kerja.

Wah. It's so nice of you guys to congratulate to me. Thank you, thank you, you guys are too cute. Congratulations to you too, for whatever thing you have achieved so far!

Sorry lah I rarely reply your comments. You know my problems, the Internet + the PC suck.

I eat so much nowadays.

Since McD launched Prosperity Burger, I have eaten nothing but Prosperity Burger everytime I have the chance to order from McDonalds. Tambah dengan McFlurry lagi, nak bubur lah, nak apple pie lah, I always end up having to pay the most among my friends.

Do you guys remember the McD advertisement, probably some 20 years or so ago: the McD clown mascott with his red shoes, singing the alphabets: Mc D O N A L D S, Mc D O N A L D S! I love it. I sing it to my nieces sometimes.

"You ni, makan banyaklah!" my colleague whom recently joined the department said as I munched away my french fries.

Colleague. Work. Work.

When I first started working, I was so enthusiastic, I gave my best in everything I did.

I made sure I came to work on time (I still do this) because I didn't want to 'makan gaji buta'. It's not so much about principle, but I am scared to gain 'rezeki yang haram'. Lets face it, I am not the most pious person, heck, I don't even wear a tudung, the least I can do is to care about these little and simple things that are within my capabilities of doing.

I'm not saying that I've never come late to work, I do, but I'd get all guilty and work overtime so the money that the organization pays me, is worth my work.

People at work often ask me, "Why?" Why do I come to work early. Why do I go home late. Why I never go for lunch unless I make sure everything has been done. Why don't I go take a nap. Why do I help my colleague even though obviously I've done more than him/ her. Why this and why that. I always end up smiling. I mean, can I tell them my actual reasons behind doing all these? I am no ustazah, I don't want to suddenly stun them with my personal views.

Kiranya, what I believe is macam, what you give, you get back la...

However, sometimes, I do get the feelings that the efforts that I put into my work is not appreciated and I don't get the respects that I think I deserve.

Whenever I have these thoughts in my mind, I quickly reflect the purpose I choose this industry. I choose it not for the money, not for the respect nor for the appreciation. So, why bother if someone treats me like crap and the money I get is shit?

There are two ways I look at it.

If my staff misbehave, I keep quiet, I think, "Patutlah kau ni kerja takat ni je...Buruk akhlak. Kurang ajar. Macam mana nak maju?"

If my bosses misbehave, I keep quiet, I think, "Belajar pandai-pandai pun tak guna. Buruk akhlak. Kurang ajar. Cleaner pun perangai lagi bagus dari kau. Buat malu je."

And I don't believe in instilling fear to get your workers becoming more productive. Someone should be approachable to generate interests. Nak marah pun agak-agaklah, kena ada adab. How disgraceful to point out your negative points in front of the clients. Not only it's unprofessional, kalau I jadi client pun, I tak jadi nak dealing dengan these kinds of people. Tak constructive langsung.

I first join this organization believing I wouldn't become one of the commoners. I still keep my mind judgemental-free and I vow to treat everyone the same. I don't care if you are VIP, if you know Datuk so-and-so, you still get in the line like everybody else, you get to cut the line like everybody else if ONLY there's an urgency! I don't care if you whine a lot, that doesn't necessarily mean it's an urgency. On the other hand, who am I to conclude whether you fake it or not, you are still entitled of my full attention and service, just be patient and wait for your turn.

One thing for sure, I don't care whether you to treat me like crap, and if you call me an idiot, I agree with you because I am still learning but trust me, you are still more idiotic than I am. Haha in your face.

Sometimes, I go home feeling all depressed. Everyday is almost similar, but on some of the days, I couldn't take it and I sob. I think it's the accumulation of the many days and so I have this episodes of lachrymology.

My boyfriend is very understanding and he helps a lot in order to make me feel better. He recites his wise words, he shares his own experiences and he even seeks his friends' opinions who work closely in this field.

The sad thing is, I have been advised, for so many times, that I shouldn't trust anyone.

Ah, yes, and how many new friends have I made since I've started working? Two, at most. The rest remains colleagues.

It's me. I work too hard that I don't have the time to get to know them better.

Because of this fear of makan gaji buta, I even feel guilty if I take personal calls during working hours and I never use the Internet for personal use. I do personal things if only I have time spared after I've done my work, which is very rare. And because of this, I have less bonding sessions with my colleagues, hence the less friends I make.

Kesimpulan dari semua ini? Takde.

Nak meluahkan je...