Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Actually, I wanted to post about this earlier but I was too sleepy. The next day, it had gone viral. Terus mati semangat nak tulis.

Tapi, malam ni rasa nak tulis balik. It's about domestic violence. Personally, I haven't encountered or know anyone who has been abused by their spouse. Somehow, I think it happens commoner than we think.

I always consider myself as a strong person. Until today, I don't depend too much on anybody else but myself. So, when I was younger, I thought if it ever happens to me, there'd be no thinking twice, I'd leave.

Which, made me wonder why those women can't do the same, I did not understand.

Now, having a family I call my own, I think there is a tendency for me to allow myself to become a victim, if it occurred to me.

Of course, you tend to give chances after chances to the man you used to love, the man who you think still loves you. How can you not believe his apology when he used to be your sweetheart. When you married him, you swore to be by his side, whether when it's up or down. How can you lose hope that this man will never stop hitting. Perhaps, when he sees his baby, he'd change.

And by the time you realize that he's dangerous, it's getting harder to leave. You've given up everything. You are too old. You don't have the heart to make your children grow up without a father. Perhaps, you teach yourself to accept it, because it is normal  now for you. He makes you believe it's your fault.

It's not as simple as packing your bags and leave, just like my younger, naive self would have thought.

Father was a strict, serious, fierce man, especially toward his team. When I was a small kid, he always received texts from his pager. He was always on the phone. Most of the time, he was yelling over the phone, scolding whoever he thought deserved, sometimes, using foul language.

One time, I was old enough to follow his conversation about work, he told Mother about one of the men under him who had marriage problems. He was being unfaithful, so his wife came to him.

Father was a strong believer that once your personal life interfere with your work, you are deemed unqualified. He used to say, if you can't be a leader of your own family, how can you lead others?

So, he carried out an investigation on that man, then, he produced a warning letter for him. He didn't get him sacked, but Father did not let him naik pangkat.

Now, before you think Father was biased against polygamy, he was not. He had another man under him with two wives, but the wives got along okay and sometimes, he brought both to attend events (which made Mother feel a little bit uneasy). No drama there.

So, when I first stumbled upon that FB post, I thought she should go to his boss. I mean, I've seen how Father dealt with it, and I thought most bosses would, you know, do something similar.

If AirAsia has not taken any action against that man yet, it is a shame.

When I read about the insensitive remarks about she membuka aib suami etc, it makes me sick in the stomach. At the same time, I am so glad there are other commentators who gave such strong hujah to defend that woman.

I can only hope I would never have to go through what she is going through. Can't say too soon that I have a wonderful husband, can I? People change, you know.

Mother was initially concerned about us having to do LDR. "Awak tak takut ke suami awak seorang dekat sana?"

I chuckled.

I have confidence in my husband, in me and in our relationship. If it happens, it happens. I don't know how I would react to it, but I don't want to think about something that might not even happen in the future.

As you all probably know, Baby K prefers him over me. When I balik kampung recently, Baby K would not let my husband go at all. Many commented on how rare it is for a child to be attached more to his father. I think, deep down, they must think how I suck at being a mother because when my husband is around, my husband would play with him, bathe him, tukar pampers etc...My job is to feed him and make the baby fall asleep when my husband fails to do it.

Anyway, just now, my husband and I were exchanging text messages about how cute our baby is.

Husband: Baby K tu manja sangat dengan Abang. Kalau dah besar sikit, Abang nak bawa dia balik, biar dia duduk 4-5 hari dengan Abang. Mesti dia  nak ikut.
Me: Ha ah, tak nak lepaskan Abang langsung. Manja sangat!
Husband: Abang kena sayang dia lebih. Abang dulu tak tinggal dengan ayah kandung, so Abang tahu perasaan tu.

With that message, I know Baby K and I are very lucky.

(On the other hand, I feel bad for my parents-in-law. My husband ni jenis pendendam kot...Dah 40 tahun oiii...! And he still can't get over the fact that his biological parents gave him away. And to not just anybody, to their relative, who was childless at that time, and who still treats my husband like their own! Sudah sudah lah tu...And yet, when you think it's harmless to a child, you don't know how much it scars your child for life, sampai ke tua husband I tu trauma)


Dils said...

It is the feeling of not being wanted. I can understand some of the feeling.

Lady Mira said...

well... sometimes we just cant believe our husband's 100%. Their character with us when they are around us/family members are totally different when they're with their friends/strangers.