Free time.

I am quite free nowadays and I am still not used to the spare time I'm having right now. The free time makes me things of random, unnecessary things such as:

1) A month ago, I saw a TV programme about 3 men venturing the States. They were in San Francisco and found a shop called Good Vibrations. The shop also runs sex classes. The one they decided to join was a class on threesome. So, there they were, being taught on how to touch the women, how to divide their attention equally to two women, how to connect emotionally and physically etc...
And you don't need me to tell you what was their homework/ assignment for that course...

2) When I was small, Father used to have a driver for himself. The driver was never meant for us which means, he would only drive us if Father was in the car with us and except for a few times when Mother couldn't drive us while Father was working or under certain circumstances such as going to the stadium to watch a football match and nobody would drive us there because the roads were congested, Father or Mother didn't want to be stuck in the traffic.
So I was never close to any of the drivers except for this pakcik because he was employed the longest.

I was raised in a pretty modern family. My siblings and I were never taught to salam my parents when going to school or kiss their cheeks or anything like that. I must say I was pretty much a brat back then. So, during the very few times when the driver drove us to places, my sister and I would just get off the car without thanking him.

One time, Father scolded us for not saying 'Thank you' to the pakcik. I was scolded the most because I was the elder sister and I needed to show a good example to my sister. This pakcik was very nice, because he would talk to us and make us laugh, unlike the previous ones, he would also put on songs he liked and sang loudly. Until now, I still could recite one of the paragraphs of the song he used to sing:

Baju ketat, seluar belang, dan kasut tumit tinggi
Begitulah iramanya, irama enam puluhan...

Being eleven and shy, I never uttered the words 'Thank you' because I was so not used to it, even after Father scolded us. I thought Father made a huge deal out of it. He was paid to drive. Father told us, "Pakcik works for me, he is paid to drive only me. What he did for you is only a favour, therefore you should thank him!"

Now, years later, everytime I get off a bus or taxi, I make sure to thank the driver. I don't always thank the cashiers, but I make sure to thank them with at least a smile unless if they really piss me off. In those occasions, I would roll my eyes sampai juling. :)

3) We, Malaysians, take the pride of being a community penuh dengan adab sopan santun dan ramah mesra. The truth is, the culture is beginning to erode and I think the Westerners are probably more civilised in terms of adab jual beli.
First, they, the customers or the cashiers, always greet you.
The cashiers also always thank you after each transactions. How many Malaysian cashiers thank you after you receive the receipt?
And the best thing in developed countries is: the customers are indeed always right!
You could return any goods you bought without being asked, not even judged by the sellers.

And I like how they, the elderly especially, randomly greet you with 'Good morning' and I could greet them back without looking stupid.

In Malaysia, if somebody did that to me, I must have thought he was a pervert with a very lame pick-up line. I would probably pretend not to hear it and show the grumpiest expression on my face.

This give me an idea. I think I would start to greet strangers with 'Good morning'. That would certainly brighten up somebody's day.

4) I want a classic/ retro Casio watch for my birthday. I don't know why but I am so in love with this watch. I think it is because it looks different and not many people would want to wear it. Don't you think it's stylish? The best part is I could wear it to work or if I wear it with a pretty dress, it would definitely tone down the glamour.

My boyfriend already bought me a watch for my last birthday. I would only admit it here: I don't really fancy that watch he chose for me! Too predictable, it doesn't really suit my style, I am more into unpredictability (if there's such a word).

So, presenting my cheap dream watch (I want the one in gold):



It would be even greater if I could find the one which was manufactured in Malaysia/ Japan, preferably Malaysia lah. I read somewhere the quality is excellent if it was manufactured in Japan, equally good if it was manufactured in Malaysia, in the eighties/ early nineties, but since I am biased I would love to own a classic Casio watch made in Malaysia! Then I could pass it to my children turun temurun.

I think over time, my style has truly changed. I used to only aim for the latest gadgets but now, I've gone sentimental.

single and old.

The man who is more than 20 years older than me is really, not that bad. I will definitely recommend him for anyone who is looking for a decent man.

Ah, am I always this optimistic or is he really good? Hmm...

I never go out with him (because I don't want to mislead him) so I really don't know how he is like in private.

But after a year or more of knowing him, he gives me good advice and is not too persistent in dating me. I like his mature approach.

He is single, has never been married and he avoids the subject whenever I ask him for the reason. That's one of the many reasons why I am turned off by him: he should have just be honest with me if he wants a relationship with me.

I also respect him for having a good religious foundation. I know whoever he ends up with, he will take care of her. How many people do you know who listens to zikir while driving, huh? The funny thing is, he gives me subtle signs of interest by making me listen to songs that he selects. (Except recently, when he started to be forward about his feelings) When asked, "Oh, you like to listen to this kinda songs in the car?", he said he only listens to music on his computer because he prefers to listen to zikir in the car.

I don't know whether this kind of answer was intentional, as a way of saying, 'I am a religious man', or it was just an innocent slip of the tounge.

I said he is not too persistent because he never calls me in the middle of the night saying the creepiest thing. And he never directly calls me Sayang, Dear, Darling, only in SMSes. The most he would do is just an SMS once or twice a week, usually asking how am I doing. A typical SMS is like this, "How are you, dear? I hope you are doing fine. Eat properly, don't miss a prayer and take care. Miss you. *Kiss pipi* Sleep well."
Sometimes, I think he is so bapak-bapak. I tak reply la, of course, nanti boyfriend marah. I only reply if his SMS is clean ie: no kiss, no darling, no sayang.

But if he was indeed a decent man, that means I must be a decent girl too, because he wouldn't consider me if I wasn't decent for him! On the other hand, I don't think I am that decent, so, maybe, he is just an act.

He owns a company somewhere in Ampang. Yes, he is very stable. He is good with his nieces and nephews which means he likes children and we, women, like men who like children.

Anybody wants his number?




I spoke to many older (or would you prefer if I use the word 'wiser'?), single men out there and one of the frequently asked question is: Why are you still single?

This will eventually lead to: "Jodoh belum sampai" or some shit like that.

I love to provoke them with, "Perempuan kan ramai...Pilih satu. Bukan susah! You ada everything, tapi buat apa kalau you lonely."

At first, the usual reply will be, "I perlukan keserasian. Yang penting ialah hati dan perasaan!"

Yeah, right.

I know your reason. Because someone confessed this to me:

"Alang-alang dah kahwin lambat, baik I ambil yang muda, yang cantik...Sia-sia je la I tunggu lama-lama, tapi last-last I dapat yang kerani umur 30an. Buat apa! Buat kena gelak je...Kalau I nak isteri yang umur 34 tahun, baik I kahwin dengan dia masa I umur 24 tahun! Kalau I dapat yang muda muda, badan masih bergetah, bila I dah 60 tahun, I masih boleh guna dia lagi...Baru kawan-kawan I yang kahwin awal-awal tu jeles dengan I! Menyesal diorang kahwin awal!"

I see the logic behind that. Besides, it is easier for them to manipulate younger women.

So, I think, this man likes me not because of my personality or looks. He probably desires me because I am youngest girl in his phonebook. Soon, he will meet someone younger and he'll leave me alone.

["Kenapa you tak kahwin lagi? Girlfriend pun takde..."
"Sebab..."
"I rase sebab you gay. You mengaku sekarang, cepat!"]

20+ years

"Saya tetap sabar menanti awak," he who is more than 20 years older than me, said.

Hahahahaha.

Sabarlah kau, dah nak mati dah...

I wondered did he feel humiliated when I didn't give him a response? (Mode: Malas nak layan)

I guess not, because just now, he said, "Assalamulaikum, sayang. Apa khabar?"

Told you men couldn't get the hints even though they are obvious. Bodoh. He knows I am getting married soon! Okay, I lied, but he doesn't know it was a lie!

I feel worse than Siti Nurhaliza. At least her husband is exactly 20 years older than her and he is mega rich.

Pengsanlah mak bapak aku kalau si tua ni masuk meminang. *Crossing my fingers* Si Tua ni jangan diacah-acah, nanti dia buat betul-betul.

persepolis.

I watched Persepolis just now. It is about an Iranian girl surviving the war in Iran. The animated film won several awards.

I don't know whether I liked it or not.

It is an honest dark movie. It reminded me of Emily The Strange.

I guess, Muslims everywhere in the world are the same.

I want to be a true believer.

Random.

I feel guilty because

I thought my friend's fiance was too good-looking for her.
They are no longer together.

I feel like my evil thoughts had contributed to their failed relationship.

It must be difficult for her because she took one-year-off from everything she was doing that time before deciding to tell me.



I am never really jealous with friends who score good-looking guys, more like, "Oh my God, he is so hot! How do you manage to get this fine creature!" kinda thing. Come to think of it, it is quite normal to see couples we often think do not suit each other physically. It makes the world go round, doesn't it?

If good-looking women only stick to good-looking men and vice versa, our offsprings will consist of two extremes only, the gorgeous ones and the ugly ones. God is wise, He pairs us up so the world will be balanced.

When I was in my teenage years, I always wonder how ugly some people are, I don't think anybody will marry them. I was afraid nobody will marry me.
Sometimes, I looked at the older people and imagined how they must have looked like when they were younger. Most of them were not good-looking, but they ended up spending most of their lifetime with their other-halves anyway. That was how I told myself I will be alright and I need not to worry about my future. I will find somebody who adores me just the way I am.

I was being the typical teenager, I had too much time day-dreaming and thinking craps on the unnecessaries.

Like now, suddenly I am reminded of one of my bestfriends' father.
He was so good-looking (and still is), most of us drooled saliva just by looking at him. We were 14 or 15 years old and he was 40+ when we started to vote him as the most desirable father.

We fell in love with him even more because he used to drive the latest Mercedes sports car and a Porsche. So bergaya.

My friend was pretty and had a mature look, so people always mistakenly thought she was her father's mistress because her father would pick her up in a sports car.

Her father was the main reason I always dream of marrying an architect. Whenever I think of an architect, I would think of her father and automatically, I would have the finest impression on architects. No, you don't have to show his face to me, I just know architects are good-looking and will definitely be my type. Tell me, have you ever seen an ugly architect? A short architect, maybe, but never ugly! :)

It's funny because I never really had a crush on a teacher, but on my bestfriend's father instead!

Wait, I did have a crush on my ustadz when I was in standard five. I remember the day he showed me a picture of his fiance, I thought she was too ugly for him. Haha!

I just talked rubbish, didn't I?

poppy

My baby he don't act like himself no more
he lost that smile i used to adore
he spent his nights slapping his veins
he lost that glow he used to have in his face
empty burned bottle on the carpet
my baby lying beside it
tin foil and melted sugar everywhere

he said his provider was his
pharmicist friend Ben
i swear i'm gonna kill him because
i swear i'm gonna kill him because
because

the poppy took my baby away from me

my baby used to repeat the news
and now he talks about dragons on the walls
he used to love german expressionism films
now he drinks until he falls

i was confused
didn't know what to do
so i called his mama
have her come on over

she got him off the ground
started slapping him around
and as she cried she said,

the poppy took my baby away from me

Pernah tengok a newborn infant shaking vigorously because he/ she was hungry for coccaine? The mother didn't even want to hold her baby.

Cruelty.

You and your life.

I am a big fan of Youtube. So, here goes:

Question 1: Describe yourself in one word or one phrase.

My answer:
- Pleasant
- Bubbly
- Vibrant
- Altruistic
- Love doctor
- Ordinary

Pleasant: After I watched the video below, I would describe myself as pleasant or bubbly. At present, I am more pleasant than bubbly. More mature than I used to be.

Bubbly: I was definitely bubbly when I was younger, no doubt. Dengan muka tak malunya, I admit I was bubbly, I was!

But, if I were to find words that aren't used in the Youtube video below, I would describe myself as vibrant or altruistic.

Vibrant: About 5-6 years ago, a friend gave me a testimonial in Friendster. I only met her once. She described me as bubbly and vibrant. I believe her. :) She might think I've lost contact with her but the truth is, I stumbled upon her blog and became a loyal reader ever since. She doesn't know this.

Altruistic: A friend said this word to me when I was 18 or 19 or 20 years old. I fell in love instantly with this word because it is so me!

Love doctor?: Okay, okay, I'm kidding.

Ordinary: Sometimes, I do feel ordinary. Normal. Nothing too special about me.

How would you describe yourself?



Question 2: My life in 6 words.

My answer at the moment: Can't wait for the next level.
In terms of relationship, career and physically.



Now, it's your turn to describe your life in 6 words. You could read the comments on the second video. I like.

Being the love doctor

A friend, D, cannot decide with whom he'd rather be with. He is in dilemma between three girls, so he sought for my opinion.

First of all, I don't know why men would want my opinion. If you are in love with her, you don't have to take my approval into account because your love is superior than my piece of mind. You don't need to know whether I think who is prettier than who or who do I think would be a better match for you.

"Why not you get to know all of them first and see who you are most comfortable with. You know, find the chemistry," I suggested.

"But isn't that like giving false hopes? I want to decide now so I will only pursue one. I don't want to break their hearts," he said.

"Eleh. How could you break their hearts? Entah-entah, they don't even have any feelings for you in the first place! Kawan je..." lelaki ni memang kadang-kadang suka perasan.

"Err...Girl Number 1 is definitely waiting for me. I think Girl Number 2 is hoping for me as well," he said.

"It's your fault! Who told you to layan layan them sampai they think they are special huh! Sekarang, you choose whoever pun, it will still break one of their hearts," I scolded him, I felt like giving him a smack in his head.

"There's nothing going on with me and Girl Number 3 though!" he said as if that would make the situation less complicated.

"Kalau there's nothing going on between you and Girl Number 3, why are you even considering her! If you decide to go for her, you don't know whether she will like you back or not, and what if she doesn't, then you have to start all over again because you already dumped the other two," was my opinion.

"So, tell me, which one should I choose?" he asked.

"Eh, I don't even know any of them. You pikir sendiri lah...Why are you in such a rush, anyway? Let love come to you...Just go with the flow. When the right person and the right time come, you will know, tak payah pening-pening kepala macam ni," I spoke like a love doctor.

"Yes, I think so too. But, I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to play with their hearts because I don't want to feel guilty if things don't work out between us. These ladies are not getting younger. Girl Number 2 is 24, so, if something happens between us, she still has the time to find someone else to replace me. Girl Number 1 is 26, it's kinda late for her if I leave her halfway in the relationship, don't you think?" he said.

He continued to say, "I want to decide now because I don't want to be accused of making them wait for me."

Eh, boleh pulak this guy think of the possibilities of leaving his girlfriend halfway in the relationship if things don't work out. Belum a couple lagi, dah think too much, such a pessimist summore!

Wah, hebat sangat ke sampai boleh main pilih pilih perempuan macam tu?

And who says when a woman reach 26 years of age, it would be difficult for her to find her soulmate. Tua sangat ke sampai tak laku?

Anyway, my final advice to him was, "Don't over-analyse things. Kenapa you fikir jauh sangat ni? Complicated la! Suruh mak you carikan je, senang!"

"Dah suruh, my mom tanak carikan!" sempat lagi dia nak menjawab.

untuk irregularities :)

If one of my loved ones leave, I want him/ her to sing this song to me before he/ she goes:




So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone
Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong
The long December rain is falling now
Running down on streets to nowhere
Music is my life - you're my sweetest nightingale
But I can't hear it here no more
And I go...
Hush now, don't shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadows by the tracks upon your face

porn.

A couple of days ago, I chatted with a guy who still has a crush on me, let's call him Harrold.

He said he watched a video of someone who looks like me, he was shocked when he saw it, he fainted. (I don't believe he really fainted, by the way, even though for the five years I've known him, he had fainted at least 5 times. Now you tell me, how could I like back a guy who tends to faint when shocked or too sad or when he doesn't get enough sleep or nutrition. Weak!)

He knows I would never do anything like that so he punched his friend who insisted it was me.

I persistently requested him to send the video to me. It turned out to be a video of a Malay girl giving a blowjob to her boyfriend/ friend/ fiance/ husband.

I can't believe I look like her because well, I seriously thought I was way hotter than that. And you know la the typical homemade video...Perempuan berwajah kampung, lelaki berwajah rempit...


.....

I asked Harrold whether he seriously thought I look like that girl in this video and he quickly said, "Of course, you are better-looking than her."

"Then, why did you say you fainted when you saw this video?" I asked. I am not stupid, don't tell me lies and don't sweet talk me, it won't work.











Now I am upset because I am not pretty and I look like a whore and I am afraid of people accusing me giving a blowjob to a rempit and allowing him to record 'our' intimate activity.

Bodoh lah.