Be me.

Sometimes, I am scared if my children are not smart.
Not that I am saying I am that smart, therefore they should inherit my intelligence...Or that I am saying my boyfriend is not so smart...
But I just want my children to be not so average. They don't need to top their classes everytime, but I want them to be above average, especially since the new generation is so competitive, I want my children to be like...ME or better than me.

When I was small, I had noone to teach me at home. I did all my work by myself, nobody helped me with Maths or English etc. But I still did fairly well at school. Nobody pushed me to study except the occasional, "Pergi baca buku," from my parents (but they never actually switched off the TV to make me stop watching it) and that time when Father forced me to spend two years in a boarding school which in the end, really brought out the best in me.

All my siblings are like me, we did our own thing but we did okay. (But if we didn't do okay, Father would be furious).

Anyway, yeah, I want my children to be at least like me. Independent and knows education is important.

My boyfriend's family is different from mine. They are more laid back in terms of education. Nobody monitored how well they did in school, which universities they were going, what courses they were taking...They didn't know there were scholarships you could apply to, even the application forms were filled by my boyfriend for his siblings! "Kenapa parents you tak uruskan?" "Parents I tak tahu apa-apa."

Perhaps that's why I am worried. I am worried if my boyfriend becomes the laid back father for my children.

Why am I worrying about children that I don't even carry yet!