Okay, this is somewhat embarassing to admit, but one of the negatives about me is...

I ni kasar.

I've been getting comments on that occasionally but I never really thought I was. Whenever someone told me, "Awak ni kasar lah," I'd think, "Hhmmm...That's a weird thing to say to me," and I'd normally brush it off.

The first time I got that comment was when I was 16 and I had an 'unknown' fight with my roommate.

Basically, she was pissed at me because I didn't layan her. Well, it was the first week in that school, I was, of course, hanging out with people that I had chemistry with! One night, she cried, but I was already in deep slumber, then she told my senior about me, so that so-called concerned senior decided to send us to the councellor.

The thing is, she totally ambushed me. I was doing my thing when, "Eh, malam ni kita kena pergi Cikgu Jamilah tau," I was like, why???

Then only, in front of that teacher, I was finally aware about how she felt about me. She said I was not sensitive about her feeling, when she cried I never asked why- Well, it was the orientation week, so I slept through the night because I was so fatigue during the day, duuhh, you idiot! Just thinking about this makes me angry all over again! She should have confronted me instead of making a huge deal about it!

I looked like a badass because she cried and cried and wanted to hug me, while the whole time, I was, well, trying to figure what was going on, until the teacher/ counsellor MADE us apologize to each other.

Anyway, after that meeting, we returned to our room, and she said, "You know, Ectopy, awak ni kasar tapi manja."

WTF!!!!!!!

I went straight to my friends because I was so confused with that comment. How can somebody be manja and kasar at that time? And who is really manja, me or her, tell me, who is the one crying every single night and demanding for attention, you tell me!

My friends and I thought she was crazy. She was. She might still is.



Okay, I am getting sidetracked. So, back to my point, that was the first time someone had actually mentioned I was rough.

I was not really a tomboy, I am quite artsy farsty, probably I am not so ladylike in terms of my manners, but I really do dress well (hehe, perasan). I don't curse, except occasional bodohs that I give to things (not people) that deserve it.

My husband thinks I am rough too, but I thought that's just because he comes from the land of lemah gemalai that I sometimes rasa nak lempang je sebab buat kerja lembut dan lembab sangat macam tak ada tenaga. Senyum tersipu-sipu, seriously,  I memang testing my patience je (referring to my staffs who are from the land of lemah gemalai).

My work nature, other than involving a lot of human interaction, it also involves a lot of procedures which requires a lot of experiences to be good at them.

This year, I have time and mood to teach my staffs a lot of things, so one day, I was insturcting them how to do a procedure while I stood there to supervise. People generally learn better when they get to do it themselves, and they really appreciate when given a chance to do it. At least that's how I felt when I first started working.

My staffs started the procedure, but it was so slow, until my client complaint and beginning to raise his voice. So, I stepped in and took over, and just like that, the procedure is complete.

Little did I know, one of staffs who watch me doing it, was a little traumatized by it. It was his first time watching the procedure. He came to me, and said, "Ganasnya! Rasa ngilu!" making an awful face to match what he felt. I told him that's how you do it! Rough and quick and done.



Yesterday, I was assisting my colleague to do a procedure. While waiting, my client asked me to do something for him, so I did and he said, "Ganasnya..."

My colleague apologized on my behalf, "Sorry, Encik, dia ni memang ganas sikit tapi dia langsung tak ada niat nak berkasar."

I stood there, redfaced, and laughed.

Anyway, my colleague failed that procedure, again, I stepped in, a bit of push and done, less than 30 seconds, I swear.

My client said, "Hwejfhwoi," and I was like what? He said, "Lujwhedu," and I was like what? "Thank you! He said Thank you, Ectopy!" my colleague told me. Ganas, ganas pun, he said his gratitude to me! Haha, in your face!



I still would like to think that I ni kasar bertempat okay! Hehehe...I always thought I ni garang. And tough. But rough? Nahh...

Quotes!

"The best people are the ordinary looking ones. That's why God creates so many of them."

When my friend, Ali, and I first heard this, my first reaction was to put one hand of my chest and said, "Awww..." Then, Ali looked at me and said that it was totally "Ayat menyedapkan hati orang common!" *Giggles*

"God does not give you what you want, He gives you what you need."

It makes me think that, whatever I already have, whatever is happening to me, I must really be needing it. Why else?

Anyway, I was having conversation with my colleagues. One of them was not happy with one of my colleagues who was not in the picture at that time (mengumpat lah tu...) He said she gets angry over the littlest of things. Then he got angry thinking about it.

We were trying to cheer him up, so we told him things like, "Just forget about it..." "Sabar je lah..." "It's just her personality..." "Dia PMS kot masa tu..."

Then, one of us told him this:

"Ala...Perempuan memang macam tu. Kau belum kahwin lagi kan? Kalau dah kahwin nanti, sekecik-kecik benda pun boleh sampai gaduh besar! Hal kecik gila pun..."

Say whaattt?!

Whatever.

I told them about my friend in university who got married early, then she was diagnosed with a disease that prevents her from getting pregnant. She, then, told her husband that he is allowed to marry another one. The husband was in glee...

Colleague: Tu memang hak laki tu lah. Biarlah dia nak kahwin banyak pun.
Me: What did you say?! *Half yelling* Perempuan tu tengah sakit kot!
Colleague: Okay, Feminist...
Me: Memanglah! Kita mana boleh biar lelaki pijak-pijak kita! I terasa lah jugak. I pun couldn't get pregnant yet! Does that mean my husband can marry another suka-suka hati?

We later attended a complicated client.
Complicated because that client has another wife but wants his son to support him. But there's some communication problem because the son and the stepmother can't properly sit down and discuss, semuanya pakai a third party, so things get really delayed.

I told my colleague who made the above comment, "See...That's why you should never kahwin suka-suka hati..."

Haha. I won!

Before ending this post, tiba-tiba teringat satu kejadian.

Pakcik, our client, said he didn't have money.
We found out that he has a wealthy stepdaughter who holds a high position job, earning a 5-figure salary.
The stepdaughter was upset we treated the pakcik like a poor person.
(Of course, jatuhlah maruah dia tak jaga mak bapak kan...)
We said, we didn't know, pakcik said he didn't have family.

"Dia tak mengaku I ni keluarga dia? Memang dasar tak kenang budi!"

Drama masyarakat.

Last night, I coudn't sleep, so I stalked colleagues on FB.
Which led me to our common friends that I've lost contact with, so I stalked them too.

I don't think I was popular in school, but I did hang with the cool crowd. If I was indeed popular, it was definitely not because of my looks.

Anyway, towards the end, I decided to stalk myself. How would somebody perceive me if they stumbled upon my FB page?

I'm a sleeping active user in FB. Which means, you can rarely see me update, but I do log in often to see what other people are up to.

So, anyway, I browsed through my photo albums that consist my past. My past was beautiful. I went to beautiful places, met beautiful people, and I looked better. I have lost weight unintentionally over the years.
Now I yearn for a little bit of more flesh on the cheek, a little bit of more glow on my skin, a little bit more style, a little bit more money, a little bit more time, just like what I had back then.

After I stalked myself, I guess I wasn't too bad...
I also realized, even in pictures, I have very, very few girlfriends.

People who stalk me must think I am such a whore.

-----

While I was stalking people, I thought of how some people are still single. I mean, I find there's nothing wrong with them, I'd totally date you, you, you, you, you too, if I was still single. Why not?

Then, I thought of matchmaking people.

But my matchmaking skills suck.

I don't know how to break the news to my friend, Juwita, and this guy, that I think matchmaking them would be a great idea.

The last time, I tried to set up Juwita with my ex-colleague, Joey. The date went well. I was there too. We had great conversations and we karaoke-d. They were totally comfortable with each other presence.

But, Joey didn't call Juwita after that day. I don't know why.
And my matchmaking story ended there. Hanging.

Eventually, we found out Joey is now bestfriends with Juwita's ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend and Joey met only after the date, they had chemistry and became instant close buddies. What a small world.
Epic fail on my part!

Juwita also went for several other blind dates set up by my other friends. There were all fruitless.

Probably, Juwita is done with all this shit. So, I am afraid to even suggest, "Hey, I have this new colleague, I think you guys will be great together!"

But my colleague would be such a waste if I didn't grab him fast and give it to my friends in need!

Haha. Okay, so, now, I am objectifying my colleague like he's just a piece of meat.

But, really, he's tall and charming. Really.

Maybe, I can get him into my circle and introduce him subtly to my friend. That's what I did everytime with my new friends and existing friends, except that I never tried to set them up before.

This time it's quite tricky because I am not in my hometown. How the hell am I supposed to get everybody hang out and be merry when I am so far from my existing friends!

Probably Hari Raya would be a good excuse. Hehehehe...

Today, I was upset with my husband.

He promised that he would take me go shopping at noon.

At 9.30am, he kissed me goodbye as he left for work.

While waiting for him, I decided to fold the clothes.

Then, I swept the floors of the kitchen and the three vacant rooms.

My husband called at 2pm but I ignored the phonecall as a sign of protest (and I also pretended to be busy doing house chores).

I felt tired and irritated because there was a lot of dust in two of the rooms.

I thought my husband lied to me when he told he had swept the floors. I guess, he swept all the dust from the living room into the vacant rooms. Or, he mopped the floors without sweeping them first! I felt cheated.

He came home at 3.30pm. He greeted "Assalamualaikum," but I didn't answer out loud.

He then frantically looked for me when he finally found me quietly sweeping the floors.

I was on strike, so I started making faces, yelling, and refusing to talk to him.

After Zuhur prayer, he wanted to hug me but I played dead. I watched the TV and gave no response.

He said, "Lets go to the mall!"
I didn't want to go shopping in a foul mood.

He tried all kinds of stunts to apologize but I didn't budge.

Then he said, "Tadi Abang balik, tengok Sayang dah hilang. Abang ingat Sayang dah kena culik tadi. Risau gila, Abang rasa nak nangis dah..."

I said, "Tipu!"

He said, "Sumpah! Demi Allah!"

When someone said 'Demi Allah', you know he's dead serious.

I said, "Betulke?" and a smile started to appear on my face. I was finally able to look at him.

"Betul..."

Then we made up.

I guess I really like it when my husband gets worried sick about me. It means he really cares about me. Haha.

p/s: I know that we should control our anger especially in Ramadhan. But I was really irritated by him just now.

p/s2: I don't know how it's going to be like if I had children. I complained just because I needed to clean the whole house when they are only two people living here. Can you imagine how I'd be like if
there were children around to make more mess?

p/s3: I am such a sissy. Just tell me that you could not live without me, and I am sold! Damn, I am easy!

p/s4: In my husband's defense, he did have to finish his work just now, that's why he came home late. Kesian dia penat.

p/s5: My husband swore he didn't lie, he did sweep the floors. I asked where did all the dust come from then? He said it must be the construction site next to our building, making the dust fly in through the windows. He is probably right because the room which is on the other side of the house didn't have too much dust in it.

p/s6: If I had children, I'd probably make them clean the house for me. I'd call it 'House chores'!

I was fooling around with my husband,

Me: Abang, abang rasa bertuah tak? Dahlah I ni baik, cantik, pandai pulak tu. Sekali lepas kahwin, abang dapat tau I ni pandai masak pulak. Macam dapat bonus. I'm a bonus, abang! I'm a bonus!

Husband: (Laughs) Eleh, you ni tak habis-habis nak perasan!
I told you I can cook, I'm just so lazy to do so.

Since Ramadhan, I have no choice but to cook for almost every single day for iftar.

I cannot believe it either.

I've only gone to the bazaar Ramadhan once only so far. Yesterday, we had iftar at my sister-in-law's. One other time, my mother-in-law came over and cooked for us. Sometimes, for reasons I can't avoid, when I won't be home by Maghrib, my husband had to find food himself.

But, for the rest of the time, I cooked. Who? Me! I COOKED! And I'm cooking tonight.

As practice makes perfect, I discover that I can finish cooking within 40 minutes! I am no Jamie Oliver, but at least I could do a little bit of clean up within that 40 minutes.

Because I am such an amateur, I tend to cook the same thing over and over again. Now, I am running out of recipes and I am on the net for some enlightenments.

I've cooked chicken soup, tomyam, ayam masak merah, ayam masak kicap, sup telur, ayam madu, nasi ayam, fried chicken...Well, that's about it. I know it's quite pathetic. It's quite restricted because my husband NEEDS the rice, so I can't cook pasta or mee or bread or western type of food. Boohoo, my husband orang kampung!

We also don't have an oven. Shame! We thought staying here would be temporary and I was not even a cook to begin with, so we didn't buy one.

My husband also doesn't eat seafood/ fish/ beef. Basically, we can only eat rice with chicken everyday, it's boring, I know...

Anyway, this strenghtens my argument: I know how to cook, I just don't like to do it!

One time, I was frying the chicken, and the hot oil splashed onto my skin. It hurt so much, so I was yelling in frustration, "Sakitlah! Sakitlah, bodoh! Auw! Ouch! Sakit!"

My husband overheard me, and he laughed because he said I was "bergaduh dengan kuali".

(-___-)

-----

My husband always laugh at me.

We stayed up to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

I enjoyed introducing the countries, so, I immitated the emcee and annouced, somewhat like this...

"Australiaaaaa!"

"Vietnaaaam!"

"The United States of Americaaaa!"

My husband was amused that I did that, "You ni, tengah-tengah malam ni..."

Me: What? You tak tahu ke masa kecik-kecik dulu I nak jadi pengacara?

Husband: (Laughs)

Me: Eyy...Biase lah ni. Masa kecik-kecik dulu you tak buat ke? I selalu tau buat announcement macam ni dengan adik I.

Husband: Tak, I tak buat macam ni.

Me: Boringlah you!

Husband: Macam-macam you ni...

Yes, he still has a lot to learn about his wife.

"Malaysiaaaaaa!"