I tak jumpa doktor lagi.

I don't know when I should actually take a one day leave for my first scan. Dekat mana pun tak plan lagi. I don't know whether my husband can accompany me. If he could, I don't know how we should act. Should we be cool, or embarassingly excited first-time parents, would my husband say the strangest things to the doctor, or would I be crying to listen to my baby's heartbeat? Right now, I do talk to my baby sometimes, but it feels like it's imaginary, but I am sure it would be a whole different feeling once I know my baby is so alive inside of me.

I am buying a new a facial product. The most expensive I have tried so far. If it worked, I wouldn't know whether it's the product or it's the hormone. I would be happy either way, haha, hopefully it will work lah. I don't have perfect skin, malah nak near perfect pun jauh sekali, malah muka I bertompok-tompok dan berlubang-lubang, berkedut kedut dan ber eye bag besar, but I tak adalah sampai tak ada keyakinan nak menghadapi hari hari mendatang kan. I know some people would go depressed if they had my skin, I am glad I am comfortable with it. Terlalu comfortable sampai suka picit picit jerawat. Tapi tetap syukur lah sebab at least masih berkulit.

I am so tempted to shop. Banyak sale kan sekarang ni. But my Internet ni lembab, tak tau lah sebab hujan ke atau sebab service provider yang hampeh. But come to think of it, if I were to shop with my current size, I will definitely get bigger soon and I don't know whether I can return to my normal size post delivery. What if I can't, OMG, nanti bazir je baju-baju baru kan....Pasrah je lah dengan baju lama...

Did I ever tell you about my husband's obsession dengan designer shoes? Okay, tak adalah obsess, but he has huge interest it them. Anyway, one of the shoes macam rosak tapak. So I told him to bring them back to the store to fix them. Apa guna beli mahal-mahal kan? Husband I ni pun satu, tau beli mahal-mahal, tapi bila nak pakai sayang. Jaga kasut macam jaga anak kucing. Sayang sangat...Tak boleh lah kotor sikit, siap massage bagai dengan leather cream lah, etc etc. Baik tak payah kan...

Anyway, when I suggested that he bring back the shoes to the store, dengan selambanye he said, "Hey, mana ada orang buat macam tu...Kalau rosak, dahlah..."

Oh, as the Financial Minister of this family, I refused to accept that. So, what's the point of spending so much money on a pair of shoes? I pun Google lah...Then, I stumbled upon a thread, one of the forum members said this lebih kurang, "Designer shoes don't mean quality shoes. They are fashion shoes. Once they are worn out, they are meant to be thrown away. It's time for you to buy a new pair, not meant to be passed down for generations."

Me: WHATTTTT!!!

Habis tu, selama ni...??? Rupanya semua kasut kasut designer tu tiada nilai melainkan a fashion statement? WTF!

No more, no more!

Except for handbags (for me)! Haha. Sebab handbags lain cerita...Handbags definitely boleh turun temurun, lagipun handbag kalau rosak you can always bring them back to the store and try to fix them, with or without fee, tak pun, you bawak je pegi spa for handbags tu...

After so many years of living, only now I found out that shoes are not good investment. Patutlah I tak minat kasut mahal kan...Tetap duduk di kaki dan dibawa masuk toilet juga akhirnya...

It's better to spend on watches, or cars, or properties.

Before I end this post, here's a reminder to myself, a conversation with my boss:

Boss: Kerja untuk apa?
Staff: Nak duit.
Boss: Kalau kerja untuk duit, dapatlah duit. Sekarang mana ada orang nak kerja sebab dia suka kan...Contohnya doktor, awak rasa ada doktor nak kerja sebab nak merawat pesakit?
Me: Ada...
Boss: Tapi kalau dia tak dapat gaji, mesti dia mogok kan? Kalau gaji tak cukup pun dah kecoh...

Boss: Abu Bakar merupakan seorang khalifah. Perdana Menteri lah kiranya. Tapi dia tak ada harta pun. Sebelum dia meninggal dunia, dia panggil Aisyah. Dia cakap pada Aisyah, "Aku tiada harta untuk ditinggalkan pada mu, melainkan tiga benda
- seekor unta
- sehelai tikar (ala-ala tikar mengkuang kot)
- dan sepersalinan pakaian sembahyang

Boss: Kerja yang paling besar tanggungjawab ialah menjadi pemimpin negara. Perdana Menteri. Mungkin juga kerja yang paling banyak dosa.
Staff: Kenapa?
Boss: Waktu zaman Omar Al-Khattab dulu, dia sangat takut kalau ada orang complaint. Satu hari, ada unta jatuh, dia menangis sebab takut mendapat balasan Allah. Awak tahu kenapa?
Us: Kenapa?
Boss: Sebab dia takut unta tu jatuh disebabkan dia tak buat jalan tu betul-betul. Sebab itu dah tanggungjawab dia.
Cuba bayangkan kalau sekarang ni, awak tengah naik motor, lepas tu awak jatuh motor sebab terlanggar lubang. Awak rasa awak nak saman kerajaan tak? Padahal jalan tu kerajaan yang buat. Dan kerajaan tu dipimpin oleh Perdana Menteri. Sepatutnya salah Perdana Menteri tu lah punca awak jatuh, sebab dia tak betulkan jalanraya. Itu tanggungjawab dia.
Kecuali kalau Perdana Menteri tu dah berusaha bersungguh-sungguh, tinggal tawakkal je, dah habis cara dah elak, dan dengan kudrat yang dia ada, dia tak dapat nak elak masalah tu. Maka itu mungkin dimaafkan.
Tapi sekarang ramai orang nak jadi Perdana Menteri. Tak takut pun...

Boss: Masa Omar jadi pemimpin, dia miskin. Sampailah anak dia menangis sebab miskin sangat.
Omar kesian tengok anak dia, lalu Omar pun berhajat nak minta kepada Baitul Maal, nak pinjam duit, nak beli baju baru untuk anak dia.
Dia pergi ke Baitul Maal, Omar cakaplah dia nak pinjam duit.
Orang Baitul Maal pun cakap, "Boleh. Tapi bila kamu boleh pulangkan duit ini?"
Omar cakap, "Aku pulangkan esok."
Orang Baitul Maal cakap, "Boleh. Tapi adakah kamu yakin kamu masih hidup esok?"
Terus Omar tak jadi pinjam duit. Dia takut. Biarlah anak dia pakai baju buruk. Sebab mati itu pasti dan bila-bila masa pun kita boleh mati, kita tak tahu.
Orang zaman sekarang banyak berrhutang, dan tak takut kalau dia tak dapat langsaikan hutang tu.

The end.
Okay, cukuplah muhasabah untuk hari ni! Boss I memang alim pun, bagus jugaklah dia boleh dakwah sikit pada I ni.

I shall begin my post with complaints, lots of them.

I missed work because I felt so tired. That was the first time ever. The last time I took emergency leave was when Father passed away and that was completely legit.

Last week, my name was listed for a course and I sat and listened for two sessions only. Then, I excused myself and slept in the surau. I showed up during lunch, and fortunately, managed to stay awake until 4pm.

Never in my life before that I keep thinking about quitting my job.
My husband, as usual, is against it. He said I can change job, but not quit altogether to become a housewife. Dia cakap rugi. Lagipun I banyak hutang lagi tak langsai.
Hmmm...

My house is so dusty, I need my robot vacuum now!

There's a pile of clean clothes in the living room waiting to be folded and tucked away in the closets.

I rarely cook nowadays. Even if I cooked, I wouldn't be able to finish my meal. I eat a lot of junk food so frequently, I know that it's not good for the baby but that's better than not eating at all.
My husband cooked Maggi on two occasions, and he got mad after the second one, he let me sleep in the hall because I didn't prepare dinner for him. The next morning, he said sorry. Hehe. Kesian tau baby and I kena denda!

Nak keluar makan pun is like a chore for me. I don't feel like dressing up. And it rains all the time!

I think my baby is a boy sebab dia malas, OMG! And they say you are supposed to glow during pregnancy, I'm not experiencing that, oh no, jerawat banyak gile.

When I first found out I am pregnant, it felt weird, like, nak pergi kencing berak pun kena sopan sebab takut baby terkeluar. Nak bersin pun tak puas. Thank God that only lasted for a while. Now I can do my business as per usual, no biggie!

But, tingkahlaku masih perlu dijaga. Like, I can't watch horror movies suka suka hati, because, well, they say it's not good for the baby. Lepas tu tak boleh terkinja kinja nanti baby ikut perangai tak senonoh. So, I am hoping I will read a lot during my free time, just because I want to have a smart baby lah okay. No more MTV tengok orang bogel.

Tapi, I am easily irritated lah. I was irritated by one of my colleagues, yang I rasa dia bodoh but actually, dia tak bodoh pun, yang bodoh tu orang tengah yang told me wrong information! I specifically told my colleague to arrange some stuffs, then the middle person simply said she didn't do it, I mestilah rasa annoyed kan, then when I went through the papers, she did do what I asked her to, lepas tu I marah lah sebab rasa rugi masa I annoyed dengan orang yang tak bersalah secara tak tentu pasal kan!

Lepas  tu I rasa annoyed lah dengan middle person ni lah kan. Like, I cannot trust her at all. Benci ah, dengar suara dalam phone pun tak tahan. I think a lot of time I snapped at her. Seriously, I rasa macam dia ni perangai perasan bagus, but when I re-assess, it's completely different from what she said! Tu pasal I tak suka...Sebab suka call I straight macam bagus sangat, rather than consulting with her superiors first.

Lepas tu I rasa annoyed dengan one of my staffs yang I rasa berlagak. Wah, mentang-mentang baru balik dari Australia. Dah lah perasan comel, perasan disukai ramai, lepas tu kaki membodek, OMG, I tak tahan okay. Dapat pulak boss yang suka melayan kan, nak ambil buat menantu lah, please lah...I dah lah tak suka dia kan, so mestilah nak minimise kan contact dengan dia, but she likes to question my orders.
And, she calls me by my first name! Okay, fine, she just got back from Australia, probably that's how they do it there, yeah, I know too, I pun pernah pergi overseas jugak, ingat dia sorang je ke? But then, rupa-rupanya dah dekat setahun balik Malaysia, susah sangat ke nak adapt cara orang Malaysia bekerja. I just think it's disrespectful lah okay, even though she is not so much younger than me. So what? Mana boleh you call I, acting like we are friends, when for the matter of fact, I am your superior!

The good thing is, a lot of my colleagues have problems with the same girl. One guy siap rasa nak bagi penampar dekat dia sebab gedik sangat. Haha. Tapi minah ni memang completely oblivious lah yang orang tak suka dekat dia. Dia ingat semua orang suka sangat dekat dia, siap ajak makan lah, apa lah...Oh, please! Ye, orang pakai tudung labuh, gelak tutup tutup mulut, pun boleh menjadi seorang yang gedik dan attention seeker, okay.

See, I can't even stand the thought of her sampai boleh bebel panjang-panjang dekat sini.
Cukup, sudah, enough, end.

Moving on...

-----

Before my pregnancy was confirmed, I received a news about my staff who was heavily pregnant with her third baby, and lost her husband. Her husband is only 35 years old, and she was 9 months pregnant. When she heard the news, siap dapat contraction pain lagi, like OMG, I can't imagine being in her shoes.

One week before that, my cousin and her 18 months old daughter lost their husband and father. Yang ni mati mengejut siap kena autopsy. Dahlah duduk negara orang. Strangely, my husband and Mother had the same reaction, "Syukur, bertuah dia mati dalam Islam." I punye pemikiran pendek je, like, kenapa dia matiiiiiiiii...!!!

-----

Before I end this post, I want to share something funny about my friend,

Nadia and Suraya are housemates. Nadia is Ali's girlfriend. Diana is our friend who always hang out with them.

Ali: Suraya beli baju kurung online. Masa mula-mula baju tu sampai, diorang exited gila!
Me: Oh, yeke? Cantik tak?
Ali: Mula-mula, Suraya try pakai baju tu. Okay, cantiklah...Lepas tu, Diana pula try baju tu. Cantik jugak....Lepas tu Nadia punya turn pulak. Longgar okay, dia tak ada boobs! Flat!
Me: (Slaps forehead)

Good thing that Ali has proposed to Nadia, yeay! Chewaaah, tak ada boobies pun masih sayang, itu barulah cinta sebenar...

I may not be able to attend their wedding though, masa tu I tengah berpantang, sakit celah kangkang.

My husband was sick for a month, he practically took Panadols every day and went to bed early. I, on the other hand, was feeling tired AND hungry all the time.

I felt fat. But, I can't be fat, I just climbed a mountain two months ago!

I finally decided to check my urine, for the first time ever in my life, Alhamdulillah, it showed positive.

I hope I am doing the right thing:
Announcing that I am pregnant.

I thought of waiting until I reached the third month, but I can no longer participate in some of projects/ procedures at work due to my condition. I had to tell my superiors, words went around quickly. If colleagues already know, why should I keep it from families and friends?

One day, while waiting for food at a restaurant, I read on the Internet about symptoms of pregnancy. The website mentioned feeling fatigue. From then on, I became more and more tired especially in the morning! It is so hard to wake up in the morning. I don't whether this is just psychology or it is real, but it's quite embarassing because I just can't cheer up in the morning. My bosses have to see my grumpy face, my fake smiles, and I can't even stand for a very long time. It seems quite rude actually to grab a chair and sit instead of standing with your bosses. Urgh.

Nevertheless, I am happy. I didn't expect to get pregnant only after 1 and half year of marriage. I thought I would have to wait until the third year or something. I am really, really glad that my husband let me paraglide when my friends and I went for that holiday trip.

My last post sounds so serious.

Well, my husband is not home so I got to cook and eat Western food! My husband doesn't do Western food as main course, tak kenyang, he said. Dasar perut Melayu tulen.

Just now, I tried a recipe from Tyler's Ultimate! Nyumm...Chicken nugget with apple and parmesan cheese butter sandwich. Sedap, mudah malah berkhasiat!

The chicken nuggets were supposed to be bacon, and I replaced the supposedly green apple with the red ones. I can't remember what kind of cheese we were supposed to use, but the Parmesan was the only cheese available in my fridge.

Reminds me of a panini I once tried.

I should've taken a picture lah!

-----

I've been wanting a Robot Vacuum since forever.

As you know, I am such a couch potato. To summarize, I watch everything on Astro channel 701 until 729.

Last year, I watch the Clean House Award show. It was to celebrate Clean House 100th episode and they basically gave away awards to home owners who manage to keep their house clean and humiliate those who returned to their old ways.

The grand prize winner was these gay couple. During the ceremony, videoclip was shown on how they did it, "Our secret is...The robot vacuum! They did the work when we go to work."

Semenjak hari itu, aku bercita-cita besar...But I never came across any in the stores. So, I gave up and forgot about it. Besides, I figured it must be damn expensive.

Two weeks ago, my friend posted a video on Facebook about his new toy, the robot vacuum.

I terus terkenang-kenang setiap malam, well, especially when I see my dusty floors and when I was about to do house chores. Went online and fell in love with the Rumba. After much research, I find it's the best one but it's expensive.

I thought of waiting for the Boxing Day sales, but then, there is this Groupon promotion going on. Macam tau-tau je kan...

It's damn cheap, not the one I wanted, not smart enough to charge by itself when the battery goes low but...After our discussion, since this is a trial thing for us, why not? And it's cheap, what do you expect kan? Better to buy the basic one, and see whether we like it, than buying the expensive thing and end up not using it/ rosak.

I hope I won't complaint about doing house chores no more!

Before the Groupon deal,

Me: Abang! Nak robot vacuum! Harga dalam RM800 je...
Husband: Mahalnya vacuum!
Me: Mana ada...Kalau you amik orang gaji pun harga RM800 sebulan. Baik beli vacuum, kan kan kan?
Husband: Hhmmm...

Pandainye I!

Went to the bookstore and came across one book which author's name sounded familiar.

It was the old doctor that we met during our adventure two months ago! My, oh my...She's such a contributor. I read the section "About the Author" and saw a long list of charity work that she had been involved with in different countries, and the numerous posts she held before she retired from the government.

Impressive...

But at the same time, I felt inadequate and ashamed of myself. What have I achieved so far in my life? Is my life a waste of time?

It's the exact same feeling when I browsed through Afdlin Shauki's Facebook page. He's there, physically in Gaza, witnessing the sufferings of the people, constantly raising awareness. And what am I doing here?

But then again, we must remember that Allah is fair. Not everybody will die a Syahid, but that doesn't mean the things we choose to do, or, the things we are able to do, are not taken into consideration. Not everybody is designed for war, but who says we can't help even though we are far? Who says his job as a janitor is less noble than his job as a Mujahid?

Okay, not going to go much further into that...

I have a Jewish friend. Just one. He also flew to Israel, trying to fight for what he thinks is right. We used to study in the same group in university. He was nice and friendly, one of the people I could talk to despite our age difference.

I know a lot of people hate the Jewish blindly, not because of what they do, but because of the majority of the people of the same race do. Personally, I think that's wrong because comparatively, that's just like the Americans who hate the Muslims just because we are, regardless if we do or do not support the act of terrorism.

When I was in university, I used to attend talks organized by our Muslim communities, because, well, I had time and, I have this habit of saying Yes to everything Ilmiah. If I'd say no, I'd feel guilty. I mean, what kind of an idiot am I to miss free Pahala just to sit in a Majlis Ilmu.

The funny thing is, once I am back in my home country, I am no longer being invited. Perhaps I am hanging out with the wrong kinds of people. Or perhaps, in Malaysia, once you don't cover your Aurat, you are judged automatically, not qualified, or people simply think you are just not interested.

But underneath it all, it is me who needs to be blamed. I don't seek for it, so how dare I expect people to spoonfeed me.

Anyway, this reminds me of the Jewish people I met during one the the talks

The people I met were the true believers. They are against the oppression and the occupation of Palestinians.

Because of that, I still find it hard to hate the Jews as a race, I'd rather hate them individually. Being optimistic, I believe that there must be a few Jews out there who have the hearts, who have the conscience within them, that killing women and children, bombing schools and hospitals, are wrong and absolutely immoral.

Do you know who I hate the most? The imbecile people who justify what Hitler did to the Jews. Killing is only permissible if it was to protect ourselves. Hitler killed people mercilessly, innocent and even the weak. It is not the same like the Palestinians who killed the Jews in the name God, to fight back, to protect their land. It is just not the same. And if you think what Hitler did was right, you are downright cruel like him. You don't know history, you are just lucky to be born at this time, lucky to be born a Muslim, so stop being ungrateful, stop being an idiot.