Tuesday, June 3, 2008

the ring took my mind to...

I never wear a ring on my finger religiously. I just feel it's unhygienic. I have to take it off whenever I wash my hands and this leads to the tendency of losing/ misplacing a piece of jewellery.

The other day, I tried on the only proper ring I have, the one given by my ex-boyfriend. Not because I missed him, but because I want to get used to have a rock on my finger.

This ring used to mean the world to him. He proposed to me by presenting this ring on one knee. I'm glad I never give him a definite yes, but seriously, I can't see myself in the future with him. I am a woman who is very careful with her words especially when it's about men and their feelings because I believe in karma.

As I tried the ring on, I wondered whether my ex-boyfriend, now a married man, already has a kid or two.
I wondered whether he is truly happy and faithful to his wife, as he has a history of cheating every woman he had ever been with, as far as I know.
And I wondered how their love making is like. Is he rough with her? Is his wife adventurous in bed?
And if she was adventurous in bed, I imagined how funny it is to see this quiet, naive woman in tudung labuh and jubah, performing strip dance for her husband at home.
And I just had to laugh when I imagined her face would be like when my ex-boyfriend wants her to do this and that.

(I had the thoughts because I remember my boyfriend's friend who complained his wife doesn't let him kiss her breasts and they have sex only in the dark, under the blanket, very sunnah-like. As quoted from him: Nak main, angkat kain je...)

I know my ex-boyfriend. He may be the president of the student bodies in his college but he is no angel. He may look like the son of an ustazah but underneath it all, he is simply too good to be true. The prove is me. If he was that good, why did he pursue a woman like me in the first place? And why would I fall for him if I hadn't discovered the different side of him?

Perhaps, that's why women fall for him quite easily. We trust any man who looks like that. We think they are noble and would never do anything to hurt us. A man who looks like him would never have the heart to betray us.

When he decided to get married to the woman who he cheated with when he was with me, many said I should tell her about his misbehaviours.

I don't want to destroy this woman's happiness. She loves him. I don't want to be the home-wrecker. I want to think he has truly changed for the sake of this kind, innocent woman.

But a friend showed me a different perspective. She said, if I had told her the truth about the man she was about to marry, I might have saved her. She gave me an example of our friend who we know sleeps around without his girlfriend knowledge. We decided to keep it from her because we thought this guy would change after marriage. 9 months later, his wife filed for a divorce.

My friend also had asked me, if I were in her shoes, wouldn't I want to know the truth as well? In my opinion, I do want to know the real man I am marrying, but I want to know months before the wedding, not after the cards have been sent and the wedding dress have been tailored!

And so, I believe what I did is the correct thing to do. I don't want to interfere relationships and I certainly don't want to be the bad news breaker. Let someone else be. I am not very good in giving people bad news anyway.

As much as I want my ex-boyfriend to suffer and be punished for the heartache he had caused me, I still don't want his wife, an innocent woman, to be affected. This is a kind woman and she deserves to be happy.

The ring my ex-boyfriend gave to me lasted on my finger for one night only. I took it off when I did the dishes.

Actually, I wish I would bump into my ex-boyfriend somewhere, somewhen. Just to see how he is doing.

2 comments:

coops said...

hate to admit that i miss my ex-es sometimes...huhu.

Blogger said...

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