This morning, I received an early morning call from my boyfriend. With his obvious just-woke-up-from-sleep voice, he asked me, "Do you love me?"

He asked whether I love him or not, at the wrong hour. It was 7am! Perlukah?

"Kenapa setiap hari you mesti tanya soalan yang sama?"

Him: Sebab Dato' Fadzilah Kamsah kata, nak tambah kasih sayang kena cakap 'I love you' hari-hari. Kena tanya selalu. Kalau dah malas nak jawab tu, maksudnya ada problem.

Me: I tanak ikut cakap Dato' Fadzilah Kamsah!

Seriously, I don't know why people would listen to his motivational talks. So not cool.





As most of you have probably know, I deal a lot with third class citizens. These are the people I wouldn't know existed if I didn't accept this job.

So, I met with this one family whom I pity so much. They are so poor.

"Kasihannya..." I said, regretting the poverty and cruelty that we have in this world.

"Boss, tak payah nak kasihan dekat orang macam ni...Diorang cukup sifat, boleh bekerja, antara rajin atau malas je..." said of my staffs.

Though I have to agree with her, but I also feel that the world could be unfair and with all the selfish rich people around, it must be so hard to come out from the bottom and beat the odds with the limited sources that you have.

I never deny that I am at where I am now, just because I am blessed with a good family with good connections and I went to good schools my entire life. I grew up in a controlled environment, so I turned out okay and fortunate. Even with that, sometimes, I feel that it is so difficult to keep up.

One person asked me, why I didn't go all out to capture the snatch thief who hit me and broke my car. There were CCTVs, I could have done the 'kawad cam' or described him to an artist. But I did not. I made a police report, I slept and I went back to work as usual.
I never gave my answers.

Actually, I really don't care if a person is a drug addict, a criminal, or simply plain lazy, because I just cannot believe a person is born evil. They just got on the wrong foot, mixed with the wrong crowd, grew up in a broken family. Deep down, they are good, it's just that we have to dig in into their rotten souls to find it.
Some people are desperate. I probably would have done the same if I were in their shoes.
I am trying not to judge these people. I don't want to punish them without knowing, ignoring the, 'What about the good things they have done in their lives, do we ever acknowledge those?' I let the justice to be done by God, because afterall, the hardest thing is to be a just leader.

Come on, even the prostitute who fed water to the dog in the desert is forgiven by God, why can't I?

I wish we can do more to help, no matter what nationality or race or faith we believe in. We are all human.

From experience, I always want to help but I don't know where to start. I have a lot of clothes that I don't want to wear anymore.
Previously, before my family moved to this current residence, I live in an open, friendly neighbourhood where donations could be collected freely. Beggars would come knocking on our doors asking to buy silly things (keropok lah, sticker ayat-ayat Quran lah) and Mother would serve them with water (because they are usually so tired from walking under the scorching hot sun) and then, open up our shoe rack and ask the kids to pick pairs of shoes, or Mother would bring down used clothes and give them away.

I don't get people doing that anymore. It's probably because now we live in a guarded community, gates are closed and I don't think they are allowed to go up the apartments. It's so sad.

So, please, I urge my readers to contribute. The easiest that I've found so far is
http://www.cimbclicks.com.my/cimbcares.htm

Or maybe, the next time you decide to bernazar, why not bernazar to donate some money instead of fasting for a change?






Have I ever told you how much I love Amazing Race? I even sometimes imagine myself in the race, winning! But who would I choose to be my partner? Definitely not my boyfriend. He is not very competitive and I don't think he has what it takes to win, haha, sorry, boyfriend, but it's true!

Besides, friends as a team is so much more fun than couples on a team. Couples are usually too emotional.

Having watched the latest Amazing Race on AXN makes me feel like going to Sweden and Russia. I also want to go Norway, Japan, Egypt, Italy etc.

I wish I have the money and ample of time to enjoy myself there.

Money. Tadi baru ajak suruh menderma, sekarang dah nak belanja pergi jalan-jalan pulak.

Aku manusia yang tak pernah puas. Heh.

I love vacations.
Because I can dress up.
People give compliments on my look.
And take photos with me because I have style.

:)

The nice people make me believe I still have it.

Yahoo!

in pursue of a purse

Yeay! On a happier note, I am no longer sad, because, well, I shall not dwell on the past. I've already accepted the fact that it's simply parts and parcels of life and I am currently in the phase of mending myself back to my usual.

So, I am wondering whether we have a River Island store in Malaysia.

I thought I've seen it once, probably about two to three years ago. I remember the items were sold expensively but I can't remember the location.

I thought it was in Pavilion but when I looked through the directory, the store was nowhere to be found. I know there's none in KLCC, so, I think lah, the store is somewhere in the building opposites of KLCC. I can't recall the name of the building! Grr, it makes me so angry, even my boyfriend can't help.

I've tried to Google it but to no avail.

I am in need for a new purse. My old purse is a favourite. Why? Because it's cheap, small, unique and so pretty (superb combination, I must say)! It's a kiddy purse and I bought it for about RM25, could you believe it? However, because it is cheap, I think, the material has kinda already fallen to places.

My next one has to be small, unique and pretty, too, but not necessarily cheap. My friends, the two guys that I keep mentioning, especially the new one, keep pushing me to increase my shopping budget because he thinks I am being too cheap. Haha. I am not stingy, I am simply careful with my expenditure.

He is always like, "Ectopy, buy it! If you like it, just buy it. Don't think. You will never buy anything if you think. Ectopy, buy! Buy! I am buying more than you!"
Why can't he just offer, "If you don't buy, I'll buy it for you!" Haha, dream on...

My purse has to be small so that it can easily fit into my pocket. Sometimes, I don't like to carry my handbag just for a movie or dinner. Just my purse and mobile phone. Do you know how much stuffs they are in my handbag? It's so heavy, I tend to chuck everything in it hence the avoidance of carrying my heavy handbag every time I get the chance. So, that's why my purse has to be small and presentable.

A purse is a good investment, no?


Actually, they are not too expensive lah, probably a little over a hundred bucks, but I like it just because it is small, pretty and I know the brand is not very well recognized in Malaysia. I don't like seeing people having the same stuffs as mine. That's why I don't go ga-ga over Guess, MNG, LV and Gucci. Too many imitations and too popular that everybody wants them. (No offense, but that's just how I am)

Kalau ikutkan hati, I nak beli online je, but River Island don't ship to Malaysia! :(

Which one of the above shall I buy? Personally, I like the first one better but it's not so convenient as it can be easily stained. The second one is nice too, it is bright, happy and daring.

But first, I need to find the River Island store in Malaysia! Gah.

Hello.
Thank you for thinking my posts have calming effect at least to one of my readers.

But you are not alone, because writing in this blog brings some sort of calmness to myself too. Like today, I stay up late, just so I could write my soul down.

Sunday was yesterday's news and I am so glad that the week is over. I had such a bad week, very bad week that my eyes are all puffy. I've never cried so much since...two years ago? Everyone seemed to notice too:

- Are you okay? You look tired.
I smiled, I lied, I said, "Yes, I am a bit tired."

- You cried?
I smiled, I lied, I said, "No, I took a nap just now."
She asked, "You sure? Because your eyes are red."
I smiled, I lied, I said, "Yes, I just woke up from my sleep."

- You look terrible. You should go home and have some rest.
I smiled, I lied, I said, "I am okay."

- Ectopy, how are you?
I smiled, I lied, I said, "I am fine."




I used to think I was really, really good in hiding my emotions. Guess I have lost the talent. I don't know what happened to me. I used to possess this great confidence, that I actually believed nothing could break me, no matter what.

When I was young, things are much simpler. I believed that all I needed to do is to smile and I will be alright. I still smile now, but I carry a lot of stories behind my smiles that people actually can detect if I am not being myself.

Outside this cyber world, I am this funny, cheerful, carefree person and I maintain good relationships with a lot of people. I don't judge people too quickly. I don't really mind if many people hate the same person, as long as he/ she has never done a foul onto me, I am okay and I treat them the same.



Because of this, a lot of people don't know that I can be depressed too. And I don't like to be depressed.

I had a morning walk just today. It was impromptu, my heart told me me too. Just walk. Be outside, not home, not in the car, not at work, not online, but outside.

I walked for a good 20 minute, which reminded me of college. I used to walk so much back then. Alone. But college was different, it was safer and it was normal because so many people walked.

Anyway, I have good friends, even though I don't tell absolutely anyone about what really happened. One of them actually left me a note and some food while I was gone. I don't know if he knew I wouldn't have the appetite to eat.
That was nice. It made me smile a little bit longer.

Nowadays, I get to know myself better, I find that I don't eat when I am sad. I just don't have the appetite. Actually, I don't have any mechanisms whatsoever to overcome my sadness. I was never the impulsive shopper or binge eater. When I am sad, I avoid to cry but always surrender to crying in reality.




I called my boyfriend. He doesn't know what's going on (I told you that I don't tell anyone at all about my current problem) but the great thing about him is he did not push me into telling him.

Him: Sayang selsema ke?
Me: Kenapa? Suara I lain ke? (Force laughs) You tengah buat apa?
Him: (5 minutes of meaningless conversation). Okaylah, abang kena kerja.
Me: Abang...
Him: Ya, sayang?

I was so sad that I had tears in my eyes.

Me: You tak ada cerita ke? (I like stories)
Him: Pagi lagilah...Mana ada cerita sekarang. Petang nanti baru ada cerita...
Me: Tell me something funny.
Him: Hm...Semalam Abang mandikan Snow White (the cat). Abang pakai shampoo Abang. Lepas tu, Abang letak dalam sangkar, pasang kipas bagi kering.
(More happy conversation)

I finally let him go after I was satisfied.

That afternoon, I called him again. This time, I admitted that I was sad. He said that I should be patient and stay sincere. He said everybody has his/ her own obstacles and he knows that I am smart and strong enough to solve my problems.

Abang: Sayang jangan sedih-sedih. Nanti Abang sembahyang hajat untuk Sayang okay?

I don't care whether he executes what he said or not. But I like the way he reminds me to be the best person I can/ should be, always. Stay grounded and ingat Tuhan selalu.

Sometimes, at times like this, I wonder why I chose this path.

So, I look at happy/ beautiful pictures to cheer me up!


Oh, I just received a text from my boyfriend:
I tak nak tengok you sedih lagi. I nak tengok you sentiasa gembira and abang tak suka orang yang menyakiti hati you.

Thank you. :)

These past few weeks have been crazy for me. Work pace is increasingly quicker and I am filling my time with so many activities, home has become a place for me to sleep and have showers.

As usual, my post will be about random things I have encountered and manage to remember and translate them into writings.

1) To achieve civilization, think civilized.

I was busy over the weekend, so tired but needed to come to work. I met a client who asked a lot of questions. I politely answer them, standing by the rules: Kerja kena ikhlas. Besides, my clients don't deserve my bad mood just because I had a long, tiring day.
Then, she told me about her financial problems, she said, "Suami ada masalah kewangan sikit. Hari tu, anak sakit masuk hospital, kena bayar RM200..."

RM200 sounds little to me. In fact, I just spent RM180 on a water activity on the very same day. And there I was, meeting someone who had a difficult time to even pay for her daughter medical bills.

I should do more to contribute, kan?

This reminds me of the time when I had a Mat Salleh friend. At that time, the tax salary was hiking up due to the recession. 45%-60% would be deducted from their salaries (according to professions) to cover for the country losses.

While, us, Malaysians, would have completely flipped over this matter (if it ever happened to Malaysia), my Mat Salleh friend actually was supporting his government move. According to him, the more tax deduction, the better, because he wants his countrymen to share his wealth and he understands that the tax will be used to improvise the country as a whole.

My boyfriend argues that some advanced/ Western countries can afford to become welfare countries because they are rich.

But my boyfriend and I both agree that in order to achieve a great country status, the citizens need a paradigm shift. We have to think like civilized people think.

Bukannya berfikir, "Perdana Menteri ni jahat nak makan duit rakyat."

Sebenarnya, kita sendiri yang kedekut.

If we really think far, we can actually use the money to help poor people, the people can have free education or health service or free water, don't we all want that?

And we also whine that the petrol price is expensive, why can't the government subsidize just everything, sugar, rice, petrol, cars, everything lah! 'Kerajaan ni tak pandai jaga rakyat lah...'

I think, at the moment, we are quite okay because we only have to pay RM1 per visit to see the government doctors. It is very cheap to pay RM3 per night at the hospital, meals included!

We are being discharged with MCs and free medications! And how many of us actually use this privilege to get free medications for the rest of the families (even extended ones and neighbours) even though we could afford to pay for them.

I've seen it too many times. We like free stuff, who doesn't? But when it comes to giving back, we are quite a stingy society.

Tolong jangan kolot.

2)

Sorry for being emo up there.

I couldn't wait for the vacation I desperately need, a break from the hectic work life.

My friend, Jack, is quite weird. He's single and going out with Flora and Gina.

When I asked, which girl he likes, he said he likes Gina better.

Obvious choice, Gina is prettier.

Me: Are you bringing anybody to our vacation?
Jack: I am thinking of bringing Flora.
Me: But I thought you like Gina better.
Jack: So? Flora is a friend. Is it wrong to bring a friend to a vacation?

Men are weird. They keep sending us mixed/ wrong signals. And when we misinterpret, kita juga yang malu.

Dumb.

3)

My boyfriend is getting more and more jealous as the days go by.

Since my good friend Farid came back to Malaysia, we have been really clingy. Well, not so, I am just exaggerating.
I meant, we spend a lot of time together because that's what good friends do!

I used to think my boyfriend is more jealous of Rahim. Rahim is a new friend but we are like best friends now, so that makes my boyfriend suspicious. That's understandable, but to be jealous with Farid, that's hilarious!

Now, I can proudly say I have three men in my life, my boyfriend, Farid and Rahim.
Please note that these 3 men are the people who know me THE MOST. I don't know la, somehow I open up easier with them than with girls.
I love my boyfriend the most, of course.

And I am so happy that when I introduce Farid to Rahim, they click really well!

The other day, the plan was to go shopping with Farid. So, I picked him up and decided to beraya at Rahim's house. Rahim wanted to join so he followed.

Me: Abang, I tengah shopping dengan Farid and Rahim.
Bf: You ni...Kalau kawan-kawan I tahu girlfriend I keluar dengan lelaki lain...
Me: Ala, you tau tak, I rasa macam Farid dengan Rahim tu pulak couple. I dekat women's section ni, dioang entah mana tah, tinggalkan I!

Hahaha.

The other day pulak, Farid asked me out twice but I rejected him both times. At around 6pm, on the same day, he called again and insisted to meet, so I finally said Yes. He must have been really bored to invite me for a dinner after two rejections.

Text received: Abang nak main bola ni...
Text sent: I nak keluar ni...

Call received:
Bf: You nak keluar pergi mana ni?
Me: Keluar makan dengan Farid.
Bf: Tak bagitau I awal-awal pun...
Me: Dia baru je call ajak keluar. Lepas tu dia kata nak datang in 15 minutes.

Call ended.

Text sent:
Boleh tak I keluar ni? It's nothing lah, kan Farid tu kawan je...

Another text sent:

"You kena faham. Farid, even Rahim, are like brothers to me. You tau kan I memang tak berapa rapat dengan family. I tinggal jauh sejak kecil. So, I make my friends my family. They know me so well for so long. I sayang diorang, but I love you more because I am going to marry you. I may look like sometimes I don't care about you, but I do. I don't know how to convince you that I love you."

And that's exactly how I feel.

People are often surprised of how cool is my relationship with my boyfriend.

He is the guy I am going to marry, hence I don't find any problem to open up to him about absolutely nothing/ anything/ everything.





Lately, I have been talking about Brad P a lot, ain't I? I'm sure a lot of you guys have the perception that I am falling for him.

The sure thing is, I am not. Phew, that is such a huge relief.

Just now, by accident, Brad P told me something I didn't know about Vivien. It made me furious, because, yes, Vivien is my friend first, I've known her for about 10 years already, but why didn't she tell me the things she told Brad P?

I have the right, the priority to be the first person she turns to.
Why Brad P?
Am I not fun anymore? Am I no longer an understanding friend?

So, quickly, I sent a text message to my bestfriend (who is also my boyfriend),
"Abang, setiap kali I dengar pasal Brad P dengan Vivien, mesti I jealous. Kenapa ha?"

This is what he replied, "Biasalah tu! Jangan you ada hati dekat Brad P tau. Lumrah manusia memang macam tu."





I love my boyfriend so much. He didn't get angry at me at all. He didn't even suspect me to have flings on Brad P. He told what I feel is quite normal and it's okay.

I love him. Love, love, love. I hate Vivien and Brad P.





Women are complex. I can hate Vivien and Brad P, but my boyfriend can't. I can be angry and throw harsh words to Brad P and Vivien, but not boyfriend. Because, "How could you say that about my friends! They are my friends! I know them first before I know you! Well, I even see them more often than I see you!"

I mean, no matter what, they are still my friends and I don't want anybody else to hate them except for me.

Besides, I won't hate them for long. Sooner or later, I will need them back in my life. Who am I kidding?





And my boyfriend completely understands his role in this love-hate triangle between Brad P, Vivien and I. He never crosses the line. He is always supportive. Whenever I hate Brad P and Vivien, my boyfriend doesn't make me to hate him too.

Sure, sometimes he says the wrong thing, but it would be minor and he learns from his mistakes.

That makes me a very happy, loving, appreciative girlfriend.





I think my boyfriend doesn't realize the little things he does for me which makes me all warm, fuzzy and loved. True enough, some of you might find his acts I just described above are insignificant.

I couldn't explain it verbally, especially to my parents, that this is why he is the one. He is the man I am willing to spend the rest of my life with.

Every now and then, he does things like this, that always make me comes back to him, things that he doesn't know which reminds me of why I fall in love with my boyfriend in the first place.

It's neither about his material nor physical attractions. It's the values that he holds onto.

It's unexplainable, indescribable.

But when I met him, I just knew. I forgot along the way but I always know noone can beat him so far.





It's funny I am quite sentimental today.
It's all because of the SMS which I received from Mother a month ago, dated on 30th July 2010:

"Apa hal dengan kamu ni? Tak semena-mena melencong ke situ pulak. Alah, jangan takutlah, Si X tu tak akan lari. Dia tahu, satu hari nanti dia akan bergantung pada kamu. Percaya cakap Mother. Dia bukannya ada kerja. Entah-entah dah kahwin agaknya dekat sana tu."

I don't know what was wrong with me, but I forwarded the text to my boyfriend.

Oftentimes, I was told that I am being mean for not considering his feelings when sharing stuff like this. He shouldn't have to know about it. I could just stay quiet and spare him some mercy.
But to my defense, I need him. He is my future husband. Whatever hurts him will hurt me too.





There we were, comforting each other, being patient together.

And I can imagine, in fact, I know, on the day we tie the knot, tears would be rolling from my eyes as I remember how my boyfriend has stuck with me all this while. I will be in tears of joy and gladness that finally, he is mine and I am his, officially.

"Muda-muda lagi dah -bekerjaya-," said one of my clients. Well, I edited Pakcik's quote, the -bekerjaya- part was actually the name of the profession I am doing for a living.

"Tak lah, Pakcik...Nampak saja muda..." I gave him a polite smile.

He laughed, "Jangan tipulah, tengok tangan pun Pakcik dah tahu, awak ni muda lagi..."

I was writing at that time. So I looked at hands.

I look at my hands all the time. I notice that my blood vessels are getting more visible. Ugly hands, I thought. A lady's hands should be soft and smooth. I work too much sampai urat timbul.

Obviously, Pakcik is not a fortune-teller because he gets it all wrong.





I have a few gay friends, one of which always included in our circle of friends.

On one of the occasions during the early time when we were still getting to get to know each other, he said farewell to us after a midnight movie,
"Bye, gorgeous, except you, Ectopy!" with flying kisses and all.

We laughed.

At home, I moaned to my boyfriend how he didn't think I was one of the gorgeous, I didn't care whether it was intentional or not.

I mean, I know I am not, but, there's no need to add salt to my wound.

Today, I looked through my photos on Facebook, and I thought, I am not actually bad-looking lah! Biasa-biasa saja, and I am grateful because God could have given me an uglier face.

I am writing this now because it's so funny of me, I can be shallow sometimes. Looks are not everything and why did I still get offended?





Carol asked me the other day, "Are you and Brad P related?"
If you follow my blog, you would have known who is Brad P. I always give different nicknames for him, but he is always the same guy, my good friend/ colleague which I spend time a lot with.

I denied.

"Oh, I thought you guys were. I won't be surprised if you guys were related because you guys have the same features," she said.

Wow, that was the first time I get that. I was really expecting something like, 'You guys talk alike' or 'You guys think alike'.

Too much wey, now we are morphing to look like each other.

What I like about this blog is, I could talk about anything.
Things that I couldn't really talk in real life.

Like, I really couldn't tell people why I don't buy CDs, for fear people would think I am weird, or they'd say things like, "Stop trying to be pious coz you are so not!"

Haha.

Almost every night, before I go to sleep, I would tell sad stories that I encounter during my working hours to my boyfriend.
In return, he has to tell me happy stories before I go to sleep. I treat them almost like my bedtime stories. And it really works because sometimes, I fall asleep before the stories end. My boyfriend would create fantasies, about princes and princesses, dragons and genies. And of course, the princess would be me. :)

Sometimes, he would tell me funny stories.

Since we talk about everything,

Boyfriend: Kawan I baru pergi besarkan konek dia.
Me: Hah? Dekat mana?
Boyfriend: Dekat private clinic dekat *****
Me: Dia operate ke?
Boyfriend: Taklah. Injection je...
Me: Berapa lama boleh tahan?
Boyfriend: Entah, I tak tanya la pulak...
Me: Jadi ke?
Boyfriend: I tengok, besar lah jugak...I tak tengok lah konek dia, tapi I tengok seluar dia terbonjol je...
Me: Dia dah kahwin?
Boyfriend: Dah.
Me: Dia ada berapa bini?
Boyfriend: Seorang je...
Me: Dia plan nak tambah bini ke? (Laughs)
Boyfriend: Entah dia...Tak lah kot...
Me: Sebelum ni memang konek dia kecik kot... (Laughs)

Boyfriend:
Dia ajak I pergi inject jugak, I cakap, "Apa aku nak buat? Langgar dinding?"

Haha!

Jane: I have a question. Are you and Brad P going out?
Me: No.
Jane: Why? I think you should.
Me: Why?
Jane: Because you guys look so cute together.
Me: (Polite smile)
Jane: Why aren't you together?
Me: Because I already have a boyfriend.
Jane: But not here, right?
Me: He's far.
Jane: Well, maybe you should dump your boyfriend. Oh, my God, that is so mean for me to say! But, I think you should. (Laughs)
Me: (Laughs)
Jane: Seriously, you guys would be perfect together.
Me: Maybe, we are two individually, separately cute people.
Jane: True. But you guys are cuter when together. You know, sometimes, two cute people, when together, they turn up wrong!

Brad P? Nah...

Vivien: Leo ajak keluar. He and his girlfriend. Let's meet up.
Me: Jom.
Vivien: Ajak Tom C jugak tau.
Me: Okay. (A moment later) I dah text Tom C, he said, he'll confirm tonight. Kalau takde hal, he'll join.
Vivien: Nak jumpa dekat mana? And ajak Brad P sekali.
Me: He can't. Ada hal.

After a few minutes.

Vivien: Ectopy...How about kita jumpa lain kali? Since tonight tak ramai orang boleh datang?
Me: Okay.

Me: Abang! Vivien tu suka dekat Brad P lah! Bila Brad P tak dapat datang, she cancelled our meet-up!
Boyfriend: Biarlah. Asalkan Brad P tu tak suka dekat you...
Me: Tapi I rasa Vivien tu gunakan I lah...

Thank God there is no more jealousy in me.
I have accepted and if they are meant to be together, I don't mind.
Yeay to this!

:)

Still about it.

Come, let me tell you my secret.

Why I don't have an MP3 player.
Why I don't have CDs in my car.
Why I don't download songs.

Okay, first, it is because I have this very mild OCD to treat everyone/ everything fairly.

I think things have feelings too. So I will wear them the same amount of time. Or in this case, even though I have favourite songs, but highly unlikely I'd listen to them over and over and over again because
- I don't want to hurt other songs' feelings (if they ever have). Or more realistically, I don't want to hurt the creators/ singers of the not-so-nice songs.
- And that is why I prefer to listen to the radio. The songs are by random. Not my fault if I don't listen to it!

- I am aware that by getting into any vehicle, there is always chance that I'd get into a freak accident and lose my life, WHILE listening to songs.

Don't want that to happen.

If you follow my blog long enough, you would know that I am not a perfect Muslim.
So, whenever there's an opportunity for me to get free pahala, I would try my best to practise it.
Like, staring my steps with my right leg.
Or, never judge a person.
Pakai tudung will earn me free pahala too, but that's a little bit complex for me, okay?

And that's why, I love the sea. Free pahala.

And.

That's why I prefer the radio while driving, so, whenever there's nothing good on the station, I can flip through the channels, and at least, I would listen to IKIM.FM.

I seldom recite the Quran nowadays, so listening to it would at least make me less worst.

(Faint smile)

I read a blogger's post one day, about an unfortunate accident. The vehicles were on fire, burning the driver, and according to the witnesses, the driver recited the Syahadah before the car she was driving blew up.

Which, brought to tears.

I was driving, calmly, feeling safe, while listening to the beautiful recitation of the Holy book.
Then, assaulted.
I shouted and I cried.
Then, I realized the radio was still on.

But did I remember to say my Syahadah? I did not. What if I died that day? I'd be sinful, dying without clarifying that 'There is no god but God, and Prophet Muhammad SAW is His messenger'.

Even with a reminder ringing in my ears, I still didn't do it.
(Huge sigh!)