Tuesday, June 16, 2009

under one roof.

Sometime last week, Father made me cry and then he cried as well.
After that, he accused Mother for being such a 'lalang' because sometimes she is on my side, sometimes she is on Father's.
My sister received a scolding too because she defended me during the ordeal.

So, there we were in a room, parents and daughters crying.

In the end, I left the place just to avoid further arguing and I didn't want to listen to the hurtful words coming out from Father's mouth, most of them were inaccurate anyway.

I walked and walked untul I saw a bakery shop and asked for a hot chocolate and a pastry to accompany me on a cold night. I thought of how my life will be doomed forever because Father had labeled me as anak derhaka. I came to accept that I will suffer in this life, tapi tak apalah, biar Tuhan balas anak derhaka ni dekat dunia, rather than He saves the punishment masa akhirat.

A text message from Mother was received, "Kamu dekat mana? Baliklah cepat. Jangan ikutkan hati yang marah. Baliklah. Lepas tu, minta maaf walaupun kita tak bersalah." I arrived back half an hour later, took a long shower and cried until I fell asleep.

I was supposed to move in with my parents but after that incident, I am determined to avoid home as much as possible.
Mother knew as I told her the day after.

My reason is simple: We can't live under the same roof. We'll end up fighting, as always.
That's why whenever I call home, I only talk to Mother.

Mother tried to coax me, "You know how your Father is. Takkan tak kenal lagi perangai dia...Dengan Abang kamu pun dia selalu bising, tapi Abang kamu senyap saja, buat tak tahu."

"Ma, mana boleh semua anak-anak Ma perangai sama. Salah seorangnya mesti kena berani bersuara!" And in this family, I am the condemned one, the black sheep, the rebel, the one who is brave enough to stand up for myself.

"Abang kamu pun kadang-kadang bersuara juga. Kadang-kadang dia tak ikut juga kata bapa kamu," Mother said.

We spent a few days later unusually quiet.

I asked my sister to be the middle man but she also gave up. "Biarlah dia. Bila dia tahu dia silap, nanti dia senyaplah," my sister smiled.


maman said...

dont be too harsh on your dad. it wont be always that you will argue with him. and argument only happen when you answer back. Just accept what ever that your dad say as an advice, terima apa yang baik, ignore apa yang tak relevant. there must be reasons for him to strongly feel about some matters. even my own parents are the same, and i always argue with my dad. now he is gone. and i tak sempat nak mintak maaf and ampun. while your dad is still alive. make peace with him, and sometimes, humor him a bit.
jangan terlalu ikutkan hati, then you might end up like me..

ectopy said...

yup. you are right. i wasnt patient enough, i guess. hehe...

Sue@Iza said...

hi there,
i just read bout ur dad. mak i pun slalu macam nie. even sekarang pun die merajuk tak nak cakap ngan i. agak tertekan bile parent macam nie. but ape pun jadik, diorang still our parent right.
i really can understand and imagine ur situation.