S and J.

After I heard the story of Jah and her husband, Salleh, I wonder, what's God's big plan for them? I wonder what did Salleh do to deserve Jah? I mean, he must have done something so right which manages him to get a loyal wife like Jah.

Jah and Salleh started their love affair way back, probably since college, or probably even before that. Salleh's family is not well-off, Jah was the one who supported him from one to time. One time, Salleh's house was on fire, he didn't have anywhere to stay. Jah is smart person, she was the one who helped Salleh all the way, even did some assignments for him.

In between those times, another man approached Jah and Jah was caught in a dilemma. Salleh fell on his knees, begging for Jah's love, Jah's loyalty, telling her he could never live without her.

A few years later, Salleh now works in a huge company in KL. He promised to marry Jah. With his huge salary, he told Jah he prefers Jah to be a housewife after marriage, because he could support them.

Although Salleh received education in a respectable religious school, his first encounter with sex was when he was 17 years old. This habit is made worse when he started to work in that company where everybody else is hip and happening, he feels he has to keep up-to-date with the current trend.

Salleh is pretty proud with his sex life and what man doesn't? He told his friends in details how he paid RM400 per hour for that whore and described her body and how they made love and how he worked very hard to ejaculate before the hour ends and how he could introduce you with this woman and that woman etc etc.

Boy, his bestfriend, always listens and never says anything to him. His principle is to never interfere with anyone's life, who are you to say anything to him? He told his girl, Ira, about Salleh and Jah, and many times Ira persuaded Boy to tell Jah about Salleh before they got hitched. Boy didn't think it was wise.

Jah eventually did know about Salleh's activities. But Jah's hope was high, she thought after they are married, Salleh might change.

During a school reunion, Salleh met his long lost classmate who is now a teacher. She is quite pretty and from then on, they sleep together regularly.

What made me wanted to explode is when Salleh slept with this teacher on the night before his engagement with Jah. When Salleh's mother called to ask his whereabout, he was cuddling with that teacher.

This teacher is fully aware about Salleh and Jah, but I guess she is just a cold, heartless bitch.
Yerla, cikgu kan miskin, tuh pasal tergedik-gedik dengan lelaki kaya...Oh, I am so bitter!
But it is still wrong, I would never want to send my children to a teacher like her!

After only 9 months of marriage, Salleh and Jah's marriage is now on the rocks.

Salleh no longer wants to be seen with Jah. Jah pakai tudung, orang kampung, tak cantik, tak sexy. Salleh wants Jah to go clubbing with him, conform with his lifestyles. Jah refuses to compromise her faith but she keeps on trying to be better and prettier. Siapa kata orang pakai tudung tak boleh cantik, tak pandai bergaya?

Salleh still sleeps around, he brags about this even. He told his friends the teacher is the best dish ever, he couldn't get enough of her. He rarely touches his wife.

One night, during an argument, Salleh insensitively told Jah about his sex with other women. How the women's bodies were fair and soft, with not even a single cellulite. He said he had no time to discuss anything with his wife, he would rather concentrate on his work.

Dayusnya lelaki ni! How could he! How dare! I went ballistic when I heard this part. But my outmost respect is to Jah, she still is very patient.

I think, if Salleh wants to file a divorce, let him. Jah should regard this as a blessing, a God's plan to save her from a useless husband. But Jah thinks differently, maybe this is a test for their marriage, she will make everything she could to save it.

Jah, you hold on, girl.
Salleh, you don't deserve a bit such a noble and sweet wife like Jah. You know, God could take back what He has given you anytime He wants, you just wait. I hope you will change very, very soon before it is too late.

Entahlah...

The aftermath.

I wrote before about the story of N, claimed by her family that she was possessed by an evil spirit.

Lets recap the last moment of her:

She screamed, had a seizure (I think, because a spoon needed to be inserted into her mouth and foam started to form) and the bomoh was contacted.

At this time, I gave my boyfriend a long lecture of how important it is to bring N to the hospital because N had not been eating and drinking properly, plus she could not sleep, even a healthy person could go crazy if these necessities are deprived for 4-5 days.

I also told my boyfriend, N might has an infection that affects her brain, which subsequently lead to behavioural changes. I made this diagnosis because I was aware N works in Pekan and this all started when she was in Pekan. According to my general geographical knowledge (correct me if I am wrong), Pekan is near to the forest where tropical organisms/ infections are common.

There are also other things that might cause her insomnia. Psychiatric problems, maybe? Who knows, unless you go for an investigation at the hospital. She was obviously ill and in need of help.

Anyway, after a couple of hours, the bomoh cannot do anything to alleviate the situation, so they decided to take N to the hospital.

My boyfriend visited her everyday. The first day, my boyfriend said she was stable and was severely dehydrated.

Today, I asked my boyfriend about N's progress and my boyfriend said, "Okay dah dia. Doktor jumpa kuman in her brain."

I immediately sought for my boyfriend's acknowledgement, "Haa...Kan I dah kata...Kena rasuk konon...Main tuduh-tuduh orang je..."

The thing is, I don't know whom would want to send an evil spirit to her in the first place. She doesn't have enemies.

I hope, the delay presentation to the hospital won't have a huge influnce in N's outcome.

So, the moral of the story is, what you can do if something strange arise is, first, seek for medical assistance. You can berdoa, solat hajat, panggil bomoh while you are at the hospital, can't you?

Malaysians need to modify our health-seeking behaviour.

G-strings and me. Me and G-strings. My friend, G-strings.

So far in my whole life, I own three pairs of G-strings or thongs, whatever you call it, I can't tell the difference.

Three. Three were given by the same man, on two separate random occasions, and no, the man is not my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is quite conservative, he'd die if someone he knows sees him with me buying lingeries. He has what we call, 'Malu tapi mahu' attitude. He wants to go lingerie shopping with me on one condition: there must be no witness!

"Lelaki lain belikan I lingerie, G-strings lagi, you ni, dahlah boyfriend I, temankan I pun you malu! Tapi bila dah beli, cepat aje you tanya colour apa, design macam mana, korek-korek shopping bag I pulak...Tak senonoh!" I scolded him.
"Adik-beradik I semua lelaki lah, I nak tahu rupa dia macam mana je!" coming from a 30+ year-old man, this is pretty pathetic.
"You tengoklah Mak you punya!"
"Peliklah tengok Mak sendiri punya! Gila nak perhati Mak punya! Mak I punya tak cantik. Mak I dah tua, dah tak pakai dah kot...Hehehehe."
"Ah! Tak boleh, nak tengok, you temankan I!" I said, laughing.
"Nanti orang nampak, malulah I! Kawan-kawan I tak macam kawan-kawan you...I kan dah bagi duit, kira macam I belikan untuk you la..." he said.
"No...You kena pilih sendiri design mana you suka, then you bagi I as a present, surprise me, baru betul!"
"I nak you pakai G-string," he said, half dreaming.
"I tak pakailah..."
"Kenapa? Pakailah! Sexy tau...Apa girlfriend I ni tak westernized!"

I don't know why but I never had the desire to buy and wear G-strings.
- I thought it was uncomfortable
- I am afraid of what Mother would think, "Ni apa tali reben reben masuk washing machine ni?"
- Panties are cheaper than G-strings, at least the ones I've found and liked so far...
- I couldn't wear G-strings when I am having my periods
- I am afraid my cute bums will sag without proper supports
- I couldn't wear pantyliners with G-strings. Yeah, yeah, I know there are specially designed pantyliners for G-strings out there, but...
- I am too old for G-strings?
- I thought G-strings are for slutty girls
- G-strings became very famous when low-cut jeans was popular. You wear G-strings with low-cut jeans, so everybody could see the strings on your waist. Peek-a-boo. Sexy...?
- Low-cut jeans are so last century! I am a die-hard fan of skinny jeans, bright, colourful skinny jeans...You don't need to wear skinny jeans with G-strings
- My principle is strong: Underwears shall forever remain private, not even one string, a string from a G-string, or a string from a bra strap, should be seen in public.
- I thought G-strings are too skimpy for me, I couldn't fit into one!
- I thought G-strings are just a style, which would die after two years. I was wrong, G-strings still exist!

One day, I saw a chubby friend, C, 5 years older than me, bought loads of G-strings. Wow, although older than I am, chubbier than I am, she has the confidence to wear sexy lingeries! 'I must not act old,' is my new resolution. If she could wear them, why can't I? Besides, I know many men fantasize us to wear G-strings, I should give it a go.

Besides, C said, "Best tau pakai G-strings, especially dengan jeans. Rasa best lah!"

So, I wore G-strings and announced it to the world. Not in 'come-see-my-peek-a-boo-G-strings-' kinda way, but more like, 'heyya-friends-today-i-am-wearing-G-strings-it-is-new-to-me-I-feel-like-I-have-accomplished-something-big' kinda way.

It took a while for me to get used to the strings in between my two buns, but not too bad...Not bad at all...

True, G-strings make you feel sexy and I vow to buy more G-strings and wear them more often. I will wash my undies myself or I will volunteer to hang the clothes from the washing machine before Mother sees them and wondered, "???"

G-strings are okay, but they are still a bit uncomfortable when worn to bed. I think, this is how it feels like, like men who don't like to wear undies when sleeping, is the same like me who don't like wearing G-strings to sleep. Rasa nak tarik tarik je...Tersepit. Or am I wearing the wrong size?

And one other thing about G-strings is, they make it difficult for me to pass winds.
Ada resistance.
Tak puas.
Velocity angin kurang.
Tiada bunyi.
Sungguh sopan.
Sexy?

complementary (not alternative) medicine.

My boyfriend has been performing solat hajat for the past few days at his friend's house because his friend's sister, N is suspected to be possessed.

N works in Pekan, Pahang, when suddenly one night, she screamed. Her housemates called N's parents and they came to see her. N seemed to be fine so her parents left. Her condition deteriorates as she keeps screaming at night and has difficulties to sleep. N's parents then fetched her to return to their hometown.

N hadn't been really sleeping for three days. She can't sit in her house, always wanting to go outside. The whole family is convinced she is under a spell of an evil man.

After two days, they started to host solat hajat beramai-ramai. No improvement what-so-ever. N's eyes are red and deep, a result from lack of sleep and probably, lack of food too. During the whole ritual, she just stared into space. Empty.

When my boyfriend told me about N, I felt pity for her. I thought they had tried everything but nothing worked. Little did I know, they haven't even brought her to see a doctor yet!

I told my boyfriend, the best thing now is to bring N to the hospital. At least the doctor could give her sleeping pills. She needs her rest and at the same time, the doctors could run some tests on her.

"I will advice my friend on this. She hasn't slept for five days now, and she is now wearing diapers," was my boyfriend's update on N.

A couple hours after that, my boyfriend sent me an SMS, "N is screaming, she is out of control. We had to insert a spoon into her mouth. They are now calling the bomoh (witchdoctor)."

Of course you have to protect her from biting her own tounge. Why can't they just bring her to the hospital?

I was still patient, I replied, "Kalau lemah semangat, jangan tengok."

Then, my boyfriend gave another SMS, "Berbuih mulut dia."

That started me to give a long speech, "Kenapa tak bawa jumpa doktor? Bawalah jumpa doktor! Mana tahu there's something wrong with her brain that makes her lose control of her own body! Let the doctors run tests on her. At least she could get her sleep! Doktor boleh bagi dia ubat penenang. I bukan tak percaya benda-benda buatan orang ni, tapi dah berapa hari buat solat hajat, tak jadi apa kan? Maksudnya, mesti ada sebab lain. Kalau N ada dekat hospital, still boleh buat solat hajat kan! I bukan marah nak panggil bomoh, tapi asyik-asyik doa saja! Ini bukan caranya! Kena ada usaha juga! Nak tunggu dia mati dulu baru nak bawa jumpa doktor? Dengan tak stabil macam ni, nutrient pun tak cukup, apa susah bawa pergi hospital!"

I wish I was there to put some senses into the family!

"Susah, sayang, cakap dengan orang kampung..." my boyfriend said.

I was angry. I felt like slapping her family members and abduct N myself and bring her to the hospital. But I was not there.

I can't believe my boyfriend's friend allow this to happen. He is well educated. "Esok, kalau tak pulih, baru bawa jumpa doktor," he said.

Wah, wah, wah...Sia-sia je kalau esok, jumpa doktor, there is an actual medical reason behind all these. There are many conditions that could lead to interruption to the brain, not just, "Terkena buatan orang."

Ah, I pula yang emotional dan sakit hati.

Ular.

A model had a pet snake. She loved her snake very much, the snake even had a special basket in her room for it to sleep in.

One day, the snake suddenly refused to eat.

So, the model brought the snake to see a vet.
"I even give my snake its favourite food, mice, but it still refuses to eat," explained the model.
The vet told her not to worry.

The model was unsatisfied, she brought the snake to the zoo, next.

After some inspection, the zoo keeper asked her, "Is there anything strange happening? Anything unusual with its behaviour?"

"No, no. Everything is fine, except the snake refuses to eat. The snake usually sleeps in its basket but a few nights ago, it began to sleep with me in my bed," the model said.

"I am afraid we have to kill your snake, miss," said the zoo keeper.

"What? Why?" the model was shocked to hear this.

"The reason your snake refuses to eat is because it wants to eat you. It sleeps with you in your bed because it was actually measuring its body against yours!"

So, the zoo keeper took her snake away.

The model was sad, obviously, so she bought a new snake to replace the old one.

True story, no joke.

Azan

Saya memang seorang yang selalu bermimpi. Malam tadi, saya bermimpi lagi. Saya berjumpa seorang ibu yang sedang melahirkan seorang anak. Suaminya entah di mana.

Anak selamat dilahirkan, tapi ibu itu sedang nazak. Badannya tiba-tiba berasap-asap dan reput. Di sebalik kepulan asap, tiba-tiba badannya dibaluti kain ibarat mumia.

Saya sedih. Sebelum menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir, dia berkata sesuatu tentang agama Buddha. Maka, ketahuilah saya bahawa dia merupakan seorang mualaf, yang bertukar agama tanpa iman, hanya sebagai tiket perkahwinan.

Anak itu diberi pada saya. "Sudah diazankan anak ini?" Saya bertanya pada semua bidan dan pembantu-pembantu. Saya mencari si bapa tetapi gagal.

Lalu, saya pun membisikkan azan di telinga anak itu. Si bapa tiba-tiba muncul dan membiarkan saya menyelesaikan azan.

Kemudian, saya terjaga dari mimpi yang samar-samar maksudnya.

Azan Subuhkah itu?

little one.

Mother sent Niece to school. In front of the school, Niece refused to leave the car.

Niece: Hari ni cuti sekolah.
Mother: Tu, budak ramai. Kenapa pula cuti sekolah?
Niece: Kawan kite cakap cuti.
Mother: Jangan nak mengada-ngada. Kalau kawan makan tahi, nak ikut makan tahi?
Niece: Tak mahu.
Mother: Sekarang, turun. Pergi sekolah.
Niece: Tak mahu.
Mother: Kenapa tak mahu?
Niece: Tak mahu.
Mother: Tak ada anak-anak MakTok yang tak suka pergi sekolah tahu! Perangai apa ni? Ikut perangai keluarga Mama ya!
Niece: (Menangis)

Niece was really testing Mother's patience. As a result, Niece received two slaps on both of her cheeks. This is really a record. Mother hadn't slapped anybody for almost 15 years. I remember Mother slapped me when I was her age too. But I only got one slap, not two. And that was the only time.

Mother: Cuba nasihatkan Niece. Her behaviours are like yours (degil dan suka melawan).
Me: Mana ada. Orang masa kecil, suka pergi sekolah, tak pernah ponteng.
Mother: Itulah, Mother bagitau dia, anak-anak Mother tak ada yang tak suka pergi sekolah. Bangun pagi pun susah sekarang. Mother tak tahu dia ikut perangai siapa. Mother rasa, family Mama dia kot. Bila Mother cakap macam tu, mula dia buat muka sedih.
Me: Mother bagitahulah parents dia.
Mother: In front of the parents, dia takut. Tapi dengan Mother, degil semacam.
Me: Ustazah sekolah tu garang kot. Kalau tak hafal, kena rotan.
Mother: Ustazah dia threaten dia, kalau markah teruk, kena turun darjah. Habis, malam, tanak pulak dia belajar.
Me: Apa dia buat dekat rumah kalau tak pergi sekolah? Bukan ada kawan pun (there are no children her age in the neighbourhood).
Mother: Asyik-asyik drawing. Drawing and watching TV. Kalau bab kahwin, tak tidur malam pun takpe! (Niece's auntie on her mother's side just got married last week)
Me: Lepas you slapped her, dia pergi sekolah?
Mother: No. And I had to lie to your Father, sekolah cuti hari ni.

-----

Me: What happened today?
Niece: Takde apa-apa.
Me: MakTok buat apa?
Niece: Sembahyang.
Me: Tak pergi sekolah tadi?
Niece: Bila Auntie balik? (Pandai tukar topik)
Me: Soon.
Niece: Boringlah Auntie takde. Baliklah...I miss you.
Me: I want to balik too. Tapi banyak kerja.
Niece: MakTok sakit.
Me: Sakit apa?
Niece: Gatal-gatal. Dah jumpa doktor, dah makan ubat, tapi ubat habis.
Me: Nanti Auntie tengok.

-----

Why is she acting up?
Is my child going to be like her, refusing to go to school? How will I handle it?

-----

Mother: Her Bahasa Melayu teruk sangat.
Me: Kenapa?
Mother:
Kari ini rasanya pahit (pedas).
Rambutnya comot momot (kusut masai).
Bintang-bintang bersinar (berkerlipan).
Dia pergi ke sana untuk makan hati (makan angin).

Banyak lagi dia silap. Semua yang senang-senang!

-----

When I come home soon, she is going to get a Bahasa Melayu crash-course from me!

Memories of the brain.

Why are we able to remember things from childhood, but we can't remember the things we just did/ talked yesterday?

Why can't we remember the things we want to remember, but we could remember the insignificant things in life?

In highschool, a motivator (and I hate motivator, FYI, I don't think they serve any purpose to me) gave a talk on 'How to remember things'. He said, to remember, we have to make it important. One example he gave was, "Kalau sembahyang itu penting bagi kita, kita takkan lupa untuk bersembahyang".

My opinion is 50-50 on this. I partly agree because, how else could I remember this quote if I hadn't thought religion is important to me? It hit me hard because he talked about God and the pillar of Islam.

I disagree because there are a few times, although not many, I did genuinely forgot to pray. Does that make me someone who takes solat lightly? Although, I do admit, most of the time I didn't pray, was not because I forgot, either I felt lazy or simply because I couldn't (ie: forgot to bring telekung, pakai baju bernajis etc, and don't get me wrong, I didn't purposely wear dirty clothes, work makes me dirty!)

Besides, there are other unimportant things that embed my mind, such as, song lyrics! They are not particularly important to me, but how come I could remember them without much efforts? Sometimes, I don't even know the meaning of the songs, until I actually sit down and listen to what I'm singing. How could my mind mumble words I don't understand?

The mystery of the mind...Maybe I should read "This Is Your Brain On Music" by Daniel J. Levitin. Hmm...I wish I had the time!

As I grew up, I always tried keep my mind clean, no pollution what-so-ever allowed, so to keep my mind sharp. This include: jangan makan organ macam hati dan perut, jangan makan telur ikan, jangan makan otak ikan, jangan minum air yang ada semut, jangan tengok salib, jangan tengok pornography, jangan panggil orang bodoh, nanti diri sendiri yang bodoh. Religious people said, "Nanti ilmu susah nak masuk". Did it work? Is it true? I don't know, I no longer care (but I do still feel guilty and dumb everytime I break the above rules).

My theory is, I remember better when I was smaller because I used to be a white canvas. The purity, the eagerness to learn and to face life, the fantasy to be the smartest person in the whole wide world, the protection from the cruel reality and the mean, bad world made my mind accepted things easily.

At a very tender age, your brain absorbs like a sponge. Why not utilise the opportunity? I think, that's why it is very important to instill the most basic and important values while the kid is still young and empty. You fill him up with good values. This is because the things he learn when he is small are the things he will hold onto when he grows up.

What's basic? ABC, 123, alif ba ta, respect, solat, always put the toilet seat up when peeing, etc.
Why basic? Because without these fundamentals, a child won't understand the teachings he is going to get later in his life. 'Easy' makes a habit.

What's important? ABC, 123, alif ba ta, respect, solat, always put the toilet seat up when peeing, etc.
Why important? Because without these values, a child wouldn't grow up into a fine gentleman.

I have a friend whose sister learn how to speak Cantonese by watching the TV. I think, I too could learn the Cantonese language if I watched the TV series since young. I assume her sister is gifted with a high IQ (because my friend herself studies Law in Oxford University, good genes run in the family), but I am sure I could do wonders too if I watched the TV series everyday.

Another friend of mine was strictly trained by her mother to eat the healthiest food. I never seen her drinking any carbonated drinks or eat junk food or asam, and indeed, she excels in her studies. I think that's a bit too much, no? What's life without good food? She is free to eat whatever she wants now but she still chooses the healthy option. It has became a habit to her.

During childhood, I thought I could memorize everything. Of course I could, I only lived for 10 years! I still remember where my classes were and the names of my class teachers. As we grow up, we learn how to select things to remember and how to block certain insignificant things. Sometimes, we get confuse on which to select due to so many things going on in our minds and instead of remembering the things we want to remember, we end up doing the opposite.

That's why some of us have repressed memories as well.

Eureka, I've found the answers!

I specifically remember the time when I was seven, sitting outside with my family. I heard my parents talking, Mother said to Father, "Esok". Then, I remember asking Mother, "Esok tu apa?" I thought, does esok and besok carry the same meaning? Yes, they do. I don't know why I remember that moment very clearly.

One person, I don't remember who, asked me this, "Do you memorize Al-Fatihah?" I thought, yes, I do. He said, "No, you don't memorize the surah, you know Al-Fatihah. Do you have to think before reciting Al-Fatihah in your prayers? No, you recite it naturally."

Memorizing and knowing are two different things.

I used to envy those people blessed with photographic memory. I never met any, though. Guess I am jealous with people I don't even know, eh? Anyway, I watched a documentary about photographic memory. A person with the so-called photograhic memory is actually over-rated. They only have photographic memories in the fields they specialized in. For example, the chess player only has photographic memory on the chess boards and the arrangement of the chess pieces and the coloured cube player only has photographic memory on the cubes and the colours.
So, it is actually acquired after many trainings, even you can do it too. It is all only the manipulation of the mind. There is really, no person in this world with genuine photographic memory. At least, not yet, anyway.

Excuse me but this is going to be off the topic, the same motivator I mentioned above believes in order to remember things, we should learn how to focus. Did you know what did he do next? He cramped us all in the school hall, closing all the doors to block our views from looking at unncessary things that could potentially took our attention away. He forced us to look and listen only to him, how cruel is that! His alibi was, "You would remember what I said this way". Hell yeah, I remember all the misery he gave me in that two days because I was traumatised! He said, we shouldn't sleep too much because, "Nabi tidur beberapa jam saja. Saya dulu masa belajar PhD pun tidur 3 jam saja sehari!" 'Jadilah seperti saya yang tak tidur untuk berjaya macam saya yang sebenarnya tak berapa berjaya pun', I wanted to add to his stupid speech.

I think, next I will try to analyse on why during childhood, I could see so many things in the sky, but now, all I could see are just clouds. There are just clouds. I want to see burgers, flowers, cats and dogs like I used to when I was little. Where has my imagination gone too?

Pernah tak berperasaan begini...
"Awat bodoh sangat my other half ni!"
Sambil pegang kepala macam tak percaya.

A quote that goes something like this (I can't really remember):
Why do we hurt the people we trust the most?
Because you know they will still love us no matter what.

How true, eh?

Anyway,
It just feels good when more than one person fancy you. I think I have three at the moment, and I love to threaten/ tease my boyfriend about it. Sometimes, I even forward their text messages to my boyfriend, just to tick him off.
One keeps calling me 'Sayang', another calls me 'Baby'.
And just now, I laughed while reading their text messages, and told my boyfriend, "Men are funny creatures".
They are. They know I am not available but still buat perangai mengada.

Jiran dulu.

Everytime the school needed money to build an extra block or renovate the surau, we were forced to seek for donations.
Being the enthusiastic 9-year-old that I was, my friend and I literally walked house-to-house asking for money, under the hot sun! I don't remember how much we managed to collect, but not much even after all the hard work!
Then, I came to school and saw other friends collected more money than I did. Some of my friends even received special letters from the teachers. I wondered why I wasn't chosen to get the letters. Later, I found out, the chosen students were the rich ones. The school 'personally' asked their parents to donate a large amount of money for the school.

One of my friend's parents decided they wouldn't donate money for the school, instead, they donated a blueprint for the surau.

Although I was not rich, and most of my friends were, it never bothers me much.

I lived in a terrace house, and boy, was I in love with that house and the neighbourhood.
Everybody knew everybody, everybody knew everybody's extended families.

For example:
- my neighbours knew my aunties and uncles, and when they came for a visit and we weren't home at that time, my neighbours would offer them their houses for them to wait for us.
- most of our neighbours came from Johor and Selangor. When we balik kampung, we would stop at my neighbours' kampungs.
- when my aunties and uncles came for a visit, they would pay a visit to our neighbours too and vice versa.

Such a happy neighbourhood.

I remember, we kept the Raya spirit alive by visiting each other in large groups just like the scene in a kampung. The husbands and the wives and the children walked from one house to another and talked and laughed. The children were usually left upstairs to play. If they were still fireworks left, we would go outside to light them up.

Most of my friends from school lived nearby. Raya was the time to go to their houses and collected money from their parents. It was pretty safe during those times, my parents were never worried. All Mother cared was how I could stay under the sun for so long and darkened my skin on purpose.

Although we lived in the city, we had our 'mengaji' sessions at a neighbour's house. I miss the pulut kuning. All mothers in the neighbourhood were good cook, so, we always exchanged kuih muih during tea time.

My neighbours and I were really close. When we were playing at the playground, and one of their mothers wanted to go to the pasar malam, she would take all of us there too. I didn't have to ask permissions from my parents. They usually asked around and found out we all went to the pasar malam with neighbour number 1.

And when it was Maghrib, all mothers in the neighbour should shout is: Doraemon sudah start!!!
We would race with each other to see who arrived first to watch Doraemon.

On weekends, my sister and I would go to my neighbour's house to play from morning to evening, we even had lunches at my neighbour's house. Your house is my house!

I remember my friend's mother made carrot juice for her because she started to have blurry vision. She hated the juice and in the end, I finished it for her. She has the biggest Barbie doll house and her brother who is the same age as mine would join our 'masak-masak'.

Once he said, "Pepet macam mulut ikan kan?" and since then, he reffered vaginas as ikan.

When we got sick of playing in the house, we would go to the hill and from there, we would explore the neighbourhood. There is a big, old tree on the hill, we used to pretend it was a house. Sometimes, we went to buy sweets at the kedai runcit and give candies to the winners of the football matches. Kecik-kecik dah gatal...

In the evening, the nenek next to my house would cut the sugarcane fresh from the trees and we would suck the sweetness away.

Sometimes, the bai roti or the ice cream man competed with each other for customers: us, the children.

I spent most of my life in that neighbourhood. We then moved to a bigger house which I don't really like. We don't know anybody, they are not very friendly, everything looks so foreign, I don't belong there. It shouldn't bother me much, because I no longer live with my parents.

I hope, someday I will live in that kind of neighbourhood in the future, for my children.

Bila sakit...

A Muslim believes an illness is a test of faith and therefore we should be patient.
We also believe it is a form of punishment, it is better to suffer here on Earth, than to be burnt in Hell. (Penghapus dosa)
(FYI, berwudhu' is another form of 'penghapus dosa')

Many Europeans believe an illness is a some kind of punishment from God. You are sick because you are bad.

However, many indigenous Africans believe you are ill because of the consequence of a witchcraft. You are casted under a spell to fall sick because someone is jealous of you. Someone is jealous because you were too good, most probably posed as a threat to that someone.

Interesting.
You fall sick because you are a bad.
And you fall sick because you are good.

Sana-sini terdengar, teringat...

She/ He is witty.

-----

Once, I had a lunch with two Europeans and we were discussing about the current situation in their country.
Brad* asked Tony*, "How much money have they raised for the hospitals?"
Tony* said, "I think it is about half a million now."
Brad* then turned to me, "You know, it's sad to see the hospitals still need to raise money for them to run properly. Shouldn't the government channel proper fundings to them? Where has the money gone to? Personally, I don't mind paying higher taxes in order to get back proper health services," he said.
Brad* is a professional who had to pay almost half of his salary for the tax every year.
Something to ponder upon.

-----

In Malaysia, we have to pay for our taxes and Muslims have to pay for zakat. Still not enough.

-----

A man said this to me years ago, "Awak belajar jauh-jauh tu, semuanya saya yang tanggung! Duit cukai saya, awak tahu!"
Bitter.

-----

Many of us want cheap things. Cheap things are good, even though we could afford expensive things. But did you know, the people in China/ Indonesia who work in the factories/ farms that make/ provide cheap things for you are underpaid? In order to lower retail prices, they have cheap labour. And who suffer in the end? The poor becomes poorer, the rich becomes richer.

-----

I think, although we don't have a good health service in Malaysia, but it's cheap enough for the poor to gain access. I don't think there are other countries like Malaysia.
I remember a fellow doctor friend who hopes for this: if you have the money, go to the private hospitals. You'll be helping to reduce the crowd in the government hospitals, thus, we could provide you with better health services. There are too many patients in the government hospitals and we have shortage of doctors in the government hospitals. Some of the rich ones demand for us to attend them first although their cases are not urgent. This is not fair for others.

-----

I remember a stranger talked to me while waiting for the bus together, "I had an accidents a few years back, and I had to wait for an hour before the doctor saw me! The health services here suck!"
I smiled, "It's worse in Malaysia."

-----

"Kerajaan jual minyak murah kepada nelayan, beri lebih subsidi kepada mereka, dengan harapan nak membantu. Tapi apa nelayan buat? Mereka beli minyak kita dengan harga yang murah, kemudian mereka jual balik ke negara jiran secara haram, berkargo-kargo! Apa nak jadi dengan masyarakat Malaysia ni, saya pun tak tahu! Bila tak tolong, dikutuk-kutuk, bila tolong, mereka tikam dari belakang. Mahu senang dengan mudah."

-----

"Dahulu, Mahathir mahu guna matawang Dinar untuk proses jual beli antara negara. Beliau mahu elakkan daripada menggunakan matawang Dollar. Tapi bila diusulkan, orang Arab tolak idea Mahathir. Dinar tak laku, kata mereka. Sekarang tengok, Jepun pun dah mula mengelakkan matawang Dollar. Padahal dulu lagi, Mahathir sudah beri idea itu."

-----

"Minyak negara kita sudah dikira antara yang termurah di dunia. Tapi masih ramai rakyat tak bersyukur. Mahal sangatkah? Tapi dari mana pula Mat rempit dapat duit beli minyak buat lumba haram?"

-----

A: Apa you dapat dengan main politik?
B: I bukan main betul-betul, I main gitu-gitu saja...
A: I tak suka orang main politik sebab 'gitu-gitu'. Kita perlu ada orang Melayu yang betul-betul hendak mengubah nasib rakyat kepada yang lebih baik. Niat you ni berpolitik ni dah salah...Sekarang macam mana? Mahu sokong parti lain? Jadi lalang?
B: I tetap sokong UMNO. I tak mahu Melayu berpecah belah. Siapa kata I main politik dengan niat tak betul?
A: Baru tadi you cakap you tak serius main politik. Sekarang, cakap lain pula.
B: I tak mahu beritahu you. Biar orang nampak kita begini. Tak perlu semua orang tahu niat kita berpolitik. Cukup berpada-pada.

-----

C: Kasihan Pak Lah. Orangnya baik.
D: Pak Lah jatuh bukan sebab dirinya, tapi sebab menantunya, si KJ. KJ main kroni. Kalau letak satu dua, tak apa jugak. Siapa tak sakit hati. Pak Lah jadi mangsa.

-----

Selamat Malaysia baru :)

the election.

This is what I gather from brief discussions about the recent election.

-----

Mother and Father were shocked about the results, even pitied BN. I said, "Didn't you vote for the opposition? I thought you love them so much?"

Then, Mother went on saying how they didn't mean for them to win. They intended just to scare BN, so that the party won't be so arrogant. Mother and Father wanted BN to feel a little bit vulnerable.

"See, if everybody had your kind of mentality, this is what happens," I said.

"I don't mind if one or two states are ruled by the opposition party, but FIVE!" mother exclaimed. "Even Selangor!" she said.

"I am not surprised with Selangor, Mother. Most of the citizens are so-called 'educated' people, that's why they voted for the oppostion, they want changes," I voiced out my opinion.

"True, true..." mother agreed. "The Kelantanese are full of bullshits," Mother laughed. "BN provided them with money and transportations, but they voted for PAS!"

-----

I talked to the people in Penang, "DAP?"

"We don't know what happened! It's probably because DAP promised to abolish the Penang bridge toll," one of them explained.

-----

I talked to a Kelantanese, he said, "PAS memang baik. Tapi PAS tak pandai memimpin. Tengok, takde universiti pun dekat Kelantan. Macam mana nak maju?"

His analysis was, "Negara kita ni baru nak membangun. BN belum habis membangunkan negara kita. Jadi sekarang, segala kemajuan dah terbantut sebab pembangkang dah ambil alih. Lainlah kalau negara kita ni dah developed, macam United States, contohnya. Negara mereka memang dah stabil, jadi, kalau kepimpinan jatuh ke mana-mana parti pun, tak jadi masalah, kemajuan masih berjalan lancar."

"Orang putih 100 tahun lebih maju dari kita. Mereka educated. Kalau nak compare dressing orang Melayu dengan orang putih, orang putih pun menang! Tengok Malaysia, berapa ramai yang sekarang tengah buat Master/ Phd? Tak ramai. Sebab tenaga pengajar pun limited. Singapura contohnya, import tenaga pengajar dari luar negara, sebab itu rakyatnya hebat, universiti pun tersenarai one of the best in the world. Even polytechnic di Singapura pun lebih hebat dari universiti di Malaysia."

He continued, "Dr. Mahathir memang bijak. Beliau bina Litar Sepang. Sekarang, Singapura pun mahu tiru Malaysia. Beliau yang memperkenalkan kita dengan Internet. Kalau tidak, sampai sekarang kita lembab. Sebab beliau juga, kita ade kereta nasional. Banyak lagi beliau buat. Tak ramai orang Melayu yang dapat forsee the future like he does."

"Dr. Mahathir dulu memang mahu nak beri jawatan PM pada Najib, tapi Najib baru lagi, belum ada pengalaman. Beliau bercadang nak bagi jawatan PM kepada Pak Lah satu penggal sahaja...Sebab itu Dr. Mahathir suruh Pak Lah letak jawatan, sekarang orang Melayu dah berpecah belah," he said.

Entah betul, entah tidak, fakta yang kenalan saya beri ni.

-----

A lady said, "Kalau Pak Lah letak jawatan, siapa yang layak jadi PM? Takkan Najib kot?"

"Why?"

"Najib takde cahaya sinar kemuliaan dekat muka dia...Macam tak boleh percaya je..." she said.

"True, true."

"I think, Rafidah should be our next PM," a friend said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I like her speech! Power..." he gave his reason. I didn't read/ listen to her speech, so, I don't know.

But I disagreed, "Rafidah can't be the PM! She's a woman. Very emotional..."

"True. If she was a guy, I think she would be great," he said.

-----

"Kalau Nik Aziz jadi PM macam mana?" I asked.

"Imagine if he had to meet Hillary Clinton," my lady friend smiled.

"Nanti dia taknak salam!" another lady friend from Kelantan teased.

"Can he speak English?"

-----

"Majoriti masyarakat Malaysia merupakan orang Melayu. 70-80% maybe? Tapi, dalam banyak-banyak orang Melayu, berapa ramai yang berkepimpinan? Berwibawa? Kena ubah semua ni..." a man said to me.

"You jadilah one of the Malays yang berwibawa tu! Cakap je pandai!" I shot back.

-----

"I tak suka bila Melayu berpecah belah!" a man said to me.

"Iya lah, bukan semua Melayu itu baik. Ada yang tak baik. Takkan kalau kita dah tahu dia tak baik, kita nak undi untuk dia lagi! Tentulah kita undi untuk pemimpin yang baik," I said.

"Tapi kita kena fikir jangka masa panjang. Parti lain pun ada propaganda tersendiri," he said.

-----

"Negara Islam, tapi lama-lama, bukan Islam yang jadi pemimpin agaknya," somebody said.

I said, "Tak apalah...Manalah tahu perubahan kali ini untuk kebaikan...Kita cuba...Kalau tak okay, penggal depan, kita ubah undi kita!"

-----

Summary: I am surrounded with BN supporters? Dulu konon merajuk dengan BN.

Multi-purpose

I asked my boyfriend,

"Who do you think will suffer more? A wife who loses her husband, or a husband who loses his wife?"

My boyfriend said, "The husband who loses his wife because when a man loves woman, he will love her wholeheartedly, it is so hard for him to let go".

Yes, maybe that's true, because I have a cousin whose wife died after about 6 years of marriage and now, about 10 years later, he is still single and refuses to find a wife even after much encouragement from his mother and mother-in-law. I always wonder why, is it because he is still very much in love with his late wife that he has none left for other women or he simply doesn't find a suitable replacement.
Good-looking, smart, successful, he has everything, including two lovely children, except a wife.

Anyway, after I carefully investigated my boyfriend, his initial answer was: the woman who loses her husband. I forgot to ask his reason though.
He even asked his friends' opinions and they agreed on the man who loses his wife because they said I'd kill him if he answered otherwise.

So, I told my boyfriend about the guy who said this:
"I think it will be harder for the woman to lose his husband because a woman is emotional. She is weaker by nature. That's why I don't why to die first and leave you all alone this world. I want to take care of you. If you fell sick, I want to be there by your side. I don't want you to carry the burden to support our family, let me do it because it is my responsibilty."

Ahhh...Such the perfect answer.

The reaction I received from my boyfriend was, "That's so sweet. I want to take care of you forever too."

I hate it when my boyfriend is not thoughtful. He needs someone to drill it in his head first before getting the point.

For the next question, "Who will suffer more? A child who loses his/ her parent/s or a parent or parents who lose/s his/her/their child?"

My boyfriend said, it is harder for the child who loses his/ her parent/s because the loss of tempat bergantung.

I agree with my boyfriend in this one because a child might not understand why his/her parent/s is/are taken away from him. A child needs love and guidance and it is heartbreaking when a child becomes an orphan before he/ she is ready.

Parents who lose a child however, are more accepting and in this case, they can find comfort and support in each other.

It is incosolable for the child, because the one who usually does the counselling are adults, and how many of us really understand what's going on in his/ her heart? Although all of us have gone through childhood, how many of us really remember how it must be felt at such young age? We don't have support groups for children. And when a child try to express their feelings verbally, it is limited because, well, he/she is just a child...It could even affect his/ her future.

I didn't ask my boyfriend the next question: Do you prefer to be excellent in one thing, or do you prefer to be average in many fields?

I personally think, I am good in many fields that sometimes, I wish I knew my niche. It is sad when what you do don't receive any recognition because they are just average.

Sometimes, I envy people who are excellent in what they do. Take for example, Siti Nurhaliza. She may speak terrible English, had Grade 2 for SPM, but look at where she is now. She accomplishes so much just because she is an excellent singer.

Or, that photographer friend of mine. Armed with a DSLR, he shoots beautiful pictures and his photography business is going strong.

Me? Hand me a task and I will manage to complete it. I am good in many things but never great.
I am multi-purpose but I am just average.

It is sad. Sometimes.

Yang layak.

Boyfriend: Sayang doalah BN menang.
Me: I doa agar pemimpin yang layak menang.

Semoga keputusan kali ini merupakan doa yang dimakbulkan. Amiin.

Actually, I am afraid of the future, what kind of changes will be made?

Sibuk.

Bought something from ebay and the seller sent me the wrong item. Bodoh. Menyusahkan hidup.

----------

Kawan cakap, "Dia memang dah patut kahwin. Dah bersedia mental dan fizikal!"

Saya cakap, "Bersedia fizikal? Hahaha! Kalau fizikal aku, dah bersedia tak? Boleh kahwin?"

Kawan cakap, "Kau belum lagi. Fizikal tak belum bersedia. Kau sedikit buncit."

Me, buncit??? Ouch!

I would like to argue that a woman should not lose weight just because she is getting married.

My sister-in-law was and is not a slim woman, but she looked pretty on her wedding day.

My friend, instead of losing weight, she actually gained weight despite all efforts to lose the fat, but she looked lovely as well on the big ceremony.
Badan dia montel-montel, gebu-gebu, mantap-mantap, montok-montok gitu...I tengok pun geram rasa nak gigit!

What do I think about my body? I feel very comfortable in it. I used to feel quite insecure because I gained weight rapidly after puberty, from a skinny girl into a blooming woman (cewaaah...time tu baru 14 tahun dah a woman konon), but as time went by, I got used to my new, improved body and began to accept and love myself.

I may no longer wear the smallest size, but men drool at me, or at least I think so. Men still do check me out and I still do receive nice comments from men about my body (I annoyed my male friends about going on a diet and they spilled the beans on what they and their friends think of my physical! I do it to flatter myself, just for my own amusement, and it works everytime! They might be lying just to stop me from whining, but there's no harm to be 'perasan' once in a while)

I may have a fairly flat chest but I am positive my girls will grow into a C/ D cup after being caressed/ massaged/ sucked/ licked/ bitten/ etc by my future husband/ future kids.
At least it is more unlikely of me to have sagging boobies, so, I am happy.

I don't know why women nowadays, even the teenagers and kids, are so obsessed to be slim. Most of them don't even need the weight loss! I understand if they do it for health, but they could just do that by exercising. It is healthy and cheap!

I pardon these women and girls, but I totally don't get it why mothers join this Size Zero craze too!

A mother should have a motherly figure, don't you think? It is fine if a mother is slim and has a body of an 18-year-old, but it is definitely not okay if a mother has a bit of excess love handles and starting to feel ashamed about it.

You are a mother. You are beautiful in the eyes of your children. Your children bring you joy, and why can't you sacrifice your body which is not harmful at all to barter with the blessings? Embrace the gift, play with your children, ensure you feed your chidlren with healthy food (and automatically, you'll start having a healthy diet as well) and you'll lose the weight without you even know it. I love the radiance and the glow of a mother/ bride. Beautiful.

According to my years of observation, I lose weight better when I am happy and do not think of losing weight at all. Isn't that ironic?

I believe you can still be pretty even though you are a bit chubby. It all depends on how you carry yourself.


Tagged by -guile-


The Linking Tag Rules

List out five favourite links - the links can be of business sites, affiliate links or whatever that suits the blogger.
Tag five more people to share their links, so hopefully, at the end of the tag, we would be able to share good links with each other.
The links MUST be clean. No X-rated sites.
List out only FIVE links.
You MUST tell the FIVE people you chose.
Provide the link back to the person who tagged you.
Obviously, it should be an active link.

Before I list down my favourite links, I have too many okay. Below are picked randomly from my favourites:

1- Pink Is The New Blog and Just Jared for entertainment and fashion.
2- imeem for songs.
3- youtube for clips on everything else.
4- facebook for tagged pictures (surprisingly, I am not an addict)
5- half or more/ less of the blogs listed on the right side of this blog ------>

I cheated, didn't I?

and I tag

1. penyangak because he is every female's wet dream.
2. I want to still tag coops although she has been tagged. Nevermind, she hasn't done her tag yet.
3. bangkai because I am stalker and I want to know his favourite sites.
4. a doctor has the time to surf the net, meh?
5. she tagged me before, so I am tagging her on this one this time.