Selingan

I am being transferred to a new department and was not happy about it.

"I suck in department X! Why can't send me to department Y!" I complained to my husband.
"Tu lah you, you tak suka department X, Tuhan bagi you department X. Lain kali, jangan cakap tak suka," my dear husband spoke.
"Tapi, kenapa Tuhan bagi benda yang kita tak suka?" I said, whining like a little girl.

His answer was,"Sebab Dia tu Tuhan, itu kerja Tuhan. Tak boleh bagi semua yang manusia minta, sebab nanti porak perandalah hidup."

Besides, God knows what's best for His beloved slaves. Terima je lah dengan hati yang ikhlas.





I watched channel 114, a religious movie, about a girl being brought up in a conservative Muslim family, but grew up smart and trying to change the community ways of thinking.
She encourages girls to read.

She wanted to open a library but her brother burnt all her books. Slowly, she collected books again, and asked for her brother's permission to turn one of the rooms into a library once more time.

Her brother looked at her basket full of books. Then, the girl said to him, "Abang, kalau abang bakar sekali lagi buku-buku ni, saya ikhlas."





Most people like to be adored. I, on the other hand, adore my husband very much. I especially like the deep, mature conversations with him and the way he teaches me things I don't know.

One evening, he took my car out for wheel re-allignment. He came back and did some cleaning for my car. He also examined the engine. I asked him a lot of questions about the car, and he patiently feed me with answers.
It is one of the little things that would remind you how intelligent and amazing your husband is.

"Baguslah you ni, pandai jaga barang," I said to him when seeing him was so into taking care of my car. "Tapi tak pandai jaga orang!" I playfully mocked him. And so, he grabbed by the waist and hugged me, "Siapa kata I tak pandai jaga orang?"

(Blush)





My friend gave a lingerie as my wedding gift. She asked whether I had officially worn it. "I dah pakai dah, tapi it didn't stay long!" I told her along with giggles.

When I arrived home, I informed my husband about what my friend and I had talked a while ago.

That night, I was sexy in my lingerie.

Him: Jom SMS kawan you, beritahu dia yang you tengah pakai hadiah dia tu...
Me: Eh, mana boleh, malulah!
Him: Tak apa, dia open minded.
Me: Tak mahulah. Nanti dia imagine macam-macam!

Semangat pulak husband aku nak merwar-warkan aktiviti bilik tidur.

Men. Typical.

I hate the Internet, seeing all these happy faces and happy pictures and happy wedding photos and happy honeymoon destinations and happy couple activities.

How I wish...

Anyway, lets remind ourselves there are more important things in life, and sometimes, things are not what they seem to be.

The other day, I was telling a friend that I think people who know what they want in their life is cool.

For example, a few years ago, I was introduced to a handsome guy who is an accountant. I began to take interest in him (because he was so yummy) and my friend, who is his bestfriend, told me that initially he was supposed to do Medicine. He got into the course for a few months, didn't like it, and he went straight to his father saying he wanted to study Accountancy instead.

When I was 20, I didn't know what I want and I definitely couldn't simply change course or Father would kill me!

So, I admire his courage.

Sidetrack a bit:
After three years, I met him again at my friend's BBQ party, and he was all handsome and dashing, of course. He saw me and said my name, (OMG, he remembers my name!) and my friend said he's now available, whee! But, I am already married, bummer!

Talking about all this perfect men, they aren't really perfect, you see. My friend told me that his major weakness is his temper, but he's toned down a lot.

In marriage, I think it is very important to be with someone who can tolerate you and vice versa.

I had a huge fight with my husband and we made up.
I asked my husband what did he do when we were not in talking terms. He hung out with his bestfriend.

"Dia (my husband's bestfriend) cerita dekat I yang hari tu, dia gaduh dengan isteri dia jugak. Dia marah sangat, sampai pecah cermin kereta dia..." my husband told me.

Huh?

Okay, nak gaduh-gaduh pun, tak payah lah get physical...

I wrote before how I used to have a little crush on my husband's bestfriend. But I get really turned off by his temper. Even though I never actually witnessed it, but I can imagine.

In my marriage, I am the one who has the temper. I think that is okay, because I am a woman. Marah-marah pun, tak adalah sampai berkorban harta benda mahupun nyawa...Because I am a weak creature, I don't have the strength to ruin anything. So, my temper is managable.

However, if a man gets angry, he could do so many dangerous and crazy things! Takut okay...

Eh, jauhnya I dah menyimpang cerita.

Okay, back to the topic: People who know what they want in their life and actually do something to get it, especially when they are smart, are cool!

Yeah, so I was telling this friend of mine that I have a police officer friend.

My friend has something against the police. He's been violated by the criminals for so many times that he has lost faith in the forces to actually contain the situation. Many times, he didn't even bother to report the cases because he believes that it wouldn't make a difference.

So, base on his background, my friend was not impressed that I have a friend who's working as a cop.

"Why did he become a police officer?" my friend asked.

I told him that since school, he already made it public that he wanted to become one.

"But why? They don't do anything!" my friend said, coincidentally, we were passing a group of policemen who did nothing.

I don't like it when people look down to other people, especially when they are supposed to be doing a noble job. So, I told my friend that my police friend is actually a smart guy. He was quite a good student when we were in school, a Science stream student and managed to get 6As. (SPM zaman dulu lebih berkualiti dari sekarang) He studied Forensics, instead of the boring, typical Medicine, then, he joined PDRM. I think there's a good prospect by doing that. That is a smart move, don't you think?

My friend replied, "Eh, orang pandai tak sepatutnya jadi polis lah!"

Wah, such stereotype!

So, kudos to all the people out there who do what they want without giving a damn of what people think!

You think police are stupid? You can't say that because they are smart policemen out there, you better watch out!

And I am proud of www.sweatlee.com who is actively involved in Teach for Malaysia. Someone who is extremely smart, but dedicated her life to come back to Malaysia to become a teacher.

We all have this mentality, "Ala, dia tu bukan pandai sangat pun, jadi cikgu je..."

But you see, now, there is actually a few smart teachers out there! A teacher that students can and should admire and make an example of. (Standing ovation)

Not that I don't respect teachers, but teachers during my days and teachers now are quite different, I think.
Okay, I blame my experience. I know someone from school who is a pathological liar and steals a lot of things but she is now a teacher!
I so hate her.

Likewise, doctors are not always smart too!
Because, my husband told me about his friend, who has a brother, who studied Medicine, but he got only 2As for SPM! WTF! You got money? You can send your kids to study anywhere as long as he can be a doctor!

First of all, SPM is not that difficult to score.

On the other hand, we can't always depend on a stupid certificate to be recognized of our mental capabilities.

But I support the government move to control the overflowing of unreliable doctors in Malaysia.

I had a deep conversation with my husband.

It's saddening that all the good ones left but those we come back, they actually suck.

So, I give you a pat on your back to those who come back to serve our country. I give you a pat on your back to those who are abroad and planning not to stay there forever.

No pat on your back if you plan to run away...

Malaysia, we need a smart leader.

(to be continued)

My husband is ill and he dozed off without saying goodnight or kissing me goodnight. I am so pissed off. Being sick is not an excuse to forget your wife who desires some affection.

And, he even lost my Touch N Go card worth RM88!

Gah...

Happy thoughts ahead!

1)

This happened before I got married when the whole department knew that the date was near.

Basically, I was working and minding my own business when I walked past a colleague.

Suddenly, she said, "You look so slim, I want your body!"

A comment from someone whom I barely knew because she just joined the department!

Awkward, weird but I was flattered.

2)

I always park my car at this parking lot, so everyday, I meet the same group of security guards.

One particular pak guard is someone who speaks English very well and he always greets and smiles at you.

Him: Finished working?
Me: Yeah...
Him: You know, Miss, you are a good driver.
Me: No lah...
Him: Really. I've seen you drive before. You are a good driver.
Me: Well, thank you.

I think it's the woman-doing-reverse-parking thing that leads to that compliment. I do it oh-so effortlessly everyday. Haha.

3)

A year ago, I remember one client who thinks I was pretty.

Fast-forward, our paths crossed again. Obviously, he forgot about me but I still remember him (because compliments regarding my looks are so rare that they are precious, you see, must not forget, for the sake of self-esteem).

The good thing is, he still thinks I am pretty (even though he is totally oblivious that he said that to me one year ago) and this time around, he tried to hook up with me a few times. He asked me out for a movie lah and he took note when I'd be working so he can pay me a visit.

Four days before my wedding, I lost RM4000 to the stupid cash deposit machine that swallowed my money! Sabar je lah time tu, dugaan orang nak kahwin.

I was frantic and tried calling the bank to sort out the matter. And guess who was there coincidentally? Him. Luckily he saw me that I was in no mood to be polite and he left.

I took a relatively long leave for my wedding and then, came back to work.

On one morning, I saw him.

Me: Buat apa dekat sini? Salah tempatlah...Awak patut pergi sana...
Him: Tapi I nak jumpa you.
Me: Tak boleh, tak boleh! I dah kahwin.
Him: Dah kahwin ke?
Me: Ye, I dah kahwin! (Waves my inai stained fingers to him)

And that was the last I saw him.

Even though he is not the lelaki pujaan Malaya punya type, but to have someone who fancies you memanglah is a nice feeling.

I'm using this story for my husband and tambah garam dan gula sikit-sikit so he will think his wife is still hot on the market. Haha. My husband doesn't have to know this is guy is obese and mentally retarded!

4)

A few months before my wedding, I went out with my long time friend and his brother.

Then, there was a time when my friend left the table. His brother and I began talking about relationships. Soon, I told him that I had found the perfect guy and we were getting married.

Him: Bila nak kahwin?
Me: Bulan Jun.
Him: Cepatnya! My brother tak beritahu pun!
Me: Ala, sebenarnya dah risik lama dah, tapi asyik tangguh-tangguh je...
Him: Eh, you nak kahwin dengan siapa ni?
Me: Dengan my boyfriend lah!
Him: ... (Blank look)
Me: Who works as bla bla bla and lives at bla bla bla...? (Raised eyebrows)
Him: Bukan you couple dengan my brother ke?
Me: ??? (Confused)

Since when!
It was so awkward that I became speechless, I had no idea how to respond to his assumption. Ye lah, takkan I nak flip out tak tentu pasal, this is my good friend we are talking about.

I guess, my friend's brother saw how shocked I was. He did not demand for an explanation, so we both let go of the topic.

My friend doesn't know a thing, of course.

As I am typing this, macam funny lah pulak. Haha. So, all this while, his brother thought I was his girlfriend ke...

(FYI, my friend WAS already in a relationship, until he broke up with that girl a week after my wedding. The girl dumped him but he told me he wasn't so sad, so yeay, less job for me as a friend to cheer him up!)

Okay, dah habis dah cerita.

My husband is still asleep and he doesn't even realize I am not by his side. I know him so well, tomorrow he will say that it's the effect from his medicines.

Benci lahhhhh...!!!

My husband tends to be very busy lately, hence neglecting his poor wife. This is certainly not good because I would make a fuss about it.

Yelah, kan baru kahwin, takde honeymoon pulak tu, at least pay a little bit more attention to me.

I kan his newly wedded wife, I should be his priority!

Kesian my husband.
Everytime I mention this, he would terasa hati because to him, he is not being able to give a decent honeymoon. He would say, "Tak apa, sayang. Nanti I bawa you pergi Europe. Taknaklah honeymoon dekat-dekat." I know he is trying to compensate by saying nice things I want to hear, but at the same time, I do not want to overexpect from him.

"Sayang, janganlah marah. Abang tengah nak cari duit ni. Nanti kita pergi travel sama-sama and shopping, okay," he would explain himself.

One day, I watched Tanyalah Ustazah, aired on TV9. The ustazah said, a man who is working hard to provide for his family, is considered an ibadat in God's eyes. So, do let your hearts open and allow our husbands to work.

Tak kesahlah if my husband can't give me much at this moment, as long as he is not straying around, I am good.

When I was 18 years old, there was a moment in my class which my lecturer mentioned, "If you observe a Japanese woman, she will worry if her husband comes home early. She will think that her husband is not good enough, is he being laid off, is he not responsible enough that he is not given big projects to handle? Compared to Malaysian women, who would think that their husbands are clubbing with their mistresses if they come home late."

The ustazah also touched on several other issues.

She said, if we always buy things using credit cards and we ended up always paying the credit card company late, which leads to accumulation of interests, it really does mean that we could not afford to buy the things we buy, or else we wouldn't be in debt.
So, it's better to stop shopping and cancel the credit card and becoming debt-free.

Makes sense, eh?

Also, she talked about the importance of giving out donations. Sometimes, we donated our old clothes and make it an excuse to buy more clothes to fill up the wardrobe. Niat dah salah and membazir amalan syaitan.

She reminded that there is one group that we often forget who deserve our donations. Single men and women who want to be married but is not permitted financially.

The funny thing is, my brother-in-law wants to get married. I, being the only reasonable person in my husband's family, do not agree with the idea because he doesn't have enough savings yet. To me, you must being able to be financially independent before you want to take care of somebody else's daughter!
I was very adamant about this matter. I wanted them to be like me, paying for my own wedding. I didn't want them to make a loan, neither did I let my husband to financially aid his brother.
But after listening to the ustazah, I changed my mind. Maybe it is not so bad to help couples to build mosques. Mengelak maksiat kan.

(Sigh)

Ustazah, why are you nice and wise that I actually listen to your preach!

You've heard it, and I hereby to confirm it: You won't get to know a man until you marry him!

I was culture shocked when I actually tried to live in my husband's hometown. Although I frequented the town before we got married, but it felt different and I was still surprised.

During his humble reception, if I were an outsider, I would have laughed and sworn on my life not to ever do his dorky colour combinations. Erk.

He had one yellow canopy, red table cloth, we wore purple and our room was blue. His parents did not even wear proper baju Melayu and baju kurung. I can bleed from my eyes, seriously.

The first few minutes, I kept recalling on how I ended up with this man. In the meantime, I kept glancing to my family members, hoping that they expected this. Obviously, I did not.

--------

Rewind.

On the journey to his hometown, I finally told Mother, as a warning, "Rumah dia tu kampung tau."

Mother probably knew what was coming, "Asalkan tak payah naik bot...Saudara Ma hari tu, nak pergi rumah menantu dia kena naik bot. Terkejut semua orang."

That was a relief.

--------

After the ceremony, I was invited to his relatives' homes.

For the first time ever in my life, I sat on the floor, eating dinner kampung style!

To me, the act of sitting on the floor to eat is only during kenduri arwah and breaking fast in the mosques.

Of course it was awkward. My kain had slit and I can't move my legs as I like when they fell asleep. So I lied, "Kain ni ketat sangat."

Later on, I was brought to his biological mother's which entire house is smaller than my room.

So, is this what my husband meant when he told me the reason he was being secretive about his family? Ashamed? Inferiored?

--------

I thought about Father and related to him.

Compared to Mother, Father's family was not very well-off too. Mother married him anyway. I don't know the details, but I know they had their difficulties earlier on.

Why, then, was he so against my husband and I when things are so similiar between us?

Father's principle was simple. Each generation should improve, we should be better than our parents. He proved to be a great role model, I salute him for that.

He married a woman who had a better life than his, so perhaps, that's why I should marry a man who could provide more for me.

--------

My short life in my husband's hometown was not very exciting. I was treated like a princess most of the time.

Being bored is not good because you start to have ridiculous thoughts like, "Even my grandparents don't live like this," or "I am so scared to raise my children in this environment because I don't want them to become like them."

Seeing I had time to be filled in, my husband remembered a book I always wanted to read, written by Tun Dr. Mahathir, 'A Doctor In The House'. He bought it when it first came out and the book has inspired him.

I only read until page 66, I think, but boy, it does make an impact!

You know, even though we live in kampung houses, we can indeed be successful as long as we have the right mentality and the emphasis on education. It really doesn't matter.

Thank you for throwing away my bad thoughts.

--------

Here's the rationale.

You just have to be redha with your jodoh.

You just have to have strong faith that he is the best for you, the most suitable for you.

My husband is best and most suitable for me because he keeps me grounded. He opens my eyes to a world that I'd never imagine could have been mine.

Just remember, if you want a good partner, you yourself must be good to match him/ her.

Always, always feel blessed with what you have.

Written on 24 June 2011.

They say, the first couple fight, is the worst among all.

Right this moment, I am on a strike with my husband.
Benci betul.

So, as to remind how much a wonderful man he is, I reminiscence his wise words.

1)
My neighbour is currently renovating his house. His house is brand new and very beautiful. At first, I thought he only wanted to tweak a bit here and there for the house. I was wrong. Tengok-tengok, it is a major revamp, which is still undergoing.

Me: Abang, rumah dia dah cantik dah. Tapi apa lagi dia nak renovate?

Husband: Itulah pasal...Dia tak puas hati lagi lah kot...You tau tak apa orang cakap kalau kita selalu tak puas hati?

Me: Apa dia?

Husband: Duit yang kita guna tu tak berkat...

He elaborated that a berkat rezeki should always makes us feel contented.

"Kalau duit tu tak berkat, kalau orang tu kaya pun, orang tu jadi suka membazir sebab selalu tak puas hati. Last-last, sebab dah banyak membazir, orang tu punya duit sama juga," he said.

He furthermore gave an example, "You tengok pelacur. Memang banyak duit. Satu malam dapat berapa? Tapi diorang tak kaya pun..."

So, think twice before you say, "I am not satisfied!"

2)
"Yang, kita kahwin juga akhirnya. Kita ni banyak betul dugaan. Kita kena kahwin betul-betul yang, sampai mati I sayang. Sebab susah sangat nak dapat awak."

:)

3)
Dah, jangan nak perasan suami kau seorang bagus sayang isteri. Memanglah suami sayang isteri! (Padahal sekarang tengah cold war)

Have you read July issue of the Reader's Digest?

On page 8, there's a letter from a reader telling her story being left by her husband only after two years of marriage.

God forbid that ever happens to me.

I can imagine the woman's joy when she got married. After two years, they are all just sad memories.

If I were in her shoes, I don't know, I'd probably kill my husband. I'd hate him forever. I'd stop blogging. I'd run away and live in another country. I don't know.

4)
On my wedding day, a close friend gave a nice gift together with a card. In it, written something "Bla, bla, bla. You're and inspiration to me that despite all the hardship, TRUE LOVE will prevail!"

Alamak, pressure lah pulak!

5)
My husband left me for work. I was trying to be tough but he saw the sadness.

I knew he felt guilty for not being able to spend more time with me.

He hugged me and said, "Abang pergi bukan tinggalkan you. Abang pergi sebab nak kerja, nak cari rezeki, nak jaga awak baik-baik. Nanti kita dah kaya, Abang bagi semua yang you nak, okay?"

Ish. Sebak lah time tu.

I know he's so hardworking and trying his best to make me happy. But I keep on demanding for more.

Okay, better apologize to him now.

My friend who is currently abroad, gave me a 'holla' just now, to say sorry for missing the wedding.

The usual question would be, "How's life after marriage?"

Honestly and truthfully, I said, "I don't feel much different."

Seriously. I don't feel different. I am not happier or sadder than before. I am pretty much the same person doing the same routine. You know, the usual.

Is there something wrong with me? Is this unnatural and abnormal for a newly-wed?

The only difference, which I also told to Brad P, is, "Sekarang dia makan, dia minta I ambil. Dulu sebelum kahwin, pandai ambil sendiri. Sekarang, tiba-tiba tak pandai dah..." They responded by laughing and giving the exact same reply, "Dia saja nak manja-manja tu."

"Ectopy, you ni kan, sempoi gila!" my friend said.

I was very laid back about my wedding, that my colleague told me two weeks before the event, "Ectopy, you are the coolest bride I have ever seen."
This is after she asked me whether I was nervous or excited about the wedding. I said, "Nope. I am okay. Not nervous and not very excited. I am just worried if there will be people attending my wedding."

Orang lain tak macam ni ke weih!

I am so sempoi, I have yet to pester my photographers for pictures. Tak excited pun nak tengok gambar.
Sebenarnya, more to fear of muka tak lawa masa wedding tu. Tu pasal tak excited.

(Prays to God for pretty photos)

I received two surprises post wedding.

During the short merenjis ceremony, there was this stranger woman who blessed us. My husband introduced her as "Kakak I".

After she was out of audible range, right there and then jugak, atas pelamin, while maintaining my smile, I asked him, "Sejak bila you ada kakak ni!"

Silence.

I kan memang jenis otak geliga, I can't settle until I get what I want, "Siapa tu? Cepat bagitahu!"
"Tunggu lepas ni lah I cerita. Orang tengah merenjis ni. Senyum!"

That night, I asked him again. He told me she was his kakak angkat. Kakak angkat?!

Mesti tipu lagi. I dah cakap dah I am not stupid.

Nak jadi isteri mithali punya pasal, I waited until the next day.

This time, we were in the car on the way to a friend's party.

I was membebel about something else which led to this whole kakak angkat thing.

Husband: Itu pun you nak jealous ke? Dia kakak I, dia dah kahwin dah pun, dah ada anak.

Me: You ingat I jealous ke dengan perempuan tua tu? Please lah. I bukan bodoh lah nak jealous-jealous dengan orang tak lawa. Kalau you nak scandal dengan dia pun, tak kuasa I nak jealous.

Husband: Habis tu, apa masalah you?

Me: Masalah I is you rahsiakan benda ni dari I! Kenapa? Kalau tak salah, tak payah berahsia, kan? I tak jealous, tapi I dah ada syak wasangka. I tak nak ada rasa syak wasangka pada suami I sendiri!

Husband: You nak tau perkara sebenar?

Me: You dah kahwin ke sebelum ni?

Husband: Dia memang kakak I!

Me: Macam mana? Bapa you ada dua isteri? I dah agak dah family you ni!

Husband: Bukan. I ni anak angkat. Mak betul I serahkan I pada Ma. Ma tak ada anak, jadi masa Mak betul I mengandungkan I, dia janji akan bagi I pada Ma. Ma yang bela I sejak dari kecik, tapi I bukan anak dia. Kakak I tu, memang kakak kandung I.

Me: Kenapa you tak beritahu I sebelum ni?

Husband: I nak bagitahu lepas kahwin.

Me: Kenapa!

Husband: Sebab I malu!

Me: Apasal nak malu pula? Auntie I pun dibela saudara juga!

Husband: Family you memang asal orang kaya. I ni orang susah. Mak kandung I tinggal kampung. Kerja dia sembahyang je. Kakak I tu kerja dia bela ayam. Kalau I ni tak diserahkan pada Ma dulu, I takkan ada peluang sambung belajar. I tak tahu apa jadi dengan I sekarang.

Me: Habis, kenapa you tak jemput parents betul you datang?

Husband: Ayah kandung I dah meninggal sebelum I kenal you lagi. Mak kandung I tu dah tua, tak boleh jalan jauh. Nanti I kenalkan you dengan diorang.

Drama!

So, after this, I have to go to his hometown and start to get to know his actual family members.

And I thought I married a straightforward no hassle guy.

"Lepas ni, no more secrets. I am educated, I am a straight-As student, I am not stupid. I tak nak jadi isteri-isteri yang tak tahu apa-apa pasal suami dia. I nak being able to explain what my husband does. You kena beritahu semua pada I sebab I sekarang isteri you!"

"Okay," my husband took a deep breath. "Sebenarnya, kitorang rugi RM500k hari tu. Kerja-kerja I selama ni, separuh kena bagi dekat kawan I sebab I kena tolong dia juga, sebab tu sekarang ni I tak ada duit."

Pengsan.










My husband, and some of my friends, always think my family is rich.

Okay, I have been dying to explain this to people (but I can't, because it's weird lah nak explain pasal family wealth tiba-tiba je) so I'll just say it here.

I am not rich. My parents were not rich. We started our life very modest. We climbed our way up because Father was a stingy man. Eh, no, the better words to use to describe him are he was always careful with money.

Father passed away after he came back from Hajj. Coincidentally, he already prepared his will before taking off. His properties, were divided equally among us, the children. He even left a fortune (I never knew he had) in the form of saham, for his grandchildren and future grandchildren- in case they don't get the privilege to further their studies with scholarships.

Father was very particular with his money, that it may only be used for beneficial purposes. He always dreamt big for us, so, most of the money spent was mostly to get the best education.

(Sidetrack a bit: I pun sebenarnya takut dapat anak kurang bijak.)

Even if my parents were rich, we, the children, rarely get to taste the luxury of it.

We were not aware of it and we were not raised as rich children.

Take me, for example.

As I was growing up, my pocket money is cukup-cukup je. Starting off with 30 cents in primary school, slowly becoming RM2 in secondary school.

My teenage escapades to the shopping malls, depended on the mercy of Mother to give me extra money to spend. Most of the time, I spent my duit raya/ scholarship money.

All of my siblings (except one) had full scholarships.

I used to wear second-hand clothes all the time. Mother shopped in Tesco for my raya clothes. Mother hand-sew my school uniforms until I was 11, then her eye-sight deteriorated.
One time, I kept recycling my clothes, my friend asked me to stop because my pants were too tight for me.

Whenever I am out with my friends, I limited myself for RM40 for shoes and tops. This habit stayed on until two years ago, I required supports from Brad P and my husband, that I could actually spend more without feeling guilty.

See? I had a tough childhood even though deep down, I knew my parents could afford way more than that. But somehow, none of my siblings have ever asked for more. We were actually comfortable with what we had.

My sister is so rich (relatively, from the multiple scholarships she earned) but she still lives in her rented house without a proper bed (only a mattress), no cupboard, and she still reads using low lights (because we should not waste the electricity). Her salary is almost equal to mine, and she only started to work for less than a year ago. But with her qualification and academic excellence, I tak jealous sangat pun. Memang patutlah. In fact, I am proud of her.

Even though I may not look the part as if I come from a wealthy family, people tend to presume my family financial status whenever they come over to my house.

Before my wedding, I jokingly asked my colleagues to buy me nice gifts. One of them said, "Eh, what do you want? No need lah. You already have everything!"

Recently, a colleague who did not attend the wedding reception, looked through my picture album and said, "Is this your house? Is this your house?"

Eh, tak percaya pulak?

How do one respond to that kind of question! I pretended like I didn't hear her question to brush it off. -_-

My friends from school pulak, lain cerita. They are the children who memang come from wealthy families. Mega super rich families, the kind who get scoldings if they ever try to ride a cab or the LRTs without supervision.

Them: Ectopy, I really like your dress! You design ke? You tempah dekat mana? Mahal tak?
Me: Ni baju sewa je lah...
Them: Really? Then, how come it fits you so well!
Me: They took my measurements and alter it for me.
Them: Oh. They can do that?

That night, before going to bed, my husband snickered for the fact that my friends didn't even know about the existance of wedding dresses for rent.

"Abang ni, tak baiklah. Diorang baik tau..." I defended my friends.

But my friends are really nice, humble people. Sometimes, they are just oblivious without realizing it. And they love me anyway.










I always dreamt of a special wedding. Like, I dreamt that the very first time I get to go to Italy is for my honeymoon. I dreamt that the very first time I ever wear expensive, customized clothes is for my wedding. I dreamt that the very first time I ever go to manicure/ pedicure/ facial treatment is before my wedding.

I never get to do all that.

Sometimes, I got all bratty and told my then-boyfriend-now-husband, "I bukannya miskin sangat sampai baju kahwin pun sewa!" and pouted. "See, my friends tempah baju dekat so and so, pergi honeymoon at so and so, photographer dia so and so, buat wedding dekat so and so, hantaran dia so and so..."

It always broke his heart whenever I said that.

Sorry.

Budget contemporary wedding

- no engagement ceremony
- no honeymoon
- no malam berinai
- 2 photographers for RM3k, plus extra photographer for RM500
- no pre wedding photoshoot
- nikah and sanding on the same day
- no hiasan bilik
- small number of invites
- rented two baju for RM500
- no spa, no facial
- no expensive, sexy lingerie (requested a friend to buy as a wedding gift)

Total damage is about RM30k still!

I spent a little bit more hantaran (insisted by then-boyfriend-now-husband):
1) watch 5k
2) shoes 2.5k
3) jeans and shirt 2k
4) cake a gift from a relative
5) sirih junjung DIY
6) sejadah bought in Mekah
7) perfume RM300

However, we only ordered for 5 trays of hantaran and charged with RM550, with wooden trays included, not rented.

Miscellaneous:

3 star hotel stay for his rombongan RM500
extra cake RM330 (did not expect a free one from the family)
kuih muih after nikah FOC by caterer
a pair of wedding shoes RM70 plus DIY
duvet cover for the bilik pengantin with new pillows (must ask Mother)
extra fruit cake, wajik, jeli kelapa, karipap (must ask Mother)
PA system and a non-talkative DJ (I like!) RM400
catering RM12 x 600 for 12 menus (including drinks) = RM7200
pecal RM100
tents RM350 x 5 with tables and chairs (we all hate the shade of colour used though, ugly!) = RM1750
pelamin, make-up x 2 (MAC and Estee Lauder), inai, baju and accessories RM5000-6000 (to be confirmed)
kompang RM250
upah tok kadi and saksi RM500
wedding favours (various types) RM1500
cards RM1 x 300 = RM300

My husband's side is more cost efficient because no pelamin and kampung style.

I paid for all, Alhamdulillah, except for the kompang team, sponsored by Brother Number 2.
I gave a lump sum to Mother so she can pay whatever things she choose.

That is my budget wedding and I am mostly satisfied. Ada juga yang tak puas, tapi kebanyakannya syukur.

SOMETIMES.

Sometimes, I get readers complained that I have changed. Some said they no longer like what I write. I know that I am so bad in replying comments, I really want to, but time does not permit sometimes. Some other times, I do not know what to say back. I don't like being defensive because probably, all the comments that were directed to me are true.

I am aware that I don't have many readers. It's not what I intend to achieve. Probably that is why I don't mind if there are people who hate me. You stumbled upon this blog and you read about me, this is me, the person you don't know how she looks like, where she lives, what she works as, you don't know. What you know is only I have my ups and downs, I have my regrets, I make mistakes, I whine and can be grateful all at the same time.

I also realize, sometimes, that I have become angrier or more impatient or more competitive. I see all the others have that I want, that sometimes, I forget to appreciate what I already have. I always want the best.

Sometimes, I think, there is nothing wrong of wanting the best for myself. Oftentimes too, I think, there's nothing wrong of having less than the best, as long as they serve their purposes.

I admit that I might have changed. I grow.






ICE CREAMS.

Whenever my boyfriend came over to my house, he will hug and kiss whichever kid there is at that time. The typical question that he would ask any of them is, "Nak ice cream?"

So, naturally, like the Pavlov dogs, the sight of his figure will make them all excited because they know, my boyfriend means ice creams!

One day, the kids were causing me a headache, shouting and jumping around, so I scolded them, "Don't scream!"

They stopped screaming alright. But with big twinkling eyes, one of the kids asked me innocently, "Ice cream?"

"No! I said, Don't scream!"

"Yeay! Ice cream, ice cream!" she started screaming and soon, the screaming became infectious and all the kids shouted and demanded for ice creams!

My boyfriend created the monsters.







INSECURE.

Last but not least, it's the wedding season. So many of my friends got married. And boy, they wore the prettiest gowns, prettiest make ups, prettiest shoes, prettiest receptions, prettiest pelamins, prettiest photos...

I feel so small. (Shy)