I received a text from a dear friend.

She's not somebody that I regularly talk to. We used to work together until I left my previous workplace.

Anyway, out of the blue, she said she was pregnant, and she lost the baby at 14 weeks of pregnancy. That was 2 weeks ago, and currently she is resting at her mother's house and is forced to eat healthy food.

We got married within a few weeks apart, so she probably felt that she needed to tell me about it.

This is her 3rd unsuccessful pregnancy.

It got me thinking.

Although, as much as I want to get pregnant, it probably worse for me if I lost my baby, three times consecutively!

Before I replied my friend text, I thought hard about what I wanted to say. At least she knew she could get pregnant (unlike me), but of course, I didn't say that.

Finally, I told her that I am lost for words (for real) and I wish I could be there to hug her instead.
A few days after that, I dreamed about my late Father.
I woke up, feeling unlucky. I must be extremely unlucky if I was not being able to conceive and raise children of my own. As you know, your children are supposed to pray for you after your death. But who are going to pray for me after I die?

Don't worry, I am all okay now. It was just something that went through my mind.

I can't get pregnant now anyway. In a few months, I'll be on a vacation which is not suitable for pregnant ladies! A lot of rigorous activities involved.  All booked and confirmed!

Besides, I am not unlucky. I have a great husband.

Just this morning, we woke up, and my husband said, "You ni cantiklah...Orang cakap, kalau nak tengok perempuan tu cantik ke tak, kena tengok masa pagi masa dia baru bangun tidur. You ni, pagi-pagi bangun tidur pun cantik. Cantiknye..."

Awesome kan! That was the first time he said something like that to me.

Actually, a call to my mobile phone woke us up. I was required to do an emergency standby at work, which is quite irritating. Hari-hari pun kena pergi kerja. Benci tau. Finally, it was sorted out.
Anyway, some of the funny things over the last few weeks...

- My boss walked out on us. Like, suddenly, she got up and mumbled something and she left the room. The meeting had to be cancelled because she was in a very foul mood.

Colleague: Kenapa dia bad mood tiba-tiba ni?
Me: Entah. Nak menopause kot...
Colleague: Eh, bukan dah menopause lama dah ke...?

Haha!

- My client did something extremely foolish because his fiance threatened to leave him for her ex-boyfriend.

Me: Cantik sangat ke tunang dia tu, sampai jadi bodoh begitu sekali?
Colleague: Eleh...Lebih kurang muka macam dia je...

Suffice to say, my client is not a handsome man. Haha!

Me: Hey, kalau tak cantik, kenapa banyak pulak lelaki nak? Tak ada orang nak dekat I pun...
Colleague: Orang macam kita ni terlalu cantik. Sampai lelaki pun takut nak approach. Ye lah, sebab cantik sangat...Betul tak?
Ayat nak sedapkan hati...Haha!

- We were watching TV, saw an advertisement on Acuvue Contact Lenses. The girl involved in the ad is someone who likes to take photos. The message was, she needed a good pair of contact lenses so she can focus more on her photography. Her name is Wan Lee.

Someone: Eh, dia ni orang Kelantan ke apa?
Me: Apahal pulak?
Someone: Tu, nama dia Wan Lee tu. Keturunan mana dia ni...
Me: Itu nama orang Cina lah!

Some people can be so naive kan...*Shakes head*

- As you know, I had an ongoing project which I ended up doing all by myself. The project is for a competition, which if we won, we would be going national/ international...A lot of work lah, I don't wish to win! I just nak participate je, boleh? Itu pun sebab terpaksa...

During the pre-convention, my project received a few compliments. One of the panels said I was convincing.

Because I did not plan to win, during the convention day itself,

I purposely presented in a monotone voice
I avoided all contacts and pretended to have low-self esteem
My slides were very plain and just adequate as per required. Nothing extra at all.
Purposely put a mistake in the conclusion. Haha.

Eh, but one of the judges still thought it's a good presentation.

As I am writing this, there are are other groups who are presenting. (I was group number 4) Good luck to them. I hope they win.

I seriously do not want to win. Please God!

Okay, this is the first time ever in my life that I wish not to win something and buat keja ala kadar for something so big and serious.

They will announce the winner in the afternoon!

Last week, I was busy completing my projects, with supposedly 4 people in the team. I did probably 95% of the work, the other two disappeared, the other one was there mostly for moral support. I can't blame her, she didn't know what to do although she really wanted to contribute.

The staff and I were in a room, printing out what was necessary.

Staff: Miss*, Miss dah berapa lama kerja sebagai Jawatan X?
Me: Saya dah kerja X tahun.
Staff: Miss dulu kerja mana?
Me: Saya dulu kerja dekat Tempat X.
Staff: Miss dulu study dekat mana?
Me: Saya study dekat Universiti X.

Staff: Oohh...Patutlah...
Me: Patutlah apa?
Staff: Patutlah Miss nampak confident je...
Me: Confident macam mana? Confident masa present project ni? (A few days before, someone commented that I was confident when speaking)
Staff: Confident lah. Cara Miss buat kerja pun lain. Saya puji, baguslah...

I remember this conversation because she indicated that I am 'confident' and competent in my work because I graduated from a particular university, although it is not necessarily a good one.

I beg to differ. To me, it all depends on the attitude. I don't care where you graduated from, but I admit, I always have a first impression. But my impressions can be easily changed once I know how they function.

That's why, since the first day I stepped into the profession world, I always avoid from telling people where I graduated from and I reciprocate by avoiding asking them where they graduated from.

Sometimes, I fear that I may not be up to their expectations. I've seen it before, how a junior of mine was ridiculed because she is supposedly from a good university, but she is somewhat dumb and slow.

Also, I personally know a few people from my so-called good university (and others), but they are actually such an embarassment to my alma mater.

Anyway...Yes, I initially intended to write further on this: Where you studied don't really matter, as long as you know what you are doing and you do it good.

However, I've been on the Internet for the past few days, doing a research for my career development.

My perception has been overturned. :(

In my profession, it does matter, it STILL matters, even after YEARS of leaving the campus life! And it's frustrating to find out about this. I am one of the lucky ones. At least I have the options to go internationally.

Lets face it, the world is becoming more and more competitive. To survive, you need to have a good foundation.

I hope Malaysia will do more to make our certificates to be recognised internationally. Kesian lah I tengok orang ambil exam banyak-banyak, in the end tak ada kerja. If the papers are recognized internationally, at least we can cari makan in other places.

It's so confusing. If I sit for that UK paper, I won't be able to work in Malaysia. I can work in UK, but that requires bla bla bla. If I sit for this Malaysian paper, there are thousands of people competing for it, Malaysia does not cater enough. Even if I pass this paper, doesn't necessarily means I can get whatever job I want so easily in Malaysia, because dah ramai orang dah!
Why can't they make it all the same. If you are qualified, you can go anywhere!

Macam mana nak hidup!

Thank God I have my certificate. And you used to tell me, eh, it is JUST a piece of paper, people will look pass it once you start working.

JUST A PIECE OF PAPER YOU SAID?!!! NOW YOU TELL ME, WHERE I SHOULD WORK?!

Sudah-sudah jadi surirumah berjaya. Tapi husband tak kaya lah...Tsk.

Kena study benda lain lah zaman sekarang ni. Benda yang betul-betul in demand in the next 5-10 years. What's that?

Although I've been living my whole life, (duh) I am still confused on how my mind works.

I think I am quite independent and tough. You can throw me anywehere anytime and I'll survive. I can be outspoken and rebellious. At that same time, I have a weak heart. I can cry just like that, on the spot, if I receive bad news of people completely UNRELATED to me!

Example: Yesterday, I was driving with Mother. Mother told me about the three Arab siblings who were killed in a tragic accident in Langkawi. My eyes immediately swelled up with tears. You know why? Because I have a wild imagination. So, I started to picture the siblings, all happy having a beach vacation, then I pictured their parents who received the news over the phone. Then, I started to feel them. (Why I nak sebok sebok feeling them I pun tak tahu lah). So, I felt how it would be like to lose ALL your children at one go (even though I am not a mother yet).

Tabahlah wahai ibu! Be grateful that Allah choose you for this huge test of Iman, He wouldn't if you can't handle it.

Tuh lah, imaginasi terlebih, menghayati pulak tu.

Banyak kali dah jadi macam ni...I pun tak paham. Apatah lagi my husband. Haha, kesian dia dapat isteri emosi tak stabil.

I am meeting my two good friends today. Haven't talked to them face to face in ages!

Thought it would be just the three of us, suddenly, Drew* wants to bring his girlfriend along. Alamak. Not that I have anything against it, but I thought this is OUR time. Luke is still single, so that's not a problem. I am married but you don't see me bringing my husband, correct? (Okay, so my husband is physically unable to attend this meet-up, but even if he could, I still wouldn't bring him with me, give some space lah!)

How can you have a normal conversation when you bring you plus one! Nanti tak habis-habis nudge nudge under the table, or sembahyang cepat cepat then quickly update each other secretly but when your plus one arrives, we smile and change topic.

Anyhow...

Drew is proposing to his girlfriend. Yeay! Not today, of course, wouldn't be so romantic lah!

I contributed, giving him ideas and stuff, I actually think if I were a guy, I'd be a damn good boyfriend! I didn't get the romantic proposal. Mine was very direct, like, my husband knew he wanted to marry me, after two weeks into the relationship, he ajak I bertunang, nothing grandious, I said no, we ended up NOT getting engaged at all, but got married 5 years later. See, langsung tak eventful.

Without a slight of shame, I volunteered myself to be involved in the process. Kasik can lah...Now, we are just waiting for Drew to gather all his guts to settle down. I warn him not to do it unless he is really, really, REALLY sure. Don't get married just because lah okay, that's wrong and unfair for both of you.

Me: Dah bagitau your parents?
Drew: Told my mother. She said, OK, she wants me to tell my father. You know lah, my father and I, we are not really on talking terms. Don't know how...

Hubungan ayah dengan anak memang kadang-kadang complicated.

I hope my husband will have a loving, drama-free relationship with our future children. Amiin.

(Sometimes, I find my posts can be pretty funny. Start dengan benda lain, ending dengan benda lain. Lantaklah...You still get my drifts, right?)

I am away, attending an international course/ meeting/ conference, whatever you want to call it.

My husband couldn't tag along. So, I am all lonely and awkward. I don't know anybody except three of my bosses, who bring their families, so it's so wrong if I wanted to plaster myself to them.

You see, I am no where yet at that stage in my career where people shall be greeting me.

It is kinda depressing seeing all these prominent, important people all over the world, giving talks. Before each speaker began their speech, a brief introduction was given, which, well, not so brief lah because their CVs are really extensive and impressive, I don't think I'll ever match them, just shoot me lah! And they are just a few shy years older than me. Life is not fair.

People often think I look younger than my age. I've been getting that a lot lately. I am grateful, sometimes I even enjoy the privilege of it. (Once, I got student discounts when I bought Tutti Frutti. Did I tell you about that? Haha) But, today, since everyone was so corporate, I got the feeling that people are looking down at me. Like, ohh, you must be a junior, not significant, I don't want to be wasting my time talking to you and you shall not be receiving this free thumbdrive/ pen/ ice cream/ goodie bag!

As an act of revenge, I am taking mental notes not to buy anything from the companies in the future. Berlagak dengan I ye, you belum kenal I siapa, satu hari you'll be pestering me to buy your products, jangan harap!

Only a few reps who know me acknowledge my presence and made me feel welcomed. Tu lah, muka macam orang tak matang, orang pun tak respect. The funny thing is, I don't know why I am even bothered by this. Dulu-dulu I always enjoy surprising people, being the underdog, I love it when people underestimate me. Hari ni macam tak best pulak.

Did you know, one of the speakers just now is very cute! Haha. Instead of listening to his talk, I flipped through the Programme Book to find out more about him. I would've even Googled/ FB stalked him if I had free access to the Internet. Anyway, this reminds me of the time when I was working at my old place. Even though I was getting married/ already married, I still have huge crushes on many of my bosses, because they were so cute, super nice, soft-spoken and they were not Malay. Haha. It sure feels and sounds so wrong if I had crushes on my Malay bosses!

Don't worry, I am not cheating on my husband because he knows all about my innocent crushes. I used to show my husband their photos and told him all the nice things they did to me for the day. My husband layan je...Sekarang tidak lagi, sebab tempat kerja baru tak ada boss comel!

Anyway, found out that the cute speaker has a 20-year-old son! OMG! He looks 30+, early 40s at worst. My boss, who personally knows him and worked with him before, told me he is a very cool person. Dahlah rambut panjang macam K-Pop tu. Memang awet muda. "Eleh, plastic surgery tu..." my boss said. Tabur fitnah hasad dengki betul boss I ni. Mentang-mentang dia tak cute...

Right now, I just finished dinner. Was hoping to win a lucky draw, but I wasn't very lucky. Watching Coldplay on Fox Movies Premium.

My husband and I love Coldplay. I love their songs. My husband loves the frontman. "Music orang yang study dekat Oxford ni lain sikit," he said. Konon-konon nak layan music orang pandai lah tu. Tapi tak layan pulak Mozart ke, Beethoven ke, Kitaro ke...Poyo.

Tonight, my friends and I are making big purchases. We are going for a vacation, if you consider trekking a vacation...Just the 3 of us. And I hope it will be worth it. MAS/ AirAsia don't even fly there, weih, why lah nak jadi over adventurous sangat ni, ingat zaman study dulu-dulu ke...I dah imagine naik Airlines yang hampeh bunyi krok krek krok krek...

"This is the time, Ectopy, before you have kids. After that, we'll be having beach vacations all the time..." How could I fall for this! I am so easy!

No turning back now.

Husband I? Of course dia tak follow. His ideal vacation is the one that involves shopping. Yeah, our relationship memang Yin and Yang...

I don't understand how people do business sometimes.
Especially those yang konon-konon Jessica Boutique, konon-konon Paula Collection, tapi bila sampai kedai, kena take off your shoes.

WTF!

I don't mind if they are small stalls dekat Pasar Siti Khadijah tu ke...At least I know I won't be wearing my nice, difficult-to-take-off high heels to those kind of place. But, when I am already nicely donned, complete with matching set of heels, suddenly I have to take my shoes off, that really ticks me off!

A few times, I purposely said it out loud, "Tak nak masuklah kedai ni! Tak professional, kena buka kasut pulak..."

Bukanlah I nak berlagak ke ape, but in my opinion, it's so unwelcoming, why would you want to make it a hassle for your customers? Is this a good business strategy? Come on lah, you claim it's a boutique, right, please don't treat your shop as if it's your house! Baik buat home business je macam tu kan!

Most of the time, I just pretend that I don't see the sign "Sila tanggalkan kasut." Usually, they let me roam the shop, but there are times when the shopkeeper has the guts to tell me, "Kena bukak kasut ye..."

Haa, masa ni mestilah aku naik angin. Terus I tarik my husband keluar and I'll be in a very foul mood.

Seriously, I don't understand lah Malay business! Why!!!

One time, my husband pulak yang over, I pretended not to realize the signage, but my husband pandai-pandai, "Yang, yang, kena buka kasut. Kak, kena buka kasut ke?"

OMG, siap clarify dengan tukang jaga kedai tu. Lepas tu, memang kenalah berbaldi baldi ceramah dengan I. I mean, why do you want to encourage this type of business attitude? IT IS SO NOT PROFESSIONAL! Unacceptable!

Again, I would like to stress, I am totally okay with small shoplots, because at least I can just screen from the outside just to see what it has to offer. Ni kedai amboi, cantik, konon ekslusif la, sekali kena tanggal kasut.

Bodoh!

Have you lost a friend on purpose?

I had un-friended one friend. Sebab dia hypocrite.

And I have two people who un-friended me. The reason is pretty stupid.

Macam ni ceritanya...

So, we were all friends and happy, me, Tiqah, Polly and Bruce. Bruce is quite good-looking, he's smart and nice (was nice). Bruce was Tiqah's friend first, before Tiqah knew Polly, and then Polly introduced me to the rest.

We were so close for many years, travelled to a lot of places together, hung out at each other's house, talked about pretty much everything in the world...

Tiqah, who is older than the rest of us, had a huge crush on Bruce since forever. She never admitted it openly to me, but it was so obvious! Polly also had feelings for him.

(And that's why I strongly believe friends should just stay friends!)

One time, Tiqah even confessed to Bruce, but Bruce turned her down. We stayed friends, however. Sometimes, Polly and Tiqah would have conversations something like this,

Tiqah: Why don't you go out with Bruce.
Polly: Why? Bruce and I are only friends.
Tiqah: Don't tell me you never had feelings for him.
Polly: I used to. Not anymore. Why don't you, Tiqah, why don't you go out with him instead?
Tiqah: I tried. But he said I am not for him.
Polly: So...Wouldn't you mind if me and him end up together?
Tiqah: If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Dah nampak kan danger signs di situ...But it went on for years...

Towards the last year of our friendship, Bruce started to become more and more annoying to me. He told Polly and Tiqah that I was bossy and rude! The nerve that he had! How could a friend talked behind your back like that! So, we stopped talking to each other. My other friends who got my back also stopped talking to him because we think he was being ridiculous. (Yeay, my other friends!)

It was kinda abrupt for us to end things. Well, if he thinks he can hate me, I am so hating him back! (In the end, my friends and I saw his true colours. Basically, we found out, most of his earlier friends had walked out from his life. It proves that it's not me, it's him!)

So, that's how one people un-friended me.

Bruce continued to be friends with Polly and Tiqah. I don't mind. For me, we should handle it like adults. I have nothing against my friends being friends with people I don't like. What happened between Bruce and I had nothing to do with Polly and Tiqah. It's a personal choice. Besides, I am already happy that my other friends are sticking with me. Bruce pulak cuma ada 2 kawan je, so kasik can lah...Hehe.

2 years went by, Bruce suddenly said he liked Polly and wanted to boyfriend girlfriend. Polly accepted. Besides, Tiqah did say, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

But you see, Tiqah just said that to make her feel better. She didn't realize it could really happen!

When they decided to tell Tiqah about it, Tiqah was so mad, like, really really mad, I've never seen someone that mad over a guy! Tiqah was like, "Yes, I love Bruce! There, I said it. I am in love with Bruce! Why did you do this to me!"

Tiqah confronted Bruce and Polly, and me. I tried to reason with her. I mean, we were all friends at that time, girls should stick together and support each other. I told Tiqah that we should be happy for Polly, the best example, me. I was happy for Polly even though I did not 100% percent approve it. (I no longer get along with Bruce, remember?)

I am not going to tell you the lengths Tiqah had gone to win him back, but she was crazy. We never thought she had it in her...

Finally, Tiqah said, Polly and her can never be friends again. Somehow, I also got dragged into this whole mess. (How can I avoid?! I was expected to be the middleman) Although Tiqah said all is well between me and her, but Tiqah deleted me from her FB account. (I still think I am innocent!)

Somehow, Tiqah never blamed Bruce for this, she only thought how slutty Polly was. Love is blind, I guess?

My husband and I, on the other hand, think it was all Bruce's fault!

So, that's the end of our friendships. I am not friends with Bruce or Tiqah. Polly and Bruce did not work out. All the catfights were worthless.

I still hate Bruce, I think it's all because of him. I am sad with Tiqah's decision to un-friend me. Polly feels the worst, I think. She is kinda haunted, always think she is guilty for ruining things between us.

I don't know why I suddenly wrote this. I wonder what Tiqah has been up to...

I've never thought I would lose a dear friend over a guy. And I am not even fighting her for the guy! What a regret.

My husband is sleeping next to me. He received a shot on the bum just now, because he couldn't stand his runny nose.

He has severe sinus and is allergic to many things (I pray to God he won't pass the bad genes to our children!). Last night, we were at a dinner function. Food was served late, around 9.30pm. You know guys when they are hungry...They get cranky.

So, I took a bowl of mee curry and gave it to him (while he got our drinks). He, of course, gobbled the dish down, halfway only to realize it contained seafood.

(The mee curry was good, on a sidenote)

This morning, as expected, we woke feeling itchy on the face. He took two tablets of Panadols and Claritynes. It didn't work. He continued to sneeze despite taking a nap (effect from the medicines, usually a nap would relieve the symptoms). At 7pm, he went to his regular clinic to receive the magic drug.

The clinic, is quite a distance from our house. I asked him whether he knows the name of the injection. In case of emergency, example, if we are in another state, we could always ask for it.

Husband: Setiap kali I pergi jumpa dia, I tanya nama ubat tu. Tapi doktor tu taknak bagitau. Tu macam secret ubat clinic dia.

OMG! What if it was something illegal...!!! That's unethical, isn't it? How can you refuse information when your patient ask for it? Bodoh, macam mana lah negara nak maju. Gila apa main secret-secret pulak. Patutlah Melayu/ Islam asyik mundur je, kedekut ilmu!

-----

This year, I've been so bad!

I forgot my husband's birthday (did I write about that?). I also forgot two of my closest friends' birthdays. I forgot Mother's birthday! I would've even forgot my own boirthday if my husband wasn't so excited the night before!

And I, being so bad, didn't realize about it for dayssss after! (Slaps forehead)

Mother sent a text, asking how I was doing while explaining that she was playing with her new toy, a smartphone. It was a gift from my brother.

"Telefon touchscreen, macam-maca ada. Tapi nak buat apa, tak mustahak pun, bukannya guna pun. Tapi ada satu yang mak suka. Boleh dengar azan tepat pada waktunya. Haha, yang ini memang suka."

My husband and I laughed reading the text from Mother cause she sounded young and hip, siap guna 'Haha' lagi.

She just turned 65!

My life is so up and down and up and down.

Ended the day at work feeling so overwhelmed with work! I have three projects to do. One is supposed to be ongoing since 3 months ago, but we have no leader. Hence, proscatination and everything must be done within 2 weeks because the presentation is due by then. Of course, like the other two projects, I am the scapegoat. Not important enough to be ordering people around, not insignificant enough to hide and tell people that I am incompetent for a research project. I hate being in the middle!

I brought the frustration with me. I was walking away from the lobby when I bumped into a nice Dato'.

This Dato' earns my respect from the first time we encountered each other.

I was dealing with a difficult client. Turns out, the client was a distant relative of him. Me, being new in this place, at that time, had no idea who he was. My staffs filled me in with the basic details but if you know me personally, you'd know I don't like giving special treatments just because you are 'somebody'.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable, I felt that I needed to get out from there. At the same time, since Dato' and I are in the same line of work (although in different departments), I felt compelled to explain a little bit more than adequate about the situation.

That day, I worked long hours. Dato', on the other hand, despite being just 'bau-bau bacang' with my client, stayed with her, probably for moral support. And, that's why he saw my hard work. (And I continued to ignore him)

Now, I have lost the client. But every now and then, I do see Dato' around. Sometimes, he gives talks which we have to attend. From the way he handles himself, I conclude he is funny, easy going and humble.

Didn't give too much thought about it until a few days ago, he made eye contact and nodded when he saw me, which translates as, I remember you. I smiled.

As I was telling earlier, I was feeling frustrated. Again, today, I encountered this Dato'. This time, he greeted, "Assalamualaikum."

Me: Waalaikumussalam.
Dato': Nama you siapa eh?
Me: Ectopy. (I showed him my nametag because people mispronounce my name all the time)

Then, he asked me about the specific of my job and where I am currently at. Then, he took interest about my plan in the future in terms of career evolvement.

I told him.

Dato': How long have you been in service?

I gave him my honest answer.

He was quite surprised. He said I should forego with my plans and he thinks I am super qualified.

Dato': I like the way you work. You are very good. Keep it up.
Me: Really? Thank you.

Dato's was generous with compliments. He's so nice and genuine. For that, he has my utmost respect.

From the bottom of the wheel, I was temporarily up.

I arrived home proudly.

Even though I was not very good with my exam marks, once I got into the professional world, I know I have what it takes. And I know which area I want to narrow it down to. In terms of practical, I am so damn good in what I do. From here, all I can see is infinite stairs to go to the top. I hate climbing, it's tiring and so consuming. I am ready, but I am not sure whether I can do it.

Now, I am online.

I browsed thorugh my good friend's FB page and apparently, he is having a blast. He did ask me to join him for the trip. But, I am now married and priorities have to be changed, whether I like it or not. There's a bit of jealousy and regret for turning down the invite. I would have experienced an adventure.

Down again.
*Sigh*

I am so labile, the doctor would probably tell I have bipolar.

Tonight, I refuse to cook. I want my husband to bring me out for dinner. We are so going over this matter! Husband, I need you.

I have a huge crush on Mike Ross, the young genius from Suits.

To me, he's the kind of guy I would fall far, always!

Intelligent, a bit on the skinny side, witty, riding a bicycle to work...

The good thing is, my husband is a bit on the skinny side and although not super intelligent, but he is still quite smart. Haha. Sorry, sayang!

The thing I don't like about the drama is, the friendship betrayal. And this is a recurring theme in every single TV series that I love/ used to love, it's so annoying!

I have many examples to prove my point:

One Tree Hill
The O.C
Gossip Girls
Glee
Grey's Anatomy

See...They are all ended up making out with each other's boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Ugh.

I ni pulak, jenis yang allergic dalam hal-hal sebegini.

It is against my principle. I would never do such thing is my life. And I would never forgive my bestfriends who do such thing to me.

Wah, you think this is like a piece clothing that you can swap around, is it?

Terus turn off nak tengok benda-benda ni.

And my crush is no longer perfect in my eyes...They don't exist! Even on TVs...Thanx for crushing my hope, thanx a lot, you idiot box.

In the end, I am loyal to TV shows like

SVU
CSI
The Amazing Race
NCIS
Talkshows like Dr. Oz and Oprah

At least I tak lag meroyan sangat when I watch them.

------

Why is it, whenever I blog, I would think about babies? Pfft, it's not like I think about babies in actual life.

You guys must be thinking I am crazy, having a sickly obsession.

My friend showed me a photo of his newborn, all I could say was,

"Gemoknye! Muka ikut mak ke, ikut ayah ni?"

Now, I regret for not going mainstream. Should've just said how cute the baby is.

I figured, he must already have the same compliments over and over again and I was just trying to be genuine.

But, instead of achieveing 'genuine', I appeared more forced and fake. Urgh!

It's not that I am not happy for him.

A teeny weeny jealous at his wife, maybe. Because, she's my age, she just had a baby and at the same time, she's advancing in terms of career and education in a foreign country which is so exciting and glamorous just like what I have always had in my mind, at this point in life.

In reality, I am always here, what we call, masih di takuk lama. I am scared. And depressed.

Change is good. I need to change.

------

On a happier note, the burden on my shoulders are slightly relieved when two new guys came to join our department, even though it's just temporary.

My colleague introduced to us,

"And this is Ectopy. She might look like a kid but she's married."

I thought it's pretty funny. A compliment, I guess?

Thank you, Mother, for passing on the youth gene to me.

My husband's bestfriend's dad passed away a few days ago. He's so old, almost 90 years old, so everybody was kinda expecting it.

I called Mother while my husband was away helping the mourning family. Mother said, "At least dia panjang umur..." and she mentioned how Father left us so soon.

I was working one day, attending to a clien's need. I asked my client whether he had come alone. He said, his daughter also works in the same building. So, even though his daughter was not at present, he actually fetches his daughter to and fro every single day. Then he smiled proudly.

I remember the days when Father used to send me to college. On weekends, he would swing by my college and picked me up so I can spend my weekends at home. It wasn't a hassle for him because he would fetch me on his way back from work.

I had what that Pakcik is having with his daughter and I miss it.