Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My grandmother passed away. Al-Fatihah.

Father and Mother were supposed to be on their way balik kampung, but they postponed it to a day later since Mother was not feeling well and she didn't want to spread the infection to my grandma.

That night, Mother barged into my room and told me that her mama had gone.

I didn't know what to do.

I wasn't very close to my grandma. In fact, I am not very close to any of my family members.

I took the news really well.

She left my room and I continued whatever thing I was doing. In the end, I went to see her while she was packing.

"Macam mana boleh meninggal dunia?" I asked. As far as I knew, grandma didn't have any chronic disease, except the fact that she was just old.

"Masa tu ramai ada sebab nak pergi wedding. Dia cakap sakit. Lepas tu dia duduk, tak bangun-bangun," Mother said calmly.

"Siapa yang cakap dia meninggal? Tak panggil doktor ke? Mana tahu, entah-entah pengsan je ke..." said I, thoughtfully.

Suddenly, my Mother laughed. "Tak tahulah diorang tu!"

I didn't get why Mother and my sister started to laugh. This was serious matter! "Mana tahu, sebenarnya dia tengah coma ke...Mana boleh senang-senang je declare orang mati! Doktor pun tak boleh senang-senang declare orang mati tau."

"Ala...Siti* kan doktor...Dia tahu lah kot..." Siti* is my cousin who lives in the same hometown as my grandma.

I'm not joking weih! I wouldn't want to declare someone's dead unless I am qualified to!

Anyhow, I've spent a lot of time with my friends. I've always noticed that I go along better with the guys and the girls. The other day, I was even the only rose among five thorns (haha!) and we played three kinds of sports in one day.

It was really good. I enjoyed myself.

My colleague found out about this and I jokingly said that this was the time to enjoy my singlehood.
He said if he were my boyfriend, he would be unfortunate to get a girl like me.

So, I told my boyfriend about what my colleague thought.

Then, my boyfriend said, "I'd be jealous too. But the only reason I let you go is because I know all of your friends."

I feel blessed. To have an understanding boyfriend, to have great friends, and also to have a boyfriend who knows most of my friends and let me have my time with my friends even though my boyfriend himself rarely spends his time with me.

Haih. I love all of them. :)

Friday, December 11, 2009


Wah. It's so nice of you guys to congratulate to me. Thank you, thank you, you guys are too cute. Congratulations to you too, for whatever thing you have achieved so far!

Sorry lah I rarely reply your comments. You know my problems, the Internet + the PC suck.

I eat so much nowadays.

Since McD launched Prosperity Burger, I have eaten nothing but Prosperity Burger everytime I have the chance to order from McDonalds. Tambah dengan McFlurry lagi, nak bubur lah, nak apple pie lah, I always end up having to pay the most among my friends.

Do you guys remember the McD advertisement, probably some 20 years or so ago: the McD clown mascott with his red shoes, singing the alphabets: Mc D O N A L D S, Mc D O N A L D S! I love it. I sing it to my nieces sometimes.

"You ni, makan banyaklah!" my colleague whom recently joined the department said as I munched away my french fries.

Colleague. Work. Work.

When I first started working, I was so enthusiastic, I gave my best in everything I did.

I made sure I came to work on time (I still do this) because I didn't want to 'makan gaji buta'. It's not so much about principle, but I am scared to gain 'rezeki yang haram'. Lets face it, I am not the most pious person, heck, I don't even wear a tudung, the least I can do is to care about these little and simple things that are within my capabilities of doing.

I'm not saying that I've never come late to work, I do, but I'd get all guilty and work overtime so the money that the organization pays me, is worth my work.

People at work often ask me, "Why?" Why do I come to work early. Why do I go home late. Why I never go for lunch unless I make sure everything has been done. Why don't I go take a nap. Why do I help my colleague even though obviously I've done more than him/ her. Why this and why that. I always end up smiling. I mean, can I tell them my actual reasons behind doing all these? I am no ustazah, I don't want to suddenly stun them with my personal views.

Kiranya, what I believe is macam, what you give, you get back la...

However, sometimes, I do get the feelings that the efforts that I put into my work is not appreciated and I don't get the respects that I think I deserve.

Whenever I have these thoughts in my mind, I quickly reflect the purpose I choose this industry. I choose it not for the money, not for the respect nor for the appreciation. So, why bother if someone treats me like crap and the money I get is shit?

There are two ways I look at it.

If my staff misbehave, I keep quiet, I think, "Patutlah kau ni kerja takat ni je...Buruk akhlak. Kurang ajar. Macam mana nak maju?"

If my bosses misbehave, I keep quiet, I think, "Belajar pandai-pandai pun tak guna. Buruk akhlak. Kurang ajar. Cleaner pun perangai lagi bagus dari kau. Buat malu je."

And I don't believe in instilling fear to get your workers becoming more productive. Someone should be approachable to generate interests. Nak marah pun agak-agaklah, kena ada adab. How disgraceful to point out your negative points in front of the clients. Not only it's unprofessional, kalau I jadi client pun, I tak jadi nak dealing dengan these kinds of people. Tak constructive langsung.

I first join this organization believing I wouldn't become one of the commoners. I still keep my mind judgemental-free and I vow to treat everyone the same. I don't care if you are VIP, if you know Datuk so-and-so, you still get in the line like everybody else, you get to cut the line like everybody else if ONLY there's an urgency! I don't care if you whine a lot, that doesn't necessarily mean it's an urgency. On the other hand, who am I to conclude whether you fake it or not, you are still entitled of my full attention and service, just be patient and wait for your turn.

One thing for sure, I don't care whether you to treat me like crap, and if you call me an idiot, I agree with you because I am still learning but trust me, you are still more idiotic than I am. Haha in your face.

Sometimes, I go home feeling all depressed. Everyday is almost similar, but on some of the days, I couldn't take it and I sob. I think it's the accumulation of the many days and so I have this episodes of lachrymology.

My boyfriend is very understanding and he helps a lot in order to make me feel better. He recites his wise words, he shares his own experiences and he even seeks his friends' opinions who work closely in this field.

The sad thing is, I have been advised, for so many times, that I shouldn't trust anyone.

Ah, yes, and how many new friends have I made since I've started working? Two, at most. The rest remains colleagues.

It's me. I work too hard that I don't have the time to get to know them better.

Because of this fear of makan gaji buta, I even feel guilty if I take personal calls during working hours and I never use the Internet for personal use. I do personal things if only I have time spared after I've done my work, which is very rare. And because of this, I have less bonding sessions with my colleagues, hence the less friends I make.

Kesimpulan dari semua ini? Takde.

Nak meluahkan je...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I kept the event low-key. Only a few close friends know about it. And you, the readers.

It's not that I purposely want to hide my status. But I feel things can go wrong anytime, and I don't want to suffer from the consequences. You know what they say, suka suka jadi duka. That's why I don't want to be overexcited about it.

However, an observant boss saw my new bling on my finger.

"Are you engaged?" he asked, in front of my other colleagues.

Later, I found out from my colleague that it was so obvious that I was contemplating to say Yes or No because I took a long time to decide.


My answer was positive. "Just yesterday," I told him.

My boss congratulated me.

Is my boyfriend now my fiance? We are not engaged, you know. We decide to skip the engagement ceremony to save cost.

Guess what?

My parents asked for two rings.

"I ingatkan kalau tak tunang boleh save duit! Tengok-tengok parents you minta dua cincin!" he whined.

I'm happy that I'll get two!

My boyfriend is now my future husband. =)

Saturday, November 28, 2009



I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard Mother and Father were arguing about me.

My boyfriend called earlier to confirm the date that he will be bringing his family over to my house.

Mother said okay but Father was obviously furious. He was so furious, his voice was so loud, and he said nasty things about Mother, my boyfriend and I.

Somehow, the shouting has stopped.

And here I am, refusing to cry.

Boleh tak I menjerit instead?

Monday, November 16, 2009


Not many know that I secretly want to be housewife.

Simple as that.

I was talking with my boss, he asked me what do I want to do in my life, specifically, in the near future, do I have anything in my mind, do I want to further my studies?

Yes, of course. But I don't know in which area particularly. Definitely not the one I am in right now.

Boss wanted to know the reasons.

Me: I'm thinking of having a family soon. This (the department I am in) is mostly a guy's thing. I cannot do this while I'm pregnant.

Boss: Bullshit. Look at the female bosses you have. Don't you think they want to get married and have family too? If they can do it, so can you. If you get pregnant, we'll assign you to do other things first.

Me: Yes, I know. But I don't want to wait 9 months to learn. That means, I'll be getting my cert later that supposedly. I just hate to be left behind.

He shook his head, "Achievements come first."

"Having a family is an achievement too," I argued.

"Not to me," he said.

Me: It is an achievement to have a good family.

Boss: Well, yeah, it is. But I can always do that later.

Me: You are a guy, it's different. I don't want to give birth for the first time when I'm forty!

After a long pause, I continued, "I actually like this department."

My boss gave me a smile and said, "You're just saying it because you are talking to me."

"No, I am serious. I like it, it's so nice here, it'll be perfect for me without the...You know, like I mentioned before..."

My colleague was working for a good 8 months before she quit her job.

"Why did you quit?"

Her answer: My husband didn't like me working. I wouldn't say he was unsupportive. He just didn't like me leave the house and come back tired.

"So, I resigned," she explained.

"Wow. Your parents didn't say anything?"

Her: Of course, they did! But my husband didn't force me to quit my job. I wanted to do so too. It felt so good, to be able to do nothing. Then, I had my baby and it was fun.

"So, you were a housewife for...?"

Her: Two years. Did you know what I came back? Because of SpongeBob.

I laughed.

She laughed too.

"No, seriously. I loved SpongeBob. One day, my kid and I were watching TV. I was excited to watch SpongeBob. 'Yay, SpongeBob!' and then, it was a re-run. So, I was very disappointed."

"And then, it hit me. How can I be disappointed to watch a SpongeBob re-run! I watched too many SpongeBob episodes, that they were now showing re-runs and I didn't like it. I thought to myself, 'Man, my brain is getting rusty. I couldn't do this anymore. I need to get out of the house'."

Next question asked, "So, you talked to your husband?"

Her: Yes, and he was OK with it. So, here I am. Working...

Her: But it was nice to be a housewife. I mean, it wasn't too bad to sit at home. It's just...For example, I didn't get to dress up for anything. And I used to be pretty upset about it. Like, why do I have to buy nice clothes, I don't even get to wear it.

Her: But now I feel terrible for my daughter. She's always like, "Mommy, are you coming home today?"

Her: And I don't get to live with my husband. It's so tiring to drive up and down, you know. So, we decide that I should stay somewhere nearer to my workplace.

Me: Aww, that's sad. Do you guys get to see each other often?

Her: At least, twice a week. He lives the dogs. I always joke that he spends more time with the bitches than me.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

debar debar

Tadi I baca paper The Star. Dekat page belakang-belakang tu, dia cakap, wanita yang berpayudara besar adalah lebih bijak, berdasarkan kajian yang dibuat oleh sebuah univeristy di Chicago. Scientifically katanya, perempuan berbuah dada besar ni lebih banyak merembeskan hormon kewanitaan yang merangsang minda.


I punya boobs kecik gile, tapi I tak bodoh okay! My teteks do not contain my brain...

Last night, I was exchanging SMS with 4 different guys in a span of 30 minutes.

Due to the fact that 3 of the guys are more good looking than my boyfriend (the 4th guy is my boyfriend himself), terus I perasan player sekejap. Haha.

3 eligible bachelors, good looking and professionals, almost perfect. (Sigh)

That's when it hit me when Mother said, "Betulke nak kahwin ni? Kamu asyik keluar dengan lelaki lain."

'Keluar dengan lelaki lain' doesn't mean I am cheating on my boyfriend. First of all, my boyfriend is aware of my activities, second of all, my guy friends are well, my guy friends, nothing more than that, and last but not least, my boyfriend is not an unsecured freak who controls my every move.

Speaking of me 'keluar dengan lelaki lain', it's so funny, the other day, I went out with my colleague/ friend, and my boyfriend refused to put down the phone.

"Bila you nak hang up, ni? You ada benda lagi nak beritahu? Hehe..." I teased him.
"I tak tahulah. I rasa berdebar-debar pulak!"
"Berdebar-debar? Haha!" I laughed.
"Ye lah, sejak nak kahwin ni...Lepas kahwin, tak boleh buat macam ni lagi tau."
"Ye lah, kalau dah kahwin, I berdosa kalau tak ikut cakap you..."


This guy is currently unwillingly seeing two girls at a time. It all started when he went for a vacation and met these two girls and they both have crushes on him (who wouldn't?). So, when one of the girls asked him out, being the Mr. Nice Guy that he is, he couldn't say 'No' despite asking for my opinion (I told him not to give false hope).

"It feels wrong," he told me. "Because I went out with her colleague too, *Minah. I'm sure sooner or later, words will get to them, and they will think I'm such a player."

"Well, you are, if you don't acknowledge them that you are only interested in being friends with them. You should spill, you know, don't keep it a secret, like, 'Hey, *Gayah, I also went out with *Minah the other day, ya know...'"

"And tell them what? 'Oohh...And we had so much fun'?" This guy can be sarcastic sometimes.

"Then, tell them the truth. You are not into them!" was my advice.

"Tak boleh. Nanti diorang cakap, I ni perasan. Sebenarnya nak kawan-kawan je..."

To clarify things, I asked him, "Betulke they suka you?"

"I have the feelings. They keep calling me, asking me out, flirting with me..."

"What do you talk about?"


"Do you call them back?"

"Itulah pasal...I tak pernah call them!" he exclaimed.

Girls...Please lah get the message when a guy is just being nice to you. Being nice to you doesn't mean he reciprocates your feelings.

This friend of mine has everything, except, you guess it right, the lady love.

He's moving on a step higher in his corporation ladder very soon. Perhaps, he thinks this is the best time to pursue the girl he met several years ago.

He asked me to get her number for him.

The problem is, the girl doesn't want us to give out her phone number unless the guy asks for it personally directly from her.

But I think it's so sweet of him, for the fact the girl whom she met years ago still lingers in his mind...She sure made such a big impact in his life.

Wonder when things like this will ever occur to me. Haha. Gatal.

Anyway, he sounds desperate, doesn't he? He can have any girls he wants (believe me, he's like, one of the most popular guys in the corporation because 'He is so perfect'), but he is desperate to have this girl's number.

I told him, "Good luck and all the best. I can only help you this far."

I don't like to play cupid. I suck at it.

The girl that this guy fancies is getting married soon.

He's not too heartbroken. But I'm sure he feels a bit depressed and under pressure seeing many of our friends are already attached.

Ah, I remember how dashing he looked when he took off his helmet and his leather jacket. I remember how every girl was checking him out and every guy was checking his bike out. And I remember how he promised to bring me on his ride one day.

Anyway, there's no exciting news to be told about him here.

We contacted each other just because it's time for a meet-up. Afterall, I've known him the longest (among all four) and he was my closest friend before I met my boyfriend. He became second when my boyfriend knocked on my life. :)

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Mother and Father have decided on the amount of hantaran my boyfriend should give.

I had to pass the number to him.

Him: Dah agak dah.
Me: Kenapa dah agak dah?
Him: Sebab you comel and pandai and baik hati...
Me: Boleh?
Him: Boleh. Ma saya pun tak cakap apa. Dia okay je.

Mother: So how?
Me: I told him already.
Mother: And?
Me: It's expected.
Mother: Kenapa expected?
Me: Sebab kita bukan orang negeri dia. Tapi mak dia cakap okay.
Mother: Kenapa kena tanya mak dia pula? Dia bukannya minta duit mak dia, kan?

Auntie: Berapa banyak minta? Kita patutnya tanya budget dia dulu.
Mother: RM**k
Auntie: Kalau budget dia lebih, boleh minta lebih. RM**k?
Mother: Banyak sangat tu. Macam jual anak.
Auntie 2: Eh, zaman sekarang, biasalah tu. Sedara kita X tu pun, anak dia punya hantaran dia RM**k.

Me: You know what, if my parents ask for RM**k, you should give them more than that. (Laughs) Mesti parents I macam, Wow, tak minta pun dapat. (Laughs)
Him: Tunggu I banyak duitlah, sayang...

Him: My friends terkejut when I told them the amount.
Me: Really? Why? Selalunya, berapa harga biasa dekat negeri you?
Him: Dalam RM*k to RM**k.
Me: Oh. Tapi biasalah RM**k tu! All my friends pun dapat hantaran RM**k juga!
Him: Ye?
Me: Yup. You rasa mahal ke?

Him: How many hantarans do you want? 7 balas 9, okay?
Me: Okay.
Him: You nak apa?
Me: I nak 1. telekung 2. cincin and hantaran 3. sirih junjung 4. handbag 5. jam 6.......I nak PDA 7.......I nak kunci rumah and kunci kereta. (Laughs)
Him: Pandailah you ni!
Me: You dapat 9 dulang okay!
Him: Tapi you isi dengan buah-buahan kan? Macam I tak tahu...(Laughs)
Me: Fine. Belikan I laptop.
Him: Laptop tak muat atas dulang.
Me: You belilah laptop yang kecil dan comel dan mahal...Mesti muat! (Laughs)

Him: You nak belikan I kasut apa?
Me: It depends on what kind of handbag you will buy me. Lets say...If you buy me a Guess handbag, takkanlah I nak belikan you kasut Gucci kan!

A reminder to myself.
I want a simple, cost effective wedding.
Nothing too fancy and over the top.
I shouldn't lose myself in the midst of preparation. I ni kan seorang yang berjimat.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

girly dilemma

Sometimes, I feel like I want to start writing about my wedding plans.

- I don't want a bridesmaid (because I'd have too many to be included and I don't want them all wearing the same colours. Too radical.)
- I don't want a majlis merenjis (Mother is against it too, she hates being put in the spotlight)
- If I don't want a majlis merenjis, why would I need a dais for?
- I want to make my wedding convenient for all my friends to come. That would mean to host it from day to night. But that means my friends wouldn't gather at a place at a time. No fun.
- I already have a design in my mind for my wedding dress, but it looks best in white, but I prefer it not to be white since I'll be wearing white for the akad nikah.

You know, girly things like that.


- I don't want to get too excited about it just in case...
- I want my ceremony to be unique
- I want my anomosity to remain

Now, that's what I call a girly dilemma.

I don't know when my busy life is going to end. Mother and Father asked for the boyfriend's family to wait.

I don't understand why we need to wait. I mean, it's not like we are going to book a khemah and cater for food or anything like that. It will be a very small event, attended by immediate family members. I know from my side, it would be just me and my family. Nothing big. Just for the sake of adat. Just for the sake to make everything official. Just for sake to tell my parents that I AM SERIOUS AND CONFIDENT ABOUT THIS.

The date proposed by Mother and Father is not feasible for me. My leave will not be approved, even if I explain to my bosses that it's for MY merisik. Besides, my leaves are sacred to me (due to how limited they are) hence I'd prefer to burn them when I really need to.

I forced my boyfriend to bring it forward. My boyfriend agreed and contacted Mother.

Mother: I want to ask you again. Betul nak dekat dia?
Me: Betul.
Mother: Sebab kamu asyik keluar dengan lelaki lain.
Me: Tu kawan kerja la. I memang banyak kawan lelaki, nak buat macam mana.
Mother: Ma tanak kamu salah pilih. Ma tengok muka dia macam takde duit je.
Me: Kalau dia ade duit ke, takde duit ke, muka dia tetap sama.

Okay, that's settled.

Another thing, I don't know what to wear. My boyfriend bought a 4-metre silk textile a while back, but I hate it. I thought I could pull it off, convincing myself that I look pretty in anything I wear. So, I tried the cloth on me last night, it was still ugly. I hate it. So much.

I'd rather be absence from the ceremony than wearing that.

Me: I kena kerja. Mana ada masa.
Him: I nak datang ni bawa family I, you kena ada!
Me: Tapi ni merisik je. Do I have to be there?
Him: Habis tu?
Me: Lagipun I takde baju nak pakai.
Him: Kain yang I beli tu, bila you nak buat?
Me: I tak tahu nak buat design macam mana.
Him: Antara baju kurung atau baju kebaya?
Me: (Actually, even if it's been made into either, it still looks ugly and cheap) Baju tu tak sesuai buat kebaya. And tak cantik buat baju kurung.
Him: Nevermind, I'll ask my tailor design macam mana sesuai.
Me: Your tailor?
Him: Our tailor.
Me: (Still, like I said before, even if it's been made into either, it still looks ugly and cheap)

Can't I just buy and wear something else, something that would compliment and bring the best out of me!

Now, if you think we have a dishonest relationship, you are wrong.

I told him earlier, hours after receiving the gift, that I dislike it.

Of course, he couldn't accept it and the conversation became sour. "I had four girls picking it for you! Do you know how much did I spend for it! You senang-senang je kata you tak suka!"

Well, obviously the four girls had no taste.
And, if I don't like something, shouldn't I just say it? I mean, he is my very own boyfriend, not some bosses I'm trying to impress, thus he shall know exactly how I feel.

I felt guilty soon afterwards, so I apologized and I said, "I'm sorry. It's not too bad, I guess. I like it. I look good in anything, right?"

Deep down, I knew, I look ugly wearing it. Who am I kidding? Korang ingat I ni Nasha Aziz? Heidi Klum? Are you crazy!

i think i still know you and your family so well. too well.

We were so close, like sisters, the four of us. We thought our friendship would last a lifetime. We tried hard to keep it alive. But after school, the four of us went separate ways.

We were young and penniless, staying in contact like we used to was impossible. We met new friends, we embarked new adventures with different people.

One by one is getting married. I attended her wedding. I wanted to be a part of the group, but she has new bestfriends now and a bridesmaid I don't know who.

Nevertheless, I was happy for her. This is her now; the person I loved, the person I still love, because I was in her history and she was in mine. It was her day, her special day.

I was in her house which I hadn't stepped into for a very long time. I saw the familiar faces in her house: her mother, her father and her two brothers.

Her elder brother looked different, somehow. Older but simply not the same anymore. He wasn't like this before. His good looks remain but there was something missing. The sparkle in his eyes. The liveliness in his personality. The warmth of his presence. They are all gone now. I noticed my bestfriend hadn't spoken a word with him too.

I kinda knew what he had gotten himself into. But I shrugged it off. 'This is my bestfriend's brother, I knew him since I was a kid. It couldn't be...How silly of me...' My concious wanted to believe my suspicion was wrong. Just because I've seen so many, it doesn't mean I could tell one when I meet one.

Moments before the ceremony, my bestfriend looked so radiant. She was in her place. The handsome groom was near. Everybody anticipated the glorious event. All eyes were fixed on them. That's when I saw, at the corner of my eyes, a figure slowly manouvered himself out of the crowd, creeping up the stairs.

I was right. A loving brother couldn't possibly miss his sister's wedding, especially during the 'Aku nikahkan dikau...' Unlike her other brother, who was so involved in it.

I stopped questioning what I know. She doesn't have to tell but I know drugs has sucked the humanity out from her brother's soul.

It is such a pity, such a waste, for a smart, educated man, to fall into the dark, deep hole.

We are not as close as before for me to discuss something so personal with you. Even if we were, we were not as young as before, when we truly told each other everything and anything in this world. We are at the age when every word that's coming out from our mouths is being filtered by our brains first, before we said something regretful.
We learned that already. Because we've grown up.

Still, my friend, everything's going to be alright.

That was your day. Congratulations on your marriage. I'm glad you met your husband. I'm sure he was there when things got difficult, when I wasn't there. May you live happily ever after.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

the proposal 1.

I spend less and less time on the Internet. No, I don't know what happened to Piah Zadora, to answer a reader's question. Haha, funny that the reader mentioned her name. Piah Zadora, once a legend, I wish somebody was able to reveal her identity. You know, it'd be fun to watch the drama.

But I guess, people move on. Those who shut down their blogs are now writing again.


On Sunday, Mother sent an SMS asking whether I was coming home for lunch because the menu of the day was fish and chips. I couldn't resist it, instead of having a fun loving date with my boyfriend, I forced him to join me at my house.

I think, my boyfriend was preparing for his speech for my parents, but I kept interrupting by, asking him to eat with me, talking about work with Mother. Then, I excused myself to get ready for our special dinner.

He was supposed to use the time to blurt it out to my parents.

This is what happened, according to him:

He went to one of the rooms to perform his prayer, waiting for the perfect moment, but it was spoiled by the sudden influx of people into my house- my siblings and their kids.

I, on the other hand, thought he did it, went to greet him, all made up and smiling.

In the car, he admitted, "I haven't told yet."

"Why?" I asked and he mentioned the reason above. "Tak apa, esok I cuba lagi, okay?" were his comforting words.

At the same time, I wasn't in my very best of health. I had a flu. My boyfriend thought I was crying. I did not. But I pretended I was.

"Kenapa you sedih?"
"Sebab you lah!"

The intention was to jokingly alarm him. However, I was too engrossed in my character, it became real, the emotions- anger and disappointment.

"You are always like this, aren't you? You give me all kinds of reasons!"
"Memang betul, tadi tiba-tiba ramai orang!"
"Well, perhaps, ni Tuhan nak tunjuk yang we are not supposed to be together!"

I am more mature now. I limit my words when I'm angry, avoiding regretful conversations that might come out from my words.

Silence. I fixed my eyes on the road. I waited for him to stroke my hair or hold and kiss my hands, like the way he always does when I'm upset.

He did not.

Instead, he took out his mobile phone, which made me angrier. Wrong timing, Sir, to call your friend at times like this, all hell's gonna break loose.

Actually, he was calling Mother. "Esok, dalam pukul 12 tengahari, saya datang rumah, ada hal nak jumpa."

Feeling embarassed, it did work to calm me down. My mouth started to curve slowly upwards.

Dinner at Mandarin Hotel was superb. We ate so much, to make worth of the RM100++ per head buffet. Not bad, huh? It was my first time there, didn't know the price is affordable and fit the quality served there.

The night ended well.

I arrived soundly, but Mother was obviously was anticipating for my return. She doesn't usually stay up after midnight. I escaped her by quickly ran towards my room, getting ready for my slumber.

Mother knocked on the door. "Apa yang dia nak cakap?"

"That his parents are going to see you soon."

"Are you sure? Ataupun kamu nak kahwin just because all your friends are getting married?"
"Orang dah nak kahwin lama dah. Tapi Mother yang tak bagi dulu..."

"Dah fikir betul-betul? Betulke ini orangnya?"
"Betul lah."

"Betul ke dia kerja xxx?"

"Nanti lepas kahwin tinggal mana? Jauh?"
"Sini lah."

"Tapi dia kerja jauh."
"Nanti dia pindah kerja sini."

"Kenapa tak boleh cari yang lebih elok?"
"Eloklah tu. Yang penting, hati baik."

"You have so many friends. Kenapa tak lekat?"
"Dia yang paling baik."

The next day, in the morning:

"I told Father. Dia cakap kena tunggu dua tahun."
"Dua tahun! Tak mau!"

"Ma cakap, 2 tahun lama sangat. Setahun okaylah."
"I nak bulan 6. Kalau ikut dia, dia nak bulan 3."

"Lagi satu, Father cakap kena datang lepas Raya Haji."

As planned, my boyfriend paid a visit in the afternoon. I didn't know what my boyfriend discussed with Mother, I haven't got the chance to interview him yet. But it's sad, huh? Because Father knew he was coming but decided to settle his work. My boyfriend called one day earlier to make sure they were at home, but Father left.

And the reason Father wants two years for us to prepare for the wedding? I think he secretly hopes that in the meantime, I would find somebody else.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


So, it's like this.

When you drive a luxury car, everything that comes out of it, people will believe it's authentic. Because nobody can fake an expensive car.

But, if you carry a Louis Vuitton and you only drive a Kancil, people find it hard to believe that the LV bag you have on your shoulder actually cost you RM5000.

So, there's this one makcik who just bought a Brabus.

"Kalau Auntie bawa kereta ni, makcik pakai handbag made in Golok pun takpe..." she said.

True, true.

But I also have met a person with a different kind of mentality.

"Ye, memang betul kalau kita pakai kereta besar, kalau kita pakai Gucci fake pun orang percaya. Orang lain tak tahu, tapi kita sendiri tahu kita pakai barang fake...Untuk kepuasan saya sendiri, saya mesti beli yang original punya. Sebab kalau ikut betul-betul dari segi Islam, menciplak itu dah dikira mencuri....Sebab tu, kalau kita tengok orang putih, mereka tak support sangat CD-CD ciplak sebab mereka tahu, mencuri hasil kerja orang lain tu salah."

He added, "Kalau kita pakai barang original kan, kita sendiri rasa confident. Betul tak?"

Eh, tapi I rasa confident kalau ada orang mengorat I! Haha!

Speaking about being flirtatious, I don't know why some people don't take engagements seriously. When you are engaged, heck, when you are risik-ed, it means you are already attached!

Just now, a doctor indirectly asked for my number. I was happy, of course. As I was telling my boyfriend how hot I am (told you my confidence level go sky-high when somebody shows his interest in me, haha), we concluded he must think I haven't found out about his status. Gatal!

A colleague also recently was involved in this love triangle. He found out that the girl he was seeing was somebody's fiance from her friend. He went ballistic, of course. "Tapi kan, kasihan juga dekat perempuan tu, sebab dia cakap dia dipaksa untuk bertunang," he told us.
What kind of bull is that!

To snap him out of it, I said, "You nak percaya lagi cakap dia? Ini bukan zaman dulu-dulu lah. Kalau tak suka, cakap tak suka. Takde mak bapak akan paksa anak dia bertunang."

My other colleague said, "Orang zaman sekarang ni, tak paham konsep bertunang. Kalau dah bertunang, patutnya sudah bersedia untuk berkahwin. Dia tu, dah bertunang, tapi mata masih nak pandang orang lain..."

"Because...She thinks you are such a good catch!" I said, referring it to him, my colleague. "Kalau dah bertunang, dah bersedia nak kahwin, kita patutnya dah terima baik buruk tunang kita...Mana boleh, dulu suka sama suka, lepas jumpa you, tiba-tiba semua buruk tunang dia boleh nampak!"

I so don't like dishonesty!

Speaking about dishonesty, one pakcik in his late 40s was caught for stealing cash money.

I don't know why, thieves always think they are so smart but in actual fact, they are stupid.

He did it in the broad daylight and people witnessed the event. So, the boss investigated, within hours, he knew it was him.

Since this man is the boss, he knows a lot of people, one of them is a policeman. He arranged with the policeman to go the thieve's house. The thieve ran away and had a cup of coffee in a nearby coffeeshop, probably to relief his thirst after all the running. (Did I mention how stupid thieves are?)

The boss and the cop caught him, he admitted and returned the money. The boss, out of his mercy, didn't report the case because Hari Raya was a week away. He didn't want the thieve's family to be saddened by it and he didn't want to take away the only breadwinner in the family.

So, he let the thieve go. The boss didn't shout. The boss didn't even fire him. The young boss said, "Pakcik datanglah kerja minggu depan...Lain kali kalau pakcik ada masalah duit, minta duit tu dengan saya, jangan curi."

Just now, the kind boss even pay for his workers' zakats and went to all his workers' houses to deliver kain pelikat to them as Hari Raya gifts, including the thieve's house.

Agaknya, kenapa kain pelikat?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

tiga cerita.

First thing first,

Do you remember the time when we were in school and we learned that even gas has weight ('jisim') and the teachers made us do the experiment to prove it:
Two balloons, a straw and strings.

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We blew up the balloons, hung it on the hanging straw, then we popped up one of the balloons, and we saw how the other balloon sagged.

"Wallah!" said the teacher. "Hipotesis terbukti!"

It has been years that I have a query in my mind about the legibility of the experiment.

Now, a question the scientists out there:

How can we measure the weight of air in air itself?

It's like, measuring the weight of water underwater!
Imagine doing the experiment in the bottom the swimming pool. Fill the balloons with water, immerse them in water, pop one balloon up and watch what happens next.
Will the other fat balloon fall to the bottom?
I don't know. Do you know?

Back to the gas experiment, perhaps, we are actually proving that carbon dioxide is heavy. We expire CO2 into the balloons and according it's nature, it makes the balloon sag.

That's why we use CO2 to fight fire. Fire eats up oxygen. We spray CO2 to cover the fire from getting more O2. CO2 is heavier than O2, so it acts like a blanket.

Can someone please answer me? Sudah bertahun-tahun ku memikirkan hal ini tapi tak pernah pula bertanya pada sesiapa.

I think I'm finally right on my track.

"Ectopy, why are you so happy today? You smile and smile, why?"
"You look happy today!"
My bosses said on two separate occasions.

The last time I got so many complimets on my happiness was 5-6 years ago. I was very happy back then.
"From the first time I saw you, the very first thing I notice was your smile. You have this bright smile and you are always smiling," said one of my lecturers 5-6 years ago. I consider it as one of the best compliments I've ever gotten and I'll cherish and remember it forever.

That's why when someone commented on how I'm always smiling, I am reminded about how myself used to be.

I miss myself and I'm glad that I am finding back myself!


It's either, what people say is true, or my boyfriend is playing with my heart.

We are planning to get married. However, unfortunate things keep happening to my boyfriend, it's almost unbelievable.

His father collapsed and was hospitalized but the doctors could not find anything conclusive about his condition.

He is still saving up to replace the RM60K that he lends to his so-called friend who refuses to pay him back.

Me: Where are you?
Him: Buka puasa dengan lawyer.
Me: I thought you dah tak kawan dengan lawyer!
Him: Lawyer sorang tu je yang I taknak kawan...In fact, I dah tak contact dengan dia dah. Dia call pun I tak angkat. Bila I pikir balik, marahnya!
Me: Bongoklah you ni, kalau you dah taknak contact dia lagi, macam mana you nak minta hutang you balik! Mana tahu kalau dia call you sebab nak bayar hutang ke...

I hate it when my boyfriend becomes emotional over money matters. Last-last, diri sendiri yang rugi!

Then, when I pushed him so things can proceed faster, he told me how he was duped again! More $$$ gone, and he said he needs time to replace what's been lost.

Is he making things up to avoid being married to me, or does things suddenly happen for a reason? Is he hiding something from me???

Since I'm in a new workplace, for some reason I don't like to share anything personal with my colleagues.

"Cik dah kahwin?" my staff asked.
I denied, memang betul belum kahwin pun.

"Have you watched 'Up'?" asked my boss.
"I haven't."
"Why? It's really good, it's so funny!"
"Well, I don't have anybody to watch with," I was not even thinking that the words I said might imply that I'm single. But it's true I usually watch movies with my boyfriend, but ever since he's busy with his work, I really don't have anybody to watch movies with!
"Lain kali Cik tengoklah dengan boss..." my staff interfered, giggling as she said it.

And, whenever people asking me whether I am attached, I'd answer neither. My boyfriend knows about this.

Him: Kenapa you tak mengaku?
Me: Sebab, kalau orang tahu I dah ada boyfriend, nanti orang tak mahu mengorat I!
Him: You jangan nak menggatal eh...
Me: Ye lah, you kan tak mahu kahwin dengan I cepat-cepat, jadi, sementara tu, baik I cari orang lain.
Him: Amboi, sedapnya cakap!
Me: Eh, you tu cuma calon suami, bukan bakal suami! Apa salahnya I cari calon banyak-banyak...
Him: Sabarlah sayang! I nak kahwin dengan you lah! You ingat I kerja ni untuk apa?

Well, if I have to be patient with his lateness, he has to be patient with my attitude. Right?

Friday, September 11, 2009

type and write

The truth is, as much as I'm loving this new chapter of my life, I also miss how my life used to be.

I especially miss all the time I had to blog-hop and discover interesting blogs and songs. It's like finding hidden treasures.

I was at work today and I was typing on the computer when someone mentioned to me, "Did you take typing class before?"

No. Typing is MY talent. Haha.

That's the second time this month somebody has noticed about my ability to type really fast.
Actually, I've never realized how speedy I type until these two people pointed it out to me.

Anyway, I explained that I used to spend a lot of my time on the Internet. I wanted to add, "In fact, I used to be an avid writer."

I miss writing. I miss expressing myself. I've been writing for as long as I can remember, fiction and non-fiction.
In school, I made excellent compositions, I was named 'Best' in both languages. It wasn't a talent, of course, I had good teachers, I followed their guidance and I'm still practicing them. I had teachers photocopying my materials, teachers asking to keep my Exercise Books...

At home, privacy was scarce. We lived in a small house and I had siblings and my parents who kept rummaging through my stuff. In those days, there was no Internet, and the only way to write discretely is by writing poems.

Yes, I miss writing. During my further studies, I always wondered if I was really in the correct stream. Writing is what I did best, but we (my family, the society and I) decided the other would give me better prospect for the future.

Besides, I used to feel that writing was just a hobby.
Like blogging. This is just one of my favourite pastimes.

And I shall write whenever I have the time and something to tell.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I feel like a model when I found out that I'm being paid RM560 for 7 hours of work. All I do is sit there and wait for my clients. If they are there, I consult them for 10 minutes at most. In between, I read magazines.
I say, all the hard work I did in school finally paid off! :)

I think people are way too scared of H1N1. Unnecessary paranoia.
Perhaps, deep down, I actually hate those ugly masks.
Especially those anti-bacterial masks. How's wearing those more expensive anti-bacterial masks prevent you from getting infected with the flu when H1N1 is a virus, not a bacteria!

Now that you understand that a virus is way smaller than a bacteria, please enlighten me why on earth some people buy those purposeless cloth Hello Kitty masks and wear it proudly like they're immune!

Now, moving on to the number 2 in my list: Parents who bring babies and toddlers to crowded places.
They are weak creatures. Tak payah tunggu H1N1, the normal flu pun can kill them, tahu?

Monday, September 7, 2009

the clients

I love my clients.

They are the ones who make my day when I'm at work. I get to meet all kinds of attitudes, and when I see the kind I like, it melts my heart.

Like this elderly man in his sixties, with both lower limbs amputated, but still kissing his wife and say, "I love you" to each other.

Like this mother whose son an injecting drug addict and I've heard her being shouted at by her son, but she is still there, caring and nursing him.

Like this man who is so lively, cheerful, fresh and funny whenever I meet him.

I like working with the poor, no matter what race they are, we are all the same.

My dear, dear clients. I wish to let them know how they have helped me go through the dog days at work, how significant they actually are in this world, at least to me...

Before I started this, I knew what was I getting myself into. But, it was too late to back out. So, I repeatedly told myself that whenever something bad happens, whenever I get a scolding, I am going to ignore and laugh. Laugh like nobody business. Laugh until I annoy the scolder.

Do I do it now? I do, but I do it in my heart. I have to hide the inappropriateness of sudden laugh before I get sacked for having a psychiatry condition.

And it helps a lot. Sometimes, after a round of scoldings, I'd sit down and I'd be on the verge of breaking down, but I'd be reminded about the resolution I made before I accepted this job.

I'd laugh inside my head, picturing how it would turn out be if I truly laugh during the event.

I'd be smiling foolishly after I'm snapped out from my imagination. Haha.

My latest amusement at work is- my secret admirer.

I was told by my friend that somebody fancies me, but he was too afraid to strike up a conversation.
Cute eh?
"Dia cakap you ni sexy..." said my friend.
"Huh? Sexy? Pakai baju kerja pun sexy ke? Hahaha."

Told the boyfriend about this and I asked him to spread this among his friends.


"So your friends would know that you have a hot girlfriend. I'm still sizzling hot in the market! Hahaha!"

Friday, July 17, 2009


As you know, I'm a little bit obsessed when people compliment me on my looks. I can't tell people about it, of course, to avoid being called perasan, vain and/ or shallow (I'm not, it's just rare for others to think I'm beautiful!), so I'll blog about it instead.

Of all the love I have in my heart, most belong to my boyfriend and my niece. Lucky me, they reciprocate.

Just like the way I think how beautiful my niece will grow up to be, she thinks I am so pretty, she wants to be like me.

Me: Cantik juga Auntie pakai cermin mata ni...(Smiles in front of the mirror)
Niece: Auntie memang cantik pun. Siapa cakap Auntie tak cantik...

I was so happy, I immediately called my boyfriend to share the news with. Then, I searched for Mother just to tell her what my niece had said. Mother said my niece was simply kissing my ass.

Niece: Auntie ni fashionable lah. Kita dah cerita dekat kawan kita pasal Auntie. Kawan kita pun nak jumpa Auntie. Can you bring us out this Saturday and we'll go shopping?

Niece: Auntie, kita nak jadi macam Auntie lah...Auntie is so cantik!
Me: Yeke? Awak pun cantik juga...(No bluff, I seriously think she is so pretty)
Niece: Macam mana nak jadi Queen of Fashion macam Auntie...Baju yang Auntie pakai cantik-cantik, baju yang Auntie belikan untuk kita pun cantik-cantik...We have the same taste!
Me: (Yeah, right. You like what I bought for you because I am that childish!)
Niece: Hari tu, kita shopping dengan Mama. Ada satu baju ni, cantik sangat, tapi Mama cakap tak cantik... (Pause) Auntie tahu tak baju yang Grandma beli tu?
Me: Tahu...
Niece: Baju yang ni, lagi buruk dari baju tu! Tapi baju tu lah yang Mama kata cantik! (Makes face) Peliklah Mama ni! Mama has weird fashion taste!
Me: (Laughs uncontrollably because she indirectly just insulted the blouse Mother bought for her!)


I browsed Facebook just now and looked at my cousin's photos. I used to think she was so pretty too. I changed my mind when I reached mid-teens. I know one day my niece will experience the same thing, she will be thinking, "Why the hell did I think she was so pretty!"


I think my niece is very pretty, I suggested her to model. But she rejected the idea. I asked her for her reason but she refused to say. Deep down, I am kinda glad she is not interested in modelling. I was just saying so she could improve her self-esteem, she is indeed a model material. Anyway, she told me she wanted to be an artist.

Me: What! Artist! (I totally against this one, I blame Akedemi Fantasia) But you couldn't sing!
Niece: Bukan artist nyanyi lah. Artist lukis-lukis...Kita selalu imagine kita painting cantik-cantik...


My boyfriend has started to berangan about our wedding day. But I seriously doubt his taste in women fashion. Do you know what he wants me to wear? "I nak you pakai gown putih macam orang Cina pakai tu, dengan glove panjang colour putih."

Oh, my God.
Mana boleh!
I kan Queen of Fashion!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


I notice that lately I've been talking too much about relationships. Not good. Macam kucing gatal.

You know what, I've never ever heard of Manek Urai before.
"Hai, you dekat mana?"
"On the way nak pergi Man U."
"Pergi mana?!"
"Manek Urai lah!"

Wah, sekarang ada nama glamour.

And I heard the people of Manek Urai are enjoying all the attention. Business are going well. "Kalau macam ni, tiap-tiap tahun mengundi pun tak apa!" a makcik commented. Haha. Makcik comel.

Children are the best free entertainment. My niece really wanted to follow the rest of the family to Europe. "Tak boleh, awak mana ada passport, tak boleh naik kapal terbang!"

Like any other persistent child, she folded a few plain papers and wrote, 'PASSPORT MALAYSIA', complete with her biodata and a drawn photo of herself on the first page.

So cute lah!

My niece also couldn't differentiate between dagu, dahi and siku.

Niece: Kita confuse lah. Dagu yang ini kan? (Points to her chin)
Me: Yes.
Niece: Dahi yang ini kan? (Points to her forehead)
Me: Yes.
Niece: Siku yang ini kan? (Points to her elbow)
Me: Awak dah 10 tahun, tapi you still can't identify your body parts?
Niece: Siku and dagu, sebab dua-dua bunyi 'u', dagu and dahi sebab dua-dua bunyi 'da'! Tahu tak kita confuse apa lagi? Kiri and kanan...
Me: Kiri tu 'left', kanan tu 'right'.
Niece: I know which one is left and which is right, but I'm confused which one is kiri and which one is kanan.

Eh, macam tu pulak? English tak confuse, Bahasa Melayu confuse pulak?

According to my boyfriend, sorry if this is wrong, in the Quran, it is stated something like: to make money you have to sweat. Kena berusaha cari rezeki, kejayaan tidak akan datang bergolek, success is 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration, ah, you know the drill.

He elaborated that if you got the money but you didn't do much work, there must be something wrong there. Easy come, easy go lah...

And then, there is this story about this conwoman, who ran away with RM400millions. The people she manipulated including celebrities and prominent people, of course, not mentioned in the paper, such a shame how someone educated can fall into this woman's trap.

Her activities were exposed several months back when a friend approached my boyfriend and asked him whether this woman had tried to coax my boyfriend to invest money in her 'business'. Thank God, no. The friend then told my boyfriend how this woman had conned many people including politicians and so and so who are the CEOs of companies so and so, and my boyfriend listened. Biasalah, gosip, kena dengar dengan setia.

Suddenly, in yesterday's Harian Metro, the woman was mentioned, front page lagi.

Pengajarannya di sini, nak duit, kena kerja kuat. Tak boleh goyang kaki harap duit masuk. Kalau dapat duit cara senang, confirm tak lama duit tu akan ada dalam tangan, mesti lesap semula.

These conmen are very clever. They will give you evidence: first time you invest, they will give you a huge return. You will be lured, especially since other prominent people join the club too. Next time, you'll be investing more, sebab you greedy macam anjing dengan bayang-bayang, orang tamak selalu rugi.

Looking on the bright side, it's just money. Bukan boleh bawa mati pun. Duit, mana-mana pun boleh cari. So, don't be too sad lah if you lost some money...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

i dont

First and foremost, thank you for the comments, sorry I couldn't reply them individually, nor could I pay a visit to your blogs, as you know, I am having some problems with the Internet. What I can tell is, they are very much appreciated.

So, there is this guy, who expressed his interest in me since a year or more ago. We started off as distant friends because I am attached and he is not that interesting to me.

One day, due to some circumstances, I decided to change my contact numbers. I only gave my new numbers to the people who are significant in my life, you know how sometimes we store numbers we never bother to dial or numbers we wish we never got, well, that's why only a handful selected people know my new number.

However, this guy, let say his name is Amin, e-mailed and even searched on Facebook because he wanted my number. Because he asked me personally, I gave him my new number.

One morning, I received a call and it was him at the end of the line. He asked me how was I doing, he asked me about my job and he told me how I disappeared. About five minutes into the conversation, he asked, "Bila you nak kahwin dengan I? Kahwinlah dengan I..."

"Huh!" Truthfully, I was surprised by the sudden proposal. Sure, he had jokingly asked my hand in marriage many times before, but I wasn't expecting this since I warned him to stop and he had not been doing it in a while. Besides, I just woke up from my slumber.

"Tak kot..." I gave my answer, loud, clear and firm.

Did I mention this guy is twice my age! This is crazy.

Amin: So, bila you nak kahwin?
Me: Belum ada plan...
Amin: What happened to your boyfriend?
Me: We are still together, we are happy.
Amin: Habis tu? Dulu cakap nak tunang?
Me: Memang pun, tapi tunggu dulu, kumpul duit. Semuanya masih tengah discuss.
Amin: Cakap dengan dia, cepat-cepatlah masuk meminang. Kalau dia tanak, I nak. I bukan setakat saja boleh bagi you berapa banyak dulang hantaran, I bagi you 9 trolley hantaran!

Tipulah kalau I cakap I tak suka. I dapat bahan for my own amusement. And, no surprise, the next person I called is my boyfriend, just to make him threatened.

Come to think of it, I should've just agreed to marry him. Let him come to my house and let Father and Mother be shocked to see a guy who can be as old as my father, is my future husband.

That situation will surely put my boyfriend as the best candidate by comparison.

"Ma setujulah dengan boyfriend kamu, janganlah kamu kahwin dengan si tua tu! Kus, lemah semangat Ma!"


Sekarang ni, musim kahwin and musim tunang.

I have two true stories.

A couple was married without duit hantaran, just mas kahwin. Why? Because the bride's family is very wealthy, they didn't need the extra money, they can afford everything that was involved in that wedding. Noble people...

A father thought the man his daughter was going to marry is no match to her. He instructed him to provide an expensive duit hantaran. The man worked hard to grant the father's wish. On the wedding day, the father's heart softened after seeing his happy daughter and his new son-in-law, he returned half of the duit hantaran back to the son-in-law.

I used to think giving Quran as hantaran is cool. It is, afterall, The Holy Book and it is perfect to signify the day you embark the new journey as a humble wife. But from my observation, I've changed my mind. To me, the Quran is too sacred to be placed on a decorative pray, where sometimes ignorant people accidentally step over it or kick it. Besides, you have to make sure you have your wudhu' everytime you want to touch it.

From my basic knowledge, even when you are reading the Quran, the best place thing to do is to raise the Book above your belly button as a sign of respect. So, I prefer if the Quran is not a part of my hantaran. I like telekung better. :)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

kahwin kahwin

Makcik and auntie had a conversation. They wanted to matchmake me with a doctor.

"Doktor tu in his thirties, anak Dato', masa lapang suka tanam cendawan," said one of them trying to promote him to me.

I didn't look very impressed.

"Dia tanam cendawan tu bagus...Buat business...Maksudnya di situ, dia tak suka buang masa. Ada je benda dia nak buat. Bagus lah tu!" auntie said.

Makcik was trying to be funny, "Patutlah agaknya dia single lagi. Orang lain, masa lapang, cari girlfriend. Dia tanam cendawan. Entah-entah muka pun macam cendawan!" she chuckled away.

"Mom, there must be something wrong with that doctor," in the car, I told Mother what I thought.

I continued giving her my reasons, "Ma tahu tak, doktor laki ni banyak yang lembut-lembut. I rasa, mesti dia jenis lembut punya!"

"Ma tak pernah pun jumpa doktor yang lembut-lembut..." Mother tried to defend that stranger.

"Ma, dia tu doktor, bujang pula tu. Kalau dia tu bagus sangat, confirm dah ramai nurse grab dia awal-awal...Mesti ada something wrong! Dahlah hobi tanam cendawan! Tak cool langsung! Lembut, I rasa dia lembut."

"Alah, maybe dulu dia lembut, sekarang dah berubah kot..."

"Taknaklah! Nanti orang cakap, 'Eh, dulu aku ingat kau suka lelaki, akhirnya kau kahwin juga dengan perempuan...'" I laughed. No way I'm going to marry a guy with such history.

Of course, I wanted my boyfriend to hear about this. He must know that I'm hot on the market and I am not securely his. I have many 'eligible' suitors ready for me. Haha.

Makcik: Mengikut pengalaman kita kan, bila difikir-fikirkan balik, pilihan orang tualah yang paling bagus sekali. Kan?
Auntie: Eh, tak juga, cuba tengok Faridah* dengan Farid* tu. Keluarga juga yang pasang-pasangkan, tapi bercerai juga...

I agree, auntie!

Father thinks the reason I am with my current boyfriend is because I have no other option, ie: noone else is interested because of my attitude: "Kasar sangat, tak pernah berlemah lembut, laki pun lari..."

This is who I am, a lady with many flaws, and I am with a guy who loves me the way I am.

I am happy, shouldn't Father be happy for me too?

Monday, July 6, 2009

gathered info over last few weeks

A few days ago in the news: Unmarried woman and baby found dead on campus believed to be due to blood loss while giving birth.

I have seen women giving birth. Although I haven't experienced it myself, but to watch the process is already a sore. I also have a couple of friends who had to go into labour with strangers, without their husbands or parents by their sides, so I pretty much know how sad and painful it is to go through such beautiful significant moments in your life all by yourself.

Woman A: Kasihan dia...Cuba bayangkan lahirkan anak sorang-sorang dalam bilik, tak ada siapa pun tahu...(Sigh) Tak apa, at least dapat masuk syurga...
Woman B: Baby tu memanglah dapat masuk syurga, mak dia tu?
Woman A: Mak dia pun dapat masuk syurgalah juga. Mati masa beranak kan dikira jihad kecil.
Woman B: Ye ke?
Woman A: Ye lah. Tuhan nak ampunkan dosa dia. Sebab tu Tuhan ambil nyawa dia masa tengah beranak. Masa tu kan semua dosa dia Tuhan dah maafkan...

How lucky she is...Her taubat must have been accepted...

On another occasion, I overheard a boy crying, "But mom, it is not fair!"
The mother then pulled her son's hand and said to him, "Well, life is not fair, get used to it!"
The boy was about 5 years old.

A guy who is into fashion loves to make small talk with the salespeople.

Guy: Saya kalau boleh, dah tak nak pakai jeans Replay. Tapi bila saya tengok jeans lain, contohnya, jeans 7 for all Mankind, harap je mahal, tapi tak cantik macam barang Italy. US nak lawan Italy, US mana boleh menang! Kecuali jeans True Religion, itu memang cantik gila...

Salesperson: Kenapa you dah tak suka Replay?

Guy: Banyak sangat tiruan. Saya tengok mat rempit pun dah pakai Replay, Paul Smith...Kita yang biasa pakai ni, bolehlah kenal yang tiruan ke tak. Tapi orang lain tak tahu...

Salesperson: Betul. Replay punya sales pun dah banyak turun. Especially since recession ni. Tapi Malaysia, okay lagi sebab Singapore punya butik pun dah tutup. Jadi, orang Singapore pun datang Malaysia juga. Sekarang memang banyak orang tiru, ramai dah kena tipu. Orang beli dekat internet lah, tak boleh percaya semua tu. Kalau nak betul-betul real, datang sendiri ke butik.

Guy: Betul. Saya tengok LV pun, ramainya orang pakai...Kasut LV boleh dapat RM100 dekat Thailand tu...

Salesperson: Saya tengok LV sekarang, saya tak fikir Louis Vuitton dah, saya fikir Lost Vision. Hahaha...

Guy: Jahat betul orang China ni. Dioranglah yang banyak buat barang tiruan ni!

Salesperson: Jahat, memang jahat. Tapi kalau T-shirt biasa, saya pilih yang Made In China. Memang kalau orang tengok, cikainya Made In China. Tapi saya rasa, cotton China memang bersesuaian dengan kulit saya. Kalau saya pakai cotton Made In negara lain, tak sedaplah. Sebab orang China memang tahu cuaca Asia macam mana...T-shirt cotton memang saya cari Made In China. Yang lain, saya ban!

My boyfriend spent one whole day at Ducati showroom. He is in love with Desmosedici.

Boyfriend: You tahu, salesman tu cakap, harga dia RM600,000. Dah ada 2 orang beli dari dia. Dua-dua orang melayu...
Me: Ooohhh...Kayanya...Orang tua ke muda?
Boyfriend: Sorang tu dah tua...Dia tak beli number plate pun...Motor ni tak boleh bawa jalan, sayang, orang buat simpan dekat rumah je...
Me: Huh? Kalau macam tu, baik tak payah beli...Buat apa kalau tak boleh guna!
Boyfriend: Tak, sayang, maintenance dia tinggi...
Me: Ah, I tak kesah, kalau you beli motor, I nak naik juga!
Boyfriend: Hahaha, baiklah, sayang...Salesman tu cakap, orang tu siap bayar in cash...
Me: Kayanya orang tu...Kalau I tahu siapa, confirm I tinggalkan you....Dapat anak dia pun, jadilah...
Boyfriend: You tu memang mata duitan!
Me: (Laughs)

Current mission: Merempit to find that rich guy who paid in cash for a Desmosedici. Haha.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


I am home. It's difficult to connect with the cyberworld here in this house.

My niece who is 10 wears hijab to school now.

Me: Sejak bila?
Niece: Sejak awal tahun ni.
Me: Kenapa?
Niece: Dipaksa. Cikgu suruh.
Me: Kalau tak pakai?
Niece: Cikgu marah. Kita cuma tak pakai waktu sukan.
Me: Cikgu ke ustazah yang paksa?
Niece: Ustazah, guru agama.
Me: Ustazah garang ke?
Niece: Garang. Ada budak tak pakai, asyik kena perli dengan ustazah.

Me: Cakap dengan ustazah, ustazah mana boleh garang-garang!
Niece: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab ustazah tu guru agama. Kalau nak mengajar kena secara lemah lembut. Tak boleh paksa paksa orang.

I strongly think a teacher should teach the students by example. Kalau nak mengajar, biar secara berhemah dan berhikmah. Apa guna bertudung kalau perangai suka marah dan perli pelajar sendiri?

Still on the matter, it seems like beginning next year, JPA scholars will be chosen entirely on merits, meaning only the best students will get the opportunity.

I object.

Some students are late bloomers.
Some students could not afford tuition classes.
A good student doesn't necessarily need to score all As, some have talents in extra curicular activities.

There are many other8 reasons to be considered when choosing the best candidates, not just what is presented on paper.

I know a lady, who, for some reason, received two MARA offers and one JPA offer to sponsor her to study the same course.
She was in a dilemma, of course. So, she consulter her mom. Her mom helped her to scratch one offer off and now, it was between one MARA offer and one JPA offer.
Her dad, without hesitation, pushed her to take the JPA offer.
Her dad said, "Reject the MARA offer, so other poor Malays could make use of it. Don't waste the placement by JPA. Kita kena tolong bangsa kita, jangan jadi tamak."

Sorry for the jumbled up post, I've been thinking all sorts of things to be written here. I'd be more organized if the Internet is more accessible.

It looks like Mother has given me green light to be with my boyfriend. After three long years of patience, something is actually progressing.

Mother: Kamu dengan dia macam mana?
Me: We are good.
Mother: Dah fikir masak-masak? Nanti tersilap pilih.
Me: Sudah. Kesian dia. Dulu, dia nak bawa family datang rumah, mak tak bagi...
Mother: Mak bukan tak bagi. Mak cakap, nanti dulu...

Mother: Kenapa tak ajak dia masuk rumah? Ajaklah dia makan dekat rumah sekali sekala.
Me: Alah, kalau dia masuk rumah pun, bukan ada orang layan dia.
Mother: Macam kamu tak tahu perangai your father. Dia memang macam tu, tak berapa nak layan orang sangat...

Mother: Kamu tu, kalau jumpa orang, senyum-senyumlah sikit.
Me: Memang selalu senyum pun.
Mother: Kamu pandai-pandailah pujuk, cakap, "Mak ayah saya dah tua, nanti dia sakit, saya kena jaga. Kena tinggal dekat-dekat sini..."
Me: (Laughs) Memang tinggal dekat sini pun nanti!

Mother: (Flips through my forms) Sejak bila kamu ada tunang?
Me: (Laughs) Senang nak dapat kerja kalau mengaku ada tunang. Kalau tak, dia hantar jauh-jauh. Alah, kawan-kawan pun tipu ada tunang juga!

Friday, June 19, 2009


A part of me, likes it if my boyfriend stays at where he grew up. Everything is simple and modest and I want to raise my children in that kind of environment:

In a neighbourhood where you learn how to handle the jenazah since you were hardly a teenager, where gotong royong is still widely practised, where young boys and their friends go to the mosque and are trained to become Imam and Bilal, where you are surrounded by humble lives that make you hugely grateful even though you are not that rich, where little children get excited over a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, where nobody cares what brand of clothes and handbags you are wearing because they have never even heard about it, let alone know how to pronounce it.

I'd like to live there too. Helping out people. Giving out money instead of getting too caught up with work because whatever you have is never enough for you. Presently, we simply have to have more, don't we?

I'm glad that I've experienced both worlds of near extremes.

I know many people who never ride a plane before, people who got excited because it was their first time being on LRT, people whose dream is to go to Sunway Pyramid and buy something from that shopping mall.
Most of these people are nice, hardworking kind. The type who always have a dictionary in one hand, and whenever they watch an English drama, they would pause at certain times to search for the foreign word they've just heard in the dictionary for its translation, and then continue to enjoy the show.
The kind who swaps telur bistik for telur dadar because telur bistik is quite expensive for them.

The other extreme? Family owns a helicopter and bought 7 LV bags at one go.

When you put the two types of people side by side and I ask you, "Who is the more successful?" What will your immediate response be?

In my opinion, a success is a success and cannot be measured by how much you make every month. How shallow can you be if you judge the degree of a success by looking at the brand of the car one is driving.

Sometimes, I just want to tell these young people, "Walaupun kita miskin, tak semestinya kita tak boleh berjaya dan kita bukan orang berjaya."

Some people choose to live humbly like the Prophet. Right now, I choose to be just comfortable.
(Right now lah, in a few hours, I might change my mind and I want to be rich again. Haha. Nafsu.)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

under one roof.

Sometime last week, Father made me cry and then he cried as well.
After that, he accused Mother for being such a 'lalang' because sometimes she is on my side, sometimes she is on Father's.
My sister received a scolding too because she defended me during the ordeal.

So, there we were in a room, parents and daughters crying.

In the end, I left the place just to avoid further arguing and I didn't want to listen to the hurtful words coming out from Father's mouth, most of them were inaccurate anyway.

I walked and walked untul I saw a bakery shop and asked for a hot chocolate and a pastry to accompany me on a cold night. I thought of how my life will be doomed forever because Father had labeled me as anak derhaka. I came to accept that I will suffer in this life, tapi tak apalah, biar Tuhan balas anak derhaka ni dekat dunia, rather than He saves the punishment masa akhirat.

A text message from Mother was received, "Kamu dekat mana? Baliklah cepat. Jangan ikutkan hati yang marah. Baliklah. Lepas tu, minta maaf walaupun kita tak bersalah." I arrived back half an hour later, took a long shower and cried until I fell asleep.

I was supposed to move in with my parents but after that incident, I am determined to avoid home as much as possible.
Mother knew as I told her the day after.

My reason is simple: We can't live under the same roof. We'll end up fighting, as always.
That's why whenever I call home, I only talk to Mother.

Mother tried to coax me, "You know how your Father is. Takkan tak kenal lagi perangai dia...Dengan Abang kamu pun dia selalu bising, tapi Abang kamu senyap saja, buat tak tahu."

"Ma, mana boleh semua anak-anak Ma perangai sama. Salah seorangnya mesti kena berani bersuara!" And in this family, I am the condemned one, the black sheep, the rebel, the one who is brave enough to stand up for myself.

"Abang kamu pun kadang-kadang bersuara juga. Kadang-kadang dia tak ikut juga kata bapa kamu," Mother said.

We spent a few days later unusually quiet.

I asked my sister to be the middle man but she also gave up. "Biarlah dia. Bila dia tahu dia silap, nanti dia senyaplah," my sister smiled.

Saturday, May 30, 2009


My friend and I were talking about this other guy who always invite my friend and his friends to solat jemaah. Somehow, they find it annoying.
One day, my friend confronted him and told him, "Hey, I am not that kind who solat jemaah. I pray, but I just don't solat jemaah, okay?"
After numerous rejected persistency, this guy decided to go to the mosque to achieve his desirable solat jemaah.
But, he has a problem with the car pulak dah...
So, my friend said, "Nak buat baik memanglah banyak dugaan. Kalau sabar, baru dapat pahala lebih-lebih lagi!"

Eh, yeke? I thought nak buat baik lah paling senang...

I asked my boyfriend, "Do you love me? Even though I'm ordinary? Even though I'm an average person?"
He answered 'Yes' to all questions.
"Even though I cantik biasa-biasa? Pandai biasa-biasa? Baik biasa-biasa? Alim biasa-biasa? Masak biasa-biasa? Kaya biasa-biasa? There's really nothing special about me, nothing extraordinary...I'm not the best in anything and I don't standout."
Truthfully, I was feeling intimidated and inferior because I am really a biasa-biasa person. I know so many other people who have better lives than me, who I thought are way more perfect than I am.

My boyfriend told me something I needed to hear, "Sayang, semua tu hak Allah."

I felt a lot better after hearing his elaboration on that. Yes, all the things that sometimes we are proud of, even our parents, husbands, wives and children, they all belong to God and to God everything and everyone is returned to.

Tak apalah walau jadi an average Jane pun.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

the guidebook

My boyfriend was in Kelantan when nature called and he desperately needed to find the loo. The nearest loo he could think of was the hotel and he rushed there to dump his faeces.

Haha. Pergi hotel semata-mata nak berak.

Anyway, to enjoy his relief, he hung out at the lobby reading the newspaper. He saw an elderly white couple and he quickly said 'Hi'. (My boyfriend is very friendly and he could strike a conversation to just about anybody. I think I wrote before how he sent a couple of Germans he met on the plane to their hotel, just because...).

So, it turned out, the couple were from the Netherland and they were on a holiday. They were stopping in Kota Bharu for a few days before heading to Pulau Perhentian.

The lady asked my boyfriend, "Should I cover my hair when going around the city (of Kota Bharu)?"

"No...Where did you get the idea?"

The lady pointed her finger to the guidebook she was holding, "I read somewhere that I should."

Haha! Kitab mano mu baco nih!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Hello. I've been busy. Busy and happy and grateful. Hence the absence from this blog.

There are so many things I wish I could share here, but I can't. There is nothing major, though.

I am actually in the mood to write but there's nothing particular in my mind right now.

Let me think...


I asked my niece whether she wants to study in England when she grows up. She rejected the idea. The reason being, "Ada selsema babi. Takutlah!" Laaa...

I complained to my boyfriend that I owe God about 10 days of puasa nazar and I don't think I can complete it soon.
My boyfriend said, "Lain kali, ubahlah niat tu...Buat makan-makan untuk orang miskin ke..."
I thought about it for a while before concluding, "Mana I nak cari orang miskin? Sini tak ada, dekat kampung you banyaklah!"

And I'm glad he takes the advantage to do charity work every now and then in his hometown.

Last week, I received the most flattering and sincerest compliment from a trusted friend regarding on my voice and looks. I thought about this for days before realizing how vain I am. Why did I get excited about something physical which will fade over time? I refuse to let myself be shallow!

My friend told me about his married friend, B, who is having an affair with a married woman. B thinks it's not an affair.

Me: If it's not an affair, why does he have to make it a secret?
Friend: Good point.

The woman he is seeing, is his ex-girlfriend, now with two kids. The affair extends up to the point where the woman tells him where she will be for her family outing. B would be waiting in the same mall. The woman would then excuse herself from her family (basically, lying to her husband, leaving him with the two kids) to go to the loo but in the matter of fact, she makes a detour to see B.
The meetings usually last only for a few minutes.

To make matters worse, the woman claims that she's not happy with her marriage and B only recently got married. And the few-minute-meeting has now been upgraded to a lunch date.

Me: I feel sorry for B's wife. Bayangkanlah, baru setahun kahwin, husband pergi ada affair. I don't like this. I'm scared.
Friend: This is now very common in Malaysia, don't you know?
Me: I know. But that doesn't make it right. In that case, I'd rather belong to the uncommon group. Berdosa besar tau kalau tipu suami.
Friend: But B said it's nothing. They just talk.
Me: Sekarang ni, talk only lah. Lama-lama nanti...
Friend: That's what I told him. Get yourself out of this mess before it even starts.
Me: I know lah we don't ask for things like this to happen, but I am scared...I am scared that I'll become like that one day...You never know kan? Minta-minta dijauhkan...
Friend: Hmm...
Me: And we know I have the potential to become like that...
Friend: Yes, you do have the potential. Career kita ni memang ada huge risk not to survive marriage, especially when you are not with somebody who doesn't understand your work. I remember my mom's friend who got divorced because the guy said she didn't spend enough time with her family. Soon afterwards, she married her colleague.
Me: I don't like this kind of stories. Tukar topik lah!

Where are all the good blogs out there? You are my inspirations to write, so don't go missing!

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Money issue hadn't resolved yet.

According to him, it's not so much about the amount of money (because, during the conversation, I told him: Eh, I thought you don't mind about your moolah), what bug him the most are
- why me? The same thing over and over again!
- I'm so nice to other people, I don't deserve this
- he is a friend that I've known for so long, I trusted him
- what's wrong with me, even your parents are against me (I'm sure you know how sometimes when you feel the world is out to get you, you start to list all the bad things that are going on in your life)

I knew he just wanted to talk and he didn't need a lecture from me so I lent him my ears. After he calmed down, we hung up. I, then, typed a super long SMS, to remind both him and I, and I hope it would remind some of you as well.

Challenges come in many forms and one thing we can do to face them is by staying positive and patient about it.

Lets admit it, in our lifetime, we have committed many sins, intentionally or not. So, why don't we treat the unfortunate things that come in our ways as punishments or challenges from God.

1) As a punishment.
I know sometimes, we question, "Why me? I'm better than him, but why doesn't he get punished?"
Dear, how would you know he doesn't have his own sets of problems? He might be like you as well, who keeps everything inside because we refuse to let others see our weaknesses.
Be glad that God chooses to punish you now. God makes life difficult now because he wants to ease our lives afterwards. Have faith in God is fair, and those who have not yet received their punishments, theirs are waiting in Hell. If you were to have the options, wouldn't you rather be sentenced this way than be burnt?
So, don't think that being kind is not worth it. It always is.
And if you are really sincere in the things that you do, you shouldn't expect any kinds of rewards from anybody, even from God.

2) As a challenge.
I think we all know the same old, same old reasonings behind this. We have to face the challenge because God wants to know whether we would still love Him even when we are at difficult times in our lives. Be patient and by having the experience of overcoming challenges in our lives, we will become better people, the experiences will aid us in manouvering our lives in the future bla bla bla, I think I wouldn't bore you guys by elaborating more in this topic.
The core is: The better a person is, the more challenges he get. Tengok Firaun yang kejam tu, tak pernah sakit pun...

3) I also told him the stories I read in keretamayat.com under the title Apa itu tasauf? (Part 2):
One part of the post is about a man who had a worker. When the worker decided to quit, he didn't take his last pay. The man used the money to invest in a business and the business boomed. One day, the worker came to him to claim his salary, so the man gave the money and all the profits from the business and the worker left him with nothing. The man remained redha with the situation and because of that, God helped him when he was stuck in a cave with two other men.
Redha (acceptance).

4) Sometimes, we forget that as unfortunate as we think we are, there are other people who are way more unfortunate than us. But they don't whine about it, so why should us?
Let me tell you a true story about me.

In college and university, I had failed several papers. Early on (when I first got the results), I felt stupid and I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve that because I always attended classes unlike some of my classmates who skipped classes but still passed. After a while, I began to accept it and as the day of repeat exam was approaching, a friend and I (who had to repeat the exam as well) decided to practice for the exam together.

Just by watching her, you'd know she worked hard, you could see the amount of written notes she had (unlike me, I prefer to read what's available and do nothing extra- No wonder I was not an excellent student, haha). During that session, I told her that sometimes I felt like quitting the course because I wasn't prepared with the amount of work we had to do, nobody told me what to expect before entering the programme. (Actually, there were people who told me about it but they never sat me down and told me seriously into my eyes. Perhaps, they didn't want to dampen my spirits) She, on the other hands, said she never felt like quitting because that was her interest and she was still interested in becoming a and she kept telling herself that nobody would care about our results once we enter the professional world.

So, on the day of the exam, a handful of us sat for the exams. We, much or less received our results on the same day (not the marks, but we knew whether we passed or failed) and I passed but she did not.

I quickly left the waiting area together with the few other guys who passed the exam because we wanted to give some privacy to those who didn't to talk personally to the examniers. As I was walking with another candidate, he said something like, "Poor Jennifer, she looked like she studied hard for the paper..."

I cannot imagine being in her shoes.

On a happy note, during those occasional repeat exams I had sat, I even managed to get the highest mark a repeat exam could get. (We were not allowed to get Honours on repeat exams). To soothe my heart, I told myself that if it was not a repeat exam, I would have scored and beat others. Too bad I screwed up the first one. And mind you, it's not easy to study for repeat exams because the exams are usually not isolated from the usual papers we had to take every semester. So, instead of studying for, lets say, 4 papers, we had to study 5 papers or 6 papers (depending on how many subjects you had failed previously)

5) Sometimes, we just cannot control everything in our life. No matter how organized we are, no matter how much effort we have put in the planning, sometimes we just can't make things go as we like, because the world does not only revolve around us, it depends on other external factors too, external factors that we cannot control.
Therefore, if sometimes we feel like we had done everything correctly, we had done our best, but things still fail to go accordingly, we just have to tell ourselves that: Things happen.
And 'Things happen for a reason.'

Don't dwell ourselves too much into our problems. Look forward, let the past be the teacher, and live in the present. Hold your head high but keep your feet on the ground. Aim for the stars, if the stars are out of reach, at least you'd land yourself on the moon.

And for that, my boyfriend thanked me and issues are finally let go.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

trusting friends

My boyfriend just lost a huge amount of money because his 'friend' refused to pay him back.

He rarely shares his financial situation with me but this one was accidentally blurted out when I scolded him for being mad at me for no particular reason. He then felt guilty for making me his punching bag and began to tell me his problem.

Before we met, my boyfriend had been duped for several times and he never really cared about them because he was unattached during that time. This continued until the first few months he met me and I gave him a long lecture on how he should be more responsible in managing his money and I told him to stop trusting people too easily. "If you want to be serious with me, you need to start saving money for our future."

He obliged and suddenly, this happened. This is supposed to be a secret, I cannot tell anybody, but here I am telling you. Haha.

The reasons he doesn't want people to know are
- the person who 'borrowed' the money is a 'friend'
- he wants to maintain the friendship
- they share the same friends, so my boyfriend doesn't want to badmouth him to worsen the situation

I know men don't like it when we nag, but I couldn't help being nosy about it.

Me: Did you ask for your money back?
Him: I did. He said- "Oh, duit tu dah habis guna. Buat business tak pulang modal."
Me: Macam tu je dia jawab? Tak pulang modal pun, still kena bayar balik! Habis tu, you cakap apa?
Him: I nak cakap apa lagi...Malaslah I nak gaduh pasal duit.

Before I could say anything else, my boyfriend started to regret what he did, "I tahu you told me so many times before to make it black and white before lending money to people. Tapi I serba salahlah, kalau I suruh sign paper, orang cakap, dengan kawan pun nak berkira. Bila I bagi pinjam, tengoklah, jadi macam ni."

He whined some more, I pun mendengar je lah dengan setia, "Kenapa orang selalu tipu I huh? I tak pernah pun tipu orang. Itulah I nak kahwin dengan you cepat-cepat, I nak duduk dengan you, habis kerja, balik rumah, main dengan anak-anak. Kalau habis duit pun, habis dekat you juga. Kalau orang minta pinjam duit, I nak cakap- Bini aku pegang duit aku, I have no money, sorry, I can't help."

Me: Jahatlah your friend...Dia tak malu ke bagi anak bini makan duit haram?
Him: Dia tak kahwin lagi.
Me: Dia buat apa dengan duit tu? You tanak saman dia ke? You ada bank statement as a proof.
Him: Tak apalah. Duit saja. Mana-mana boleh cari.

He was really sad about it so I told him that he is too nice sometimes, he needs me to counterbalance his kindness because if I were him, I'd surely kick his friend's ass.

"Kenapa you tak tumbuk je dia? Do you want me to tampar him? Kalau tak dapat balik duit pun, at least puas hati! And I think I know which friend you are talking about!" I pun geram juga. I don't want to sound materialistic but the money was better off spent on me!

A few days later, I came across this really gorgeous pair of River Island shoes. I told him that if he bought me that shoes, I'd love him long time. Haha. "Don't you want me to love you long time?" I pleaded. Somehow, I ended up saying, "How come you never buy expensive gifts for me?!"

Him: Tak pernah?
Me: I baca satu blog ni, husband dia belikan 4-5 designer handbags every year.
Him: I tak kaya macam tu. You nak handbag ke?
Me: I nak kereta!

The moment I mentioned the word 'kereta', he became sad and said, "I geramlah bila ingat balik. Enam puluh ribu tu I boleh guna buat downpayment kereta tau atau boleh buat duit wedding," and he went on and on about it.

I understand his frustration, but he was the one who said it's only money and 'rezeki di mana-mana'.

Sudah-sudahlah tu.

Siapa suruh pandai sangat bagi a lump sum of money. Tipulah sikit, cakap, I can only give you ten thousands ke...Ni jujur sangat, helpful sangat. Inilah padahnya...

Lessons of the day:
- Baik hati biarlah secara bijak supaya tidak diperolokkan.
- Beli kereta dahulu sebelum memberi pinjaman pada orang.
- Anything to do with more than ten thousands ringgit must involve an official signed agreement.
- Ditch your useless friend before they ditch you after they use you.

I have less friends than my boyfriend but I dare to say my friends have qualities unlike his.
One of his former friends used to tell people that my boyfriend made me pregnant and I aborted the child overseas. Idiot.

Saturday, April 18, 2009


My boyfriend is convinced the person who cut a cow's leg while it was still alive was a drug addict.

I don't like to jump into conclusions, so I asked him why was he so sure, he said, "Kalau setakat nak mencuri, tak adelah sampai potong kaki lembu tu hidup-hidup! Menangis tuan punya lembu tu tengok lembu dia dah tak ada kaki."

Before this, there was an incident of a pregnant cow being killed, habis perut dia terburai. Cruel gila.

When a friend's sister was a kid, around 5 or 6 years old, she was being playful with a kitten and put the kitten into a jar (balang kuih raya!) and closed the lid. She then forgot about it and the kitten died. After a round of scolding, she felt bad about it and cried for days.

When I was a kid, during one rainy day, a snail came crawling to the porch of my house and my dad put salt onto it and I watched it died.

Then, I started schooling and my friends taught me to capture grasshoppers and put it in a plastic bag, and the person who catch them the most would win. I can't remember if we released the poor insects back to the schoolfield...Luckily, the trend didn't last that long. (Maybe because we made the population extinct and we moved on to collect pokok jarum emas instead)

According to psychologists, one of the first signs that a kid will grow up to become a psychotic criminal is the act of cruelty to animals, intentionally.

So, what's the worst thing you've ever done to an animal?

My friend believes that kids got abducted because it's God's punishment to their parents for separating mother cats from their kittens.
"Binatang pun ada perasaan juga. Sekarang baru diorang tahu perasaan hilang anak".


Saturday, April 11, 2009

teka teki no brainer

I was eating strawberries when I was reminded of this simple riddle:

Dalam banyak-banyak buah, buah apa bijinya di luar?

Without thinking (and overlooking the very obvious hint: me eating strawberries), my boyfriend answered: Buah zakar!


"Buah dada? The nipples tu kira biji lah," he guessed again.

"Ish, bukanlah! Jawapannya buah strawberi atau buah gajus!"

I think my boyfriend is currently ovulating or something, haha.

Sorry if I annoy you guys for writing too much about my boyfriend lately. It kinda annoys me too...Hehe.

Friday, April 10, 2009

no shame.


Him: I rasa hidung I ni mancunglah, boleh masuk pussy you...Hehehe...
Me: WTF?


Him: I tak takut kalau ada orang tackle you. Hidung diorang confirm tak boleh lawan hidung I...Kalau hidung macam orang putih, tak apa juga!
Me: Sekarang memang ada mat salleh tengah tackle I pun.
Him: Oh, fuck!
Me: Haha!


Me: You pergi tahlil malam tadi pakai kain pelikat ke?
Him: Yup.
Me: Ooh, sexy...
Him: I tak pakai underwear pun semalam. Haha!
Me: Tak senonoh! Kenapa you tak pakai! You confident ke you ikat kain pelikat tu ketat? Kalau kain pelikat you tercabut macam mana?
Him: Kalau kain pelikat I tercabut, terkejutlah semua orang...Tengok barang I besar! Hahaha!
Me: WTF!


Me: Hello, good morning.
Him: Good morning. I keraslah...
Me: Why are you telling me this?
Him: Sebab dia tengah mencari sasaran...Hahaha...
Me: WTF, sasaran?!

Now, that's why I think we should be married. He is getting too comfortable revealing his private's life to me!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


"Did I tell you about my mom who nearly kena ragut?" my boyfriend asked just now.
I gasped, "Oh, my God! When? What happened?"

"Ada orang nak ragut rantai emas dia. Kebetulan mak I ada pisau masa tu..."
"Eh, kenapa mak you bawa pisau?"

"Mak I nak pergi potong pokok pandan. Bila peragut tu nampak mak I ada pisau, dia terus lari!"


Friday, April 3, 2009

boyfriend dan *Ramli

As scheduled, my boyfriend is currently in the hospital. Instead of one minor surgery, he'll be getting two operations. The first went smoothly, next will be today at 3pm.

I feel bad because I'm not able to hold his hands or greet him with my sweetest smile as he opens his eyes or tell him not to be afraid (he's terrified with needles). But, I'm too far. His fault, he picked the wrong time. "But you told me to get better as soon as I can! And this is the quickest appointment I can get!" he said to me when I whined about it.

Me: I wish I can be there to help you pack your things.
Him: Tak apa...
Me: Don't forget your slippers, towel, toothbrush and toothpaste, shower gel, your mobile phone and the charger.
Him: Okay...
Me: Don't forget the most important thing of all!
Him: What?
Me: My photo!

Circumstances made us difficult to contact each other via phone. The nurses told him not to use mobile phones because it'd interrupt with the machine functions. I was warned about this beforehand, so the only way to be informed about his progress was via his bestfriend, *Ramli.

(I notice that I always give funny, exotic names to replace the characters' real names. Syndrome malas nak pikir nama, whatever comes to mind first, haha.)

So, I said to *Ramli, "Tell him that I'm sorry I can't be there with him to suap chicken soup but I miss him and I love him. Tell him that he'll be alright. Ah, and please kiss him on my behalf, muaah muaah dekat pipi dia, okay? Tell him to go to the canteen and call me! He is a patient, not a prisoner. If a smoker can do anything he can to smoke a cigarette, he should do whatever he can to reach me! Because he is supposed to be addicted to me!"

Two days after the first procedure, my boyfriend summoned enough energy to escape the ward and we finally got to exchange comforting words. Casually, I asked him,

Me: Did *Ramli send my messages to you?
Him: Yup, he said that you missed me.
Me: Haha, did he kiss you?
Him: He did! Did you ask him to kiss me?
Me: (OMG, I can't believe he actually did it and my boyfriend is okay with it. What kind of relationship is this, I do not permit!)
Me: He kissed you? What, is this normal between you guys? Didn't he tell you that I asked him to kiss you for me?
Him: Ish, apa you ni, kitorang mana biasa kiss-kiss ni! We were just goofing lah, tak kena pipi pun...And he told me you yang suruh dia kiss I...Sweetlah you ni...
Me: (So relieved)
Him: Pipi I untuk you seorang je lah!

Kesian my boyfriend, he is bored and lonely there. He remains low-key about his admission to the hospital, his parents don't visit him because they are too old to travel and I am away. The only person who pays him daily visit is *Ramli.

My boyfriend genuinely cares about *Ramli which makes me sometimes doubt about them. They've known each other for about 20 years and they see each other almost every single day. Even their mothers are friends!

One time, my boyfriend broke his promise to me. I was so upset and we had a huge argument. I questioned him, am I not important to you? He said: *Ramli needs my supports, I had to be there for him.

That's how special *Ramli is to my boyfriend.

They buy each other gifts, they wear the same size of clothes and worry not, they even have the same taste in fashion. "I tak payah risau kalau nak pesan barang dekat *Ramli, whatever he buys for me, I will like it sebab size and taste kitorang sama," my boyfriend used to say.

According to my boyfriend, when my boyfriend first met me and couldn't stop talking non-stop about me, *Ramli always agrees with him because *Ramli's girlfriend and I have similar backgrounds and personalities and our physiques look the same too. However, I have yet to confirm this because she is in another state and I never get to see her.

(I asked my boyfriend who is hotter, me or *Ramli's girlfriend and he couldn't decide. He is either
a- terlalu lurus bendul; I should be hotter because I am your girlfriend, idiot!
b- thinks if he says *Ramli's girlfriend is less hot, that means stabbing him for badmouthing his girlfriend
c- *Ramli's girfriend IS hotter than me because my boyfriend does not usually hesitate to compliment my looks)

Mereka berdua sangat comel dan kadang-kadang mencurigakan. Haha.

Updated: *Ramli parents and my boyfriend's parents went to see my boyfriend at the hospital. If my boyfriend and *Ramli were married, they would've 4 kids, the oldest being 17 years old.