Cinta Alan

I used to know a Parisian, a Frenchman, an architect named Alan.

I don't know why, but I have a 'thing' for architects. I just love men with that profession. I used to imagine they were good-looking, decent and smart. But that was not the reason I agreed to go out with Alan.

Alan was nice and I thought I was representing the Malay Malaysian community, so, he could get to know us better.

He was successful, he worked in various countries such as Indonesia and Japan before. I was impressed.

So, we went jalan-jalan. He was a gentleman, holding my hands, opened doors, offered seats to me etc the usual things that make us feel special, which most Malaysian men tend to forget.

Alan told me about his family, his job, his previous relationships and the people he had slept with. He told me about how a married Chinese lady who wanted to have sex with him but he refused because he just didn't do colleagues. I liked having conversations with him. He brought me to bars and drank beers. He said, "I only drink on weekends. I don't drink when I am working. It is against my principle".

At one of the restaurants, he studied my hand, trying to be a fortune tellar. He said my hands were soft, and he kissed my cheeks.

He perfectly understood why I don't drink: because I am a Muslim. He introduced me to his friends and his friends told me nice things about Alan, despite their lack of English.

At one of the last bars that we went to, Alan confessed that he liked me. He said I was interesting and pretty. I was flattered, of course. No wonder he was being extra nice to me, putting his arm over my shoulders and around my waist, holding my hands etc. I thought he was just being the typical Parisian. You know what they say about Frenchman, romantic...

But I knew things were moving too fast. I told him it was too soon for me to decide whether I liked him back. I mean, I liked him, but not to that extent.

One night, he invited me to dinner. I agreed. He brought me to his apartment because I was excited when he told me he was a skilled cook. I specifically instructed him not to cook pork or have alcohol as an ingredient. He said he would cook fish.

Entering his apartment was something new to me. It was a different atmosphere. Have you ever entered an artist home before? I found out he was an artist as well. He drew many potraits, even a nude picture of one of his friends I had met earlier.

Little did I know Alan was craving to have sex with me.

He was honest, and asked to have sex with me many times before but I politely declined. I gave him many reasons: I am not ready, I am a virgin, I want to wait for the right man, I believe in sex after marriage, I am having my period and I am Muslim, I don't fuck around. Somehow, whenever he asked to have sex with me, I was not offended and he was not irritating at all.

While drinking his beers, he cooked in the kitchen. Once in a while, he checked on me, making sure I was comfortable, and we french-kissed.

He said, "Why do you kiss me if you don't like me?"

I said, "Well...I did not kiss you, you kissed me!"

Oh, and for your information, I was never sexy in front of Alan. All I wore were a pair of jeans and a simple top.

He explained to me about his paintings, and kissed me, I turned my face away and he served me a glass of orange juice and kissed me, and again, I made faces. I made sure I looked at him when he poured me the drink, just in case if he was trying to drug me or something.

I didn't want to lead him on, I even made it clear to him that we were just two friends having dinner together.

His apartment had a nice view. There we were, appreciating the beauty of the scenery, (konon-kononnya romantik and I think he was hoping I would melt) when he began to kiss and touch me all over. I pushed him slightly, I said, "I told you, I do not want to have sex with you".

"Why?" he asked.
"Because I am a virgin, and I am planning to stay that way!" my voice raised.

"But I like you. You will like me too after we make love".
"NO!"
"Look, no commitment. If you don't like me tomorrow, it is okay. But if you still like me tomorrow, then I will commit to you. Let's just try for one night".
"I said 'No'! I think I should leave!"

I walked to the door. He stopped me.

"Okay...I respect you. Lets just have dinner."
I looked at him and said, "Okay".

I was sitting at the sofa when he said, "Please sleep at my house tonight. I promise, no sex, just talking. I want to get to know you better".

"Alan, I think I wanna go home now".
"Why?"
"I don't want to sleep at your house"
"But it is getting late!"
"It is okay, you don't have to send me home. I will find my way"
"But...Wait!" he pulled my hand. He looked at me, "Are you sure?"
"I am very sure" I was really afraid that time. What if this Alan tried to rape me? I prayed to God to tebalkan imanku dan tidak terjatuh dalam perangkap maksiat Alan. Chewahh....Hehehehe...But, seriously, I was scared.

I was so scared, I was preparing myself to scream if he did anything weird.

"Fine. Just let me turn off the stove and take my house keys".
"Okay".
"Sit down".
"No, I will wait here, at the door".

So, he walked me to a station (LRT station, train station, bus station, commuter station? Hehe. I'll keep you guessing). He bought a ticket for me, and waited with me.

He apologized and he said I had hurt him.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Alan asked.
"I am busy tomorrow," I answered.
"How about the day after?"
"You have to see my friends and I".
"I only want to see you," he said, almost pleading.

I didn't reply straight away.

"I am sorry, but I don't think I could see you again," I finally broke the silence.
"Are you sure?"
"I am pretty sure".
"Is that what you really wish for?"
"Yes".

Silence.

"Then, erase my number," he said, challenging.
"Okay," I replied, taking out my mobile phone, erasing his number.
"You can't contact me after this," Alan said.
"I know. I don't want you to contact me again," I said.

He looked sad, so I tried to console him, the least painful way, "Look, you are a nice guy and all. But we are different. I am sure you will find someone you really like. But, you and I, this could not work. We are too different".

"But I really like you".

Silence.

"May I kiss you for one last time?"
Hish, mamat ni....Getting annoying pulak dah!

I nodded.
He kissed me long and gently.

He looked at me, "Are you sure?"
Konon I would feel something after the kiss la tuh....

I nodded.

"You go home. I am fine..." I wanted him to leave.
"I'll wait with you".

And my ride came.
He kissed me on the cheek, and I left him.

That was the day I almost got screwed!
I didn't tell anybody because they would scold me bad....