Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Life's a big puzzle

I like this blog because I am anonymous and I am free to have my thoughts written down without fear or shame. Thoughts that I could not mention to people I know for fear they would judge me and how my family and I live.

Like that time when I was six and I saw my parents having sex. I just stood there, watching, until my parents realized I was staring directly and asked me to go back to sleep. I did not know what it was, but they all make sense now.

Like that time when I was nine and I found a book about sex under my parents' mattress and read it but never understood it until years later. Then, I tried to search for the book again, but I it was never found.
Funny, hiding the book under the mattress...As a kid, I like to hide and lie under my parents' bed. That is how I found the book. And some money...Funny...

I have a friend who aborted her foetus.

I could not stop her. I found out after she did it.

If you look at her, you'd never guess she is no longer a virgin. A normal Malay girl complete with tudung to everywhere she goes. She is successful in her studies too.

But that's life.

I bet if you look at me, you'd never guess I had a phone sex before! Hahahaha....Kecoh, phone sex pun nak kecoh ke....And I am not even sure if that is considered a phone sex!

I condemn those who abort, even those who support abortions!

Of course, I allow exceptions to mothers whose lives at risk.

Ibarat meludah ke langit, terkena batang hidung sendiri.

Because I think my mother had an abortion.

I could vividly remember how we went to a clinic (not in Malaysia) and I asked my mother why were we there.

"Nak cuci perut..." my mom answered.

I was young, probably around 5 years old. She left me in the waiting lounge and came back a while later.

This stuck in my mind. Although I can never be sure of what really happened, I know for sure she went for an abortion. Something at the back of mind tells me so. Probably there is something planted deep in my brain, something that proves my hypothesis, but I am not sure what.

And I don't know why this event is one of my earliest memories in my life.

Don't you think it is amazing, how life is like puzzle? As you grow older, the things you remember when you were young finally fit the picture. It is like unfolding a mystery.

And you say, "Aaahhhh....It makes sense now".


wanfuad said...

ada orang buang anak sebab dia tak sayang anak.
ada orang buang anak sebab dia terpaksa.

kadang2 kita seringkali 'mis judge'

tapi aku benci orang buang anak sebab dia nak cover salah dia. bodoh.

wanfuad said...

btw, hello.

the ectopy said...

hello jugak.
harap tak pernah buang anak.