Friday, October 26, 2012

A few weeks ago, when I had no Internet, I cried so much.

I think I hadn't cried that much since my last break-up.

I wanted something so badly, but then I found out that I didn't get it, through a friend.
Which was 10 times worse because I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself.

Actually, I didn't expect to react in such a way, but it was immediate. It was like blood shooting up my head, I needed to sit down. I distracted myself by doing work but as soon as my thoughts were back to that thing, I broke down.

I was almost unable to control myself that I needed to go home during lunch hour and cried myself to sleep.

My husband, he didn't understand the impact on me. He was supportive, but not as much as I wanted him to be.

He knew I was so upset because at night, I cuddled in his arms and said nothing but cried. He only realized how much I had wanted it when he saw how hurt I was not to get it.

It also bruised my confidence. I had to say how much I worth out loud, just because I thought it would probably help.
"I never failed in my life."
"I am smart but why didn't I get it."
"I always get what I want."
"It's not fair."
"This has never happened to me."

I didn't take it well.

The next day, it was fated that one of my good friends, Reza, called me.

He asked how I was doing and all the normal stuff friends ask. I had a good time chatting and catching up with him. Suddenly, it wasn't so bad at all.

We are good friends for years and years. I remember during the early days of our friendship, whenever he was upset, I would judge his situation and give him a time limit for his depression, depending on the severity. He would reciprocate the gesture when I was upset.

"Okay...Your problem takde lah teruk sangat...So, I bagi you tiga hari untuk you berkabung, okay! Lepas tu you kena forget about it and move on! Jom, kita pergi beli kek."

When he called me, I was reminded of the time when we used to encourage each other. I didn't tell him I was majorly sad, but I know that it did not worth more than one day of crying.

My time will come, as God has better plans for me.

1 comment:

Superwomanwannabe said...

"JOm, kita pergi beli kek"

the best thing he can say

cheer up girl..hope everything is ok now..although, a good cry can do good sometimes..i might just have one breakdown soon...! :) (Boleh predict ka?)