always careful with money.

Father passed away after he came back from Hajj. Coincidentally, he already prepared his will before taking off. His properties, were divided equally among us, the children. He even left a fortune (I never knew he had) in the form of saham, for his grandchildren and future grandchildren- in case they don't get the privilege to further their studies with scholarships.

Father was very particular with his money, that it may only be used for beneficial purposes. He always dreamt big for us, so, most of the money spent was mostly to get the best education.

(Sidetrack a bit: I pun sebenarnya takut dapat anak kurang bijak.)

Even if my parents were rich, we, the children, rarely get to taste the luxury of it.

We were not aware of it and we were not raised as rich children.

Take me, for example.

As I was growing up, my pocket money is cukup-cukup je. Starting off with 30 cents in primary school, slowly becoming RM2 in secondary school.

My teenage escapades to the shopping malls, depended on the mercy of Mother to give me extra money to spend. Most of the time, I spent my duit raya/ scholarship money.

All of my siblings (except one) had full scholarships.

I used to wear second-hand clothes all the time. Mother shopped in Tesco for my raya clothes. Mother hand-sew my school uniforms until I was 11, then her eye-sight deteriorated.
One time, I kept recycling my clothes, my friend asked me to stop because my pants were too tight for me.

Whenever I am out with my friends, I limited myself for RM40 for shoes and tops. This habit stayed on until two years ago, I required supports from Brad P and my husband, that I could actually spend more without feeling guilty.

See? I had a tough childhood even though deep down, I knew my parents could afford way more than that. But somehow, none of my siblings have ever asked for more. We were actually comfortable with what we had.

My sister is so rich (relatively, from the multiple scholarships she earned) but she still lives in her rented house without a proper bed (only a mattress), no cupboard, and she still reads using low lights (because we should not waste the electricity). Her salary is almost equal to mine, and she only started to work for less than a year ago. But with her qualification and academic excellence, I tak jealous sangat pun. Memang patutlah. In fact, I am proud of her.

Even though I may not look the part as if I come from a wealthy family, people tend to presume my family financial status whenever they come over to my house.

Before my wedding, I jokingly asked my colleagues to buy me nice gifts. One of them said, "Eh, what do you want? No need lah. You already have everything!"

Recently, a colleague who did not attend the wedding reception, looked through my picture album and said, "Is this your house? Is this your house?"

Eh, tak percaya pulak?

How do one respond to that kind of question! I pretended like I didn't hear her question to brush it off. -_-

My friends from school pulak, lain cerita. They are the children who memang come from wealthy families. Mega super rich families, the kind who get scoldings if they ever try to ride a cab or the LRTs without supervision.

Them: Ectopy, I really like your dress! You design ke? You tempah dekat mana? Mahal tak?
Me: Ni baju sewa je lah...
Them: Really? Then, how come it fits you so well!
Me: They took my measurements and alter it for me.
Them: Oh. They can do that?

That night, before going to bed, my husband snickered for the fact that my friends didn't even know about the existance of wedding dresses for rent.

"Abang ni, tak baiklah. Diorang baik tau..." I defended my friends.

But my friends are really nice, humble people. Sometimes, they are just oblivious without realizing it. And they love me anyway.

I always dreamt of a special wedding. Like, I dreamt that the very first time I get to go to Italy is for my honeymoon. I dreamt that the very first time I ever wear expensive, customized clothes is for my wedding. I dreamt that the very first time I ever go to manicure/ pedicure/ facial treatment is before my wedding.

I never get to do all that.

Sometimes, I got all bratty and told my then-boyfriend-now-husband, "I bukannya miskin sangat sampai baju kahwin pun sewa!" and pouted. "See, my friends tempah baju dekat so and so, pergi honeymoon at so and so, photographer dia so and so, buat wedding dekat so and so, hantaran dia so and so..."

It always broke his heart whenever I said that.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Budget contemporary wedding

- no engagement ceremony
- no honeymoon
- no malam berinai
- 2 photographers for RM3k, plus extra photographer for RM500
- no pre wedding photoshoot
- nikah and sanding on the same day
- no hiasan bilik
- small number of invites
- rented two baju for RM500
- no spa, no facial
- no expensive, sexy lingerie (requested a friend to buy as a wedding gift)

Total damage is about RM30k still!

I spent a little bit more hantaran (insisted by then-boyfriend-now-husband):
1) watch 5k
2) shoes 2.5k
3) jeans and shirt 2k
4) cake a gift from a relative
5) sirih junjung DIY
6) sejadah bought in Mekah
7) perfume RM300

However, we only ordered for 5 trays of hantaran and charged with RM550, with wooden trays included, not rented.


3 star hotel stay for his rombongan RM500
extra cake RM330 (did not expect a free one from the family)
kuih muih after nikah FOC by caterer
a pair of wedding shoes RM70 plus DIY
duvet cover for the bilik pengantin with new pillows (must ask Mother)
extra fruit cake, wajik, jeli kelapa, karipap (must ask Mother)
PA system and a non-talkative DJ (I like!) RM400
catering RM12 x 600 for 12 menus (including drinks) = RM7200
pecal RM100
tents RM350 x 5 with tables and chairs (we all hate the shade of colour used though, ugly!) = RM1750
pelamin, make-up x 2 (MAC and Estee Lauder), inai, baju and accessories RM5000-6000 (to be confirmed)
kompang RM250
upah tok kadi and saksi RM500
wedding favours (various types) RM1500
cards RM1 x 300 = RM300

My husband's side is more cost efficient because no pelamin and kampung style.

I paid for all, Alhamdulillah, except for the kompang team, sponsored by Brother Number 2.
I gave a lump sum to Mother so she can pay whatever things she choose.

That is my budget wedding and I am mostly satisfied. Ada juga yang tak puas, tapi kebanyakannya syukur.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Sometimes, I get readers complained that I have changed. Some said they no longer like what I write. I know that I am so bad in replying comments, I really want to, but time does not permit sometimes. Some other times, I do not know what to say back. I don't like being defensive because probably, all the comments that were directed to me are true.

I am aware that I don't have many readers. It's not what I intend to achieve. Probably that is why I don't mind if there are people who hate me. You stumbled upon this blog and you read about me, this is me, the person you don't know how she looks like, where she lives, what she works as, you don't know. What you know is only I have my ups and downs, I have my regrets, I make mistakes, I whine and can be grateful all at the same time.

I also realize, sometimes, that I have become angrier or more impatient or more competitive. I see all the others have that I want, that sometimes, I forget to appreciate what I already have. I always want the best.

Sometimes, I think, there is nothing wrong of wanting the best for myself. Oftentimes too, I think, there's nothing wrong of having less than the best, as long as they serve their purposes.

I admit that I might have changed. I grow.


Whenever my boyfriend came over to my house, he will hug and kiss whichever kid there is at that time. The typical question that he would ask any of them is, "Nak ice cream?"

So, naturally, like the Pavlov dogs, the sight of his figure will make them all excited because they know, my boyfriend means ice creams!

One day, the kids were causing me a headache, shouting and jumping around, so I scolded them, "Don't scream!"

They stopped screaming alright. But with big twinkling eyes, one of the kids asked me innocently, "Ice cream?"

"No! I said, Don't scream!"

"Yeay! Ice cream, ice cream!" she started screaming and soon, the screaming became infectious and all the kids shouted and demanded for ice creams!

My boyfriend created the monsters.


Last but not least, it's the wedding season. So many of my friends got married. And boy, they wore the prettiest gowns, prettiest make ups, prettiest shoes, prettiest receptions, prettiest pelamins, prettiest photos...

I feel so small. (Shy)