Sunday, May 27, 2012

Lately, I have been reminiscing the old me.

I am very lucky, can you believe it?

I was quite a rebellious teen back then. I can't believe how my parents can put up with me. I thought, just because I have done well in my studies, I can do anything I want.

I started to go out and hang out at shopping malls when I was 14. Skipping classes and playing pranks on (or, bullying) my other 'friends'.

Then, at 15, my friends and I organized a huge party. There were so many uninvited older teens that we don't even know and it kinda got out of hand. It was fun and a little bit scary all at the same time. I remember holding a huge amount of cash to pay for the venue and calling companies to hire a professional Emcess...My friend's parents were the adults who went for a meeting with the manager of the club house to finalize the booking. Haha. They must be thinking we were having a nice end-of-school year party. So wrong!

At 16 and 17, I celebrated New Year and Independence Day with my friends and their older cousins. We arrived home at 4 am, and I always ended up spending the night at my friend's house.

At 17, I started gaining experience on the road. I drove everywhere! Sometimes, my friends and I would hang out till morning. Empty talks at the hip and happening spots, trying stuff or seeing my friends trying stuff we should not. Most of the time, Mother was very cool about it.

Thank God it never went further than that.

It's quite mind-boggling how my parents allowed me to behave like I did!

Probably, it's because, out of all my sibings, I was the one who kinda bend a bit from the rest. If all of my siblings were like me, I am sure my parents would go crazy!

Things could go very wrong. What if I became a drunk or a slut? What if I ended up partying too much? What if I never learned my lessons? (Gasp)

I am lucky. It's like, as if I am protected. I get things easy. I never really worked in anything.

Well, I thought I worked hard in going through my tough university years. But looking back, it was not THAT challenging, I exaggerated my struggles. Drama.

Because of this, I am constantly afraid that Karma will come and bite me in the ass. I've got it easy. I wonder what is out there waiting to crush me, for all the bad things I have done. Is it my future children? Is it my inabilty to reproduce? Is it a failed marriage? Is it a lonely future?

I will never know until I experience it. And it's scary.

You know, I would definitely spank my daughter and give her an earful of nags if I ever find out she's been naughty! Kurung dia! Masuk sekolah pondok! Confiscate everything! Now I realize, how patient my parents were in handling me. I was not easy.

For now, I am staying positive. I hope the regrets I have are enough to repent myself! Eeekk...!!!

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