Thursday, April 30, 2015

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I met an asnaf.
He has two wives and 17 children.
I was so upset. Like, "Dahlah kau tu tak ada duit! Lepas tu kahwin dua, pastu anak ramai, pastu pandai pula kau minta zakat! Kalau dah tak mampu tu, buatlah cara tak mampu!"

I whined to my colleague. "Inilah lelaki!"
"Wait, wait...Bukan nak defend dia, tapi dia kaya masa dia kahwin dua tu."
"Oh, okay. Kalau macam tu, I tak sakit hati sangat. Hehehe..."

According to this man, I don't know how true it is, he used to own a chain of restaurants. Then, he fell ill and he was told that he only had a few months to live. So, he sold all his property, I assume, to pay all his debts, and now, he's left with nothing.

Ehem, kalau dah banyak hutang tu, tak kaya lah tu kan...Benci betul dengan orang yang mengaku kaya tapi sebenarnya banyak hutang ni.

"Habis tu, kenapa dia buat business balik? Dah 3 tahun, tak mati lagi," I asked my colleague.
"I asked him the same thing. Dia cakap, lepas ni dia nak buka restoran balik."

Ala, you guys pun tahu kan imagination I ni macam mana.
I started to think maybe he was not a good husband, lepas tu diuji Tuhan, lepas tu dia insaf.
Seriously, my mind can make drama...

Anyway, below is such a good article. I agree 100 percent! I highly encourage you guys to read it. :)
I am still emotionally unstable, but I am better now.
My son is asleep and I decided to browse the Internet like I used too. You know, wasting time...

Anyway...So, there's this guy who people might perceive him as an all-rounder. He has a good career, earn a good income, manages to do side business, looks like he has a decent family and he even has time to explore his artsy side.

I worked with him before he quit and pursued better things in life.

If you ever worked with him before...Phew...What a horrible character. He never did things directly to me (I joined shortly just before he resigned), but my staff hated him so much.

They were all invited to his farewell party.
I saw the invitation card. But none of them went.

"Kenapa korang tak pergi makan-makan?" I asked.
"Kitorang tak hingin...Lagi suka dia berhenti kerja. Cepat-cepatlah keluar dari sini!"
"Apa yang dia buat sampai korang tak suka sangat dekat dia?"

All of them sat around me and told me
- Dia pernah baling barang dekat kita, Miss...Barang tu dah lah kotor, melekit-lekit...
- Dia suka maki kitorang, Miss...Macam-macam dia kata...Tau lah dia tu boss, kitorang ni staff biasa je...Tapi kita ni manusia juga...
- Basically, they told me that he's such an egoistic, arrogant person.

I have a confession.
Whenever I see terrible attitudes, I always wonder how can that person be married. Like, how can someone fall in love with a person like that! And, I always imagined, the spouse must be equally bad...That's why they belong together. Or, I would sympathize the spouse because he/ she is so unfortunate to end up with someone like that. Hehehe...Me and my imagination!

The reason I am writing is...
I found his blog. If I was a stranger, I would totally envy his success.

But, I know his story and I wouldn't glorify someone with that kind of attitude, no matter how successful he is.

Which makes me feel a little bit better about myself.
I keep reminding myself that I shouldn't compare myself with other people. I don't know what's going on behind closed doors. Nobody is perfect. Being me is okay too, with flaws and all...I'm not as successful, but at least I have better relationship with my staff.

This is a dark secret.
It's bad...
For me to find faults in other people to make myself feel better.
I am no saint because I've got a hint of happiness when I find out someone is less than perfect.
Like, 'I win! You are no better than me...'
My heart is not pure for feeling like this.
Ustadz would say saya ni busuk hati sikit.
That's the truth, and that's how I am feeling right now, that's my Postsecret and I am not proud of it.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

My niece was using my laptop to watch cooking shows lah, Pocoyo lah, Upin dan Ipin lah, when suddenly she asked me, "Auntie Ectopy, semua orang tua akan mati ke?" and I said, "Yes." Then, she asked me, "Like Tok *****?"

Father. It's so nice that everybody in this family, adults and the kids, still remember Father. He had left us for about 4 years now...Which means, my two nieces were 3 years old when he passed away.

Even my son, who has never met Father, and who has not talked yet (oh, my!!!), would sometimes grunts at his pictures, which are hanging along the stairs. And I would say, "Yes...That's Tok *****."

Yesterday, we went to visit my aunt and uncle. My uncle commented that my son looks like his grandfather. I agree. My husband agrees. When my son was born, he didn't look so much like neither me nor my husband. When we studied his face, we came to a conclusion that he looks like Father. Even the way my son walks sometimes, resembles how Father walked.

I'm so bad. I rarely visit Father's grave. I hope by remembering him in my prayers would be enough. Sometimes, when I'm mad at my brothers, I remind myself that at least they go to Father's grave more often than I do.

People might think my eldest brother is such a lazy bum. I mean, he's smart, but he's so lazy...Tapi, dia yang paling rajin pergi kubur and he keeps Father's grave neat.

His kids are regulars too. Sometimes, when two of my nieces meet, their conversation goes like, "Dah lama tak pergi kubur Tok *****." The other would say, "Ha ah lah...Dah lama dah tak pergi. Papa! Kenapa kita dah lama tak pergi kubur Tok *****? Nanti kita cuti, kita pergi tau!"


I wrote a post about the miracle I experienced...

Here's another miracle story... :)

Friday, April 24, 2015

I want to do something that can cheer me up.

Tried to do online shopping. Too many choose from. I ended being too lazy to browse them all.
Tried to book for a holiday for the long weekend. But seems like many places are all booked.
Tried to read. But some of the short stories/ articles are so sad.
Maybe I should get a new phone since my current's screen is cracked, abused by Baby K. My phone is only one year old! Sheesh...
Or, get a new jewellery, but my husband just surprised me with a necklace two weeks ago.

I searched online on how to be happy. In one of the articles, it mentioned that money helps. But only temporary. So, yeah, whatever I wanted to try above, actually won't make me happy, but will definitely temporarily cheer me up. I'll do whatever I can lah, okay, temporary pun okay what...

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Work is not too busy currently. But, I am overwhelmed with personal issues and...Well, work.
As I wrote earlier, I had a bad 2 weeks, been dreaming about work, clients and other stuff I don't want to think about when I am sleeping ie: resting. I have headaches so often...

Anyway, last night, I dreamt I was back at the place where I completed my tertiary education. I was shopping, meeting my old friends and it was a great dream!

I went to work as usual. In between, I texted my husband about my dream. Then, I told him that we should go for a holiday. Or for a karaoke at least. I haven't screamed in a very long time. Maybe it would help. He didn't reply.

At about 4.30pm, I decided to perform Asar before heading home. I was all alone and suddenly, I cried. Just a little. I don't know lah. I thought about my past sins and everything.

After I finished my doa, I grabbed my phone. My husband had sent me a reply, telling me he's at the house waiting for me to come home. Surprise!

Alhamdulillah! My mood turned 360 degrees. I instantly became happy! Thank you, God, for still loving me, and thank you God, for this surprise gift.

It was indeed a miracle. Within 5 minutes, I was all smiles, recovering from my tears.

Allah is here, looking after me afterall...I feel so loved...

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Damn, sometimes I feel like I just want to quit this rat race. I just want to chill, and focus on something else, something new.

I talk to myself a lot, not out loud, but in my head. It makes my head hurt. Sometimes, all I want to do is to fall asleep so I can get some rest and think about other things, but I wake up tired because I've been dreaming the stuff I want to avoid in the first place!

So annoying.

I wish I can tell my husband more about what's going on in my mind/ life. I'm sure he will be wonderful about it, but I prefer to keep quiet. I have this fear that his replies won't satisfy me. Or, he won't understand and I'd end up explaining more to him about my situation than me expressing myself --> it'll defeat the purpose of telling him in the first place.

I just want a peaceful mind. Like, please, voices in head, just shut up and stop thinking too much.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

My friend, a teacher, shared his experience with one particular pupil.
This boy asked him when "hari masuk gaji" because he was waiting for the day so that his father can give him some pocket money.
A few days later, he got the chance to talk to this pupil and found out the family was kicked out from their rented house (because his father lost his job) and had been living in a budget inn.

I'm proud that he is such a dedicated, concerned teacher, I wish my son would have wonderful teachers like this when he grows up.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Will be sitting for an exam very, very soon but I was at Midvalley Megamall to shop for a watch. Because I am sitting for an exam, I need a watch.

Coincidently, there was a property expo going on. I was all alone and decided to be the adult that I am, to survey the market. Since I came without an expectation, without a target and no budget in my mind, I was quite happy to browse...

"Ooh, how much for this house?"
"4.7 million..."
"Hhmmm...4 storeys...Got lift ah?"
"Of course...You want to register? Register lah..."
"My husband is not around now...Nanti I call dia okay..."
"Come, come, gimme your contact number. Kerja apa?"

So, yeah, I got to pretend like I was a rich person. It was fun. RM 4.7 millions, you said? Very good price horrr...