The sparks I thought the surgeon and I had, were shortlived.

Nampak sangat I didn't really fall for him.

"Come. Lets have a Q&A. I am not happy, your work is slacking."

I got so offended by his statement despite just the day before,

Me: Why do you like to imitate me?
Surgeon: Because I think you are cute.
Me: Am I? Awww...I am cute!
Surgeon: You are cute. You are cute like a kanak-kanak.

I hate him now.

Cute + Slacking = I am officially a bimbo, thank you.

I was surprised when my boss asked my colleague, Johny,

Boss: You ni...Ectopy dah bertunang pun, masih nak kacau lagi...
Johny: Mana ada saya kacau...Saya jaga dia...
Me: I am not engaged yet! Who says I am engaged!
Boss: Masih tak mengaku dah bertunang...
Me: No, really. I am not engaged! I am booked, but not engaged yet.
Johny: It's the same!
Me: It's not the same. I should be given another ring if I am engaged. Mana boleh senang-senang nak bertunang kalau takde cincin!

The point here is: If boss knows I am engaged/ committed, surgeon would have known too because they are good friends, and guys talk!

This explains surgeon's cold beaviours.

This is all Johny's big mouth's fault!

Talk about my boss, the other day, he innocently and loudly ask Johny and I a question,

"So, how was Team A?"

I didn't get it until Johny looked him in the eyes, "It's The A-Team, boss, The A-Team, not Team A."

LOL!

kenapa possesive?

It took me long, after years of living, to realize that I probably am possessive over my friends.

Do you remember my latest acquired male best friend, lets name him Kasim this time around?

Without actually realizing it, it has been almost a year since the first day I met him. Sometimes, we still joke how came to my house for Hari Raya, and got a shock when he found out my 'brother' was actually my boyfriend.

Well, we are becoming closer and closer, and somehow, he is also well-accepted by my little group of friends (I think by now, he has known each and every one of them with bits of their history which I provide from time to time to facilitate him to know who's who).

Little did I know that I would be bothered when his bond with my friend, Rokiah, blossomed.

I know I sound childish, I keep brushing off the uneasy feeling, but I couldn't help but feel- disapproving their relationship.

Which then led to the questions:
1) Am I in love with him?
2) Is this what we call jealousy?
3) Why the hell would I be jealous?!

I remember when a close friend of mine asked me, "If you haven't met your boyfriend, would you go for him?"
My answer was, "No. Because he is just a friend. Like a fun brother. He reminds me of Rashid."
Rashid is my other close, long-time male friend who lives far, far away that I seldom get to see him, but when we do, we do lots of fun things together and we would talk and talk non-stop. For the matter of fact, I am due to see him in a month or two, and we can't wait to have our yearly vacation! (Oh, he is so not gay, in case you are wondering)

Because of this mix feeling I am having, I had to talk about it to someone. So, I chose someone outside from the group, Lizzie. Lizzie, Kasim and I do spend a lot of time together. All the three of us have known each other at about the same time and then, we hit it off nicely (although not, initially-- long story).

Me: Do you think I am childish?
Lizzie: Are they going out?
Me: No. But I don't know why I am feeling like this! Because Kasim is my friend first. Why can't Rokiah find her own friend? And Rokiah should consult to me, if anything, not to Kasim! And how come they are going out together when I am working? I know Rokiah. She never visits me. But when suddenly Kasim suggested to bring her to see me, she jumped into the opportunity, even though she is working tomorrow! It's nice for them to visit me, she said she came by because she missed me, but I think, Rokiah did that just so she could spend more time with Kasim! Am I bad for thinking this way? I shouldn't think like this. Both of them are my good friends! And it is so nice of them to visit me and bring me food. Why do I feel like this? I don't like this feeling. It's not that I like Kasim, I mean, I have my own boyfriend, but they just can't!

Lizzie listened attentively. I thought she would have laughed, but she didn't.

Lizzie: I understand. I used to feel like this as well. And you know what I did, I am now not close to neither one of them.
Me: Oh. But I don't want to lose any of them. Am I a bad friend? I don't know why I feel like this, all I know is, I don't like them to be too close! I want Rokiah to find her own friends, and I want Kasim to find a girlfriend on his own.

I got so moody that day.

Over time, I found out that they have been regularly texting each other. As usual, I tried to ignore the feeling. But why? I introduced Rokiah to Rashid too, but Rokiah hasn't been texting him much. And why is it always me who brings new people into our group. Why can't she contibute and stick to her friends instead?

I mean, I don't mind my friends being friends with my other friends, but I should always be the priority. I should always be the closest friend, the first one to be updated if anything, because I know them first! They couldn't and shouldn't skip my role as the person who brought everybody together!

Kasim: Rokiah ajak keluar.

(Aha! Caught again! Why is Rokiah asking us out, by texting him, but not me!)

Me: Bila?
Kasim: Bila-bila lah yang kita free.

(Silence)

(Trying to ignore the feeling)

(Can't help myself but exploded)

Me: Do you like her?!
Kasim: What! Nooo...Why? Did she ask you to ask me this?!
Me: Nooo...Saja tanya...
Kasim: Why? What made you ask that question?
Me: Takdelah...Saje tanya...
Kasim: Do I look like I'm showing interest in her?
Me: Yes...
Kasim: Nooo...

His answers calmed me down a bit. I felt relieved, but only for a while, because- he could be hiding his true feelings.

Ahhh...Friends.

Nearing my big three-O and I still have friend issues.
(Sigh)

None of my readers corrected me! (You guys are not really football fans too, huh?)

Continuation from my last post:

The next day, I told my boyfriend, and he was like, "But Italy did not win!" It was a draw match!

Oh, my God. Now I am so ashamed because he paid for the food even though the bet was- If Italy won.

Why did the surgeon played along with me?

So, anyway, if time is permissible, I will treat him lunch tomorrow. Because I don't want to owe him anything.





At work, my staffs were talking bad about their boss, who is my colleague.
According to them, she is bossy and likes to order them around (ironic, how can a boss be not bossy?), they even give her a nickname.

I just smiled. Fariz, another colleague of mine came to our desk, and he overheard the conversation. Being the typical nice guy, he didn't want to take side, like me, however, he was vocally implying it.

"Saya tak kisah dengan dia sebab walaupun dia agak mengarah, tapi dia buat kerja dia..." he said.

I said, "Oh, korang ni, bila dia takde, mulalah nak sebut-sebut nama dia. Rindu ke?"

One of the staffs responded, "Tak rindu langsung! Tapi kan, kalau kita suka dekat seseorang, kita akan puji-puji dia. Kitorang tak kesah, nak kutuk depan-depan, nak puji pun depan-depan."

My boss, who was around, interrupted, "Tapi patutnya, kalau nak puji kena belakang-belakang, sebab setiap pujian itu adalah satu langkah ke neraka. Nak kutuk tak boleh belakang-belakang. Sebab nanti jadi mengumpat."

Not many people know that. That's why, I don't mind if I don't receive compliments.

Then, I attended a client with Fariz. The client was an elderly lady who didn't converse well in our national language, so her husband did most of the talking. I felt it was better if Fariz and the husband talked while I listened and jotted down notes.

As usual, sometimes during an interview, there would be silence as Fariz and I need some moments to think over the information that has been extracted from them.

This uncle, upon seeing me quiet, asked Fariz, although I was at present at that time, my racial root and commented, "Banyak cantik."

Damn it, mesti aku nampak macam bimbo lagi. All the, 'Don't just sit there and look pretty' comments haunted me back.

20 minutes later, I was back to my desk, my staff sat next to me, "Boss, boss ni cantik tau sebenarnya. Pakailah mekap...Nanti saya bawa pergi saloon, nak?"

Nooo...! Not the rebonding advice again!

"Ala, nak buat macam mana. Kerja busy. Tak sempatlah...Tidur pun tak cukup..." I smiled politely.

"Nanti clients pengsan tengok boss," they laughed.

"Ala, diorang banyak perempuan. Bukannya nak mengorat diorang pun..."

"Takpe, takpe, nanti saya bagi lipstick dekat boss."

"Yeay! Bestnye nanti dapat hadiah...Thank you!" I didn't mean to be sarcastic. I do enjoy free gifts, because the best things in life are free.

Seriously.

I have decided that: I don't care whether Malaysian women think that I can be prettier. As long as 70 year-old uncles with visual impairment can appreciate my beauty, I am happy.

Oh, and thanks uncle for bringing me one step closer to hell.





My friend is going out with a divorcee with two children. I don't mind. To me, as long as he is single and available, it is okay, I don't care about his status. Over the years, I have taught myself that some things in this world are not perfect and I am not here to be judgmental.

The eldest child is 6 years old. I don't know how long ago since he uttered the word, "I divorce you," but, what I know is, it has been 2 years, at least.

Anyway, my friend, Fariz and I were talking about it in the car.

I, obviously defended the couple. Jodoh sudah tak lama, nak buat macam mana.

"But a divorce, after, not one, but two children is a big deal!" he said.

Basically, to him, to divorce the wife, the women you once loved, is not an easy thing to do, there must be a really, really good reason that triumph the fact that she is the mother of your childREN.

Yes, people stay in marriages, sometimes, even though they are not in love anymore, because they love their children so much, they want to provide a stable environment for them. It's for the kids.

"Tapi besar sangat ke silapnya sampai nak bercerai?" he questioned.

According to my friend, it is okay to divorce earlier on in the marriage because the things that you have shared together is minimal. Without kids, it's easier to consider whether to separate or not.

Well, yeah, he got his points across, and now, I am slightly agreeing with him.
Intrigued, even, what is exactly the really, really good reason, to get a divorce, even after years of marriage and two children?

Is the reason truly justified?

"Italy vs Paraguay. Which team do you think will win tonight?"

"Italy!" I said.

He, not my boyfriend, asked me why. I don't know much about football, so, I said, "Because they are more good-looking. They are taller, nice bodies and all..." This is speaking from experience, in real life, even the normal citizens in Italy are to be drooled over.

"But football is not about who is taller or not. It is about how you play the game," he obviously know by now, I don't know shit about football.

"Uh-huh...But I still think Italy would win."

So, he made a bet with me. He was on Paraguay's side. "Do you know why? Because Italy is giving Paraguay half point if they draw."

Yeah, I don't even bother to know what that means.

The next day, I found out very early in the morning, that Italy won.

When we sat down together for work, he started to tell me how he overslept, when I suddenly interrupted him, "Italy won!" with a big smile plastering on my face, together with a victory sign.

"How do you know? Did you Google for the result?"

Yes, as a girl who doesn't know much about football, how can I know the result of the match so quickly?

"I have contacts, you know..." was my answer.

Later on, he left.

At 1pm, he picked me up for lunch. I invited my friend to join us, but my friend refused.

I chose the most expensive food on the menu, not because I was ripping him off, I just wanted to try the lamb shank. Besides, I was hungry, so I felt like having a big meal.

During lunch, I don't know whether it's just me, or, he was really, really flirting with me.

First, he winked at me.

Then, upon seeing me having difficulties cutting up my meat, he volunteered, "Do you want a surgeon to cut the meat for you?"

He is a surgeon. I didn't know he was, until he broke the news to me during the lunch.

And he did other things that flattered me!
It was nice. I mean, the things that he did for me. I wouldn't deny I was happy.

I don't know whether he did flirt, or I seorang je yang perasan lebih.

Lastly, he bought me two slices of cake, before dropping me off at my workplace.

At work, I jokingly told my friend that I had a date and told him the things that we did. "Tolonglah, nak termuntah okay!" he said.
"Come on, this is my side of story, which I exaggerated. It was not a date. It was completely professional. I je yang perasan. Besides, sangat coincident Italy menang..." I said.

"That was the trick he used on you to ask you out! Of course lah Italy yang menang!"

Hmm...

I quickly used my contacts. I found out the surgeon is going with with a pharmacist. Okay, so it was only me who overintepret the things that he did all along! Haha. Malu saya.

When I reached home, I called my boyfriend.
I wanted to tell him but he was on his way for his daily dose of football.

I told him not to go.

He promised me he would play for only 20 minutes.

I slept and woke up at 4am. Nobody woke me up for dinner. I don't remember whether my boyfriend did call or not. I think he didn't and assumed that I collapsed after a tiring day at work.
He is always like that. He lets me sleep when he knows I am tired.

So, I still haven't told him about my lunch.

It's 5am now and I am still writing.

I couldn't help but feel happy about my lunch date!

Actually, I am just happy that, finally, there's someone who would flirt with me!
(Wait, he was not flirting with me! I just THINK that he was)
Haha!

berlawan = bahaya

I feel extremely guilty. Because lately I have been keeping secrets from my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is not very happy because I spend so much time with a male friend.

I see nothing wrong with it. I know he is not interested in me, and he knows I am so in love with my boyfriend, so I figure the relationship is harmless.

Since my friend and I live in the same neighbourhood, isn't it logically convenient (financially and socially) to go everywhere together?

Because of my boyfriend's disapproval, I, sometimes, had to lie that there's someone else in the car/ restaurant (insert- wherever we may be at that time).

I strongly believe in karma. Currently, I am so scared that sooner or later, my boyfriend may be keeping secrets from me too!

But I don't want to lose my friend and I want my boyfriend to lose his insecurities. Doesn't he know that good friends are hard to find, they don't come along very often and especially the ones who are as crazy as you!

And most of the time, it is not our faults. We would be planning an outing with a whole bunch of friends, but somehow, one by one would decide to ditch us, something came up la, last minute emergency la, bangun lambat la, so in the end, the two of us again.

Bf: You tak boleh rapat sangat dengan dia. Orang tua-tua dah kata, lelaki dengan perempuan tu berlawan!
Me: Tapi mana ada I gaduh-gaduh dengan dia!
Bf: You faham tak maksud 'berlawan' tu? Maksudnya, bahaya, tau tak? Lelaki bila dah bersama dengan perempuan tu bahaya!

Haha. Berlawan = bergaduh. Mana I tahu!

cantik

I don't know why, but I get overly sensitive when somebody say things like this to me:

"Don't just stand there looking pretty and doing nothing," or something parallel along that line.

Although, sometimes, I like to pretend that I am bimbo, or I like people to underestimate my capabilities, but when they find a connection between how I look with my intellectuality; I get very, Very, VERY offended.

First, because it is sooo untrue.

I grew up believing I was not pretty. Boys did not fancy me. I work my best to get to the where I am now. Physically, I was lacking, so, when these people imply that I am simply selling my face while I work, I wish I could say- Fuck off.

So far, two of my FEMALE bosses had said the exact same thing to me in two different occasions, which I feel like waving my middle finger in their faces.

How dare you. How dare!

You can comment on my looks, you can comment on the way I dress, you can comment on my intellectuality, you can comment on my work ethics, but NEVER ever mention them together in one sentence.

I am not stupid. I just don't want to show off, you idiot.
Because the more you know, the more humble you should be, you idiot.

And so, I was left a little bit more confused than usual.

Because I have got people, staffs to be precise, on numerous numbers of times, coming up to me, to tell me that I should change my appearance for the greater good.
They say things like, "Kalaulah saya boleh make-over Cik Ectopy..." or "Cik Ectopy patut masuk rancangan bla bla bla (some local makeover TV programmes that I have never heard of), mesti cantik..." or "Cuba kalau Ectopy pakai macam ni, buat rambut macam tu, lepas tu letak celak sikit..."

I got to think it over and I have come to a simple conclusion:

Grumpy, old, women will always be forever jealous to the younger generation, no matter how ugly they are.

There.




Me: You rasa I cantik tak?
Bf: Mestilah cantik...
Me: Habis tu, kenapa orang selalu komen pasal rupa I?
Bf: Diorang tu tak tahu menilai kecantikan...
Me: Kenapa takde lelaki suka dekat I?
Bf: Sebab diorang tahu you dah ada I.
Me: Tapi I suke je dekat lelaki walaupun diorang dah ada girlfriend/ tunang/ isteri.
Bf: Tu sebab you gatal.
Me: (Laughs)
Bf: Ada lelaki minat you, tapi diorang minat senyap-senyap...
Me: Yeke?
Bf: I tahulah, sebab you cantik.

My boyfriend always makes me happy at the end of the day.
Just because he says things that I want to hear!

Haha.

I had a bad day at work, around two weeks ago.
With me getting sick, physically, I mean, causing a little drama in the lobby with the people present at that time are mostly the people I know.

(Sigh).

Sometimes, I take more than one bag to work. But my friends were so sweet, they actually accompanied me to the eight floor, brought my bags on their shoulders (despite of them being guys) and made me safe and sound.

After we parted, one of them actually had the courtesy to message me and asked how I was doing.

I needed that. Someone who cares about me.

I spent the whole day crying and not crying and crying again. I needed my boyfriend but I didn't feel like talking, so I didn't tell my boyfriend what had happened. I only told him briefly and he thought I was fine.

I wasn't fine. I was very irritable at that time. I was sensitive, that any wrongdoing that was inflicted onto me, I took it to the heart and I felt horrible.

I was extremely scared and fragile. I was losing myself.




I had to work late that night. I thought couldn't, but I must. Two of my friends came looking for me, but I was having shower at work. Then, there they were, asking me how my day was and they suggested for pizza.

As I couldn't leave, they brought pizza for me. :)




I always consider myself lucky because I always have these wonderful friends.

Remember when I said, I only have colleagues, not friends at work?

I was wrong. I've made some really good friends.

The other day, I was at work when a friend decided to check me out at work.

My boss asked, "What is Raymond doing here?"

I thought my boss meant another Raymond, his Raymond.

I looked around, I didn't see anybody, so I continued with my work.

A few days later, my Raymond confessed that he came looking for me but he saw me busy doing work so he left without me even noticing.

Now, tell me, is that sweet or what!




The only explanation that I have for my fortune is: This is what God return to me in favour of me being so patient with my clients and staffs. My clients and staffs might be rude to me, but hey, at least I have the greatest friends on earth.

So, good deeds do make fruitful profits afterall...



The thing is, most of my good friends are guys. Not that I am very picky or tomboyish, it's just that, most of my girl friends are married and the activities that I can do with them are limited.

The sad thing is, I really want some girl friends so they can sleep over at my house the night before I get married.

It must be weird if I were to have my guy friends filling up my living room before I get married. (Imagine the situation). Haha! Lawaklah pulak...




I desperately need my boyfriend.
Me: Sekarang ni, bapa I cakap, kena kahwin tahun depan.
Bf: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab bapa I nak pergi Mekah dulu. (Laughs) Semangat gila bapa I, nak pergi Mekah minta petunjuk...
Bf: Apalah bapa you ni...Kalau nak jodoh nak buat macam mana...Betul tak?
Me: Habislah you...Kalau bapa I mimpi nampak laki lain depan Kaabah macam mana?
Bf: Takkan punya...
Me: Mana you tahu...
Bf: You ni, cakap macam tak sayang I!

:) I sayang you lah...

pretty shoes make me happy

Listening to:
Their Cell by Girl in a Coma.



Life has its ups and downs.

The best part about it is when you compared what happened during your bad times with the good times you are having.

Like yesterday, I knew I was going to have a very difficult time at work, so many things to do, but as usual, tak cukup kaki tangan, and with so many petty complaints that I need to look into (sometimes, they are not even my job, but I don't want to be calculative), I casually asked a close friend of mine:

"How long do you think before I explode? Wanna bet? 1 month? 2 months?" I said while giggling.

"I'd say...By this Friday!"

Little did I know, I had my mini explosion last night itself.

I cried to my boyfriend. I have the best, most understanding boyfriend ever. He listened and gave me encouragement. And even though he was not next to me physically, I could feel him stroking my hair trying to calm me down.

I'm glad I have my sweet friends around too. I seldom tell them what's bothering me, but sometimes I wish they know how much I appreciate it when out of nowhere, they send me SMSes to ask me out for supper or things like that. They don't know how much they've done to save me.

Do you know that it's difficult to be a nice person? Because, to be a true, genuinely nice person,
1) you shouldn't expect anything in return.
2) you shouldn't mind doing the nice things. You must always willingly to do them.
3) you have to have patience.
4) tak boleh nak mengungkit.
5) kena persistent, atau dalam Bahasa Arabnya, kena istiqamah.
6) kena consistently have a pure heart, tak boleh evil.

See...Susah okay!

Lepas tu, nanti kena pijak pijak, tapi you still have to be patient and put a smile on your face.

Whenever I feel angry at someone, I try to find a good thing about that person so I can't blame him/ her,
like, "Sejahat-jahat mulut dia pun, at least dia pakai tudung, tak macam I ni...Pahala dia lagi banyak dari I, so jangan ingat diri I ni bagus sangat nak benci-benci orang!" Lepas tu terus insaf, tapi apakan daya, diri masih nak ber'skirt'. Haha...

Oh, well, but today, I am happy. Way happier than yesterday!

I decided to wear my new, cutest shoes ever to work.

Early in the morning, I was greeted with compliments of my pretty shoes.

Heeee! I can be such a girly girl sometimes even at this age!

Seriously, those shoes have magic, everytime I look at them, I smile like a little kid getting a new toy. I'm so happy with my purchase, dah lah comel, cheap and comfortable pulak tu! Cukup 3 Cs!

The day went so well today, I can even list down the things that make me happy:

1) less work because I was stationed outside my usual workplace. Celebrate!

2) was greeted by a guy from Brunei, who said,
"Hai. Saya selalu nampak awak. Awak siapa nama?"
And then he asked me where I lived and etc.
I told him I needed to go, but he said, "Agak-agak bila awak boleh bagi number telephone?"
My answer was, "Nanti-nantilah eh?"
Heee...Then terus telefon boyfriend and excitedly told him I kena ngorat. (Giggles)

3) Was reminded by something that happened a few days before:
A crazy person, like a real crazy person, was hanging around at my workplace. So as I was doing my work, he said, "Awak banyak cantiklah!"

Jangan layan.

I went home, I told my boyfriend that I was sad because a crazy man thought I was pretty. Maksudnya, mestilah I tak cantik because if he knows what's beautiful and what not, he would have taken care of himself better and wear proper attire!

My boyfriend said, "Crazy men are honest."

I refused to listen to him, until today, I teringat dekat Alice in Wonderland. :)

4) One of my bosses actually noticed my hard work, like finally!

5) Can I mention shoes, again?

P/S: I lost RM500 today. So sad. Could have given Mother the money instead. But I am still happy. Duit cuma. Lainkali cari lagi. Even though it was totally not my fault, but I redha. I hope, whoever has MY money now, will use them wisely for good deeds.

A few weeks back, I read a blog. The blogger talked about the assignment he/ she had been given by his/ her lecturer: Write 10 words that best describe about you. Then choose the best three, and elaborate.

According to him/ her, the assignment is more difficult than it sounds. I don't have to try it to agree, but anyway, I am going to do it now, spontaneously, I promise.

Oh, my, this is going to be loooong.

Time start 0017.

1- optimistic
2- cheerful
3- split
4- adventurous
5- reasonable
6-
7-
8-
9-
10-

Time finish 0055.

Okay, I give up. I need more than one word to describe me. Like 'Split'. I am actually trying to say that I have a split personality. I couldn't find another word which carries the same meaning. The closest is 'indecisive'. But I am not really indecisive, I just have a split personality! Happy now, sad the next moment, like a bipolar person, but I don't really suffer from a bipolar psychotic behaviour disorder. I just have a split personality, understand?

Anyhow, this is an assignment. We usually have one week to complete one assignment. I'll continue later, okay?

I wrote 5 words already. But if I were to choose only 3, I don't which of them are best to describe me. I don't have the slightest idea!

This is to describe who I am. I am me, so I must know how am I like, ain't I?

The lesson here is, 'The hardest lesson is to know thyself'.







Work is crazy. Despite the craziness, I am still inspired, on random days.

Someone at work is constantly scolded. I adore her patience and her determination.

My friend told me, she once said, "Kerja tu ibadah. Biarlah orang nak marah kita pun."

Ibadah. I like that word.

Next time, whenever I feel shitty at work, I just have to remind myself, "Kalau nak buat ibadah, hati kena ikhlas."







I'm surrounded by many new colleagues and I have to bear with their myriad attitudes!

I especially hate those whose jobs are to assist me but they don't even attempt to assist me at all. Dah lah refuse to do their job, being rude to me pulak tu.

Sometimes, I feel like, "Hello, I am your boss, tolong respect sikit boleh tak?" Geram tau. I am polite to you, I even call you 'Kak', not by your pangkat (yang lebih rendah from mine), and it's not like I don't have better work to do, can't you be at least civilised to me back!

The other day, I was really hurt by this one 'Kakak'. I was in charge for other clients, but she assumed I was in charge for her clients as well. She told me that this one client was a little bit fussy. So? What am I to do? I have my clients to attend to as well.

And I wasn't like being rude to her at all. I told her, "Kakak, siapa yang in charge sini? Saya tak in charge sini lah..."

Do you know what she did next? She intentionally said this loudly, "Aku benci betullah kerja dekat sini!"

At first, I wasn't bothered at all, because I thought she directed her anger towards someone else. So, I ignored her. Besides, I thought tak baik lah nak eavedrops orang punya conversation.

Then, she began to slam the drawers, hempas-hempas files semua, while I was still there.

I kan agak optimistic, so I thought, 'Jangan perasan that she's angry with you. Entah-entah dia marah orang lain.' I tried to coax myself not to mind her attitude. Tak baik bersangka buruk.

As I was about to leave, she called me and asked to sort out her client, and she rudely asked me to. So, memang confirm lah kan...

It's either I was really patient, or I was just too tired to acknowledge her problematic behaviour.

So, I attended the client, gave some pep-talk, and the client agreed. Tak sampai dua minit pun.

Seriously, nampak sangat 'Kakak' tu was not even trying to talk to the client. Client was agreeable after talking to me. Susah sangat ke? And she dared to throw tantrums toward me, some more.

Tapi, kerja kan ibadat. Kena ikhlas.

Mungkin, suami kakak tu baru minta cerai the day before kot. Tu pasal meroyan macam orang nak menopause. Who knows kan?

I continued to do my work, keeping quiet. Sampai rumah, I malas nak cerita dekat my boyfriend, nanti bertambah tak ikhlas dan menyakitkan hati, tapi before I went to bed, I fikir, "Patutlah kau kerja sebagai orang bawahan. With attitude like that, you will never improve."

I hate to generalize sebenarnya. Because I've had very efficient assistants before, I even adore them!

I guess, that Kakak is one rotten fruit. Busuk, basi! Good thing I don't even remember your face to hold grudges on you. Kalau tak, buat tambah dosa I je.

I hope my offsprings and I will never have that kind of attitude.

When I heard about the bad news, the first thing that came to my mind was, and I did say it out loud: "Well, nasib baik dia dah kahwin..."

My other friends who were around that time were astounded by my reaction, trying to figure out the connection of being married with someone's misfortune.

"Betullah! Berkahwin tu sangat-sangat membantu tau. Adalah orang nak support, nak nangis nangis...Sekurang-kurangnya dia gembira dengan perkahwinan dia, and nothing else matters. Like who cares even if you are being laid of your job when you have a loving a husband and adorable children?"

They nodded their heads, a sign of agreeing with my statement.

"Korang tak rasa betul ke?" I asked.

"Betul lah jugak..." one of them said.

"See...Sebab tu lah I nak kahwin!"


Shit lah...I dah ada mentality everything will be better when you are married. Haha. Rasa macam dah tak independent la pulak...

(Waves hands over my head, pergi semua pemikiran kolot!)







Today morning, I woke up and decided to be all manja manja dengan boyfriend.
However, I came to realize that the relationship is well over 3 years, but I manja tak ingat dunia and my boyfriend pulak simply layan, sometimes I wonder why he layan me so much.

If I were a guy, I dah tampar tampar dah girlfriend ter over manja macam I ni. Haha.

Seriously, why would a man in his thirties play and pretend along with his girlfriend yang mengada-ngada minta dia jerit just for fun and he foolishly grants my wish.

In the end, he amuses me and as usual, I'd ask, "Kenapa you blindly ikut cakap I!"

Sometimes, I pulak rasa nak lepuk my boyfriend's head, jangan jadi bodoh boleh tak!







The truth is, I know my boyfriend when he was on top of his world. Everything was going well for him and then we met and his world became perfect. Like any other story, that don't last long.

The good thing is, he still has me but he is now no longer as well-off as he used to. It doesn't affect me, because financially, I do not depend on him, but mentally, it does and I tend to question his ability to afford me soon.

Sometimes, I ni pun teruk jugak la, I'd ask him, "Bila you nak kaya?" or "Kenapa you tak cakap dekat I yang you sebenarnya tak kaya? I would still go for you, you know, tapi takde lah I expect you kaya and get disappointed when you are actually not," or "Tak boleh ke you kaya lama tapi miskin sekejap instead the other way around?"

See, why am I so mean to him!

Entahlah. Sometimes, I feel, if he was as rich as he used to, tak payahlah I pening kepala fikir hal wedding, and my parents wouldn't have excuses not to like him.

I understand that he has set a certain amount of his savings for other things and that money can't be touched for personal spendings, tapi nak tunggu tu punye lah lama...

I cannot dwell too much about the details.

Luckily I work closely with citizens of the lower second class and the third class. Cuma kadang-kadang jadi lupa diri when surfing blog orang kaya. Haha.

My colleagues and I notice that these people (lower second class and the third class) tend to have many children. So, I told my boyfriend about it,

"Ada perempuan ni, baru 23 tahun dah ada 6 orang anak! Sekali tengok-tengok, husband dia penjaga stor. Kawan I cakap, 'No wonder, he got nothing better to do!'," I broke into laughters.

My boyfriend laughed too. Then he asked, "You rasa, kenapa diorang ni banyak anak?"

"Laaa...Kan I dah cakap tadi, sebab diorang ni takde kerja lain nak buat, lepas tu tak reti nak family planning sebab tak tahu and takde duit," I said, half-jokingly.

My boyfriend smiled, "Sebab...Tuhan tu adil. Walaupun diorang tak banyak duit, tapi diorang kaya anak..."

Okay. Cukup-cukuplah tazkirah. I main-main je lah!