In between

I do not know whether to continue with the plan.

Do I really want a secret marriage, or do I need to wait until I get my parents' approvals?

I want to be married, I'll carry less burden religiously. But, I have to put myself in parents' shoes and think how would they feel if they ever find out about this.

I do not want to be a bad daughter, I know they have raised me well, is this what I want to do to return the favours?

Am I being selfish?

But my parents are selfish too. They don't have a concrete reason to not like my boyfriend. Everything about him is wrong in their eyes; the look, the car, the job, the list is endless!

Everytime I demand an explaination, we end up in a big fight, and I cannot find the root of the problem. Until, one day, I accidentally found out the main problem is where he comes from. That's discrimation. It is just a place, like the rest of the world, the place he is from DOES NOT affect the way he is going to treat me. He is a good a person, and I don't understand why my parents cannot see that.

If I go with the plan, I will be married to my boyfriend, and in the meantime, he will try his best to win my parents' hearts.

I hope one day my parents will accept him and we could be OFFICIALLY married.

My parents are so hypocrite.
In front of him, they act okay and treat him well. But behind him, they would make faces and tell me how they despise my boyfriend.

Poor my boyfriend, everytime after he meets my parents, he would be all happy and positive, "They are okay with me! We had a nice conversation just now," he'd say, putting his hope high.

Sometimes, my parents ridicule him and being sarcastic to my boyfriend.

My parents have said really, really mean things about my boyfriend.

I am so hurt and I am in between. My instinct tells me my parents are wrong about him, but they are my parents.

It is just so wrong for my parents to hate him so much, but his parents love me so much.

I am tired of crying.