Was introduced to the brand Ann Taylor by www.whattechung.com

Feels like I am now more mature, hence, my style has shifted to be more demure, simple, classy and clean.

Bye bye fun clothes, I am into classic pieces now, especially white.

For the last few months, I've clicked on Ann Taylor website for so many times, I even fall in love with their ready-to-wear wedding collections. Tah kenapa tah gila baju kahwin...Haha. Tapi memang cantiklah...And so convenient that you can order your wedding dress online.

Bad news is, they don't ship to Malaysia.

Baru-baru ni, ada sale 60% off on most items, I weep inside...

My son had a fall in the bathroom.

When he grows up, I'm gonna tell him it's because he was stubborn and refused to follow what I said, which, by the way, had become last night's bedtime story.

My son loves water and whenever I give him a shower, he would take the opportunity to disobey me to continue playing with the water (because he knows I'm the only person who would layan what he wants).

Me: Baby K! Enough! Finish!

Baby K: (Grunts in disapproval)

Me: Sudah!

Baby K: (Makes angry face)

Me: Baby K!

Baby K: (runs away from me and falls down --> loud cry)

He was bleeding at the chin and in the mouth.

I picked him up and calmly tried to stop the bleeding.

Mother, as expected, panicked.

I soothed my baby and changed him. Changed my clothes and off we went to Hospital XXX.

Baby K was quite fine, actually. Had a good cry for probably 10 minutes. After that, he was more clingy and menangis mengada-ngada.

Saw the doctor, and he said Baby K needed to be admitted so the stitching could be done in the OT (operating theatre).

Me: What?! Can't you just give some medications that make him sleepy?

Nurse: Tak boleh, Kak. Kalau bagi tidur pun, dia mesti jaga punya.

Me: Is it deep?

Doctor: It's quite deep.

Me: How much is the total cost?

Doctor: About RM4k. So, when was his last meal?

I refused admission. Paid RM56 for nothing.

Went to a government hospital instead. Because I know they are more reluctant to admit patients unnecessarily.

By this time, my son was already happily running around. He chased after the cat and the cockroach, he even played hide and seek. Tak padan dengan baju berdarah-darah.

Our number was called. The doctor said, he would send us to procedure room for 'skinglue'.

Me: Boleh pakai skinglue?

Doctor: Boleh.

Me: Because, I went to a private hospital just now, and the doctor wanted to do it under general anaesthesia.

Doctor: No need.

Me: I think so too!

Doctor: Okay, pergi bilik sebelah ambil Panadol. Lepas tu pergi Bilik 13.

I skipped the Panadol part because, well, I nak cepat and my son didn't look like he was in so much pain. Haha. Sorry, Baby K, tapi satu kerja lah pulak Mommy nak paksa awak minum ubat!

So, masuk je Bilik 13, Baby K screamed and cried. Tak buat apa-apa lagi dah berdrama...

Mommy tak kira, Mommy tekan bahu kuat-kuat. Mommy tahu itu semua lakonan saja. Habis je the procedure, keluar Bilik 13, automatic Baby K senyap lalu ajak main lagi... (-___-")

Me: Dah siap. Anything else?

Doctor: Ini prescription ubat.

Me: Apa tu?

Doctor: Panadol.

Me: Tak apalah. I beli sendiri. I dah ada dekat rumah. Thank you!

-----

When we were small, my parents never brought me or my siblings to government clinics/ hospitals if we fell sick. So, I grew up thinking- (1) there was no govenment clinic. (2) there was only government hospital, and they are for really, really sick patients.

Now, I have many doctor friends. And I also found out you only have to RM1 for a visit to the government clinic/ hospital.

I have nothing against the government hospital because I think, they are there to help the rakyat. And in my opinion, the rakyat should not abuse the facilities!

Me, for example, I could afford to go to the private hospital, so I went there.

But, I was not happy with the doctor's recommendations, so I went to the government hospital instead.

However, all the while I was there waiting for our turn, I felt so guilty! I felt like I was robbing other people's needs. They might need to see doctor more urgently than we had to. I felt like they had to wait longer because my son and I took a number. I also felt like I was misusing the service.

And that's why I refuse to take the Panadol the doctor had prescribed for Baby K.

For RM1, my son received skinglue and SteriStrip, which I know, should cost a lot more than that. I could buy the Panadol from the pharmacy, I even could buy the flavoured medicine.

How can I accept the Panadol, when I knew, at that time, the people in the East Coast were in a huge flood, which destroyed the hospitals and their pharmacies and all the medicines?

My act may be small, but I hope I could somehow, contribute. Contribute so that they would have leftover medicines for the people who are really in need. Contribute so that the people who really could not afford to see the GP, could see the doctor faster.

Although, I can argue, the facilities are for people from all walks of life, besides, I pay my taxes, but I think, our society is so used of taking instead of giving, don't you think? We love to take, take, take.

We don't prioritize our needs.

"Let's go to the RM1 Clinic! So, I can use the money I save to buy that handbag..."

Seriously, you would rather spend your money on a handbag, instead on your health?

And please don't complaint about the waiting time...

With RM1, my son got satisfactory treatment. I didn't mind the 3 hour wait. In fact, I was so happy that my son didn't need to be admitted. Sakit sikit je tu...

I'm such a cool mom! If I wasn't there, I'm sure Mother or my husband would have simply followed the doctor's orders and made my son go through unnecessary procedure.

Tadi, ada sesi berjumpa supervisor and mendapat puji-pujian. Tapi, mesti ada tapi, dalam pujian ada teguran.

"Perhaps you should be a little more hardworking," she said.

I terkejut. Nak tergelak pun ada. Because...

Is it really that obvious!!!

Tu lah, malas nak buka buku, tapi nak sambung belajar, pastu stress nak exam, buat style orang bujang study last minute...Old habits die hard...Tapi sikap ini jangan dicontohi ye...Walaupun it sometimes works for me, but you shouldn't take that risk.

I ni...Macam mana nak berubah ye!

Anyway, after that session, I felt a little bit better. Sikit je lah. Because they believe in me! Apa masalah I dengan self-esteem ni haa...

My colleague, who's in the same boat, said her husband is not happy with our tight schedules and long working hours.

Ye lah, nak buat macam mana kan...

I'm glad my husband is very supportive. Terlebih supportive kadang-kadang.

Husband: You kena sambung belajar...
Me: Tapi...I malaslah...Exam susah! I nak berhenti kerja...
Husband: Tak boleh. You kena tunjuk dekat Baby K yang you ni hebat.
Me: Alaaa...
Husband: You kena ingat Father. Dia hantar you belajar tinggi-tinggi, takkan you nak stop...Jangan sia-siakan peluang ni. You kan bijak, you mesti boleh buat.
Me: You cakap senanglah! Bukan you yang kena buat semua ni!
Husband: Nanti, I boleh ikut pergi overseas...
Me: Tak semestinya dapat pergi overseas...
Husband: Ala, lepas ni, you boleh berhenti kerja and buat business sendiri. Dapat banyak duit.
Me: Tapi, I nak tolong orang susah!
Husband: Boleh juga tolong orang susah kalau dah kaya nanti...
Me: Kenapalah you tak kaya...
Husband: I kaya jugak lah!
Me: Hahaha...Tapi kawan I tu, dia berhenti kerja jaga anak...Bestnya...Lepas tu, suami dia belikan dia handbag, kasut...
Husband: I pun belikan untuk you juga!
Me: Tapi I nak berhenti kerja!
Husband: Cubalah dulu...I selalu doakan you untuk berjaya.
Me: Ala, you sebenarnya nak tumpang glamour je kan? Tapi I yang susah!

Basically, I had the above conversation when I was in no mood.

Padahal, kalau my application was turned down hari tu, I yang menangis macam orang gila, lepas tu depress rasa diri tak beguna.

Bipolar betul.
Apakan daya, aku hanya manusia...
Hehe.

One day, my husband came home, telling me how he had spent his afternoon at the car showroom, mingling with the salesmen and their customers.

"Abang dah tahu dah macam mana diorang tukar-tukar kereta!"

He began to explain the method, which I no longer can remember howvbut it made a bit of sense at that time.

"So, kita pun boleh buat macam tu. Main rolling-rolling je! Setiap 3 tahun, kita tukar kereta."

I nodded. "Tapi," I said, "kita orang Islam tak bolehlah buat macam tu. I tak sukalah hutang-hutang ni..."

*****

A few months ago, I was car shopping.

Me: Model ni, ada discount?
Saleman: Kalau you beli model ni, diskaun RM5 ribu. Lepas tu, I bagi you free bla bla bla...
Me: Model ni pula?
Saleman: Yang ini, discount RM3k. Tapi esok sudah boleh dapat. Bla bla bla...

Me: Kalau I bayar cash?
Salesman: Kalau cash, tak ada discount.
Me: Haaa? Apasal pula? Saya nak bayar cash, patutnya you lagi banyak bagi saya discount and free gift!
Salesman: Ohh...Ini bank punya policy.

Kalau macam tu, bukan discountlah namanya!
You still make profit via the bank loans kan...
Meaning, all the free gift you promised tu, sebenarnya tak free pun!

Cisss!!!

I rasa tertipu...

In the end, I beli kereta tu. Payung pun I tak dapat!
*Rolls eyes*

Tak tahulah accurate ke tak cerita ni...But my husband told me that his friend who's working with a credit card company said the wife of a politician spends a fortune.

Then, we imagined the things we can do with that much money.

Then, my husband said, "Kalau dia bagi points dekat kita pun tak apa."

We chuckled at the thought.

"Betul juga! Mesti dia tak redeem points dia kan..."

Haha. Dapat points pun dah puas hati. I ni memang kaki redeem point!

I always say to my husband, "Bertuah you ni dapat isteri pandai jimat duit..."

Sekarang update blog tukar style.

Update pendek-pendek.

Orang nak baca pon senang.

Nak type pon senang. Apa rasa, update cepat-cepat!

Tadi, I tried to come home early. Early pon, 7.30pm baru sampai. Anyway, was happy to see my baby. He asked for milk, then, he fell asleep.

Alaaaaa...!!!

I owe my family an apology.
Semuanya sebab Mommy nak sambung belajar.
Berjauhan dari Daddy sebab Mommy nak timba pengalaman baru yang lain.

Salah Mommy.

Tapi Mommy harap, pengorbanan ni tak sia-sia.

Ilmu itu dituntut.
I hope I can serve the community better.
I hope I can represent the Muslimat in this field, Fardhu Kifayah.
And I hope to teach you that learning is neverending, you just don't stop.

(Dan ini semua ayat memujuk hati)

I never knew I possess this amount of patience until my son tested me with his tantrums.

The old me would have exploded.

For the past 1 year and 4 months, I had lost patience only twice. The first, when he was 2 months old, I was tired and alone and he kept crying and woke up everytime I put him down. I felt paralysed. One point, I just screamed to dilute his cry.

The second time was when he was around 4 months old. I can't remember what exactly happened, all I can remember that I lost it.

Of course, I felt so bad afterwards. He was just a baby and didn't know anything. I was supposed to protect him.

I was still adjusting at that time. And I remember that I was really frustrated toward my husband. I thought he purposely made himself busy so he can avoid taking care of our baby. I also thought he was hu ha at work while leaving me at our messy home. How fun, he could take a break while I can't.

Then, I started to work and I learnt to juggle things and Baby K was thriving well. I've never lost patience since.

Even when I came home tired, Baby K is always my priority. I even pity him (and myself) because Mommy has to leave him for work, so often.

Just now, Baby K had the worst tantrums.

Now that he's taking his afternoon nap, I'm glad I kept my cool. He's just a baby and he was just sleepy and wanted to play. He was in a foul mood but I remember the many other days when he was so well behaved and adorable.

Mother witnessed how I handled him.
She must have been proud of how much I've changed.

Thank you, Baby, for teaching me about patience. Love you forever.

Not many people know I am furthering my studies.
Because I am scared if I fail.

Exam is getting near.
I told my friends who know about my worry.

Funny how they have more confident in me than myself
- you're a genius
- you're smart
- you'll pass surely

This has put even more pressure on me! Now, I need to meet everybody's expectations!

My exam has probably 25-35% passing rate. 40% at most. Definitely not 50%.

I wish they underestimate me. Then, if I passed, I'd surprised everyone.

And I really, really don't want to fail because I don't want to prolong this journey and I need to get out from there as soon as possible.

An 80 year-old gentleman with his 76 year-old wife, both using walking sticks, hand in hand.

That's the kind of Makcik I want to be.

The kind who instantly warms other people's hearts for doing nothing but being me.

Inspiring.

I hope my husband and I will grow old together and we will always holding hands.

:)

If sometimes you are not happy with your work or you're lazy to come for work, remember
- be thankful that you have a job. There are so many people out there who wish they had jobs
- be thankful that you are healthy to be able to do work. There are so many people out there who wish they are healthy so they can work

And, if you're unhappy because you have to work when you're not supposed to, remember
- at least you can claim those extra hours
- if you can't claim, hopefully your work will benefit other people. Sesungguhnya, orang yang disukai Allah adalah orang yang bermanfaat pada orang lain

Because I found out I will be called tomorrow. Gaaahhh!!! Sabar, sabar. Sleep well tonight and don't mind tomorrow. Ikhlas.

Hari ni, asyik gaduh je dengan colleagues/ bosses/ clients...

The worst I had today, happened just now.

My staff told me that I have a pending work to do. So, I said okay, and had my meal first.
Then, my boss arrived.
Suddenly, he accused me for being lazy and calculative because he said I refused to help me.

Me: (WTF!) Saya tak ada pun kata saya tak nak buat.
Boss: Ada staff cakap you tak nak buat.
Me: Which one?
Staff 1: Akak tak ada pun cakap Miss macam tu.
Staff 2: (Shaking her head)
Boss: Yang itu, you have to sort it out between you and your staff.
Me: I baru je tahu pasal case ni 15 minit lepas. Tadi, I baru settle kan another case. I planned to help you after I had my meal. That's why I went to eat first. I never said I did not want to clerk this case. Masa staff inform I pasal case ni, I langsung tak ada buat muka ke, naik suara ke...

Then, he changed topic. And he started to cool down a bit. (Ciri-ciri orang guilty)

When he left, I turned to my staff:

Me: Siapa yang bagitahu saya  tak nak buat kerja tu?! Saya nak bunuh dia!
Staff 1: Saya baru je keluar toilet masa Boss datang tadi. Saya langsung tak cakap apa-apa. Saya bersumpah atas anak saya!
Staff 2: Akak pun tak cakap macam tu.
Staff 3: Bukan saya...Saya faham masa tu Miss nak makan dulu...

Staff 2: Miss, Boss tu penat tu...Sebab tu dia macam tu.
Me: Ye...Saya tahu dia penat. Tak apa lah...Tapi, tak baiklah buat macam tu. Kalau tak, tak pasal pasal, kita pula yang bergaduh. Dah lah tadi saya kena maki dengan client. Tapi saya sabar je. Sebab saya fikir client saya tu tak sihat, sebab tu dia maki saya.

I went into my room and called my husband.
Then I cried. But he didn't know, of course. I maintained my usual cheerful self. I'm a damn good actress!

Biasa lah kan, kerja memang macam ni.




Over last weekend, I met a friend over lunch.

She told me the story when a client of hers spat on her. The saliva hit her her shoe.

She said, "Ectopy, I didn't study for years to be spat like that..."




Men...Why do they get so irritable when

- hungry
- tired
- lack of sleep

Seriously!
Kalau husband mula menunjukkan ciri-ciri nak cari gaduh tu, all I have to do is:
- Look at the time
- Realize it's his mealtime
- Cepat-cepat feed him before it gets worse




I had a great week last week.
My little family spent precious time together for 7 full days!
I just need to write this down so I can direct my mind to a happier place.

I know my boy was very happy to have both of his parents by his side. Clingy to my husband, as usual. Loves the swimming pool. Acted like a big kid when he wanted to jump into the pool.

I was happy too. And I'm so glad to be married to my husband. He's a great man. May we have a blessed life.

Actually, I have tons of things to write.

But, what's on my mind right now is...

Well, I just had a client, an ex-engineer, and whose one of the children is also an engineer.
So, I thought, okay, should have no problem is terms of payment.
Then, the daughter was talking about the possibility of asking help from Baitulmal.

I was surprised, of course. On the surface, I get the impression that they come from a quite well-to-do family. The father speaks English very well. He even had an iPad and a smart phone next to him while talking to me!

I don't know lah whether I am a shallow person, but to me, it's quite hard to believe that you don't have RM10k when you can afford an iPad .

This has made me thinking:

- When I get the impression that you should not have financial problems based on your appearance, are you telling me that you are actually broke? Does that mean you spend your money just to look affordable when in actual fact, you are not? Why do you that?

- You are an engineer. Don't you have RM10k in your bank account? Okay, you don't have RM10k. RM5k, maybe? And certainly your children can chip in to top up to required the amount?

- I'm glad I don't work with donated money/ zakat. Don't you thing it's a huge responsible? You have to be jujur, telus dan amanah. I once met a lady who works in this department. She's in charge in distributing the money to the needy. Sometimes, it's quite difficult to fully assess the financial situation of a family. She told me, before she gives out the money, she always asks the recipient,
"Pakcik, duit yang saya nak bagi ni, hasil kutipan Zakat. Pakcik rasa, Pakcik layak tak dapat Zakat?"

When she explains it that way, most recipients would pause and think for a moment, reassessing back their status. Sometimes, the reply she gets is,
"Pakcik rasa tak payahlah. Anak Pakcik ada kerja...Boleh tolong..."

But of course, this only applies to people who truly understands the weight of accepting something you are not eligible to.

- Same goes to my client. I mean, wouldn't you question yourself until you cannot sleep at night, thinking, my iPad is RM1k, my phone is RM1k, my laptop is RM1k, I watch Astro, I use the Internet 4G, I dine at nice restaurants, but I don't have any savings...

- The same lady, told me about her dilemma she once faced. She received a call from Somebody to give the donation money to a YB. He's a YB, pangkat Dato', he was surely not eligible for the Welfare money! But, if she didn't use up the allocated fund for that year, the amount would be reduced in next year's budget. Nanti kesian pulak dekat orang tahun depan.

- I mean, if I was that Dato', (and even as rakyat jelata) I wouldn't even request for it in the first place! Itu kan duit Welfare. Okay, it might not necessarily be donated to the fund, the Government gives the money to the Welfare. But, one of the sources of the Government's income kan from the tax payers. Which means, it's also my money, and I don't want to give my money to you lah, Dato'! Oh, don't tell me the BS of- I pay the tax, so why can't I use the tax money...How much do you actually pay per year?

- Of course, one could argue that Zakat money can be distributed to those who are in debts. But I strongly think are certain conditions for that. I pun ada hutang juga (and am so not proud of it) tapi I don't think I fall under the category of one of the Asnafs.

- I once read my friend's status on Facebook (bless my friends, most of them always share informative and beneficial status updates): One of the reasons why those in debts should be helped with Zakat money is because Allah doesn't like His slaves to be in debts. Hence, we should try our best to avoid being in that situation. Jika berhutang, langsaikan cepat-cepat. Orang yang banyak berhutang itu sebenarnya orang miskin.

- Many people condemn our Zakat centre. Macam-macam kata. Makan duit Zakat lah, tak distribute duit Zakat lah...
Honestly, as a person who's never worked there, I, myself can't imagine doing their work. How do you choose? Man, it's hard work to work there! I'll be fearing my life every night thinking whether I've made the right decisions. Ini duit Zakat weih...

Lepas tu, kalau tak bagi, orang mulalah nak mengutuk.

But, how do you really assess? There so many people falsifying their statements these days. Come on, it's quite common to see parents lowering their household income just so their children can get the PTPTN loan, right? (Lepas tu, tak bayar balik...Another story!)

I see them giving out the money, no problem. But sometimes, I see people who I think are not eligible, bringing letters to the Zakat centres, and also receive the money.

The people yang benar-benar layak? Possibly don't even know how to get to the Zakat centre! Just waiting for house visits at their home...

- To be fair, this subject is relative. A single person who earns RM3k might be enough to sustain herself. But a father with 3 kids who's living in KL, RM3k is not enough.

- When I see more and more clients requesting help from NGO, I am wondering, is our country really that poor? When our country keeps trying to convince us that we are in prosper, I keep getting more and more people needing financial aid.

- You know the saying, 'Beggars can't be choosers?'
Haha. Could no longer apply it in today's world. From what I encounter, some beggars can be choosers!
When we offer them a cheaper option (and of course, comparable! Eg: Cheaper but lasts longer, compares to pricier but faster), many opts for the more expensive option.

They think, expensive is better (despite our extensive explanation). So, they demand for the more expensive option.

"But, we have to wait for the funds from the Welfare. Perhaps you can pay half?"
"No. I don't have money. Can't you help me get it sooner? I've been waiting for so long, I can't wait anymore!"
"We are trying our best."

Since you have been waiting for so long, shouldn't you have a little bit of savings to help yourself?
What have you done all this while? Just sit and wait and demand like you're the only one applying?

- Do people have become more and more unwilling to pull money out of their own pockets? Have we become so spoiled? Are we becoming a lazy nation?

- I hope I could teach my children to save. And to set their priorities straight. If you don't have money for something important, eliminate all of your unnecessary expenditures!

- Please pray for me so I'll be debt free soon! Hutang duit lebih senang nak langsai daripada hutang servis ni...

Okay. Dahlah tu. Sekian essay hari ni.
Sebenarnya banyak lagi cerita lain yang best yang nak ditulis.

Why did I choose this topic in the first place! Grrr...

Today, I am gonna talk about my son.

I think, my son is mostly a quiet little person. You rarely hear his voice. He grunts when he wants something, knows how to cry when he doesn't get the things he want.

And when the crying happens, boy, could he cry for a very long time...So, terpaksalah pujuk or distract him.

I am always amazed that despite the lack of words, somehow I could understand him.
I think, compared to his father, I'm just a little more observant.

For example, when I look at him, I can see his eyes are fixated on something, which means he will eventually want it. So, when he starts to grunt, I know exactly what he's asking for. And now, he knows how to point at things with his index and middle fingers.

Every time I correctly guess his wants and needs, I instantly feel a rush of satisfaction, as if, we have a special bond between us (which we do!). Haha. Padahal all you need is to watch and learn his body language lah...

I remember the times when he was just learning to walk.
He fell down many times, and he picked himself up over and over again. And look at where he is now, walking, almost running and growing up healthily.
I remember thinking, my own son is reminding me about life- Never give up. You need to fall down before learning to walk. Even a baby could do it, so why can't you?

So, I hope, in the future, whenever I feel all hopeless, I would remind myself about the time my baby was learning to walk (and soon, the time when he learns how to ride a bicycle etc).

I tend to ignore him when he falls down. Simply because I think he needs to toughen up a little. Also, I realize he is usually fine when he thinks I am not watching. Kalau I tegur sikit, mulalah nak melalak. Alahai...

When we first moved back to Mother's house, he was very fascinated by the cats.
Sekarang, dia dah tak heran. Malah, kuat mengacau kucing-kucing.

Sometimes, I find scratches on his hands and legs. Tapi, tak ada pulak dia menangis pulak. Bila kucing tu cakar dia, dia buat selambe je...Memang tak serik serik.

One time, I was feeding with fish crackers. Tapi dia buang buang. So, the cats came running eating the bits off the floor. Pandai pulak si kenit tu nak dengki dengan si kucing. Dia pukul kepala kucing tu tak nak bagi makan. Dia pulak pergi kutip masuk mulut.

Shheeesshhh!

Last February, my colleague showed a video of her 10-month-old daughter swaying her little body while listening to the nursery rhymes. My boy was 6 months old. I remember being excited for my son to turn 10 months old so he would develop his dancing skills.

Nope. It did not happen. Yet.
Body keras kot anak I ni...

Kalau tengok Hi 5, mak dia yang terlebih excited berjoget joget. Baby K tu duduk tercegat je...
Why you no fun!

Mother said, "Cucu-cucu lain tak ada pun macam ni...Time Baby K ni, habis pasu pecah! Barang tak boleh letak rendah-rendah."

Susah sangat nak ambil a proper smiling picture. Tak reti duduk diam. Aktif betul.
Nanti I letak gambar dia okay!

Here's the chronology:

When I first found out about the I Want to Touch a Dog event, first thing that came to my mind:
What a stupid event! Why do we even need such event! I am not scared of the dogs. I love the dogs. I know what to do if I accidentally touch a wet dog. Dogs are nice like cats.
Why do we need an event specifically to touch a dog? How stupidddd...
Why so jakun one?!!!

Then, event happened. Read the stupid comments.
Here's what I think:
The dog issue has been blown out of proportion.
Only in Malaysia.

"Haram sebab pegang anjing saja-saja."

What do you mean pegang saja-saja? The event was created to promote awareness. Tolonglah jangan pendek akal. The event was created to kill the stigma among non-Muslims have toward the Muslims. They think we are dangerous, we are terrorists, we hate the dogs!

Well, you know what? Islam doesn't hate the dogs. We love and respect all animals. We just can't touch them as freely as we want.

And you know what I hate even more?

That we needed to create an event just to prove this!

Arrgghhh!!! Tarik rambut...!

"Posing with the dogs is like posing with your own shit. Because dogs are najis. Would you like to peluk cium najis sendiri?"

OMG, no wonder we just had to organize an event like that!
Because of this kind of mentality lah.

I still can't believe this is happening in Malaysia.

When I was young, Father used to bring us visit his friends, the non-Muslims, and some of them had dogs. The dogs were their pets. When we arrived, sometimes, the dogs were running freely, but they would quickly restrain them and let us into the houses.
We respected each other.

My uncle and aunt have many cats. There were dogs in the neighbourhood. My uncle and aunt feed them sebab kesian. The dogs end up guarding the house for them. My uncle and aunt doesn't let the dogs inside the house compound, but the dogs think they are their masters. Some people call animal control to catch/ shoot the stray dogs. But my uncle wouldn't let them. He even paid the animal control people to not shoot the dogs!

I thought it was normal. Aren't those things normal to you, as well?
Apparently, not, sampai kena buat event besar-besaran gitu...

You kata, you live in the city. Takkan kawan you semua Muslim? You tak ada non-Muslim friends?

You kata, you live in the kampung. Orang dekat kampung kan are usually lebih mesra and neighbourly. Kampung you tak ada non-Muslims yang bela anjing ke?

Then, I went overseas and most of the dogs are very well-behaved (they are very smart indeed). No problem there. Tak pernah pulak ada complaint, there are too many dogs in the park, therefore, I won't sit on the grass. Tak pernah pulak, saya tak mau pergi rumah orang putih tu sebab rumah dia ada anjing, dia makan babi, rumah dia ada simpan arak. Pandai pulak dekat negara orang, duduk senyap senyap.

I don't understand us, Malaysians. Why are we okay with the dogs when we are overseas, but not okay with the dogs when we are in our own country? Because we like to show who's the boss?

And we always pride ourselves for the fact we live "dalam masyarakat majmuk". Tapi kenapa tak ada toleransi? Majmuk apa ni kalau some individuals don't even have friends from other races!
(True story. I once met an Indian girl who said, "Hi! What's your name, again? It's so difficult to remember your name. I never had a Malay friend before this!" We were 25 years old)

(Oh, and I remember I wrote here about the time I went hiking. And there was a dog. My friend and I didn't mind the dog, bukannya anjing tu kacau orang pun. And the Chinese auntie was like, "You are different. You aren't like the typical Malays." I was stunned by her comment, and I thought, "Well, it shows that you don't have enough Malay friends". Now, I am ashamed and now I understand what she meant by that!)

And why must we judge people?

"Mereka yang pegang anjing tu, belum tentu pernah pegang Al-Quran dan belum tentu pernah mengusap kepala anak yatim."

This upsets me so much! Kenapa sampai sebegitu hina sekali your assumption to those who touch the dogs?

I have a friend from the Borneo, whose parents are the first generation in the family to revert to Islam, and they still have dogs. The dogs live under his kampung house.

How would he feel after reading all of your stupid comments?

And the press photos! Why do they only show photos of Muslim women in their tudungs with the dogs? Weren't there Muslim men as well? Saja je kan nak tunjuk perempuan pakai tudung dengan anjing? Saja je kan nak bagi provokasi?

I'm glad my husband is with me in this case.

And together, we will teach our children, not to be afraid of dogs. Dogs are God's creatures.
Anjing bukannya haiwan yang hina.
Yang menjadi najis itu adalah apabila ia basah.

Buat apa nak lari bila nampak anjing? Kenapa nak tergedik gedik bila nampak anjing? Ada ke mak bapak ajar anak pukul anjing? Kalau dah terkena, tak ada hal, bukannya tak ada cara nak menyucikan!

And, I wrote here before too...About hunting dogs (as quoted from a Facebook friend of mine).

"From Ibn Qayyim- Dogs generally do not have a high status in Islam. Even the saliva of a dog is najis. However, God allows hunting dogs and consumption of animals hunted by the hunting dogs. Obviously, when the hunting dogs catch the prey, the saliva of the dogs will get stuck on the prey. How would this work then?

The difference between the hunting dog (al-mukallib) and the regurlar dog is the ilm of the dog. There are three prerequisites for the dog to be al-mukallib

- when the owner tells the dog to go, it goes

- when the owner tells the dog to stop, it stops

- it doesn't eat from the prey that it catches

The only difference between a dog and a hunting dog (al-mukallib) is the knowledge, and Allah even raises a dog in status because of its knowledge. So, what about human being?

Adapted from a tazkirah by Sh Omar Suleiman."

So, yeah.

As much as I hate all the stupid comments, I also hate that we had to come to this: Create a stupid event when we don't have to in the first place!
Sayangi semua haiwan. Common sense lah weih...
Yes, we have restrictions toward the dogs, tapi tak payah lah besar-besarkan hal kecil macam ni.
I malu lah!
Please don't embarass me...Don't embarass my religion.

Hello, hello!

Setiap kali nak tulis, tiba-tiba jadi busy, or, tiba-tiba takde mood.

And I just recovered from a bad case of diarhhoea and vomiting.
Even vomited in my car and on my bed, I tell you!
Braced the symptoms for 2 days. Came to work on the third day, feeling all weak, and finally decided to see the doctor for a well-deserved MC.
Weighed myself and I am now 44kg!

OMG! Terkejut badak I!

Patutlah semua seluar dah longgar londeh.

When was the last time I weighed this much? When I was 14, maybe. It had always been around 50kg, yo-yoing between 48 to 52kg. And I was happy with that weight. My husband was very happy when I was 52kg.

Badan memang sedap-sedap gebu gebu gitu...Pipi plump and full gitu...(Or maybe because I was firmer due to the fact I was younger at that time?)

44kg tinggal tulang rangka je lah oiiii...Thank you breastfeeding, it's all your fault Baby K...

Kena makan banyak banyak.
But my appetite hasn't fully recovered yet. Lapar, memang lapar. Tapi tak lalu makan...

Oh, well...
The important thing is, thank God it was me who suffered from the infection instead of my baby!

Just now, my staff asked me, "Miss, macam mana nak jadi kurus?"

Me: Breastfeeding.
Staff: Tak ada baby lah...
Me: Anak umur berapa?
Staff: Anak umur 5 tahun.
Me: Haaa...Kena tambah lagi lah tu...
Staff: Tak ada rezeki lah, Miss...Saya dah berpisah dengan suami saya...
Me: Ooohhh...Anak duduk mana?
Staff: Anak duduk dengan suami dekat Kedah.
Me: Haaa...Jauhnya...Bila boleh jumpa?
Staff: Jumpa setahun sekali je...

Oh, sebaknya! Okay, mula-mula tak sebak sebab tak nak emo. But, when I was taking a shower just now, I kept thinking about it and it made me cry...

Like, eh, how come the child is with the husband when the mother carried the child for 9 months and gave birth to the child!

Then again, it is not really my place to judge lah. Perhaps, it is better that way. Susah jadi single mother. Lagi susah bila berjauhan dengan anak. Dah lah anak kecikkkkk lagi...

So, I doakan, agar anak my staff tu sentiasa sayang and hargai mak dia, and grow up to be understanding walaupun dapat jumpa setahun sekali je...

Ah, sedihnya...

Anyway...I tak pernah take as long as this to recover. Usually, 3 hari maksimum. Ni dah nak masuk seminggu, I am still not 100% myself.

Is there a possibility I'm pregnant?

Low. We've used precautions and it's not like we do it regularly (LDR sucks).

I can check...But I'm scared...

I'm scared if I am indeed pregnant. Am I ready?
And I'm also scared if I am not! Because I'd be disappointed. And that's why I've been delaying the pregnancy test...Esoklah okay? Tak ada masa nak pergi pharmacy nak beli the pregnancy kit lah...!

And...I'm also scared if I am pregnant and I might offend my sister who is still not pregnant yet.
We are not very close but I do care and I don't want to hurt her feelings lah okay.
I know she wants a child really bad...
She's been having medical check-ups and stuff...
And as much as I know she shouldn't be stressing too much about it because, alaaaa...Baru 2 tahun kahwin! Relax lah dulu...
But I know she couldn't help but be bothered about it (of course, because I was in her shoes before!)
And...The fact the guy who used to really fancy her and really went after her and really won Mother's heart (but not my sister's) got married and they too just had a beautiful baby and flaunting her on Facebook.
It must be difficult for my sister.



Oh. And last but not least...Bridesmaids...

Haha.

So, there's this girl who's getting married and she recruited her entourage of bridesmaids...And, I so happen to know that some of her bridesmaids are, well, not worthy to become her bridesmaids.
Because, her bridesmaids don't even like this girl!

They even bad mouthed her bla bla bla...You know, that sort of things...

I didn't have bridesmaids.
Mainly because my wedding was very low-key. And, I don't have too many girlfriends...
My sister was my pengapit.

And I always thought bridesmaids are supposed to be, you know, the bride's BFF, through thick and thin!

Berlakon je semua tu eh? It's just for show?

Hhhmmm...

Ataupun, my other theory is, it's a one-way relationship. The bride thinks they are her BFF, and has no idea what's going on behind her back. But, still, if you're not a hypocrite, just turn down the invitation lah kan...

I'm too old for the drama lah.

And I am never a bridesmaid! Can you believe it? A prove that I live in my own world...

Kesian pulak I rasa diri I ni...

I work with a lot with people. People from the lower class, people from the upper class...Some are really humble and thankful, some are arrogant and tak sedar diri...

There was this one client, who claimed he was poor and unable to afford the bills, so he was funded by Zakat. However, he demanded like he was a paying customer. Of course, my staff denied his requests, then, he made an official complaint, claiming that just because he was poor, he was not respected, he was looked down and the service he received was different.

My staff was so angry. She told me,

"Miss, Miss tau tak apa perasaan saya? Saya rasa macam, setiap bulan saya tolak gaji saya untuk Zakat, tapi duit tu dapat pada orang yang tak guna macam tu. Dia guna duit tu beli rokok. Lepas tu tak bersyukur langsung. Tak sedar diri pakai hasil Zakat."

I pun terkedu bila staff cakap macam tu. My staff don't make a lot of money. Jadi, mestilah ada rasa terkilan bila orang yang menerima Zakat tu langsung tak appreciate.

Sebenarnya, bukan Zakat je. Tax pun sama juga.

Sometimes, I meet people who are well-off but refuse to pay because "I know someone someone." Sometimes, I meet people whose "Father used to be someone someone," then suddenly, we received a call complaining pasal hal yang terlalu remeh temeh eg: "My son doesn't like your canteen food" or "My son finds it boring that you use that curtains."

How do we respond to that when we obviously have better things to do...

I think, it is mandatory for every individual to go through a period of hardship. At least, being taught to live in gratefulness.

I often wonder...I grew up fine, tak adalah kaya sangat, but comfortable. But, my parents never taught me that we can afford things or we are above everyone else. I only knew we lived a comfortable after Father chucked me into a boarding school which opened up my eyes to other types of people.

Then, I went abroad. People always think we would come back arrogant, but I think, I became more humble. I got to experience how to live as a minority, I learned how to shop for second-hands, I didn't have my own car, so I mostly walked, waited for the bus and slept at the airports/ train stations, worked part-time jobs, my education wasn't spoon-fed (like Malaysian style- don't know how it is now) and I think that's where most of my Malaysian friends became side-tracked: nobody monitored your activities, you can skip classes all you want, no attendances, no surprise I sometimes met coursemates I never knew existed on the day of the exams...

People think it was easy for us, but they don't know the different kinds of hardships we had to face.

Jadi, I selalu cannot digest lah kalau ada orang yang tak paham kesusahan orang lain ni. Because people always say, ikut resmi padi, semakin berisi, semakin tunduk.

I understand, once you reach a certain level, you want to use that power to speed things up, for example. But every single time? Come on...I faham kalau you Perdana Menteri ke (ada masalah negara yang perlu diselesaikan stat), tapi kalau setakat VIP sipi sipi tu...Sigh...Lepas tu, dahlah nak cepat, servis tip top, tapi tak nak bayar! OMG!

Ada seorang client ni, dia okay je, tak banyak kerenah. Tapi anak dia yang over tau...Very demanding, and disrespectful. She treated my staff like slaves...Some of the things she demanded, were not even within my staff's job scopes. Lepas tu, cakap kasar. One time, she yelled, "Eh, aku boleh bayarlah! Aku bayar!" Like, please, kalau kurang ajar macam tu, boleh bayar pun kitorang tak hairan. And in the end, dia tak bayar pun!

It's very sad kan?

Paling sedih kalau jumpa orang miskin yang baik hati...Walaupun sedih, they are my favourite clients to work with. They could be inspiring.

Kenapa tah tiba tiba nak tulis pasal ni hari ni.

Mungkin pasal politik kot...I strongly believe a politician should be a successful person who is close to the rakyat. Baru dia boleh paham kan...Tak kisahlah kalau dia anak orang kaya pun, asalkan dia faham there are so many poor people in the society that need help...





Sebenarnya anak I tengah sakit. Kesian sangat. Batuk batuk, lepas tu muntah.

Lepas tu, dia frust sebab tak boleh tidur. He still suckles on me, tapi macam mana nak menyusu kalau hidung tersumbat dengan hingus.

Which leads to lack of sleep and becoming very whiny and clingy and irritable...Kesian sangat...Last last I tak tidur sebab nak letak Vicks dekat hidung dia. Last night, he was awake from 5pm until 2am. Menangis macam kena rasuk hantu...I knew he was sleepy but he couldn't even lie down.

Makan pun kurang, jadi banyak susu badan je. Tak sampai hati nak bagi susu botol kalau hidung tersumbat. Dah dua hari tak kerja. Hopefully he will recover by tomorrow.

And, hopefully he learns to slowly self soothes. Mommy tak larat lah sayang, awak dah big boy, dah 13 bulan dah, it's time to sleep on your own and no more nipple fiddling okay...Malulah!

Cerita anak sakit tak ada kaitan dengan cerita kerja.

Today, my friend had some issues with an airline company regarding her tickets. As she was telling me about it, it reminded me that I too needed to write an official complaint letter.

Anyway, write I did, and just now, I saw a reply in my e-mail. And here I am, too embarrassed and scared to read the e-mail. So, I procrastinate here instead.

I am always like this. Rasa berdebar debar nak baca reply, padahal sendiri yang berkobar kobar mengarang panjang lebar tadi. It's like looking at an important exam results. Nak tengok, taknak tengok, ah, nanti dulu!

I think, my e-mail just now, although sounded upset, was also funny at the same time. I imagined being at the receiving end, I would have chuckled a bit. I thought I was funny, I even called my husband just to tell him that he should read what I wrote once he's home.

Oh, yeah, I am spending one week with my husband, woot woot. Sad part is, he's working late tonight, and blogging it is!

So...Okay, maybe a little peak on what my complaint was about...Basically, I am unhappy because I was seated next to a gentleman on one of my recent flights. They should understand that I am travelling with an infant of below 2 years old and at any time, he would want to nurse. It would make us very uncomfortable if my son demanded for my boobs. Luckily, he was so well-behaved. But still, why can't they put me next to a woman in the first place?

------

I was talking to a close friend whom I've known since I was 19 years old. I was asking for his opinion since he had been to Japan for a number of times.

Me: Hey, adik you tinggal mana? Boleh tak nak tumpang letak luggage masa kitorang jalan-jalan nanti?

Friend: Boleh. Tapi dia tinggal jauh sikit, dekat University X. It takes one and half hour by train. Go Google it!

Me: Haa??? Let me Google for luggage storage instead!

Friend: Hahaha. You're still the same...

You are still the same.

I don't know what he meant by that. Have I changed so much? Why did he think I am not the same person?

We were very, very tight. I'd like to think we still are, but no, we can't be as close as before. I have a husband and a son.

I thought he would talk to me like we used to. Especially when he's going through big moments. I remember meeting him one day, and I asked, "Amir, bila nak ada girlfriend ni?"

He just laughed and said I should have an Instagram. Our other friend was there, and she was like, "OMG, you and Siti are together?"

I was offended a bit. I'm not a busybody friend, but given our history, yeah, I thought I should be informed about his love life. I don't even know her name! Hello, we had always tell each other about this kind of stuff, now suddenly I am a stranger?

No wonder he thinks I am no longer the same.

I feel like in the ending of How I Met Your Mother, except we were never romantically involved with any of the gang. Haha. Strictly platonic.

Still, isn't it sad that friendships drift away?

I am the type who cherish friendships because I don't have a lot of friends. But, I've gone through so many friendship drift-aways. Don't think I will ever forget all about our good times together. Come on, we practically grow up together!

And that's why I am trying to make my husband and my son my new best friends. I've ran out of friends. Tapi husband I malas nak layan I, and Baby K is still a baby.

Which means, I have a sad, sad life.

Hello, hello!

Been busy for the past 2 days, but was compensated by the presence of Boss Z. Heeee...

Gedik lah!

It's been long since I last had an innocent crush on someone. Now that I am feeling it again, rasa youthful pula! Hahaha, sila lempang diri sendiri!

The story was, I had to take care of the whole level because a colleague had to take an emergency leave. It was sweet of him noticing that I was all alone, so he asked how I was, have I had my lunch, did you have a busy day, you know, small things that somehow can make me happy because someone actually noticed!

As I have mentioned before, he is very soft-spoken. Seriously, everytime he opens his mouth, I have to stand right next to him to hear what he is saying. Mesti dia ingat I ni pekak badak agaknya. Haha. Well, I do tell him to speak louder. Sometimes, when he forgets, and I ask to repeat what he said, he does a gesture, turning up the imaginary volume button. I pun malu lah, hari hari nak kena cakap, "Haa??? Apa dia? What did you say?"

Chewaahhh...Macamlah hari-hari I jumpa dia. Padahal dua minggu je...

Anyway, on Friday, I was all alone, but we had some work together. Then, I continued my work and he went out.

Suddenly, my staff said

Staff: Miss, dia tu husband Miss ke?
Me: Haa??? (I ni memang ada masalah pendengaran kot)
Staff: Tu suami Miss ke?
Me: Siapa?
Staff: Boss Z tu suami Miss ke?
Me: Takkkk!!! Oh, my God!!! Suami saya orang lain!!! (Terkejut badak lah masa ni) Kenapa akak cakap Boss Z tu suami saya?
Staff: Tak de lah, macam lain macam je...
Me: Lain macam macam mana?
Staff: Macam rapat je tadi.
Me: Laaa...Hahahaha! Boss Z tu kan cakap perlahan, saya tak dengar apa dia cakap!
Staff: Ha ah lah...Dia tu lemah lembut betul!
Me: Kenapa akak tanya? Ada orang berminat ke dengan Boss Z?
Staff: Tak adalah! Tanya je...
Me: Saya tak tahu Boss Z tu dah kahwin ke belum. Tapi dia ada pakai cincin.
Staff: Tak apa. Nanti saya tanya!

Oh, my God, was I too close to him?

Anyway, the reason my staff mistakenly thought Boss Z and I were a couple is because...
There are many couples in my department. And both of us are new in the department.
Haha. So, before they want to mengumpat other bosses, they must clarify things first lah. Karang terkutuk pula depan isteri/ suami orang tu.
I did exactly the same thing when I first came here, I asked my colleagues, who's with who here!

Tapi kan, yang bestnya, I rasa macam dapat tempias tempias compliment lah kan.
Sebab, Boss Z tu kan comel, so, bila orang ingat we are together, mesti diorang ingat I pun comel jugak!
Oh, sungguh perasan! Hahaha...Entah-entah nak kutuk yang kita ni tak sesuai langsung!

Okay, okay, back to reality.

I think I've written about this before. I want to be like that. You know, somebody who can make someone else's day just by being nice. You never know, even small, little deeds can make a difference. Just smile...Ask how are you doing...Wishing someone to have a nice day or have a good night...It's so easy to do...

Lepas tu kan, hati dah berbunga-bunga kan.

Bila buka Facebook, ada cerita kanak-kanak malang. Pastu sedih balik...

Pastu terbaca tazkirah dekat Facebook- pasal menjaga pandangan. Tapi tazkirah tu suruh menjada pandangan daripada baca Whatsapp yang bukan-bukan, pandangan daripada nak shopping yang bukan bukan, bukan menjaga setakat menjaga pandangan lelaki/ perempuan...

Okay, I akan cuba untuk menjaga pandangan I. Tak boleh cuci mata lebih lebih!

Hari ni, hari tak puas hati dengan bos. Eeee...! Geram tau!

Semoga I tak jadi macam dia lah satu hari nanti...

I don't agree with some of his ways. Fine, I respect you bringing back knowledge from where you were from, but please, I think you need some serious adjustments to apply things locally.

You tak pernah kerja pun dekat sini, you don't even understand how the system works, so don't you dare comparing what we are doing with what you did. Lepas tu, he said things like: There's no excuse for bla bla bla.

Lagi sekali dia cakap macam tu, I will be very tempted to reply, "Yeah, I won't compromise my family time. I will come to work on time and go back home on time, I will make sure my work is done, but I won't do anything extra just to please you. My family is my priority."

Eh, I shouldn't be there pun in the first place lah. But of course, nobody realize I am just doing a favour for them!

Konon macam bagus, but his management is mostly macam entah apa apa jugak. Inilah padahnya bila you recruit orang yang tak pernah merasakan kesusahan. He should learn from my previous bosses, lebih makes sense to me.

Come on lah, all this shit pasal this is for your own good bla bla bla, I am over it. It's just not worth it. I've learnt my lessons. I tried doing extra work, but look where I am now, nowhere, and simply let others make me the victim. Enough lah.

And my boss, well, he should know we are living in a small world. Macam lah I tak tahu cerita lepas dia. Macam lah I tak tahu personal history you. Eleh, wife you tu pun apa kurangnya...

Tengok, kan dah jadi emotional sampai I rasa nak attack dia personally.
Seriously, I rasa, kalau I tak tahan sangat, I will make an official complaint.

Oh, lagi satu, he obviously don't remember my name, pastu nak buat buat caring pulak. He called me by my second name. Nobody calls me by my second name. The only reason you address me by my second name is because it's written on my ID card (stupid ID card person who didn't even bother to ask my preferred name and simply put my second name because it's easier for him to spell and pronounce. When I asked him to change it, he said I need to pay. Bodoh sangat!)

--------

Kenapa dia tak boleh jadi macam boss lain?

For the past 2 weeks or so, I've found a new muse...Hehehe...Dah lama kan I tak ada a crush on somebody.

Let's call him Boss Z.

Comel sangat, soft spoken, I think he's good looking and he has a nice set of teeth. Bila bercakap tu, tenang je. Pastu murah dengan senyuman. Rajin bertegur sapa pula tu.
He would be almost perfect if he's not short. Haha! Tinggi sikit je daripada I.

I tak tau lah single lagi ke belum. Ada orang cakap he's a bachelor, but I see him wearing a ring.

Bila Boss Z is around, hati rasa berbunga-bunga. Haha. Gedik sangat!

Nasib baik I dah kahwin, so boleh control sikit perangai tu. Haha. Ala, tak apa, won't be working for long under him...Setakat penghibur hati dekat kerja untuk 2 minggu. Jadilah kan...Daripada tengok boss sorang lagi tu!

--------

Ada seorang lagi boss ni pun best jugak. A lady boss.

Someone I wish I could become one day. A good career, job scope is not very demanding, and having time to do stuff spiritually.

Ada satu hari tu, I knocked on her door, but nobody answered. As I left, she opened her door in her telekung. Solat dhuha.

Terus rasa inspired gitu.

I don't want to be a busy person for the rest of my life!

A friend of mine shared her experience with her boss. Boss dia cakap,

"Cukup-cukuplah tu baca buku dan belajar. Dari kecik sampai besar kita asyik belajar. Luangkan masa pula belajar Quran."

Betul jugak kan? Dari kecik belajar je,exam je, sometimes I wonder, when will this end? It's time for aktiviti keagamaan pula. I am not getting any younger and I am still not prepared for my death.

Takutnye!

Just got back from the clinic for Baby K's 1st year jab. In the morning, we collected the prizes that I won (again), haha, exciting, but embarassing at the same time because I think the receptionist has started to recognize me. Seriously, people, I think the reason I keep winning because nobody else is entering the contests?

Anyway, this will be a short post. Some quotes I would like to remember:

- "Information is not knowledge."
Many people mistake the things the read on the Internet would make them smarter. No, you will be informed, but knowledge is power. How do you acquire knowledge? Not by Googling, of course.

- I always like to say- I hope everyone will get what they deserve.
However, my Facebook friend posted something like this: To hope for someone would get what they deserve is cruel. Even we, the servants, get to enter Paradise by God's mercy. I don't think we get to go to heaven just because we deserve it.

Hhmm...What she says is quite true up to a certain point. God is the Most merciful, but I believe God is fair too. Life would be quite pointless if He is not fair, like, those who got away from this worldly crimes, I am sure there will be punishments await them one day.

Am I cruel to hope for a bad person to get punished? Sure, sometimes, we are not happy with the type of punishment he gets because we think it's not heavy enough. That's why I'd like to think, probably he deserves a lighter punishment because he did some goods in his life, not necessarily something that I know of.

And that's why God promise there will be Judgement Day. And that's why, there are things such as Taubat.

Wow, philisophy me.

Actually, I wanted to post about this earlier but I was too sleepy. The next day, it had gone viral. Terus mati semangat nak tulis.

Tapi, malam ni rasa nak tulis balik. It's about domestic violence. Personally, I haven't encountered or know anyone who has been abused by their spouse. Somehow, I think it happens commoner than we think.

I always consider myself as a strong person. Until today, I don't depend too much on anybody else but myself. So, when I was younger, I thought if it ever happens to me, there'd be no thinking twice, I'd leave.

Which, made me wonder why those women can't do the same, I did not understand.

Now, having a family I call my own, I think there is a tendency for me to allow myself to become a victim, if it occurred to me.

Of course, you tend to give chances after chances to the man you used to love, the man who you think still loves you. How can you not believe his apology when he used to be your sweetheart. When you married him, you swore to be by his side, whether when it's up or down. How can you lose hope that this man will never stop hitting. Perhaps, when he sees his baby, he'd change.

And by the time you realize that he's dangerous, it's getting harder to leave. You've given up everything. You are too old. You don't have the heart to make your children grow up without a father. Perhaps, you teach yourself to accept it, because it is normal  now for you. He makes you believe it's your fault.

It's not as simple as packing your bags and leave, just like my younger, naive self would have thought.

Father was a strict, serious, fierce man, especially toward his team. When I was a small kid, he always received texts from his pager. He was always on the phone. Most of the time, he was yelling over the phone, scolding whoever he thought deserved, sometimes, using foul language.

One time, I was old enough to follow his conversation about work, he told Mother about one of the men under him who had marriage problems. He was being unfaithful, so his wife came to him.

Father was a strong believer that once your personal life interfere with your work, you are deemed unqualified. He used to say, if you can't be a leader of your own family, how can you lead others?

So, he carried out an investigation on that man, then, he produced a warning letter for him. He didn't get him sacked, but Father did not let him naik pangkat.

Now, before you think Father was biased against polygamy, he was not. He had another man under him with two wives, but the wives got along okay and sometimes, he brought both to attend events (which made Mother feel a little bit uneasy). No drama there.

So, when I first stumbled upon that FB post, I thought she should go to his boss. I mean, I've seen how Father dealt with it, and I thought most bosses would, you know, do something similar.

If AirAsia has not taken any action against that man yet, it is a shame.

When I read about the insensitive remarks about she membuka aib suami etc, it makes me sick in the stomach. At the same time, I am so glad there are other commentators who gave such strong hujah to defend that woman.

I can only hope I would never have to go through what she is going through. Can't say too soon that I have a wonderful husband, can I? People change, you know.

Mother was initially concerned about us having to do LDR. "Awak tak takut ke suami awak seorang dekat sana?"

I chuckled.

I have confidence in my husband, in me and in our relationship. If it happens, it happens. I don't know how I would react to it, but I don't want to think about something that might not even happen in the future.

As you all probably know, Baby K prefers him over me. When I balik kampung recently, Baby K would not let my husband go at all. Many commented on how rare it is for a child to be attached more to his father. I think, deep down, they must think how I suck at being a mother because when my husband is around, my husband would play with him, bathe him, tukar pampers etc...My job is to feed him and make the baby fall asleep when my husband fails to do it.

Anyway, just now, my husband and I were exchanging text messages about how cute our baby is.

Husband: Baby K tu manja sangat dengan Abang. Kalau dah besar sikit, Abang nak bawa dia balik, biar dia duduk 4-5 hari dengan Abang. Mesti dia  nak ikut.

Me: Ha ah, tak nak lepaskan Abang langsung. Manja sangat!

Husband: Abang kena sayang dia lebih. Abang dulu tak tinggal dengan ayah kandung, so Abang tahu perasaan tu.

With that message, I know Baby K and I are very lucky.

(On the other hand, I feel bad for my parents-in-law. My husband ni jenis pendendam kot...Dah 40 tahun oiii...! And he still can't get over the fact that his biological parents gave him away. And to not just anybody, to their relative, who was childless at that time, and who still treats my husband like their own! Sudah sudah lah tu...And yet, when you think it's harmless to a child, you don't know how much it scars your child for life, sampai ke tua husband I tu trauma)

Stumbled upon a blog of my junior from university and ashamed with what I have here. Hehe. Her language is of better quality, well, I really shouldn't compare because I simply am not an eloquent person lah.

Anyway...

Reminds me of the years I was away from home. I remember being dependant on public transports and my own to feet to commute. When it got too cold, I'd be bitching about how easy and warm my life would be if I just stayed local.

My perception completely changed after I saw so many professionals using the service, unlike Malaysia at that point of time.

I had this one vivid memory, a young, cool, sophisticated mother, dressed in skinny jeans, a bubble jacket, a scarf around her neck, wearing a pair of sunglasses, pushing a child in a stroller in her high heels, and an older child around 4 or 5 years old next to her.
She was energetic and beautiful.
I remember telling my friend, that's just the kind of mother I would like to be.

I guess I was able to briefly live the dream.

I was on a flight with my son. He was so well-behaved, I am so proud!

We landed at Subang Airport and we were the last to leave the plane. Then, I put my son in his stroller and I quickly pushed him to minimise the exposure to the loud sound.

While I was pushing him, I saw our reflections on the mirrors. Me, in jeans, my nice shirt, and flowy shawl, one hand pushing the stroller and another hand holding his sippy cup and a handbag on my shoulder. I didn't wear high heels though, but I had my nice pumps on.

Then, we waited at the conveyor belt and my other hand was pulling our hot pink luggage now.

I must have looked so good, too bad nobody was around to take a photo of us in action...(Bagi can dekat I nak perasan, boleh tak?)

For a while, I was that young, cool, sophisticated, energetic supermom!

And my moment could not be made possible without my stroller which I am so glad I purchased. It's not perfect but the fact I easily manoeuvred it single handedly makes it a winner.

My perfect stroller would be
- can be used since birth
- can be reclined to at least almost flat
- allows forward and rear facing
- light weight
- fold to stand
- small to fit a compact car
- cheap
- tyres that glide for easy manoeuvring
- easy to fold (one hand)
- not flimsy
- cantik
- doesn't need too many accessories
- etc

Well, mine doesn't fit a compact car. Wasn't a problem before until I moved back to Klang Valley and had to buy a MyVi because no way am I going to spend so much on petrol just to go to and fro work...

Anyway, initially, my dream stroller was all other nice strollers which are too expensive for my budget. I kan kedekut sikit, I just don't want to invest thousands in something I don't know whether I will be using much or if my son even wants to sit in it quietly. Mine is not even RM1k and it fits most of my requirements.

So yeah, when I saw our reflections, I know I've made the right purchase. I was so confident, I thought we should be in an ad...Haha!

(For a split moment, then I was back to being a plain lady.)

Mommies, have you watched the Pampers appreciation video ad for the Japanese mothers?

Well, happy first birthday to Baby K, which means I am already a Mom for a year...

We went to visit my parents-in-law. They helped to take care Baby K for about 5 months before I moved back to Klang Valley. And as expected, my MIL got emotional that I feel guilty she doesn't feel the same way towards her granddaughter who's only 4 months younger than Baby K (and my SIL was there at that time!)

I am not like my MIL, she's comfortable in showing and telling how she feels. Me? I only tell you guys lah in my blog, haha. Or I'd tell my husband. Or my really close friends, in a joking manner, after it had long past by...

So yeah, MIL was like, "Ma nangis hari hari...Hari hari tengok gambar Baby K...Ma cuci gambar dia banyak banyak. Setiap kali lepas sembahyang, Ma mesti tengok gambar dia. Ma asyik teringatkan dia...Ma tengok TV9 pukul 12.30 ada budak macam Baby K...Kenapa balik 4 hari saja?"

Then, Baby K refused her. Gaaahhh...! (Actually, Baby K also refuses me if he's happy with his Daddy, but it's an unacceptable explanation to my MIL)

I've seen my MIL cried a number times before this (she even cried when my husband told her not to feed Baby K with too much milk). In contrary to my own Mother, who, for the record, had only cried 3 times in my presence in my entire life...
1) When I was 9 and I had been really naughty (or maybe she was extra stressed?)
2) When I was 14 and she and Father had a huge fight for something so silly (we got lost in the car in Penang and all hotels were fully booked!)
3) The day Father passed away.

I am so inexperienced in dealing with an emotional elderly, I don't know how to react to it...

Actually, I too cry a lot, in front of my husband or privately. Haha. But I have an ego lah okay...Which type are you?

Time really flies...Baby K is walking more than crawling. Demanding...Wants me all the time, except when Daddy is around. Sleeps better nowadays, thank God, but still addicted to my boobs. I keep telling him boobies are for nighttime only, malu lah, dahlah baby I tu size tak macam 1 year old, it's difficult to hide him under my tudung. Dah setahun dah I defaulted from wearing normal clothes, always buttoned for the sake of my little one...

I haven't gotten him a proper birthday present. He's fascinated by sticks of any kind. Ruler sticks, brooms, kayu penyodok, mop, tongkat, tu semua memang pantang nampak. Sekali pegang, tak mau lepas. So I nak beli apa?

We've booked a trip to Japan in January. I was reluctant to bring Baby K (selamba betul, haha) but my husband insists. So, Baby K, you better behave yourself or you don't follow!
Which means, no overseas trip for us this year...Awww...I really want to make it a tradition of a yearly overseas trip, but tak cukup fund lah...Singapore, Thailand and Indonesia don't count okay! I really want to go to Italy, tapi tak kan lah two months after nak pergi Japan pulak kan? Lagipun, annual leave tak cukup lah. Plus, my husband and I are bounded to very specific available dates. Sigh...That's why it's more fun to be rich enough, you don't have to work/ take time-off when you want to!

I am committing myself to furthering my education, which never ends btw, so I can get better pay in the future, but by that time, mesti I dah tua sakit kaki, or, I kena fikir siapa nak hantar anak sekolah...I can never win, y'know...

Okay, now I am rambling...While recovering from diarrhoea actually, and now you know what's still keeping me awake at this hour. I should be studying instead!

To my dearest son, Happy Birthday. I hope we can give you more siblings! Haha!

I wanted to scold, but I didn't know how to scold without yelling.

I haven't been really angry in a looonngg time. I managed to get myself together ever since I found out I was pregnant. I controlled myself just so my son would grow in a healthy environment.

And usually, I get mad at work, not at home.

Just now was probably the first time Mother saw me got really angry in my adulthood. I guess I was really scary that Mother chose to stay out of it.

I was yelling to my maid, then to my maid and her daughter. My maid's daughter, who is also a maid, ran away from her employer and suddenly appeared in front of my house tonight.

This problem is way petty compared to the problems they are facing in Gaza. I am considered lucky. But still, I can't sleep. I thought I can have my weekends for rest, but now, this!

Anyway, while trying to think of a solution to my problem, I thought of what other people would do if they were in my place.

I quickly thought of Father.

Then, it occurred to me, he would have been super angry too. And I realized how I can be so like him sometimes; serious, stern, ill-tempered, scary, tough, fierce, straight-to-the-point.

I don't talk to my maid unless I need to, hence I don't listen to her story. I know I will pity easily, so that's why I am determined to make her job as professional as possible. I don't care about your sad life, as long as you do your job, you will get paid. I am not your counsellor, not even your friend, I am your boss.

------

I am my father's daughter afterall. And probably the one who inherits the bad/ good of his character (as mentioned before)  the most. Al-Fatihah.

Anak I ni, taknak tidur pulak...So mak dia nak tulis blog. Haha.

Nearing to being 1 year old, yesterday he began to clap his hands. He is so excited with his new acquired skill, he even clapped his hands when he was half asleep. Haha.

Mother said he also has started to walk 4 to 5 steps, but I am yet to see this my own eyes.

Anyway, I will be taking leave on his birthday week, to get his jab, and my husband is planning a small kenduri for us. My husband made a nazar for me, but due to time constraint, I told him why not just make it a two-in-one thing. Senang. Lagipun, Baby K baru nak masuk setahun, tak payahlah party party ni, dia bukan tau apa pun...Besides, if we were to do it separately, I don't think there would be any guests for a party. Plus, you bloggers have set a high standard for a party, it's difficult to keep up! Can we just attend your party instead?

Sidetracked...

Main reason for this post today, is to wish all Muslims Selamat Hari Raya.

Dengan penuh ikhlas and sepenuh hati, I would like to ask for your forgiveness if I have offended any of my readers. Most importantly, I am hugely sorry if ada tulisan tulisan yang menunjukkan riak walaupun kecil.

I read a Facebook status warning that in today's society, advanced with technology, many people don't realize the sins of riak when you post something online. You know, the easiest example, post gambar anak tapi sebelah ada bag mahal, niat sebenarnya nak tunjuk handbag gitu...

Kalau the intention is to really show your anak, there's nothing wrong with that. Kalau niat nak show off the anak, it's berdosa. Kalau you are just proud and wants to spread your happiness, then that's okay.

But sometimes, people don't realize even gokd intention can hurt.

Like this girl on Facebook, she said, don't judge her if all she does is talking about her children. Don't look down to her because she chooses to be a stay at home mom. She said, nobody can understand her except a mother, only a person with children can understand how she feels.

Sounds harmless?

But to me, I terasa lah jugak on behalf those who don't have children yet. Special sangat ke sampai orang tak ade anak tak boleh paham perasaan dia? She posted something like this way before I was pregnant, and I was really offended by the last line.

Ataupon I je yang over sensitive?

I still think she should not say that, even I have a son now.

So, again, I want to apologize for any wrong doings. If hope in the future, I would be more mindful if there is even the slightest riak in this blog  Do not hesitate to guide me and bagi teguran when necessary. Semoga semua orang dapat pahala a d masuk syurga.

Sementara anak tengah tidur ni...

I think my last post have made some of you have false imagination about me, haha. I am so sorry, tapi I rasa I ni berskala 5/10 saja. Like seriously. Paling tinggi pun 6.5/10, and that was during my university days. The only thing why that kid thought I look like Elsa is probably because nobody in her family has long hair kot. Haha. To prove this, I asked my own niece, she's 6

Me: Rina...Ade budak cakap I look like Elsa? Is that truuueeee???
Rina: (look at me some kind) Rambut jeeeeeee!!!

Sabar je lah aku! Hahaha...

My niece ni kan, just now she watched High 5, tema hari ni adalah The Sea.

One of the girls pakai a spike on the back macam shark, tapi dia nyanyi mengatakan dia tu dolphin.

My niece terus kata, "Dolphin mana ada macam tu! Kenapa dia pakai macam shark? Apalah High 5 ni!"

Haha, smart girl...Tak payah lah tengok High 5 tu, Auntie Ectopy dah boring tau!

------

I dah ada maid...And she's good. Ala, bukan ada kerja sangat pun dia tu...Mother boleh kawan dengan dia. And she can layan my son and my son pun has no problem dengan dia.

I hired her to help out around the house. Tapi sekarang ni, when I arrive home, my son dah siap siap mandi and makan. I macam, hey, that's my job! I nak mandikan anak, I nak suapkan anak I!

Lepas tu, on weekends kan, biase lah my baby tu asyik nak melekat dengan I je. We miss each other! Around me, dia jadi sombong dengan orang lain. But sometimes Mother wants me to give my son to my maid so I can have some rest. Well, I don't think I need to rest, I am a mother after all. Mana ada rehat rehat ni...

I overheard Mother said that I balik rumah pun tak dapat nak rehat sebab Baby K wouldn't let me go, cuti tapi tak macam cuti, no wonder lah makin kurus mak dia. Eh, I really don't mind him not wanting to let me go. Lagi I suke adalah...I don't want him preferring someone else over me!

Even masa buka puasa ke, masa sahur ke, my maid would take him so I can eat in peace. Pastu nanti my son nangis nangis, I rase macam, why can't he eat with me. I have one hand free here...

Emosi betul lah I ni!

Okay, sekian kisah perasaan hari ni. Kesimpulannya, I ni nak hire maid sebab nak dia tolong, tapi bila dia nak tolong, rasa nak buat semua benda sendiri pulak. Gilosss...

Honestly, since I had a baby, I don't remember the last time I actually made up myself. I did attend a few weddings and formal events, but as far as I can remember, even if I intended to wear make up properly, I ended up going bare faced because I had no time. My husband would usually take the baby to the car and wait for me. I pulak, cepat cepat bersiap because I hate making them wait for me.

Basically, it's been a very long time since I last felt pretty. Kesian kan? I've always told myself not to let myself be one of those moms. Bila tengok blog mak mak cantik, I just don't know how they do it lah ok...Terus rasa inferior sebab I ni comot je...Pergi kerja lagilah comot!

A few weeks ago, I was busy with admin stuff, pergi sana sini, then I stopped by a friend's house during lunch hour to tumpang solat. Her mother was home with her 2 nephews and 1 niece aged between 2 to 6 years old.

I took off my tudung for wudhu. Her niece saw me and said, "Waahhh...Macam Elsa!"

Hahahaha! Omg, me, Elsa?! That's probably the most flattering physical compliment I've ever had from a child!

I buat taktau je. But the next time I saw my friend, she excitedly told me the story because she thought I didn't hear her niece.

Again, hahahaha!

Just what I needed to hear after months and months of feeling comot! Bless the child.

Maybe there's still hope for me to beautify myself again.

Just last week, I saw a client and she said, "Wahh...You are so young!"

Me: No lah, auntie. I am already 3* years old!

Client: Still young lor...And you look younger than that!

Score! Yeay!

More good news in this post: I won three prizes from the SMS contests I entered a few weeks ago! Terus bersemangat nak masuk contest lagi. Haha! Thank you Samsung Galaxy Life sebab bagi 3 magazines free for 1 year! (I mestilah takkan beli beauty magazines, my Reader's Digest pun tak terkhatam sejak ada Baby K ni...)

Me: Saya nak claim hadiah saya menang.

Receptionist: Contest dari magazine mana ye?

Me: Oh, saya menang 3 hadiah dari 3 magazines.

Receptionist: Tiga! Banyaknya!

Me: Hehehe (Kita pulak yang malu menang banyak)

Hari ni kita cerita happy happy je...Bye!

I feel restricted. Like, I feel I am not supposed to say I miss my husband too often, like I am not supposed to insist him to move for me although having him by my side would be fab.

I am sure my husband won't mind me saying what I really want to say. After all, he never once mentions about my decision that changed our lives and its dynamics. But

1) I think deep down, I have an ego. I don't want to give the slightest chance for my husband to use it against me. Eg: "It's all your fault. You are the one who decided to go and now you can't stand it and you want me to go there and leave my life here like it's so easy to do!"

2) I don't want to become his burden. I want to be the pleasant wife. I don't want our phone calls consist of me whining and trying to make him feel guilty.

3) By not mentioning too much about it, I hope I  could suppress my guilt of wanting to advance in my career.

4) I have to be understanding and less selfish. He can't attend to my needs all the time. He has other responsibilities too. This is a known sacrifice that I am willing to take ever since the decision is made.

Really, all I want to say is
Abang, I miss you so much. I am sorry I am the reason you cannot see and touch your son every day. I really want you to move with me if you can. Can't you just drop everything and be with me? Please?

The traffics in Klang Valley are really bad lah, I am so mad at the government for not having a proper plan for public transport. It's never getting any better. Come on, the Londoners have a great transport system since the 60s and we are still so left behind, it's ridiculous lah.

I spent a total of 3 hours in my vehicle every single week day! Bila kita di awang awangan like that, mulalah teringat pada anak. Pastu mulalah rasa nak quit.

Pergi kerja, anak nangis. Balik kerja, main 2-3 jam je dengan anak. Kalau anak tidur lambat, rasa macam, Mommy penat, and why aren't you sleepy yet? Mak jenis apa ni penat sangat sampai tak larat nak layan anak yang innocent, dahagakan kasih sayang, anugerah Tuhan, amanah yang perlu dijaga?

I question every single day when I am stuck in the traffic, "Is it really worth it?"

My parents have always said us, the siblings, have nothing in common. This is quite true.

One is reserved, another is outgoing, one is sensitive, one likes to travel, another prefers only beach vacations, one is gamer who is rather spends his free time at the comfort of his own home, and the list goes on.

I don't know what Mother did during each pregnancy which makes us so different from each other!

So, I've been getting help from this Indonesian lady. She is an illegal immigrant, stays quite near to Mother's house and previously, Mother had used her husband's labour to wash the car or mow the lawn, doing odd jobs like that.

Since we are desperate, we wanted her to help Mother to take care of my son. Easy! Come at 9am until 5pm, 5 days a week, lunch is provided, she only has access to the ground floor (we don't trust her to go upstairs), probably, sweep the floor, mop every other day, kupas bawang, siang ikan, siram pokok bunga, sidai baju and things like that. My son totally refuses her, so, her job scope is mainly confined to house chores je lah. Tak penat pun...She even gets her own room in case she wants to rest a bit and she doesn't have to cook. I am paying her weekly. If I were her, I would be happy! It's flexible, you still can work elsewhere over the weekend and at night, no rules like no mobile phone or no outings, and it's not tiring.

Thing is, she likes to ask money in advance! My mom would give her extra RM10 a week, and she takes a lot of leaves. She would text Mother that she is sick so she won't come to work, most of the time, she comes like 4 days a week.

Last week, after she left, she returned to Mother's house sobbing, saying she wanted money because her husband hit her. According to her, her husband is a gambler and he hit her all the time.

I, mestilah kesian dengar cerita tu. I pun ikhlas lah nak provide her the job. Tapi at the same time, agak menyusahkan because she is no committed. Due to this sad story of her, I feel bad to find a replacement because nanti dia tak ada kerja, how? I also don't mind so much giving her extra. Because I could afford it, and niat sedekah and tolong orang susah. Lebih lebih lagi nak puasa ni.

My brother, on the other hand, thinks she is lying. He wants us to get another helper because this lady comes with too much baggage. He is a pessimist, so he scares Mother, "What if the husband comes with a parang?"

His points are valid too.
I, too, sometimes, doubt this lady but I tolak jauh jauh sebab nak bersangka baik punya pasal.

My brother pulak, he said, "Jangan masuk campur rumah tangga orang." Memanglah taknak masuk campur rumah tangga orang, tapi takkan nak simply close one eye? What if it happens to your daughter? I don't want to be that headline in the news, "Kanak-kanak maut didera." Then, people would ask, neighbour dia tak buat apa apa ke? Same case like this lah, if we were to decide not to get involved, we are simply irresponsible and selfish. That's my argument.

However, I can see what my brother is standing up for. He is worried of our children's safety. He doesn't want this helper to pijak kepala. Later, the husband finds out it is easy to get money from us using adegan air mata, and it will become a habit. And we don't even know whether she's telli g the truth.

Mother pulak, kejap she sides on me, kejap she sides on my brother. Pastu last last dia kata, "You guys are so different!" Then, she cannot decide.

What say you?

Arrived sooo late to work today, I am so embarassed, taktau mana nak letak muka. I sesat okay! I tried to use another route to skip the unusually heavy traffic but my plan backfired.

My boss didn't say anything but I know she is unhappy. I did not want to come to work late, I wanted to take an emergency leave, but my colleague wanted me to come because we are short of people today.

So, I came, apologized, lost for words and did my work. But I felt so bad and not in the mood of doing anything. Sigh.

Mulalah datang bisikan bisikan...
Siapa suruh pindah! Dah elok elok kerja tempat dekat, gatal pergi pindah.

Such a depressing day.

Then, I wanted to book an appointment for my first ever facial treatment in my whole life, but my credit card is with my husband, so how can I redeem my Maybank birthday gift! (Cheapskate, don't want to pay)

And it was our third year anniversary but I completely forgot about it. My husband actually flew down to see me but he said he had a meeting. I pun buat biase je lah. I didn't realize until it was 3pm but he was already back on the plane.

Teruknye I ni!!!

My resolution is to plan for something special for our next anniversary. Dah 3 tahun miss.

Maybe I should start booking for a vacation for next year, like, hmm, now!

To make up for the lack of posts for the last couple of months...

This time I want to tell you about my husband's good friend.

He used to go to school with my husband, then he moved to KL and become a government servant. He is married and has 4 children.

Previously, he had a living brother but he died (can't remember why) so he became the only child of his family.

Since he lives in KL, he always asks my husband to tengok-tengokkan his parents di kampung, which my husband does regularly. Petang-petang, when my husband is not bringing my son to the playground, sometimes he would bring him to see his friend's parents.

Of late, my husband's friend's mother's health deteriorated and she was in and out of the hospital. This guy, being a government servant with limited number of leaves, with his school-going children, can't simply take off from his work. So, he would ask my husband to uruskan his mother's hospitalizations whenever he couldn't be there.

And, he's not a rich a guy, so he has to travel by car if he wanted to come back to his kampung, which can be quite taxing with his 4 small children and all.

Subsequently, his mother passed away.

-----

Sometimes, I use my husband's phone when mine is charging. Saje je lah, kalau the TV is boring...So, I amik peluang baca my husband's message.

He sent my husband a message, nak gadai rantai emas for RM500...He said he is embarassed because he has asked a lot of favours and loans from my husband.

Masa I baca tu, I rasa sedih sangat. To some people, RM500 is nothing. But this guy, he doesn't even have RM500. His wife sells karipap, and he also sells stuff on ebay to make extra income.

Kalau I, I bagi je duit tu, tak payah bayar balik pun tak apa kalau belum ada duit. Because I know, this guy is baik and he needs the money. Bukan dia buat berfoya-foya pun dengan duit tu.

Unlike my husband's other 'friends' yang pinjam ribu ribu, pastu buat tak tau je...Tu I marahlah, sebab bongok bagi pinjam kan...

This humbles me a lot. Kadang-kadang, kita rasa susah, tapi orang lain lagi susah daripada kita.

Kadang-kadang, kita tak perasan orang yang susah tu adalah orang yang rapat dengan kita.
And it's always more afdhal to help those closer to us.
Sedih tau because it's somebody yang kita kenal.

Oleh itu, I doa semoga keluarga dia akan mendapat rezeki yang baik, anak-anak dia belajar pandai supaya dapat tolong keluarga satu hari nanti.

I have cooled down a bit after staring at my beautiful sleeping baby. So, tonight's post is dedicated to my son, Baby K.

The best motherly quote that I absolutely adore is something like this:
God makes babies in heaven and they live with their angels. Then, God would send them to Earth to be born. The babies are worried, "Who would take care of us? Who would play with us? We won't be seeing the angels anymore..." God says, "There will be angels waiting for you on Earth. The angels are your Mothers."

Aww...I am my baby's angel... :)

But I can't understand people who would harm a child lah! How could they! Tak kesian ke haaa!

Anyway, back to my baby...

He's currently 9 going to be 10 months old. He only started crawling at about 8 months old, which got me a little bit worried at first.

My son is so young but he takes up so much space. Whenever I pack for us, his stuff would be more than mine, my handbag is no longer mine, more like his, since inside are his items. When he sleeps, I have to squeeze (because his dad wouldn't), it's funny. Haha.

And not to mention his size. I love his body. Chubby and tall, like a handsome, young man. Muka tu dah kurang baby, rambut je baby lagi ie: botak.

His toothless (still) smile lights up my entire world. He can be demanding and can express his emotions better, it's exciting figuring out what he wants. He is extra clingy with his daddy. The sight of my husband can make him stop whatever he is doing at that time just to be with his daddy. Even when daddy passes by the living room to go to the bedroom, he would cry for attention wanting to follow. Daddy's boy sangat!

Baby K doesn't care about me so much. I am the less fun parents. I don't bring him to the playground (daddy's job), I don't bath him or change his diapers (daddy's job)...He only searches for me when he is sleepy or hungry, hehehe.

But I don't really mind. I am proud he has that special bond with his daddy. On the other hand, that's one of the reasons why I must continue to give him my boobies, he wouldn't care for me if I can be subtituted!

I know I should teach him to sleep on his own, don't pamper him too much, instill discipline as early as possible, teach him ABC and 123...But, Baby K is just a baby, he is my baby, and I always make excuses for him, let him be a baby, there are years more to come to scold him, "No!" --> I hope I don't regret this soon!

I may not be the mother I wanted to be. I let my baby eat food with sugar and salt (I can't control this when I am at work, especially when he's being fed  by his grandparents), I let my baby eat preservatives, from Heinz food and processed food. I don't always cook for him but I am the best I can be, or at least I try the best that I could.

My baby deserves a perfect life. It's so heart breaking when I have to separate him from his daddy. It's all because Mommy wants to learn and work and learn and work...

Soon, there will be no more sloppy kisses from Daddy on a daily basis. Although my husband has given me his blessings for taking this route, although there are a lot other couples who survive LDR, I couldn't help but feels like a damn selfish human being.

We could've it easy but I would not settle. I hope God will ease our quests and soon, we will be reunited again, because we deserve it. Amen.

1) I spent a lot of money participating in different SMS contests from 5 different magazines. I hope I would win at least one. Hehehe...It's fun.

2) I am fed up. I am fed up with the vaccination issue, demanding for female doctors issue, Dayana and her manifesto, Cadbury and pig DNA...Seriously, the responses from some of you people really embarass me lah! Stop embarassing me, stop embarassing my religion, my race, stop insulting our intellectuality.

I selalu rasa macam nak dissect the issue satu per satu, but I always feel like I am an unfit person to do so, since I am not an expert in those matters. Karang takut salah cakap pulak...

And I always feel some of the issues are really one-sided. Like, for example, they demand for female doctors, but nobody demand for male doctors, or male nurses.

Hu ha about the Cadbury chocolates, but never said anything about the smokers who do it in public, even when fatwa deems it haram.

Lepas tu nak buat pemindahan darah lah, apa lah, eh cakap macam takde otak sangat tau! Macam tak belajar agama langsung tapi nak masuk TV.

Pastu, ada orang samakan vaccination tu macam makan babi juga.

I malu tau, walaupun orang tak cakap depan muka I, tapi I malu bila orang tak respect orang Melayu Islam sebab kenyataan kenyataan bodoh macam ni.

Ataupun I je yang perasan bila kaum lain semua rasa orang Melayu Islam ni masyarakat yang mundur dari segala aspek. Bila orang suruh menimba pengalaman, luaskan pandangan, berapa ramai yang sanggup terima seruan tu? Terlalu selesa sangat di tempat sendiri. Pastu mulalah tak dapat terima idea baru dan melenting.

Geram tau, tapi taknak cakap banyak banyak sangat...

3) Kena rogol dengan 38 orang lelaki? Budak didera sampai mati? Orang gaji lari tak habis habis menyusahkan orang? Arrgghhh...! Apparently, I am still mad at the world! Nantilah sambung balik.