My grandmother passed away. Al-Fatihah.

Father and Mother were supposed to be on their way balik kampung, but they postponed it to a day later since Mother was not feeling well and she didn't want to spread the infection to my grandma.

That night, Mother barged into my room and told me that her mama had gone.

I didn't know what to do.

I wasn't very close to my grandma. In fact, I am not very close to any of my family members.

I took the news really well.

She left my room and I continued whatever thing I was doing. In the end, I went to see her while she was packing.

"Macam mana boleh meninggal dunia?" I asked. As far as I knew, grandma didn't have any chronic disease, except the fact that she was just old.

"Masa tu ramai ada sebab nak pergi wedding. Dia cakap sakit. Lepas tu dia duduk, tak bangun-bangun," Mother said calmly.

"Siapa yang cakap dia meninggal? Tak panggil doktor ke? Mana tahu, entah-entah pengsan je ke..." said I, thoughtfully.

Suddenly, my Mother laughed. "Tak tahulah diorang tu!"

I didn't get why Mother and my sister started to laugh. This was serious matter! "Mana tahu, sebenarnya dia tengah coma ke...Mana boleh senang-senang je declare orang mati! Doktor pun tak boleh senang-senang declare orang mati tau."

"Ala...Siti* kan doktor...Dia tahu lah kot..." Siti* is my cousin who lives in the same hometown as my grandma.

I'm not joking weih! I wouldn't want to declare someone's dead unless I am qualified to!




Anyhow, I've spent a lot of time with my friends. I've always noticed that I go along better with the guys and the girls. The other day, I was even the only rose among five thorns (haha!) and we played three kinds of sports in one day.

It was really good. I enjoyed myself.

My colleague found out about this and I jokingly said that this was the time to enjoy my singlehood.
He said if he were my boyfriend, he would be unfortunate to get a girl like me.

So, I told my boyfriend about what my colleague thought.

Then, my boyfriend said, "I'd be jealous too. But the only reason I let you go is because I know all of your friends."

I feel blessed. To have an understanding boyfriend, to have great friends, and also to have a boyfriend who knows most of my friends and let me have my time with my friends even though my boyfriend himself rarely spends his time with me.

Haih. I love all of them. :)

kerja.

Wah. It's so nice of you guys to congratulate to me. Thank you, thank you, you guys are too cute. Congratulations to you too, for whatever thing you have achieved so far!

Sorry lah I rarely reply your comments. You know my problems, the Internet + the PC suck.

I eat so much nowadays.

Since McD launched Prosperity Burger, I have eaten nothing but Prosperity Burger everytime I have the chance to order from McDonalds. Tambah dengan McFlurry lagi, nak bubur lah, nak apple pie lah, I always end up having to pay the most among my friends.

Do you guys remember the McD advertisement, probably some 20 years or so ago: the McD clown mascott with his red shoes, singing the alphabets: Mc D O N A L D S, Mc D O N A L D S! I love it. I sing it to my nieces sometimes.

"You ni, makan banyaklah!" my colleague whom recently joined the department said as I munched away my french fries.

Colleague. Work. Work.

When I first started working, I was so enthusiastic, I gave my best in everything I did.

I made sure I came to work on time (I still do this) because I didn't want to 'makan gaji buta'. It's not so much about principle, but I am scared to gain 'rezeki yang haram'. Lets face it, I am not the most pious person, heck, I don't even wear a tudung, the least I can do is to care about these little and simple things that are within my capabilities of doing.

I'm not saying that I've never come late to work, I do, but I'd get all guilty and work overtime so the money that the organization pays me, is worth my work.

People at work often ask me, "Why?" Why do I come to work early. Why do I go home late. Why I never go for lunch unless I make sure everything has been done. Why don't I go take a nap. Why do I help my colleague even though obviously I've done more than him/ her. Why this and why that. I always end up smiling. I mean, can I tell them my actual reasons behind doing all these? I am no ustazah, I don't want to suddenly stun them with my personal views.

Kiranya, what I believe is macam, what you give, you get back la...

However, sometimes, I do get the feelings that the efforts that I put into my work is not appreciated and I don't get the respects that I think I deserve.

Whenever I have these thoughts in my mind, I quickly reflect the purpose I choose this industry. I choose it not for the money, not for the respect nor for the appreciation. So, why bother if someone treats me like crap and the money I get is shit?

There are two ways I look at it.

If my staff misbehave, I keep quiet, I think, "Patutlah kau ni kerja takat ni je...Buruk akhlak. Kurang ajar. Macam mana nak maju?"

If my bosses misbehave, I keep quiet, I think, "Belajar pandai-pandai pun tak guna. Buruk akhlak. Kurang ajar. Cleaner pun perangai lagi bagus dari kau. Buat malu je."

And I don't believe in instilling fear to get your workers becoming more productive. Someone should be approachable to generate interests. Nak marah pun agak-agaklah, kena ada adab. How disgraceful to point out your negative points in front of the clients. Not only it's unprofessional, kalau I jadi client pun, I tak jadi nak dealing dengan these kinds of people. Tak constructive langsung.

I first join this organization believing I wouldn't become one of the commoners. I still keep my mind judgemental-free and I vow to treat everyone the same. I don't care if you are VIP, if you know Datuk so-and-so, you still get in the line like everybody else, you get to cut the line like everybody else if ONLY there's an urgency! I don't care if you whine a lot, that doesn't necessarily mean it's an urgency. On the other hand, who am I to conclude whether you fake it or not, you are still entitled of my full attention and service, just be patient and wait for your turn.

One thing for sure, I don't care whether you to treat me like crap, and if you call me an idiot, I agree with you because I am still learning but trust me, you are still more idiotic than I am. Haha in your face.

Sometimes, I go home feeling all depressed. Everyday is almost similar, but on some of the days, I couldn't take it and I sob. I think it's the accumulation of the many days and so I have this episodes of lachrymology.

My boyfriend is very understanding and he helps a lot in order to make me feel better. He recites his wise words, he shares his own experiences and he even seeks his friends' opinions who work closely in this field.

The sad thing is, I have been advised, for so many times, that I shouldn't trust anyone.

Ah, yes, and how many new friends have I made since I've started working? Two, at most. The rest remains colleagues.

It's me. I work too hard that I don't have the time to get to know them better.

Because of this fear of makan gaji buta, I even feel guilty if I take personal calls during working hours and I never use the Internet for personal use. I do personal things if only I have time spared after I've done my work, which is very rare. And because of this, I have less bonding sessions with my colleagues, hence the less friends I make.

Kesimpulan dari semua ini? Takde.

Nak meluahkan je...

taken

I kept the event low-key. Only a few close friends know about it. And you, the readers.

It's not that I purposely want to hide my status. But I feel things can go wrong anytime, and I don't want to suffer from the consequences. You know what they say, suka suka jadi duka. That's why I don't want to be overexcited about it.

However, an observant boss saw my new bling on my finger.

"Are you engaged?" he asked, in front of my other colleagues.

Later, I found out from my colleague that it was so obvious that I was contemplating to say Yes or No because I took a long time to decide.

Haha.

My answer was positive. "Just yesterday," I told him.

My boss congratulated me.


Is my boyfriend now my fiance? We are not engaged, you know. We decide to skip the engagement ceremony to save cost.

Guess what?

My parents asked for two rings.

"I ingatkan kalau tak tunang boleh save duit! Tengok-tengok parents you minta dua cincin!" he whined.

I'm happy that I'll get two!

My boyfriend is now my future husband. =)

psst.

Psst.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard Mother and Father were arguing about me.

My boyfriend called earlier to confirm the date that he will be bringing his family over to my house.

Mother said okay but Father was obviously furious. He was so furious, his voice was so loud, and he said nasty things about Mother, my boyfriend and I.

Somehow, the shouting has stopped.

And here I am, refusing to cry.

Boleh tak I menjerit instead?

achieve

Not many know that I secretly want to be housewife.

Simple as that.

I was talking with my boss, he asked me what do I want to do in my life, specifically, in the near future, do I have anything in my mind, do I want to further my studies?

Yes, of course. But I don't know in which area particularly. Definitely not the one I am in right now.

Boss wanted to know the reasons.

Me: I'm thinking of having a family soon. This (the department I am in) is mostly a guy's thing. I cannot do this while I'm pregnant.

Boss: Bullshit. Look at the female bosses you have. Don't you think they want to get married and have family too? If they can do it, so can you. If you get pregnant, we'll assign you to do other things first.

Me: Yes, I know. But I don't want to wait 9 months to learn. That means, I'll be getting my cert later that supposedly. I just hate to be left behind.

He shook his head, "Achievements come first."

"Having a family is an achievement too," I argued.

"Not to me," he said.

Me: It is an achievement to have a good family.

Boss: Well, yeah, it is. But I can always do that later.

Me: You are a guy, it's different. I don't want to give birth for the first time when I'm forty!

After a long pause, I continued, "I actually like this department."

My boss gave me a smile and said, "You're just saying it because you are talking to me."

"No, I am serious. I like it, it's so nice here, it'll be perfect for me without the...You know, like I mentioned before..."







My colleague was working for a good 8 months before she quit her job.

"Why did you quit?"

Her answer: My husband didn't like me working. I wouldn't say he was unsupportive. He just didn't like me leave the house and come back tired.

"So, I resigned," she explained.

"Wow. Your parents didn't say anything?"

Her: Of course, they did! But my husband didn't force me to quit my job. I wanted to do so too. It felt so good, to be able to do nothing. Then, I had my baby and it was fun.

"So, you were a housewife for...?"

Her: Two years. Did you know what I came back? Because of SpongeBob.

I laughed.

She laughed too.

"No, seriously. I loved SpongeBob. One day, my kid and I were watching TV. I was excited to watch SpongeBob. 'Yay, SpongeBob!' and then, it was a re-run. So, I was very disappointed."

"And then, it hit me. How can I be disappointed to watch a SpongeBob re-run! I watched too many SpongeBob episodes, that they were now showing re-runs and I didn't like it. I thought to myself, 'Man, my brain is getting rusty. I couldn't do this anymore. I need to get out of the house'."

Next question asked, "So, you talked to your husband?"

Her: Yes, and he was OK with it. So, here I am. Working...

Her: But it was nice to be a housewife. I mean, it wasn't too bad to sit at home. It's just...For example, I didn't get to dress up for anything. And I used to be pretty upset about it. Like, why do I have to buy nice clothes, I don't even get to wear it.

Her: But now I feel terrible for my daughter. She's always like, "Mommy, are you coming home today?"

Her: And I don't get to live with my husband. It's so tiring to drive up and down, you know. So, we decide that I should stay somewhere nearer to my workplace.

Me: Aww, that's sad. Do you guys get to see each other often?

Her: At least, twice a week. He lives the dogs. I always joke that he spends more time with the bitches than me.

debar debar

Tadi I baca paper The Star. Dekat page belakang-belakang tu, dia cakap, wanita yang berpayudara besar adalah lebih bijak, berdasarkan kajian yang dibuat oleh sebuah univeristy di Chicago. Scientifically katanya, perempuan berbuah dada besar ni lebih banyak merembeskan hormon kewanitaan yang merangsang minda.

WTF!

I punya boobs kecik gile, tapi I tak bodoh okay! My teteks do not contain my brain...




Last night, I was exchanging SMS with 4 different guys in a span of 30 minutes.

Due to the fact that 3 of the guys are more good looking than my boyfriend (the 4th guy is my boyfriend himself), terus I perasan player sekejap. Haha.

3 eligible bachelors, good looking and professionals, almost perfect. (Sigh)

That's when it hit me when Mother said, "Betulke nak kahwin ni? Kamu asyik keluar dengan lelaki lain."

'Keluar dengan lelaki lain' doesn't mean I am cheating on my boyfriend. First of all, my boyfriend is aware of my activities, second of all, my guy friends are well, my guy friends, nothing more than that, and last but not least, my boyfriend is not an unsecured freak who controls my every move.

Speaking of me 'keluar dengan lelaki lain', it's so funny, the other day, I went out with my colleague/ friend, and my boyfriend refused to put down the phone.

"Bila you nak hang up, ni? You ada benda lagi nak beritahu? Hehe..." I teased him.
"I tak tahulah. I rasa berdebar-debar pulak!"
"Berdebar-debar? Haha!" I laughed.
"Ye lah, sejak nak kahwin ni...Lepas kahwin, tak boleh buat macam ni lagi tau."
"Ye lah, kalau dah kahwin, I berdosa kalau tak ikut cakap you..."

Anyhow...

1.
This guy is currently unwillingly seeing two girls at a time. It all started when he went for a vacation and met these two girls and they both have crushes on him (who wouldn't?). So, when one of the girls asked him out, being the Mr. Nice Guy that he is, he couldn't say 'No' despite asking for my opinion (I told him not to give false hope).

"It feels wrong," he told me. "Because I went out with her colleague too, *Minah. I'm sure sooner or later, words will get to them, and they will think I'm such a player."

"Well, you are, if you don't acknowledge them that you are only interested in being friends with them. You should spill, you know, don't keep it a secret, like, 'Hey, *Gayah, I also went out with *Minah the other day, ya know...'"

"And tell them what? 'Oohh...And we had so much fun'?" This guy can be sarcastic sometimes.

"Then, tell them the truth. You are not into them!" was my advice.

"Tak boleh. Nanti diorang cakap, I ni perasan. Sebenarnya nak kawan-kawan je..."

To clarify things, I asked him, "Betulke they suka you?"

"I have the feelings. They keep calling me, asking me out, flirting with me..."

"What do you talk about?"

"Nothing."

"Do you call them back?"

"Itulah pasal...I tak pernah call them!" he exclaimed.

Girls...Please lah get the message when a guy is just being nice to you. Being nice to you doesn't mean he reciprocates your feelings.

2.
This friend of mine has everything, except, you guess it right, the lady love.

He's moving on a step higher in his corporation ladder very soon. Perhaps, he thinks this is the best time to pursue the girl he met several years ago.

He asked me to get her number for him.

The problem is, the girl doesn't want us to give out her phone number unless the guy asks for it personally directly from her.

But I think it's so sweet of him, for the fact the girl whom she met years ago still lingers in his mind...She sure made such a big impact in his life.

Wonder when things like this will ever occur to me. Haha. Gatal.

Anyway, he sounds desperate, doesn't he? He can have any girls he wants (believe me, he's like, one of the most popular guys in the corporation because 'He is so perfect'), but he is desperate to have this girl's number.

I told him, "Good luck and all the best. I can only help you this far."

I don't like to play cupid. I suck at it.

3.
The girl that this guy fancies is getting married soon.

He's not too heartbroken. But I'm sure he feels a bit depressed and under pressure seeing many of our friends are already attached.

Ah, I remember how dashing he looked when he took off his helmet and his leather jacket. I remember how every girl was checking him out and every guy was checking his bike out. And I remember how he promised to bring me on his ride one day.

Anyway, there's no exciting news to be told about him here.

We contacted each other just because it's time for a meet-up. Afterall, I've known him the longest (among all four) and he was my closest friend before I met my boyfriend. He became second when my boyfriend knocked on my life. :)

ongkos

Mother and Father have decided on the amount of hantaran my boyfriend should give.

I had to pass the number to him.

Him: Dah agak dah.
Me: Kenapa dah agak dah?
Him: Sebab you comel and pandai and baik hati...
Me: Boleh?
Him: Boleh. Ma saya pun tak cakap apa. Dia okay je.

2.
Mother: So how?
Me: I told him already.
Mother: And?
Me: It's expected.
Mother: Kenapa expected?
Me: Sebab kita bukan orang negeri dia. Tapi mak dia cakap okay.
Mother: Kenapa kena tanya mak dia pula? Dia bukannya minta duit mak dia, kan?

3.
Auntie: Berapa banyak minta? Kita patutnya tanya budget dia dulu.
Mother: RM**k
Auntie: Kalau budget dia lebih, boleh minta lebih. RM**k?
Mother: Banyak sangat tu. Macam jual anak.
Auntie 2: Eh, zaman sekarang, biasalah tu. Sedara kita X tu pun, anak dia punya hantaran dia RM**k.

4.
Me: You know what, if my parents ask for RM**k, you should give them more than that. (Laughs) Mesti parents I macam, Wow, tak minta pun dapat. (Laughs)
Him: Tunggu I banyak duitlah, sayang...

5.
Him: My friends terkejut when I told them the amount.
Me: Really? Why? Selalunya, berapa harga biasa dekat negeri you?
Him: Dalam RM*k to RM**k.
Me: Oh. Tapi biasalah RM**k tu! All my friends pun dapat hantaran RM**k juga!
Him: Ye?
Me: Yup. You rasa mahal ke?

6.
Him: How many hantarans do you want? 7 balas 9, okay?
Me: Okay.
Him: You nak apa?
Me: I nak 1. telekung 2. cincin and hantaran 3. sirih junjung 4. handbag 5. jam 6.......I nak PDA 7.......I nak kunci rumah and kunci kereta. (Laughs)
Him: Pandailah you ni!
Me: You dapat 9 dulang okay!
Him: Tapi you isi dengan buah-buahan kan? Macam I tak tahu...(Laughs)
Me: Fine. Belikan I laptop.
Him: Laptop tak muat atas dulang.
Me: You belilah laptop yang kecil dan comel dan mahal...Mesti muat! (Laughs)

7.
Him: You nak belikan I kasut apa?
Me: It depends on what kind of handbag you will buy me. Lets say...If you buy me a Guess handbag, takkanlah I nak belikan you kasut Gucci kan!

8.
A reminder to myself.
I want a simple, cost effective wedding.
Nothing too fancy and over the top.
I shouldn't lose myself in the midst of preparation. I ni kan seorang yang berjimat.

girly dilemma

Sometimes, I feel like I want to start writing about my wedding plans.

- I don't want a bridesmaid (because I'd have too many to be included and I don't want them all wearing the same colours. Too radical.)
- I don't want a majlis merenjis (Mother is against it too, she hates being put in the spotlight)
- If I don't want a majlis merenjis, why would I need a dais for?
- I want to make my wedding convenient for all my friends to come. That would mean to host it from day to night. But that means my friends wouldn't gather at a place at a time. No fun.
- I already have a design in my mind for my wedding dress, but it looks best in white, but I prefer it not to be white since I'll be wearing white for the akad nikah.

You know, girly things like that.

However...

- I don't want to get too excited about it just in case...
- I want my ceremony to be unique
- I want my anomosity to remain

Now, that's what I call a girly dilemma.




I don't know when my busy life is going to end. Mother and Father asked for the boyfriend's family to wait.

I don't understand why we need to wait. I mean, it's not like we are going to book a khemah and cater for food or anything like that. It will be a very small event, attended by immediate family members. I know from my side, it would be just me and my family. Nothing big. Just for the sake of adat. Just for the sake to make everything official. Just for sake to tell my parents that I AM SERIOUS AND CONFIDENT ABOUT THIS.

The date proposed by Mother and Father is not feasible for me. My leave will not be approved, even if I explain to my bosses that it's for MY merisik. Besides, my leaves are sacred to me (due to how limited they are) hence I'd prefer to burn them when I really need to.

I forced my boyfriend to bring it forward. My boyfriend agreed and contacted Mother.

Mother: I want to ask you again. Betul nak dekat dia?
Me: Betul.
Mother: Sebab kamu asyik keluar dengan lelaki lain.
Me: Tu kawan kerja la. I memang banyak kawan lelaki, nak buat macam mana.
Mother: Ma tanak kamu salah pilih. Ma tengok muka dia macam takde duit je.
Me: Kalau dia ade duit ke, takde duit ke, muka dia tetap sama.

Okay, that's settled.

Another thing, I don't know what to wear. My boyfriend bought a 4-metre silk textile a while back, but I hate it. I thought I could pull it off, convincing myself that I look pretty in anything I wear. So, I tried the cloth on me last night, it was still ugly. I hate it. So much.

I'd rather be absence from the ceremony than wearing that.

Me: I kena kerja. Mana ada masa.
Him: I nak datang ni bawa family I, you kena ada!
Me: Tapi ni merisik je. Do I have to be there?
Him: Habis tu?
Me: Lagipun I takde baju nak pakai.
Him: Kain yang I beli tu, bila you nak buat?
Me: I tak tahu nak buat design macam mana.
Him: Antara baju kurung atau baju kebaya?
Me: (Actually, even if it's been made into either, it still looks ugly and cheap) Baju tu tak sesuai buat kebaya. And tak cantik buat baju kurung.
Him: Nevermind, I'll ask my tailor design macam mana sesuai.
Me: Your tailor?
Him: Our tailor.
Me: (Still, like I said before, even if it's been made into either, it still looks ugly and cheap)

Can't I just buy and wear something else, something that would compliment and bring the best out of me!

Now, if you think we have a dishonest relationship, you are wrong.

I told him earlier, hours after receiving the gift, that I dislike it.

Of course, he couldn't accept it and the conversation became sour. "I had four girls picking it for you! Do you know how much did I spend for it! You senang-senang je kata you tak suka!"

Well, obviously the four girls had no taste.
And, if I don't like something, shouldn't I just say it? I mean, he is my very own boyfriend, not some bosses I'm trying to impress, thus he shall know exactly how I feel.

I felt guilty soon afterwards, so I apologized and I said, "I'm sorry. It's not too bad, I guess. I like it. I look good in anything, right?"

Deep down, I knew, I look ugly wearing it. Who am I kidding? Korang ingat I ni Nasha Aziz? Heidi Klum? Are you crazy!

i think i still know you and your family so well. too well.

We were so close, like sisters, the four of us. We thought our friendship would last a lifetime. We tried hard to keep it alive. But after school, the four of us went separate ways.

We were young and penniless, staying in contact like we used to was impossible. We met new friends, we embarked new adventures with different people.

One by one is getting married. I attended her wedding. I wanted to be a part of the group, but she has new bestfriends now and a bridesmaid I don't know who.

Nevertheless, I was happy for her. This is her now; the person I loved, the person I still love, because I was in her history and she was in mine. It was her day, her special day.

I was in her house which I hadn't stepped into for a very long time. I saw the familiar faces in her house: her mother, her father and her two brothers.

Her elder brother looked different, somehow. Older but simply not the same anymore. He wasn't like this before. His good looks remain but there was something missing. The sparkle in his eyes. The liveliness in his personality. The warmth of his presence. They are all gone now. I noticed my bestfriend hadn't spoken a word with him too.

I kinda knew what he had gotten himself into. But I shrugged it off. 'This is my bestfriend's brother, I knew him since I was a kid. It couldn't be...How silly of me...' My concious wanted to believe my suspicion was wrong. Just because I've seen so many, it doesn't mean I could tell one when I meet one.

Moments before the ceremony, my bestfriend looked so radiant. She was in her place. The handsome groom was near. Everybody anticipated the glorious event. All eyes were fixed on them. That's when I saw, at the corner of my eyes, a figure slowly manouvered himself out of the crowd, creeping up the stairs.

I was right. A loving brother couldn't possibly miss his sister's wedding, especially during the 'Aku nikahkan dikau...' Unlike her other brother, who was so involved in it.

I stopped questioning what I know. She doesn't have to tell but I know drugs has sucked the humanity out from her brother's soul.

It is such a pity, such a waste, for a smart, educated man, to fall into the dark, deep hole.

We are not as close as before for me to discuss something so personal with you. Even if we were, we were not as young as before, when we truly told each other everything and anything in this world. We are at the age when every word that's coming out from our mouths is being filtered by our brains first, before we said something regretful.
We learned that already. Because we've grown up.

Still, my friend, everything's going to be alright.

That was your day. Congratulations on your marriage. I'm glad you met your husband. I'm sure he was there when things got difficult, when I wasn't there. May you live happily ever after.

the proposal 1.

I spend less and less time on the Internet. No, I don't know what happened to Piah Zadora, to answer a reader's question. Haha, funny that the reader mentioned her name. Piah Zadora, once a legend, I wish somebody was able to reveal her identity. You know, it'd be fun to watch the drama.

But I guess, people move on. Those who shut down their blogs are now writing again.

Anyhoo...

On Sunday, Mother sent an SMS asking whether I was coming home for lunch because the menu of the day was fish and chips. I couldn't resist it, instead of having a fun loving date with my boyfriend, I forced him to join me at my house.

I think, my boyfriend was preparing for his speech for my parents, but I kept interrupting by, asking him to eat with me, talking about work with Mother. Then, I excused myself to get ready for our special dinner.

He was supposed to use the time to blurt it out to my parents.

This is what happened, according to him:

He went to one of the rooms to perform his prayer, waiting for the perfect moment, but it was spoiled by the sudden influx of people into my house- my siblings and their kids.

I, on the other hand, thought he did it, went to greet him, all made up and smiling.

In the car, he admitted, "I haven't told yet."

"Why?" I asked and he mentioned the reason above. "Tak apa, esok I cuba lagi, okay?" were his comforting words.

At the same time, I wasn't in my very best of health. I had a flu. My boyfriend thought I was crying. I did not. But I pretended I was.

"Kenapa you sedih?"
"Sebab you lah!"

The intention was to jokingly alarm him. However, I was too engrossed in my character, it became real, the emotions- anger and disappointment.

"You are always like this, aren't you? You give me all kinds of reasons!"
"Memang betul, tadi tiba-tiba ramai orang!"
"Well, perhaps, ni Tuhan nak tunjuk yang we are not supposed to be together!"

I am more mature now. I limit my words when I'm angry, avoiding regretful conversations that might come out from my words.

Silence. I fixed my eyes on the road. I waited for him to stroke my hair or hold and kiss my hands, like the way he always does when I'm upset.

He did not.

Instead, he took out his mobile phone, which made me angrier. Wrong timing, Sir, to call your friend at times like this, all hell's gonna break loose.

Actually, he was calling Mother. "Esok, dalam pukul 12 tengahari, saya datang rumah, ada hal nak jumpa."

Feeling embarassed, it did work to calm me down. My mouth started to curve slowly upwards.

Dinner at Mandarin Hotel was superb. We ate so much, to make worth of the RM100++ per head buffet. Not bad, huh? It was my first time there, didn't know the price is affordable and fit the quality served there.

The night ended well.

I arrived soundly, but Mother was obviously was anticipating for my return. She doesn't usually stay up after midnight. I escaped her by quickly ran towards my room, getting ready for my slumber.

Mother knocked on the door. "Apa yang dia nak cakap?"

"That his parents are going to see you soon."

"Are you sure? Ataupun kamu nak kahwin just because all your friends are getting married?"
"Orang dah nak kahwin lama dah. Tapi Mother yang tak bagi dulu..."

"Dah fikir betul-betul? Betulke ini orangnya?"
"Betul lah."

"Betul ke dia kerja xxx?"
"Betul."

"Nanti lepas kahwin tinggal mana? Jauh?"
"Sini lah."

"Tapi dia kerja jauh."
"Nanti dia pindah kerja sini."

"Kenapa tak boleh cari yang lebih elok?"
"Eloklah tu. Yang penting, hati baik."

"You have so many friends. Kenapa tak lekat?"
"Dia yang paling baik."

The next day, in the morning:

"I told Father. Dia cakap kena tunggu dua tahun."
"Dua tahun! Tak mau!"

"Ma cakap, 2 tahun lama sangat. Setahun okaylah."
"I nak bulan 6. Kalau ikut dia, dia nak bulan 3."

"Lagi satu, Father cakap kena datang lepas Raya Haji."





As planned, my boyfriend paid a visit in the afternoon. I didn't know what my boyfriend discussed with Mother, I haven't got the chance to interview him yet. But it's sad, huh? Because Father knew he was coming but decided to settle his work. My boyfriend called one day earlier to make sure they were at home, but Father left.

And the reason Father wants two years for us to prepare for the wedding? I think he secretly hopes that in the meantime, I would find somebody else.