Okay, this is somewhat embarassing to admit, but one of the negatives about me is...

I ni kasar.

I've been getting comments on that occasionally but I never really thought I was. Whenever someone told me, "Awak ni kasar lah," I'd think, "Hhmmm...That's a weird thing to say to me," and I'd normally brush it off.

The first time I got that comment was when I was 16 and I had an 'unknown' fight with my roommate.

Basically, she was pissed at me because I didn't layan her. Well, it was the first week in that school, I was, of course, hanging out with people that I had chemistry with! One night, she cried, but I was already in deep slumber, then she told my senior about me, so that so-called concerned senior decided to send us to the councellor.

The thing is, she totally ambushed me. I was doing my thing when, "Eh, malam ni kita kena pergi Cikgu Jamilah tau," I was like, why???

Then only, in front of that teacher, I was finally aware about how she felt about me. She said I was not sensitive about her feeling, when she cried I never asked why- Well, it was the orientation week, so I slept through the night because I was so fatigue during the day, duuhh, you idiot! Just thinking about this makes me angry all over again! She should have confronted me instead of making a huge deal about it!

I looked like a badass because she cried and cried and wanted to hug me, while the whole time, I was, well, trying to figure what was going on, until the teacher/ counsellor MADE us apologize to each other.

Anyway, after that meeting, we returned to our room, and she said, "You know, Ectopy, awak ni kasar tapi manja."

WTF!!!!!!!

I went straight to my friends because I was so confused with that comment. How can somebody be manja and kasar at that time? And who is really manja, me or her, tell me, who is the one crying every single night and demanding for attention, you tell me!

My friends and I thought she was crazy. She was. She might still is.



Okay, I am getting sidetracked. So, back to my point, that was the first time someone had actually mentioned I was rough.

I was not really a tomboy, I am quite artsy farsty, probably I am not so ladylike in terms of my manners, but I really do dress well (hehe, perasan). I don't curse, except occasional bodohs that I give to things (not people) that deserve it.

My husband thinks I am rough too, but I thought that's just because he comes from the land of lemah gemalai that I sometimes rasa nak lempang je sebab buat kerja lembut dan lembab sangat macam tak ada tenaga. Senyum tersipu-sipu, seriously,  I memang testing my patience je (referring to my staffs who are from the land of lemah gemalai).

My work nature, other than involving a lot of human interaction, it also involves a lot of procedures which requires a lot of experiences to be good at them.

This year, I have time and mood to teach my staffs a lot of things, so one day, I was insturcting them how to do a procedure while I stood there to supervise. People generally learn better when they get to do it themselves, and they really appreciate when given a chance to do it. At least that's how I felt when I first started working.

My staffs started the procedure, but it was so slow, until my client complaint and beginning to raise his voice. So, I stepped in and took over, and just like that, the procedure is complete.

Little did I know, one of staffs who watch me doing it, was a little traumatized by it. It was his first time watching the procedure. He came to me, and said, "Ganasnya! Rasa ngilu!" making an awful face to match what he felt. I told him that's how you do it! Rough and quick and done.



Yesterday, I was assisting my colleague to do a procedure. While waiting, my client asked me to do something for him, so I did and he said, "Ganasnya..."

My colleague apologized on my behalf, "Sorry, Encik, dia ni memang ganas sikit tapi dia langsung tak ada niat nak berkasar."

I stood there, redfaced, and laughed.

Anyway, my colleague failed that procedure, again, I stepped in, a bit of push and done, less than 30 seconds, I swear.

My client said, "Hwejfhwoi," and I was like what? He said, "Lujwhedu," and I was like what? "Thank you! He said Thank you, Ectopy!" my colleague told me. Ganas, ganas pun, he said his gratitude to me! Haha, in your face!



I still would like to think that I ni kasar bertempat okay! Hehehe...I always thought I ni garang. And tough. But rough? Nahh...