Thursday, November 8, 2007

From time to time, I receive SMSes from a man in his forties. Because of our age difference and his appearance (he looks wise and decent), I trust him to be professional and platonic with our friend/ relationship (we are not exactly friends). I didn't hesitate to exchange phone numbers with him. I think of him as an acquiantance, a brother, or probably an uncle (?). Besides, he is single. I asked him why, but he never answers. I thought he was gay.

But lately, what bothers me is, the word 'sayang' he includes in the SMSes.

For example, last few days, he wished me Happy Aidilfitri, to which I replied: Baru sekarang bagi SMS raya? I prefer duit raya!
"Ala saje, ingat you," was his reply.
Okay, that was it. I didn't reply. What else should I say? There's nothing else to be said.
But he sent me another SMS, telling that he is having a headache. "Kalau you sentuh boleh cepat pulih".
"Me? As if I have magic hands. Go to sleep and you'll be fine," I replied. Platonic or not?
"Banyak rahsia sentuhan tau, nanti you belajar la...Bye sayang."

He is a good man, and wise, like I mentioned earlier. But I told him many times before that I have a boyfriend and I am seriously involved with him.

I am not cheating because my boyfriend knows about him and everytime I get his SMSes, I would tell my boyfriend. I rarely contact this guy, more like, once a month, and everytime, he is the one who initiates the contact.

Sometimes, it is flattering to know someone fancies you. But this guy gives me the shivers, not in a creepy kind of way, and my boyfriend does not know this.

I have the feeling he is the kind of guy who turns up at your parents' house, out of sudden merisik or masuk meminang.

So, maybe I am just being paranoid, but I don't know, I just have that feeling and other men don't give me this kind of feeling.

Why? Why? Why?

He doesn't harrass me with contant calls/ SMSes, he has never confessed his love towards me, just a few 'sayang' here and there. I know I shouldn't take it seriously because that could be his style communicating with women but why do I feel like this? Is this what we call, a woman's instinct?

He once mentioned he wanted me, he said he would wait for me, but I took it as a joke. Adakah saya seorang yang perasan?

I don't know.

Entahlah...Maybe because he is sort of alim-alim and you know la what alim people do...Suddenly without warning, "Ana mahu kahwin dengan ente (or is it anta? Whatever la, I don't know Arabic!)"

Tapi saya tak cukup alim, jadi jangan kahwin dengan saya!

He doesn't know where I live, so thank God.

Anyway, lately I have been so distant with God. For the past two years, it has been difficult for me to find the time to recite the Quran. After reading hansac's blog, I am determined to improve my relationship with God. Baca Quran berlagu-lagu...Solat tak boleh tinggal...
Tapi susah sangat nak pakai tudung.
Sometimes, when I am out and about wearing skirts, it is difficult for me to enter the surau to perform my solat. People always look. I feel like I am such a disgrace, dressing inappropriately in a surau.
I end up missing my solat.
I know I should give up wearing skirts or shorts, but...
Iman nipis...


coops said...

OMG, ur boyfriend is soo damn sporting :D no wonder u love him so much, babe. anyway, men are like that..emm..i am refering to that 40-plus guy. how can he be so alim when at the same time he been sayang2 you like that eh? when we layan, they think we 'like' them but if we dun, they say we are too cocky. life's mean.

the ectopy said...

My bf claims he is a very jealous man but his jealousy has never been ridiculous. He is patient and understanding, and I love him for that.