I tak jumpa doktor lagi.

I don't know when I should actually take a one day leave for my first scan. Dekat mana pun tak plan lagi. I don't know whether my husband can accompany me. If he could, I don't know how we should act. Should we be cool, or embarassingly excited first-time parents, would my husband say the strangest things to the doctor, or would I be crying to listen to my baby's heartbeat? Right now, I do talk to my baby sometimes, but it feels like it's imaginary, but I am sure it would be a whole different feeling once I know my baby is so alive inside of me.

I am buying a new a facial product. The most expensive I have tried so far. If it worked, I wouldn't know whether it's the product or it's the hormone. I would be happy either way, haha, hopefully it will work lah. I don't have perfect skin, malah nak near perfect pun jauh sekali, malah muka I bertompok-tompok dan berlubang-lubang, berkedut kedut dan ber eye bag besar, but I tak adalah sampai tak ada keyakinan nak menghadapi hari hari mendatang kan. I know some people would go depressed if they had my skin, I am glad I am comfortable with it. Terlalu comfortable sampai suka picit picit jerawat. Tapi tetap syukur lah sebab at least masih berkulit.

I am so tempted to shop. Banyak sale kan sekarang ni. But my Internet ni lembab, tak tau lah sebab hujan ke atau sebab service provider yang hampeh. But come to think of it, if I were to shop with my current size, I will definitely get bigger soon and I don't know whether I can return to my normal size post delivery. What if I can't, OMG, nanti bazir je baju-baju baru kan....Pasrah je lah dengan baju lama...

Did I ever tell you about my husband's obsession dengan designer shoes? Okay, tak adalah obsess, but he has huge interest it them. Anyway, one of the shoes macam rosak tapak. So I told him to bring them back to the store to fix them. Apa guna beli mahal-mahal kan? Husband I ni pun satu, tau beli mahal-mahal, tapi bila nak pakai sayang. Jaga kasut macam jaga anak kucing. Sayang sangat...Tak boleh lah kotor sikit, siap massage bagai dengan leather cream lah, etc etc. Baik tak payah kan...

Anyway, when I suggested that he bring back the shoes to the store, dengan selambanye he said, "Hey, mana ada orang buat macam tu...Kalau rosak, dahlah..."

Oh, as the Financial Minister of this family, I refused to accept that. So, what's the point of spending so much money on a pair of shoes? I pun Google lah...Then, I stumbled upon a thread, one of the forum members said this lebih kurang, "Designer shoes don't mean quality shoes. They are fashion shoes. Once they are worn out, they are meant to be thrown away. It's time for you to buy a new pair, not meant to be passed down for generations."

Me: WHATTTTT!!!

Habis tu, selama ni...??? Rupanya semua kasut kasut designer tu tiada nilai melainkan a fashion statement? WTF!

No more, no more!

Except for handbags (for me)! Haha. Sebab handbags lain cerita...Handbags definitely boleh turun temurun, lagipun handbag kalau rosak you can always bring them back to the store and try to fix them, with or without fee, tak pun, you bawak je pegi spa for handbags tu...

After so many years of living, only now I found out that shoes are not good investment. Patutlah I tak minat kasut mahal kan...Tetap duduk di kaki dan dibawa masuk toilet juga akhirnya...

It's better to spend on watches, or cars, or properties.

Before I end this post, here's a reminder to myself, a conversation with my boss:

Boss: Kerja untuk apa?
Staff: Nak duit.
Boss: Kalau kerja untuk duit, dapatlah duit. Sekarang mana ada orang nak kerja sebab dia suka kan...Contohnya doktor, awak rasa ada doktor nak kerja sebab nak merawat pesakit?
Me: Ada...
Boss: Tapi kalau dia tak dapat gaji, mesti dia mogok kan? Kalau gaji tak cukup pun dah kecoh...

Boss: Abu Bakar merupakan seorang khalifah. Perdana Menteri lah kiranya. Tapi dia tak ada harta pun. Sebelum dia meninggal dunia, dia panggil Aisyah. Dia cakap pada Aisyah, "Aku tiada harta untuk ditinggalkan pada mu, melainkan tiga benda
- seekor unta
- sehelai tikar (ala-ala tikar mengkuang kot)
- dan sepersalinan pakaian sembahyang

Boss: Kerja yang paling besar tanggungjawab ialah menjadi pemimpin negara. Perdana Menteri. Mungkin juga kerja yang paling banyak dosa.
Staff: Kenapa?
Boss: Waktu zaman Omar Al-Khattab dulu, dia sangat takut kalau ada orang complaint. Satu hari, ada unta jatuh, dia menangis sebab takut mendapat balasan Allah. Awak tahu kenapa?
Us: Kenapa?
Boss: Sebab dia takut unta tu jatuh disebabkan dia tak buat jalan tu betul-betul. Sebab itu dah tanggungjawab dia.
Cuba bayangkan kalau sekarang ni, awak tengah naik motor, lepas tu awak jatuh motor sebab terlanggar lubang. Awak rasa awak nak saman kerajaan tak? Padahal jalan tu kerajaan yang buat. Dan kerajaan tu dipimpin oleh Perdana Menteri. Sepatutnya salah Perdana Menteri tu lah punca awak jatuh, sebab dia tak betulkan jalanraya. Itu tanggungjawab dia.
Kecuali kalau Perdana Menteri tu dah berusaha bersungguh-sungguh, tinggal tawakkal je, dah habis cara dah elak, dan dengan kudrat yang dia ada, dia tak dapat nak elak masalah tu. Maka itu mungkin dimaafkan.
Tapi sekarang ramai orang nak jadi Perdana Menteri. Tak takut pun...

Boss: Masa Omar jadi pemimpin, dia miskin. Sampailah anak dia menangis sebab miskin sangat.
Omar kesian tengok anak dia, lalu Omar pun berhajat nak minta kepada Baitul Maal, nak pinjam duit, nak beli baju baru untuk anak dia.
Dia pergi ke Baitul Maal, Omar cakaplah dia nak pinjam duit.
Orang Baitul Maal pun cakap, "Boleh. Tapi bila kamu boleh pulangkan duit ini?"
Omar cakap, "Aku pulangkan esok."
Orang Baitul Maal cakap, "Boleh. Tapi adakah kamu yakin kamu masih hidup esok?"
Terus Omar tak jadi pinjam duit. Dia takut. Biarlah anak dia pakai baju buruk. Sebab mati itu pasti dan bila-bila masa pun kita boleh mati, kita tak tahu.
Orang zaman sekarang banyak berrhutang, dan tak takut kalau dia tak dapat langsaikan hutang tu.

The end.
Okay, cukuplah muhasabah untuk hari ni! Boss I memang alim pun, bagus jugaklah dia boleh dakwah sikit pada I ni.

I shall begin my post with complaints, lots of them.

I missed work because I felt so tired. That was the first time ever. The last time I took emergency leave was when Father passed away and that was completely legit.

Last week, my name was listed for a course and I sat and listened for two sessions only. Then, I excused myself and slept in the surau. I showed up during lunch, and fortunately, managed to stay awake until 4pm.

Never in my life before that I keep thinking about quitting my job.
My husband, as usual, is against it. He said I can change job, but not quit altogether to become a housewife. Dia cakap rugi. Lagipun I banyak hutang lagi tak langsai.
Hmmm...

My house is so dusty, I need my robot vacuum now!

There's a pile of clean clothes in the living room waiting to be folded and tucked away in the closets.

I rarely cook nowadays. Even if I cooked, I wouldn't be able to finish my meal. I eat a lot of junk food so frequently, I know that it's not good for the baby but that's better than not eating at all.
My husband cooked Maggi on two occasions, and he got mad after the second one, he let me sleep in the hall because I didn't prepare dinner for him. The next morning, he said sorry. Hehe. Kesian tau baby and I kena denda!

Nak keluar makan pun is like a chore for me. I don't feel like dressing up. And it rains all the time!

I think my baby is a boy sebab dia malas, OMG! And they say you are supposed to glow during pregnancy, I'm not experiencing that, oh no, jerawat banyak gile.

When I first found out I am pregnant, it felt weird, like, nak pergi kencing berak pun kena sopan sebab takut baby terkeluar. Nak bersin pun tak puas. Thank God that only lasted for a while. Now I can do my business as per usual, no biggie!

But, tingkahlaku masih perlu dijaga. Like, I can't watch horror movies suka suka hati, because, well, they say it's not good for the baby. Lepas tu tak boleh terkinja kinja nanti baby ikut perangai tak senonoh. So, I am hoping I will read a lot during my free time, just because I want to have a smart baby lah okay. No more MTV tengok orang bogel.

Tapi, I am easily irritated lah. I was irritated by one of my colleagues, yang I rasa dia bodoh but actually, dia tak bodoh pun, yang bodoh tu orang tengah yang told me wrong information! I specifically told my colleague to arrange some stuffs, then the middle person simply said she didn't do it, I mestilah rasa annoyed kan, then when I went through the papers, she did do what I asked her to, lepas tu I marah lah sebab rasa rugi masa I annoyed dengan orang yang tak bersalah secara tak tentu pasal kan!

Lepas  tu I rasa annoyed lah dengan middle person ni lah kan. Like, I cannot trust her at all. Benci ah, dengar suara dalam phone pun tak tahan. I think a lot of time I snapped at her. Seriously, I rasa macam dia ni perangai perasan bagus, but when I re-assess, it's completely different from what she said! Tu pasal I tak suka...Sebab suka call I straight macam bagus sangat, rather than consulting with her superiors first.

Lepas tu I rasa annoyed dengan one of my staffs yang I rasa berlagak. Wah, mentang-mentang baru balik dari Australia. Dah lah perasan comel, perasan disukai ramai, lepas tu kaki membodek, OMG, I tak tahan okay. Dapat pulak boss yang suka melayan kan, nak ambil buat menantu lah, please lah...I dah lah tak suka dia kan, so mestilah nak minimise kan contact dengan dia, but she likes to question my orders.
And, she calls me by my first name! Okay, fine, she just got back from Australia, probably that's how they do it there, yeah, I know too, I pun pernah pergi overseas jugak, ingat dia sorang je ke? But then, rupa-rupanya dah dekat setahun balik Malaysia, susah sangat ke nak adapt cara orang Malaysia bekerja. I just think it's disrespectful lah okay, even though she is not so much younger than me. So what? Mana boleh you call I, acting like we are friends, when for the matter of fact, I am your superior!

The good thing is, a lot of my colleagues have problems with the same girl. One guy siap rasa nak bagi penampar dekat dia sebab gedik sangat. Haha. Tapi minah ni memang completely oblivious lah yang orang tak suka dekat dia. Dia ingat semua orang suka sangat dekat dia, siap ajak makan lah, apa lah...Oh, please! Ye, orang pakai tudung labuh, gelak tutup tutup mulut, pun boleh menjadi seorang yang gedik dan attention seeker, okay.

See, I can't even stand the thought of her sampai boleh bebel panjang-panjang dekat sini.
Cukup, sudah, enough, end.

Moving on...

-----

Before my pregnancy was confirmed, I received a news about my staff who was heavily pregnant with her third baby, and lost her husband. Her husband is only 35 years old, and she was 9 months pregnant. When she heard the news, siap dapat contraction pain lagi, like OMG, I can't imagine being in her shoes.

One week before that, my cousin and her 18 months old daughter lost their husband and father. Yang ni mati mengejut siap kena autopsy. Dahlah duduk negara orang. Strangely, my husband and Mother had the same reaction, "Syukur, bertuah dia mati dalam Islam." I punye pemikiran pendek je, like, kenapa dia matiiiiiiiii...!!!

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Before I end this post, I want to share something funny about my friend,

Nadia and Suraya are housemates. Nadia is Ali's girlfriend. Diana is our friend who always hang out with them.

Ali: Suraya beli baju kurung online. Masa mula-mula baju tu sampai, diorang exited gila!
Me: Oh, yeke? Cantik tak?
Ali: Mula-mula, Suraya try pakai baju tu. Okay, cantiklah...Lepas tu, Diana pula try baju tu. Cantik jugak....Lepas tu Nadia punya turn pulak. Longgar okay, dia tak ada boobs! Flat!
Me: (Slaps forehead)

Good thing that Ali has proposed to Nadia, yeay! Chewaaah, tak ada boobies pun masih sayang, itu barulah cinta sebenar...

I may not be able to attend their wedding though, masa tu I tengah berpantang, sakit celah kangkang.

My husband was sick for a month, he practically took Panadols every day and went to bed early. I, on the other hand, was feeling tired AND hungry all the time.

I felt fat. But, I can't be fat, I just climbed a mountain two months ago!

I finally decided to check my urine, for the first time ever in my life, Alhamdulillah, it showed positive.

I hope I am doing the right thing:
Announcing that I am pregnant.

I thought of waiting until I reached the third month, but I can no longer participate in some of projects/ procedures at work due to my condition. I had to tell my superiors, words went around quickly. If colleagues already know, why should I keep it from families and friends?

One day, while waiting for food at a restaurant, I read on the Internet about symptoms of pregnancy. The website mentioned feeling fatigue. From then on, I became more and more tired especially in the morning! It is so hard to wake up in the morning. I don't whether this is just psychology or it is real, but it's quite embarassing because I just can't cheer up in the morning. My bosses have to see my grumpy face, my fake smiles, and I can't even stand for a very long time. It seems quite rude actually to grab a chair and sit instead of standing with your bosses. Urgh.

Nevertheless, I am happy. I didn't expect to get pregnant only after 1 and half year of marriage. I thought I would have to wait until the third year or something. I am really, really glad that my husband let me paraglide when my friends and I went for that holiday trip.

My last post sounds so serious.

Well, my husband is not home so I got to cook and eat Western food! My husband doesn't do Western food as main course, tak kenyang, he said. Dasar perut Melayu tulen.

Just now, I tried a recipe from Tyler's Ultimate! Nyumm...Chicken nugget with apple and parmesan cheese butter sandwich. Sedap, mudah malah berkhasiat!

The chicken nuggets were supposed to be bacon, and I replaced the supposedly green apple with the red ones. I can't remember what kind of cheese we were supposed to use, but the Parmesan was the only cheese available in my fridge.

Reminds me of a panini I once tried.

I should've taken a picture lah!

-----

I've been wanting a Robot Vacuum since forever.

As you know, I am such a couch potato. To summarize, I watch everything on Astro channel 701 until 729.

Last year, I watch the Clean House Award show. It was to celebrate Clean House 100th episode and they basically gave away awards to home owners who manage to keep their house clean and humiliate those who returned to their old ways.

The grand prize winner was these gay couple. During the ceremony, videoclip was shown on how they did it, "Our secret is...The robot vacuum! They did the work when we go to work."

Semenjak hari itu, aku bercita-cita besar...But I never came across any in the stores. So, I gave up and forgot about it. Besides, I figured it must be damn expensive.

Two weeks ago, my friend posted a video on Facebook about his new toy, the robot vacuum.

I terus terkenang-kenang setiap malam, well, especially when I see my dusty floors and when I was about to do house chores. Went online and fell in love with the Rumba. After much research, I find it's the best one but it's expensive.

I thought of waiting for the Boxing Day sales, but then, there is this Groupon promotion going on. Macam tau-tau je kan...

It's damn cheap, not the one I wanted, not smart enough to charge by itself when the battery goes low but...After our discussion, since this is a trial thing for us, why not? And it's cheap, what do you expect kan? Better to buy the basic one, and see whether we like it, than buying the expensive thing and end up not using it/ rosak.

I hope I won't complaint about doing house chores no more!

Before the Groupon deal,

Me: Abang! Nak robot vacuum! Harga dalam RM800 je...
Husband: Mahalnya vacuum!
Me: Mana ada...Kalau you amik orang gaji pun harga RM800 sebulan. Baik beli vacuum, kan kan kan?
Husband: Hhmmm...

Pandainye I!

Went to the bookstore and came across one book which author's name sounded familiar.

It was the old doctor that we met during our adventure two months ago! My, oh my...She's such a contributor. I read the section "About the Author" and saw a long list of charity work that she had been involved with in different countries, and the numerous posts she held before she retired from the government.

Impressive...

But at the same time, I felt inadequate and ashamed of myself. What have I achieved so far in my life? Is my life a waste of time?

It's the exact same feeling when I browsed through Afdlin Shauki's Facebook page. He's there, physically in Gaza, witnessing the sufferings of the people, constantly raising awareness. And what am I doing here?

But then again, we must remember that Allah is fair. Not everybody will die a Syahid, but that doesn't mean the things we choose to do, or, the things we are able to do, are not taken into consideration. Not everybody is designed for war, but who says we can't help even though we are far? Who says his job as a janitor is less noble than his job as a Mujahid?

Okay, not going to go much further into that...

I have a Jewish friend. Just one. He also flew to Israel, trying to fight for what he thinks is right. We used to study in the same group in university. He was nice and friendly, one of the people I could talk to despite our age difference.

I know a lot of people hate the Jewish blindly, not because of what they do, but because of the majority of the people of the same race do. Personally, I think that's wrong because comparatively, that's just like the Americans who hate the Muslims just because we are, regardless if we do or do not support the act of terrorism.

When I was in university, I used to attend talks organized by our Muslim communities, because, well, I had time and, I have this habit of saying Yes to everything Ilmiah. If I'd say no, I'd feel guilty. I mean, what kind of an idiot am I to miss free Pahala just to sit in a Majlis Ilmu.

The funny thing is, once I am back in my home country, I am no longer being invited. Perhaps I am hanging out with the wrong kinds of people. Or perhaps, in Malaysia, once you don't cover your Aurat, you are judged automatically, not qualified, or people simply think you are just not interested.

But underneath it all, it is me who needs to be blamed. I don't seek for it, so how dare I expect people to spoonfeed me.

Anyway, this reminds me of the Jewish people I met during one the the talks

The people I met were the true believers. They are against the oppression and the occupation of Palestinians.

Because of that, I still find it hard to hate the Jews as a race, I'd rather hate them individually. Being optimistic, I believe that there must be a few Jews out there who have the hearts, who have the conscience within them, that killing women and children, bombing schools and hospitals, are wrong and absolutely immoral.

Do you know who I hate the most? The imbecile people who justify what Hitler did to the Jews. Killing is only permissible if it was to protect ourselves. Hitler killed people mercilessly, innocent and even the weak. It is not the same like the Palestinians who killed the Jews in the name God, to fight back, to protect their land. It is just not the same. And if you think what Hitler did was right, you are downright cruel like him. You don't know history, you are just lucky to be born at this time, lucky to be born a Muslim, so stop being ungrateful, stop being an idiot.

I selalu berebut tengok TV dengan husband. My husband asyik tengok sports channel je...Kalau semalam dah tengok, hari ni ada ulang tayang pun boleh tengok lagi, excitement sama level. I pun pelik. Kalau I, I tak suka buat kerja dua kali. Kalau dah tengok satu episod, dah lah, tengok cerita lain pulak.

Hari ni ada kursus, so balik rumah awal. Dapat tengok TV tanpa gangguan. First time tengok The Challenger Muaythai. Sebelum ni tak pernah rasa nak tengok pulak. Rupanya buat dekat Malaysia and ada Malaysian contestant. Lepas tu dia sembahyang pulak tu, jadi I suka. Hehe. Ada contestant dari Thailand. Dia menang last week, hadiah dia dapat jalan-jalan pergi iCity. Ek eleh, iCity...Haha!

I ni semangat Asia sikit, akibat kena brainwash dari zaman Dr. Mahathir, dasar pandang ke Timur. Jadi, apa-apa, memang I support orang Asia. Tak hairan lah dengan orang putih, kita pun hebat apa! Tapi I tak lah obses, I masih guna English, ada juga barang I pakai Western brands...

Lepas tu I semangat orang susah. Kiranya, I lagi respect orang-orang yang berjaya yang datang dari keluarga susah dan miskin...

So, anyway, Faizal dari Malaysia tu menang kali ni, kalahkan Jesse dari Canada. I harap Faizal menang USD100000 tu, tolong adik beradik 11 orang. I bet orang putih tu semua macam, fuiyo, ramainya adik beradik engkau Faizal! Haha!

-------

Beberapa minggu lepas musim orang balik Haji.

Bersempena itu, I asyik teringat dekat arwah Daddy saja. Dia meninggal 4 hari lepas balik Haji. Dia  batuk-batuk, ingatkan batuk-batuk biasa. Tak sempat sampai ke hospital pun, meninggal dalam tidur.

Lepas tu saya baca blog Cacah, http://directlyme.blogspot.com/
Dia pun baru kehilangan ibunya yang baru pulang dari Mekah. Jadi saya pun tumpang sedih.

Jadi saya doakan haji mereka semua mabrur dan mereka dapat berehat-rehat dalam Syurga.

--------

Hari tu, I attend wedding kawan I.

Anyway, first time I pergi wedding yang ada drag show y'all! Haha. It was so much, a lot of screaming and dancing. Actually, pengantin tu kena prank oleh rakan-rakan pengantin lelaki. Tak guna betul. Konon ada special performance, tengok-tengok yang keluar drag queens yang inappropriately sexy gila, nyanyi sampai lima buah lagu.

Lepas tu, biaselah, drag queens kan attention whores, dia pergi 'boobbanging' dengan pakcik-pakcik, yang kepala botak kena usap. (Bukan headbanging, tapi boobbanging). Menjeritlah kami...Lelaki-lelaki di meja kami dah ready kaki, kalau datang dekat nak lari. Tapi I tahu, dalam hati meronta-ronta nak dibelai kan...Haha...

Last-last, pengantin lelaki pula buat Gangnam dance untuk pengantin perempuan. Comel.

Dulu, I pernah attend wedding yang I rasa inappropriate jugak sebab ada dancers pakai skirt pastu I don't know lah, memang tak kena...Tapi yang ini lagi over!

I juga pernah attend wedding yang ada magic show...Like, apakah! Circus ke apa, ada magic show pulak. The magician siap promote suruh beli buku dia.

Tapi itulah trend masa kini. Semua orang pun nak wedding yang lain dari yang lain, nak extra special, nak yang memorable. Jadi kreatif.

Recap balik, I dengan husband I kan datang dari dunia yang berbeza. Jadi, rakan-rakan kami pun dari dunia yang berbeza. I selalu kutuk kawan my husband sebab I rasa diorang tu sesuatu laaa....Haha, tak semualah tapi...

So, komen dari husband: Kawan-kawan you ni peliklah, Ectopy!

Eh, kawan I tak pelik okay, kawan you tu yang kampung, not fun at all!

--------

Oh, I dah collect dah hadiah yang I menang tu. Dapat 3 bags in total. As long as they are free...!!!

Satu tu iPad organizer, which, well, I tak ada pun iPad tu.
Satu lagi tu dapat baby bag, which, well, I tak ada baby pun.
Satu lagi tu passport holder and bag tag.

I beritahu kawan I, dia cakap, "Itu tandanya you kena beli iPad and ada baby cepat-cepat!"

Ye lah tu. Dulu I percaya juga dengan tanda-tanda ni. Kalau letih sikit, I ingatkan mungkin dah lekat. Kalau rasa nak muntah sikit, I ingatkan dah pregnant. Kalau demam sikit, I ingatkan mengandung dah.

Eleh, semua tu emosi je!

Haritu, dekat Facebook, ada orang ni tulis, "Orang yang tak mengandung atau tak pernah mengandung, takkan paham perasaan orang yang mengandung."

Okay, fine lah you tu fertile. Tapi tak perlulah tulis macam tu, sebab I terasa tau. I pun teringin juga nak paham perasaan orang pregnant...
Ibarat you cakap, "Orang yang tak pernah give birth through the vagina, pakai C-sect je, takkan paham perasaan orang yang go through vaginal birth."

Hah? Cuba fikir perasaan orang tu? Adakah dia minta untuk suka-suka C-sect? Tidak kan...Jadi, sebelum berkata apa-apa, sebelum tulis apa-apa, kena hati-hati.

Tapi I maafkan.

Dan I pun dah jarang nak meroyan nak baby sekarang. I think I've come to terms that this is my dugaan dari Tuhan. I redha. Sedangkan, lagi banyak lagi I boleh enjoy. I have a good husband, walaupun I tak kaya gila, tapi I juga tak miskin. I ada kesihatan yang baik. Muka I tak buruk, I tak bodoh, I tak pernah hidup susah, I dah banyak peluang berjalan-jalan ke luar negara, I tak perlu hidup di negara yang selalu berperang atau banyak bencana alam, kawan-kawan I best...

There a lot to celebrate by being me, so what kalau I tak ada anak. Itu dugaan I, dan I doa supaya I dapat menghadapi dugaan ini dengan sukses! Haha.

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Sebenarnya banyak lagi nak cerita. Tapi ni last untuk kali ini okay...

I selalu rasa I mempunyai kulit kaki yang cantik.

Saya ada parut di lutut kanan, tapi other than that, I rasa kaki I cantik. Kalau orang tanya, dalam banyak-banyak anggota badan you, you suka yang mana, I akan jawab, kaki I!!!

Tapi, beberapa hari lepas, saya dah jumpa satu lagi yang dapat dibanggakan!

Gigi I!

Dulu-dulu, ramai dah dentist cakap I mempunyai gigi yang sihat. Gigi I tak cantik, tapi sihat. Jadi kena bezakan tu...Gigi I tak perfectly lurus, tapi gigi I tak ada lubang, tak ada plague. Gigi I tak ada patch patch hitam/ putih akibat kesan tampalan gigi.

Disebabkan telah mendapat pujian beberapa kali daripada doktor gigi yang berlainan, jadi dengan yakinnya, saya men declare bahawa, I'm proud of my teeth!

Bila kita dah makin tua ni, kita lebih senang menerima diri kita seadanya, kan?

Dulu, I tak suka warna kulit I sebab I rasa hitam. Sekarang baru I sedar, I tak hitam, malah I agak fair, cuma dulu-dulu mak I kata I hitam nak elak dari I main panas. Lagipun dulu I compare dengan my sister and cousin cousin I yang putih melepak tu...

Dulu, I tak suka my wavy curly hair sebab semua orang pun rambut lurus. Tapi sekarang dah appreciate, rambut I ni ada character, and people pay a lot of money to achieve this look.

Dulu tak suka sebab orang selalu komen I kurus sangat sampai terkeluar tulang. Tapi sekarang dah gemok sikit, masih ada tulang tu. Eh, tu namanya high cheekbones lah!

Cuma sekarang I masih belum dapat menyukai my flat nose yang macam jambu batu ni! Haha.

Husband I cakap, kalau ada anak, minta minta jangan turun genetik hidung penyek I. Cissss...

During the early years of marriage, we need to save a lot money.

Since my wedding was small affair and I didn't invite a lot of people, I also didn't get a lot of wedding gifts.

We got a blender among our gifts, so yeay, tak payah beli blender. Make use of what we have!

A simple blender:

But this blender sucks. It doesn't blend well. Macam mana I nak buat mash potato!

I dream of having a food processor like the ones the chefs use on TV:

Bestnyeee...!!!

I imagine the food I can make with this blender.

The problem is...I bukannya selalu masak and this thing is quite expensive. Besides, I used to tell myself not to get too carried away since I don't plan to be permanent here. Nanti nak pindah susah pulak nak angkut barang banyak banyak.

Sebab I selalu suka tengok rancangan masakan, I rasa awesomenye kalau ada blender macam ni:

Just put in the pot and wallah, nice, silky soup!

I didn't crave having it because, like I said, I tak masak selalu. Kenalah praktikal kan.

But how can I resist when it costs only RM169!

So tadi I dah berjaya buat ayam percik...Hehe...

Lepas ni nak buat sup terus blend dalam pot pulak...

Husband komen cakap ayam I keras. Kuah ayam percik dah okay dah...Actually, I don't know how long I should cook the chicken meat. Kalau undercook takut tak masak, overcook jadi liat liat pulak.

Any tips?





p/s:
I would be aiming this next.

A convection oven! (Sebab I takde oven)

This is the continuation from the previous post:

14.

Our big group consisted of 30 people. Out of the 30, there were 6 Malaysians, Joe and I were the only Malays. Naturally, we tend to stick together.

Doctor: So, you are married? Where is your husband?
Me: He is not into this thing.
Doctor: It's good to see couples that are independent.
Me: Oh, I've known him for many years before we got married. And we used to be in long distance relationship. So, we trust each other.

15.

Me: Hi, doggie! (Waving at the dog)
Doctor: You are not afraid of the dogs? You are so different than the other Malays I know.

Well, obviously, you need to have more Malay friends!

16.

In the jungle.

Me: She's pretty.
Joe: Mehh...Okay je...
Sally: She looks like Eva Mendes.
Joe: She's buncit!
Me: Body dia cantiklah!
Joe: Dia ada perut...
Me: Biasalah ada perut sikit!
Joe: Mehh...She's okay je lah...

Back from the hotspring.

Joe: I told you, dia ada perut!
Me: Mana you tau?
Joe: Dia kan pakai swimming suit tadi. Buncit!

Me: How did they all know they should bring swimsuits?
Joe: It's one of the essentials lah...You don't know because it's your first time doing things like this. I pun bawak my swimming shorts.
Sally: But...We are going up up up. We are not at the beach. Who would've thought...
Joe: It's very useful. You can wear it for swimming, in case tempat tu takde toilet. As underwear...It's lightweight, durable and it dries up quickly.

17.

Me: Now that I've seen her up close, yeah, she's not that pretty...
Sally: I think so too! It's probably the dehydration. We were imagining things...Haha.
Joe: I dah cakap dah...Biase je dia tu...

Sally: Her name is Nabila. She's Canadian. She said she'll be staying her til the end of the month.
Me: Oh, dia tak sedih ke tak celebrate Raya Haji?
Sally: She's not that kind of Muslims.
Me: ...
Sally: I mean, she's not like you and Joe.

There are many kinds of Muslims.

18.

Joe: Before we came, I talked to my girlfriend, Didie. She asked me, "Betulke you nak pergi dengan Ectopy and Sally ni?"
Me: Kenapa pulak?
Joe: Dia kata, "Boleh ke Ectopy tu...? Sally tu okay lah jugak...Tapi Ectopy tu macam lemah je..."
Me: (Tak guna betul kutuk I) Haha. So, what do you think?
Joe: I expected you to do the worst actually. Sally selalu cakap, "Oh, I do this all the time," "I travel a lot," "I go to the gym to work out." Jadi, dia patutnya fit lah.
Me: So, you underestimate I lah? Oh, my God!
Joe: Yeah...Look at you...
Me: You better tell Didie I am way better than what she thinks of me. And I don't even train for this. So, kira okaylah ni!

Joe: Sally is so slow...
Me: But she's happy all the time. I don't know how she does it.
Joe: She's using up her energy to talk and laugh instead of walking. And I can't walk too fast in case she gets thirsty and needs water...

I was on a break and went overseas with a couple of my friends. Bless my husband for being so cool about it. Here are some quotes/ encounters I chanced upon during the trip.

1.

Me: How much is this? Do you have a smaller size, for me?

The girl who was attending me is the shopkeeper's daughter.

Girl: This is very good quality. You can feel...The writing won't come of so easy...How much you want?
Me: 300.
Girl: No..I give you 350.

After we had settled on a price, my friend Joe asked her,

Joe: How old are you?
Girl: I am nine years old.
Joe: You are a very good businesswoman. What do you want to be when you grow up? What is your ambition?
Girl: I want to be a social worker.

Wow, a social worker! I don't even know what a social worker means when I was at her age. Typical answers would be a doctor, a teacher, a pilot, a policewoman...

Me: A social worker? That's very good. You have to study really hard.
Girl: I go to school. But because of the festival, it is school holiday. So, I help my father.

2.

Most of the guides are young and they can speak a little bit of English.

Many know someone, a friend, a relative or they themselves who was/ is working in Malaysia.

One of them had a father who worked in Malaysia. A few months after arriving in Malaysia, his father took his own life. At that time, he was too young to understand. All he remember was the body was sent back to his family. They can only speculate why he had kill himself.

3.

Woman: Come help me. Buy something? I have chocolates. Water? Banana?
Me: (Smiles and give money)
Woman: Take something...
Me: No, it's okay.
Woman: Thank you, thank you. My son has no legs, no father. My husband died many years ago. He no father.
Son: Where are you from? Are you Chinese?
Me: Me? I am from Malaysia.
Son/ Woman: Malaysia! Kolalalapor!
Woman: My other son, his brother, in Malaysia.
Joe: Oh, really? What does he work as? What is his job?
Woman/ Son: (Trying to describe/ say things we could not understand)
Joe: Does he like Malaysia?
Woman: Yes. His wife and children, in that village. My son come back after 3 years, then he go again. He give money but not to me. All his money he give to his wife. His children, very small, go to school.

4.

Guide: I am going to Penang. I am going to get married.
Sally: Oh, you have a Malaysian girlfriend? Is she Malay?
Guide: No, she's Indian.
Sally: Is it an arranged marriage?
Guide: Yes.
Sally: So, you never met her before?
Guide: I have seen her picture. I will marry her and see how. If I don't like, I will leave her and find other girls. Malaysia has beautiful girls.

5.

I was very, very tired.

Joe: Come on, just a little bit more.
Me: (Grumpy) Don't lie to me.
Joe: You shouldn't rest too long.
Me: (Grumpy) You pergilah dulu!

Finally, we arrived at our destination.

Me: Wahhh!!! Cantiknya! Nak ambil gambar!
Joe: (Irritated) Tiba-tiba ada energy pulak!
Me: (Laughs)

Me: Ala...I know I can do it. I have the energy. I was just tired lah. But I know eventually I boleh.

6.

Joe: You guys are annoying! You just whine and whine...You should be more positive!
Sally: We are not slow! They are too quick. This is not a competition! I'd rather walk at my own pace and enjoy the scenery.
Me: Yeah...I don't even think they even stop to take pictures. We need to capture all of this. And I don't whine!
Joe: You do whine. "Jauh lagi" lah, "Are we there yet?", "Is this it?", "How long more to go?" "Sakit kaki"
Me: That's not whining!

7.

Joe: You are slow.
Sally: We are average.
Joe: You are not average. If you are average, then who is below average?
Sally: The below average people wouldn't even consider to join this trip. It says so, "This trip is suitable for people of average fitness, 10 to 60 years old." Since we decided to join, and we got through the first and second day, and we were not that late, by the way, so we are average.
Me: I am already walking fast! It's not like I purposely go slow. And everytime I walk fast, masih tak sampai-sampai jugak! So, I don't see the point of trying to keep up with them.

8.

My friend, Sally, speaks seven languages.

Both of us were walking with two walking sticks each. The locals greeted us and said,

"Why are you using two walking sticks? Only old people need two walking sticks."

Yeah, thanx for the encouraging comment.

9.

Since my friend understand the language,

Below is the translation:

Guide 1: (Giving briefing to the other guides) Kau pergi dengan group Ectopy, Joe, Sally. Kau pergi dengan group orang putih tu. Kau pergi dengan Si Tua tu.

Si Tua is actually a doctor who owns a practice and easily makes RM2500 per day. She's probably in her sixties.

Guide 2: Aku tak mahu pergi dengan group Si Tua tu! Semalam dia nyanyi banyak sampai aku sakit kepala!

Haha. Mengumpat!

10.

I was very, very tired.

Me: I am never going to another vacation like this ever again. I am not doing this when I'm in my forties. This is the last one.

11.

I was very, very tired.

Me: When we are back home again, I am never going to take the stairs ever again. I am going to fully utilise the lift. I kadang-kadang naik tangga sebab it's healthy. But now I've had enough. No more stairs.

12.

Shopping for souvenirs.

Sally and I: Overly happy and excited.

Joe: Perempuan ni, bila shopping je happy. Bukan shopping, bila dapat beli barang. Beli dapat beli barang je, happy.
Me: I happy sebab ni murahlah!
Joe: It's universal. Perempuan, shopping, happy.

13.

One of my groupmates is a woman in her forties. Her name is Pauline.

Sally: I see that all of your stuff is Reebok. Reebok cap, Reebok shoes...You really like Reebok, huh?
Pauline: Yeah, it's good quality.
Me: So, you're like the little ambassador of Reebok. Haha!
Pauline: Yeah. Reebok sponsors me...
Sally/ Joe/ Me: (Laughs)
Pauline: Because I play tennis. So, they decided to sponsor me. And I can't wear nothing but Reebok.
Sally/ Joe/ Me: (Laughs)

Pauline: I am serious. Seriously.
Pauline's friend: It's true.

Oh-kayyy...So we have an athlete in our group. No wonder they were all so fit!

A quick update. Just thought of sharing a few new favourite blog, website and app worth mentioning.

iamboey.com

Been reading it since it was mentioned in Reader's Digest a few months back. I remember the times when my mission was to finish reading the blog from the very first post.

thebeautydepartment.com

Love the hair tutorials especially!

TED

I think my brain has shrunk a bit ever since I left university. This app is great because now I can learn again by listening to interesting talks even while driving (you can choose the audio version). That makes me feel a little bit smarter. Haha.

*edited*
Oh, I forgot to mention these two below

lamebook.com

Laugh at the stupid things people write on facebook!

howdoiputthisgently.tumblr.com

This is my feel good site. I totally can relate.

Last weekend, my husband decided that we would eat out. I said, "Abang, dah lama I tak nyanyi." So I sang. Out loud. And danced.

Seeing me drowning in my own little world, my husband giggled.

"What?!" I whistled away.

Husband: Sukalah tu sebab tak payah masak. Cuba kalau I suruh masak, muka monyok je...
Me: Mana ada! I saje je nak nyanyi.
Husband: I kenallah isteri I.

After I thought about it, he was right. I do not like cooking.
And I was exceptionally happy that day. Even without me realizing why.
Eh, dah tau I tak suka masak, tapi hari-hari still expect me to cook. Hmmph.

I pun pandai juga.
Like yesterday, I knew it was the last batch of chicken meat. I purposely did not tell my husband we run out of chicken.
After this, when he arrives home, and asks the usual "Honey, what's for dinner?" I would just act shocked, "Oops, I lupa lah ayam habis. Tak boleh masaklah macam ni...Kena makan luar..."

Yeay me!

Haha.

I don't eat weird animal parts. No testes, no tongue, no chickens' feet, no internal organs.

One day, I was sick and husband brought home porridge. However, there were lots of perut. I isolated them and offered my husband instead.

My husband took the perut and nom nom nom. I was like, "Euww...!"

"You tau tak dalam perut lembu tu banyak cacing!" I told my husband.

1 hour after, before we went to bed, he brushed his teeth.

"Betulke ada cacing?" he suddenly asked.

Haha.

After that, I saw him put aside the perut in a plate. I questioned him why he did not eat them.

"You cakap ada cacing dalam perut lembu."

Haa...Traumatised lah tu. Dah berdekad-dekad hidup, baru nak perasan perut lembu tu ada cacing ke...

Silly boy...Senangnya I nak memperkotak-katikkan fikiranmu.

Haha. I gelak gile.

I have lots of stories to share but it's really hard to vent when I am using the phone! The Internet issue still has not resolved yet which is majorly annoying.

I have been feeling demotivated for the whole week. It's probably related to the fact that I am looking forward for the long leave. Plus today, I received an official letter which requires me to sacrifice some of my holiday for the big presentation on the 26th. Why!

This letter is connected to the project a few months ago (wrote about it before, even then was stressful enough) and it is connected to that something I was supposed to get but did not get and got very frustrated.
So how could I not be demotivated about it when all I can think of is, "What is the point?"

Rasa nak tarik diri je kalau boleh. Tapi tak boleh.

Anyway...Received an automated SMS saying I won something. Entered the contest a couple of months back, I didn't even buy the magazine, haha. It was my colleague's, saw it lying around so I flipped through and got interested in one of the prizes. The one that I won is not the grand prize though.

Husband thought the text message was a hoax. So we went to the store to check for my name, in printed version. Cis, dia ingat I ni tak bertuah ke...

A few weeks ago, when I had no Internet, I cried so much.

I think I hadn't cried that much since my last break-up.

I wanted something so badly, but then I found out that I didn't get it, through a friend.
Which was 10 times worse because I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself.

Actually, I didn't expect to react in such a way, but it was immediate. It was like blood shooting up my head, I needed to sit down. I distracted myself by doing work but as soon as my thoughts were back to that thing, I broke down.

I was almost unable to control myself that I needed to go home during lunch hour and cried myself to sleep.

My husband, he didn't understand the impact on me. He was supportive, but not as much as I wanted him to be.

He knew I was so upset because at night, I cuddled in his arms and said nothing but cried. He only realized how much I had wanted it when he saw how hurt I was not to get it.

It also bruised my confidence. I had to say how much I worth out loud, just because I thought it would probably help.
"I never failed in my life."
"I am smart but why didn't I get it."
"I always get what I want."
"It's not fair."
"This has never happened to me."

I didn't take it well.

The next day, it was fated that one of my good friends, Reza, called me.

He asked how I was doing and all the normal stuff friends ask. I had a good time chatting and catching up with him. Suddenly, it wasn't so bad at all.

We are good friends for years and years. I remember during the early days of our friendship, whenever he was upset, I would judge his situation and give him a time limit for his depression, depending on the severity. He would reciprocate the gesture when I was upset.

"Okay...Your problem takde lah teruk sangat...So, I bagi you tiga hari untuk you berkabung, okay! Lepas tu you kena forget about it and move on! Jom, kita pergi beli kek."

When he called me, I was reminded of the time when we used to encourage each other. I didn't tell him I was majorly sad, but I know that it did not worth more than one day of crying.

My time will come, as God has better plans for me.

Yesterday, we went house hunting. I ni kan perempuan yang over dan mengada-ngada, so I told my husband that I want a big house! A bungalow or a semi-D. If he couldn't afford it, "I bagi you diskaun," I said. "I nak penthouse dua tingkat!"

Of course I talked like I had 4 children and my husband earned millions...

Location pulak nak yang best-best je.

Kesianlah dapat isteri demanding macam ni...

Then, we watched a movie- Universal Soldier.

I don't like, don't watch it. It reminded me of the film Saw, ganas macam tu, but at least Saw has a good plot. Universal Soldier ni macam tah apa-apa. Tembak sana sini je sampai pecah kepala.

Then I had a nightmare.

Was dreaming that I lived in a big, nice house. Went outside for a little while to get something that I left in the car. Saw a figure and knew right away something was wrong. Before doing anything heroic, mengucap dulu, (sebab takut mati) saw a gun pointed at me, so I ran. The gun was fired, then he grabbed me. I only had RM3 at that time, he was not happy. Mesti dia ingat duduk rumah besar, duit kena banyak. Shouted at my family but he got me and had the gun at my head.

Lepas tu I woke up. Ni semua pengaruh Universal Soldier lah ni!

Lepas tu sempat lagi fikir-fikir before falling asleep again, if it did really occur in the real life, I really hope I mengucap dulu before I died.

I dah habis dah main Bubble Shooter ni on my phone. Puzzle ada 99 levels, Arcade ada 99 levels. Finished them all within 3 weeks.

Memang tak ada kerja kan...

I want to tell you guys what happened after I cleared all the levels.

I felt contented, macam puas, like I had achieved a goal.
But the feeling lasted for a while only.
After that, I felt lost, like- Lepas ni buka phone nak main apa pulak! What is my purpose! I already have it all!

Have you had those kind of feelings? Can you understand me?

Then I asked my husband, "Abang, apa perasaan orang yang dah ada segala-galanya? Is this how it feels?" Macam tak best je...Like, lepas ni nak buat apa?

So, my husband answered my question, "Dalam dunia ni, tak ada orang pun yang ada segala-galanya..."

I was thinking, "What...!!! Then why do we work so hard to achieve something that we can never get!!!"

Me: Kalau macam tu, I nak kerja sampai bila? What's the point of working if I can never have it all?

And...Of course I know the answer.

Manusia ni memang tak pernah puas.
You can only feel contented, if you stop chasing the world.

Back to basic, you guys, back to the basic.

Hello internet!

Fuh, I miss writing so much. My internet provider sucks, I tried to fix my USB broadband but no stock available in the town where I work. Then, I tried to terminate the line and get a new one, but the person in charge said I can only do that once I return my USB broadband in perfect condition. Of course I couldn't do so because they have no stock!

Idiot! I wanted to write a complaint letter but I don't like typing using my phone, my sentences sound retarded. Tak ada feel gitu.

Won't use the internet at work for anything else than work, or when it is really really necessary (eg: printing my boarding pass) and I do that only with permission.

Anyway, I am back in Klang Valley for a few days, hoorah!

Gonna fix my problem and give them a piece of my mind. Do they expect me to pay even when I can't go online for almost a month just because they don't have stock to replace my broken USB broadband? Hell, no!

Inhale, exhale.

So, I am dying to write about this secret of mine- which will be no longer be a secret after I write it down, haha, but it's okay because you don't know me!

I used to work frequently with my one of my bosses. Once, he became the person whom I would consult my cases with. Sikit-sikit I would call him. However, our relationship never evolves. Because my boss is very serious! And he is also very baik masyaAllah, sejuk perut ibu mengandung!

One of my colleagues, Marina, has a crush on him for 4 years! She thinks he's good looking. If he was not married, Marina would definitely try to marry him. Haha.

Well, as much as I admire his attitude, I don't think he's good looking lah okay. To me, he is short and very, very average looking, not my type. I never had a crush on him. But because of his amazingly good manners, I have always hoped that if I had son, he would be named after him and possess positive values.

I like boss' name because it's simple, I don't know anybody else with that name, and look at my boss, you can hardly find any faults about him!

It would be so weird if I had a crush on him, then name my child after him. Macam nak rogol anak je...Seriously, I don't understand with people who name their children after someone who they had history with. Gile ke ape...

I am probably over praising my boss. I don't even know him that well. We never borak-borak. My boss is not the type who would borak-borak kosong. He is so serious and soft-spoken. Very humble and kind. Everything is strictly about work.

If he was unhappy, you can tell by the intonation of his voice. But he does this once in a blue moon. One time, he was unhappy and I think he was an angry with me tak tentu pasal, terus I terasa lebih-lebih pulak. Then, I texted my husband to tell him that I cancelled his name for my child. Haha, sungguhlah aku emo time tu. Lepas tu my husband reply balik, "Okay, nama dia tu tak sedap pun!" Dapat pulak husband yang supportive. Haha.

It is my boss' habit to say nice things, which sometimes menusuk jiwa zap zap zap, like, "InsyaAllah, makcik, InsyaAllah..." when explaining to Makcik, "Bismillah..." before starting any procedure, "Lillahi taala," when, I don't know when but I heard him say this when he successfully did something difficult. If I assist him, no matter how insignificant my work, he would praise me and our clients, "Good...Good..." and he always say 'Thank you' when we are the ones who should thank him!

Sejuk perut ibu mengandung!

I worked with him for four months before moving to another project with different bosses, and it's been 6 months since I stop working with him directly. There are times when I still need to consult him but it has become infrequent.

My secret is...

I dreamt that we were married, OMG!

Me and him are like night and day. I ni dengan tak pakai tudung lagi, dengan sikap kasar lagi, my boss tu pulak alim and baik gile...

Dalam mimpi tu, my boss siap hide me from his parents lagi. Haha. Sabar je lah aku.

Tapi masalahnye...Now when I see him at work, I pulak yang nak ter blushing. Awkward. Hish, damn you mainan syaitan!

This is a secret because I couldn't tell my husband.

Tak boleh ke mimpi kahwin dengan some celebrity ke...

A few days ago,

Me: Come on, cheer me up. Tell me something, anything!

Friend: Well, my ex Liyana is getting married next Saturday. Should I go or should I not go?

Me: Oh, God, please don't refer her as your ex. As far as I know, you guys weren't really in a relationship. In fact, dalam banyak-banyak ex-girlfriend that you have, none can really be called your ex-girlfriend!

My friend, my good friend of 10 years now.

Dated many people, told me he was in a relationship 3 times, I never met any of the girlfriends!

Patut ke tak patut? Asyik tengok gambar je...Padahal semua pun duduk dekat Klang Valley je.

Everytime he told me he was in a relationship, I got excited. Ye lah, excited lah nak kawan-kawan dengan my good friend's girlfriends!

-----

Last year,

Friend: I'm bored. Let's go out, have lunch and watch a movie, maybe.
Me: Yeay! I'm free today! Let's!

So, we met.

Me: So, how's your girlfriend?
Friend: I don't know. The last time we talked was on...Hmm...Wait, let me recall...Two weeks ago.

Me: How can you not call her for 2 weeks!
Friend: Because I've been busy.

Me: But, but...Your offices are just like, 10 minutes away from each other!

Me: If you're bored, why didn't you ask her out today?
Friend: Don't know.

-----

Last year,

Me: Yeay! Singapore! Why don't you ask Liyana to come too?
Friend: Eh? Tak payahlah...

Me: Does she even know that you are going to Singapore?

-----

5 years ago,

Friend: I broke up with Shima.
Me: Eh, why? I never even met her yet!

Friend: It's not working. I'm not into her.
Me: Then, why did you ask her to be your girlfriend then?

Friend: I was lonely.

Me: You're so jahat.
Friend: I'm not a bad boyfriend. I bought iPod Touch for her! I always called her. Chatted with her. I brought her to my friend's wedding.

Me: But she loves you so much. Look at the stuffs she sent.
Friend: I know...Look, look at this.

Me: What's this?

It was a jar filled with lovey-dovey messages she wrote and made into origami little stars.

Me: Oh. my God. This is so sweet!
Friend: She told me to read one star a day.

Friend: I was excited at first, but then I got bored.
Me: But, but, what if there's a hidden message she's trying to let you know?!

Friend: Never thought of that before.
Me: How could you! Now, we have to read them all to that!

Friend: Let's do that!

Some of the messages made me go Awww, but I don't remember what she wrote. What I know is, it was a really sweet gesture of her. Then I said things to make my friend feel guilty for breaking up with her. Haha.

(Then, we found out her mother passed away and she also flunked her final year exam. Ouch.)

-----

10 years ago,

Friend: I am not speaking to Faiz or Aisyah again. Diorang dua boleh pergi mampus.

Aisyah left my friend for his bestfriend, Faiz.

-----

Me: Oh, God, please don't refer her as your ex. As far as I know, you guys weren't really in a relationship. In fact, dalam banyak-banyak ex-girlfriend that you have, none can really be called your ex-girlfriend!

Do you think my friend is secretly gay?

He never texted me back afterwards. Dah 3 hari dah. Alamak, takkan nak terasa pulak dah...!

Been secluding myself from any social interactions because I think it's best for now. Lunch hour, I'd rather go home. Isolate myself from gossips.

Yesterday, I decided to get a haircut which I did not like. Stupid hairdresser. It's always a gamble, me and my hair.

Cried on the way home and partially blamed my husband for my hair- if he had taken me sooner, I'd probably get a different result.
Men. They don't get it when I'm upset over a small thing like that, it means there is a bigger issue behind it.
Men. So my husband said, it was my fault because I didn't tell my hairdresser that I was not happy. He said, I should've told him what I wanted because we are the customers and we pay him.

Yeah, I don't need all that logic that I already made sense of.

So I snapped and cried even more.

Arrived home and got a big, warm hug from him.

I was not crying just because of my hair, I cried because I needed to cry. I was miserable at work.

When he just let me cry on his shoulder, it was best. Felt a lot better afterwards. Terus boleh senyum senyum dah. Agak psycho. Haha.

To say that I hate everybody at work, is an exaggeration.

There's this fat boss of mine, who is so knowledgable. Can be temperamental at times but he's toned down a lot after returning from Hajj. One time, I received a blow from him but he personally called me back to apologize.

Hajj does change people.

Anyway, that fat boss of mine joked and explained some things to me, encouraged me to further my studies, so I was happy for a while.

Remember that nice, father-figure Dato' that I mentioned before? Saw him and we smiled to each other.

Just a smile.

I want to become like him. Someone who has an impact on another's life, even though you are not particularly doing anything significant.

Agak-agak, kalau I lalu dan senyum to some random people, do you think I can save a life, do you think I can make his/ her day?

Agak-agak, is there someone out there who feels like that about me?

What do you do when you love your job, but you hate your workplace and the people working with you?

It feels so lonely. The people are unhelpful. A small favour would become into something big. Semua pun nak berkira. Mulut pulak suka memerli. Lepas tu kecoh satu dunia. Dari boss, rakan-rakan sekerja, sehinggalah staff dan client...Sama je...

I really miss my old workplace. In a few months, I already went on vacations with my colleagues/ friends. We'd go out after work, watch movies together, spend the weekends to shop, scout for whatever cravings that we may have. There would always be something to celebrate for. Birthdays, baby showers, hens nights, TGIFs...If there's a problem at work, they would be there for me. If the problem can't be fixed, they would be there for supports. We laughed a lot even though the workload is probably 10 times more than what I am having now.

Until now, I still haven't found anybody that I can really get along with. That's pathetic. Am I the problem here?

I am happy here, when I am home, with my husband.

True enough, you can't have everything. Not at the same time.





I repeatedly tell myself that I should apply for a transfer. The problem is, what about my husband? Kesian pula dia, he probably would think that I am unhappy because of him.

The only reason I can survive here is him.

Today, I cried at work. Actually, I probably feel like crying almost everyday at work.

Which makes me feel guilty subsequently.

The question is, is happiness equals to gratefulness and sincerity?

If I am grateful, shouldn't I be happy? If I am sincere, shouldn't I be happy? Is it possible for a grateful and sincere person to be unhappy? Am I unhappy because deep down, I am actually ungrateful and insincere?!

Mode: Worthless, lost, confused, hoping to feel better

T___T

=(

The other day, I went shopping, but my husband lost my newly bought skirt! Ade ke patut...Nasib baik benda lain tak hilang. I bought quite a lot of things that day. Naturally, my husband would carry my stuff, but he didn't check whether he got them all. Therefore, my skirt is missing and he has to replace it, I don't care!

Sebenarnya, in the beginning tu memang rasa marah nak hentak hentak kaki. Luckily, my senses were still intact.

- It's not like my husband lost it on purpose
- It's just a small thing, a skirt, and it's not that expensive

I need to remind myself over and over again. Kalau nak marah pun, let it be worth it.
Mula-mula tu pun memang sedih. But then again, there are many other people who couldn't even afford what I can.

See, I am sensible.
And I hate the feeling of guilt. Everytime rasa berangan nak rumah besar, kereta besar, baju cantik, makan best best, mesti nak teringat dekat orang lain yang kurang mampu. Why can't I enjoy my life guilt-free!

Then, we had lunch. Pastu ada budak jual kerepek, dari meja ke meja. It was on a Monday. I pun fikir lah, budak ni tak sekolah ke. Tengahari dah jalan-jalan, berpeluh-peluh, penat woooo...!!!

He was thirsty, so he wanted to buy a canned drink. He asked for the cheapest drink. Ala, nama pun budak, mana dia tu tahu kedai tu mahal ke, kedai murah. Yang dia tahu, bila haus, kena minum air!

Lepas tu I wonder, since he was just a kid, kalau lepas dapat untung from all sold kerepek, tak ada orang ke stop him and mug him. Kan zaman sekarang ni bahaya...





My nieces are so cute. I love to entertain them, depending on my mood. But they love my husband more.

It's funny when one of them kept tugging my husband. Husband pulak suka melayan, "Adoi...Tolong! Tangan saya sakit!" Then one them would scold the other one for hurting my husband. Lepas tu ada jawapan, "He's mine!!!"

So cute!

Their characters are different. One is obviously the leader, and the other one only shows her true colour when the leader leads. Seorang tu mulut becok, kuat merajuk, perasan cantik. Hari-hari tanya kenapa muka Uncle hitam. Haha. I rasa sebab dia belum masuk sekolah lagi, jadi dia belum pernah jumpa orang hitam dalam hidup dia.

Seorang lagi tu tak takut orang, suka menari. Kalau bawa pergi shopping mall, lari macam masuk Disneyland. Lagi dikejar, lagi dia suka sebab ingat tengah main. Sampai orang lain confuse ingatkan anak sendiri yang terlepas, menjerit, "Anak kita bang!" Husband I boleh jawab, "Eh, bukan, saya punya tu!"

Macam best je ada anak. Lepas tu mengada-ngada nak berangan tengah pregnant anak nombor dua. Kalau anak nombor satu jenis tak boleh duduk diam, memang husband I lah tukang jaga, I am pregnant mahhh!!!

Sekali tu, I bawa handbag mahal-mahal, which deserve its own seat at the dining table. I called my niece to stop playing and eat, dia boleh lari-lari datang meja, nampak handbag pastu campak atas lantai lalu duduk atas kerusi tu. Waahh...Rasa nak tarik rambut sendiri, that bag is freaking special, you always treat it with respect! Husband I gelak-gelak je. Sabar je lah budak ni.

I am surrounded by fertile people, I am so jealous. Hari tu my mom buat makan-makan, habis orang datang, semua muda-muda, tapi anak berderet-deret. I seorang je bercouple dengan husband. Sayu hati.

Tapi sayu hati kejap je. My life is not so bad lah. I am happy. Selalu gelak-gelak dengan husband I.

Since we have no baby yet, I can be the baby all I want. Ok, what!!!





Sejak raya ni, tak jumpa lagi my birth MIL (husband's birth mother). Setiap kali call, dia tak ada, tengah berjalan ke mana tah. Satu hari husband I fed up, dia cakap, "Mak I ni!Hari Raya pun tak kesah dekat anak. Patutlah dia tak bela I, suruh orang lain bela!" He said that jokingly, and I thought it was funny. Family husband I ni, masa raya pun buat tak tahu je. Kalau family sebelah I, kena pakai baju cantik, ada sesi salam-salam, tapi family my husband ni memang peliklah. Patutlah I culture shocked sikit. Haha. My husband pun jadi culture shocked sebab I paksa dia pakai samping and songkok masa first day raya.

Just arrived home and had a visitor. He is my husband's friend, quite close to him actually, even accompanied my husband on our wedding day.

He said he came to my workplace but I didn't recognize him.

I was so embarassed by it because I immediately recalled the event after he described it to me.

How could I not recognize someone who is so familiar in my life! How can I remember the case, but not the person involved?

Rasa nak ketuk je otak ni. Like, how can I not match the people in my normal life, with my clients. They can be interchangable, me idiot! People I know, can become my clients too. But my brain is too rigid, they keep them separated that I cannot even register their faces.

I feel like a really, really bad friend, and a really, really bad human being. Like, I am just a mad workaholic, a machine that works without that extra magic touch.

I do admit sometimes I avoid working with people I know to maintain being professional. I hate confrontations and I don't want to be bias. I don't want to give out favours just because that person knows my husband.

But this person, he simply accidentally became my client, even if it was less than 24 hours, but I didn't recognize him. Not only I am embarassed, but I am also disappointed in myself.

Sigh.




Remember about my colleague that I was so eager to match make with one of my friends?

I don't think I am going to proceed with it.

Two reasons:

1) The girl he used to date is difficult to compete with.
2) The girl he used to date live in the same housing area as my friend's, they are practically neighbours/ family friends.

Me: OMG! I know her!
Him: Wait, how do you know her? Is she your friend? How could you know it's her?
Me: Ala...I have many friends la...Lagipun, ada berapa banyak anak Tan Sri dekat situ? That instantly narrows down the options.
Him: ...I shouldn't have told you that detail...
Me: But you did. Hehe. She's pretty. And nice. How did she end up with you!
Him: Haha. I'm charming!
Me: So, it's you...
Him: It's me, what? Don't tell me you read her blog too!
Me: Sometimes...
Him: But I've screened her blog. She never mentioned about me!
Me: Why did you guys break up? She's such a catch!
Him: Arrggh...! Don't say that. You don't know her like I do...

I don't know what happened between them, but in my naked eyes, she looks/ sounds like a perfect girl. (I don't know her personally, kenal kenal macam gitu je) I'd feel really, really small if I were to stand next to her. I hate perfect girls. How can someone have everything this world?
But when he said, "You don't her like I do..." that give me a glimpse of hope. She might not be so perfect after all. Yeay! Hehe.

Okay, this is somewhat embarassing to admit, but one of the negatives about me is...

I ni kasar.

I've been getting comments on that occasionally but I never really thought I was. Whenever someone told me, "Awak ni kasar lah," I'd think, "Hhmmm...That's a weird thing to say to me," and I'd normally brush it off.

The first time I got that comment was when I was 16 and I had an 'unknown' fight with my roommate.

Basically, she was pissed at me because I didn't layan her. Well, it was the first week in that school, I was, of course, hanging out with people that I had chemistry with! One night, she cried, but I was already in deep slumber, then she told my senior about me, so that so-called concerned senior decided to send us to the councellor.

The thing is, she totally ambushed me. I was doing my thing when, "Eh, malam ni kita kena pergi Cikgu Jamilah tau," I was like, why???

Then only, in front of that teacher, I was finally aware about how she felt about me. She said I was not sensitive about her feeling, when she cried I never asked why- Well, it was the orientation week, so I slept through the night because I was so fatigue during the day, duuhh, you idiot! Just thinking about this makes me angry all over again! She should have confronted me instead of making a huge deal about it!

I looked like a badass because she cried and cried and wanted to hug me, while the whole time, I was, well, trying to figure what was going on, until the teacher/ counsellor MADE us apologize to each other.

Anyway, after that meeting, we returned to our room, and she said, "You know, Ectopy, awak ni kasar tapi manja."

WTF!!!!!!!

I went straight to my friends because I was so confused with that comment. How can somebody be manja and kasar at that time? And who is really manja, me or her, tell me, who is the one crying every single night and demanding for attention, you tell me!

My friends and I thought she was crazy. She was. She might still is.



Okay, I am getting sidetracked. So, back to my point, that was the first time someone had actually mentioned I was rough.

I was not really a tomboy, I am quite artsy farsty, probably I am not so ladylike in terms of my manners, but I really do dress well (hehe, perasan). I don't curse, except occasional bodohs that I give to things (not people) that deserve it.

My husband thinks I am rough too, but I thought that's just because he comes from the land of lemah gemalai that I sometimes rasa nak lempang je sebab buat kerja lembut dan lembab sangat macam tak ada tenaga. Senyum tersipu-sipu, seriously,  I memang testing my patience je (referring to my staffs who are from the land of lemah gemalai).

My work nature, other than involving a lot of human interaction, it also involves a lot of procedures which requires a lot of experiences to be good at them.

This year, I have time and mood to teach my staffs a lot of things, so one day, I was insturcting them how to do a procedure while I stood there to supervise. People generally learn better when they get to do it themselves, and they really appreciate when given a chance to do it. At least that's how I felt when I first started working.

My staffs started the procedure, but it was so slow, until my client complaint and beginning to raise his voice. So, I stepped in and took over, and just like that, the procedure is complete.

Little did I know, one of staffs who watch me doing it, was a little traumatized by it. It was his first time watching the procedure. He came to me, and said, "Ganasnya! Rasa ngilu!" making an awful face to match what he felt. I told him that's how you do it! Rough and quick and done.



Yesterday, I was assisting my colleague to do a procedure. While waiting, my client asked me to do something for him, so I did and he said, "Ganasnya..."

My colleague apologized on my behalf, "Sorry, Encik, dia ni memang ganas sikit tapi dia langsung tak ada niat nak berkasar."

I stood there, redfaced, and laughed.

Anyway, my colleague failed that procedure, again, I stepped in, a bit of push and done, less than 30 seconds, I swear.

My client said, "Hwejfhwoi," and I was like what? He said, "Lujwhedu," and I was like what? "Thank you! He said Thank you, Ectopy!" my colleague told me. Ganas, ganas pun, he said his gratitude to me! Haha, in your face!



I still would like to think that I ni kasar bertempat okay! Hehehe...I always thought I ni garang. And tough. But rough? Nahh...

Quotes!

"The best people are the ordinary looking ones. That's why God creates so many of them."

When my friend, Ali, and I first heard this, my first reaction was to put one hand of my chest and said, "Awww..." Then, Ali looked at me and said that it was totally "Ayat menyedapkan hati orang common!" *Giggles*

"God does not give you what you want, He gives you what you need."

It makes me think that, whatever I already have, whatever is happening to me, I must really be needing it. Why else?

Anyway, I was having conversation with my colleagues. One of them was not happy with one of my colleagues who was not in the picture at that time (mengumpat lah tu...) He said she gets angry over the littlest of things. Then he got angry thinking about it.

We were trying to cheer him up, so we told him things like, "Just forget about it..." "Sabar je lah..." "It's just her personality..." "Dia PMS kot masa tu..."

Then, one of us told him this:

"Ala...Perempuan memang macam tu. Kau belum kahwin lagi kan? Kalau dah kahwin nanti, sekecik-kecik benda pun boleh sampai gaduh besar! Hal kecik gila pun..."

Say whaattt?!

Whatever.

I told them about my friend in university who got married early, then she was diagnosed with a disease that prevents her from getting pregnant. She, then, told her husband that he is allowed to marry another one. The husband was in glee...

Colleague: Tu memang hak laki tu lah. Biarlah dia nak kahwin banyak pun.
Me: What did you say?! *Half yelling* Perempuan tu tengah sakit kot!
Colleague: Okay, Feminist...
Me: Memanglah! Kita mana boleh biar lelaki pijak-pijak kita! I terasa lah jugak. I pun couldn't get pregnant yet! Does that mean my husband can marry another suka-suka hati?

We later attended a complicated client.
Complicated because that client has another wife but wants his son to support him. But there's some communication problem because the son and the stepmother can't properly sit down and discuss, semuanya pakai a third party, so things get really delayed.

I told my colleague who made the above comment, "See...That's why you should never kahwin suka-suka hati..."

Haha. I won!

Before ending this post, tiba-tiba teringat satu kejadian.

Pakcik, our client, said he didn't have money.
We found out that he has a wealthy stepdaughter who holds a high position job, earning a 5-figure salary.
The stepdaughter was upset we treated the pakcik like a poor person.
(Of course, jatuhlah maruah dia tak jaga mak bapak kan...)
We said, we didn't know, pakcik said he didn't have family.

"Dia tak mengaku I ni keluarga dia? Memang dasar tak kenang budi!"

Drama masyarakat.

Last night, I coudn't sleep, so I stalked colleagues on FB.
Which led me to our common friends that I've lost contact with, so I stalked them too.

I don't think I was popular in school, but I did hang with the cool crowd. If I was indeed popular, it was definitely not because of my looks.

Anyway, towards the end, I decided to stalk myself. How would somebody perceive me if they stumbled upon my FB page?

I'm a sleeping active user in FB. Which means, you can rarely see me update, but I do log in often to see what other people are up to.

So, anyway, I browsed through my photo albums that consist my past. My past was beautiful. I went to beautiful places, met beautiful people, and I looked better. I have lost weight unintentionally over the years.
Now I yearn for a little bit of more flesh on the cheek, a little bit of more glow on my skin, a little bit more style, a little bit more money, a little bit more time, just like what I had back then.

After I stalked myself, I guess I wasn't too bad...
I also realized, even in pictures, I have very, very few girlfriends.

People who stalk me must think I am such a whore.

-----

While I was stalking people, I thought of how some people are still single. I mean, I find there's nothing wrong with them, I'd totally date you, you, you, you, you too, if I was still single. Why not?

Then, I thought of matchmaking people.

But my matchmaking skills suck.

I don't know how to break the news to my friend, Juwita, and this guy, that I think matchmaking them would be a great idea.

The last time, I tried to set up Juwita with my ex-colleague, Joey. The date went well. I was there too. We had great conversations and we karaoke-d. They were totally comfortable with each other presence.

But, Joey didn't call Juwita after that day. I don't know why.
And my matchmaking story ended there. Hanging.

Eventually, we found out Joey is now bestfriends with Juwita's ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend and Joey met only after the date, they had chemistry and became instant close buddies. What a small world.
Epic fail on my part!

Juwita also went for several other blind dates set up by my other friends. There were all fruitless.

Probably, Juwita is done with all this shit. So, I am afraid to even suggest, "Hey, I have this new colleague, I think you guys will be great together!"

But my colleague would be such a waste if I didn't grab him fast and give it to my friends in need!

Haha. Okay, so, now, I am objectifying my colleague like he's just a piece of meat.

But, really, he's tall and charming. Really.

Maybe, I can get him into my circle and introduce him subtly to my friend. That's what I did everytime with my new friends and existing friends, except that I never tried to set them up before.

This time it's quite tricky because I am not in my hometown. How the hell am I supposed to get everybody hang out and be merry when I am so far from my existing friends!

Probably Hari Raya would be a good excuse. Hehehehe...

Today, I was upset with my husband.

He promised that he would take me go shopping at noon.

At 9.30am, he kissed me goodbye as he left for work.

While waiting for him, I decided to fold the clothes.

Then, I swept the floors of the kitchen and the three vacant rooms.

My husband called at 2pm but I ignored the phonecall as a sign of protest (and I also pretended to be busy doing house chores).

I felt tired and irritated because there was a lot of dust in two of the rooms.

I thought my husband lied to me when he told he had swept the floors. I guess, he swept all the dust from the living room into the vacant rooms. Or, he mopped the floors without sweeping them first! I felt cheated.

He came home at 3.30pm. He greeted "Assalamualaikum," but I didn't answer out loud.

He then frantically looked for me when he finally found me quietly sweeping the floors.

I was on strike, so I started making faces, yelling, and refusing to talk to him.

After Zuhur prayer, he wanted to hug me but I played dead. I watched the TV and gave no response.

He said, "Lets go to the mall!"
I didn't want to go shopping in a foul mood.

He tried all kinds of stunts to apologize but I didn't budge.

Then he said, "Tadi Abang balik, tengok Sayang dah hilang. Abang ingat Sayang dah kena culik tadi. Risau gila, Abang rasa nak nangis dah..."

I said, "Tipu!"

He said, "Sumpah! Demi Allah!"

When someone said 'Demi Allah', you know he's dead serious.

I said, "Betulke?" and a smile started to appear on my face. I was finally able to look at him.

"Betul..."

Then we made up.

I guess I really like it when my husband gets worried sick about me. It means he really cares about me. Haha.

p/s: I know that we should control our anger especially in Ramadhan. But I was really irritated by him just now.

p/s2: I don't know how it's going to be like if I had children. I complained just because I needed to clean the whole house when they are only two people living here. Can you imagine how I'd be like if
there were children around to make more mess?

p/s3: I am such a sissy. Just tell me that you could not live without me, and I am sold! Damn, I am easy!

p/s4: In my husband's defense, he did have to finish his work just now, that's why he came home late. Kesian dia penat.

p/s5: My husband swore he didn't lie, he did sweep the floors. I asked where did all the dust come from then? He said it must be the construction site next to our building, making the dust fly in through the windows. He is probably right because the room which is on the other side of the house didn't have too much dust in it.

p/s6: If I had children, I'd probably make them clean the house for me. I'd call it 'House chores'!

I was fooling around with my husband,

Me: Abang, abang rasa bertuah tak? Dahlah I ni baik, cantik, pandai pulak tu. Sekali lepas kahwin, abang dapat tau I ni pandai masak pulak. Macam dapat bonus. I'm a bonus, abang! I'm a bonus!

Husband: (Laughs) Eleh, you ni tak habis-habis nak perasan!
I told you I can cook, I'm just so lazy to do so.

Since Ramadhan, I have no choice but to cook for almost every single day for iftar.

I cannot believe it either.

I've only gone to the bazaar Ramadhan once only so far. Yesterday, we had iftar at my sister-in-law's. One other time, my mother-in-law came over and cooked for us. Sometimes, for reasons I can't avoid, when I won't be home by Maghrib, my husband had to find food himself.

But, for the rest of the time, I cooked. Who? Me! I COOKED! And I'm cooking tonight.

As practice makes perfect, I discover that I can finish cooking within 40 minutes! I am no Jamie Oliver, but at least I could do a little bit of clean up within that 40 minutes.

Because I am such an amateur, I tend to cook the same thing over and over again. Now, I am running out of recipes and I am on the net for some enlightenments.

I've cooked chicken soup, tomyam, ayam masak merah, ayam masak kicap, sup telur, ayam madu, nasi ayam, fried chicken...Well, that's about it. I know it's quite pathetic. It's quite restricted because my husband NEEDS the rice, so I can't cook pasta or mee or bread or western type of food. Boohoo, my husband orang kampung!

We also don't have an oven. Shame! We thought staying here would be temporary and I was not even a cook to begin with, so we didn't buy one.

My husband also doesn't eat seafood/ fish/ beef. Basically, we can only eat rice with chicken everyday, it's boring, I know...

Anyway, this strenghtens my argument: I know how to cook, I just don't like to do it!

One time, I was frying the chicken, and the hot oil splashed onto my skin. It hurt so much, so I was yelling in frustration, "Sakitlah! Sakitlah, bodoh! Auw! Ouch! Sakit!"

My husband overheard me, and he laughed because he said I was "bergaduh dengan kuali".

(-___-)

-----

My husband always laugh at me.

We stayed up to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

I enjoyed introducing the countries, so, I immitated the emcee and annouced, somewhat like this...

"Australiaaaaa!"

"Vietnaaaam!"

"The United States of Americaaaa!"

My husband was amused that I did that, "You ni, tengah-tengah malam ni..."

Me: What? You tak tahu ke masa kecik-kecik dulu I nak jadi pengacara?

Husband: (Laughs)

Me: Eyy...Biase lah ni. Masa kecik-kecik dulu you tak buat ke? I selalu tau buat announcement macam ni dengan adik I.

Husband: Tak, I tak buat macam ni.

Me: Boringlah you!

Husband: Macam-macam you ni...

Yes, he still has a lot to learn about his wife.

"Malaysiaaaaaa!"

I won't be coming to my hometown in the first week of raya. Maybe in the third or fourth week instead.

Mother, with her mother's instinct, sent me a text asking about how am I doing, what's for iftar and subsequently, asked me about my raya plans.

I told her the sad news. Then I asked her about my other siblings, whom all should be nearer to her than me. She said she didn't know about their plans yet.

She also told me about my cousin who recently got married and is already pregnant. I guess her family is really fertile. Her sisters, one is older than me by one year, one is 3 months older than me, were also pregnant very early into the marriages.

When Father was still alive, he used to say, despite the wealth and rezeki we were blessed with, "Tapi kita ni miskin anak," he said.

I guess, what he said is kinda true. So far, since after his passing, Mother still only has three grandchildren. When there was only one, we had to wait for 9 years for another to come by. Now that all of her chidlren are independent and married, none of us shows any signs for more babies. Yet.

------

My husbsand I rarely quarrel. If we got into a big fight, it would be once in the blue moon. I love this relationship and I love my husband so much.

I think he is the main reason behind the low quantity of bickering. I respect his high tolerance level towards my erratic, irrational behaviours.

When he explodes, he would tell me about what I've been doing and how he's been patient with me. That would make me realize that I am far from being the perfect wife and I would cry.

He would leave me for no more than two hours and he would embrace me back into his arms, telling me how sorry he is, even though everybody in this world knows he is not to be blamed.

Such a sweetheart.

I am so lucky to have a husband who
- sends things I forget to bring to work
- carries my heavy bag to work, even though I am perfectly fine and healthy and so not pregnant
- brings back the bag from work to home because I refuse to carry it, it's so heavy!
- brings me the food of my choice like a delivery guy
- lets me stay friends with my friends
- consistently mops and sweeps the floor and washes the dishes

He's such a gem and I'm such a spoilt princess. Haha.

He comes by to my workplace so often, even the cleaning ladies recognize him!

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As you know, I am preparing for a trip, which is different from the normal vacation that I would usually have.

So, I've been filling up forms, for insurance etc.

At first, it feels kinda weird because my next-of-kin is no longer Father.

It feels weirder because if it was not Father, I would usually nominate Mother as my next-of-kin, but now, it's my husband.

I now belong to my husband.

If Father was still alive, I think I would still comfortably name him as the first person to contact if anything happens to me.

=(

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I have a new staff, I need to train him a lot.

He is also playful. On the other hand, I am trying to be the fierce boss. So that my staffs would be scared to approach me and make my life carefree because I would be having less people asking me about petty issues.

Like, "Benda macam ni pun nak tanya saya ke?!"

I've been establishing the reputation as the fierce but sweet, fierce but still approachable, fierce but still teaches you and has good intentions kinda boss, which I so enjoy.
As expected, I have less people calling me and they would rather call my colleagues if there was a slight problem. In the end, my other colleagues always need to stay back late after the office hours!

But this new staff that I need to train, he's somewhat different because he is not scared of me!

He bravely answers me back. When I am annoyed, he'd say something like, "Jangan marah-marah, bulan puasa ni tak baik marah. Ke, awak tak puasa hari ni? Hahaha..."

I can still tolerate him because at least, he is eager to learn. Whenever there's something that needed to be done, which is new to him, he would volunteer to do it despite not knowing a thing. I take that as a good thing.

Yesterday, we were attending a client. He selambe badak je pergi cakap dekat our client, "Pakcik, kitorang ni semua baik-baik. Kecuali boss saya ni. Dia selalu marah-marah saya."

Pakcik: Oh, ye ke...? Nikah dah ke?
Staff: Nikah dah...Ada dua anak dah...Hahaha...
Me: ......
Pakcik: Oh, dua dua ni nikah dah? (Pointing at both of us) Baguslah. Comel dia ni...
Me: Pakcik! Saya dah nikah, tapi bukan dengan dia!

Then I left the scene leaving my other colleague to supervise them. Gila awkward and uncomfortable...

Anyway, that Pakcik was quite funny. He's quite fluent in English, so I was curious.

Me: Pakcik, dulu Pakcik kerja apa?
Pakcik: Pakcik dulu tangkap orang jahat.
Me: Ohh...(Thinking he was a policeman)
Pakcik: Pakcik dulu umur 12 tahun dah kena mengajar.
Me: Ohh...(Patutlah pakcik pandai speaking, cikgu rupanya...)
Staff: Pakcik ni cikgu ke, kerja polis?
Pakcik: Pakcik tangkap orang jahat. Pakcik tangkap komunis!

Haha! Comel gila pakcik tu. Then he said we are a friendly lot. I guess, no other people tried to make conversation with him before this.

Drumrolls...

I got number 2.

One of my first responses were, "WTF. Why can't I ever win a lucky draw instead?"

So, automatically, we are going to the next level.

Malas nak layan.

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I think I've added another person to my hate list. My lady boss.

OMG. Today, she purposely humiliated me AGAIN. The irony thing is, she did that after she gave a short speech, "Saya ingin memohon maaf sebelum bulan puasa ni...Kalau ada terasa hati ke...Bukan saja salah sebelum ini, tapi juga salah selepas ini..."

She's such a fake kan!

I forgave her once or twice before. I seriously don't understand why she likes to target on me! Like, I have tried all my best to avoid her. She really has no reason to do that. What is your fucking problem, woman?!

After that, I called my husband, I was just this close to break down. I hate working here. I hate living here. I want to move away far from here. I'll show her one day. I'll show everyone one day.

I read this week's Postsecret. There's one secret telling about how he imagined murdering all his wife's ex-boyfriends. I thought that was sick. How could you wish death upon a person?

I came home, thinking about what happened this morning, and I imagined killing her. I imagined her die. That's when I realize how much I hate my lady boss.

Yes, I possess the sick thought of killing the person I really hate. Then, I thought again, I did have those imaginations before. When I hated other people before this. It's just that, I haven't hated anybody in a really long time that I forgot.

I hate her. I am going to leave this place. Then, I'll become famous and let her know. I won't ever talk to her, or even acknowledge her. I will have this grudge until the day I die. And I don't think I will ever forgive her. Let God asks me, and I will tell Him how I am really hurt by her.

Semoga Tuhan membalas dengan nikmat pada diri saya.

At this instance, I wish I am back at a shooting range and release hundreds of gunshots! I remember how good I felt afterward. Did you know I am an accurate shooter? Once, there were bottles tied to strings, and I was able to shoot the strings, multiple times, consecutively, even strangers clapped for me.

I wish I could blow up her head.

You must be thinking I am so sick. But that's the truth.