Like an angel

I've been meaning to update this blog because I've promised an elaboration on my last post.

But, my boyfriend and I are on the rocks right now, and I want to ask his opinions on the matters first before writing an essay about it. I want to know how his mind works. So, I guess, the next worthy post is postponed until we reach an agreement, okay?

Today, I spent the day alone. I needed it but it didn't help much because my boyfriend was still getting on my nerves and I ended up splurging on make-ups. I don't know when will I ever use them, though.

I am big fan of make-ups but I don't really use them due to the time constraint. I am always on the run, and whenever I want to make myself pretty, I need at least 30 minutes.

Anyway, while walking on the streets, a man stopped me and said he didn't have money and needed money to go home and he asked me for RM10. He talked quite fast in English.

I was going to say "No" because this might be a scam but I surrended my RM15.

I asked him, "What happened to you? How much do you need?"

He said he needed RM35 but if I was able to give RM10, it was good enough for him.

I didn't stay to have a long conversation with him, I didn't have the mood to talk so I walked away after he thanked me.

I hope my RM15 will help him. I know if I rejected his request, I wouldn't feel this good for the rest of the week.

Actually, the guy who stopped me for money wasn't the first one asking me for help today. A woman asked me for a direction to a bar which I never heard of. Last week, a woman who didn't speak English nor Malay asked me to help her with her groceries (don't ask me how did I manage to understand her, it was a miracle). In all three occasions, my mind really wandered to somewhere out of this world and I didn't really care about my surroundings. The woman who asked for my direction had to touch me to bring me back to reality and repeated her question. I had to apologize to her because I ignored her unintentionally at first. That bad...But, if you saw me lost in my own world, why did you choose me?

I am glad whenever I feel down, there are still strangers who are not afraid to talk to me. Which means
1) I am good at masking my emotions. (Yay/ Nay?)
2) I have a naturally friendly, easy to approach face. (Yay!)
3) I am lonely. People are generally afraid of a crowd, that's why they see lonely people as preys. (Nay)
4) Or because they felt attracted to me because I wore a purple top with a blue scarf around my neck and a pair of black three-quarter trousers and I was carrying a huge, orange handbag. I felt like I was in Carrie Bradshaw minus the coat. (Yay! Because I nailed it! Otherwise, I'd be looking weird, they would be afraid to approach me)

Sometimes, whenever I go out alone, I hope my life would be like a movie. You know, I sip my cup of tea alone in a nice little coffee shop (why would I sip tea in a coffee shop?) and a charming, handsome man gentlemanly introduced himself to me and we would hit off and that's the beginning of a beautiful realtionship.

Although I have a boyfriend now, I don't mind making him jealous and insecure every now and then. :)

However, to achieve that, I have to be attractive which I am not. Wait, let me re-phrase that, I am attractive (siapa lagi nak puji kalau bukan diri sendiri) but I am not too attractive up to the point men cannot resist me!

Oh, well, I guess I have to settle with the lady with the face of a helper. As long as nobody is taking advantage on me...

I want to believe people come up to me because I look genuinely nice.

Make a choice

Question 1

Which one would you rather be?

1) good in many things
OR
2) excellent in one particular area

For example, would you rather
- know how to cook, how to play instruments, how to fix the computers, how to paint etc
OR
- become an expertise in photography, successful, and you are famous for your skill, plus, you enjoy what you do and you make good money out of it

The next questions are from http://kunaz.blogspot.com/


Question 2
Who do you think will suffer more, a child who loses his/her parents or the other way around?


Question 3
Who do you think will suffer more, a wife who loses her husband or the other way around?

Will comment on it later when I have the time.

Ghosts

Overheard

Parent: Eeee...Tengok orang tu pakai tudung labuh macam hantu kum kum...
Child: Aaaahhhh (cries)

Hantu kum kum tu ape eh?

I am more afraid of hantu tetek.

Why are most ghosts women? Why can't it be a man? Discrimination!
Why is there a hantu tetek, but there's no hantu konek?

If hantu tetek hides you between her breasts, hantu konek could hide you between his balls.

When I was little, my friend told me hantu tetek would go from one house to another asking for milk for her baby. Eh, I think that's hantu susu! What's so scary about hantu susu?

What's the difference between hantu tetek and hantu susu?

So, where does hantu tetek come from? And why does hantu tetek like to abduct people who play hide and seek at dusk?

If there was a hantu konek, what would you say he came from?
I'd say he was a man who liked to screw around, one day, his jealous wife killed him by cutting his penis off. Imagine: Blood, gore and horror screams. Then, he haunts anybody who are unfaithful!

Mother was convinced her cousin was hidden by a hantu tetek when she was small. Everybody searched for her cousin, but they couldn't find her. After a few hours, they found her behind a door, all pale and weak. She said she heard them calling for her and she screamed for them too, but nobody listened. The weird thing was, they searched behind the door for so many times, but she wasn't there!

Mother also told us she saw toyols before. A bunch of naked boys, green and bald at her uncle's house.

Oh, we never heard of a girl toyol before, do we?

Classic ghost stories that have been circulating around boarding schools since like, forever:

1) Don't go to the toilet alone at night. One student went alone to brush his teeth, and he saw a ghost in the mirror, brushing her teeth with a knife. Blood all over the place.

Why must ghosts wear white? To contrast in the dark so you could see them better? So you could see the red blood against the white colour? Because they are buried with white clothes?

2) A ghost on the cupboard, counting, "Satu sudah tidur, dua sudah tidur, tiga sudah tidur...Empat su, eh, empat pura-pura tidur! Hahahaha (evil laugh)".

3) A group of friends decided to prank their dormmates. One pretended to be a hantu pocong aka hantu bungkus. After being scolded by the teacher, they decided to un-tie the white bedsheet, and the friend was missing. Until now. Some say he was abducted into alam jin.

4) You sleep here, you wake up there. (Often experienced in a jungle)

5) Possession.

I never experienced anything supernatural before, except once kena tindih when I was 15. I didn't have a clue what was happening to me, I couldn't move, I thought I was going to die, I kept reciting the Ayat Kursi.
I remember thinking to myself, "Why can't I scream? Am I going to die? I don't want to die! But what would I die of? I am healthy. Is this how it feels? Tuhan cakap nak cabut nyawa from the toes! But my toes are fine. So, I am not going to die. No, I am not going to die. Why am I thinking too much? Start reciting surah surah!".
Tengah panic tapi masih mampu berfikir secara rational.
One year later, a friend describing the same experience. Only after that, I knew it was actually what you call, "kena tindih hantu".

I love listening to ghost stories...

cerita orang kampung

My boyfriend is a pet-lover although he is allergic to fur. He has birds, a cat (which he just adopted when he found it wondering alone in the pasar) and chickens. Long time ago, he even had other mammals but he decided to sell them because they were getting big and he was getting busy.

Yesterday, my boyfriend entered his room and found an egg on his bed.

Hens nowadays are so spoilt, bertelur pun dekat tempat selesa!

Pandai pulak tu find its way to the room through the window and left the room after doing the business.






I finally told my boyfriend about the existance of this blog but I refuse to give him the blog address. We agreed to respect each other's privacy. However, he knows the contents of this blog are mostly about my unspoken, forbidden words in the real world. I explained to him that I need a place to speak my feelings, to be someone I couldn't be out there because I need to take care of so many hearts out there.

The company my boyfriend is working for hosted a big event a few weeks ago. They asked for 4 or 5 poor, single mothers in the kampung for the ceremony, but the person in charge found 18. The company gave the deserved ones RM50 (or was it RM30, I can't remember) and kain, and the rest received clothes.

Those who received kain only are those whose sons and daughters are engineers, accountants and such. I think it's only fair, don't you?

But, one person in the kampung started to spread rumours about my boyfriend and his friends. He said they are conmen because they promised money but money was only given to certain people. He even claimed some of the workers (eg: tukang pasang khemah) was not paid for their jobs.

This 40+ year-old man was in charge for tents and kerusi meja, tong sampah semua, but he just sat around, he didn't even instruct his orang bawahan to do the work he was paid for. My boyfriend and his two friends end up doing all his work such as
- tolak tong sampah besar
- pemandu van
- susun kerusi
all the above and more in baju batik on the day of the ceremony itself.

This man even went around the village telling them that the event was hosted by a political party. The company's bosses are unhappy, which is totally understandable. They hosted the event in conjunction with the Muslim New Year but are accused to have an association with a political party.

Now, how do you handle a senior man like this, who comes from the same kampung as you, and all the villagers now have a bad impression on you? You know how a kampung works, people come to your house and putar belit cerita. Paling kesian my boyfriend's parents who has to put up with all this nonsense. Sabar je lah!

B and B

As much as we all hate busy-bodies, we are blessed if there is one in our circle, the kind who asks questions we fear to ask.

Take my friend, Mona* for example. She was the one who asked Husin* whether he was gay.

When Fahmi* was not on speaking terms with his then girlfriend and he clearly avoided the topic at all cost, Mona* couldn't hide her curiosity. In front of everybody, she asked, "Kenapa tak celebrate birthday Mona? Gaduh eh?"
Others watched her in horror, afraid Fahmi* would get temperemental about it.
Surprise, surprise, he calmly said, "A ah, ada problem sikit."
All were glad Fahmi* was opening up because we were all wondering about him and his then girlfriend. And you know how we, humans, function, we just couldn't resist juicy gossips.

After the incident, we went back and spread the news about Mona*, the Busybody. But, we all came to an agreement, Mona* can be useful! Especially when it comes to do dirty works like that. Plus points if we didn't even have to ask her to do her detective work.

But, a boastful colleague is never a blessing. What good can come out from this type of person anyway, I can't think of any.

After knowing Anuar* for four years, I detected his boasting passion early. I learn to accept the attitude as a part of him. He's genuine about his boastfulness, or he wouldn't brag 24-7, right? No, I don't hate him. I treat him as an amusement.

Some of the topics he had bragged about are: how he bought a super expensive handbag for his mother, the how many times he had travelled first class on his flights from KL to Heathrow, the American Express he uses, his Indonesian friend who is so rich, "Rumah dia besar gila, lagi besar dari rumah aku!" as quoted from him.

Everybody knows boastful Anuar*. Most knows it is part of the package, but they can't tolerate him.

Just like the female version of Anuar*, Putri*.

The difference is, Putri* only brags when she wants to. Meaning, she does it on purpose, she is aware of it, and boy when she does it, she does it to annoy.

I don't what's with all the bragging about travelling first class. When Putri* had to fly in Economy class, she made everybody know she wasn't comfortable. She even sounded fake when she 'Ooh aah, the TV is so small'. The food sucked, the seat sucked, everything sucked because Your Highness had to slip one step down to be with the commoners in the Economy class. The person who suffered the most was my other friend who sat besides her to Japan.

Putri* is also an opinionated person. "How can you live in the room that small?" she stood indisbelief when she was visiting my friend. Well, dear, not everybody has a rich father like yours who pays for your RM1500 monthly rent.

But nobody could top Reza*. Although the last time I met him was when I was in college many, many years ago, I could still remember how cocky he was back then. Driving a coupe to college, boasting about how he was expelled from another college because he punched the lecturer, how he burnt his Armani suits given by his then girlfriend because his then girlfriend threw away the RM2000 mobile phone he gave to her, oh, and how can I forget when he bragged he was caught by JAIS with a female friend and all he had to do is pay him RM3000, and his father paid the fine for the friend too. All these came from his mouth in less than two hours!

I am guilty as charge, for I too, brag. But, I only brag when I feel challenged or when I am mad with someone that I just need to verbalise my good qualities before that someone crushes my self-esteem. I defend myself by saying I do it because it is a necessity, a survival instinct.

Suddenly, I realize there are many bad words starting with the letter B. Busy body, boastful, bad, bragging, berlagak, bongok, bodoh, babi, berak, busuk, bodoh, blur, benci...

Blur

Men cannot multitask, that's a fact, but I refuse to believe it.

When my boyfriend is busy, all his attention goes to his work, neglecting poor little me.

After several days without having a proper conversation with him, I decided to give him a call early in the morning before work.

"Hello," I greeted him. "You are going to work already?"
"A ah. Hari ni ade site visit pukul 9.30."
"You ni...Kenapa tak call I? You tak kesah pun pasal I! You tak tanya pun how was my day!" I was beginning to feel irritated. I've been giving him all the spaces he needed for last few days, how much more should I put up with him and his work?
"Bila pula I tak tanya? I ade SMS you kan..." his defence was weak.
I was trying to remain calm, "Fine, I nak buat appointment dengan you. Bila you free?"

"Hmm...Nak buat appointment? Boleh, boleh...Tapi I tak sure bila I free. Nanti Abang check. I'll get back to you soon, okay?"

Can you believe this guy! How dare he didn't get my sarcasm! How dare he didn't prioritize me as his girlfriend over his work!

I took a couple of breathes before shouting at him,
"Girlfriend sendiri pun kena buat appointment dengan you ke bila nak cakap, ha!"

Now, tell me, how many male partners in this world who are as clueless as my boyfriend? He speaks all the wrong things. Why can't he be a sweet-talker like other guys out there? He is over the age of 30, for God's bloody sake! He should've known better.

When I confronted him about this, he apologized profusely and said his mind was somewhere else, he didn't know where it came from (Why can't men multitask!). His excuse was, he was putting on his socks, on the way to start his car engine. This answer made me even more mad because this means I wasn't significant enough to him for him to listen to. How can he top an answer like that? Tuh lah, banyak sangat alasan, kan dah terdiam.

Don't mess with a woman like me who has many solid alibis to make you cripple.

*Sigh*

I guess, I should be grateful that this guy is not a sweet-talker. I've had enough of them, they are a lot worse than clueless. At least, clueless guys are generally honest, no?

We are fine now. But I still cannot believe he didn't get my sarcasm. Rasa nak cekik-cekik, pijak-pijak dia je...

Boyfriend said, "Ganaslah you ni! Kalau ganas in bed tak pe jugak."

Sheesh, ketuk kepala baru tau!

Friends are exceptional.

My really close boy friend of six years, Ramli* was introduced to my girl friend, Laila*.
After much teasing from us, he asked me whether Laila was easy to impress. I, truthfully told him, "Knowing her...Susah sikit kot..."

He then dropped his intention to woo her and a few months later, he committed to another girl, Farah*.

Because I am really close to Ramli*, I was one of the first people to know about his relationship, and also is one of the few to know it. Their relationship is still discrete up until now. I don't know why Ramli* wanted to make it a secret.

When Ramli* told me about him and Farah*, I was surprised. Farah* is not the kind of the girl Ramli* would after. Ramli* has the reputation of only eyeing for the good-looking ones, and Farah* is just an average-looking kind of girl. She is too proper as well. I never hung out with Farah* before, so I could not really judge her on how she would accept us, Ramli* friends. Not that I don't want to meet Farah*, Ramli* just never introduced us.

Being a close friend of Ramli*, I know every girl whose Ramli* has a crush on, but Ramli* never mentioned Farah*. I thought it was strange. Ramli* is not desperate, we could call him an eligible bachelor, tall, good-looking, has a stable job, fun-to-be with, admired by many women...That's why he was always so choosy about his future wife, she must be perfect. Perhaps, Ramli* got tired of looking for that special one.

I thought his relationship with Farah* was just a fling, it wouldn't last.

----------------

I personally don't like cheating partners. I don't care if s/he thinks they no longer have the chemistry with her/his current partners, the right thing to do is to end the relationship before you go flirting with a new person!

I absolutely despise it when a person stays in a relationship but fools with another person, and end up hurting his/ her parner even more when the partner find out about the cheating.

Why do you have to have a safety net? Why do you have to make your partner a safety net? Oh, you flirt with her, if she likes you back, you'd leave your wife, but if she doesn't, you'd stay and menggatal with another woman until you find somebody who likes you back, then you'd leave your wife! That's not fair, that's what we call sikap paling keji.

---------------

Anyway, I asked Ramli* how his relationship was doing, and he said, fine. But Farah*'s mother is really ill right now. Her mother has the end-stage medical condition and Farah* is really fragile right now.

Then, he started telling me how he spends more time with Laila* than Farah*. He said he is really comfortable with Laila*. He even met Laila*'s family, who happens to live in the same area as Farah* and before this, he always thinks Farah* lives too far from him, that's why they seldomly meet. "Malas to pick her up, jauh..." he would say to me. But with Laila*, no problem! Ramli* is beginning to develop feelings for Laila* and he senses positive feedbacks from Laila*. However, Ramli* is not sure. "Aku taknak lah perasan..." he said.

Because Laila* is my friend and I know her better than Farah*, I told Ramli*, "I've always thought you would end up with Laila*. But suddenly, you are with Farah*."

"But you told me it was difficult to woo Laila*!"
"It's true! She has many criterias she set for her husband. But I think, you have the criterias she's looking for!"

Both women don't know about each other.

I told Ramli*, he has to stop before hurting somebody. He has to come clean about his relationship with Farah to Laila*.

"I know, but I've been with Farah* for a little while now, takkan suddenly I nak bagitau Laila*- Eh, Laila*, I forgot to tell you, I actually have a girlfriend. And if I wanted to break up with Farah*, I don't know whether Laila* likes me or not. I don't want to risk our friendship. It would be uncomfortable if she only thinks of me as a friend. Besides, Farah* needs me right now, her mother is seriously ill."

---------------

Now, I don't know whose side to choose. I know Ramli* doesn't love Farah* because he keeps secrets from her, even the usual ones like who is sleeping at his house. "Farah* wouldn't understand. She doesn't know how we function. She would be horrified if she knows my girl friends are sleeping at my house." What I know is, Ramli* is not the same person when he is with Farah*. Farah* doesn't know the real Ramli*, I don't know whether Farah* will still love the Ramli* if she knows about the real Ramli*. That's why Ramli* is more comfortable with Laila* that Farah*.

Even though I hate cheaters, I have double-standards when it comes to my friends. Why are my friends exceptional? I could think of 1001 reasons why they are different from other cheaters.

I feel like the biggest hypocrite.

Jubor

My friend celebrated her birthday by getting herself wasted in the club with some friends.
My boyfriend, however, suspected I drank too, he made me swear Lillah to him. Sheesh...Paranoid.

Then, I made him swear too. Haha! This is so juvenile, making each other swear to God!

I have a friend. When she was 23, she promised herself she would try everything! Alcohol, cannabis, you name it. I wonder if she finally found the guts to do them all.

Saya tak berani.

Oh, that reminds me of Father. When Father was young and naive and masih di jalan kesesatan, he even ate tiger's meat! He regretted it now. At one time, he repeatedly told us how foolish he was when he was younger. He was a bad, bad boy.

Anyway, one guy told me, I can't really sure whether he was drunk or not at that time, (and you know, drunk people are generally honest) sometimes, when he masturbated, he inserted his finger into the number-two (lubang jubur lah) to arouse himself. But he didn't like it when the doctor did it to him for a medical check-up.
I asked him, "Tak sakit ke?"
He said, "Nooo...Sedap! Tapi doktor buat sakit! You should try it."

GUYS, TELL ME, IS THAT A NORMAL THING TO DO? (I will consider it normal if that person was gay, but he's not)

I don't watch porn, so, I don't really know how men masturbate. But I am pretty sure they don't go poking around holes in their bodies, right? Right?

But, in case it is indeed a normal thing to do, hey, that's another knowledge added to my blue area of my brain...

I can't imagine putting my fingers into my rectum! That's disgusting. That's how doctors check for your poo!

I was in love with an anonymous blogger.

Before I met my boyfriend, I was already an avid blog reader.
I was in love with a blogger, but he doesn't know it. I fell in love with his writings. Although I don't know how he looks like, I imagine him to be smart and good-looking.
I looked forward to read his posts.
I was determined to get to know this guy.
I thought he was wise, interesting and kind-hearted.
He was everything I hoped to find in a guy.

He said he was going somewhere.
Then, he stops blogging.

His last comment was: More stories to come.

I waited and waited.
It wasn't like him to suddenly stop blogging. He must had so many interesting things to share.
I was so nervous if he was involved in an accident on his way to that place.
I prayed for his safety.

Now, two years later, I've finally accepted perhaps he is in heaven.
But, now and then, I still check out his blog just in case he starts to write again. It is such a loss, he must had been a very great man.

I hope he knows that he is missed.

Mister, may you rest in peace, Al-Fatihah.

Gifts for men

My boyfriend does not celebrate Valentine's Day due to his belief. (Hehe, the way I said this sounded as if we are of different religions!)
However, I constantly browse the Internet for gift ideas because I honestly suck at buying gifts for men and I like to give presents just because I feel like it. Gifts for men are limited and expensive. Besides, I like my gifts to be memorable and unique.

I might opt for customized book cupon (eg: five kiss cupons, 10 hug cupons, one romantic dinner cupon, 3 massage cupons), but that idea is too juvenile.

So, these are the gifts I think my boyfriend will like:

1) Jimi Wallet.
I think this wallet is cool. It is made from recycled materials and it is relatively cheap!
Great if he's a minimalist. My boyfriend does not have a credit card (principle: I prefer cash), so, this is useful and definitely for him!
I might buy it for myself...USD15.



2) NikeID shoes:
Customized Nike shoes. If you are an artist, you could create your own beautiful shoes! A personal touch from you to your man...You could even put your/ man's name for extra customization!
Do it online. Price starts at Euro100 (that's about RM500).
I tried to customize a pair of shoes, but they don't look too nice. So, no picture.

3) Lacoste Retro Fit Polo.
Perfect if your man has yummy body! My boyfriend will like this but he already has too many shirts. It is USD75.



4) The StressEraser.
My boyfriend is stressed over his work especially from January to mid-year. This product would be perfect for him, but it is too expensive. I might buy it if we were married (and use his money to buy that, haha!)
Price starts USD300.



5) Digital Photo Frame.
Oh my God, I am in love with it. The cheapest I could find is USD60, but it is small. Price increases as the frame gets bigger, duh!



5) Cuff links.
But the ones that I think my boyfriend will like is expensive. I don't want to pay hundreds of ringgit for a pair of tiny pieces!

6) Love tokens.
It is kinda of my Love Cupon idea, but this is less juvenile. Stylish even!
USD15.

7) Reversible leather wallet.
This is cool. USD22.

8) A romantic dinner in KL! Recommended ideas are here and here.

Okay, I run out of ideas.

I will seriously consider the two wallets, the polo shirt (oops, I forgot he has too many of them) and the digital picture frame for his office! Ah, and the romantic dinner is a must!

hints of light

My blog is about everything, basically about my life, which is a very wide scope... I think I should narrow it down. Talk about fashion maybe? My relationship? My past is quite interesting too...I'd like to remember those times...

Pedulikan...

My relationship.

Mother asked me about my boyfriend. "Are you still with him?" My answer was affirmative.
"Serious dengan dia?"
"Yes," firm.
"What exactly does he do?" Mother asked, again.
It's either she sincerely didn't remember, or, she refused to believe what he does for a living.
I give her the answer, again.
"Betulke?"
"Betullah...Kenapa tak percaya?"
"Orang negeri tu banyak yang kuat tipu...Mother tahulah..."
"Mother ni...Tak semua orang negeri tu suka menipu..."
"Mother bagi nasihat je..."
"Orang dah jumpa kawan-kawan dia...Parents dia...Semua okay...Takkan semua pun tipu..."
"Tapi...Emm...Ah, takpe lah. Kita cakap pasal hal ni lain kali. Nanti awak tu tak boleh nak tidur pulak. It is going to be a big and busy week. Awak concentrate dulu dekat kerja."

We talked about my sister who is applying to do practical.

"Of couse dia tak nak pergi that part of Johor! Ulu!" I laughed.
What surprised me was Mother's comeback, "Eleh, cakap orang. Awak tu kalau kahwin dia, tak tinggal hulu juga?"
I was happy by the time I heard this. "If I married him"? Mother is finally opening up! There is a possibility my boyfriend will be accepted in this family!
"Eh, kite KL la..." I continued to laugh.

After I excused myself, I quickly updated my boyfriend about what Mother had said.

I don't want to be too happy. Mother might had not meant it but she said it subconciously anyway...That means something positive! We are keeping our fingers crossed!



My past.

Young and naive at 16, a classmate smacked my behind while I was passing him.
We were of the same crowd, pretty close friends, always teasing each other, it seemed a usual thing to me. I thought we were just playing and goofing around.
Do you know how I reacted to that?
I laughed.
I was so innocent, I didn't know it was degrading to have somebody spank you like that!
Hormonal, horny boys...
And do you know how my boyfriend reacted when I told him that?
"Memang bontot you besar pun! Kecik-kecik pun dah besar ke?"
"You patutnya marah ada orang raba I okay!"
"Okay, okay, I marah. Bodoh, gatal punya laki! Kalau I classmate you masa tu, I dah pukul dia!"
That cracked me up.