girly dilemma

Sometimes, I feel like I want to start writing about my wedding plans.

- I don't want a bridesmaid (because I'd have too many to be included and I don't want them all wearing the same colours. Too radical.)
- I don't want a majlis merenjis (Mother is against it too, she hates being put in the spotlight)
- If I don't want a majlis merenjis, why would I need a dais for?
- I want to make my wedding convenient for all my friends to come. That would mean to host it from day to night. But that means my friends wouldn't gather at a place at a time. No fun.
- I already have a design in my mind for my wedding dress, but it looks best in white, but I prefer it not to be white since I'll be wearing white for the akad nikah.

You know, girly things like that.

However...

- I don't want to get too excited about it just in case...
- I want my ceremony to be unique
- I want my anomosity to remain

Now, that's what I call a girly dilemma.




I don't know when my busy life is going to end. Mother and Father asked for the boyfriend's family to wait.

I don't understand why we need to wait. I mean, it's not like we are going to book a khemah and cater for food or anything like that. It will be a very small event, attended by immediate family members. I know from my side, it would be just me and my family. Nothing big. Just for the sake of adat. Just for the sake to make everything official. Just for sake to tell my parents that I AM SERIOUS AND CONFIDENT ABOUT THIS.

The date proposed by Mother and Father is not feasible for me. My leave will not be approved, even if I explain to my bosses that it's for MY merisik. Besides, my leaves are sacred to me (due to how limited they are) hence I'd prefer to burn them when I really need to.

I forced my boyfriend to bring it forward. My boyfriend agreed and contacted Mother.

Mother: I want to ask you again. Betul nak dekat dia?
Me: Betul.
Mother: Sebab kamu asyik keluar dengan lelaki lain.
Me: Tu kawan kerja la. I memang banyak kawan lelaki, nak buat macam mana.
Mother: Ma tanak kamu salah pilih. Ma tengok muka dia macam takde duit je.
Me: Kalau dia ade duit ke, takde duit ke, muka dia tetap sama.

Okay, that's settled.

Another thing, I don't know what to wear. My boyfriend bought a 4-metre silk textile a while back, but I hate it. I thought I could pull it off, convincing myself that I look pretty in anything I wear. So, I tried the cloth on me last night, it was still ugly. I hate it. So much.

I'd rather be absence from the ceremony than wearing that.

Me: I kena kerja. Mana ada masa.
Him: I nak datang ni bawa family I, you kena ada!
Me: Tapi ni merisik je. Do I have to be there?
Him: Habis tu?
Me: Lagipun I takde baju nak pakai.
Him: Kain yang I beli tu, bila you nak buat?
Me: I tak tahu nak buat design macam mana.
Him: Antara baju kurung atau baju kebaya?
Me: (Actually, even if it's been made into either, it still looks ugly and cheap) Baju tu tak sesuai buat kebaya. And tak cantik buat baju kurung.
Him: Nevermind, I'll ask my tailor design macam mana sesuai.
Me: Your tailor?
Him: Our tailor.
Me: (Still, like I said before, even if it's been made into either, it still looks ugly and cheap)

Can't I just buy and wear something else, something that would compliment and bring the best out of me!

Now, if you think we have a dishonest relationship, you are wrong.

I told him earlier, hours after receiving the gift, that I dislike it.

Of course, he couldn't accept it and the conversation became sour. "I had four girls picking it for you! Do you know how much did I spend for it! You senang-senang je kata you tak suka!"

Well, obviously the four girls had no taste.
And, if I don't like something, shouldn't I just say it? I mean, he is my very own boyfriend, not some bosses I'm trying to impress, thus he shall know exactly how I feel.

I felt guilty soon afterwards, so I apologized and I said, "I'm sorry. It's not too bad, I guess. I like it. I look good in anything, right?"

Deep down, I knew, I look ugly wearing it. Who am I kidding? Korang ingat I ni Nasha Aziz? Heidi Klum? Are you crazy!