Apparently, we are not the only couple who fight about this.
I have a married friend who one day, came to work looking glum.
Then, she told me that her life after marriage is not all flowers and candies.
I asked her what was wrong, so she spilled to me about her stingy husband.
Her husband makes, on average, 6 digits monthly salary. He's young and successful but he is very protective about his money. My friend wants her husband to buy her this and that, but her husband said, "Why can't you use your own money? You are working and make good money as well."
How could he compare, someone who makes less than RM10k per month, with someone who earns hundred thousands of ringgit per month!
Anyway, this husband sometimes left a RM50 not to my friend in the morning, which my friend commented, "My father also gave me RM50 when I was 17! I feel like a schoolkid! He is so rich, but RM50?!"
I understand where she's coming from. It's not about the amount of money that he gives, but the generosity. Why does he let his wife ask when he can simply give without being asked to?
My friend however feels bad herself, "Perhaps I am tamak. It's probably my fault. I am asking too much, am I?"
I tried to be diplomatic, I really don't want to take sides, so I said, "Come on, I'm sure your boyfriend spends on something. My boyfriend always spends on his jeans and clothes."
"He spends on his gadgets. Our house is very canggih one. But that doesn't count."
"What about cars? You can choose whatever car you choose to drive, right?"
"Yes, but there are all under his names."
"Next time, when you go shopping, you just ask. Maybe he's the type who needs to be asked."
"I ask many times. He does buy me things, but after much of nagging and eventually reluctantly buy the designer handbags I want. He could afford them, but why is it so hard for me to get them?"
"Maybe he was raised not to spend so much. He wasn't all the time rich, I assume?"
"Yes. His family wasn't very well-off until he started this business."
"See...That's why...Look, why don't you ask for something that you guys can do together. Like go have vacations or something."
"I tried! He doesn't want! I don't mean to brag, but we could go to London every week if we want to, but nak pergi sekali setahun pun dia taknak! We could have stayed in a nice hotel, but he'd choose a simple 3-star hotel."
I finally gave up and said, "Next time, you tell your husband, you simpan duit banyak banyak nak buat apa hah!!!"
She smiled a bit. "It's not so much about the money, you know. It's just that he is the husband. He has the responsibility to take care of me. He is the one who is supposed to support me. I don't feel like I am married. I love him. But...I don't know lah. Maybe we got married too young."
"What about your birthday?"
"I don't get anything for my birthday. And our anniversary is coming up. I don't whether I have the mood to celebrate it. Why must I buy him a present when he doesn't buy me anything? I don't care, next time, I am going to ask for the most expensive diamond ring and he better buys it to me!"
Isn't it ironic that people who have loads of money, fight about money?
I hope my boyfriend realizes that I love him whether he is rich or not. I hate it to be extra careful in my conversation just so he doesn't get overly sensitive if I talk the material world.