Both children are already asleep and I am excited to update this pathetic blog.
But, what shall I write about?

Do I write about my husband's tantrums/ mid-life crisis?
Someone pressed a police report against him because they got into a physical fight and he whacked him first, and he didn't tell me until a few days later!
OMG, so drama. I just told him that he really shouldn't be involved in fights because umur dah 40 lebih, puh-lease!!!

Because of that, it reminded me the time when he told me that he slapped a Tesco worker because the trolley carts hit my son. According to him, what made him really angry was, my son was just standing there, he wasn't running around or anything, when the trolley carts (yes, trolley carts in a long line) hit my son and he bled, but the worker didn't even say sorry.

I guess it was so scary, my son terus tak jadi menangis when he saw my angry husband.

I advised my husband to have more patience, but in my husband's defense, he said that man hurt our son. I couldn't say anything more.

Oh, my...Even though I wasn't there during both occurence, I still feel embarassed. I can't believe I married someone who has this kind of temper.
I mean, I didn't even know he can be like that! I know him as a chill guy, very loving and gentle...

And that's why I'm telling you, he's going through a mid-life crisis. What else can explain it?

I want a big family, but my husband doesn't.

-----

Me: Ya, pakcik, ada apa?
Pakcik: Pakcik nak minta tolong awak tulis surat, sebab pakcik nak ubat ini.
Me: Pakcik tak boleh beli sendiri?
Pakcik: Mahal ubat ni. Pakcik tak mampu. Dah 2 kali pakcik beli. Harga RM212.
Me: Okay. Pakcik ada anak?
Pakcik:
Pakcik ada 3 orang anak. Dulu pakcik merancang. Sekarang pakcik menyesal, tak ramai anak boleh tolong. Dulu, ingatkan anak 3 orang, pakcik didik elok-elok. Semua belajar tinggi, kerja bagus, tapi tak bercakap.

-----

Ya Allah, I pray my children will forever be close and take care of each other.

Sometimes, I am in a love-hate relationship with myself.

Like...I miss the old me, I was young, vibrant, couldn't care less about what people think of me (you wanna hate me? You're welcomed, I hate you too)...
I was confident, had lots of friends, I thought I could do anything I wanted, fearless and I prayed more.
I was happy and definitely laughed more. I pushed myself and was always trying to win the race.

But, I also like the way I am now, wiser, calmer, still couldn't care less about what people think of me (but in a living-in-my-own-sweet-world sort of way).
I am no longer confident, but I am careful, I am comfortable being alone, I fear many things now (like death, my children's safety, if my husband is faithful, whether or not my eternity will be in heaven), maybe I don't pray as much as before, but now I do it whole-heartedly, I am slowly trying to understand what I recite, and I try to do it correctly.
I am now more grateful and more content with myself. I can no longer keep with the race and I am not that threatening contestant anymore.

So, yeah, stories of my life...
I guess it's a sign of maturity?

Anyway, since I am more mature now, I realized I have quite a number of jeans. It would be silly if I buy more jeans...

So, I spent my weekend making DIY boyfriend jeans and fringed jeans. Yeay! I feel trendy now. Haha!

Also...I don't whether I should be mad...

I bought this...

 But I found this...

Like, what the hell...
I felt cheated. Because obviously, the price was more for the design and the brand instead of the quality of the material used.
Luckily, I bought it at almost 50% off.
But still, I thought I was snatching a bargain!
Not so much of a bargain now...
Pakai pergi kerja?

I was reminded by Allah, how precious this life is, how soon death is, and how unexpected things are. Indeed, He is the Master plan of all.

I couldn't contain my sadness when hearing a grieving husband cry. This macho man, who couldn't care any less that he was wailing like a baby, "Yang, bangun, yang! Yang, bangunlah! Anak kita kecil lagi. Yang, bangun!"

I saw the baby, not even two months old, now motherless. So innocent, calm and pure. Oh, child, your mother left too soon, going to a better place, I'm sure.

Sudden death is the hardest. Because you are not prepared for it. You couldn't say your goodbye.

As I felt sad, sympathy and thought how cruel this world can be, I took a moment and told myself...You know what, I should also envy this woman.
This woman passed on a Friday morning, during her confinement period. Her sins must be so minimal to be the chosen one. Such a special lady, I wish I knew what was her amalan.

I wonder how my ending would be like. It's scary, not because life is temporary, but because I am not sure if I belong in paradise. Bilalah nak insaf dan berubah...

The image of what I saw today will haunt me for a few weeks at least. This is sad.

I rarely check on comments, especially if it's being left recently on my previous, previous posts. So sorry if I didn't reply earlier.

Someone asked whether I did get Puj Flyte for my baby. Yes, I did. I ordered it through Lazada. The best part was...I ordered for Puj Flyte, because it's cheaper, about RM186, but I received the Puj Tub instead.

I loved it. So much. Used it every day, at least 4 times per day, until my baby became too big for the sink. 4 times per day because my niece, who is a week younger than my daughter, used it as well.

Money well spent because we really used it. My brother offered to replace it but I told them that it isn't meant to be long lasting. Guna sampai lunyai je.

Everybody loved it, especially Mother, because she didn't have to bend her back. Since we were using the sink at the dining area, and the sink is next to the window garden, my maid always joked that my baby had spa instead, sambil mandi, sambil tengok pokok-pokok...

My aunt saw how convenient it was. By the time her granddaughter was born, she borrowed it from me too.

Now, that Puj dah buruk...Expected lah for something that is made from foam. Good quality foam though. Puas hati sebab it really serves its purpose. I say, buy it. For new mothers, ditch the bathtub altogether. Tak kuasa lah nak squat down...Space consuming pulak tu.

-----

While I'm at it, I also want to talk about other great baby items I got for my baby, more prepared compared to my first experience.

I also bought Zen Swaddle by Nested Bean. Also recommended. I think my baby slept better with it.

I was initially drawn to the product because it promised better sleeping hours for the mother. Haha. My sleep is precious, okay.

I think it did a great job. Just that I think the cloth is a little too thick for Malaysian weather, so we needed to switch on the aircond everytime she slept with it.

The weight on the baby chest to mimick a mother's touch is pure genius. I remember when my baby was a few days old, 7-10 days maybe, she slept for 5-6 hours straight. One time, I woke up in frantic because I slept so well, I fear my baby was not breathing!

I bought mine from ebay.

-----

For stroller, it was Babyzen Yoyo vs GB Pockit vs Recaro Easylife.

Babyzen Yoyo is overpriced and has too many imitations.

GB Pockit, although small, compact and light, requires 2 hands to handle. Not suitable for me who is on-the-go and we often use the aeroplane to travel.

What I like about Recaro Easylife
- can be opened and folded single handedly
- freestanding fold
- small, light and compact enough
- 8 wheel suspension

I modified mine so it can be wheeled or hung on the shoulder. Ala...Pakai tali strap je...
So, if we have big luggage and kids don't want to sit in their stroller, I can just wheel it. Although, this rarely happens because I usually put my bag and other things on the stroller instead.

It's for 6 months old until 15kg only. But my firstborn could still sleep in it comfortably.

So, for me, the only downside is...it's not for newborn. To compensate, for the first 6 months, I would use Babywrap by Mak Yang. It's locally made, a copy of an international brand. I bought mine at RM99, now it's 50% more expensive.

Okay lah. Tiga produk setakat ni. Nanti kalau I rajin, sambung lagi...Hehe.

Ranting...

1) How do you guys wear tudung? Why am I still not an expert of wearing tudung nicely? It's frustrating when I thought my tudung was all pretty, but it would be out of place after a period of time. Why you no hold still? Why you senget! Is it because my tudungs are cheap? Perhaps, I'm just not pretty enough. You know how some people can simply throw a shawl, all messy but still look pretty? Not me.
(-___-)

2) I used to think local products should be cheap. Like yo, you are made locally. With the price like this, might as well I buy proper brands.
Then, I realized...Well, they are expensive, perhaps because of the designs. I mean, you gotta pay for designs too, right...
Other brands could be cheaper because they simply copy the designs! You want cheap, you buy the Siam mad or China made lah, the ciplak.
Established brands could also offer cheaper brands because they sell in bulks. More produce, cheaper price. Can't get that for local products, especially if they are still babies. Hopefully, one day, when they've become bigger, they could bring down the price further- although highly unlikely, hehe.

In the meantime, if they are too expensive for your likings, always wait for the discounts!

3) My son is still with my husband, so what I did was...fraying the hems of an old pair of jeans. DIY project was not a 100% success because I think I should cut it above my ankle, but, whatever, boleh tutup aurat, hehe. 90 minutes well spend.
Next project is making the boyfriend's jeans.

So, no more excuse of 'I don't have anything *nice* to wear'.
And in the spirit of minimising my spendings, I pledge to mix and match my clothes a lot more.
Thank you.

I think I have a love-hate relationship with myself.

Like...I am glad that I am not the kind who needs to upload and share every single thing I do on the Internet. Love my life!

But...When I see these people having nice pictures and going for holidays, I'm like, damn, why am I not like that! Hate my life!

Haha.

Anyway...Dah lama I tak perasan. So, today, I nak perasan cantik, excuse me.

A colleague of mine from a different department casually asked me.

Him: Ectopy, Ectopy, bila nak kahwin?
Me: I dah kahwin lah...
Him: Oh yeke...Dah ada anak?
Me: Dah...Ada dua anak.
Him: Oh, sepasang ke?
Me: Ha ah...
Him: Yang kecik umur berapa?
Me: Setahun 5 bulan...

Okay. Two reasons why I'm allowed to be perasan.

1) Was he hitting on me?
2) Do I look younger than my age?

Hahaha! Either way, I am happy because...I don't feel pretty in a very long time...So, this is considered a huge compliment, despite me not wearing any make up to work. Yeay!

I told my husband. Via Whatsapp. Untunglah bini cun...Haha!

Once upon a time, I was thinking of sending my son to school when he was 2 and half years old. But Mother said he was still too young. Then he turned three. By that time, my husband always bring him to his hometown, plus my work commitment, then we had our vacation, then it was fasting time, and Raya...

Finally, we enrolled him to a kindergarten.

My criteria are
- it must be Montessori (just because I know my son is that kind of person)
- my aim is not him being able to read or write or count. My aim is for him to be independent, kind and smart
- it must not be a shop lot. It must have a compound. I just like the idea of an open space for the kids to run around, although, I know they would be spending most of the time indoors anyway...
- English medium
- near to my house
- schoolbus is available

We narrowed it down to two- both have its pros and cons

Kindy 1
- cheap, about RM100+ per month
- Islamic based- I especially like the fact that kids must pray before they leave
- the principal has 20 years plus of experience and has a diploma/ degree from UK for childhood education or something like that
- flexible- they have the 8 until 10.30am class, and 11 until 2.30pm class
- they provide real food like mihun goreng etc

Kindy 2
- new, clean and more vibrant looking
- small class- only 9 kids at the moment with 2 teachers
- multiracial
- expensive, about RM300+ per month

Guess which one we chose?

The second kindy!

Because...

- my husband likes it better because of its small class, it looks like it is more organized and they can pay more attention to my kid
- the teachers are not Malay and with its multiracial kids, we are very convinced my son just has to learn to speak English properly!
- the principal of the Kindy 1 is kinda old school...Although she is experienced, she even treated me like one of her kids!
When we visited her kindy, I asked my husband, who was keeping my son occupied, "Macam mana? Okay tak?"
She thought I was asking my son, so she started to lecture me that we, as parents, must make the best decision for our kids, because kids can't make decision for big things like this, bla bla bla.
I didn't want to embarass her, and I repsected her as an elderly, so I just nodded my head and agreed with her (which is true, I was not letting my son be the boss!)
But she went on, and onnnn...
And then", I finally said, "Actually, I was asking my husband".
- my son looked more relax when we visited the second kindy
- we visited the Kindy 2 twice, and he really made himself comfortable there. Haha. Tak malu.

I was actually torn, because I really didn't want to be a bad Mommy. You know, we should make Islam number 1 in our lives, I want my kids to really have strong foundations in Islam...

But then again, I want to shape my kids morally first. Respect people of other races, learn how to carry himself in public, socialize without prejudice, you know, be a morally good person.

Besides, Islam tells us to shower our kids with love first, then only teaches them how to pray and fast when they are seven years old and so...Soooo...We probably would change kindy later when he is older.

Since Kindy 2 only has 9 students, (haha!) this is so laughable, because sometimes, at 8.30am, my son would be the first person to arrive, the rest only arrive at 9am or so! What kind of discipline is this! Haha!
And the teachers are more attentive and they would send me photos of him.

We think we made the right decision, because my son has stopped crying after 1 week. I'm so proud of him!

I sent him to school on day 1 and day 2, didn't even take a day off from work and just left him with the teachers. I was in rush, didn't have the time to be melodramatic about it.
My husband sent him on day 3, 4, and 5. Then, my mom.

He really enjoys his school.

Butttttttttttt

Today his teacher told me he is quiet.
QUIET?
OMG, at home, he acts like he is the biggest demanding little boss ever!

Me: Really? Because he has been telling me the stuff he did at school and he is happy.
Teacher: Yes, yes. He joins in the activities, he listens to our instructions, he can remember what we told him. I don't know whether he understands me or not. He just smiles...
Me: I think he understands you. He is just not speaking English yet because we mostly use Malay at home. But he watches English cartoons.
Teacher: One time, I asked him in BM, then he answered me a little bit and smiled.
Me: Haha.
Teacher: He can't hold a pencil yet.
Me: Oh, okay. (I think his teacher is asking me to have more practice with him).
Teacher: And sometimes, when we are having our activities, after a few minutes, he would wonder off. But that's okay, we just let him be. We don't want to be pushing him....
Me: Ohhh...

(Haha...Memang expected pun...My son ni memang kurang fokus sikit!)

So, anyway....I just feel like writing about my son going to school...Tak lama lagi nak pergi big school, susahlah nak holiday lepas ni...

----------------

Me: Abang!Jom kita pergi Morocco. Sekarang Malaysians dah tak payah pakai Visa!
Husband: Morocco ada apa?
Me: Ada souk. Ada unta...Boleh tengok orang Badwi. Haha.
Husband: Boleh shopping apa?

(-__-")
My husband ni...Bilalah nak jadi cultured sikit! Shopping je keje...

I miss my son. He's with his father. He will be 4 years old this year. Awww...4 years! I still remember how small he was, how round he was, how cute and how cheeky...Man...I should really start digging his old photos again.

Anyway, suddenly remembered what he said earlier during Ramadhan.

Was breaking fast when I asked him not to interrupt.

Me: Pergi duduk depan. Jangan kacau Mommy. Mommy nak makan.
Son: No! Mommy tak boleh makan!
Me: Mommy kena makan! Mommy nak buka puasa!
Son: Tak boleh buka puasa! Mommy tutup balik puasa! Tutup! Close! Close! Tak boleh makan!

Haha.
Sometimes, I wonder, what funny things I said when I was little...

This year, we broke traditions.

My husband didn't buy me batik.
My husband didn't buy me gold jewelleries...

Well, he wanted to. We went to our regular shop, and it looked like that it just got robbed. The ones that were left did not look appealing at all. New stocks are only coming in 2 weeks time.

I didn't have two weeks. I'm gonna start working tomorrow :(

Anyway, I hope we still get to go for our yearly vacation tradition. The memories are priceless.

Did I tell you we went to Tokyo again earlier this year? Love it. And such an awesome feeling that we survived with two kids! Haha. We make such a good team, my little family...

Things my son said

(1)
Son: Kita nak pergi mana ni?
Husband: Pergi rumah nenek.
Son: Ni bukan jalan pergi rumah nenek.
Me: Nak pergi rumah nenek lain.
Son: Tak nak!
Husband: Kita kena pergi melawat dia. Kesian dia duduk sorang-sorang.
Son: Kenapa dia duduk sorang-sorang?
Husband: Sebab suami dia dah meninggal.
Son: Kena tinggal! Kenapa dia kena tinggal?
Husband: Bukan kena tinggal! Dah meninggal! Dah mati!
Son: Dia pergi tinggal dekat mana?

(2)
In the car, leaving the house.
Husband rolled down the window.
My son popped his head out and waved.

Son: Bye! Bye bye! Bye bye! Bye bye!

We never saw him that enthusiastic with strangers. He must be in a really, really good mood, we thought.

Son: Bye! All aboard the express train!

Hah! No wonder he was so semangat. He pretended to be on a train leaving the train station!
Pengaruh kuat si Thomas and Friends.

You guys should see his satisfaction look for being able to board his 'train'. Haha.

Every time I am depressed, I will think about happy times. Like just now, I got depressed reading about the child abuse case. So, I now, I am thinking about how joyful my raya celebration was.

I am so grateful to Allah for this life, Alhamdulillah. My children are a handful, but they are so precious, love them to bits!

I am glad that I married a kampung man. We really celebrated it the traditional way. And for all the failures I've had in my life, at least I have my family which I am proudest of.

My son is such a kampung boy. He salam-ed the elders, made conversations and he was comfortable.

I was not like that. I used to really hate it to balik kampung when I was a teenager. Hated the dust and sand, hated the mosquitoes, hated the heat, hated the toilets, hated the fact that we couldn't get proper TV channels...I used to bring the shortest skirts/ shorts and was such a brat, OMG, why was I like that!

Anyway...My children really enjoyed Raya and I will always remember their laughters and smiles. In 13 years, my boy will be 17 and ready to leave the nest. I, on the other hand, will never ever be ready for that.

Today, before coming back to Klang Valley in 12 hours time :(

I hugged a pillow crying, imagining myself was there next to a scared, hurt child, I so badly wanted to comfort him, alleviate him from the pain, protect him...

Oh, child, you innocent, pure soul...You must be so happy now up there.

I love my children and I tell them I sayang them all the time, but I'm not really the type who ask them back- Do you love Mommy?

My husband is that type. So he got all the love (verbally) from my son, especially, since he's the only who can talk among the two, and as everybody knows, they have this special bond. So, whenever Daddy is around, Mommy can't go near, cannot kacau, can't even talk to Daddy because my son adores him so much, I'm considered the third wheeler.

Daddy enjoys this very much, of course. He feels special. I am there for my son on most days, but when he comes home, it is 'Mommy, go away!'

WTF.

Anyway...

Today, just for fun, I asked my son, "Sayang Daddy ke Mommy?"

"Mommy."

Wow! This is something new. A progress. In fact, I am gonna treat this like the best Mother's Day gift ever!

Before I put him to sleep, I asked, "Suka Mak Su ke, suka Mama Na (both are his aunts)?"

And he said, "Suka Mommy lah!"

Oh, my heart melted. Second strike!

Didn't expect that kind of answer at all, so I said, "Thank you."

-----

Last week, we were getting ready to go out. I put on my lipstick and checked myself in the mirror.

Me: Abang K, Mommy cantik tak?

Son: Tak cantik!

Husband: Haha! Daddy?

Son: Daddy cantik.

Me: Daddy tu tak cantik. Daddy tu hitam!

Son: Daddy hitam tapi cantik!

Husband: Hahaha!

I am seriously convinced my firstborn is what we call- a high-need child.

It is so tiring to layan his kerenah, special in his own way...

He stubbornly refuses to go poo in the toilet still, and wants his diapers.

The other day, there were guests in our house and he pooped.

Problem is- he refused to be washed.

He cried and cried and I was so patient with him.
I didn't want to yell because the guests might hear.
I also didn't want him to continue screaming because the guests might think: what kind of mother who lets her child scream and cry.

So, I dragged him quietly, pinched him, gave him my stern, serious face, and whispered loudly that I will wash him and please stop crying.

After that, he continued to cry...Oh, my, my son can really cry for hours, I tell you...And with my daughter who also didn't want to share attention and cries whenever I am out if her sight (she's at that age now)...

Anyway, at least he was all clean now, so I closed the door. I laid down and...I pretended to pass out.
Yep, just I ignored everybody.

After a few minutes, I thought my son would panic. Or, you know, I expected him to try save me, like the viral videos about kids who saved their parents...

But, he just went, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommmyyyyy!!!" and he shook me a bit...

Then, he fell asleep.
My daughter just continued to breastfeed.

(-___-")

My daughter just turned one and she is so cute!

She is small, unlike her big brother when he was at that age...
But, my daughter is so clever.

Before she hit one, she was already shaking and nodding her head appropriately.

It's so easy now because she could understand me and I could simply ask her what she wants.

Sometimes, I am talking to my son, but she will be answering me too.
Comel sangat!
Dahlah suka joget pula tu.

Me: Abang K, lapar tak? Nak makan?
Baby H nods her head.
Me: Baby H, I am talking to Abang K, not you!

So cute, she's like a doll...Dahlah rambut masih halus je...
And she is already walking like a pro.
Very playful too...

I remember when she was 8 months old, she was fussy during her bedtime. Until I had enough and scolded her. Like a teenager, she kept quiet and pretended to close her eyes until she really fell asleep. No need Mommy to pat her butt.
Tau pun takut bila Mommy mengamuk...

I should take her photos more often lah.

My son thinks the moon likes to follow him around.

Son: Kenapa moon tu ikut Abang K?

Me: Dia nak friend dengan Abang K...

Then, the car stopped at the traffic light.

Son: Kenapa moon tu stop juga?

I still remember the time when I thought the moon was following me.

Remember when I said I wanted to teach my children the truths and no fairytales?

Well, I can't.

I love watching the innocence in their eyes.

Last night, the moon was crescent.

Son: Daddy, kenapa moon tu patah?

Son: Daddy, siapa cabut muka moon?

Love!

:)

Been super busy, but my kids are growing up so fast!

The baby is already taking a few steps!

And the boy...

Daddy: Abang K nak pergi school?
Boy: Tak nak! Nak makan sayur je!
Me: Kenapa nak makan sayur je?
Boy: Nak pandai, makan sayur je. Tak nak pergi school.

Wow. I praise his penaakulan mantik! Haha.

And...He does not even eat veges.
I can already imagine myself having to deal with his lame excuses when he's much older.

Same problem every year: don't know what to get for my dear husband's birthday.

Anyway...
I have been having bouts of burst tears lately, it makes me think whether I am pregnant again. Haha. My husband doesn't think so, but I have to check, just in case.

Anddd...I'm kinda involved in a case of a mother who was about to sell her baby...I'm so angry because I feel like I need to save the babies, but the babies are actually going to good homes...I also feel like I need to save the mothers, but they are all doing it willingly, for the money...

The only way is to stop the demand. But, there will always be couples who are desperate for babies.

So, yeah, my drama of the week.

Watched a video about refugees- mother and son got separated in order to live.

I can't imagine myself going through such ordeal. Me, not knowing how to contact my children, not knowing whether they are alive or not, not knowing whether I can ever meet them again...?

It's as worst as dying.

Oh, Allah, protect us all.

Define sedeqah.

Me: Abang, I tengah lunch dekat Restoran XXX. Haha. Kerja sini kena guna banyak duit.
Husband: Tak apa, sedekah.
Me: Sedekah? Hari-hari makan luar. Tak boleh nak save duit!
Husband: Makan dekat luar tu, kira sedekah lah...

One of the reasons why I love him is the way he views certain situations which are different from me.
I need that. I need someone who opens my mind.

Hi!
During year end sales, I started browsing Instagram. As you know, I had been avoiding Instagram because I felt I already spend so much time on Facebook, I didn't need another distraction. Unfortunately, I succumbed because a lot of those Hijabista sales were more active on Instagram.

(I kan on the way to be more syariah compliant now)

Anyway, I'm regretting right now. Because I stumbled the lives of the rich and fabulous, and I'm looking at myself like...Errr...

Haha.

I still don't have a single post on Instagram though, because my life is not so exciting, duh...

So, what's been going on?
Well, I have quite a number posts as drafts, all half-written, because I usually wait until the kids go to bed, but by that time, I would end up too sleepy to write. Haha. Typical mom problem.

I work in a new place! I serve the so-called elites now. So far, it has been okay. But the stress...
After a month long at home (another story), I keep comparing how happier I was at home, how more organized the kids were...At least, at home I don't get to be all stressed up to prepare slides for meetings, write reports etc.

I'm sure there are different kinds of stress being a housewife, but you don't have datelines, don't you?

Enough of that.

What else...
Hmmm...My husband bought a handbag for me, yeay, because I like it.

And I am really looking forward for our holiday in April! Yeay!

Oh, my firstborn is still not in school because I wasn't scouting since I thought we would be in my husband's hometown! Sekali tengok-tengok, dapat kerja sini pulak. Habis spoil semua plan, but indeed Allah is the best planner.

Hhmmm...Itu je kot. Bebel lagi nanti...Bye!