Thursday, November 5, 2009

i think i still know you and your family so well. too well.

We were so close, like sisters, the four of us. We thought our friendship would last a lifetime. We tried hard to keep it alive. But after school, the four of us went separate ways.

We were young and penniless, staying in contact like we used to was impossible. We met new friends, we embarked new adventures with different people.

One by one is getting married. I attended her wedding. I wanted to be a part of the group, but she has new bestfriends now and a bridesmaid I don't know who.

Nevertheless, I was happy for her. This is her now; the person I loved, the person I still love, because I was in her history and she was in mine. It was her day, her special day.

I was in her house which I hadn't stepped into for a very long time. I saw the familiar faces in her house: her mother, her father and her two brothers.

Her elder brother looked different, somehow. Older but simply not the same anymore. He wasn't like this before. His good looks remain but there was something missing. The sparkle in his eyes. The liveliness in his personality. The warmth of his presence. They are all gone now. I noticed my bestfriend hadn't spoken a word with him too.

I kinda knew what he had gotten himself into. But I shrugged it off. 'This is my bestfriend's brother, I knew him since I was a kid. It couldn't be...How silly of me...' My concious wanted to believe my suspicion was wrong. Just because I've seen so many, it doesn't mean I could tell one when I meet one.

Moments before the ceremony, my bestfriend looked so radiant. She was in her place. The handsome groom was near. Everybody anticipated the glorious event. All eyes were fixed on them. That's when I saw, at the corner of my eyes, a figure slowly manouvered himself out of the crowd, creeping up the stairs.

I was right. A loving brother couldn't possibly miss his sister's wedding, especially during the 'Aku nikahkan dikau...' Unlike her other brother, who was so involved in it.

I stopped questioning what I know. She doesn't have to tell but I know drugs has sucked the humanity out from her brother's soul.

It is such a pity, such a waste, for a smart, educated man, to fall into the dark, deep hole.

We are not as close as before for me to discuss something so personal with you. Even if we were, we were not as young as before, when we truly told each other everything and anything in this world. We are at the age when every word that's coming out from our mouths is being filtered by our brains first, before we said something regretful.
We learned that already. Because we've grown up.

Still, my friend, everything's going to be alright.

That was your day. Congratulations on your marriage. I'm glad you met your husband. I'm sure he was there when things got difficult, when I wasn't there. May you live happily ever after.

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