Thursday, November 27, 2008

nanti.

Yesterday, I was pretty satisfied in my life. I read the gossip blog and it made me realize, I have a very high threshold of annoyance.

Orang cakap dia itu ini, tapi bila I baca, I rasa macam tak ada apa-apa pun...(except for maybe one or two) And if I was annoyed, I am rarely annoyed at that person, instead, I would be annoyed with one particular issue that he/ she raised in his/ her blog that I do not quite agree with. But the solution to that is simple. Time. Time heals everything. Soon, you would see me stalking the blogs again! Haha.

It is either that I don't get easily annoyed or maybe it is because I don't know them personally, so I have no say-lah!

So, that's why yesterday I was quite happy and glad I was born to feel this way.

Just now, I was doing my usual bloghopping and I came across my weakness. I stumbled upon three or four blogs by female writers. We are born in the same year, one or two are even younger than me but all of them share one thing in common which I really, really desire. Instantly, I felt sad (told you, it is a weakness!) because I still don't have that one thing I long for so much.

During moments like this, I feel like I should stop bloghopping in order to prevent myself from getting hurt by reading their wonderful life stories. I would obsess over their blogs, going through their archives to search for evidence that they too are not perfect.

(That's why I prefer to read ordinary blogs about their ups and downs. It makes them human, just like me. And they are real.)

No, I don't hate them, I more probably envy them, or maybe I am hating myself even more after I read their blogs, I thought, 'God, why can't you make me like them?'

After the sadness and denial, next came anger, which today I managed to control. Now, I am in the state of consoling myself, my life isn't that bad, so what am I whining about? I forgot quite a few people would love to be in my shoes as much as I want to be like them.

The difference between our generation and our mothers' is we are less patient. It is not entirely our fault. We live in an era where we could get anything, ANYTHING, at the tip of our fingers, right there and then. We could not wait, everything must be fast. Kalau boleh, umur 6 tahun pun dah nak sit for A-Levels. Tick tock tick tock, chup chup, hurry up!

I told my boyfriend about it and he said, "Tak lama lagi."

Today, I am slowly teaching myself that I have to wait. Tunggu. Nanti akan tiba. Slowly. Sabar.

Sometimes, I wonder when I would get to the 'acceptance' stage.

6 comments:

miss sha said...

ok let me guess...adakah those female bloggers sudah berkahwin and now expecting their first baby?

Miss aiza said...

i also having tat kind of feeling, and i need to control my emotional, jealous tu mmg ada, tapi buat tak tau je, lama kelama akan hilang. And btol ckp ur bf, "Tak lama lagi".

green apple said...

buat apa nak jadi cam orang lain beb?

cuba ko tgk, hari2 ada je komen entry2 ko kan? maknanya diorang enjoy masuk sini, and diorang seronok tgk life ko. ntah2 dorang pun ada keinginan nak jd macam ko.

tapi, siapakan bloggers itu, leh aku skodeng sama.

ectopy said...

miss sha: mana aci! mana boleh main guess guess! tapi what i can tell you is, yang part first tu dah betul, tapi bukan sebab diorang tengah expecting. kalau diorang tengah expecting, i am happy for them la...it's something else :)

miss aiza (banyaknye miss yang baca blog i, haha!): tu lah, lama-lama hilang. tunggu saja...

ectopy said...

green apple: amboi, kau ni memang sah dah jadi pakar motivasi/ counsellor, haha. toche!
ala, buat ape nak skodeng bloggers tu, kalau kau baca mesti takde perasaan punye, i je over sensitif...

mamasita said...

ectopy,My first time here.I feel the same way many times.Most of the bloggers have stories that make feel like a 'failure' at times.Such a good life!Then I tell myself,"hey,jangan lupa bersyukur k?" Tapi I still wallow in self-pity!Degil old lady!