They are ambiguous

Sometimes, I think, Islam is very ambiguous. I am confused. Everytime I have this kind of feeling, I would try to think of something else. I know, there are certain things in Islam that are better left unknown. Nobody could answer all the questions.

Eg 1:
When you get sick:
1) Your small sins are forgiven (which means it is either you have so many sins or you are blessed because you are chosen to suffer first in this world rather than later: burn in hell)
2) Or, it means that this is one of the small tests that God want us to overcome.

Eg 2:
When you die with your eyes open and a horror expression:
1) You were a bad, bad person when you were alive, that's why you die a slow and painful death. They say, your face look terrified because you saw the punishments you will get for your wrongdoings before you actually died (nazak).
2) God loves you. He wants to punish you now so later, in the afterlife, you would get a lighter punishment.

Eg 3:
A prostitute is supposed to go to hell, but the prostitute who gave the dog water with her shoe will be rewarded heaven.

There are many other ambiguities. I couldn't recall them at this time, but when they hit me, my thought goes like this: "Oh, this is another tease He is going to play on us". There is no way we could know, what trials and tribulations, joy and triumph, actually mean to us.

I watched a documentary about Hinduism. They believe in reincarnation. They believe they are born into a lower caste because of the past sins they did in the lives before.

That's why, in India, the people in the lower caste do not fight for their rights. According to them, they accept their fate because they did something wrong before. They would just try to become good human beings and hope after they die, they will be re-born into someone in the upper caste.

While watching this, with the faith I have in Islam, my immediate response was, "That is so wrong! How can you say that is your fate? How can you not fight for your rights? Because you are alive just once! There is no such thing as a reincarnation!"

But I always try to put myself in their shoes. If Hinduism was my religion, I probably would think the same way as they do.

Then, I started to apply this in Islam. What if there is no life after death? What if there is no hell and heaven? What if what I do in this life, doesn't count for anything afterwards!

Oh, I felt so guilty for thinking like this.

But, I read http://iammuslim2.blogspot.com/ by Kimster. Yes, I do all these with a sincere heart. If there was no heaven and hell, there is no regret. This is what I choose to believe in. I am obliged by Islam, my religion, but at the same time, I have faith for its teachings and I am prepared, noone is forcing, I am practising with my own will.

My logic tells me, the world could not be that cruel! Of course there are heaven and hell! Otherwise, life would be too unfair! What is the meaning of life if it was unjust?

Although I think about Islam, I am still not a good Muslim. It is all in the mind, no action taken by me to actually become better in practising this religion.

Ohh...Setan!